Detox She arrives and cries, "Sister, help me." She is weary with the unlit way of her life. She declares, without stout dedication, to give living one more go. She needs to detox. I am no doctor. My mind screams no but my hand reaches out. Does she feel the slight tremors of my dread? She trudges to bed, stays still in the dark. It is the calm before her storm. The Game Extended family scattered cross a yard. Like chess pieces they move: Step pause. Step pause. Step pause. I stride normally through other oddities: Jagged fences. Maples in place of pines. Ditch evolved to river. Stone wall rises to the road. I climb. A mad cousin charges our chess locked kin. He stabs, one by one. No compassion wells for any of them. I am no savior... still I crush stabbers skull with a stone. Silence. Surviving chess pieces step pause their way to our cousin corpse. Driven Destination near found! He chauffeurs us around. Cars keep crossing lines. They speed then skid to shoulder. My heart could be wrong but it believes more safety abides on the roadside than on the road. But I am not released. Strap in. It is accepted, this driven destiny of mangled deformation and/or death. Sots and Stars Moonlight softens life's sharp edges, conceals the clutter of my soul. Night is sweet and safe. Then comes a knock. I swing wide the door. In stampedes slobbering beasts. They are my aunt and two cousins. They guzzle beer, boast drunkard deeds. I sit, un-submitting to their spirits. When finally they fumble their way away, I send no well wishes or waves. Starlight suddenly shakes my heart. Constellations are contorted. North star shines southerly. Sky is awry. How am I to right it? So many missed opportunities for lucidity. Upon re-reading these, I see now the tie that binds them: Some obnoxious sort of savior complex that has lost me control of my own life. From now on: Just. Say. No. It's time to realign my north star.
Updated 08-06-2024 at 02:02 PM by 101265
Several different scenarios, all connected by a feeling. What would normally have been permeated by fear or a sense of dread was instead punctuated by calm and happiness... First encounter: There was this large collection of skyscrapers, interconnected by a kind of airport-esque system of subways and elevators. I was trying to reach my floor, where I was to attend what was, to the best of my memory, a job/lecture. My boss/professor was similar to my college history professor, a distinctly British man. Strange I cannot distinguish between this being my vocation or just a college class. I had several encounters in the buildings/elevators/subways with both strangers and familiar faces. At a certain point, the main entrance to my building was closed, and I struggled to find another way inside. Second: I was with my family, I believe we were discussing politics in an outdoor pavilion. Fairly out of the ordinary for my family to do this. I was to travel to our beach house, and I think my dad was waiting for me there. I can't remember the details of this encounter, but I do recall the feeling distinctly. It was a kind of sickly/sweet happiness, like a fabricated ease. Only upon waking did I question the fact I was feeling so at ease in these dreams. But it did make for an unusually enjoyable experience. Third: I was at a concert or possibly a music festival, it was nighttime. Once again, I encountered both strangers and friends. I was walking around, it was red and black, kind of carnival-like. Some members of one my bands were there and we exchanged words. I think it was friendly. A part that sticks out was a singer preforming a Led Zeppelin tune and forgetting the lyrics. One moment she put the mic in front of an audience member, who sang the incorrect lyrics to the song. She scoffed at him and moved on. Eventually I took over and began singing the bridge portion of Stairway to Heaven. I remember being quite pleased that I was able to hit the high notes pretty well, but nobody seemed to take notice. I wish I had recorded these dreams immediately upon waking. They were still so fresh and vivid this morning. I can only remember fragments and feelings now. But these encounters really gave me a strong, new feeling. It was powerful enough to make me journal them. I hope to continue these recordings as regularly as I can, and ideally get to a point where lucidity would be possible...
