Recent DJ Posts

I am in a large room where many people are gathered, where the wall I’m facing is almost entirely windows, and a forested area is visible beyond. A woman sits in a chair in the middle of the room. She is in bad health, and seems to be the center of attention. I have the impression that everyone here is family.

Through the glass of the windows, I see a shadowy figure appear. I shout at it and make gestures, trying to “catch” it. I can’t allow it to come any closer to her - although I’m quite aware that nobody else here can see it, and this probably looks pretty weird right now. Not that it’s there, in any kind of objective sense. But I can only perceive using the senses I have, and so it’s got to “be” somewhere. But whatever. I’ve just got to make it go away - that’s what’s important. I finally manage it, at which point the thing splits into two and vanishes.

It isn’t over yet, though. I see a disembodied arm very close to the glass, grabbing for a necklace. I run over and grab the arm, which is extremely hairy, and pull. I tell the others that they need to pull too, holding onto me, for it to work. I’m not sure if they’ll believe me and do it, but they do. One woman reaches out to try to feel the arm. She can touch it, as I thought she'd probably be able to, although it still isn’t visible to her. It actually seems to be working.

7.7.24


I’m in a museum with my aunt and uncle. It seems to be a museum of techno. Various displays are set up in a large, open space, but the different music playing at each one seems to be the focus rather than anything visual. The default language here seems to be German. I want to go off to explore on my own, but if my uncle also decides to go off alone, I’m not sure how my aunt will do by herself.

Later, I’m on a train. I didn’t manage to find a free seat, but I really don’t mind too much. In another part, Nina approaches me, holding a bottle of hand soap she found in the bathroom, showing me that it has some kind of punny train-related name.

—

In another dream later in the night, I seem to be a university student. A group of students approaches me, having discovered that I’ve taken classes in “the French room”. They have apparently heard stories about this place and want to see it for themselves. I say I’ll take them there, although it isn’t clear to me what’s supposed to be so special about it.

I ask one young woman why everyone is so intent on going there. She gives a couple reasons, one about it being where somebody’s finger was pricked. I don’t outright realize I’m dreaming, but the fairy tale reference still makes me take notice. I realize that I need to understand what she’s saying in a symbolic way. She seems upset - so much that I ask her if she really wants to go there, when just talking about it is that bad.

28.7.24


I’m lying on a couch, reading a book. From where I am, I can hear my aunt and uncle talking downstairs. My aunt says that she’s going to drive herself to an appointment she’s made with a doctor. I don’t think she’ll follow through or get far enough to put herself in danger, but my uncle should probably hide the keys anyway. (I’m probably thinking of my grandmother and her car crash on some level.) Sure enough, I can hear him going over to the cabinet by the door and getting them out. The keys fly up over the half-wall and land somewhere soft. I get up and go find them.

In the next part I remember, I’m somewhere else - a landing, apparently in the same house. I set the keys by the top step of the stairs, where my uncle can get them again if he needs them. He’s just downstairs, and I tell him as much, then go to get changed. I’m still wearing the shirt I’ve been sleeping in. I take it off as I head back. It seems to be the only thing I’m wearing.

The setting is once again different - it seems to be a school gym. The gym leads into an enormous cavern. I recognize the cavern as mine somehow - it belongs to me, it’s my home - and just being there makes me feel more clear-headed and spacious. I can recall previous times I’ve been to this place, and I’m already acting as if I’m aware I’m dreaming, although the realization hasn’t explicitly dawned yet.

The entrance is very wide and tall, and the area inside is vast - like an entire city with a nocturnal atmosphere. In the entry area, I see a group of people, two women with a group of teenagers. They all look a little lost. I figure I should offer to help them out - although maybe I should put on some clothes first? Then again, this is a dream - I realize - and does that really matter? I decide that I’ll offer to help, and also say I’ll put on clothes if they’d prefer - and proceed to do so.

They react as if I’ve just confirmed something they suspected, and one tells me that they can get out on their own, so I go further into the cave, going over the dream-familiar areas as I pass, now flying. There are six or seven in the front area I have memories of, which I revisit mentally, one by one. But I’ve only explored a small part of what’s here.

