Lichi

I woke up at 10:15 (slept late at night). Im writing the dream a day later. I get a feeling of remembering the dream but... i don't.

I dream with German and subways.
My father says something, like claiming or complaining, and i know it's not.
I go in subways escaping exiled. I don't get recognized.
My physics-chemistry teacher of Highschool is on a trial on internet. (Like a new trial system)
I get down at Hogwarts, in summer.
I search for a girl from school that i haven't seen for a while Paula B. I don't know why. I see classmates from my first school: Triana and Mara. We were kids in the dream.

13:34

There was a porcupin and three restaurants in the countryside. He touches my leg and i feel it, but he didn't mean any harm. Anyways i stepped back. It was a vivid part of the dream that involved the sense of touch. If i had been more aware i would have been lucid. I was on a facility. There was a kitchen and a window where i could see a bread on the other side. There were 2 men working there. After i go to buy some fruits next door. I pick up some mandarins and 2 mangos. I was about to give $100 (local currency) but before i give i get $150 back. I said to the man "it makes no sense, im not supposed to be given this". He made the calculations again and was about to give something again, but i haven't give anything to him, and already taken some fruits! Besides he didn't owe me anything. Then the woman that usually is in the cashier comes and says to me "take it, it is yours, it corresponds to you" or something similar. Like i was being the one in fault. So i took it but i shouldn't have, because afterwards i thought it was stealing (anyways my thought was to later come back, when they were clearer with their minds and give back the money). Oh, also im given some gold ingot and a thin bar. It was for poker the man said (it was a combination of two staff members here on DVs). Also he invited me to his house someday, and he said he would cook spicy (probably because i don't eat with salt and he thought that it needs to be replaced by some other thing). Ok i say... not knowing when i was going to go. So he then invites about 4 or 5 more guys. Then i left. I enter a temple, shaolin and Fran E was there. There was a guy that was bullying him asking of what year was the coin he had. I grabbed this guy by the neck and later all his bullying stopped. I just grabbed him, didn't hit him. Then i enter the temple (the before thing was outside). And Fran was messing or playing with electricity. He also bothered me, like a fly would bother. I knew i didn't have to pay attention, nor think about it. But then i hear a song "Even Flow" in the dream and i wake up. It was not evident that the this song was being played, but i heard it afterwards. It was on the third floor.

I went to sleep at about 4am. Emi came to sleep home with Eri and they talked to about that hour. Im writing a day later, so... i don't remember very well the dreams. I will highlight what i remember well. The other things are things i wrote in my DJ.

- I dream being in a forest or somewhere spatious (meaning no buildings. Also could have been a town). I was with my father and (my deceased (2 years)) dog in a car. My father went there to leave the dog free. He said to me that that was the idea. [Interpretation: why to let him free? He was bothersome, but we wouldn't let him free for that, never. Once my father let go a dog because it had bited my sister when she was little. But even then he regreted it. However the reason why we let him go (i didn't know until the last moment) was because an animal should be free. Yesterday when i was walking i saw some caged birds and thought about this. I remember that i had a bird, and my sister one day dropped the cage and he was free. I was upset because it was given to me as a gift, but at the same time i was happy because he was free. That kind of thought i had when my father said to me in this dream he wanted to set free the dog. Also he not only gives freedom to the dog, but also to himself. (The main drawback would be where he would get food from... but i thought he would learn, and he would feel good not to feel imprisioned. Probably not at first, but after some time yes.)] My father was wearing the same tshirt i was wearing that day. I didn't interpret that as dream sign, so it remained as non-lucid.

I got up went to bathroom, and went back to bed. Then woke up at 12:

I was on a building and went outside to the streets. There was like a revolution going on. I was walking and my younger sister walked besides me. Then i saw Mike, the librarian, he wanted to vaccinate me. He was acting like ... if he was vaccinated and goodbye mike and welcome alien or something like that (like one would see in a movie). So he was about to stitch me with the syringe but i said not a chance in earth. I grabbed his arm and hand and pointed the syringe to his other hand. Then it made contact with his skin and i pressed down. I didn't feel good doing that, or having that reaction (it's like killing someone for defending oneself. One could react like that, but it probably won't feel emotionally good afterwards. The same with this case). But even though i did that i knew i wasn't going to escape because there were so many people already vaccinated, and they would try to vaccinate others, and these others were few (the only chance would be to escape, flying or something like that, or...). I saw my grandmother right next to mike, and while i was doing that she stitched me with a syringe and said to Mike "it's done". (Why people do that? I thought. They think they do something good while they are not.) Anyways i wasn't vaxxinated, just a stitch with the syringe, which even that would do. So i kept walking with them, and i explained my sister that i didn't want to because the vaccines have blood, poison and things like that. Then i focused on myself, that i would have to be aware of the whole process, since i could transform or whatever but still be in charge. However i didn't feel any changes, and i thought that there was a probability for me to be immune.

I went to bed at 2:30. Fell asleep at 3:30 more or less. Woke up at 7:30 and recalled some dreams:

I dreamt being in the house of my grandfather. I was with my grandmother and my sister Sofia. We were conversating, i was about to leave. Suddenly we hear a noise... that came from my stomach. It sounded like a fart, but i didn't fart, lol. I said that the air was adjusting in my body, but nothing went out.

I was on the school yard. It was dark. There was a lazer at the end of the pitch, like the one that come from root powers in Avatar the leyend of korra. It pointed at me and wanted to kill me. There were cameras everywhere, so everywhere i went the cameras would recognize me with infrared light and the other lazer would aim and shoot. I couldn't get to the other lazer because it was about 120 meters away. I manage to move... and go to a lower ground so the lazer had no chance to shoot me. It was tough but didn't have to be so tough since i just could do that. Anyways there was the sports teacher, called Diego. In the dream he was not in good mood, maybe he was involved in that lazer stuff... I was not going to hang with him, no matter what "authority" he had in the school (actually in this dream the teachers had no authority whatsoever. I think im letting go that ). So as soon as i started walking away and turned my back on this teacher for good the headmaster came. Again. He could order, yell, whatever, but i gave him no authority. He didn't even talked or if he did he said something about economy... but it was related to Diego's Class. So i was not interested, not going to get involved and waste time on it so i left. Nobody complained.

Then i took notes on the following dream but i don't remember very well the dream, so i don't understand them. I dreamt i think being in the apartment. Eri, my sister, was there and some friends of her: Magda and Emi. Then i wrote that my sister asked me why people were listening to different music. I said something like i don't know, none of my business, besides i was listening to my own. (It was like a question to complain).

