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March 19, 2013

note: This dream relates to another dream I had a few weeks ago. They are both very personal dreams.

The previous dream, which was even more personal happened after a long night of depressing feelings. I don't even rationally know why I felt so depressed that night.That dream ended with a peaceful presence in my bedroom. She manifested next to me. She said she was me. And she had only one message for me "I love you"

Shadowself, Higherself and Demon Gods
I wake up at 4am upset that I didn't remember a single dream. I toss and turn and try different induction techniques. I give up and just try to daydream instead.

I think how much I love my friend and how I couldn't wait to hang out her after living in different cities.

In that instant I see a blue flash of lightning. It came from this tiny window that doesn't actually exist in my room. In the next instant after - a screaming hateful voice shrieks in my left ear!

"YOU ARE NOT MY BEST FRIEND! I HATE YOUUUU!!!!"

I was just floored.

What the fuck?

I was helpless to this female voice screaming at me. Her voice begins to sink in deep. Her voice is in my head!! I curl up into a ball and I was at the point of tears. I don't even remember what else she had said to me, only how she made me feel.

And the burning! There was a horrible burning sensation on my right leg.

Suddenly everything was calm again. I sit up in my bed and there's a new presence with me, one I met a month earlier. She sits calmly at the side of my bed. I couldn't focus on her face. It kept shifting between faces and at one point it was like she had 20 faces at once.

I notice that behind her peaceful presence was the demon girl who was screaming at me. The demon was curled up in a shadowy corner. Before the demon had so much power over me - making me scared shitless and depressed. But behind this peaceful presence, she's just a shadow like any other shadow - nothing to even worry about.

The peaceful girl explains to me what's happening. Her explanation was mostly wordless and seemed to happen somewhere in the back of my head. She said something to the extent of:

"She is the result of emotions and thoughts that have run away with themselves and have been disowned by you"

I understood this as the definition of a shadowself. I look at that grotesque shadow and I just wanted to be rid of her. "What do I do?"

"The only thing you can do is to love her. You must love her away."

Of course, it made perfect! If she is some part of me that I've long disowned then I must love her as I love myself. How can hating the part of me that hates myself lead to anything but more hate?

In the safety of the peaceful presence, I try to send my love to my shadow hiding in the corner. The dream fades out. Did I do it? I get up and get ready for work.

But there is something wrong with my bathroom!

The lights aren't working right. Its so dim, the lights are flickering, the switches make no sense. The tub is along the wrong wall, and what is wrong with my right leg? The burning sensation is back. I take a look in the dim light, theres a horrible scratch. Like someone took a blade and ran it from my ankle, along the side to my knee.

"That bitch! I wonder if demonic scratches get infected, I should toss some holy water on that"

Suddenly my sis walks into the bathroom. There was a dark presence around her, one I've felt in dreams before (almost always disguised as my sister). And those eyes. They weren't my sisters eyes! I know my sisters eyes.

These eyes burned!!!

"You're not my sister!" That's nothing new, I first said that to this DC over ten years ago. Its her. So silent. She's always been silent. In fact tonight was the first night I've ever heard her hateful voice. Usually she just scoffs at me until one of us pisses off.

That's when I notice the little window and the obvious finally hits me. "I bet you more than anything this is a dream! I can jump out that window and I'll fly!" I dont know why i bothered telling her, lol

I jump out the window!! Unfortunately that's what I've always done in the presence of a scary DC in my house. And this was not what my higherself instructed me to do.

Its just as dark outside. But its a natural darkness under the moon and stars, beautiful compared to the darkness inside the apartment. I fly over the trees. Their leaves were big and lush, magnolia trees!

I landed and I was so happy to be dreaming and lucid. What to do! So many things to do! Should I explore the dream? No, maybe Ill try to dreamshare. Everything that happened before, totally inconsequential.

I walk around and there are lots of people strolling in the night just like me. I call out Lmrhone, but then I realized I have no idea what he looks like! So I decide to befriend random DCs instead and just go with it.

There seems to be a crowd over there! I fly towards the college aged crowd and suddenly I'm in a mall like complex. There was a large line slowly inching forward. The DCs looked friendly enough, I wondered what they were in line for? A new music album?

Why stand in line? I didn't see the point I just ran to the front to find out what they're all waiting for! I was really excited - and then I was horrified.

They were each taking their turn walking into a room of literal hell.

This was a stone room with a stone entrance. There was nothing in this stone room, but the back wall has a huge stone mural of a demonic deity. The carving of the demonic deity would come to life in the presence of a human who would enter alone. The demonic deity would then hurl up green lava and the greenest light would fill the whole room, and there was nothing left of the human.

'my God save me!'

Staring at the stone mural - I was trapped in a spell. I lost all sense of my dream body, instead I was a single point of consciousness. The demonic room was pulling me towards it! Closer and closer and closer!

"RELEASE ME!"

It stopped and I was back in my dream body, next to the entrance with my back against the wall. I was panting scared shitless. Two boys in charge of opening the stone door were making casual talk as if nothing horrible just happened. What the hell is wrong with these people?

In order to leave I had to run past the entrance, this time I made sure not to look inside the stone room.

Where the hell am I? Or where the hell am I in? I was back in the mall but there were no humans left. Everywhere I turned there were monsters, horrible monsters! I noted they were nothing like the creatures I draw! I take cover and hide from the demon lords and demon deities.

Is this from playing too much WoW? But they weren't exactly like anything Ive seen in WoW. There were 'people' among the monsters too but I could hardly call them human anymore.

