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    1. Freaky subway nightmare | [11.05.2021]

      by , Today at 02:58 AM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Freaky subway nightmare
      I remember that the situation is like playing a video game again, although this time I feel like I am forced to play, despite my fear of seeing some gruesome image within it. Then I am in the game, physically, and it's regarded as real. There's something about being underground. There's something I don't remember, then I am in a sort of train with people, and I sort of have to save us by getting weird rubbery things on circular parts on a metal box that seems to be central to the function of the train. I notice nobody else is doing anything and that if we don't manage to do this, we will crash with full force into a sort of other chambers, which we are sort of falling into from the top, and to brake we have to get the rubber things on there. I also appear to be some female character relevant to the story, and she might have a name starting with A. I see that nobody else is trying to save us, so I animate them to help. But then, I struggle to do it, so we soon crash. But then suddenly, there's like a second try, so this time, the same things happen, except that this time, I manage to get most of the rubber things on. I think we will die again, but this time, the train brakes and stops in the chamber with no one hurt.



      This might not seem freaky, but there's some sort of deep fear associated with this gruesome image. There were some past dreams that were so horrible that I've supressed them, with a much stronger version of this fear associated with it that are still horrible to think about today. Not sure where this fear comes from, but I probably don't want to know, to be honest.
    2. Shit week

      by , Yesterday at 05:52 AM (MoSh's DJ: The Best Dream Journal in The Universe.)
      I only remember one dream. It was about Jamie. She was walking beside me but also at a distance. She seemed unhappy about something and had shorter than usual hair..
      Tags: jamie
      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    3. cclxv.

      by , 05-09-2021 at 09:33 PM
      8th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Mom, new medications, a swap or trade for her? (not sure what I meant by this and recall is too gone)

      Fragment:

      Watching HW play an undead rogue wearing a T2 helm, he's sort of streaming PvP activity where he's killing other horde players but also alliance, not focusing on any particular group more than another. He is in a full party with some friends who are helping him with the PvP?

      (gap)

      HW is visiting me, at a mix of my current and old home. I'm with him in the kitchen, downstairs. There's a moment of intense laughter when I or he make a joke, sort of together, but I forget what it was about. We're about to head upstairs and I go into the pantry (what pantry, which home?) and grab the only two beers there, as well as an orange juice drink in a similar but clear glass bottle. I ask HW what he wants but he doesn't seem to hear me. I ask him again once we are upstairs, also asking H if he wants one of these things too. I have some feeling of concern about who will pick what?

      9th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Planet-landing, some colony and I'm? using a tank to take over the colony. Something about it being a job in planning by others for three years. I prove them wrong by myself by assaulting a base and then I eventually get some reinforcements to assist me. Then in a cave, the dream changes and becomes about wrestling or some form of free fighting. I remember breaking things up, made of wood.

      Dream:

      I'm in a place like L with H, walking across a busy street. It's sunny and looks pretty much as I might expected, considerably busy too. I see MB walking ahead in front of us at one point as we walk to wherever we're going but H doesn't notice or care. I feel annoyed and think to myself "yeah, you walk away you bastard" as I watch him go up another street on an incline, beside some kind of train or transit station.

      We eventually go up the same street too and H says he's going to call someone (one of our parents) but he notices the phone number is totally wrong for the contact, deciding to ring anyway and finding out who it might be. The other person answers and is equally curious and confused but they are nearby so we backtrack a little to a bit with a cafe. We approach and H talks to this person he had been on the phone with. I don't realise it in the dream but any awareness of them drops off as I focus on my aunt B who is sat at the next table over, facing an unknown dream character who is her friend.

      For some reason, as we get talking, this unknown character is showing me the inside of her mouth, which impossibly looks bigger on the inside than on the outside. Under her tongue, there is a pepperoni pizza pattern thing going on, but it's some kind of fungal structure that is an uncontrolled infection. I remember being told about this but in no detail.



      Notes:

      - The last dream with MB was about four months ago.

      - The dream recall for all of these is poor because while I did make initial notes, they were extremely brief and I had planned on getting around to typing them up sooner, whilst recall was still fresh, but the days didn't allow for it.