I did a WBTB and one hour later i lied down in bed to try WILD. I failed. But i had a nice dream:

I was definitely on a dream... but not lucid. It was a dream city, so i don't know where it was. There was a building and a grill of an apartment in the third floor more or less set on fire. A lot of firefighters came with hoses to turn off the fire. They did it every action with no hesitation and a nice work. They said that the fire got up to the 8th floor (i only saw the grill on fire, but nothing else... lol And it was a sudden burst of fire, out of nothing. There was a man there though about to make an Asado (Barbecue)). I was on the bottom floor, in the streets actually. It was night. Some militars wander around to show people where the bathrooms were, and since i was one of the young people i had to help other citizens to get to the bathroom. Actually there was only a guy, 30 years old, looked like marine but just looked like, he wasn't militar. He didn't need any help since he followed the soldier. But as we came back and i saw him he was with no expression but i think he was kinda grateful i went. Then i go back inside the building and a classmate greets me, and she asked me if i could go with her to the bathroom. I thought i just came but ok, i could later talk to her (these nights i been wanting to interact with a DC real or fictional. She was real). We go to the bathroom and when we get in there were only three toilets separated by a transparent plastic sheet and with no doors. I thought ok, i might have to go out now. But before i could do anything i saw this girl walking in fron of me and going to the third toilet, she put down her pants and sat there and started peeing. "Alright... i guess" i said and went to the first toilet. Actually one couldn't see anything through these plastic sheets, but it was a shared bathroom and no privacy whatsoever. I took out my thing and started peeing as well. She finishes and waits for me outside the second toilet. Meanwhile i was not finished, and she starts to get harrased by a guy (probably of my age). When i first heard him i thought if i had to go to and engage in some fisticuffs. I was afraid, not about fighting, but about him nocking me or even killing me and she getting raped or something like that. So i remained calm, so far she could defend herself for a bit and i would be much more light when i evacuate all the urine from my bladder. Then i hear her say "don't spit at me". At this moment i was about to go out and just but i remembered that i would be better fighting if i had no sensation that i want to urinate. So i finally finished. It took very long, like 2 minutes dreamtime. I do three steps back and i saw that the bathroom was a bit different already (no more plastic sheets but the normal kind, more spatious, and with more people (people i knew and that actually could back me)). The first person i see was my friend Fran O (he was a thin guy. 2 years ago he started gym, and made a lot of muscles. Now he is in normal shape) with lots of muscles. I stared him at the eyes and he at me and we both knew we each had our backs. Then i turn to see this girl (which i won't name) and he was in front of this guy. I ask if there was a problem, and she tells me that he wanted to charge to use the bathroom. I stare at him at the eyes as well, but with no ill-will, however not friendly either. He was smiling, with a smile like or of evil or wicked fun. I asked the girl if she wanted to go and she said yes, lets go (she understood that no was for engaing in fist-fight). So throughout all that moment there were some preocupations but nothing went out wrong (the only thing unclear was the spit however, but when i asked her she didn't say anything so... since i didn't see it maybe it didn't happen like i thought it could). We walk out in the streets and back to the building. There was a restaurant and i wanted to wash my hands there. We were leaning on a desk, and she sees that there was no gas, after reading a poster. So we go outside and to a dining hall, where there were rooms as well (it looked like the old hospital of Rio Cuarto, but with orange lights and still at night). She was about to leave to her room, but i saw that i had some alfajores de maicena (small ones) and i thought that i didn't want them but i could share half with her. So she returned, maybe to say bye, and i offered her this half-alfajor. She thanks me and eats it really liking it. We go outside (like the outside door of the University [First time i dream with the university i think] and i saw a guy eating a lot of pizza. I tell him that he doesn't have to eat it all, that sharing it could be good. Then i go outside and eat the alfajor. With that tiny piece my mouth was full, it was a lot, and very sweet. I didn't want to eat something sweet at that moment, but too late. As we walked we talked about microeconomic concepts such as "needs and wants" and how we could translate it into spanish. She told me "expectation" or something like that (actually i think she told me something else). Then i woke up.

The last dream was just like any other dream, but just it was more memorable. Also during the dream i made right choices, because i didn't hurry.

I went to bed about at 23:30. I was very tired. I would have liked to meditate but i relaxed lying in bed. I fell asleep at 3:40. Late but all the time i was relaxing the body, so i had a good night of rest. I woke up at 8:55 and i dreamt with:

I was on a field with some other people and there was a barn. Past the barn there was a field full of straw. It was probably like 10 miles like that... or more. However there was a sniper that would shoot us if we walked on that straw. So... as soon as we passed the barn we just jumped to the ground, and if he shooted us then ok, if he didn't very good. He didn't shoot, maybe he didn't saw us or wasn't quick enough. We were looking for a diamond in all that straw.
Then Joako, Fede and another guy approach me to mock how i played football. I get angry but i was powerless... Then i hear him spreading rumours about me with a taxi driver, and although i would let that pass because i don't really care i said the taxi driver that it wasn't true (actually i think this is better action than let it pass, but still not caring). I saw the transportist that took me from school to my house when i was at highschool so i decided to leave with him. I opened the front door, but there was Sofia and Lucia. So i went at the back. Then i saw that also Victoria L was also there. I wasn't going with Noel anymore so i worried about how i was going to pay to him (i recalled a lot of times he "saved me" in my dreams... so i would have to pay all that. I wanted to pay all that. Also i would like to be more self-reliable from now on, either walking or taking a bus, or being lucid). As we were going out of school i saw Fede standing in the street, so i take my arm out the window and slap him in the forehead. Nobody saw me, not even him probably. But immediately after i did that i regretted it. Victoria asked for internet password and although i didn't know it i gave it to them.

Then i had a false awakening. I was on the kitchen and saw a kg of flour, which actually i know there wasn't (in the dream apparently my sister bought it), and some scons. I ate the scons. Then i don't remember anything else.

Then i got up. Went to the bathroom (it was 9AM) and went to the kitchen. Right then i realized i have had a FA before. I checked if that was a dream but it wasn't. I ate some peanuts, drank some milk. Then drank some water and went to bed to try WILD. This lasted about 5 minutes.