Attempting my first dream journal entry. Mud Hill Ritual Sky sprawls starless. Trees stoop, draped in sultry dusk. We rush, Daughter and I, for sighs of light. Up a mountain of mud, toes rake earth, fingers claw clods of grass long dead. We strive. Finally... apex! We stand upon narrow ledge, worn wooden wall behind. To left and right, nations of shawl, of jingle, of smoke, sing. They punch the wall to the doom doom doom of some shadow cast heart. It will all fall apart, I know. So back to bottom I slide to watch the ritual unravel. But it does not. We do not. Starkind Languages spill into the night. Stars are disjointed and stand too near. Amidst them ether fires dance and streak and swerve unobserved by all but I. Fear flares. Then some peace, slippery and warm, spills within. To the speakers I go until ends the omniglot ebb and flow. Their fires fade. One spark remains. Together we weave dreams and schemes for fires yet to be. She is Mox Fulder. I show her the dancing sky fires. She sees! Stars lurch nearer. Now forms the sacred fellowship of the starkind. We are two. These pair of dreams keep coming back to me with fond feelings despite the underlying dread in both. My dreaming goals for today are: 1 Introduce myself 2 Read 3 lucid dreaming threads 3 Make 5 posts 4 Start my dream journal 5 Read 5 lucid dreams before bed Reminder to me: Trying to keep regular dreams to under 100 words because I know that journaling will take more and more time as recall improves. I will write out lucid dreams in a fuller fashion as they happen. Also, I'm not sure if I should give each dream it's own post or post a nights dreams all in the same post. Will figure it out at some point, I expect. Well, here it goes. First journal entry.
Note: I heard that dream shaman bi polar guy talking about his beliefs. He does dream real things about people. He claims he gets shown things about people in dreaming and claims it's his spirit guides that tell him what to do in dreams. So my guess is that is what he is operating under when he consistently interferes in mine and Jamie's dreams. I personally have a huge lack of trust of anything "spirit guides." Have to say. In my own experience: they lie. I personally only trust Jesus at this point. Yes sure, he hardly speaks, and when he does its often vague. But, he never leads astray. First night: Nothing. During the day I did work with the temp agency and did a small moving job in Didsbury. Pretty sure I seen Jamie driving into Didsbury on that pot hole hell road in between Olds and Didsbury. I was in the back of a Dodge truck going past the train tracks and construction near the storage unit Yard. I saw the white SUV that I'm sure I've seen Jamie in before. I saw the long brown hair with a bangs cut and she was wearing large sunglasses ( people with her eye color are a lot more sensitive to sunlight.) I heard her voice in my head say something like, " did you see me? I think I saw you." And sometime later. " I wanna see you again." Next part is debatable whether it was Jamie or not. Many hours later, I'm at home. Sitting at the table outside the house just pondering. I was remembering that Jamie used to do drive bys on me. And that it seemed like some time since she had done so. While I was thinking this. I vaguely noticed a blue or green pickup truck driven by a lone woman, whom seemed to be wearing dutch braids, and sporting large sunglasses. I wasn't really paying attention but she appeared to be in her thirties. She turned from the main street in Bowden but heading towards the main highway but she turned on my street and turned into the alley facing my yard and began heading the opposite way. While turned on to the Alleyway she looked my way, and quickly turned facing front after a second. I was still zoning in my own thoughts when Jamie's voice entered my head, "Did you see me?". I was like: yeah right, no way that was her. But then I ran it back. I've passed her in Olds before when she had braids. In that instance she was beaming at me. ( Her voice will argue she was just smiling but I know better ). As for the change in vehicle . Emily King said in her video that girls will even help their friends vet someone by helping stalk them. And it's not hard to borrow someone's vehicle if you offer to fill their tank if you use it for a few hours. So if it was her. You're telling me that she finished work or whatever she was doing in Didsbury, went home, or to a friend's. Got done up in dutch braids, and borrowed a friend's truck? I even asked her voice, " why are you always changing vehicles?" She replied, " I'm trying to be secretive." Well... It's not working if I can clearly see who it is. It's the quick head turn that's the dead giveaway remember. She must have really liked the last post about the sign I was given to marry her. That's not even the initial big sign I was given. Jamie 1 Me and Jamie are driving in Didsbury towards a camp ground. We both plan to go camping together. Im talking to her in my head instead of normally. I say, "Did you pack is lots of underwear? I think we're going to need it." Uhhh. Jamie 2 Something about Jamie being at a campground and avoiding me. She was feeling guilty about something. Maybe it was a flashback to the outdoor concert thingy I saw her at? Jamie 3 I'm at Jamie's house. It's dark and messy. There seems to be demons all over. But regardless she's happy to see me. We are sitting on a couch holding hands and watching something. Jamie 4 Me and Jamie are walking alongside a busy highway. There is a man walking behind us a ways. Jamie nudges me with a look of fear and indicates in the Man's direction. It's that annoying dream shaman guy that was trying to break us up. He walks faster towards us meaning to catch up but me and Jamie are having none of it. We turn ahead but now there's a large truck pulled over on the shoulder. Cars are going by so fast that going around the truck that it's dangerous to walk around it. The ditch is suicidally deep so that's not an option. The guy is getting closer. Jamie looks fearful and I instinctively pray to Jesus to stop the man and keep him from dreaming with us. A flaming sword falls out of the sky and lands between us and the man. Now it's an immutable wall of fire that he can't cross. This also creates a break in the traffic. I remember me and Jamie finally making it past the truck when I wake up.
