• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. Dreaming While Sick:Restless Sleep And Short Dreams

      by , Today at 04:08 AM
      For the past week, I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection/flu like sickness. I didnít bother to go to the doctor or hospital because my mom has the same thing and both doctor and hospital told her she did not need antibiotics or other meds just fluids and rest. Iíd rather not waste my time and get even more sick from sitting in waiting rooms for nothing.

      Anyway. I have been sleeping on and off throughout the day and night. My sleep has been interrupted by nausea/wet coughs/tight chest/fever and chills/etc...This has led to MANY forgotten dreams and a lot of random images and short dreams that are unrelated and make no sense. There are only two dreams that seem remarkable to me.

      DREAM 1
      I am entering into a building with a childhood friend that I no longer have contact with in real life. The building is tall and is round like an old castle tower. There are two sets of steps opposite each other in the building; one going up and one leading down. Iím not sure how many floors, but it seems an infinite amount. My friend and I seem to be exploring this building. I look out one of the windows in the stairwell and realize that we are in what is now an abdandoned building on an old college campus that is no longer in use in real life, and I assume that is where we are in the dream. (Except in real life, the round building only had three floors and was used as a library, in the dream the set up inside has changed a lot and has infinite floors.)
      At some point, my friend and I realize that we are being followed, and we start trying to run away and keep running down stairs but on the way down, it seems like there are more floors than we went up and there are more sets of stairs and we get lost because we arenít sure which to take now. The people chasing us eventually catch up and are right behind us. I look back and see it is a mix of men and women, about 7 of them and they are all wearing white scrubs. I decide it would be better for my friend and I to split up so maybe one of us can get away and find help. Of course, I decide to be the hero knowing it is only a dream and distract them by allowing the pursuers in white to corner me and she gets free and I watch her climb up a stairway as I am backing up against a wall slowly with the pursuers 3 feet in front of me encircling me. I donít see her again for the rest of the dream.
      One of them, a man, pulls out a syringe and tells me that it is for my own good. I know that it will put me to sleep, allowing them to do what they please with me. I start thinking of a way to change the situation and while I think a woman comes up and wipes a clear jelly like substance on my forehead. I push her away, and the man puts the syringe back in his pocket and says, ďGood work, it wonít be long nowĒ to the woman. She smiles at him,and they all stand around watching me. I start to feel drugged and like I am going to pass out. I realize that whatever she wiped on me was the medication that would knock me out and that the man with syringe was just a distraction. I wipe the rest off with my sleeve and decide I am not going to pass out with my lucidity and overcome to drugging. I turn around to face the wall and decide that the wall is not going to be there so I can run away. The wall is gone and I run and they continue to chase me around the building.
      I find a hiding spot under a stairwell and one woman pursuer is on her own. I grab onto her and pull her into my hiding spot and wipe the remaining substance from my sleeve onto her forehead and keep her mouth covered. After a minute she stops fighting, and we watch two men walk past outside of my hiding cubby and hear them talking. One says, ďthis one is smart. A good placement will be as a facility researcher or in the university. We need to find her.Ē I then have a strong knowing that the dream world I am I in secretly controls everyoneís lives and decides where they work and how they live. I decide I will NOT be caught.
      I wake the woman by smacking her in the face and when she wakes I tell her she will get me out or I will kill her. She agrees, but as sheís leading me down through the stairs and floors, I just know she has decided to take my side. We are about to go down the last stairway to get the the exit floor when another woman calls to us and tells us to stop. The woman who is helping me pulls out a gun and shoots the other woman. Then I wake up.

      DREAM 2
      This dream was short and not very interesting. I was with three other women my age but I donít know them from real life. In the dream we were best friends. We were in a large bedroom with a dresser filled with expensive clothes and costumes and a large closet filled with clothes, shoes, costumes, etc. We were all picking out outfits and accessories to wear to some kind of costume party. I woke up while we were laying out our outfits to show each other. Wasnít a very exciting or interesting dream, but one where I vividly remember and where I was lucid and in my own body and decided to just ďgo with the flowĒ to see what would happen.

      I just canít seem to get enough rest even though I am sleeping on and off throughout most of the day and night. I canít wait until this infection/flu is gone! Happy Dreaming!
    2. Log 1388 - Marvelous Movie Shoot and Other Assorted Stories

      by , Today at 12:03 AM (Dream Logs DWN-12)
      Created Friday 15 February 2019

      Got a big heap of stuff today.