At some point, my parents seem to be there as well, also flying. I don’t have a strong visual impression of them. There is a fire burning here - I can see more fiery areas as we go upward, through what now seems to be an unrealistically large space for an underground area. It doesn’t spread, but it’s still not safe to get too close. They now take the lead, flying ahead, further in. More memories arise of a location supposedly from an early dream of the night, also with fire - but we’re going to put that out, and that will also make one of the larger ones in the area we passed go out. This is how it has to be, I recall - they need to be the ones to do it. By the time I land, they’ve already put it out. The air is smoky now, and I’m concerned for one of the cats, T, who is now there as well.

20.8.24


I’m walking along the streets of a city at night. My long-haired Manx cat, C, is with me, keeping pace but exploring on her own as well. There are other cats around, and even a dog, so I’m keeping a close eye on her as we go.

Inside the building that’s my destination, I start to realize I’m dreaming, and I can do whatever I want (continuing from a dream even earlier in the night where I became aware but awoke soon after.) I head back out, going through a hallway. At a doorway, I pass a large Black man in a suit - he registers to me as some kind of security guard. We non-verbally acknowledge each other as I pass. Another guard stands by the door leading outside - but I decide to go up instead. It occurs to me - not fully consciously, probably at least partly because this is still a dream from early in the night - that I’m in a state of natural creativity, and so I start to hum/sing, letting the music spontaneously take shape. It’s partway between imagining it and hearing it performed - although it’s mostly instrumental, and I’m aware of the filter automation and gating that are expressed symbolically in my inflections.

Outside, it’s dark, as before, but well-lit. I’m in a plaza with a fountain in the center, and nobody else seems to be around. Where to go? Maybe to the top of the clock tower some distance away. I fly upwards, but gaining height feels too slow. I experiment with pushing off with one leg at a time as if there was something solid under me to “jump” upwards. It seems to work well.

As I rise, I notice a tall, narrow cliff ahead of me, going up even higher. Where is it leading? It seems to be narrowing out to a point towards the direction I came from. I change my mind - I’ll go there instead. I’m curious to see what might be at the very top. I turn around and rise still further until I’m hovering a little above it, almost climbing it, and then I’m at the summit. There’s nothing there, actually. How anticlimactic. The dream seems to be unstable now, and I know I have to keep moving, so I fly away, towards other spaces, but it still turns into another nonlucid dream not long afterwards.

1.9.24

I'm travelling through the Underground with my boyfriend (?). We cross a metallic grey, wide passage, leading from a tunnel to the escalators. White lights beam down from the ceiling and reflect off the walls. I walk behind him as we step onto the escalator. His broad back in front of me makes me feel safe.

Later, I am with some friends, still in the same Underground station. We step off and escalator and walk through a short tunnel towards the platform entrance. I get a shock as we enter - almost the whole platform has crumbled away, leaving narrow irregular ledges that cling to the wall, bricks sticking out here and there below. We hold close to the wall as we inch along the platform, finding our footing with difficulty. I'm terrified of falling onto the tracks.

Then I am in class, but not in a classroom. There's another, similarly dilapidated platform that we are inching along, murky water lapping almost up to the edge. I reach an unstable part with nowhere to place my feet - the next ledge is too far of a leap, and I know that the nearest foothold won't hold me. It's too small. I can't bear the thought of touching that water, so I crouch down against the wall in despair and refuse to move.

From a station somewhat close to my house (about 20 mins on foot) I take a train to see my friend. The platform extends out from under a tunnel of square white arches, and it's bright with daylight, but everything seems to get darker and narrower once I step onto the train and the doors close.

I get off at 'Westminster' after a half-hour ride*. Her house isn't far - next thing I'm there. It's much larger than her real house. She opens a huge black front door to let me in and we walk through a long, high hallway to the kitchen and dining room at the end. After a bit of chatter I open the fridge as if it's my house and rummage through to see what we could have for dinner. Chicken and chips, I suggest - and ice cream. 'Ice cream?' she repeats sceptically. 'Well,' I reply, a little embarrassed, 'I guess we don't need that.'

We make dinner and proceed with plates down another long, white corridor, into a vast and bare living room. The ceiling is double height and the walls are panelled and painted white. There is a white sofa in the middle of the room and a TV against the opposite wall. (Seriously this is all - IRL her house is a MESS) We settle down to watch together, chatting meanwhile.

I can't remember our conversation, though I recall it was interesting. Later, I leave, heading through yet another winding corridor through this maze of a house back to the front door (now, it's white). She unlatches the door and pulls it open for me as I step out into the dark chill night. I take the train home again - it's dark and eerily quiet - and finally shut my own front door behind me with a sigh.

I remember, later on, my mum appearing to rant at me about how I can't just keep coming and going from my friend's house every week. I ignore her.