      - For some time now I have been feeling like there's something wrong internally, on a physical level. I worry on some level that part of recent dream symbolisms are related to this but I have no real basis for this other than some recent aches that haven't subsided. Recently I have been getting random intrusive thoughts about cancer, possibly since that's essentially what AH passed away from.

      - I had some more notes I wanted to put down but I'm currently distracted and have a headache, so I'm being unable to focus.
    4. cclxiv. Da Vinci's x-ray crystal, Helping mom by cleaning some dusty ruins

      by , 05-05-2021 at 09:22 PM
      5th May 2021 ~9:20

      Fragment:

      A(D) messages me on Steam. Something about his birthday? Think he feels lonely but he doesn't mention it.

      Dream:

      Some dream where I'm walking with H along a pavement, along a road in a forested area with the occasional field. Reminds me of areas in my native country. It's daytime, afternoon?

      At some point, we are at some escalators in an entrance for a massive building complex, maybe like a mall. H is no longer H. Instead, it's some unknown dream character following me for some reason; he wants to know where Da Vinci's lock box (safety deposit?) is kept, I think. I tell him "It's probably in one of the 800 ones".

      I know where they are and lead him there. We go up a lot of escalators and a few wide stone staircases with shallow steps. Eventually we reach a more open (and outdoor hybrid) area where there are walls with rows and rows of locked panels, the locked boxes we are looking for. There are many people around. Da Vinci's box is one of these just around a corner. Then L arrives, he cautiously walks over to us over a gap or hole in the upper end of the main staircase leading up here.

      In the dream, I know that L happens to be one of Da Vinci's direct descendants. Later in the dream I question myself about this logic, shouldn't I be too, if we are siblings?

      Either way, he has a key for the locked panels and opens one, giving me something from inside. A crystal. It is elongated, about one foot long at a guess, it is a perfect rectangular cuboid with slightly worked edges/corners, it is a translucent purple at the "top" and a pure white translucent quartz at the other end.

      It is a unique object that requires no power and allows one to simply look through it to see others and things through walls with a weak kind of x-ray vision. Later H, mom's sister appears, and she tries to steal the crystal which I had placed in an envelope. I confront her about it and she or both of us get defensive?

      (there was more recall but I was too tired)

      ~11:55

      Dream:

      There were many other dream sequences but this dream was about helping mom. She was still a teacher in the dream and she was saying that her area was not doing as well as everywhere else in the country, in terms of grades and so on, and I try to reassure her by saying that "kids are and will be different" in different areas, so of course there would be a gap, I reason.

      I help somehow, by cleaning up some dusty old church entrance arch area? It has faded greens and reds that brighten up a little once I clean the dust with a microfibre cloth I'm using. I believe the arch is all made of wood, which is painted these colours. I don't see a door to speak of, but the structure is ruined. Its pieces seem to have never been disturbed since it became ruined.

      I ask mom about the church, she tells me that it's been this way since the last great earthquake. I think that it would have been undisturbed for a very long time, in that case? It's generally sunny in this area, some kind of square at high point of this old style settlement but I am under the shade of the ruins being under the arch.

      Later, I'm not at that place anymore and am discussing something else on the phone with mom, but I cannot recall what anymore.



      Notes:

      - I'm quite tired today but still want to try making some observations for these dreams.

      - Red and green are colours both with personal and non-personal meanings to me. On the personal side, they show the exclusion of blue, a colour that oddly enough has featured on its own in other dreams recently. But neither green nor blue are favourite colours of mine, although it depends on the specific tone too.
      -- On the non-personal side, the colours tie in with the locality and ruins in terms of identity, especially because of the mention of the earthquake. Though perhaps an irrational fear, I have all my life been concerned that another event of that scale may occur some day during my lifetime, which would likely affect mom and dad.

      - The thoughts that L would be Da Vinci's descendant really made no sense and the moment of questioning all of that was a kind of pre-lucid moment.

      - The crystal was not supposed to be magical, but technological in nature. It was a very interesting thing to use although I think some part of me had unvoiced radiation concerns in the dream.

      - On falling asleep again after the first set of dreams, I hoped I would return to something and tried setting an intention but I fell asleep faster than I could have realised and realised later I hadn't finished setting my intents and so on.