I tried to run up the stairs but thundering down the stairs was a giant stone golumn. His face looked like a mayan carving. Green lava would spew from his sides. His eyes were black and soulless. Okay - run the other way!

I think I'm finally heading in the opposite direction of this demon world. "This way!" A HUMAN! A real human signals me.

I literally run towards the light. The human side had natural sunlight filtering through the malls windows. "So this is where I'm supposed to be!". The humans were huddled together, living as a close knit tribe. They explained to me the situation.

"The demons are trying to destroy us by poisoning the water. Don't drink the water!!"

Telling me not to drink the water only made me thirsty. "Then what can I drink?"

"You can only drink the water that we've painstakingly purified. If you drink the water anywhere else, the demons will consume you."

My sister was among them, and through her a felt a peaceful presence similar - but somehow fainter - then before. Her eyes were once again human. She hands me a blanket and pillow in a plastic bag.

"Even our sleeping sheets need to be purified from the demons tainting. Remember, don't sleep with anything else but these purified blankets and pillows! And don't lose your set were running low...."

I hold onto my tiny purified blanket and pillows, literally these 5x8 inch pillows. I look around me in this room at all the people huddled together.

"Wait this doesn't make any sense. I'M DREAMING! I don't have to be afraid of these demons poisoning the water. They're not real"

My sisters appearance changes, in fact it kept changing. But each face was friendly and familiar. And she explains "You don't understand, this isn't just a dream. Where just somewhere else. Do not drink the water and use only our clean sheets!"

"Alright, if you say so." I wasn't gonna argue, it was nice to just have friendly company.

"OMG WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT THE OCEAN!" This magical perfect ocean just appeared, theres not even a door or wall separating the beach from the mall - its just right there!! I just leap right in "YAYYY!"

"NO YOU CAN'T SWIM IN THAT!"

The DCs quickly rush to my side! Strong masculine hands lift me out of the water while my new friend lectures me. "You can't swim in the ocean either. It's also been tainted by the demons."

"What are you going on about! THIS IS A DREAM! I can swim in the ocean if I want, nothing can hurt me here!"

"SPIT OUT THE WATER!"

Ugh whatever - putt - putt. I spit out the ocean water that's in my mouth. These people are serious. I figured I'll just listen to them.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up. We have a bath down this way and it has some purified water left." The tall black man walks down a long hallway and disappears over the corner.

I start to follow this stranger. Wait, I don't even know this guy and he's what - gonna draw a bath for me? What am I walking into? I don't even know him! What if he's a pervert! What if he's a demon!

I turn back and look at my friend - I didn't have to say a word. "I'm coming!" She smiles and accompanies me.

I make a mistake. I tried to name my friend. I try to list every good friend I've had in my life. And I think 'maybe it's so-n-so!'. But as soon as I try to limit who she is the dream becomes to wane. It starts to feel foggy somehow.

"Let me show you something." She shows me how they purify the water. I know this feeling, I'm waking up! The purification process made no sense. Tainted water was spilling everywhere, shes getting it in her mouth!

"All tap water has a whole lot MORE in it than just water. Our purification process just makes more out of it!"

I can see the filter is filling up with dirty poopy looking water - ewwww. Then it hardened and transformed into - fruit flavored food chips? Ewwwwww.

"You don't eat that do you?"

"Yes! It's perfectly good to eat!" She grabs one of the fruit chips that came from the poopy water. "See, good to eat? Try one."

"NOOO"

Suddenly her appearance changes into an anime character and her presence become less kind, somehow dark. She cackles and mocks me "Do you feel safer with me looking this way instead? AHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"What the hell!" Its like the nasty poop-food-chip was still tainted by the demons and now the demon presence is transforming her.

"GET IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" I rip this thing off her face. Suddenly she regains herself. Her appearance is a transparent blue - like she's a crystal glowing glass.

I wake up!

And there's a strange man in my room trying to fix my computer. Sis walks in and reminds me that I'm totally late for work.

I walk into the bathroom and I was about to brush my teeth when - "No, no, no" I walk back into the room.

"I'm sorry sir but I had a really rough night. Who the hell are you??"

"I'm here to fix your computer, I just need to find this little tool and-"

"NO!! WHO ARE YOU REALLY? WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" I was fed up with my space being invaded.

Now I wake up for real and its nowhere near time to get ready for work. I spend the next hour in bed replaying the entire night over and over so that I could remember everything.

Now that I'm awake the themes in the dream suddenly made sense. Water is a strong element in my dreams. But it's also the element of emotions. And my personal demons have only found an inroad into me from negative emotions I didn't keep watch of. Even the silly clean sheets wrapped in a plastic bag made sense - go to sleep mentally and emotionally clean.

Even me running around in demon world with not a single one trying to harm me made perfect sense. They have no interest in physically harming me.

This dream and my frightening encounter with my shadowself was long coming. Over ten years ago there has been a shadow in my dreams, one that covers my home in darkness. It only happened on rare occasions. I would always become scared of the shadow in my room or bathroom and I would just run outside.

So while I have a given a great lesson on love I still wasn't strong enough to love my shadowself. In this dream, as many before, I ran away as soon as her shadow encapsulated my home. So, I'll go to sleep tonight knowing the battle isn't over. Maybe at least this time I'll remember to keep my sheets clean.

But damn......that scream.

January 14, 2012

Review: The dream starts out with us hiding from walkers. We literally shrink and find the giants of suburbia scary.

Walkers and Giants
It feels like the walking dead. Civilization has collapsed but our community remains strong. We were all hunkered down on a farm, away from the danger. Though I never saw any zombies, as the days would pass more and more people would disappear. Among the community, there were whispers of the plague worsening and that this place isn't safe.

