Recent DJ Posts

So... I've been planning on posting new entries to my DJ here on DV, but I'm not quite sure where to start.
My dreams are one hell of a mess at the moment, and they're probably not much fun to read.
It seems like many of them are centered around hurting me one way or another.
Usually this is done through Faye, a recurring DC.
They're not nightmares though. Well, at least most of them aren't.
I usually catch those when they start and become lucid, allowing me either change or stop them.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

I'm hanging out with some waking-life friends.
We're at V's place, up in his attic, where he has set up a bar and a large couch to relax.
Overall I'm having a good time, but there's something making me somewhat uncomfortable.
There's a woman with us that I don't think I have seen before.
But everyone is acting as if we've all known each other for years.
In fact, at one point, she is telling a story about her and I getting into trouble
when we were on vacation together.

What? I don't remember this woman, and we were supposedly spending out holidays together?
What is going on?

We have a few drinks, discuss some things that I cannot recall, and end up talking about what everyone
is currently doing in their lives. It's mostly a discussion about what our expectations were a few years back,
about what we would be doing now, and how everything actually turned out.
It's my turn, and I walk about making video games, and that I am not quite certain how I am going to transition
from university life to working. I haven't fully decided exactly what I want to do yet, but I do know
roughly which direction I want to go.

The woman I do not know interrupts me, and starts saying hurtful things.
I don't remember exactly how she said it, but she was basically stating that I will never amount to anything.
I am shocked. I do not understand how one of my friends would ever say anything like that.
I have a good relationship with all of my friends, nobody would ever do this.
But for some reason it really hurts. To the point where I actually consider whether or not I am a failure as a person.

Fortunately, I slowly become aware of what is actually happening.
I am dreaming.
This is a dream.

I attempt to look at the facial expression of everyone, to see if they agreed with what the woman said.
But they are all gone. I find myself alone with this woman now.
She looks pleased with herself. She has accomplished what she wanted.

I try to elevate my level of awareness by thinking about my current situation.
There is some improvement. Enough to realize that the woman is Faye.

"Wipe that grin off your face"

I am pissed.
She keeps doing this lately and I absolutely hate it.
I decide to confront her about it.

"Why do you keep doing this?"
"You are doing this to yourself. Remember, I am a part of yourself"

I remember having confronted her before, and she said the exact same thing.
Why is she my dream guide again? Lately her influence on my dreams has been purely negative...



Here's another example, where she attempts to distract me (from lucidity):

I am walking through the city together with a friend of mine.
She's rushing from shop to shop, looking at all the things.
Despite the situation being so hectic, I become lucid.
I also quickly realize that the woman I'm with is Faye.
I immediately decide that I want to leave. There is nothing of interest in this dream scene.

I concentrate, trying to leave the current scene behind and go to Riven instead.
But Faye interrupts me. She grabs my hand and drags me away.
I tell her to leave me alone, but she won't listen.

I feel anger building up inside of myself.
She's done this a few times now, trying to break my lucidity.
And usually she succeeds...

"You're not going anywhere!"

My muscles tense up from anger.
Suddenly the buildings around me begin to collapse, seemingly as a reacting to tensing up my muscles.
It's an odd feeling.
First there is some guilt from destroying the buildings by accident.
But that quickly disappears once I understand that nobody was in these buildings.
After all this is a dream.

Unfortunately Faye is having none of it.
She takes control of the surrounding DC's and makes them yell at me.

"Why did you do this? Why did you kill those people?"

Things like that.
I eventually loose lucidity...


These dreams are quite frustrating.
But I think that I can fix this mess if I manage to reach a high level of lucidity.
By that I mean, if manage to think clearly within a lucid dream, and be aware of this goal,
which is difficult with this level of interference and distraction.
Still, I'm confident that I'll manage to fix it... hopefully soon.

The only thing I remember: I was in class. My crush was about to sit next, so I moved over to give her some room, but she sat in another spot (with a somewhat disgusted look on her face).

Ouch.

The last two nights have both brought dreams of cheaters and cheating again. I can definitely chalk up "Cheating" as a dream sign, though I really wish it wasn't. I don't like having these dreams at all.

Dream 1

I find out that my Man is with some other woman, and that he is spending most of his free time with her. He refuses to take proper precautions in his "dealings" with her, and is overall being really hurtful and selfish, proclaiming that he will continue on doing just whatever the hell he wants with her, neglecting me and the kids in the process. I am overwhelmed and find it hard to cope with taking care of the kids. My 4 year old son ends up playing in a muddy field while I am forced to listen to my Man's groupies, who are all clustered on a bright red fire engine, go and on about how hot he is. He makes me watch a short trailer type movie about him and his new girl. I just ache with the hurt. I tell him how he's heartless and put me at risk.
I am then scolded by some social services type of woman for the lack of care I am giving my son.

Dream 2

An old instructor of mine has come into town after many years (Actually this is based in reality, this person from my past recently contacted me on facebook). He taught me when I was much younger. He is still married to the same woman, whom I don't know so well a part from knowing she is shy and quiet. I'm at my Mom's house, upstairs in her old bedroom before the renovations she did a few years back. I'm just laying around reading a book. He comes into the bedroom and flops on the bed beside me, spewing his usual witty and entertaining banter. After a long time talking, he suddenly makes a pass at me, grabbing me really inappropriately. I am totally confused, but somehow not surprised.

Flash forward to another woman, who, in my dream, looks exactly like Kim Raver from Gray's Anatomy, that he used to teach as well. I know that she used to have a huge crush on him, and I become aware that she feels very competitive towards me, vying for his attentions. She is acting very slutty and suggestive around him. She is sitting with her legs spread eagle, drawing attention to the "damage" to her jeans that apparently my instructor and I were responsible for "all those years ago". She is pleased with herself that she can still fit into the jeans, but I wonder how the hell she can be seen in public with them and not be thrown in jail for indecent exposure. All the areas that are supposed to be covered are very visible through big gaping holes. I notice my instructor is enjoying the show, and I wonder about his wife and where she is.

Some questionable stuff happens against the outside of an old shack, then the dream ends.