So i lied in bed and started relaxing the body with the breaths. At first i just watched the breath, particularly how it felt in the head. Then i started counting as i was relaxing. Then i thought i was relaxed enough to sleep, that maybe i could fall asleep at any moment. I counted up to 30 and i felt that i could dive at any moment, but i reminded myself to still keep counting and forget of actively diving. Then i turned to my right side and started again, watching my breath and counting. I don't remember if i counted, and if i did i counted up to 20. I tried to remain aware the whole process but also knew i had to let sleeping occur. So i fell asleep and didn't experience any HI or sleep paralysis, vibrations, sounds... i just went straight to a dream. As soon i was in the dream i knew it was a dream, but also i didn't believe it so much because it could just collapse at any moment, because i was aware of my body lying at bed. So in the dream i was in my home city, Rio Cuarto, in front of Saint Francisco Church. It was at night. I thought of getting involved in the dream to let it unfold and so gain lucidity later when the dream was completely formed. BAD IDEA. I thought that if i didn't do anything the dream would just collapse, but getting involved in the dream as if it were a nonlucid it was just plainly a bad idea, at least do it lucidly! that's what WILDs are for! Well... i wasn't too logical at that moment. So i headed in front of the church, coming from a supermarket (that supermarket might be like 6 blocks away, but in the dream it seemed like 2 blocks). And i had 2 bags full of groseries and one bag with a box of shoes. The bag of groseries were so heavy that one of the bags was about to fall to the ground. So i grabbed it differently, and they were definitely lighter when i put them at the height of my chest. Then i just put the bags in the shoe bag. And at this moment a memory of awareness came again, that it was a dream, but i let that go... Then i start hearing canticles from the church saying "The inmortal is always with me/us. The inmortal won't let you go...". It was a christian church, and i just decided that it was time to leave. Then next to the church there was a bar, and my father was there drinking a beer or something in the street. He tells me "It would "good" (or interesting) to hear the song from a psychological point of view". I reacted like being angry because i wouldn't like to hear that song! I heard Christian songs before and they make no sense to me, so i wouldn't hear this one. I replied something like "why would i hear a song of another religion than mine?" although that question was vague, i could have had replied something better, wiser, more open. But i felt tired in the dream... like if i had duties... I was carrying 3 bags and i just have forgotten that it was a dream and that i could simply put the bags on the ground and forget about them, or donate the things of whatever... Well I think i need more resolve, and more practice. Then i woke up and recorded the canticle. Then i thought about it and i was sure that they referred to "god", but then i thought it from the point of view of Buddhism and the inmortal refers actually to nibbana, and some monks that share some of their experiences said that they experienced a happiness, a tranquility that hasn't left from the time they experienced it, be it 4 years, 40 years or whatever (Ajaan Liem and Ajaan Maha Boowa). So i felt relieved by this and felt glad having dreamt with this when i woke up. It was a christian church and i know their path doesn't aim nibbana, but since there aren't any buddhist temples in Argentina (just one Zen temple i think, and some Dojos of Tibetan Buddhism in BSAS) i interpret it that a message of Buddhism could have come from a church.

This dream lasted about 20 minutes, so i could have tried a DEILD or something like that. But i didn't felt like it. I also thought it would be ideal to wake up since i was rested. But i didn't. Maybe i would have a long dream in which i could become lucid. I slept for about 3 hours, almost 4 and lying in my chest.

I dream being in "casa tia" (a supermarket).
I don't have time for the act.
I am in a river and there are jaguars there. However i didn't get hurt. This was in alpacorral (and looked like Santa Rosa)
I am in a playhouse (pelotero) and there are some mattresses. We were at some height. If we fell we were going to get eaten by some animals and die. There were people thrown there.

Then i decide to go homeless. My family was together, and they were in a car. They were wealthy but i thought they might be fools for that, being blinded by money. So i left home. I went to a Buddhist temple in Alpacorral (there isn't any) and asked for a room there. They gave me a room, and it was completely empty. It was fine for me, since i like to sleep on the floor (although i usually put something not to feel cold. I dont mind hardness). They were doing chanting and i didn't want to get involved so i just went to this room. There was a small Buddha statue in the front wall however. I thought what to do now, i had no future at all... and i was free. I thought about meditating but maybe i just could not focus because of the chanting next door. So i knew i had with me a bag with medicine. I open it and saw many different pills and a small metal box. I open it and it had nails: a copper nail an iron nail and another nail (maybe silver). It was to put it on the bones of the fingers Then i woke up.

I went to bed at about 12PM i think. If it wasnt at 12PM it was at 1AM but i don't think it was at that time. I remained with the eyes open until my body calmed and felt relaxed. Then at 1:30 got up to go to the bathroom and went back to bed. I fell asleep at about 3AM, changing positions. I woke up at about 10AM. I remembered a DEILD exercise to be with eyes closed. I tried to remember the dreams, but i could only remember the obvious parts (which i didn't write down and forgot) and then the DEILD failed since i lost awareness right away and fell asleep again. Woke up at 11:51.

I dreamt being in a hotel. We were at bottom floor, in an elevator. We were like 8 people there waiting for the elevator. When the elevator comes, a math teacher from Highschool comes for the birthday of my sister. I didn't want to be there so i got into the elevator. But since we were 8 people in there, and max cappacity was of 5, 3 of us had to get out. So i knew what i was doing wasn't right so i got out. I greeted the math teacher. Since my sister (in the dream) had gone to the same school as i did the teachers i had knew her. She tells me she came to help my with math exercises. I said "yes! i wanted to do exercises, but other plans came up so im involved in this... If in the weeked i find myself free time i'll get into that" (it was like a small push to get back in what i actually wanted to do at that moment and not go astray). We go to the third floor because my sister didn't remember if the bedroom was in the third floor or the second. For me it was clearly the second, but we tried the third just to try. When she enters the key in the hole a woman from inside yells "Nooo, what are you doing!?" Sorry we say and we go away, lol. We all went to the second floor room b.

Then i dream that im involved in the party. It was about 1 or 2 hours to finish. I didn't want to hang on till it finished, i actually don't like parties. I go to the DJ place and grab a CD and greet the DJ (which looked like the singer of Babasonicos). He tells me that time runs, and i reply to him, yes, time runs and nobody can catch up with it. Then i go to the elevator, about 6th floor and enter my room. I was alone and it was a big department. There was a window to my left (if one entered the apartment). The sight of the window was of a tall building in front and a hallway down there. I thought about ghosts and if i were going to be able to sleep. But then i thought, if there are ghosts i should let them be, nothing i could really do. Then i woke up.

