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5.25.15

bed 11:20 am - 9:45pm with 3 or so potty breaks

First time in a while I remember dreams from the whole time I was asleep.

DILD?
I'm walking on a street and I see a pink bunny, no fur, walking on his front legs, upside down. I stop in my track and stare at him. He asks me something like "what you looking at?" and I say "are you for real?". He just looks at me as it is for me to figure it out. I ask him "am I dreaming?" and I look at my hands. I say "yes, I am dreaming" and I remember how just that night before bed I wanted to get lucid.

I don't remember any strong happiness. But I didn't have that in some of my later DILDs either. So I immediatelly leave the scene and start climbing up on the outside of a house. It's like from fairy tales. Lots of wooden design on the house so it's easy to find a foothold and grab something with hands. I easily climb to the top.

I look to another house adjacent to this one. That one is modern, concrete and glass. I stick my head in the open window and say :hello, anybody home?" while I know they are home. I look down and I'm 3 stories high, so I know it will startle them. I start talking about how I like their light colored furniture that has some dark streaks in it. They tell me they could pick that one on one with pink streaks, but I lose interest and leave.

Not sure if still lucid here, probobly not. But me and my dad are building a flying machine out of kitchen chairs. Just attaching 2 behind each other, powered by dream power. I think we actually take it for a spin, or I just describe to him how it would be to be flying.

NEXT dream
I'm with many people. One of them is my friend from school, with some elements from Ophelia. I'm asking her if she still has the "wow" moment when she gets lucid, and she says yes. I'm still trying to figure out if I the previous dream was lucid. We talk about lucids for a while. Someone is giving a lecture while we sit at the tables and talk some more.

There were more dreams, but I only commited these to memory.

In which I attempt to fly in a lucid dream...

Lately, I've been "getting stuck" in the mornings as I try to wake up. This is what I've always called sleep paralysis. I remembered that it's easier to enter a lucid dream from this state, so I decided to try it. I stopped fighting the paralysis and let myself fall into sleep, all the while saying to myself, "I'm dreaming" until I heard the quaking, crashing sound that indicates I'm finally asleep. I stood up and felt light weight. Everything was shiny. I walked towards the front door of my house and, instead of turning the door knob, decided to walk through it. Then I was in the yard under the stars. I decided to try to fly. I flew up over my house and towards the field behind my house, but then I had trouble controlling the flight. I decided to try to fly all the way to the moon, but the flying became more like swimming. I was trying to do the breast stroke through the air and got tired easily. I let myself fall back towards the field behind my house and tried to think of what experience I'd like to have next. I tried wishing for things to see if they appeared, but suddenly I realized I was standing on my front porch again. I didn't remember getting there and realized I'd lost control of the dream. This woke me up.

In which I dream again about H...

H is upset with me over a misunderstanding with S. I go to her old house, which is actually at K's mom's house in our home town. I walk into the house, but I'm standing in the foyer. I know she is on the other side of a wall with a baseball bat, and I know she is angry. I call into the house to tell her it's me and that I'd like to talk to her about what happened. I tell her it was a misunderstanding with S and that I want to make amends with her. I can feel her rage and it scares me so I step back out of the house. I shout at her from the lawn.

Then she calms down and says I can enter. I sit down with her at the bar. There are other people around. Her mom is there. I explain what happened with S and how the misunderstanding started. She understands and is no longer angry. We sit down to talk. Her hair is short and pulled back on the sides like it was when she was pregnant. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I realize she hasn't died yet. I tell her that she is going to find herself in a very dark place one day and that she is going to need help, and I beg her to remember to call me. I try to say all the things I've been trying to say over and over again. She looks at me straight in the eyes and tells me I'm being a liar. I'm not, I argue. I grab her upper arms and turn her towards me. I tell her to look at me and see that I'm being serious and sincere. I tell her to promise she'll call me.

Meanwhile, her mom is now sitting on the other side of me. She has an iPad, but in the dream, it is H's cell phone. She shows me how you can swipe through images on the phone that show incoming and outgoing phone calls on H's phone from the night she died. She hands me the iPad and we start scrolling through the numbers together. I'm terrified that my number will come up and we'll see that she did call me. But we are looking at incoming calls and not outgoing ones, and for some reason my number does not pop up showing that I called her back even though I did and I left a message too but I should've kept calling and I don't know why I didn't. I worry that her mom is going to blame me.

H asks what we are doing, and I tell her. I try to use the iPad as proof that I'm being serious and sincere when I tell her what is going to happen. Her mom asks me what I'm telling H, and I tell her that I'm trying to convince her to call the people who love her when she gets to that dark place. Her mom nods her head calmly and unconvinced and allows that this is an appropriate thing to say. I feel like I can't really get through to either of them and that it's all somehow my own fault. But I look inside myself and can't find anything else more sincere than what I'm saying, and if it's not a true feeling then there is just an emptiness behind it so I don't know what else to say.

Beautiful Yellow Eyes
I was walking inside Main Street shopping center. I felt a bit uncomfortable because of I was wearing pretty average plain clothing. I noticed some others were wearing average stuff, making me feel much better about myself. As I was walking through the shops, I saw a girl (preggers). She was walking near me, and seemed to be looking at me, maybe even saying something to me. I ignored her and just kept walking as if I had not noticed her.

Some girl stopped me in my tracks and asked me something. I think she was looking for a new boyfriend or sexual partner. As I looked at her, I was drawn in straight to her eyes. They were beautiful, having a nice yellow look to them. I straight away said "wow, u have amazing eyes. Ur hot". She was decent looking. I think I put my arm around her and walked towards a shop where you could eat. I find myself hearing that she likes men that are endowed. I look towards the wall at a bit of art work which has writing on it. It's talking about an elephant and its long trunk, referring to long penises.
We seem to become distant from each other and she goes and starts talking to other men. I see her at a table talking a darkish skinned man. It looks like he has a turban under his hoody. I have some jealously at this point and think to myself something on the lines of "she won't be happy being with a Muslim man".

I'm at the same place but sitting at a computer. As I'm doing Internet banking, I feel or know she is looking for a wealthy man. I start to feel sorry for myself because I'm on benefits and don't have a lot to show for myself. A few people come over to use the computer I'm using, which makes me have to move myself off the chair onto the floor. I felt intimidated, but did nothing about it except be a push over. I see that there is 4 or so people at the computer, a few guys & girls. The person nearest to me was a guy. He seemed like a bit of an asshole. I over heard him say that the girl that has the yellow eyes was a gold digger, which confirmed for me that it was true. As we all used the computer, there were hands everywhere over the keyboard, typing whatever they please. I jokingly said about this to them. The computer seems to be an ATM also. I try and withdraw a decent amount of money. I remember stalling a little and I think my dad may have got frustrated. I figured it out quickly. As i withdrew money, the previous people that had used it left their money in there. It made things confusing for me and i panicked. I grabbed all the money and was going to sort things out by myself because majority of money was mine and I wanted to make sure things were right. A man of Asian appearance was thinking it was some what suspicious and wasn't sure about me doing so. The people's money i had were standing in the distance at a counter. My intentions were to get things right and return the money to them. I remember counting my money and freaking out. At first it looked as if all my money wasn't there at first, but as i continue to count, it seems to be adding up I think.

I'm now sitting near the old police station across from new station, counting my money.

Side Notes
EFT - Even though I only remembered 1 dream last night, I deeply and completely accept myself, and will remember all my dreams tonight.

Need to use an EFT for recording dreams upon awakening.