      - Both of these dreams and other recent dreams have been especially reminiscent of my native country in their stylistic/aesthetic essence. I should try to make time to explore meanings in regards to this a bit, as I feel it could be helpful with how I've been feeling recently; I have felt particularly nostalgic lately but not of life there specifically, just in general of childhood and some other times.

      - The fragment probably relates to the fact that a few people I know are having birthdays around this time of the year, but more specifically I used to know A's birthday date but it seems I don't anymore.
    5. cclxi. PCB work, Library, Blueberry tart

      by , 05-05-2021 at 02:08 AM
      28th April 2021

      Fragment:

      Spoiler for short explicit fragment:


      Fragment:

      Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

      Fragment:

      AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

      AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

      Fragment:

      Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?



      Notes:

      - I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

      - In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
      -- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

      - Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.
    6. cclx. To the three distant stars, Drawings on the bed, Hail

      by , 05-05-2021 at 01:56 AM
      27th April 2021

      Fragment:

      Something about flying through space. There's something like DSP to this dream. I am checking out a planet, but as I approach it, I realise with some surprise that it's one of the Deuteria systems I'd already built on (in the dream). I then set course for a greatly distant star system? In the galaxy map, I can see this system has three stars.

      I arrive there pretty quickly despite the distance. The dream is not fully like DSP and the three stars are in odd placements around the system, sort of hiding within tight clusters of planets. There's an interesting play of light and ambience as a result.

      Fragment:

      I'm in the context of old home but the dream location details are vague now. I remember being in something like my room(?) but the house layout feels different and on a bed or a table there's a number of my drawings. Some are explicit but I don't try to tidy it up. Something about being called through to another room, by dad?

      In the dream, there's an implied sense that my parents know about the type of things I draw sometimes. I feel some discomfort about it but in the dream it's more like the general discomfort or embarrassment from parents trying to be a part of things you don't necessarily want them to be a part of.

      Something about going to meet up with L?

      (I left recall too long and allowed myself to be distracted)

      Fragment:

      In the van/car and it's overcast; hail is falling.



      Notes:

      - Some days later, there was hail, but I don't remember looking at the forecasts.

      - L is the only person in the family who knows that I draw explicit artwork now and then.
      -- Part of that dream certainly relates to my feeling of isolation from being unable to discuss the subject very openly with most people.

      Updated 05-05-2021 at 02:09 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
    7. Another Harry Potter-related dream | [04.05.2021]

      by , 05-05-2021 at 01:40 AM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Another Harry Potter-related dream
      There's something related to dumbledore. He might have warned me of something. The dream is set in a sort of town-ish location. It's rather rural, with only a few small densely populated areas and lots of hills so big that they're borderline mountains. I recall this having been the location from another dream from a long time ago. I seem to go from hill to hill for no particular reason. There is something rather concerning and sinister going on in the background, and it invokes a feeling of dread within me. Somebody else warns me again, and I think it has to do with the fact that I am quite visible on top of those hills. At some point, there might be something that really does suggest I should have heeded that warning, but I don't remember. Sometimes the dream also seemed to be a video game, but that wasn't consistent.



      I guess constantly watching Harry Potter nearly every day has infested my dreams. But I guess I should try to use that as a dream sign, since it's been in nearly every dream for the whole week now.
    8. Unclear fragment | [28.04.2021]

      by , 04-28-2021 at 03:54 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Unclear fragment
      There is something about a certain everyday object.



      Notes:

      Started with a semi-ADA technique again that got me all except two of my lucids in the past, along with the nose plug RC. I should probably also use a mantra. I guess getting lucid isn't really a problem, but I've never managed to get myself lucid enough and the dream stable enough, so I guess I have to improve that. Recall is also being a problem.
    9. cclviii. Train transit hub, Missing pasta

      by , 04-27-2021 at 10:57 AM
      24th April 2021

      Fragment:

      In a train station hub or maybe it's a subway. It's a vast place, made mostly out of concrete as far as I can remember. Either way, it's busy. I remember daylight shining through in places and I am walking in a tunnel of sorts with someone, maybe JoCo.