Dream sign:

- In the last apartment there was a building in front when i looked at the window. I dreamt before of a building in front, close and taller than where i was. Maybe in those cases i should get to the roof of my building. Because that other building blocks the sight of the sky. In this case it was about 7-9AM.

Side notes:

I had glimpses of awareness (the elevator of the second dream seemed like an elevator i saw of a game of virtual reality).
The apartment seemed like:
- a house i saw of a cardiologist on youtube.
- the department of my friend Fran.
- the department of Agus S.

Interpretation of " He tells me that time runs, and i reply to him, yes, time runs and nobody can catch up with it."

Time (or time-space) actually goes forward. So this is the first thing we were aware about and agree upon. But about nobody being able to catch up with it... well that's not true actually. What one is not able to catch up with is the desires that one has, the plans that one has or had for the future, the activities that one rather be doing in the present. That's what one can't catch up with, and thus we are frustrated or we suffer. We either give them up in frustration; we say, ok we couldn't do them now but that's where we are heading now or we let that desire go and being non-aversive to what is already present, also with no desire and with clear knowledege one settles in the present moment and thus one stops being restless. (If we gave up in frustration, "we couldn't catch up with time" (in dream logic); if we start doing it to be accomplished somewhere in the future, "we won't able to catch up with time"; if we let go and settle in the present moment "we are right in time").

I was in Plaza España of Córdoba. I cross the street just in time, the traffic light went green. That allowed me to cross the other street to the roundabout plaza. Then a lot of people came from parties. It was about to be dawn. I started to forget where i was... and got grabbed by these people who were probably drunk. If i was offensive probably those hundreds of people would come at me, but i wouldn't get bullied around. I didn't pay attention to them and i was going to leave from where i came (because streets were blocked by people. Looked like riots or something like that as well as party).

Then i am in the roof of my mothers house in Rio Cuarto. There was a party there. I think i was with some girls there, and one girl kissed me and left. I thought that was unexpected. I remained standing in the same place, and to my right there was a teacher of highschool which whom i used to play chess with. I asked him if he continued to play chess, and he told me nah, i don't play it anymore. I thought it was a strange answer for him, but ok... i believed that he didn't play at this moment.

Then i am in space, very far from earth, probably another galaxy. [YEAH! I was waiting for a dream like this.] I was on a mission on a spaceship. A door opens or actually a tubepipe opens (gets disconnected from the pipe) and the oxygen of the ship starts to go out. I wandered how i didn't get sucked in, but since i didn't i didn't care why... it was dreams physics! All the time i was trying to connect the pipe to stop this outflow. But... it was all outflow..., there was an inflow of "space" in the ship. And i thought, if i breathe space it would probably be toxic and i will die. The spaceship atmosphere had like 50% oxygen and 50% space. So i decided to land the ship right there . We were far from earth, but we were orbiting a planet. Probably 10.000km from that planet? but the landing was instant. We landed on a temple, which was in a forest. We were waiting for the ship to recharge the oxygen. I thought it would be instant, but then i thought "no it won't be instant, it's like charging a car with fuel. This will take one week, no two weeks, no, 1 month, no, 6 months" i was trying to get the right number and i think i continued till one year. So one year staying in that place would be right. I was pretty much alone, but some of my highschool classmates, like Fede, was there. Also i remember telling one tripulant that went into the forest: "don't forget of the lucid dreams!!!", but i didn't get lucid myself, how silly.

I fell asleep at 3AM. Lot of noise from neighbors... upstairs at the right: the TV, and right above me: so... it was hard to fall asleep.

I woke up at 7:30. I had a weird dull dream (about some concepts of Buddhism: Avijja and Sankharas).

I decided that was a poor rest although i slept 4 hours and i could meditate the rest. I didn't feel sharp so i decided to sleep. I woke up at 11:20 (about 4 hours later) having dreamt with:

- Being in a party. It looked like a neighborhood of a town, like Marcos Juarez. There were people hanging on the street but they were from a different party. Some people i knew were hanging in a house, but i didn't want to go in, i didn't want to go to the party. So i just stayed otuside. Then the grandson of a sister of my grandmother, Maria, entered the house but before that he greeted me and invited me to go into the house. I said thanks but maybe later. I then didn't remain very aware, if i would have i would have remained outside, but as sheep do i followed him in. The house looked like a poor house... i didn't last long there since the dream scene changed into my appartment, at night. In there i was looking at the PC. I don't know how that happened but i was looking at some girls, who looked pretty. Then i woke up.

Side notes:

- I did a short WBTB, of 5 minutes. Then i saw half video of Dhamma on Air #40 or so. I meditated on the parts of the body right before i fell asleep. It was very calming, very nice, i recommend it. (But having done this i don't know why i saw the girl as a pretty girl. Maybe i need some more practice).
- The grandson of Maria looks like Christoph Waltz. I saw a photograph the day before that my father sent and he looked like that actor. Last week my father told me that he was a nice/gentle person.
- Yesterday my mother asked how was the party i went to. I said i actually didn't like it but i stayed there to greet Fran.
- Yesterday i began translating a video of Ajahn Brahm that talked about sheep.
- Yesterday i searched for Luangta Maha Boowa, and one video in which he didn't talk but another bhikkhu did came out. It was about Avijja. I actually didn't watch it or listen to it, maybe 2 minutes, but that was what i first dreamt about.

I meditated at 1:00 AM after washing the dishes... and i went to sleep at 2AM. Probably fell asleep 40 minutes later but i don't really know.

I slept on my back! It has been about an year since i last slept on my back. It's difficult for me, but im trying to make it easy.

I woke up at 7:30 with 3 dream fragments which count as one dream:

- I was on a supermarket. Both my parents were there but each one on their own. I grabbed a bag of chocolate candies and went with my father, since i think he was closer, to pay and get out. After he payed i opened the bag and i was dissapointed by the candies, they were tiny and not great flavour.

- I was in zen place in córdoba. There was a pool behind the house. There was my father and martín, and Lidia, my aunt, was inside the house (looked like her house).

- I was in the house of my mother, the house that has been of her aunt. There were people in bed.