As a group we made the decision to leave the farm and find a new place to hide in. We found a mansion. Naturally because we assumed we were the only survivors, we didn't think of it as breaking an entry. But that's when we heard the dogs.

Looking down the hallway I can see the shadows of the mansions owners as they were pampering their dogs. The whole group got silent. Theres people living here! But that wasn't why we were suddenly quiet. It was the dogs. Based on the shadow, these dogs were gigantic. We would be rag dolls in their months! But the owner was proportionate to the dogs, meaning the owners were also abnormal giants.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"How can dogs be that big?"

"Shutup or they'll hear us!"

No one wanted to disturb the giants who seemed a lot scarier than zombies. So the whole group sneaks back downstairs. We had to get through a door before reaching the ground level. The knob was squeaky.

"Did you hear that?" It was the owner talking to his dog. Based on the shadows, the owner opened his door and let his massive muts out. The group panics and now we have a mob of people trying to squish themselves through a door. "HURRY, OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Not that way, not that way! Get away from the door" I knew the owner was going to head straight for the source of the noise, the door! When I heard the giant dogs coming I ran in the opposite direction instead. I quickly ran upstairs and locked myself in a bedroom. One dog followed me. He barks and barks and pushes on the door. I could barely keep it close.

"Sweety, what are you barking at?" Its a girls voice, the daughter? He has a whole family here? As she opens the bedroom door, I just hang on for dears life on the other side. Hidden from view, she tells her mut "See? There's nothing here silly."

She closes the door nice and shut. Yes! Go! Go! Shoo! But the dog insists on barking at me. "Hmm..on second thought, maybe I should thoroughly inspect the room."

Fuck! I look around me frantically. Wait? A window? And its open! I leap out. I land in the backyard. Another giant dog chained up. But there's a normal sized horse. Another member of my group had the same idea. He mounts his stolen horse and rides away. I hop on my stolen horse and ride out in the same direction. On this rare occasion, riding a horse felt realistic.

I magically knew that the new hideout was just on the other side of the street, passed the mansions private forest. The new hideout was a, cooler? I would have to shrink just to go inside, but sis is waiting for me. I enter the new "cooler" hideout.

It was very cramped...."Is there space for me?"

"Its about time you showed up, staying with us this time?"

I couldn't make more than three steps without bumping into something. So I just chilled out by the door. I couldn't lay down, so I just slept leaning against the wall.

The next morning we woke up hearing massive footsteps outside our cooler. Its the daughter, she retrieves her horse. I'm freaking out thinking 'She's seen our cooler? Whats next?'. The group abandons the cooler and everyone goes their separate ways.

Now its just me and sis. Sis kept blabbing on and on and on and I kept telling her "shhhhh....the giants will hear us! Do you wanna be squished??" I decided to go ahead and scope out the private forest of the mansion. Maybe its large enough to hide in plain sight.

But when I scoped it out I had a horrifying realization. What I thought was a huge forest property was nothing more but a regular front yard with some scattered bushes. It only looked like a forest because for some reason we were so much tinier. Not only that, but through their yard I could see the rest of suburbia!

These folks aren't giants, they're regular sized people! We were the ones who were different. Being tiny people in suburbia seemed even scarier than giants or zombies! "We have to get out of here!"

I lead sis through suburbia desperately looking for a safe place to stay for the night. We walked through an intersection with a gas stop and a car almost ran us over! The car comes to a screeching halt.

"Woah, take a look at these cats. They're weird looking. They're hind legs are straight like people legs."

"You're right! Are those really..cats?"

What? I take a look at sis and realize - not only are we tiny, were not even human! "Come on" I lead my cat-monster-sis to some bushes that we can hide in for the rest of the night. The next day suburbia was all abuzz about these tiny monsters that have invaded town. The mansion owners released falcons to track us down. Revealing our location, the humans quickly came with their long sticks, nets and cages.

I thought about the others. How could we ever reach them or hear from them again?

Me and sis evaded the humans and ran into a real forest. We lived there for sometime, just the two of us. Then, some humans who were walking along our creek find us and threaten to skin us like animals. I get pissed off, tired of it all, and transform into a normal sized gargoyle. But before I could show those humans what a real monster looks like - I woke up.

Test test, is this post working yet?

October 3, 2012

Synopsis: me and sis visit uncle alex, the whole family joins us. Later, I try doing dishes. After, I join a group students learning to control monsters with chi, then we party hard.

Uncle Alex's Place
Sis gets the idea to visit uncle Alex unannounced at 11pm. His house is huge, tucked away on a large forested plot. Our uncle has a guest over, a lady is interviewing him for a job. Sis worries were not properly dressed and that we'll embarres him. Still, we open the front door and go in. I stay by the front door while sis goes looking for uncle.

But he's back outside saying goodbye to the lady. He turns around and he's suprised to see us. Suddenly the whole extended family shows up and were just having a big old spontanious party. We decide we should let our poor uncle so we go home.

That's when I try to do the dishes. But I have dream-foggy-brain-syndrome and I try to wash the dishes by turning on a spicket near the floor. Now the whole kitchen is flooding, the water rolls down away. Holding the dirty dish in my hand at 12am "I dont think this is how you wash dishes". After that I woke up.

Power Party
Standing in a field with other students, our teacher instructs us on how to attract and manipulate the monsters. They looked like pokemon or digimon. I waited for a monster to notice me. It wasn't hard, they love attacking people.

An adorable pokemon thing comes charging at me. I charge up my chii and attack it as my instructor showed me. The monster was subdued. So long as I kept pouring my own energy into it, it was like my pet.

