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2019, 10-22

Skyrim: The Endless Loop

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am on my computer, sitting in my own living room. I am reading a web comic called Cookie and Rose by Cobi van Leeuwen which follows the adventures of two Pusheen sisters named Cookie and Rose and their friends and family. This episode starts out with the ladies entering into an Egyptian pyramid to explore. It is night and the headlights of their jeep provide the only light revealing the entrance. The ladies and a couple other Sheens enter the pyramid. One of them has a map showing the layout of an expansive series of passages and chambers in the pyramid. Shortly after they have entered the main corridor there is a loud noise and the ground disappears from underneath Cookie’s feet. Cookie drops out of sight along with the torch she is carrying. Everysheen gasps and Rose reaches for her sister, but it is too late. Cookie is gone and nosheen knows where to. This is where the episode ends. I leave a comment that says, “COOKIE! NO!” with a shocked emoji. Well that’s enough Facebook for now, I take out my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR.

The game starts up and goes directly to the beginning sequence. I am back in the cart with Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric. This stupid thing has looped again! I quietly curse at the Thalmor, who I blame for the loop. Then I find myself singing a song from Silent Hill 4 called Tender Sugar… “Not again, not again, not again, this dream I can't awake. What is real, what is real, what is real? It's getting hard for me to take. What I need, what I need, what I need, a little something I rely. And the white sugar gently hides me. Oh the sweet sugar saves me, it's the room that confines me…” The driver of the carriage calls back to stop that singing. I stop singing and I realize Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric are all staring at me. Can they hear me? This game wasn’t supposed to have voice recognition… Ralof tells me to go ahead and keep singing… what are they going to do? Execute me twice? This sets Lokir off, he says it’s all Ralof’s and Ulfric’s fault that he got captured and if he had his way he would see both of them burned alive over a low fire so it would take a nice long time for them to die. Then he emphasizes that he doesn’t include me in that, he knows I’m no foul Stormcloak and… I tell him to cram it. He does a double take, but then for a wonder, he shuts up.

We arrive in Helgen and go in. I see Elenwen on a horse not far off. I mutter to myself that I will definitely fus her straight to Oblivion this time. A fus, a ro, and a dah and she will go flying off of the highest cliff I can find into the endless abyss. Then I realize I’m thinking aloud and Ulfric is looking at me and I shut up. Now I am in front of the Imperial captain who orders my unjust execution and the lyrics of Metallica come out… “Die, die, die, my darling! Don't utter a single word! Die, die, die, my darling! Just shut your pretty mouth, I'll be seeing you again. I'll be seeing you in Hell!” Then General Tullius is giving his monologue. Ulfric is completely ignoring him and looking at me. This seems to frustrate Tullius a bit, his monologue seems less confident and he finally walks off. Ulfric keeps staring at me. Now Evanescence lyrics from the song Taking Over Me come out, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself… “You don't remember me, but I remember you. I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you. But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do…” The lyrics trail off as I ask if Ulfric somehow DOES remember me… no, that’s impossible. This is another loop.

Everything goes normally from there. They try to have my head off and then Alduin attacks. I follow Ralof and the other Stormcloaks into the tower. But then it hits me that I’ve lost all of the progress I’d made in my previous game. This feels extremely depressing and I just drop to my knees under the weight of the depression. I ignore Ulfric when he says we need to move now, he’s not talking about me. Ralof tells me to get up the tower, but I ignore him, too. I say I think I’ll sit this one out. Ulfric asks what I’m waiting for. I look up, wondering why Ulfric would be addressing me when there are Stormcloaks who need to get away safely, including a wounded Stormcloak near me. I focus healing energy and he recovers. It must have been him Ulfric was talking to. I return to waiting to see what happens if I just sit here. Then someone is pulling me to my feet. I look and see Ulfric. He says he doesn’t know why I have decided to give up so easily… I say I have done this sooooo many times… Ulfric continues and says there’s no way the Dragonborn would give up, we’re leaving now. Then Ralof is also pulling me up. If I don’t go I’ll probably get Ralof and Ulfric killed… but how does Ulfric know I’m Dragonborn? That hasn’t been discovered yet…