I did a WBTB. Took a shower and then meditated about 20 minutes. I went to sleep at 8:30 and woke up at 9:30. I dreamt with:

- I was on the road of the river of rio cuarto. I cross the bridge i think and go on through that road (the one of street las heras). I think it was 6 am in the dream or about that hour/time. A motobike was going ahead of me and i was behind with a bicycle. The moto suddenly stops and i reduce my speed. I expected the moto to go on, because i didn't think it would stop there... but it just stopped, and since i was close and didn't maniobrate i strucked it from behind, but softly. He turned back and said something like "oh sorry, ..." and something else which i don't remember. I said i was ok, and neither the bike nor the motorbike had any damages because it was a soft clash so... very good. Then 2 young women, teenagers, approach to help apparently. I go with them to their house and we go to the backyard. It was a nice place, quiet. They seemed to be between 17 and 19 years old. I asked them what did they do, if they still were at school, or did they worked, or did they go to university. They answered me none, and got no other answer. (then i dreamt something about bizarre linked with the walkind dead which i don't see anymore. Negan put his footprint on some breads.) Then i woke up.

Then since i slept one more hour i thought i could sleep one more hour. So i turned on my right side and slept an hour. I woke up at 10:52 am. I dreamt:

- I was in my department (more realistic was this dream apparently) i was making a breaded chicken cutlet (it has been about 4 years since i ate meat). My sister was there, she headed to the kitchen and started to argue with me about something i didn't even know what was. I got angry because she argues with me everyday so i took a broach for clothes (i don't know the names) and threw it at her at her head. (I actually should have remained patient). I saw through a window near the door (which actually there isn't any, but didn't get lucid) that one of my jackets was hanging in a building in front. So i decided it would be cooler to go outside and eat later than to be there. So i grabbed the keys and went outside. I went through a hall (which there is no hall in my building) and there were some houses on the way. One of them said "tea shop" and i thought "oh wow, nice, i never been here, i should come". But that wasn't the time to go in there. I went outside and the street seemed like the house of my mother in rio cuarto. I crossed the street and entered the building. It looked like the bus station or terminal. There was a janitor and some people. It was a big place (i dreamt something like that before like being an underground city). I headed downstairs, because i wanted to find the two girls i met before. Downstairs there was a woman layed down in a bed with many young girls (5 years old), and there were closed shops besides her. I went downstairs and there it was the backyard, but i didn't want to interrupt so i went upstairs again. I knocked a door of a bedroom which was open. It was a large bedroom so i thought someone might be in. Meanwhile the woman asked me what i was doing there. I began answering and 2 blonde teenagers (16 years old) came out the bedroom. So before i finished replying to the woman i started talking to these girls. I said something that satisfied both: "i met some girls before and im looking for them. I was hoping you could give me to the roof so i could get my jacket back." So she said something "ok, lets hope the cape of invisibility of my uncle arrived, and yes we will guide you." We went downstairs, and we all three got in a broom. Then a girl started flying. We flew over a forest near the city of rio cuarto (which there isn't) and to a close town. It was a town made of stone. Then we flew over another town, and it was a town also made of stone. But i think that we accelerated time (or just the time of construction of the building) and saw how a building turned into a better building. In the entrance there was the name of two scribes: one called pedro and one marcus. They both lived in 16 century. I thought i might have known them... probably because a past life or something like that which now i could remember because of the magic. Well in the writings it was written that they had passed the zen tradition to four guys... which i read the names but didn't pay attention. All this was already night. While i flew over the forest it was evening. When i entered the other building it was afternoon and a mix of night... and when i went out of my apartment it was morning.

Then i remained in bed... and got a light sleep. Now it was evident i should get up. I woke up at 13:12, and dreamt:

- I was in a room with my classmates in a class of my highscool teacher of Physics. I was talking with a friend, Fran O, that we should be careful about the attention on TV. Then i went to Caro and i talked to her about millionares, telling her an absurd theory. Then she dismissed me saying that i already passed the course that i only should go back for the exams, but i thought i remained there because i needed to prepare for the exams... Anyways i left. I went to other room where my classmates were there sitting around a table (it looked like my house of 10 years ago.) Fran E asked me for cake, so i gave him a dish with cakes and i passed on another dish to Fede. Then i woke up.

Went so sleep at 4 am and woke up at 10:38 am. Slept about 6 to 6:40 hours, and i feel well rested.

My recall about the dreams last night is not great, probably due to how strange the dreams were.

I dreamt i was in the entry room of my grandfather house. I was in the dining room and went to that room. It was night, and there were some "saints" there... converting people from normal good persons into fully powered saints. However they were called saints but maybe they werent, they just transformed into the most powerful version they could, but that didn't mean they would be nice... I didn't trust them. There were some cards, that had titles like "father", "mother", "priestress", etc... and people were turning into that, and only one person could turn into one kind. There were hundreds wanting to turn, and they all could probably before their lifetime was over... but i wasn't sure that was the right way... I think that "the father" began, and then turned the mother, and so on. The last one was the priestress. [They were all saints of a religion similar to the religion of the seven of game of thrones, but with many "gods".]

These saints were hanging somewhere in Egypt... in a desert, probably in the Sphinx, and there were pyramids too. Actually one wanted to open a sand door, but didn't have the tools to open it. Arya Stark was prisioner... but she was treated nicely (I just watched her as if i were behind, but like a spectator...) She was given a rapier, and when she finished her dinner she practiced with it as she would see other people do.

Then i dreamt i was near a river, probably of my home city. Neil DeGrasse Tyson burns up a pick-up.
Then i wanted to cross a street, but i saw cars were rallying. So i waited so i didn't get hit. A car was coming but it was slow enough for me to cross, so i crossed the street safely. (This part was more vivid, as if i were aware of what was going on, but not lucid) It was wide. There was a bus parked, and when i see the side i couldn't see from the other side of the street i saw a girl that was peeing on the floor. She was looking at me wanting to say how timely i was... but ok i didn't want to watch her so i just walked on towards a desk that was in front. (Now the dream started to darken a lot, it was hard to see but i knew i could see so i hanged on) In the desk there was some luggage of my sister. A guy, friend of her came by and just grabbed a backpack of my sister and started walking away. I couldn't let him do that so i ran behind him and talked to him to get the backpack back. He gave it to me and said something like not to feel ashamed and goes. Then Eri, my sister, comes with one or two friends. I don't remember if she asked me anything or not, but i told her that a car burned up, and she complained and said something that it was my fault. (I couldn't do anything for it. Since she wasn't there she didn't know, but she talked anyways. Anyways i was aware of this so i didn't care what she said, i actually felt like sad for her, but didn't pay too much attention.).