*This is not where she lives, nor can you get there from the station where I was - besides, I always walk to her house.

I'm climbing a staircase - I quickly realise that I'm in my primary school. The steps are smooth, angular concrete, and so are the walls - I remember that in reality, they were brick walls painted white. There is no artwork on the walls as I climb; the stairwell is cold and empty and my footsteps echo off the walls. It rises up a great shaft through the square school building.

I step onto a landing and turn to a set of grey double doors with small windows, to the nursery. They have no frame and are flush with the wall. I push open the doors and enter the nursery. Straight inside the door is a narrow hallway, the staff bend over tables on both sides of the wall. The space feels narrow, crowded and chaotic. I make my way through them and the hall opens into a much wider, clearer room, lit up brilliantly from all over. Half-height bookshelves double as partitions between different areas of the room, coloured beanbags are scattered about and children mill throughout the room. I'm not sure if I'm one of the children or not.

At the back of the room is a wall of narrow cubbyholes. I search for mine; I know whereabouts it is, but someone has let their coat hang out of their cubby so that it covers mine. I fumble around for a bit before finding my cubbyhole, only to discover someone else's stuff inside. I pull it out: it's a black drawstring bag, almost empty so that the fabric sags when I pick it up. I'm wondering what to do with this when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn around. The girl standing behind me is someone who went to my school, but left before Sixth Form. We used to chat from time to time. "Sorry," she says, "that's mine - I'll take it. I just left it there for a moment." I hand her the bag and notice that her hair is darker and shorter than I remember it. "Did you get a haircut?" I ask. When she fully turns to face me I'm stunned to see that there's nothing left of her hair but sparse, thin and wispy curled strands; I can see clearly her near-bald scalp. I know she sees the shock in my eyes as she looks away with a regretful smile. She tells me that she was diagnosed with lymphoma ("lymphomatic") recently and is being treated. I don't know what to say. A crowd throngs around us of girls trying to collect their belongings.

I leave the nursery. As the doors fall closed behind me, something compels me to open them and look inside once more. Every teacher in the hallway snaps their head towards me, terror in their eyes. Each wears a plain dress, a crisp white apron and a cloth bonnet, and they bend over to tend to babies wriggling and squirming on the tables. Left speechless by their reaction, I slowly close the doors again and leave.

Then I am on the train, going home. It's cramped and I am squished against the wall of the carriage, arms clutched to my chest. The light down here is cold and dim, occasionally flickering. The train rattles as it rushes through the tunnel. I feel tired of the monotony, my eyelids flutter.

Soon I am walking down the high street away from my station. I compulsively check my belongings; touch my backpack strap, check. Feel my coat over my arm, check. Then I feel around under the coat and on my shoulder, but I can't find the tote bag that I always carry. At the realisation adrenaline bolts through my body and I almost feel sick. Where is it? At school? Then I have to go back. My wallet, phone and keys are in there, not to mention library books. What a pain... I'm already dreading the thought of getting back on that train.

As I'm figuring out what to do I clench my left hand and feel the resistance of something hard. It's my phone. That should be in my other bag, and it's here - but the bag isn't. All these different trains of thought and lines of reason swirl into a whirlwind of confusion. I stand stock-still in the middle of the pavement, mind racing as I begin to feel worse and worse.

Ugh I am not having a great time on the site recently... Every time I visit I get to spend much more than a few seconds 'verifying you are human' which then repeats itself after a few minutes and in the process logs me out and deletes the DJ I am editing. Drives me mad!

Long dream this time!

Last time sleeping in my apartment in Berlin, moving out today.

Kept having the same dream about turning in my keys and catching the train home before waking up every ten minutes, except each dream the locations looked differently, sometimes I'd miss the train, or a woman being an imaginary family member of my mom's side would show up.

I'm so annoyed with myself! I remembered this whole dream when I woke up (at 4:20) but I didn't write it down immediately because I was tired. It was really interesting, too. Now I only remember this fragment. This reminds me strongly of another dream which I never wrote down, I can't remember when it was but it was at least a couple months ago.

I'm travelling on the underground trains, but my train is stopped for some reason so I exit. I remember standing in a wide square above ground. The ground is covered with yellow gravel and the sky above is clear and bright. I stand in front of a blocky stone monument, a large slab with words carved into them. I don't think I bothered to read them.