Second entry in my exclusive journal for dreams involving Earth being relieved of the human species. I dreamt this story in the early hours of July 27, 2024: I was in a city in Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil, and I was unemployed. An uncle of mine was invited to partner in a psychiatric clinic made for very rich people who needed urgent treatments and a lot of discretion. Knowing I was unemployed, my uncle invited me to assist with the case of a patient, a young woman with short black hair, a red overcoat, and a very elegant hat. Apparently, she was suffering from intermediate-stage dementia, and the disease was progressing slowly and dangerously. I accepted the proposal and met the owner of the institution, a very well-dressed old man with a white mustache, wearing a white suit and lots of jewelry. I went exploring the mansion that served as the clinic and found a balcony with a breathtaking view of the Rio Grande do Sul's pampas. There, right in front of me, a strong storm formed, with black clouds swirling fiercely until a tornado formed right before my incredulous eyes. I found the scene beautiful and ran inside, calling my wife to watch the spectacle with me. When I returned to the balcony, there were four or five tornadoes. They would dissipate and reform, destroying everything around them while we watched. Talking to my wife, I discovered that this was happening all over the world, a result of global climate changes, and in every city, these tornadoes were destroying everything.
Since I was a child, I have often had dreams involving different forms of apocalypse: zombie pandemics, alien invasions, global floods, global droughts, global famines, global wars, etc. These types of dreams are the ones that interest me the most, so I decided to create a separate dream journal specifically for dreams where life on Earth is extinguished. The following dream occurred in the early hours of July 17, 2024: The planet was facing a severe water crisis. Potable water was practically nowhere to be found, and people had already lost hope of survival. I lived in a desert city with houses falling apart. People were dying from hunger, thirst, and all sorts of diseases. Society and its laws had become irrelevant, and anarchy combined with despair resulted in a bestial humanity. There was constant violence among people. I saw children being born and treated with total neglect, so most of them died before growing up. While exploring randomly, I found a resort built on the last source of potable water on the planet. It was a very luxurious and expensive place, accessible only to the world's wealthiest families. I sneaked in and hid among some bushes to avoid being seen. A few meters in front of me was a photographer taking pictures of the families entering the resort. Further away, I saw an immense pool, larger than a football stadium, filled with pure and crystal-clear water, where rich families bathed to relieve the heat. They smiled for the photos and played in the water as if they were completely immune to the scarcity plaguing the planet. I stayed there, hidden and horrified, watching these people enjoy themselves at the last clean water source on Earth.
I was approached by this journalist to do an item on something, idk what exactly it was about, voice acting or something. I go upstairs to take a shower real quick and there's a whole group of people partying in the bathroom there. I don't care and shower regardless. Once I'm ready much later, we head into the city, which is Alkmaar for some reason despite me not living there, nor have I ever been there. We film a bit, but it feels unnatural, so the reporter gets these fake red dreads and attaches these to my hair in the front so it looks like I have more hair. We then go to the McDonald's for dinner and it's super busy there. Meanwhile the camera woman gets the plants out of there so we can film. She does this whole shot from streets away where she runs towards the McDonald's, puts the camera on the table, then interviews me. I can't even remember what it was about and it definitely wasn't a serious interview. The guy working there says the interviewer used to be her boss, I check her LinkedIn and she used to work at a hand washing service company. I think she got some B-roll afterwards, and we get into the Berlin metro and head home. In the metro, I access a locker that apparently everyone in my art school can access, and I get my journals out of there. As the metro arrives at the destination, I try to grab my stuff before the door closes again. A little kid brags that I was interviewed, but no one really cares and I wake up.