      Fragment:

      I'm in the kitchen, looking in the cupboard with the tinned and packaged food, I think? I notice some tortellini packs are missing most of the tortellini and they look vacuum packed. Some have like three or four bits of pasta at most and that's it. I feel annoyed that I somehow missed this detail at the shop and feel it'll be annoying to have to return these. I think to myself something like "they clearly aren't fit for having a full meal like this".

      Note:

      - Later the same day I think, I was talking to H about the second fragment and it was pointed out to me that the tortellini is always vacuum packed. I had not consciously realised this until that point.
    10. Strange star | [25.04.2021]

      by , 04-25-2021 at 04:44 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Strange star
      I am viewing stars in a sort of program, but it's somehow also real, as if I am flying through space myself. There is a sort of feeling that is somewhat scary, and also a bit exciting. I come past stars that look like normal stars, glowing in their usual red, blue and yellow. But then I come across a massive structure. It reminds me of the death star, but as I look closely, the structure is much different. It seems artistic, with abstract geometry.



      There was something that happened before that, but I don't quite remember.
    11. 28 March - Dreams, Daydreams and FAs

      by , 04-23-2021 at 10:51 PM
      Finally, some time to catch up with the DJ here.
      No lucidity this time but I am including this because the dream - daydream confusion is somewhat important to me.

      dream comment

      O and a lake
      A dream about my friend O and a frozen lake. Trying to cross the like and worrying about the thickness of the ice.

      A&P
      My friends, A and P, have a bunch of rings, some are their wedding bands, some are other rings, we talk about them. There is a stone, blue and gold, with a labradorite-like effect, very heavy. I like that.
      In this dream, I think it is a daydream and not a dream. Later, I realize this was a dream.

      Grandmother
      I am with my grandmother, in her garden. There are some weeds. I am thinking about possible spaces for planting roses.
      I think this is a daydream and not a dream.
      Then we go inside and I log my previous dreams (O and a lake, A&P) in my DJ.
      For some reason, I don't wear any top. Some girl wants to see what I am writing but I tell her it was personal. But I show it to her anyway.


      Gravel road
      I am lying on a gravel road, trying to sleep. I decide there is no point in trying to sleep. I decide to log my dreams.
      Then I go down the road.

      And again, I think this is a daydream!
      There is a blanket and my husband and I sit next to him and think about my dreams. I remember I forgot my DJ up on the road but forgot it after a moment.
      Right next to us, there is a house and a door and I get inside with some female DC. It is a house of someone rich and important but they don't live there anymore and artificial intelligence is caring for the house. The girl DC let them to serve us and care for us. We are there for days or weeks
      (it doesn't feel like that but it the knowledge behind the dream).
      Then we are outside again and they catch us and someone is surprised by our behavior.
      I slowly wake up from this, struggling to believe it was a dream, but remembering that I already logged my dreams twice!



      And another one on 3rd April

      I am trying to VILD. I imagine drawing numbers and colouring them. Then I daydream about being an apprentice of a master of drawing. But it doesn't last long.
      I slip into a mi of short daydreams turning into dreams. I feel awake and aware of my surroundings but I don't realize that some daydreams fully turned into dreams.

      Sex
      I am in a room with some people/friends. I am wearing my nightie only. T touches my breasts under the nightie. I tell him that I don't mind him doing that but that I don't like not having control over it (basically, that I want it and he should continue but I don't like him not asking).
      I snap my fingers and all other people in the room disappear, it's just two of us.

      I love that. I think how cool it would be to have this skill in a real dream, but this doesn't count because it is only a daydream.
      Then we start kissing... and other things.



      Notes
      I don't know why I struggle with this. Maybe because I like to daydream and my morning daydreams with closed eyes can be vivid and look the same as dreams - at least to my half-asleep brain.
      About the differences:
      Visualization - completely conscious, needs to be maintained with a lot of energy, needs to be micromanaged.
      Daydream - telling myself a story, it can be with our without a narrative over, usually with good visuals. It's part me, part subconscious. Me steering the whole thing but micromanaging isn't needed. It stops if I stop.
      Dream - 100% subconscious, running on its own.

      I used to think that when anything happens in my daydream which I didn't put there (a new object, a new scenery) that it means that it is a dream. But in fact, it is not stable at that point. It needs more to become a dream.
      When daydreaming during hypnagogia, a lot can happen. My dreaming mind is usually trying to distract me by changing the scenery and changing things in my dream. It is OK to let it rather than trying to keep the focus... but it is then hard to stay lucid. This often leads to semi-lucid dreams. With a good chance of regaining the lucidity later.