I read about some artwork in two train stations and I want to go and see it. An artist carved messages into the platform walls, criticising two different British prime ministers. After waking up I felt like they were Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher - but surely not... That would be funny. I take the train once again and get off at the station where the first one is. The platform is wide and its wall is rough-textured, as though there is a thick layer of cement on the outside.

However upon arriving I am shocked to see the artwork almost completely gone. At the near end of the platform the beginning of one line of text is carved into the wall. At the far end finish two or three lines. Between is a smooth blank expanse of dark grey cement. I know that text once covered the lower part of this wall, but it seems to have been erased - smoothed over without leaving a trace.

I suppose that because Tony Blair (why not) became Prime Minister after all, he had the work removed to avoid damage to his reputation. This thought weighs on me. The idea of political censorship leaves a bad taste in my mouth. On the platform, the next station is Victoria.

On the street doing something. There is a shootout. People get killed. Some chasing going on? Later, there are monuments on the street where people had been killed...On a train. My friend M- is there. My mother thinks she has caught M trying to con me, and is being spiteful toward her. I get off of the train somewhere, then realize I left a bag on board. I retrieve my bag.

Something going on at Church?

6.2.2023

Conference Lucid, and some progress with the blackout

I don’t know if all of the following was the same dream, but it seems to make sense to arrange it as such and in the following order:

There is a girl that someone wants to meet again. He walks through a train, looking for her. He finds her on the last car of a train. A piano player is there too. The last car seems to be where poor people sit. He looks at the girl, sitting in the corner. She kind of smiles and shakes her head at him (or something). He’s not sure what she means by this...

Somewhere – in a hotel maybe. There is a conference going on that I’m supposed to be at. I calculate in my mind what time I need to leave to be there on time, and decide that I would need to leave by 10:00. I look at the clock to see how long I have, and it looks like it is just about 10:00 now. I rush out, I think to catch a train...

...I’m a bit fuzzy about whether the conference starts in an hour at 11:00 or in a couple of hours. I could walk back to the conference center, but there is also a train that I could take. I discuss the merits of each with someone (my mother?). This has to do with dining, it seems. There is a restaurant along the way if I walk. Mom and I in store dream here? I decide to take the train. I arrive at the conference center, several hours early it turns out. I wonder to myself what I’m going to do for the next couple of hours. I go into a restroom. It’s fairly nice, but it’s one of those dream restrooms where there isn’t much privacy. No doors on stalls, etc. Also, there are one or two women in there. I chuckle to myself over this, because it’s like one of my dream restrooms. Then I decide to do a reality check, and become lucid. I think the dream starts to fade...

...At some point I seem to be in this conference center (I think, though I’m not sure). I go walking down a walkway, where girls seem to be hanging out. It’s a nice place to meet girls, but I don’t think I’m really there to do that. I turn around and head back the way I came. There is a set of double doors to my left that have the name of some superhero on them (Spider Man, Iron Man, The Hulk, or someone)...

...Still at the conference center, not lucid. Walking around, I notice how unfamiliar and almost “dream-like” things seem. I decide to do a nose pinch RC, and find that I can still breathe. Becoming convinced that this is a dream, I inhale deeply with my nose still pinched. I can see a lady from my church nearby. I become lucid. For some reason, I start reciting poetry – Eldorado, by Edgar Allen Poe. This might be a means of stabilizing the dream, or maybe just something I find to be fun at the moment. I might get up onto a table and pace around while talking. The dream begins to fade, but I have been starting to suspect that this tendency to “wake up” soon after becoming lucid might be false awakenings caused by expecting to wake up, so I hang on. The imagery comes back! I think about the competition, and try to remember what I’m supposed to do. Flying was one thing, so I try to levitate. It’s a bit difficult, but I manage to float up a few feet. I get stuck at the ceiling, having trouble breaking through. I float around a bit before losing the dream, or else I don’t remember what happened after this.

...Coming back from somewhere. The conference above? I’m sitting in a vehicle, and I see what appears to be the guy driving now standing outside the car talking to someone else. As he’s talking, he starts singing a song (I think it’s the song “Tell me Why”). There are two homeless people standing there, and they sing along. We continue on our drive, and talk about how talented those people were and how the talent should be appreciated. Then we try to drive up a steep set of wooden stairs. They’re a bit rickety. We get stuck, and need to get out to push. I need to put on my shoes first though. I get out, and sit in the car and/or lean against the car to put them on. Someone gets out from the front seat, and has to put on his shoes as well.