      Spoiler for Don't want to hog so much page space:

      Updated Today at 04:24 AM by 89930

      lucid , non-lucid , dream fragment
    3. Tuesday, February 5

      by , Yesterday at 11:38 PM
      I am going to go to Beer NV with Brittney and a group of her friends and I think also to celebrate Makaylaís birthday. Iím in the process of walking to the car with Makayla outside of Dadís house when I realize I havenít gotten anything. Now I am at Beer NV (Makaylaís not here). It is smaller and almost seems more like a converted house. The tap list is on a smaller screen, and each has a thumbnail picture to go with it (*not pictures of the brewerís logo or the beerís logo like in reality). I notice Brittney and Chris, though there may be others. I end up with two beers, I think the second coming after my first is close to empty. The first is a beer dark golden in color but milk stout in taste. Itís smooth and tasty. The next beer is a juicy/hazy IPA, and it is in a small milk carton. Thereís a glass with a sip of orange juice left in it; I get the idea that combining them might result in something tasty. Now we are going to go somewhere for a bit, so I get the idea to put this carton in the fridge before we leave (not sure if I actually do). When we return, I walk up to the couple-seat counter, from behind which the owner greets me. I ask for the beer with the picture of the band, saying I canít see which it is from here. He grins and says the band name (something both Irish and punk sounding, starting with an L). Heís saying that itís pretty strong, as if I wouldnít like it. I tell him Iím fine with that, and itís almost like he doesnít believe me, but he still pours it. It is in a simple and smaller glass stein. I finish it fairly quickly (it tastes like the Brewerís Cabinet scotch ale) and go back for another. Now everyone is trying to leave to go out someplace else. I think theyíre going to be drinking there too. I close the tab and see the total on the receipt as $96 (or $98). I think it should not be that high, going over whatís on it. Iím not sure how much to tip either. I think I now leave with both copies of thee receipt. I think Iíll need to bring it back and also leave my phone number on it for rewards
      Tags: beer, celebration
    4. Sunday, February 3

      by , Yesterday at 11:28 PM
      I am in a house (unfamiliar, I think). Paranormal things keep happening, such as some invisible force moving things and/or touching me. It feels very real, though Iím not sure if anyone else is seeing it.

      I am going to an event for/at the preschool. Some others filter in along with me, some familiar. I recognize kids and parents. Inside, there are quite a few people here. It looks like an elementary school. Thereís the cafeteria weíre in, the doorway we came in and one directly opposite it, and one hallway off to the left. All in all, itís pretty small. I see Mom here, talking to a few, and she is in what looks like a stroller. (I think this is due to a disability, but I very much take it for granted in the dream). She spots me also, but is waiting to come over to me. I am overhearing talk of the disarray that Catholic Charities is still in. Tim Mills is here too; we pat a hand on each otherís shoulders in greeting. Surveying the tables, I see everyone already has food, mostly cheeseburgers. This makes me realize that Iím pretty hungry. I wish I wouldíve ordered one, thinking that it is probably too late to do so now, that theyíre done making them for the evening. Now I am sitting by Nelson and his dad. His dad is combing Nelsonís hair, which looks slightly longer and thinner and almost a translucent, fluorescent white-blond. Heí combing it into almost a Trump-do. Nelson sits placidly. Dan is talking to me about haircuts, but Iím finding it difficult to hear. My responses at times are nonsensical because I canít hear and donít want to ask for a repetition. They start leaving, and I follow suit. We leave through what very much looks like a houseís garage (the two getting into a black truck/SUV parked within). Melissaís car is a few feet to the right, perpendicularly in the street. Sheís sitting inside, on her phone. I go up to open window and am going to say something, in a humorous tone, about her moving, but before I can she says she already knows sheís in the street. Dan apparently didnít think she was in the way, as heís already backing out, pretty quickly. I ask Melissa if she wants to hang out now or not. She says she doesnít care and that itís up to me, to which I say the same exact thing. We end up going home (to Momís?).
    5. Saturday, February 2

      by , Yesterday at 11:27 PM
      I am outside and climbing up a fairly small rock face that seems to be above a washed out gully (with a small trickle of water, I think). It is definitely tall enough to where I should have a rope, though Iím pretty certain I donít. Itís probably 20-30 feet tall. I donít think I have climbing shoes on either. The stone is a sort of glossy, but not entirely slick, bronze. It contains more features than inset holds; theyíre pretty large and secure feeling. Towards the top, though, I think I come across loose sections. I try to break off a large undercling. When I summit, Iím relieved to have made it without falling or having a hold break on me. Now, I am in a bathroom and looking in a mirror. I mustíve been wearing a tank top, as my neck, collar bones, shoulders, and arms are burnt to a bright red. The fact that Iím sunburned really irritates me.