I get up and go along with Ulfric and Ralof. Aside from Ulfric being with us everything is following the normal course. I get separated for a bit and have to follow Hadvar until I find Ralof again. I don’t see Ulfric. Ralof says they got separated. The rest of the intro quest goes normally. I take too much pleasure in setting the Imperial captain on fire, the one who ordered my execution even though I wasn’t on the list. Ralof and I get out of Helgen just as Alduin is flying away. Ralof wants to get my promise that there will be no more talk of giving up. I realize my depression has lifted some and I no longer feel like giving this cycle up. I tell Ralof it was a passing depression, and it has passed now. I thank him for helping me. He says we are both safe, that’s what counts. We make our way to Riverwood before I wake up.

2019, 05-29

Regular Dream - Semi-lucid Dream - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am in Windhelm. I see one of my least favorite people, Rolff, following a Dunmer and saying rude things. The Dunmer is Suvaris, she’s just ignoring him. I walk over and get his attention. I tell him stop harassing people. He calls me an elf lover and says people like me are as bad as they are. I tell him he is the scum that even bottom feeders won’t touch and he is good only for fus’ing practice. Suvaris turns around and starts to say Rolff isn’t worth getting in trouble over, but before she finishes her sentence I fus Rolff. FUS-RO-DAH! Rolff flies through the air and slams into the stone wall of Candlehearth Hall then falls to the ground in a heap. He isn’t moving. Suvaris asks if I killed him. I say no, it was just a fus. But I’m unsure… did the idiot go and die? I try to remember when I last saved, wondering if I should just leave him dead. Skyrim would be slightly better without him. But I see him moving when I go over to him. He groans and picks himself up. He says I’m crazy and was trying to kill him. I say if I wanted to kill him he would be dead, but if he stops being an asshole I won’t bother him. He says fine, he’ll leave the gray-skins… er… elves alone if I promise not to kill him. Before I can answer he disappears into Candlehearth Hall.

I’m not sure what I was in the middle of doing before I saw Rolff being an asshole. Why am I in Windhelm? I go into the Palace of the Kings. Did I need to talk to someone in here? I see Galmar and Rolff in the back of the room, apparently Rolff snuck out the back door of Candlehearth Hall. From what I hear Galmar isn’t being too sympathetic with Rolff. He says he told Rolff if he kept up his behavior eventually he would get his ass kicked. Rolff sees me and starts insisting I’m there to finish the job. Galmar asks if I’m trying to kill his brother. I say no, if I was trying to kill Rolff he would already be dead. It was only a fus for Rolff being an ass. The fus is done, so unless I see him being an ass again… The doors open and a guard runs in looking panicked. He says they’re here, they’re at the gates! Without even thinking about it I ask who, but he ignores me. Galmar goes over to the guard, the dispute between Rolff and me clearly pushed aside. The guard goes to Galmar and tells him the Thalmor are here, and they have the black crystal. Black crystal? That doesn’t sound good… so I head out to see.

Note: I wake up here, but I use a DEILD technique I read about and somehow manage to get back into the dream…

I am in Windhelm again, now fully lucid. I remember there are Thalmor at the main gate. I make my way through Windhelm, which seems considerably larger than it is in the Skyrim video game. I come to the main gate, which is closed and barred. There are guards who say no one enters or leaves, the city is under siege so they can’t open the gates. I say I don’t need gates. I jump up to the top of the wall, ignoring the stunned looks of the guards. I look out and I see an army of weird spectral black things. They look sort of like Thalmor, but all in black. I see one normal looking Thalmor near the back, there is a black orb floating over her head like a miniature black sun. The scene is quite disturbing. How many are there? Hundreds? A thousand? I don’t care, this is a dream and they can’t touch me. And even if they can, the worst that can happen is I wake up! And I have a plan that’s going to be awesome!