Fragment: Then we were on the appartment (it was very different, i haven't been in an appartment like that before. It was like a duplex.) and she talked on the phone asking how much the debt of the rent was. (Well... i might be worried about this so that's maybe why i dreamt with it. But i shouldn't worry too much either since it's a stage, and also i know that being clear is way better).

I didn't have a Journal next to me when i woke up, so i write what i remember:

Dream about Zen monk of Rio Cuarto. Went with my mother and i think someone else. The monk grabbed 2 bottles of an alcoholic drink. I said... one thing i don't like is the drinking of alcohol, that's not in the Vinaya (rules from the Buddha for monks). He replied something like he doesn't drink alcohol. I left.

Then i was in a supermarket of Rio Cuarto (im living in Cordoba now) and we took a taxi with my mother and my younger sister but it wasn't ready yet. Meanwhile my father came and asked to speak with me. I thought that he might have something serious to say. But when i go to listen to him he starts talking me about how my sister behave in christmas party... I stayed a bit longer to see if he had something serious, but nothing serious was coming out. So i left. Went back to the taxi. My father washed the taxi's windshield, and the taxi driver just accelerated. We drove around the jail neighborhood, which is actually far from that supermarket.

Then i wandered around that neighborhood walking alone, thinking that i must search the true dhamma, and stick to the vinaya. However everywhere around it was like this was lost, and i felt sad. (Actually the Buddha-Dhamma would be something from India and that zone, so it never touched America. But it lasted, now there is migration to America and the other way around so that's why it is present now. But the Buddha didn't taught the Dhamma here, so it is 'reasonable' to not expect the Dhamma to be among the people here.) I didn't know what to do, i thought if going to live as a hermit and practice on my own, would be the best, but since people didn't know about the Dhamma, if i went for alms round they wouldn't put much in my bowl. *

Other note:
*So i deduced i would remain with my family, but i didn't want to. I didn't want to see their ways; to see them see me not doing things their way (because i won't) and not giving explanations if i don't have anything clear to explain.

I fell asleep at about 2 am. Woke up at 4:30 am with a relative long dream.

I dream there was like a challenge with candies... Like some candies were better than other ones... This was held by Fran O and Oti.

I was standing there and there was a swimming competition. Fabio, a sports teacher of school, asked me what sports did i qualify for the competition. I mention 5, although he probably expected 7. But regardless his opinion i didn't want to push myself too far since i didn't consider a sports competition worth it. (I always wanted to win the competitions, but not only i did not win but also if i could have won it actually wouldn't give me any reward inside).

Then i was in a saloon, where there was a night party. I noticed that it was the 50's 60's and it was the beginning of the electric guitar. Since i knew how to play the guitar i wanted to play in public. (I think i had the not so aware thought of Marty McFly playing guitar in the past.) So i went to the bar section, meanwhile while i was walking i saw a fully naked girl, walking in front of me and sitting in a chair to drink something with her friend. I thought wow, i would like to stay here, but then i thought no actually i don't and i have other things to do. Besides i was thinking that maybe she was there like that not because she wanted to but because of how the party was organized, maybe it was a not so wholesome party... maybe she was a slave or something like that. If that was the case i couldn't do much about it because there surely were many of them, maybe if i was lucid i could call some allies (because my powers are not very stable or prolongued) from the DVs Hero League maybe, and help this people out. But well... it was just a thought anyways, i didn't ask anyone about this. So i continued to the bar. I had left my guitar there. When i grab the guitar case it was light, and thus i knew it was not there. So i asked the barwoman where was the guitar. She told me that those two women grabbed it and stole it. So i went to those two women, and i grabbed one. Somehow the other one tricked me in considering her as not a thief. They had already stolen the guitar and put it outside in her cars, and i didn't want to go and get it myself because maybe her boyfriends or her band would be there. So i grabbed this woman and decided to take her to the police. I hold her arms and hands behind her back, and she was walking on front. She was very angry with me and started to nail her nails in my hands. I didn't care about this, i was not going to let her go, because i couldn't let her go with her own... she had stolen a guitar, even though i didn't care too much about the guitar itself. So she did that and i had a sccisor so i nailed it on her hands as well, i think i did that like trying to get her hands together and so i could then grab her by the arms, but this was an angry reaction and it was actually cruel. We walked and there were some militars lining up. They saw me but didn't stop me. I told them she was a terrorist, but this wasnt the case! I lied to them but actually because i lied to myself in thinking that. Maybe because i saw the soldiers i thought "ha, things changed, she isn't a thief anymore, she might be a terrorist". Well, if things changed so quickly this was sign that the dream was abotu to collapse. And it did, and woke up. Never reached the police, so that woman is free .

It was too early to get up so i remained in bed. I slept until about 11:45 am.

I dream about being in the house of a friend playing with a ball. Juan and Santi.

We went to look for the ball and we suddenly are in the school yard. A woman from outside sees Matias and threteaned him to accuse him with the directors. We decided to leave and go to the highschool hall. We were there and lined up. We were the oldest in the school, and it was first day of classes. I am asked if i like music by a teacher, and i say i don't like it anymore or im not interested anymore. Then the principal starts asking everyone, one by one, "what does your religion (he knew the religion of every person) think about marrying?". I wanted to give a good answer but i had no clue, i didn't recall anything about this. The only thing i knew was that monks are not allowed to do marriage services. So i either had to remain silent or say what i personally thought instead of the religion.

Side note:

- About the religions. Many people in my country is religious but with blind faith, or just to have a religion (they don't want to offend god). At least that's how i see it and i think it's not right. So i don't care getting involved in these kind of arguments or whatever, since they are like political arguments. So i considered if i should say something or actually say im atheist. Well... he never asked me, but i think i would have said that thing of the monks and nothing else. However why did i stay there? ... I should work on attaining lucidity hehe

I dreamt:

Being in a saloon or somewhere closed but wide and with a tall ceiling. There were ropes hanging in the ceiling and me and my sister grabbed them and made something like mickey's ears.

Then i was in my grandfather's house. There was a family meeting. A Zen monk came and asked me what i had in the head, i told him just a lunar... he told me no, in the back of the head, i told him "ahh, i must have hitted something" maybe there were some scars, and i was ashamed for my first reply because i didn't understand properly what he asked.

Then my family was having lunch near the asador, so i went there. There was a table with space near the entrance where just sofi was there. I sat there modest. Dario gave me a dish with potato chips. And asked what did i eat. I thought it is not so difficult to figure out... if he knows im vegetarian then he must deduce i don't eat meat... But still i was asked because everyone was uncertain about this. I get up. There were a couple of dogs barking. One black of medium/big size barked near me, and when i got up it bit me in my leg. My first reaction was fear, because i expected a bite, but ... i thought it's just a bite, im not going to die for this, and since it's just a bite i won't hurt the dog. So i kept walking, like equanimous about the bite.