Low recall due to some stressful days. Found some semi steady work today through a Didsbury temp agency. Felt really good to have work with some people who aren't my family. . Only fragments to record. Face I was doing my daily prayers for myself and Jamie and half fell asleep. Saw an HH image of Jesus peering over some clouds and smiling. It was as if he was happy with what I was praying over Jamie. HH Quick HH dream of me asking Jamie if she's the real Jamie. And I was using her full name. Last night: In the middle of the night I went out for a smoke. I was having an intimate and funny conversation with her voice and I was thinking if this is really her, I would marry her. Just then I saw a shooting star... As if confirming this thought. Second time this year that has happened to me. Weird phrase Another HH flash of a friend's girlfriend who was visiting our house. She looked at me and said, " There's cash registers in your soup." I woke up and thought the phrase was hilarious.
In light of recently reconnecting with an old school chum in waking life, I found myself in his presence within my dream. He was sort of guiding me along a path on some island where he lived. We came across a ferry that took us a short way across a very narrow river. On the other side, we met up with a few of his friends, some of whom I seemed to know, others I did not. I remember having packed an excessive amount of clothing, and fussing over what I would change into. I think my little sister showed up at one point as well. There was some important crux to this dream I am forgetting, but I really hope to start journaling regularly again. I need a greater sense of spiritualism and synchronicity in my waking life, and I used to obtain often those from my dream life. Here's to hopeful, consistent Dream Journaling once again.
Can't load this website on my laptop says security error. I'm using my phone to type. Seemingly rough couple days with her voice. I went to Karaoke at the tavern with my brother and all their friends in Didsbury. I remembered having dreams of Jamie either hanging out or working across the street. So I kind of asked the Jamie voice what is the right thing for me to do should I accidentally run into her somewhere. I heard a really cutting response like, " Don't even look at me, or try to talk to me." That got me kinda upset. Okay, a lot upset. I mean; I'm not going to anyway especially if she looks like she doesn't want to be talked to. I can respect space and privacy. But why be mean? Who knows if that was really her voice or not. Eventually we both seemed to resolve it where I just let her say something if that were to happen, but before saying something just let her linger nearby until she feels safe to say something. Smile if she smiles. Wave. Or am I allowed to wave first to test where she's at? IDK. Later on her voice said something like, " Don't talk to me in my head anymore." Repeated a few times. I just apologized and said I'll be quiet. A minute later we seemed to work it out. And later she said, " please don't try to break up with me anymore. " I was all confused because I heard it the other way around. So I talked to her voice some more and ran it back. Apparently she heard the phrase that I heard from her, but me saying it to her. So we both agreed that we both hear "false voices." Sometimes. We also talked about her being afraid to even say anything to me. That was her reasons, not mine. And I do remember when we used to hang out. How a part of her seemed to really want to move things want to move things forward with me. But also there was another part of her that would not let it happen. MUST not let it happen. And I remember thinking in those days that she seemed genuinely TERRIFIED of getting too close. I would watch that war go on in her daily sometimes. Anyway dreams. The karaoke night I was up so late I couldn't recall any dreams. That was also an exhaustive night with the voice with a lot of confusion but I won't go into detail. Last night Quiet I was in a white room and I was shackled by my arms to the floor. Jamie came in and unshackled me. She looked exhausted to the point of looking way older. Her face seemed thinner than normal. We began walking somewhere but she was keeping her distance. My dad was suddenly with us. And she was lingering closer to him than me. I remember feeling down about it, feeling that she should be closer to me than my dad. There goes my BPD brain again, finding rejection where there is none.