Girl Moves In, and the Toaster Oven

Cooking something in a toaster oven. It’s a rolled up thing of some kind. There are two toaster ovens to choose from – a high powered one and a lower powered on. I decide to use the lower powered one. One of the girls from the apartment next to me has moved into my apartment, and I think since someone else is living in the apartment I should put the smoke detector back on the wall where it was (I had put it in a drawer in the bathroom, because it kept going off when I was cooking). I bring smoke detector back out, but then I see that the thing in the toaster oven is putting off smoke. I think I end up putting the smoke detector on the couch and cover it with a sheet, hoping it won’t go off...Someone shows up and talks about mowing that needs to be done “in Germany”. I offer to do it, and they agree. “Germany” seems to just be a neighborhood in town.

"Pruners" and the Snakes

People from the Cru campus ministry. R- is one of them. I had put up signs a while back (in the dream) advertising that I was interested in a ministry called “Plums”, or “Prunes”, or something like that. R- is interested in this, and it turns out that – unbeknownst to me – “Prunes” had to do with acting (I’m not an actor). She is excited to think that I am a “Pruner”, or “Plumer” or some title related to the word. We go up some stairs, I think. There is a snake involved in some way...This might flow into the following:...Some people are in a shooting game, or movie perhaps. They might be soldiers. The are in a dry, dusty place, going around a large hill on a road. They notice something moving a little ways off, and it turns out that there are very large snakes threatening them in some way. They shoot at the snakes...

Singing Game

My Mom and brother are talking and playing a game. I feel like my brother isn’t paying attention when I talk, and just talks over me. This annoys me, but I also feel that it would be wrong of me to just keep on talking and try to drown him out (this occasionally happens in dreams, and I get angry, but this time I make the conscious effort to show Christ-like humility). I also feel left out of the game. I join in the game anyway – it involves picking up tiles along with singing - I sing “It’s a Grand Old Flag”, or something, picking up tiles with pictures of flags and such as I come to the words in the song. One of the words has to do with the word “heart” (maybe it was the “emblem of the land I love” part) and I look for a heart tile. This is a little challenging, and I keep seeing red shapes that sort of look like hearts but might not be.

Big Dog Station
I'm in an airport waiting area. I'm on international travel but I don't know where to. There are some big dogs in the area. I think that S would be happy to see them. One is a big poodle-looking black dog. I also see a big long-haired german shepherd looking one. I'm talking to my brother on the phone, and he is responsible for my bag being missing. I'm upset with him because he made the decision to leave it behind so that I could make my flight. I tell him that there are things I need in the bag, like my $300 headphones and work ID.

Fragment
I have vague recollection of a smokey-train station as well. Most likely connected to the above dream about travel.

My school has their introduction camp and we all go to this old cinema buliding where we all get a room to prepare our bags. I'm late and hear the glockenspiel already that's announcing the bus taking off. As I go downstairs to my room to pack my bag I see two girls from high school also still downstairs and I'm relieved I'm not the only late person.

I go upstairs and the bus is about to take off, we go to this fictional place in Noord Holland which has the same name as a chat term we use at work so I can't write it here. Apparently I was the guide at the introduction camp of the new theatre school students but I end up leaving earlier.

I then work at a Nike store owned by an elderly couple, I want to take over their store which is only possible if they get a divorce. I go to the bathroom, which is apparently at the entrance of the store, but actually in the open instead of a private room. As I prepare for the shower, a popular lightskin dude comes and films me and turns showering into a music video while his fanbase was watching through the windows.

They finally finish and leave, I turn down the blinds and curtains so the I can shower for real, a desperate customer tries to enter as I hold the door closed. I notice a bunch of customers still needing to leave, the elderly couple walks along them, telling me they got the divorce and I now own the store..

Sitting in the train on my way to a new job, I think about the fact that the elderly couple divorced because of me and I pretty much just ruined their lives. I check Google Maps but the layers are 3D and the route's height updates as well. I then wake up and hear my alarm clock.

Dream was in Dutch up until the Nike store when it became English.

I sat in a Dutch train while complaining about remakes of movies, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for example, but the idea of Zoey 101 and Victorious remake or a shot-by-shot, movement by movement remake of Iron Man (which I haven't seen) with an Iron Woman instead.

The train kept randomly stopping and the announcer said that it might take three hours instead of the normal 30 minutes. I was getting claustrophobic feelings because you couldn't exit the train and every random moment the train stopped riding it felt like it was standing still for longer. To the point I started to get worried it will get hit by other trains on the same track. I started figuring out ways to leave the train.