I watched the other students. One of the students starts to freak out and mutats into a monster. "Thats what he gets for using too much chii"

"Wait, so if you do it wrong you turn into the monster?"

"Didn't you listen to anything teacher said?"

Suddenly I had a new goal. I must be the worst student and turn into a monster!!

It gets dark so they shoo us back inside. I dont know what dorm room to stay in, its kinda finders keepers. I end up in a room with five other people. But in moments we realized we were looking for each other, our whole lives.

It was the best dorm party ever and it all felt so real. This tiny little crammed room of best friends forever. They joke about exams tomorrow. The hallways are filled, the kitchen, every where you step is a student.

I start to realize I'm dreaming and I could careless about being a good student. I drag my new friends outside. "But its against the rules" "I dont care, were dreaming". I grab my friends hand and drag him as I walk right through the glass plane. The rest follow us.

Outside we run along the campus. The monsters in the night were freaky instead of cute pokemon. Again my friends warn me how dangerous it is to try to control them at night, they tell me its impossible. I give it a try anyways. The monsters are a lot more powerful and I needed my friends to help me subdue just one.

An instructor spots us and questions us. My friends whine again I got them in trouble, but instead I start flying to show them that it doesnt matter to me because its just a dream.

July 31, 2012

Synopsis: First I help my sister make her flight to puerto rico, then I race around with my team to make sure we catch our flight. Later, I'm in Bronx and I meet a strange woman with creole magical cooking skills.

Ticket to Puerto Rico
I'm driving my sis around town. I don't know what my destination is all I know is I'm in a mad rush. The highway slowly merges with a mall, which then becomes an airport.

Were running late but the street were on, which is inside the airport building, is under construction. And now the flight of stairs we need is blocked. Well, its only blocked for cars.

We run up the stairs and at the computer station we find out sis' flight is already boarding! We print the ticket and the clerk leads the way to the terminal gate. I remember thinking how strange it was that I'm able to go this far into the airport without going through security. I thought you had to have a ticket to get to the gates?

I fail to do a RC.

"This way, in here" The clerk leads us to an area that once again looks more like a mall. Sis' gate looks like a smokey game room. And rather than boarding into an airplane, she has to board the hippie bus parked in the center of the game room. It was full and the last seat was hers!

I wave goodbye, she's on her way to puerto rico, I'm so jealous!

I woke up stressed out and upset. Why did I stress myself out getting sis to PR, what about me?

When I fell back asleep I'm back in the airport. This time I have a scheduled flight to puerto rico with my entire team - an olympic team. What sport, I dont know.

The whole team races through the airport and we had numerous hurdles to overcome. But really, we just got lost.

I find the original game room sis' hippie bus/gate was in. But its completely empty now.

"This way to our gate!"

The whole group follows the leader, through a cafeteria kitchen and out the back door. There she is, our beautiful airplane gleaming in the sunlight waiting to take us to puerto rico.

Suddenly a clerk stops me and my friend. "I'm sorry but your names aren't listed on this flight, where are your tickets?"

What? I came all this way and now shes trying to tell me I can't get onboard? "Oh hell bitch, I am getting on that plane"

I shoove her aside and me and my friend run inside the plane. I woke up shortly after.

Bronx Alley-(brief morning dream)
It must have been around 3am when me and sis decided we were bored/hungry and we left our apartment. Instead of texas, were in a bronx alley.

Walking down the fire-escape steps, a gang of guys cat-call us and make it hard to walk by. But our destination was a friendly neighbor just down below.

She opens her door wide and greats us inside. Shes wearing big flowy colorful clothing. Her apartment is warm and full of random things, so many things. And she made this huge meal, even though its 3am, who was she expecting to feed?

She talked as big and hearty as her creole cooking. But I cant remember now what she had told me. By the time she served me food, I wasn't hungry and then I woke up.

June 21, 2012

Synopsis: It's a naruto style challenge where teams fight to be number one, but the damn teachers try to tell us flying is against the rules

Notes: I was attempting to dream share with Cay but never reached lucidity

Naruto Style Challenge--Flying Cheaters
Our Naruto style challange was to take down here, at the supermarket!!!

Our teachers assembled us into teams of two. For this ninja game half the teams were designated as the predators and the other half were our prey.

My teammate was a young blonde teenager, tall and skiny with delicate oval shaped head. She was quiet and shy and I wondered what ninja skills she had. It's my lucky day, our team is to play as predators. We were allowed to see the information of who we were chasing only once.

I tried to memorize the faces and names, but my memory is terrible. And as soon as they took away the info cards I totally forgot the names of my target. My teammate luckily did not. Our targets were also female. I got the impression after we hunted our hiding targets we were then to become a four-man-cell.

So the sucess of our team depends on the sucess of us finding our team!

Since I couldn't remember who the hell my target was I just attacked who ever was in my way! The super market was an all out war. Hiding ninjas were being caught left and right. Most of us faught like wimpy genin.

I tried to be cooler and use some fire-bending, but fire is really my worst element. I wanna be the winning team so I got tired of pushing through the mayhem. I've got to find my targets now! I jump over the stocking shelves, sprout some wings and fly over the crowd.

"Hey that's cheating!"

"As if!"

A few others get the same idea and fly over the crowd to find their targets.

I land at the back at of the super market and I get the strange sense one of my targets is hiding inside of a cereal box? I pick it up and examine all the details of the box. Theres hints of my target all over it. The name of the cereal is a girls name, there's a picture of a face on the back. But I'm not sure if its my target or not!

My dream gets really abstract examining that box. Things get fuzzy and then stabilize again when all the teams have assembled again at the front of the super market.