      I am inside some building, a department store?, with Melissa. Sam is here, but besides her I donít see any other people. Sam is at the bottom of an escalator (the up escalator, I think), but I donít think itís moving at all. She is crouched down; there is an infant one to two steps above her. It is in need of a diaper change, which is what Sam is attending to. The child (a boy) is supine, the diaper open, some of the excessive amount of excrement in a clump a few steps below Sam. I donít even see wipes or a new diaper. Sam appears flustered.
    6. Friday, February 1

      by , Yesterday at 11:24 PM
      I am at a house. It seems like I may be staying here for a little while, as in a few nights. Andrea from high school is here too. Iím about to take a shower, and I find out, as she comes over at the same time, that she was about to too. I think there is some discussion, after which I end up taking a quick shower first. I am getting ready to go see a therapist? Mom and Makayla are coming with me, or at least are in the car. I think Iím driving. The landscape is sort of empty and drab. (*The following is not the best recollection, and almost seems like it was from another dream but like it fits with this one too). While talking with the woman therapist, I become angered with the inefficiency of the whole thing and end up beating her. (*This feels very gross to write; in the dream there didnít seem to be too much emotion behind it, just simple physical contact).
    7. Dirty Dishes

      by , Yesterday at 10:02 PM (Re-entry: The Atmosphere)
      With many things happening in my life currently, my attention has strayed from lucid dreaming.
      It comes and goes in cycles, and I accept that. For the sake of diligence, here is my entry for today.

      It felt like one of the very first dreams of the night. I dreamed one of my roommates, who is usually not so straight forward and blunt, came into my room saying I was keeping too many dishes up here that it needed to stop. Embarrassingly, when I woke up this morning I took what I had down to the kitchen sink.

      Whatever, subconscious!
    8. First Entry/Reoccuring Childhood Nightmare : Beginning Of Lucidity

      by , 02-14-2019 at 04:10 PM
      It has recently come to my attention that I am a ďLucid DreamerĒ. First my mom told me the way I dream is uncommon and is lucid dreaming, then when I talked to my therapist she told me that I have lucid dreams. Because of this, I started searching for lucid dream forums to read about other peopleís lucid dreams, or dreams in general, and came across this site.

      Ever since I can remember, around age five, I have had lucid dreams. I am always aware I am dreaming when I dream and if Iím not itís because everything is dark, peaceful, quiet; dreamless. It started with a vivid nightmare I would have 2-3 times a week for a few months when I was about five years old.

      In this nightmare/dream, the same sequence of events would happen every time. My mom and I would come out of the grocery store and we would be walking in the parking lot towards our brand new white truck (which we did not own in real life, but was always the same in this dream). When we were two cars away from our truck passing behind a red escort, a man would run up from the left side and grab my mom from behind and slit her throat. He would let go of her and run and she would fall to the ground holding her throat as she bled everywhere and gasped for air. I would then wake up crying. I felt so sad, and scared and helpless when I woke up and I was afraid to tell my Mom about the dream because I believed it would come true if I said it out loud. As I said, for a few months I would have this same exact dream and I eventually realized I was in a dream while I was dreaming. I would recognize the parking lot and knew what would happen as the red escort came up. Awareness of this dream and the sequence of events lasted for about another month. Finally, one night while having this dream, I had the visual cues and was aware of the dream and knew what would happen. Somehow, I had control over my thoughts, body, words, actions, etc, and my emotions about the dream and knowing I would wake up feeling awful if the events continued as they always had. Before we reached the red escort, I stopped walking and told my Mom that we had to stop and turn around and run back towards the store. She asked why and I told her a man was going to kill her, and on cue, the man came out of the row of cars to the left ahead of us and turned to walk at us head on this time. I grabbed my moms hand and pulled her and we ran back towards the store. I started to hear the man running behind us as well and I screamed for help and that he was going to kill my mom. A random man was at the front of the store outside and as we ran up he ran past us a few feet and tackled the man chasing us to the ground and began wrestling the knife out of his hand. I then woke up from the dream as they wrestled and felt a sense of strength and pride, but at that age and for many to come I had no idea that this type of dreaming was any different than dream experiences of other people or that it was called ďLucid DreamingĒ.

