Out of everything or anyone possible and Jesus is the one to present himself to you? I'd be rather disappointed my mind hadn't produced a cooler and more creative hallucination than that.

What keeps me alive? I'm pretty much of the same mind as you Ginsan, honestly. The reason, if there is one, seems to vary all over the place, mostly lots of short term stuff. It's not all that great or fulfilling really, it kinda sucks as a matter of fact. However, I could never accept just killing myself because no matter what the reasons are that would make me want to, they always change. There is never a time where I can justify ending my existence early because it seems like I can always do something else. If I can't literally burn myself out on things to learn, do, experience, make, or even wind up abusing (such as drugs) to the point of accidental oblivion, then I've got a more serious problem than I'd like to admit. If that were the case, I don't really see why you wouldn't seek some kind of help, there's literally nothing you can do but get better at that point.