"We'll announce the winners, but before we do a few teams here are disqualified for cheating."

They call out my first name but the wrong last name.

"Wait! Do you mean my team, why are we disqualified?"

"No flying allowed!"

I fly above the teachers heads "That's a load of bull! Were all monsters here! Why can't we fly?"

They try to tell me its because were genin so the skill is too advanced for the other teams.

"Whatever!" I ask everyone who knows how to fly to take the air. At least half the teams do. The teachers and the flightless are even more infuriated. I guess the teachers are too lame to know how to fly. This whole challenge is lame!

I run free outside alongside my teammate and other ninja.

"I...I..don't know how to fly."

I show my teammate how to begin flying. "First make a big jump!"

She does a wimpy hop. "No! Jump like you mean it! Like this!" I leap like a frog. "Keep practicing jumping until you can do this" I took my legs behind me as I jump. "Then jump again except this time, keep your feet tucked behind you and dont touch the floor. Float!"

My friend and other genin ninjas practice jumping in the sunny green surburbia. I woke up after that.

June 18, 2012

Backyard Hideout

It's a late summer night and me and my comrades are hiding in someone's backyard. Of all the places to hide were hiding in the backyard of our enemy. We tip-toed from hiding spot to hiding spot with careful steps like a herd of deer.

The enemy found us and we use magic to hold him off while others escaped.

Eventually I became lightly lucid and get the idea I should just ditch this dream for another. The back fence had two doors. I open the first. It's a sunlit world of giant fierce elephant-gorilla creatures who were simply relaxing by the rocky cliffs. They looked too fierce to join! In the dream I knew them by name, but now I've forgotten what I called them.

I opened the next door and its a bunch of hippies sitting by a camp fire making music. Great! I tell all of my hiding comrades that I've found us a new home.

"wheres my drum?"

My friends try to find it for me but all we could find in the backyard were pots and pans and other odd things. Well, whatever works. We close the door, leaving the other dream. We bang on our pots and pans but we've got no rhythm.

May 10, 2012

Domestic Nightmare:
I was back in the old apartment in SA, home alone. After a long day all I wanted to do was wind down. So I was watching an anime and using headphones. I thought about going out for a bit, but since it was so late the idea of walking alone in the parking lot scared me. I decided it would be better to wait for sis to get home.

Then I notice a strange shadow. It looks like its coming from me, created by a really soft light judging how huge the shadow was. But the profile was all wrong, the shadow's profile was of a man. Then the shadow starts to move contrary to my own movements. And there were noises coming from the bedroom.

My heart is pounding, what's happening? I scream at the dream "stop it! stop it!" but I don't become lucid. But the shadow keeps moving. A man in all black steps out of the bedroom.

I don't think. I don't hesitate. I just do exactly as I would have done were this a real life moment. I grabbed my cell phone that was next to me and ran out the front door as fast as I could. I regretted not having my keys but its too late for that.

This is my worst nightmare! Literally speaking, a man breaking entry when I'm home alone.

This fear, this feeling of running barefoot in the dead of the night, it was too real for comfort. It didn't help that my apartment was next to no-where. I run back around the apartment hoping that by running back it would be the opposite of his expectation.

I dodge into a bristly bush, and for a moment I think how strange it is that jumping into this bush didn't hurt. But I didn't become lucid.

He sees me. Like a horror movie he walks towards me cool and calm while I struggle to get to my feet. I try to dial 911 but my fingers fumble and dial 912. I try again, except I trip and fall to my feet.

He's standing right over me now. I scream but my voice is so weak no one hears me. He swings his arm towards me, I close my eyes and wake up.

I was so shaken I couldn't fall back asleep. It scares me because, its real. Things like this really happen, every day, every hour.

When I do finally fall asleep, I had a FA. He was there again, he steps out of my closet and stands over me. Thank God the dream was fuzzy as hell. I try to imagine its just my dad come to visit me. The figure disappears but now I hear heaving breathing on the other side of the room.

I scream! "WHO'S THERE!? WHO'S THERE!?" It stops and I wake up.

My next dream was much nicer, it helps when the sun has already risen. Towards the end of the dream I was lucid and take my time tasting dream fruit.

February 15, 2012

Synopsis: After a quiet day in a vacation home, the sun explodes and this signifies alien invasion. Slightly abstract hard to remember dream.

Vacation Day Exploded
I’m driving my family to a natural reserve, the bumpy road is hard on my car and so is the steep hill. After parking I’m worried the park’s entrance is miles back the other way, but sis finds it just up this little path.

We were staying a vacation home inside an old-school village with icrecream shops. Mom disappears some where in there, Dad goes off to get pastries, and sis V moans and whines because she has to go to work. I really just wanted to go for a long walk, but no one will walk with me because sis L is too busy doing I don’t know what.

So I just chill in the vacation home with sis L.

I’m looking at the sun through the window blinds. So bright and warm, I tell sis – “we should go for a walk like right now!”. Suddenly the sun burns red-orange and lights up the whole sky with a hot glow. All the time I’m still watching through the window blinds. Suddenly, what I thought was the sun, hurls towards the earth and crashes in another window view.

I’m glued to the window watching a huge mushroom cloud rise up from beyond the park. I scream at sis “are you seeing this?” and I think about running to get my camera. What the hell am I thinking about? I can see a shock wave traveling across the landscape. Me and sis duck and lay flat on the ground, but nothing happens.