      From that night on when I would have the nightmare, I was always aware and always told my mom we had to get help and the man was always stopped and has never cut her throat again. After a while, this dream became less frequent-once a month, then once a year until I was about 15 when it stopped. I wound up having the dream a few months ago and I was aware of it and remembered instantly that this was my recurrent childhood nightmare and knew to warn my mother.

      The next time I spoke with my mother, I finally told her about how I had the dream recently and my childhood experiences and fears of it and the progression of the dream. As I told her about the progression, she was very interested and told me that people arenít usually aware that they were dreaming and couldnít control their thoughts, words, actions, etc. in the dream. I truly thought everybody was capable of doing these things. At my next therapy appointment, I asked my therapist for more information and she told me it was called Lucid Dreaming and since then I have been researching and looking to read dream experiences of other people, non lucid and lucid.

      In addition to controlling my own thoughts, actions, speech, etc, I also have the ability to think about how I want events in my dream to change, or what I want to happen or what I want others to do or to stop doing and within seconds of my thoughts, those things will come to pass in my dreams. If an event has come to pass in my dream and I didnít like what happened, I can ďturn back timeĒ in the dream and repeat the event, but with the different ending I wanted to happen. I can make events repeat as many times as I want with as many different endings to the event. The whole time I am completely aware of these dreams and that I am asleep and that it is not real. However, there is a downside to this. The more I control my myself, events, and others actions in dreams, the more tired I feel when I wake up the next morning. Because of the downside, I try to just ďgo with the flowĒ of my dreams, unless they are a nightmare or I feel like the dream is headed in a bad direction, then I will willfully change actions and events.

      I still have a hard time believe it that not everybody dreams this way. I donít feel like I am different or special in any way than other people. I am going to continue reading experiences of other people and researching this phenomenon to better understand it. I will also post dreams that seem significant to me.

      Before I go, I also wanted to mention something I am looking into and will post more about later. In addition to reoccurring dreams, there are reoccurring places and people that donít exist ďin real lifeĒ, but in my dreams they seem like a different world and life of their own. I also have dreams of events that seem to happen in ďchronological orderĒ. For example, in one dream I dreamt I was planning on getting a new car. Two weeks later I would have a dream in the same house I was living at in the previous dream, except the new car would be in the driveway. Then, a month later, events from the second dream would continue into the third in the same ďworldĒ as the previous. ALL of my dreams arenít sequential/chronologically linked to one another though. Itís very strange, they seem like ďother livesĒ I am living and can control but at the same time I am aware that I am in a dream state. I will post more about specific dreams in the future.

      If you took the time to read this long entry I want you to know I am greatful for your interest and time.
    9. Overflowing Shelves // Wrong Orientation

      by , 02-13-2019 at 11:17 PM (Re-entry: The Atmosphere)
      I dreamed of being in a Walmart. I walked quickly to an overstocked section. The shelves were packed beyond overflowing with work clothes and gloves. There was barely any room to walk in this incredibly cramped aisle. So much so that everyone had to be single file and carts would barely make it through. Here I took my time, as were others in front of and behind me. I grabbed a pair of gloves off the shelf, noticing a familiar face in my peripheral vision. I glanced at the couple behind me and saw Ronnie, a guy I used to work with at a pizza shop when I lived in another town. As an act of friendliness, I said hello. His response was nothing but gibberish, but I knew he was saying hello back.

      I rushed out the door and tried to find my way to an outdoor class at a vocational school.

      Late, I found a seat. I sat on a metal folding chair in the grass, dozens others around me doing the same. A professor walks onto a platform with a pull down projector screen flamboyantly announces "Welcome to radio broadcasting class!!!" Half hearted cheers echo amongst the people sitting around me. I was definitely in the wrong place. The professor continued with his orientation presentation, but something caught my attention. A man driving a very large fork lift truck down the curving road about a hundred feet away. He probably came where I wanted to be, I thought. I immediately got up and started towards that road. I was going to go where he came from and hope I was going to get to the correct class orientation.
    10. A Plastic Model Limousine

      by , 02-13-2019 at 05:38 AM
      Morning of February 12, 2019. Tuesday.

      Dream #: 19,048-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.