There was a man doing announcements in the train who looked like a Somalian comedian from Instagram, we joked that it was his voice that brought bad luck.

Luckily I woke up!

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With my parents, but in a totally diferent reality and time. it looks like the middle ages and our life is not so good. I have told them that I want to live independently and depart from their home. Apparently I had planned to sail away in a raft and it took time for them to accept the idea. Then one day, it's them who tell me I must leave for good, I guess they're upset with my choices. But it's almost night and I realize I will spend my first hours of sailing across the sea in the total darkness of the night and then I realize I did not think this through. I realize I will probably die alone and agonizing and don't know why I didn't consider all that beforehand. So I do leave, but I don't take the raft, instead I go to the docks and enlist with the crew of a big ship that is hiring staff. I go as a maid, to serve food and drinks to men. It is a dangerous position, but the owner and captain of the boat, a rich spoiled kid, fancies me and so he offers me protection. Later on he decides he wants to marry me, which I accept, expecting my life to turn around, because he is much more wealthy. And it does go according to expected, but he is also an abusive jerk who makes my life a living hell. If I run away, I'll have nothing again, so I keep delaying the decision. Thanks to my position as a wife of a rich man, I got to know a princess that is also miserable in her life. Her husband is also a piece of shit. One day, everybody is gossiping about the domestic violence that goes on in the palace, because everyone can hear her screams and desperate cries coming from a tower of the palace. I get closer to try to check up on her and I get to see her yelling at her husband because of some infidelity, I suppose. She seems to be over it for good. I make plans to meet her secretly and convince her to leave with me. At least she has easy access to jewels and money, which can make it easier for both of us and allows to start a new life somewhere else.

Then we are on the run and find a place where we try to blend in and be accepted. I get a job but it is not going well. At the same time I want to embrace my real self and I decide to change gender. I start taking male hormones and with time my features change a little, my voice gets thicker and I am pleased with the changes. My friend/partner asks me something about my lady parts and I mention they are a bit different too and my boobs smaller, but for now pretty much I am still female underneath and plan to stay so for the moment.
Then for some reason I am meeting back with my parents, who already know of my transition and accept it well. But my paternal uncles and aunts are also there (actually the real ones I have IRL, even the deceased ones) and I am afraid of their reaction. Strangely, they all react very naturally, congratulate me for being so brave and ask me if I always wanted it. They sound all very respefcful except for a moment I hear one of them ask my parents about the size of my new dick (which I don't have) and because of a misunderstanding of a gesture my dad makes, they all end up laughing because it is interpreted as if I had a penis the length of my leg. I am really surprised that besides that, they are being very understanding and suportive. Bu then my mom calls me to the side and tells me not to trust my aunt Maria da Luz because she is pretending to be so accepting, but secretly calling it a demonic thing and praying for it to go away.

With Riverstone and NightHawk and I am feeling some pain so NightHawk offers to massage my legs and arms as I sit on something. I am surprised but glad with the offer. He is very gentle and I am melting away with his touch. Riverstone is getting a bit jealous, but I don't care. I caress back when our hands touch and then something weird happens, like one of his arms stretch like a tentacle and goes between my legs, under my butt and reaches my back and somehow he massages my back while I am feeling aroused by his tentacle-arm between my legs.

I am on a train, like the movie Snowpiercer. I am trying to reach some wagon in the front of the train without being noticed by the dwellers on other wagons. Not an easy task and I am trying to do it by swinging on the outside using a rope. But at some point I really need to go through some wagons, so I infiltrate and try to blend in. There is one guy though, who knows me from school when we were young, he recognizes me when I come inside and knows that I am up to no good. I don't know what he is going to do, so I sit in a seat and wait for him to approach me. He does and he puts his hand on my leg, harassing me and making threats that he'll denounce me if I don't obey him. But I don't. Someone enters or exits the wagon and I use the opportunity to push myself into the next one. There everyone is partying and it's noisy and strobe lights flashing, so I feel it is easier to disappear in the crowd, but everyone is acting like zombies and just moving the least possible, while walking in a circle around the wagon. I join in to blend in but then I see an open passage to the next wagon, where the party continues but people look a bit more normal. The music is hypnotic and takes the best of me. I start dancing like crazy, doing really weird creepy moves, like I am possessed or a true zombie from the Thriller videoclip. Instead of going unnoticed, everybody is staring at me as they've never seen anything like it. But they all look mesmerized. Then I take it up a notch and add some extremely sexy moves and the result is like I just showed a piece of meat to a pack of angry wolves. Both men and women look at me as if they want to eat me with sheer lust for me. When the music stops they are literally like "she's mine! she's mine!" and they all chase me. I escape to the next wagon and it is their sleeping areas, with many rooms along a corridor. I hide in one of them that seems to be full of children in bunkbeds. One of the girls wakes up and is scared and wants to call for help, but I tell her it's ok, that I am hiding from actual bad people out there. She believes me and she calms down. Then from the darkness comes a big black wolf with red eyes. Not a stranger demon though. I know him and he knows me. His intentions could be to help me or harm me. At first I am scared because he looks at me like "well, well, look who we have here?" as he starts walking slowly towards me and corners me against the wall. I have nothing with me that I can use as a weapon and I know I'll be dead if he attacks me. But he doesn't harm me. Instead he is determined to help, so he takes my side by side and we tell the kids not to be afraid as we prepare to face the mob of attackers chasing me.