All is quiet now. I get this weird feeling, that this explosion is actually a part of an alien invasion. And we don’t want to advertise where we are, so I reach for the remote and turn off the TV. I look over to sis who looks terrified. I whisper “We need to be very quiet, no lights, this is an –“

“No don’t say it!” She starts to cry. The whole idea of aliens invading really freaks her out. Ironically her eyes kinda looked alien right now. I try to comfort her as she cries softly. Then I wake up.

February 9, 2010

Synopsis: It's an all out gang war in a huge house and I try to fight back with fire. Later, me and my dream husband escape but we leave our kitten daughter behind. Slightly abstract dream bordering lucidity with dream control.

Fire Fight
The dream started out nice with a large group of people just hanging out in a huge house. But then a pecking order started and that turned into a gang war leaving half the house torn apart. The other gang was hostile. We turned to fire to defend ourselves.

Being an old house we found these brass and iron antique items. I'm not sure what they were, a mix between a rod and a candelabra. Either way, they lit on fire nice. We got oil, paper, sticks, whatever we could to start the spark.

But the other gang was winning. They cornered us to a single room. At first the kids thought they were safe. But I knew we were just rats in a cage in here and there was a second door to the room that no one was guarding. I grabbed our iron fire stick and thought using sticks and paper to make fire was way too slow. So I tried to fire-bend instead.

It worked! But I'm not good at this fire bending stuff and I'm having trouble making it grow. The bad gang bursts through the side door. I try to create a wall of fire but its not working so well. Its like I'm only imagining there's a wall of fire but my imagination isn't manifesting in the dream. Still it held them back long enough for my gang to escape.

The dream transforms. I'm in an All-Generic-Building. It looks like a cross of a suburb smushed inside a warehouse with gardens inside of stair rails. Me and my imaginary dream husband are trying to escape from an enemy I don't even know. There's a concrete ravine in our way, on the other side is the exit door. At the time I was carrying my daughter, a black kitten. I put her down and fly my my husband across the ravine.

The bad guys were right behind us, so we hid underneath a table. My poor kitten cries from the otherside. Then I woke up.

(backlog)
November 20, 2011

Synopsis: A restless night where short dream offers me - pain

Note: Hallucinated fruit flies upon waking

Sensation: Pain
Mom is driving me home, she's come to visit for the week. As well pull in the parking lot I show her a strange fruit I found recently growing on the local trees.

When you first peel it it looks like a pomegranate. But it has this pit, like a peach. And the two halves of the fruit can rotate around that pit - making the fruit take entirely new shape. Now it kinda looks like two lungs attacked to a dark brown pit.

When I step out the car I noticed an ant hill. I carefully walk over it - but floating ants catch me by surprise.

At first I didn't know what it was - I thought it was a strange bug hanging from a web strand. It swung back and forth, scared to touch it I'd jump back. But I got a close look at it. It was ants, holding onto eachother and making themselves appear much larger as they swing on this web.

Well I'm glad I avoided them becuase they look aggressive.

Mom is opening the door and I try to walk - but I can't move. Theres ants in my pants and they're biting places they shouldn't. Ow! Ow! I try to swipe them off and run inside so I can get my pants off. Ow! Ow! Their burning stings wake me up. The pain is instantly gone.

In another dream - I don't remember all the details, but at some point I get a paper cut. The really itchy burning kind.

There was a third dream, but I don't remember this one anymore or the pain sensation it gave me.

When I woke up there's a giant cloud of fruit flies buzzing over my head, and a few house flies. They were so real looking. The way they buzzed around bumping into each other. Their tiny wings. Damn. Why are they flying over my head? Are we infested with fruit flies again, I thought we got rid of them?

After a few moments the flies flew away as if they knew they were spotted.

The next morning I went looking for the flies. We had three house flies. But I only found one fruit fly buzzing around the kitchen. The swarm of flies couldn't have really been there - plus such a large swarm would make noise and it was silent. Damn - I'm still seeing gnats when I wake up.

November 21, 2011

Synopsis: A hospital clinic is just behind my closet door, and its headed by pure evil

Note: Im sure the dream is a metaphor I can't figure out!

Closet Clinic
Dad wants me to take him to small hospital clinic. For some reason I know this clinic because I'm there everyday - even though I'm neither a patient or a doctor. I drive him over and take him to the back entrance, I've spent hours roaming the hospital so I knew where all the doctor rooms were.

"You can just go in that room and a doctor will eventually show up"

But he thought it was weird to just sneak into a hospital like that. So we walked all through the hospital just to make it to the front lobby where he can wait his turn properly. Now I know my relationship to the hospital. I tell dad, "I'll be nearby. My bed is just over there."

The hospital clinic is just right through my closet door!

I left dad alone and relaxed in my room. Laying down on my bed, I stared at the eerie glow emanating from the closet door. Now and then I'd open the door to check on dad. The door was like a portal and opened up to any part of the clinic I wanted to see.

But apparently I was seeing too much. I started to get a sense that someone didn't like how easily I can spy and intrude on the hospital clinic. A male presence. Angry.

I asked a few of the nurses if they had felt this presence. They come in my bedroom to talk in secret and they tell me about the head of the hospital, an evil man. Some even went as far as to say he was the devil.

I hoped that dad was okay and that some twisted experiment wasn't being performed on him!

Suddenly my closet door swings open on its own. Its facing down a long hallway, at the end of the hallway was a room - black and red. I can see the tall lean figure sitting on the other end.

If it wasn't for the dream being a bit foggy, this scene would have been totally ape shit freaky. Thankfully, thanks to foggy-dream-ness, it was just weird.

The nurses warn me! "He's coming for you!"

Shit! I gotta get out of here! I slam the closet door. What to do? What to do? I jump out my window and try to fly away. He chases after me and uses dark magical attacks. I dispel each one with my left hand. "You can't hurt me!"