      I become aware of being in the Cubitis living room (last seen in 1978). There is the erroneous factor of Marilyn (a deceased half-sister on my motherís side) living here. She appears as she was in the 1960s. On the west side of the living room is a tall chest of drawers. I am unaware of my parents.

      I am recording something from television by way of a wired connection and monitoring the sound with headphones. Somehow, a plastic 1:24 scale model kit of a Limousine is connected as well, though there is difficulty in making sure the audio is loud enough. My orientation is unusual and illogical as I seem to be working on the top of the chest of drawers, but it does not make any physical sense. There is also a blanket atop it.

      Eventually, I notice that the model is incomplete. There are several small parts, which may be optional. There is a part of a V8 engine and other pieces. One piece resembles a small tooth but falls behind the chest of drawers.

      Before waking, I lift the hood, and instead of an engine, there is a little double bed.

      Beds often appear (sometimes in unusual locations) in the last part of a dream as a subliminal, liminal, or concurrent awareness of being in REM sleep. A car, or any vehicle, usually represents the illusory perception of my dream selfís fictitious body, though in some cases as here, it also correlates with the association of being in bed.

    11. Vague Bad Memories

      by , 02-13-2019 at 05:10 AM (Re-entry: The Atmosphere)
      Last night's dreams are fractured and faded to me now.

      I remember missing the bus AGAIN. This has to be something my subconscious is trying to get across to me, but I can't pinpoint it for the life of me. I was in a rather nice house, and I was female. Not the first time dreaming of being female, but it doesn't happen often.I was changing my shirt, putting on a sky blue t shirt instead of the red/orange one I was wearing. And just like the several times before, I didn't feel missing the bus to be too incredibly urgent. I should investigate further.


      I dreamed of being with one of my friends, L. It seemed like we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. A dangerous asian gang arrived and came into the building where we just happened to be. They took everyone hostage. I remember seeing a could of child slaves, no older than 2. One took off running down the street. I silently wished her luck as she rounded the corner. L and I caught glances. Non-verbally, we said "Well, this is happening... how inconvenient."

      There was more that happened before and maybe after that point but I can't remember. I remember waking up feeling particularly distressed, so I know whatever happened wasn't pleasant.
    12. 20190212: Ld #125, 9 d

      , 02-12-2019 at 04:29 PM (ZAD's DJ)
      A1: Neighborhood - lost some details on this one
      2: Hotel - night - cost $850, feels like a lodge, mattress and sheets are broken into three parts, very comfortable, owner of hotel walks in when I'm in a strange position, she says she didn't want us to be stuck in there and hands us a key
      #125: Childhood home - night - start in kitchen, look out sliding door and see shadow running across backyard, walk down hallway to parent's bedroom, feel strong intuition and instantly become lucid!
      3: FA - night - writing down these dreams in bed
      B4: Classroom area - day - classmates (hs, college, various other) are constantly asking me to help/remind them of something, after a while I get mad and say "do it yourself!", suddenly they all turn on me and the class is assigned some really complicated work with no explanation; transition to mall area - walk past a "kpop store" with nicely dressed korean girls in long coats, walk around near a couple of old asian ladies who are weaving/decorating huge rugs with gold leaf and nice thread, I try to step around them but accidentally step on one and the old lady against the wall gets angry, I go talk to her and after I somehow explain myself, she says her name is "Garou Jin" and that she will pardon me for it, and I can take a letter to my teacher, however each time I try to repeat her name to her she corrects me. [Interesting setting]
      5: Inside apartment - morning - waiting for F to go to work, mix myself a drink (it looks odd, much like the one I made yesterday), watching TV and listening to headphones; in this version of our apartment, it was as if light was flowing through from the gap where our stairs are, and it created a very pleasing effect. The rest of the room was painted in soft blue-green pastels; a comfortable dream environment.
      6: Deja vu location - day - McDonald's location from a past dream when I was first starting a new job over a year ago; it's always cool to visit a generated dream location (not from real life) twice.
      C7: Campus sidewalk - day - walking with two girls (I'm part of campus security?), suddenly transition to outside my apartment by the office - there's an older woman with a very young owl sitting on an ice chest. There is also a large convoluted chicken head and it opens its mouth wide as if it's going to feed the small owl. The owl sticks its head in but the chicken head quickly swallows it whole. The two girls are distraught and the tries and fails to pull the owl out, so instead she sets up a small grill with shish kebab. She eventually convinces me that since we can't save the owl, all we can do is kill it quickly and enjoy the food.
      8: Inside apartment - I've taken apart my dog's leash and am trying to put it back together, but suddenly it's transformed into a vacuum cleaner and my dog falls backwards into the tank of the vacuum.
      9: Childhood home - laundry room with dad, talking about where detergents(?) are located in various cabinets, suddenly his face has a pixelated mask on the front surface of it, some kind of luchadore. In the other room there is a movie on with Tom Cruise and some woman, they're dancing (it's a drama).