      One more note: My FAs are never in my bedroom. It can be a hotel room, random room, or just trying to sleep anywhere, like on the road. Fragmented low-quality sleep causes this type of FAs for me.
    12. cclvii. City of cathedrals, Investigation, Concrete sewers and undead rabbits

      by , 04-23-2021 at 09:57 PM
      23rd April 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm in a city, with H or maybe a friend, possibly a dream character. It's built out of full-sized cathedrals which in turn also basically make up a lot of the surrounding landscape. Either way, I'm on a public footpath of some kind and with a non-conscious impression of being somewhere quite high up. There are many other people around, I remember seeing people going in either direction with backpacks on.

      The public path is built on top and as part of some cathedrals' rooves, which are partially flat. These bits have sections of tempered and thick (more than an inch) stained glass that allow pedestrians to walk over them and see inside the cathedrals that are below them.

      (recall gap)

      Something about a police investigation? I'm helping investigating or something.

      (gap)

      A concrete room underground. Related to sewers or some similar water processing facility? It's wet and there's some very deep water, which I can't see into very well but I'm not trying to look. There are platforms, this room has a feel of being like some kind of puzzle or challenge room.

      At some point, I'm now in the water. In the water, there are dozens or perhaps hundreds of undead and rotting rabbits. Their fur is green and patchy. The visible flesh is a pale violet or purple. The ones that have eyes, possibly glow. The undead rabbits swim mindlessly at the surface of the water. The water does not look unclean, despite their presence. In fact, it's kind of clear, even if I can't see very far into it.

      The room has a cold and dim light or ambience.



      Notes:

      Spoiler for Notes spoilered to keep DJ entry less lengthy:

      Updated 04-23-2021 at 09:58 PM by 95293 (grammar)

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
    13. cclvi. Fuzzy reality, Memories, teaching a friend and dad's cancer

      by , 04-22-2021 at 03:10 PM
      22nd April 2021

      There are quite a few personal thoughts and notes here but I guess when are dreams ever anything other than personal? But this took me quite a while to type up, which is frustrating on some level.

      Fragment:


      Playing DII, with the barbarian. I remember I look at the waypoints and see I'm in Act 3 but it's actually hell (Act 4). The colours all look weird, the character looks a fuzzy dark navy blue on some parts. It's generally dark and I am going to where Diablo "lives", I remember going past the hellforge or something.

      Very little recall of this dream but it had a strange feel to it, a bit like some of the weirder pre-sleep dreams I used to get as a kid, where reality made no sense with waking physics and was all fuzzy like static noise.

      (DFLN) Dream:

      Spoiler for Lengthy dream:


      Spoiler for Notes, spoilered for length:

      Updated 04-22-2021 at 03:13 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    14. Chaos fragment | [20.04.2021]

      by , 04-20-2021 at 04:40 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Chaos fragment
      I only remember that it was a dream that had me not sleeping quite well. It likely wasn't a nightmare, though. I remember that it might have been in the flat I live. Maybe it has to do with Harry Potter somehow, but maybe not. Would make sense, considering I've been watching the movies yesterday.
    15. a little better?

      by , 04-20-2021 at 06:24 AM (MoSh's DJ: The Best Dream Journal in The Universe.)
      Jamie

      Just remember that I had a dream with her in it. Can't remember what. It's like she's just letting me know she's still around.

      V

      Had a dream that Victoria frommy previous job (I'm jobless now), was following me around various dreams. Again I can't recall specifics.

      I had some other dreams I think but can't remember...

      Oh yeah..

      K

      Had a dream that Kiah, the cousin who died in my house last month was in my dream. I was freaking out I kept saying . "but you died how are you here?" She just laughed it off and said she was alive somehow... Maybe it was a visitation. I get dreams like these whenever a family member dies. Like when my grandma died in 2001 I had one where she was in a church she said hi to me and I ran down the hallway in my dream screaming, "You're dead, You're dead!!"

      Updated 04-20-2021 at 06:27 AM by 6012

      Tags: jamie, victoria
      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
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