But I was completely stuck. The dream environment was a square. The landscape had walls. The sky had a ceiling. I retreated back to my bedroom as his prisoner. He told me I could never leave, and then went back to his duties at the hospital.

Well, I just can't stay here.

I try again. I fly out my window and this time I really focus on exiting this landscape. There's a posted sign, its not really sign. I don't remember words or pictures or anything. But there was a sign, and somehow the sign let me know that just past it was a peaceful heavenly realm free of evil. Great! I look for a small entrance and squeeze my way through.

When they said heavenly I was expecting something a little more - I dunno - colorful?

The heavenly realm was bleak. Imagine cardboard boxes stacked to look like buildings. Still the people were nice and warmly greeted me. They told me more about this place

"Here, all your thoughts manifest. Go ahead and try it"

There was this weird device in front of me, so I tried rearranging its configuration. I imagined the buttons would follow where ever my fingers moved. The buttons moved so fluidly it was awesome. I started playing with my environment more.

A girl was using her imagination to color the cardboard buildings, now covered in linen.

"Whats with these ugly buildings anyways?"

"Well they used to be oh so colorful, but then we got tired of all the colors so we toned the place down a bit. But I think we can try introducing color again slowly"

BANG.....BANG.....

Something is trying to break through the barrier of the heavenly realm. "Its him! He's come for me!"

BANG.......BANG......

"Seal it up!"

Already two magic doors appeared - and they were unlocked. Everyone races to the doors and seal it with prayers written on paper, like in anime. We sealed the doors but he still broke in. I was ready to stand up to him, and so were my new friends. But I woke up at that point.

October 30, 2011

Synopsis: In sharp contrast to "Fracture", this dream was explosively happy. Another OccupyDallas dream. Robots invade. We win. That simple.

Thoughts Explode
I was with OccupyDallas, a group of about 100. Our happy little group gets infiltrated by alien robots! These robots divide us, to weaken our solidarity. They then milk us for everything we had - literally - like we were cows.

And that's when the protesters scream "But I don't even have utters!"

We got tired of this bull. My captured group of about 10, sneak behind our robot overlord and find a few cables behind his neck. What happens if we - oh - lots of oil spills out. Robot down!

These robots aren't so tough!

"Lets go free the others!"

The group quickly disperses to be re-captured and then tell their captured friends how to free themselves.

Mom calls

"Everythings fine I'm not arrested. Something is going down right now, but soon everything will be okay". I thought it would take a while for the group to collectively to take down all these alien robots. I was wrong. In the middle of the phone call I hear the whole of OccupyDallas explode into a roar of glee!

Just like that, everyone was free!

"Already?"

And I thought - the knowledge exploded like a wild-fire!

The group starts to march a glory march - declaring their victory! "I GOTTA GO MOM IM MISSING IT" I hang up and run as fast as I can to catch up. I find my place in the front and march merrily. Sure we only took down alien robots, but we felt like we could take down anything.

October 29, 2011

Synopsis: This dream reminds me a lot of "I'll never give up". Except now that I've joined OccupyDallas, it has a different context. I'm with a group of rebels that fractures and attacks its own members. And I never found out why.

Fracture
We were a happy group of rebels and we were all united under a single cause. We lived together in the AllGenericBuilding. Something happened, and I never understood why it happened. One day, half of the group decided that the other half needs to be exterminated.

Former comrades attacked me and friends without warning. We fled, as none of us could honestly fight former comrades. At this point we discover our talents. I transform into a gargoyle.

My poor forsaken family lived in fear. I tried my best to find us a safer place to live. Before we feared the government. Now we were fearing our former allies. We flew through room and room and room desperately searching for sanctity.

But in the AllGenericBuilding, everything is like a mall - out in the public.

We tried to blend in in the mall. But our attackers were close by. "Quick we need to leave!". The group races ahead. We reach a fork in the mall. The left leads to large glass doors that lead to the outside. I really wanted us to go that way! But the group felt it was way to visible, they could see us for miles.

Instead they went to the right, down a small hallway and into a room with no windows or doors. This was what I was afraid of. Still I went with them, not wanting to leave my only family now.

We could hear them nearby! Where do we go now? Someone in our group finds a trap door that leads to a basement. Awesome, we can hide in here until they leave. The basement looked like a theatre.

We thought we were safe, but they were waiting for us inside the theatre. It was a trap, and they were leading us like a school of fish the entire time. The battle that ensued was horrible. I remember stabbing some guys eye out with a pen.

Only half of us made it out. I still never knew why they were attacking us, or why half of my friends had to die. This left me so angry and confused. Why? Why was this happening? I looked at my poor group. So torn. So broken. On its last leg of hope. We looked like war refugees - in a fancy mall where no one even knows what we've just been through.

"Come on. We can't stay here. Let's keep moving" So we do

October 2, 2011

Synopsis: We mutants just want to live in peace. But they wanted war. I lead the revolution, everything falls apart, but I'm too pissed to give up!

Notes: Hi, its been a while!

I'll Never Give Up
We all lived in an all-generic-building, mutants and normal people. As the story goes, the mutants were hated and feared most especially by the government. We were treated as second rate citizens and confined to certain areas of the building - our home and prison.

Some brave boys started the revolution. They inspired all of us. Behind closed doors we gathered and pledged united under our single mission - freedom for all!!

I was no one special among the group, just a new recruit. My specialty was lightning. But we mutants were so united, that the power of one could be used by the other. At first our revolutions were harmless! Like college rebels, we mostly did sit-ins or used our gifts in public despite it pissing the government off.