      Sleep Pattern
      A: 10:00pm to 2:50am
      B: 3:30am to 5:30am
      C: 5:40am to 8:05am

      Time Notes
      Last food: 8pm
      Alcohol: 5pm
    13. Thursday, January 31

      by , 02-12-2019 at 06:18 AM
      I am with Melissa in some clothes store. I carry three pairs of Levis as we casually go into a fitting room stall and close the door. Itís just big enough for the two of us. Without me trying to do so, the ink tag on one of the pairs separates and comes off. I try them on and they fit very well (though theyíre a little long). Theyíre sort of a faded Tahoe blue in color. Since they fit and the security tag fell off, Iím going to wear them out under my other pants. I tuck the cuffs into my socks for extra invisibility, and with my shirt back on they are entirely concealed. I briefly consider where to leave the ink tag, though it doesnít matter a whole lot. I think about bringing the other two pairs back out, but then know it would be suspicious without the other pair I came in with, so I leave them in here. We casually walk out (into the mall?) and towards what would be the food court. We get in line for something (Brooke may be with us) Thereís a guy about our age or younger in front of us. One of his friends appears and starts snaking his way in front of us. He has something with him that says (or he is labeled?) ĎLaddersí. The first guy is ĎChutesí, so I guess it makes sense for them to be together and donít fuss about him cutting. Melissa is holding a drink, a thin and tall glass clutched at chest level. This second guy starts grabbing at it, which is when I start to have a problem. He tries to make casual conversation. I clasp my hand on his shoulder, and, in a sort of fake amiability, pull him aside with more of a shove. I ask/tell him something. The first guy has his phone out and, sensing this new tension, bluntly says something to Melissa about her unfollowing/blocking him. Without missing a beat, she coolly responds with something to the effect of Ďnot a chanceí or Ďnot in a million years.í i get the sense that maybe weíve met them before and she was receptive on social media to be polite and/or because they didnít seem too bad. We now pay for the mini golf? at the counter and go wait at some tables outside. Oddly enough, we are still going to be mini golfing with them.

      I am at work when I discover that there is more to recover than there should be. Clothes are misplaced and strewn in random places. I notice a section in particular that no one attempted to fix while I was gone. This really irritates me, but I start working on it anyway. On top of a shelf there are pins and nails and the paper filling from inside the shoes. I see Rocio over here, so I go talk to her. She speaks a lot in Spanish, repeating some things. I understand some of it, trying to reply in Spanish too. I think she asks if I am going to teach. I tell her maybe, really considering it. The large, yellow cup from Dadís is here and full of water. I take a large swig.

      I am at a very small concert festival with Melissa. I see a lineup poster by a stage - Venom is playing at the same time as another band (theyíre both headlining though?). Melissa asks me to pick which one we should watch. I pick Venom because they sound familiar. They come on and start, and Melissa rushes to the stage. I imagine moshing.
    14. Monday, January 28

      by , 02-12-2019 at 05:44 AM
      I am in some room, open and airy, yet almost a room that feels like it should be smaller (I canít tell if itís more of a gym or a bedroom, or some combination of both). There are only two others here: Allison and Harper. I am sitting on the floor, my legs straight out in front of me. Thereís a small gap between them, in which Harper sits. Sheís nestled between my calves, facing me, holding onto my hands. I tilt her to the side, as if Iím going to let her fall, before moving her back to an upright position. I watch as each tilting brings a smile to her face. Meanwhile, Allison is out on the floor and throwing me the needle-sided portions of the security ink tags. She throws them at me, and I attempt to punch them back at her. Some of the needles are making contact and tearing up my knuckles. My preoccupation with the baby/toddler coupled with the inefficiency of punching these things results in me feeling like I am not making for a very fun time for Allison. I think she may sense this too.
      Tags: baby, game
    15. Saturday, January 26