Handful of Jamie flashes. One where we are both in a car . I'm holding her hand while driving. Another flash she is just holding me and we both seem happy. Last flash was just a sex related one. Had a few non lucids without Jamie. 2 of them were McDonald's related. Dreamed I was working there again temporarily. Last flash I was in a courtroom where a lawyer was talking to a judge. They said something about Jamie so I was asking about how they knew her
Not much dreams. Dock Just me standing on a dock with a bunch of water. Last night had some trouble sleeping. After normal prayers it seemed like that guy was trying to get between me and Jamie during our time. ( I've touched on this before, with "twin flames." Many people report sensing their partners beside them. This combined with the head voice can create a vivid experience.) Her voice asked for more prayers to fend this guy off. Had a HH vision of him cutting an astral chord between me and Jamie and I couldn't sense her or her voice. Prayed right away to Jesus that he restore it. I felt her near me again instantly. After half an hour of prayers and me and the Jamie voice telling him to leave us alone. It finally stopped. Am I getting schizophrenia? After all this fell asleep . I think he got the message and gave up Jamie I'm floating up to some clouds. It's like heaven. Several people are standing on white pillars. I'm floating up and notice Jamie standing on one. She smiles at me and extends her hand. When I'm close she grabs my hand and pulls me to her. We start making out violently. Can't remember much after but micro dreams where I'm with Jamie. We are holding hands, or she's hanging off my arm and we are just walking somewhere and talking.
July 16th, 2024 (Comp Night 10) Fragment 1 At my grandparent's former house. I'm walking around the outside of the house, and come to the "side entrance", which looks more like a different "front" entrance. Fragment 2 In a small boat at a family vacation spot at the lake. I'm trying to get around a rock outcropping. Once I get around, the current is very strong, and keeps pushing me back toward the shore. Fragment 3 I was banned from a site because people thought my post was racist. But what I had been posting was something that I had dreamed... ...Something involving building things out of plastic pieces. There are little rectangular objects that fit into little slots on the side of a transparent plastic container, and I want to put these back in place... Fragment 4 Something about my niece. July 17th, 2024 (Comp Night 11) Fragment 1 There is a building. Inside this building is a hallway, with rooms off to either side. The rooms are fitted with pipes, and mud can be piped into these rooms to make them into a sort of mud bath. I think I am in one of these, but instead of feeling nice the mud has a weird feel to it - it reminds me of loose stool somehow. Then there is something about people hanging from a ceiling. July 18th, 2024 (Comp Night 12) I put this one off a little too long, I think. I don't remember too much about these notes. Fragment 1 Something about boats. This might be the one where I was supposed to paint boats, but that dream seems like it happened longer ago. Fragment 2 There is a test about a story. I think it's one of those dreams where I haven't prepared much for a test, and it will soon be time to take the test. Fragment 3 We have a nice sized garden. There might be a lot of weeds in it though. Then we go to a garden center, which seems to be a place that we used to go when I was little. Dream 1 In the men's room. I notice that there are women in the men's room. I start walking around wondering about this, and then I remember that this is a dream sign. I try to count my fingers, but I don't seem to be convinced that I'm dreaming. For one thing, the restroom is really cluttered - it seems to be part of a store. For some reason, this seems like it would explain why there are so many women in the men's restroom, and I don't become lucid. July 19th, 2024 (Comp Night 13) Fragment 1 Watching a movie starring Audrey Hepburn. She is singing. Something about Paris, I think. Fragment 2 My advisor has snakes at the university. One of them bites me. It isn't poisonous, but it kind of hurt. I have gone down the hall and want to go back (to the lab?). I decide to go a different route, because the snake might bite me again. I go up through some corridor...I have to teach... Fragment 3 Something about my niece swearing... Fragment 4 I need to put on some pants to go somewhere. Someone is watching me, so I think I try something odd where I put one pair of pants over top of another pair of pants, or something. Fragment 5 Somebody took too long of a bathroom break...
apparently using a dream journal means using it frequently. yeah. i should do that more.
The Reservoir: I'm at my Grandma's current home in the basement with my niece. She wants to show me "the reservoir". I have no idea what she means, but she is gesturing toward a small crawlspace door on the wall. I follow her through. Feeling is definitely creepy in here. A ladder leads deep down below the house. When we get to the bottom, it resembles the basement we just left, but darker and more decrepit. Over in the living area, there are some wizards having an argument. Each of them has a staff with a jewel of a unique element (Fire, Ice, Electricity). There is a sort of alert, and everybody has to hide. I stay out, and try to get stock of the situation. The situation resolves, and I try to indicate to a group hiding nearby in alcove that the coast is clear.
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