I have a very mildly recurring type of dreams
its always about a train trip to somewhere
the first ones were ok, nothing really unusual
I saw some plains, steppes, it was nice

This time it was different
I was going to Vienna for some reason, some kind of event idk
but I didnt book at any hotel , so I thought I'll have to survive on the streets for like few days
anyways I got on
it turned into something like a rollercoaster but with trains
there were jumps and hoops sometimes
one particular case I remember was that the train went under a bridge
made a jump the an ollie, the whole train was gliding on the tracks sideways
then went back to normal
I was really scared for a moment
the train conductor didnt even flinch, like if that's a normal part of a train trip

9th April 2022

9:30-9:45
Dream (disjointed):

I'm in a little town-ish area. Flat with a few green spaces. It seems clear or sunny but dim too somehow, like nearing the end of the day, though not colour-wise? I go towards a small building thing. It's supposed to be like a little kiosk but for McDonald's, these two things don't really seem related, almost. I pick up some order from a young woman, reminds me of A, H's sister. My order is in a big but strong brown paper bag and I check it over quickly.

It all seems fine and I have awareness of having ordered a few happy meals menus. I walk away from the building with the bag, towards some stone stairs bit. Here, there's some dream-generated or popular character, and sibling T. They're sitting and we are about to start getting things out of the bag so we can eat here, but I suggest we should go up the steps instead and eat at one of the white tables up there. We go to the tables and they sit down. I open the bag now and get everything out. However, there's only 1 menu, which T takes.

I feel confused, and then annoyed, asking him why he didn't order menus for everyone (implied to have been the point) and as he eats a bagel from his menu, he looks at me and does that smug shrug. I feel annoyed and go back down the steps and to that kiosk building. I get annoyed once more, as the woman has shut the shutters to the shop and is probably gone by now too. In my head, I think something about it being 3PM. I open the door to the building, and inside it looks like old home, the downstairs kitchen. There's a pressure cooker on top of the hob and I open it, finding nothing inside despite some expectation otherwise.

I feel generally disappointed and annoyed. (Rest of recall for this part was lost)

(recall gap, a late part of the dream?)

I'm in a street and sitting down, talking to an unshaven Irish man (strong accent). He's a train conductor, and I'm being informally interviewed to determine whether I'm a suitable passenger for the city train he drives. I see the train in the background, we're sort of on a platform for it and there are people waiting inside the train. The Irish man is Catholic and as he's smoking a cigarette, he remarks something like "... thank God I don't follow it all to the letter."

I mention my own Catholic upbringing and he seems to quietly appreciate this. When he asks about my general behaviour, I also tell him I won't be misbehaving or loud or anything like that, and that I tend to be quiet and out of the way in general. After a bit more talking and some other questions I can't recall, he then seems satisfied with me and I can now be a passenger on his trains. I get in and there's something about seat assignment that should be happening, but because I'm new there is no seat assigned to me yet. Then, I have some discussion with the driver about this, while the train goes into a subterranean area.

He says something about refitting or remodelling the train in a few stops/minutes. Some man gets annoyed with the driver as he overhears this. The man says that he's late as is and can't wait that long. Then, something about disembarking with most other passengers. The conductor is down on the floor?

(recall gap, unknown chronology)

Something about a cyber man and cyber woman. They have a discussion about some memory. A third and younger cyber man checks his own memory for the event in question and confirms witnessing the details as relayed by the older man. The woman was lying, apparently. It was something about a loom of wires, part of an arm, and how it had been lifted. (?)