      by , 02-12-2019 at 04:46 AM
      I am at work, in the clearance section. Two or three guys are browsing together over here; one of them approaches me, holding a pure white men's jumpsuit, saying heís looking for a different size. I quickly scan all of the hanging white items as well as the single rack thatís on the wall by the jeans. I come back over to tell him that I didnít find any, when we see a folded, white dress shirt on the cream white and fairly empty shelf in front of us at shoulder height. I casually offer it as a possible substitute. He unfolds it to find out that itís actually a tuxedo vest. He says something like Ďoh nice, a vest,í like it would actually work for him. As he is unfamiliar and possessing of a sort of expressionless face, I canít tell if heís being serious or if heís fucking with me. I now unfold another, and this one is actually a dress shirt. Itís close to a jumpsuit in only the material - itís heavier, like a broadcloth, also a cream white. This guy is actually happy with it and is going to get it. After they have left, I end up putting some items in the clearance next to the kids shoes. The shoes are on a torso-high display and looking pretty disheveled. There are way more things in this section than in real life. I start walking somewhere else, and the whole place is different and much larger than in real life. It seems more open; thereís a sort of skywalk to another part of the mall (or casino? - it feels a little like a casino). Over by it, I briefly help a Hispanic man look for something before I go to do something else. I end up over by the suits fitting room. Thereís a computer desk at the wall opposing the opening at which sits Evelyn. I have the impression that someoneís been trying to call me on this radio, but Iím not entirely sure. I ask Evelyn if they have, and she says yes. Someone (the lady at work with sort of darker skin and frizzy hair who I think is a supervisor and whose name Iím not sure of) starts walking over to me, saying that I didnít really help my customer if I didnít completely follow through (referencing the Hispanic man). She directs our attention to the man who is standing on the skywalk, arms crossed, but not in an unpleasant way. Heís wearing a plum colored long sleeve with a vest over it, blue jeans, and cowboy boots. He seems dependent on the help, not in a co-dependent way, but more like he is turning the trust over to the employee. I tell this supervisor sorry, I was helping someone else and so my radio was down, slowly adjusting the volume up as I speak. I do feel poorly for leaving him and for not hearing the radio. I tell her I know I was helping him, but I forget what for, and ask if she knows. I genuinely am trying to remember. Thereís another employee too, and they look slightly incredulous. I canít tell if they find it funny or think Iím stupid or both. At one point, someone was ridiculing me for something, and it irritated me enough that I considered bringing it up to someone higher up. Anyway, I attempt to make it right and start walking over to the man. There is a rush of people moving in both directions, causing me to lose sight of him. I reach the top of the incline on this skywalk so I can survey it all the way to the bottom, but he is nowhere to be found. I double back and still, nothing. Iím by an elevator now; it is closing, so I get the notion to jump into it while I can. Literally jumping forward into it, the doors brush me on each side before closing on my JCP key lanyard trailing behind me. I pull it out and turn around to be greeted by two Hispanic men. They both seem genial and good-natured, and they both seem to think my jumping into this elevator was somewhat funny if not unexpected. One of them is shorter and more portly; I think he has a mustache. I dryly say either ďthat was closeĒ or ďjust barely made it.Ē They begin talking to me, slipping into Spanish. It is too fluent for me to understand most of it. I think on a different floor now, I see the door closing. It is closing on a chubby white family with a daughter. I donít know why we havenít let them on, so I am awkwardly diverting my glance. Doors closed now, we need to choose a floor. They tell me Ďtresí and I go to press 3 but mistakenly press something else. I canít entirely read the numbers on the round, silver buttons. For whatever reason, I end up just pressing all of them, the off white light illuminating behind each in succession downwards. I think the elevator is going to the highest floor first. It ascends, and part of the wall must be glass, because I can see what looks like the Atlantis casino outside the elevator. [As in looking into the Atlantis (from within) from the elevator, not as in looking out at the Atlantis]. I think the men now exit and I continue up one more floor. The doors open, revealing a floor that appears to be one huge hot tub. Thereís a low ceiling and dim but colored (blue?) lighting that plays on what is either bubbles or an excess of foam. Thereís an unassuming swim up bar, and I think a pool up above it. A young boy climbs up and over the bar counter to get to it. I donít think Iím in the water, but I am conscious of its proximity to my clothes and my radio. I start to think about staying here and using the hot tub, imagining sneaking onto the hotel room floor to find a towel from a room being serviced or the service cart itself. I wonder if anyone at work would notice my prolonged absence, but figure itís a large place so maybe not.
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