Recent DJ Posts

i was holding my cat (who passed away from ckd the end of last year), i was holding him in my lap, there was people around like other survivors of the end of the world. it was like time was up and we were all just waiting. But i'm sitting with bem on my lap and kissing him and rubbing his ears and he's purring and i know he's going to leave me soon, like he's just visiting to tell me goodbye. i made him a little beanie to put on him, he lets me for a second but i can tell he doesn't prefer it so i take it off and then i consider cutting ear holes into it to make it more comfortable but then i decide not to because i just want to enjoy the little time i have left with him and i look at the beanie and smell it and think that it will be a memory of him i can hold. then i go back to hugging and petting bem, then suddenly times up and he leaves and i cry and mourn. A. tells me that it's going to be okay and that we have one day left before the end of earth. And that we'll spend the last day tomorrow remembering all the memories of bem. So we both take empty flights home. and then spend our day alone until we have to meet the two of us in this lab where a dimension hole exit is that i discover will be where this ancient man will save earth from end war and et's. And i realize i wasted energy on worrying about the end when this was and old preset future that will be fine. Then i teleport to someones side alley of there home, a woman and her 3 daughters are making cupcakes and cake and decorating it for her mothers bday outside on a fold up table, the washer and dryer is against their outside wall. the grandma comes out and says "for me?", the mom doesn't want the surprise spoiled so after a moment of staring she says "no this is for the neighbors son, go inside go inside", and the grandma goes inside. then all 4 women stand there and wait and all look at each other wondering what to do. after a few seconds the mom tells her daughter to go fetch her grandma to come back out side and when the grandma comes out they all yell "surprise!" and the grandma who seems childlike says again "for me?" and smiles. Then suddenly she's at the table eating the cake and just a guy is watching and smiling now as the grandma finished up her cake, all the while the dream i had before about time running out is happening again but at the same time somewhere else and i can feel it, but this is showing what this family is doing while i was experiencing futility and acceptance.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up more*

I woke, trailing out of a dream. I tried to remember but was disappointed that I didn’t. Then the dreams started to come back to me.


Dad, mom, a friend from college, and maybe another friend (best friend from high school?) sitting (on a bed or floor with cushions?). Comfort but not a lot of affection, not needy affection at least. Calmly focused.

I was asking questions about what happened when I was a child (about traumas that occurred).

It was observed that I wasn’t as angry as usual.

I told them yeah, I don’t get so angry now when talking about my childhood traumas with dad. I say “I just got tired of being angry,” feeling very heartfelt and with a glimpse of that exhaustion. “Now I just ask questions about what happened.” Dad agreed, though he still didn’t like to talk about the what. The 4 or 5 of us discussed the change in my questions about childhood traumas and if it was a good thing. My college friend appreciated my change (in the face of others having concerns about it).