(recall gap, unknown time again)

Walking in a town, overcast. My hands feel very noticeably calloused and/or rough and I think to myself that it's the tenth day or something. I think that they're almost done forming the needed callus.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

On the backstage of - I think - Jimmy Kimmel's show. There is a giant water tank on stage for some reason and Jimmy is inside fully dressed doing some stunt. At some point I feel like he is in distress, so I knock on the glass just to check. All is fine and when it is over, I see the staff putting away all the wet accessories and then I meet Jon Stewart, who is also around for some reason. He joins me and comes to my mom's house to stay for a day, sort of a prize I got at the show, not sure. Strangely, he straight away sits topless on the sofa. I always found him hot, despite just being an ordinary looking dude, so I find myself massaging and caressing him. At first, I feel like it is consensual - after all, he got naked - but then he looks awkward and tells me not to touch his nipples or hair and just keep it professional. I am confused but I say ok and offer him just a shoulder massage. Then I stop, because I still feel him uncomfortable and I also feel uncomfortable and I say we can just talk. I start asking if he ever visited Portugal before. He says no and asks if there are beaches nearby. I say not really, but for some reason I can see Setúbal from my mom's window and tell him actually on that town, there is a really nice beach and we can go there if he wants. He likes the idea and we hop on a train to get there. My mom and some other girl also join. During the travel, Jon disappears and now I am only with the two ladies. The ticket controller comes by and the girl has no ticket and I realize none of us do. She makes up some bad excuse that will make us look even worse. The controller says immediately he will have to fine her. I think we need to get out right now discreetly and we need a distraction maneuver. So I spot this cranky old lady wailing insults at a poor black woman sitting nearby. I get up and spread some jam (that I just happen to have) all over her face, telling her she is a racist pig and to shut up. She is in shock and intensifies her slurs. She says blacks are all criminals and disgusting and she is not sorry. I slap her around, I am really pissed off and try to reason with her, but she shows no desire to be reasonable and just intensifies the hate. Meanwhile I think the controller disappeared but probably because he went to call the police or security, se we need to leave asap.

Back at my mom's house, in my old bedroom. I find some ugly scary bug inside my wardrobe. Then I spot a few centipedes on the bottom of it, then lots of ants and finally notice that all hanged clothes are covered in flying ants. I go open the window, to try to release all the flying bugs, but first I check for any cats laying around and take them outside the bedroom for safety reasons. But then outside, I notice there is some construction work in my mom's bathroom and the workers also keep the window open. I freak out (it's a 4th floor), so I come up with some kind of barrier that allows air circulation but stops cats from going there and falling. Then the house is now like and old gigantic palace with abandoned furniture. Some dude from the workers finds a dog nursing puppies under a dresser and believes one of the puppies is dead. So he picks him up and throws him away to a pile of trash. But the puppy is alive and hurt. I take him to vet. The vet also throws him against the floor a bunch of times. I am horrified and I yell at him, but each time the puppy gets thrown, he actually seems to become better, more awake and transforming into something else. The last time the man does it, he turns into a kookaburra.

Again at the old palace, back when it was alive. I am a servant and I live in the servant's area. Everyone else is away, masters and servants alike and I am the only one around. I am at the kitchen doing some chores when two guys break in. One of them is my old colleague from school in RL, Zé Francisco, accompanied by a shorter chunkier guy who looks like his own servant, but he is no lord or gentleman, they are bandits looking for an opportunity to rob some stuff. When Zé sees me, he recognizes me and I see in his eyes that he wants me and he will rape me. At first I panic, but then I think I was always strangely attracted to him, so it becomes a consensual thing. I lead him to a room and we are getting on, but it takes ages to undress. The skirt and petticoat and corset, so many things to remove. Meanwhile he transforms into someone else and he complains that I am fat and I smell, so the mood is ruined.

Now I am a single mother living in a favela. Some gang members are looking for me, so I hide at some friend's place with my kid. They find me, but fortunately when they arrive, I am in a back room and hide before they see me. My kid is with me and I tell him we are playing a very serious game in which he can't talk no matter what. He is a toddler and doesn't really understand there is danger, so at some point he escapes from me and dwells into the front room where the bad guys are, but they don't know whose child he is and my friends make up some excuse. The kid keeps going to whatever destination he has in mind and never ever says a word, even when they ask him something, so they assume he is mute and let him go.