I died. I don't know how, I don't know why. I just knew that. I found myself hovering in void. A few hundred of metres away there was other man hovering. It was absolute darkness there. I felt that I'm stuck there. It didn't matter to me. I observed my surrounding... unattached observer. No will, no want, no need of anything... Then I saw that that man started to glow stronger and stronger until he dissolved in blinding white light. I remained there alone, not that it mattered anything to myself. But I started to be curious- what happened? And I got answer. That man started to show humility. He was taken away. The place where we were was purgatory. And I felt that I have to do the same to be taken too. So I tried. And I failed. And I failed again. And I asked- how can I feel humility, when I feel nothing at all? When I feel total peace? No answer. But I started to feel inadequate. With that I started to feel many different emotions... the peace I was in was taking cracks. But I observed it and concentrated on countermeasures till I was again in total peace and timelessness. I felt that I do right thing. I can't be dependant of outside forces, it is way of slavery... I concentrated... on transfer... Actinic flash and I vanished. Remarks The consciousness was really strong in this dream, much, much stronger than in waking life. Although I didn't know that it was only a dream. Therefore I marked this as nonlucid dream even if level of lucidity was so strong. This dream got me thinking about my life philosophy. I deviated from what I learned from my parents... we are roman catholics... But I took quite different philosophy as time went... my experiences are stronger than any books or speeches of priests... It got me thinking whether my way is right. Whether I'm not lead by other, darker forces. Away from "god". I was unable to feel regret... I felt regret that I can't feel regret for a short time until I found what I do. But that doesn't feel right in light of what I learned from my parents. On other side... what is right and what is wrong... I need to research this in fullness, in changed state of consciousness. I had this dream probably because of discussion I had at previous dream.
Morning of April 3, 1982. Saturday. I am in La Crosse, Wisconsin on the south side of town and west of the main library. There are a number of other people around, mostly unknown. There is a tornado coming in our direction (from the southwest), or so it seems for several minutes. I can hear the train-like rumbling sounds (like with a real tornado but which may be caused by real environmental noise such as louder traffic while sleeping). I am with some friends and we and the other people are eventually running everywhere, though mostly north. All of a sudden, there is a strange screeching sound (again, possibly caused by real-life environmental sounds intruding into my dream without waking me, such as a vehicle’s brakes squealing). We look back and it turns out to have been an enormous caterpillar spinning a cocoon and was not a tornado. Everything is quiet now that the caterpillar has entered this stage and is vertically oriented within the giant cocoon, apparently sleeping and not threatening in any way. Additionally, I get the impression that it was not actually chasing us. We just happened to originally be in the area it was coincidentally moving towards during the faux chase. Eventually, I become semi-lucid and personally indulge in sensual pleasures in an offset scenario until I choose to wake. Resupplemented for a clearer and more detailed explanation on Saturday, 2 December 2017. There are really two levels to this dream, a natural (biological) ordinary meaning and a spiritual meaning if one is so inclined. On the natural level, a tornado is a factor of RAS and inner ear dynamics as precursory waking symbolism, an extreme augmentation analogous to potential dizziness in real life. In this case, that aspect is validated by a second inner ear dynamic, the potential butterfly flight symbol, which is “frozen” and thus as a result, triggering lucidity against the subdued RAS factor (similar to the “frozen” bird silhouettes in more recent apex lucidity dreams). On one level of course, this dream was at least partly influenced by “Mothra” (a 1961 movie). Spiritually, tornadoes represent the powerful bottom half of the Merkaba (even in my earliest childhood dreams) and, due to the “raw force” of a tornado, relate to personal dream state alchemy. (In certain trance states of deep meditation, I vividly experience the Merkaba by touching my wife Zsuzsanna on the shoulder, the Merkaba of which appears as two blue tornadoes uniting, rotating in opposite directions, with extraordinarily vivid impressions which I can only describe as seeing hundreds of different wedding ceremonies of different cultures and eras.) The transition from tornado to caterpillar-in-cocoon implies a waiting stage prior to changing into a butterfly (a type of personal ascension or implying the state of readiness for meeting my “dream girl” in real life). Susan R (the only person other than Zsuzsanna of whom I could ever sense as existing on other levels) and Zsuzsanna (before I knew she was a real person) drew identical vertically-oriented anthropomorphic caterpillars in a top hat (as if one had been traced over the other with even the same stray line) as a part of an otherwise dissimilar story. (One of my relatives was scared and angered by seeing this as most ordinary people do not like the unexplained, though over time, changed their way of thinking and was eventually glad I had found my “dream girl” after so many precise clues over so many years.) “The caterpillar makes an appearance in a few other places outside ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, such as 'American McGee’s Alice’ and the novel 'The Looking-Glass Wars’; in both of these spin-offs he plays the role of an oracle.”
Updated 12-02-2017 at 01:10 PM by 1390
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