I went to the kitchen where in the dream it actually was a bedroom. In the bedroom there was a dead dog with no skin, just flesh, running around barking about prophecies (like Christian prophecies). I get up to the bed because he might want to bite whoever disagrees, and i wait for him to finish the round, so when he comes close i observe him. (The bed reminded me of the old house of my grandparent, like of 15 years ago). Meanwhile i see a river next to me and across the river i saw Arahants (fully enlightened beings) walking. I was like . I saw two monks, fully enlightened, that i think they were Ven. Ananda and Ven. Sariputta. who were leading , and right behind them there came the Buddha and behind him the whole Sangha, which were a lot of monks. I didn't get to see the monks because as soon as i saw the first Arahants and the Buddha i got back to position and tried to figure out what was the next thing to do. I was stunned. I decided that i would wait for the dog to come, let him bark, decide that his prophecies are non-sense and discard them for good, and then swim across the river or cross it and meet the noble Sangha and the Buddha. However the monks advanced, and they advanced slowly but never stopping, it seemed like they were aware of all their actions, and they had an incredible energy and will, and as soon as i saw this i thought that although i don't recognize the other qualities they have, they may have in the same ammount of strength or degree the other factors of enlightenement, which for me was something i couldn't have imagined how it was. Just having that energy was something great, i couldn't imagine how they could have at least 6 more factors with that vigour. But they had them, and for that indeed i would honour them as noble. [When i woke up i thought that it was because they worked tirelessly life after life after life, so now although they had qualities like for someone who would live at least a million years, it was manifested in a body that lasts 80 years and that's what they are leaving behind, they don't need that anymore because they reached nibbana]. Well i waited the dog and the dog didn't come, however i saw the 2 Arahant leaders entering the room, and i was in bed. Like a sick person that lies in bed and cannot get up to greet the visits. I couldn't get up not because i was sick but because i was stunned. An Arahant knew this and levitated me outside the bed to a side. I thanked him and bowed down like in Zazen would do. Now i found a proper occasion to do this reverence. The Buddha was entering the room to sit in the bed and i was still bowing down. The Arahants were standing. I still thought that was not a place for me to be... since i didn't know what they were going to do, if give a dhamma talk or rest, or discuss other things i felt akward surrounded by Arahants and being the only non enlightened being in the room, but i knew i wanted to ordain since i saw them across the river. Before the Buddha sat down in the bed i woke up.

In the dream, the same dream, i saw normal people as normal people, and i saw the Zen monk like more energetic because of his work of zazen, but still was normal. However the arahants were exceedingly energetic, it's like one could see that they were enlightened. Of course i never saw people with that energy in real life but i wondered and imagined how they could be ever since i found out about Buddhism. I would like to meet a Buddha in a future life, and i would like to renounce the wordly life and become a monk under a Buddha.

Sidenotes:

- Good dream.

Now that i think of it, a day later, these beings took their holy life seriously, and that's why they had such power. The holy life was their livelihood, so indeed that they would be experts in what they did. Just like a good university math teacher can be very good explaining, demonstrating and resolving, in the similar way with these beings.

Also about the postrating part. I was taught when i went to Zazen not only how to sit and meditate, but also how to do walking meditation and mindful postration, and also like a salute when you enter the Dojo, when you are about to sit, when you finish meditation and when you get out. Well, these later things i was explained that it was all done focused, but i didn't find any meaning. I always thought that only when the time would be apropiate those activities that i learnt would be useful, but not so much for doing it to a statue (unless you do it for the purpose of diminishing your ego...). The apropiate occasion would be when i saw an enlightened being, a Buddha or the Buddha Sangha. This remained in my mind and now that i saw the proper occasion in this dream i said now it's a good occasion, yes! and i did it I would not only do that but follow the Buddha, the Arahant or the Sangha to either help them, donate something, receive a teaching or ordain.

My cellphone ran out of batery, and i didn't have any paper near the bed so i couldn't record the dreams as soon as i woke up. Didn't get up either, so i have to rely on my memory, which didn't do a good work

I remember dreaming with my mother and my older sister.

I was on an office, like the sets of TV News programs, but it was like an alien base... Well... My sister got a new laptop, and she was getting more stuff, which was good for her. She compared the stuff she had with the guy that was sitting next to her, an old suited man.

Then i dreamt with being Arya Stark. Probably because of the profile picture i have, which i have to change. I was in Westeros, and i got caught. An old woman who has been my sister was leading me through a pyramid stair while asking me questions about white lotus and other stuff. When we got into the top i knew they were going to kill me, like a sacrifice, or like they killed Ned Stark. I could have done something, but i didn't want to harm anyone, no matter how horrible they were or how much they deserved it. So i let things happen their natural way. There was a skeleton in a table, bloody, and it was probably someone of my family. Then i had to put the head on something like a tree stump and they chopped my head. There were like 3 or 4 people there, and the top of the pyramid was closed with windows, so i don't know who actually saw that, but i didn't care either. After i was head chopped i remained conscious but with no body, and i was actually glad that i had not to be stuck with that people anymore, i could go wherever i wanted, probably take a new form somewhere else. I didn't care about the game of thrones, eventually everything crumbles. What i did care was about my attitude, to develop good qualities which i could rely upon right now and in the future. So i was tranquil in a not easy moment, and it became more difficult at the last moment closer to my beheading, but i thought it should not be any different than the prior moments, so i calmed, and remained calm.

Side notes (for making a chart at the end of the month):
- Dream about death
- Unpleasant dream

I went to bed at about 12:00 PM. I was tired and i wanted to lay down, although i wouldn't sleep right away. I wanted to meditate instead of laying down, but... i felt tired... maybe i should investigate this lethargy in meditation itself. I fell asleep at 2 AM and i woke up at 8 AM. Then i stayed in bed and fell asleep. Woke up one hour later having dreamt more vividly. Then i just didn't got up because of lethargy (and this is dangerous because it can create a bad habit) and slept until 12:00.

Dreams of 08:00

I wrote in the cellphone "pizzas and household life", i don't even know what that means... i don't remember anything with that.