I jump down off of the wall and come face to face with a Thalmor. There actually are a few normal looking Thalmor in the group, the others all look like some form of solid shadow. I tell the Thalmor I am there to negotiate with their leader, and he doesn’t question it… he takes me through the ranks of shadow Thalmor to a woman I recognize is Elenwen. She says obviously there will be no negotiations, just a complete surrender or we will all be annihilated. I say I was about to say the same thing, but she and her shadow puppets will be the ones annihilated. She laughs at me and asks if I think the Stormcloaks stand a chance against her army. I say I never said anything about any Stormcloaks, it will just take me. So am I to assume she is refusing? Then kiss the army goodbye. She looks at me and says she can see I really believe I can do it, well no matter. I tell Elenwen I have one final thing to say, she says I had better say it fast then.

I am thinking back to an anime I watched called Slayers. There was a spell used in it called Dragon Slave, but Dragonslave uses dark energy and that will surely do no good against shadow warriors. For a bit I think I will be unable to remember the spell, but then I do remember, and I modify it as I say the words to make it use the power of the light instead of dark. “Sunlight beyond twilight, pure light is the power that flows. Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows…” The shadow Thalmor are attacking with black fire, it doesn’t burn but it seems to suck my energy out. I continue my spell, gathering my energy around me… “… In thy great name, I pledge myself to conquer, all the foes who stand, before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand. Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed, by the power you and I possess… Dragon Slave!” The resultant explosion is a blinding light that makes it impossible for me to see what is happening, but when it fades all that I see around me is a handful of dazed looking Thalmor and Elenwen staring in stunned silence. The black orb hovering above shatters like glass and turns to dust that blows away. I hope any dark energy in it was fully neutralized…

Elenwen is staring in stunned silence, I feel like I might pass out, which would most likely lead to me waking up. I guess it’s the dark energy draining my energy then the energy focused into the Dragon Slave. But I can’t look weak in front of these remaining Thalmor. I go with a video game power, I change my right arm into a sword like Alex Mercer on Prototype. I turn to the remaining Thalmor, preparing to fight with my Alex Mercer blade. They’ve had enough, however, and they take off. Elenwen is already gone, that sucks… I’d really like to fus her off of a cliff. I’m too tired to chase. Some Stormcloaks come out of the gates and chase after the Thalmor. Galmar comes out and pauses briefly, then seems convinced I’m fine and continues. So I’m alone? No one to see if I pass out. I’m about to pass out when I see I’m not alone. More Stormcloaks? I see Ulfric… I won’t pass out where anyone can see. The group that followed the Thalmor return, saying Elenwen and the Thalmor disappeared through a portal. Ulfric is staring at me as if I have grown a second head. Has he never seen a Dragon Slave? Oh, right… probably not. So I will go somewhere I can pass out and wake up in peace. I am walking away like a drunk, I almost walk into twin Ulfrics. This time I really do fall over, right on Ulfric, he holds me up for the brief moment before I wake.

Link to a video showing Dragon Slave: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QINNMT9TWIk

2019, 05-02

Regular Dream - Semi-lucid Dream - Lucid Dream - Notes

Note: When I have video game dreams they tend to be long and detailed, which is one thing I like about them. I also seem to be very slow to realize it's a dream and not a game, which is frustrating.

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am starting a new game, I am riding in the back of the cart with Ralof across from me and Ulfric to my right, but I look to where I expect Lokir to be and instead of him there is a woman. The woman is glaring at Ulfric like she would really enjoy gouging his eyes out and feeding them to him. I am surprised to see the difference, I think there must be some random factor to the fourth person in the cart when starting a new game. She tells Ulfric she won’t kill him until he begs her to. Ulfric completely ignores her, not even looking at her. Ralof tells her to watch her mouth when speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak.