We were thrown out of the building, denied jobs or rights, and forced to live like thieves. So naturally, we were still living in the building except now we didnt pay rent!

After months of trying to rid us like roaches, the government made a compromise. They delivered the letter to me. It said that we mutants would be recognized as citizens again, if only we pay our bills!

I take the letter to our noble and young leader "That's it? They just want money? That's easy. We can do that!"

The revolutionary mutant leaders and several of the top members of our rebel group met with officials to sign the deal. But the officials didn't come. After waiting a long while, I was getting nervous, something is wrong.

Instead of officials walking through the door, we were greeted by, of all people, mutants!

I thought maybe they wanted to join our group, but instead they said "You mutants are all the same. Monsters too dangerous to exist in this world. We are here on behalf of the government to do their dirty work. And the pay is nice."

"Scum! We are fighting for all our freedom, don't you understand what you're doing?"

"Didn't you hear us? We are monsters, so we don't give a damn. Were going to end your stupid revolution by ending you!"

They attacked, and with their fierce powers they killed our young leader, who was too kind to seriously injure another fellow mutant. An all out mutant fight broke out, as mutant children cried for our leader.

I gave it my all! One lighting strike, thats all it takes, one lightning strike! I fought side by side with my friend, who fights like a wild animal. The living room is torn apart. It feels more like domestic violence than something in an X-men movie.

They corner me, but I shift into water and slip away. I share that gift with my friends, and they shift into water and slip away from the bad guys.

I look around me and realize were losing! Our numbers are dwindling and I have no idea where half our team is! Everyone is so terrified as they fight for the lives. This is no good.

"Retreat!"

We escape the mutant attackers and hide even deeper in the all generic building. Speaking only in whispers. Since our leader and all the top members were dead, that left me the next highest rank. I was now the leader of a broken mutant revolution.

I kept us hidden and safe for months. We had more mutant children than mutant adults. So all of us pitched together to keep them safe and happy. We always stayed together. We were family.

It was spring time so together we took the kids on a field trip. Still outcasts and wanted, it was really tricky taking 20 plus mutant kids on a field trip. We ended up hiding beneath a football stadium that had a good view of the zoo.

That's when I noticed that we weren't alone! Cops, school buses, tourists, it seemed the whole city was gathering here and even though there was no game.

"We need to get everyone out!"

But before we could leave the stadium was filled. The mutant kids hiding under the bleachers were so used to this sort of thing, they just continued chatting away anyways. I got distracted by a spider web and moved too much! That's when a normal human saw me.

The old man recognized me right away, seeing as how I was the new notorious mutant leader. But he just asked me which way did his wife go. And I just point that way! It guess not even the normal humans want this war to continue.

After a close call we return to our home in the all-generic-building. We can't keep living like this! I talk with my group and suggest "We can all have an animal form, and take residence in a forest."

"That's a good idea!"

"What should I pack for a forest? What do you think of these pants?"

My friends start to pack big bags for the forest. "I'm not bringing anything" I said "I'm just gonna go naked. Anyways, don't take too long, we need to leave soon!"

My sister, who was normal, came to visit me. These types of visits were always dangerous for both parties. I was happy to see my sister again!

That's when my second in command informs me that those scum-sold-out-mutants were on the hunt again, and they were just down the hallway. Shit! Everyone had to stay quiet. These mutants were powerful and dangerous!

But sis, who was in the other room missed the warning. And she closes the door way too loud.

"They'll hear that! They know where we are now!"

"Quick, get into the back room!"

I tell my sis she has to stay behind, or else they will search for us. She's normal so it'll be okay.

But the bad mutants were already waiting for us in the back room. This raid was even worse than the first one. They swiftly divide our group and drag innocent mutants away to be arrested. Others were less lucky and were murdered on the spot. I fight with everything! But our numbers dwindle. Ten, Seven, Five

Theres just three of us now!! Just three!! We had to run. We leave the building and enter a warehouse with the bad mutants attacking behind us. My team member stays behind to keep them bay. I don't think he lives.

Now its just me and my best friend. "Hurry! We need to leave the city!"
She transforms into a black dog and runs ahead, but she runs into a dead end. I quickly dodge and hide as the bad guys run past me. My friend was too slow and I hear gun shots.

Now its only me.

The bad guys find me.

"Theres no use in resisting. And don't even think to use your powers. I've filled the room with poisonous gas. Your brain is already melting. Just come quietly with us." They smiled. I was their prize. The last leader of the mutant revolution.

I was shaking "Let me see my friend again, I want to say good-bye."

"No."

Now I'm pissed! I'm really pissed, I ain't giving up! I quickly place my hand on their foreheads and let my lighting rip. I think the poisonous gas only made it more explosive. I quickly run to my friend, still in dog form. She's still breathing!

I tell her that I love her, dont die. She gains some strength and gets back on her feet. But I carry her anyways. They're right behind me. I run. Out the window. They chase me in and out of buildings. We run inside a house, my friend hides, but she hides again in a dead end.

"Not in there!" too late

He's right behind me. I screaming in my head "I'll never give up! I'll never give up!" I shift in and out of buildings. Through anything! "Ill never give up! I'll never give up!" I end up in a kitchen with nothing to shift through, my reflection stares back at me from a golden plate.

He's searching for me in the bedroom. "I'll never give up, I'll never give up." I look for a way out. There! A window! I can see my green forest. I can carry out my plan of living life in there - I run towards it. And then I wake up, with the image of my green forest glowing from a kitchen window stuck in my head.

I was upset that I didn't get to finish the dream and rescue the mutants that were imprisoned.