Dreams of 09:00

I dreamt being in a house, maybe it was linked with a university campus or something like that. The house looked like the house that my grandmother has, but also in combination with a carpentry, and it was abandoned but visited frequently. There was my mathematics teacher, one of the best teachers in the Faculty of Economics in University of Cordoba. He gave me really clear advice on decisions or about future decisions in my life. As soon as he finished he had to go, but i apreciated his advice. If i had to remember what advice he gave me i couldn't but i wrote something down: it was like something about the goals in one end, and oneself in another end, and one has to paint (like explaining something of mathematics, the area) all that is in the middle and that's the most important.*

Then i appeared in the entry room of my grandparents house. There my grandmother told me she had cancer. I think i told her i already knew but i was glad she told me personally, maybe because she is preparing to die, with acts of forgiveness and not hiding any secrets, i liked it. My grandfather said, well its not so serious, one doesn't know that one has cancer until the day one dies. Actually i disagreed with this (maybe i wanted to close my eyes before and think it this way but not now) because death is one kind of suffering but sickness is another, and that is really there. But i didn't reply because my uncle, José, arrived with his wife.

We were in a meeting in the dining room. My grandparent gave me a zapallo as drink. We toast. I say something, although i knew it wasn't the time to say it, that two nights ago i dreamt with Dario... (and silly of me not realizing that was a dream as well...) Analía asks what i said, and there was a baby next to her that asked what (the baby was a friend of mine but with that form...). Analia slaps the baby, and the baby just didn't react. I was offended by this action of my aunt and took the baby for a ride in a car. I was going to teach him/her how to play. I drove in calle Las heras of Rio Cuarto, and it was dark. Then i turn to my left before the bridge and i enter a neighborhood i didn't know before. I thought that i couldn't stop otherwise they would steal or kidnapp us. I saw many little elephants of clay outside the houses. I got lost and i thought i couldn't go back, and i was already to deep inside the neighborhood. There was something strange with that neighborhood. I wait till i get caught. Then i think i get caught and we loose everything, i even loose my life and i am reborn again in another realm. Only the baby could keep his life.**

Then 12:00

- There was a trafic with about 8 nude women. I just take no interest in them. Then gradually they began dissapearing, one by one. Until the last one was alone, called Narda. I suddenly looked at her, just because of curiosity, what was she doing there... well i deduced that she got payed for being there, as publicity but of course she was not just publicity. As soon as i looked at her 7 more women appeared in a blink. I said, no, i don't want this, im off. And instead of waiting for them to vanish again i left... (i think i should have let them vanish all of the 8 completely).
- Home and my mother travelled south of Argentina.
- Walking barefoot in the streets. Felt great.*** I walked in a church, nobody told me anything, but i noticed people in there was there by habit or ignorance. There was nothing i could share or that this people could share with me. I left. As soon as i got out i am surrounded by police (this happened to me once, lol). They fired me with thorns, that maybe were going to put me in sleep, so i pulled them out. Then like a woman came and just used her superpowers and artiluges to create a force barrier of orange colour so police couldn't come in. Police threteaned her but she held, however i told her not to worry and that she could leave, i would be ok. So she left and i woke up.



Notes:

Reading Serene posts about the voice and her dreams on how she got alerted about events in life inspired me
*The interpretation i would give is that i was focusing much on the goals while loosing perspective of the present or the path. Maybe i was restless while i could be calm.
** The day before i thought about Oti and how i got myself in a neighborhood like that with the car, however the neighborhood i really got myself in was more dangerous.
That neighborhood looks very similar in my dreams. It is like a recurring dream. One characteristic it has is that it's like a maze, once i get in it's difficult to find the way out, because maybe it changes... I have to think in the impermance of dreams, this is because im not lucid. If i were to be lucid i would know that it changes so quickly because its a dream.
*** Facu told me some months ago that Steve Jobs used to walk barefoot in his house. I thought, why not in the whole planet? Well now im thinking that buddhist monks walk on alms barefoot, so its possible. They are homeless, but i think i make a distinction about ordinary homeless and monks. I think there shouldn't be that distinction, because if there is im thinking about status, and what scares me about homeless people is that they have no status. Otherwise it would be a great lifestyle in my opinion. So maybe im attached to my status, and this is something i should let go.

Other notes:

- Dream with increased vividness

Last night i dreamt with Pedro, being friendly and with goodwill (i was goodwilled so i saw him with goodwill as well).

This night i dreamt again with Pedro, but it was more of a selfish thing the interaction and a moment of true endurance in a friendship. Why selfish? Because we were playing a game in the dream world. I fell on a tower, and instead of dying i perceived it that i lost the game. So now it was his turn to play... But he chose a totally different game... Anyways i just stayed there impatiently. [For moments like this i should become lucid. Im not bound to stay there, im free to do whatever i want. But because of attachment to my friend or the activity we were doing i hanged on there]. Why endurance in a friendship? Because the moment of endurance happened while we were in friendship. His game was finishing and he wanted to culminate it (If i explained the game it wouldn't fit what a game is, but i perceived till the last of the clinging as a game), so i held a Mate and he held a hose and washed the Mate full with yerba. The water pressure was very strong and he kept holding it, then at the last moments he said that it was burning, but he didn't laid it down, and he kept holding it. Then the pressure was finished and he layed down the hose. He showed his hands as red and wanted to express the pain he had by showing them, but of course i knew i couldn't know the pain by just looking at the hands nor touching them. I had forgotted about this kind of things that happened when we were children. If i had a pain like that i would find the quickest way to stop it. But this is a good lesson that sometimes better to act wisely and/or maturely. This dream i wrote down fully in my personal dream journal, i just didn't want to copy it here because it is on the cellphone.

However the other thing i dreamt was that i dreamt with my uncle Dario, and this i didn't took note because i didn't remember until late at day. Dario is the brother of my father. My father is the oldest in his generation, and then follows Dario. We were in a family gathering, in the garage of my grandparents house. Dario wasn't with his wife, and i thought that she might have passed away, although maybe that wasn't the case, maybe he was in her home village. Someone came up saying something about her wife, that she is old or something like that ... and Dario remained calm, but then noticed that something was said. However he acted differently as he tend to act/react, he acted with good intentions to my surprise, and said serenly "That actually offended me", but he sounded more like sad but at the same time equanimous. Sad because he trusted his family, he never thought before that there is such gossip, and also that people don't tell him about. He got up and went through the kitchen. My father also got up and walked with him with his left arm on his shoulder and back, supporting him, like an older brother would do.