The woman briefly glares at him, then she sees I’m staring at her. She turns her glare on me. I return her glare, giving my best effort at a Vegeta (Dragonball Z) glare. She says if I even think about getting in her way she’ll rip off my face and wipe her ass with it. This strikes me as funny and I start laughing. She looks confused. I ask what her name is, she says her name is Varlin, and I’d better not forget it. I tell her she wins, and as soon as I learn the three word fus, she has won herself a place on the top of my list of people to fus off of a cliff. She looks at me strangely again, she clearly does not know what a fus is. Ulfric, on the other hand, is now looking over at me, but he can’t say anything because he is gagged.

Varlin returns her glare to Ulfric, who is still staring at me. I say that knowing my luck Alduin will eat Varlin, denying me my fus. And then Alduin will probably die from eating something that nasty. This earns another brief glare from Varlin and Ulfric’s eyes get wider. It sounds like he tries to say something, but then looks frustrated and growls, still staring at me. I want to know what he has to say so I stand up, and even though my hands are tied in front of me, I reach to take the gag off. A guard riding beside the cart gets closer and uses the blunt end of his spear to push me away from Ulfric, making me fall on the floor of the cart on my ass. He says if I try that again it won’t be the blunt end he strikes me with.

We get to Helgen and everyone gets out of the cart. Varlin immediately takes action. She has somehow freed her hands. She moves lightning fast and snatches a sword from a guard, and before he can even look her way she has run it through his chest from behind. She says she came to kill Ulfric, but now she wants to kill me first. She seems to think that will be easy since I’m still tied. I really want to fus her. So I do. I let out a full three word fus, “FUS-RO-DAH!” right in her face. And it works! She is launched backwards into the stone wall that surrounds Helgen. I have surprised myself, I didn’t think I could do that yet! A glitch? Nice glitch!

General Tullius arrives with Elenwen riding a horse close behind. Tullius asks what in Oblivion is going on, some people say Varlin killed a guard, more say Ulfric shouted at Varlin, and others say I shouted at Varlin. Tullius looks to where Varlin landed, but she is gone. He then looks at Ulfric, then at me. My cool down for shouting has finished, so I tell Tullius I have a message from Thorald Gray-Mane, and the message is, “Fus you.” He looks puzzled, then I fus him in the face. Now Tullius flies through the air and crashes into Elenwen, knocking her off of her horse. The two fall to the ground in a heap, they land in a pile of poop just dropped by Elenwen’s horse. I start laughing. This glitch is too fun!

These changes don’t delay Alduin’s arrival. He swoops over the tower and breathes fire. People start running, my ability to shout is no longer important. Tullius gets up and starts organizing a defense, all unarmed and bound prisoners make a run for cover. I turn towards Alduin and let out a fus. It does little more than surprise him, and he replies with a blast of fire. Ulfric grabs me and pulls me towards cover, his hands are free and his gag is off. He says if that’s really the World Eater, Unrelenting Force will do nothing to him. I think Ralof is the one who is supposed to come back for me, not Ulfric, and I ask where Ralof is. Ralof is on my other side, he says he’s right there and all three of us go into the tower.

Now things follow the normal path from Skyrim, notable differences being Ulfric says he has to make sure the other Stormcloaks get out safely, but Ralof will make sure I get out ok. And he wants to talk to me more, but that will have to wait. If we don’t see each other again here he will be in Windhelm. Ralof comes out the hole in the wall with me, at no time did I follow Hadvar or even see him. On the way through the tunnels under Helgen and out the back way I am completely fus-happy, these are people I’ve never gotten to fus before. The Imperial Captain who orders the player be executed even though their name isn’t on the list got fus’d repeatedly until dead. I follow Ralof to Riverwood and into his sister’s house where I collapse on a bed. That start was new, now to take off my VR headset… I’m not wearing one? Does that mean I’m dreaming? I never even get to RC before I wake.