• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. Weird tree dream and a tiny lucid | [14.10.2020, 15.10.2020]

      by , 10-15-2020 at 01:32 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      14.10.2020

      Weird tree dream
      There was something about trees and that apparently me and my mother and like a big community of people are turning into them and there was something about reincarnation. But my father realized something at the end of the dream and he killed us all while sad music played.

      15.10.2020

      Tiny lucid
      There might be something about the series The Order. And then I had a moment of awareness, followed by me wondering about if I might be dreaming. And then I knew that I was, in fact, dreaming. I then tried stabilizing the dream somehow.


      Before I entered the lucid after waking up from a lot of dreams, I actually had the suspection that my next dream might be a lucid. Guess I was right lol

      I rarely ever practice reality checks or awareness training anymore, though. I don't quite know a reason to lucid dream right now.
    2. Survival with Lucifer and somebody else, and a dream about an entitled-feeling woman | [28.09.2020]

      by , 09-28-2020 at 08:23 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      [27.09.2020]

      Survival with Lucifer Morningstar
      I am outside, and it's like a very realistic survival game that has mechanics like Rust, and you play it like real life. At some point it seems to be real life. We're outside, and there's cars and otherwise normal civilization but we, a group of me, Lucifer Morningstar from the series Lucifer and somebody else who might be my friend Steven. We go to a sort of tree house and start discussing in a heated argument what we need to survive.

      [28.09.2020]

      Entitled woman
      I am in a sort of special room with a roommate which is a chubby woman who feels entitled for some reason and with my mother. It might be a sort of asylum, or maybe even a sort of bunker or something. She complains constantly what kind of TV program I watch. At some point we seem to get along well, and my mother comments on that but I make a remark that suggests it's not going to be for long.



      That was weird.
    3. Creepy red creature | [26.09.2020]

      by , 09-26-2020 at 01:14 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Creepy red creature
      I am a spectator of a woman living on a sort of high tower. She did something that will make some sort of demon monster come and run up the tower to kill her. She waits and it's suddenly there and throws her against a wall with rather whacky physics, like in a video game, and blood splatters everywhere. The creature looks somewhat like an enemy from SUPERHOT. Then suddenly it's like real and I am now on the tower and did something. I watch it in terror, it's running up the stairs to the tower and is there soon. Then suddenly it's in front of me and also throws me against the wall and kills me. Then I am at home, and my mother did something that made me think it will make it come up. I complain to her and she tells me she doesn't believe it. I think about how it even gets into houses, and I tell my mother to properly lock the door, but she takes her time and keeps telling me things, and when she finally goes to lock the door, it seems to be too late. But then nothing happened and for some reason my mother is gone. Then the dream fades a bit and apparently I'm lying in bed. I get a bit aware that I am dreaming and try to open my real eyes to wake up, but it doesn't really work and I can only open my dream eyes, so I build up confidence since I think that the creature might be right in front of me. But it isn't there, so I stand up to see the brightly lit, but way too silent room. Outside, it is very dark. Then I hear very loud breathing, coming from everywhere at once. It had to do something with my mother, and I really wanted to wake up. And, as I wished, it worked this time. At some point, there was also some game title screen with the title "Worry - The game".



      That was creepy. Quite a cool dream. Also good that I got a bit aware at the end there, but not aware enough to remember that I could change the scene instead of waking up. Sad that I lost the opportunity. Also, that "Worry - The game" part might be a pretty funnily obvious reference to how I feel every day.

      Updated 09-26-2020 at 01:16 PM by 96397 (Made blue color not burn into one's retina.)

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    4. Dream about my mother refusing to get rid of my father's stuff

      by , 09-13-2020 at 04:28 PM
      I had a dream last night that seemed to be set in the current time. When the dream started, my sister and I were in my momís house and were taking stuff that had belong to my father that my mom had been hanging onto out of the house and loading it into the back of a pick-up truck that had been rented from U-Haul. We were working on cleaning-out closets that in current waking life are still full of stuff that belonged to him as well as going through dressers and pulling out clothes that could be donated to charity. My mom was in the house while we were taking stuff out of the truck, but wasnít helping us with taking things out to the truck and sometimes would intercept me or my sister and question why we were getting rid of things rather than keeping them at her house. We kept trying to explain to her that it would be best to donate whatever we were carrying out at the time so that someone in need could use them rather than having them collect dust in the house. Most of them time, we were able to convince mom it was for the best to put the stuff in the truck to be donated rather than to hang onto it, but there was some stuff that mom was adamant that we hang onto.

      Eventually, me and my sister had the bed of the truck loaded as full as it could be and were ready to take the load to a local charity to donate it. When we told mom that the truck was full of stuff, she told us to go ahead and get in the truck and that she would be out in a few minutes.

      My sister and I then walked out of momís house to the new pick-up truck that had the U-Haul logo on it. When we got to the passenger side door, I opened it up and then stood off to the side so my sister could get in first. She didnít take the hint and stood by the back of the truck. When I pointed to the bench seat, she told me it was her day to choose her seat and she wanted the window so I needed to sit in the middle. I get in the truck and put the grey lap and shoulder belt on and then my sister gets and buckled-up after closing her door.

      Me and my sister then spend a long time in the cab of the truck waiting for mom to come out and drive us to take the stuff to donate. While we are waiting, my sister starts talking about our father and then starts trying to get me to share my feelings and talk about how I am doing dealing with things. I really do not want to talk about this as it is still too soon. As she keeps talking about this, her breath keeps getting worse and worse and is really overpowering and unpleasant to smell. I keep trying to change the subject, but she is fixated on talking about this so I am stuck listening to her talk about this and having to smell her breath. I stop responding to her, but she keep trying to get me to share my feelings and I keep having to smell her breath.

      Eventually, we see mom walking out of the house and towards the truck. Rather than going to the driver side and getting I, she makes a beeline to the bed of the truck and starts going through the stuff that my sister and I have loaded in the bed while we sit in the cab and wait for her to get in. I see her take a handful of stuff from the bed of the truck back into the house. She does this several more times. Since the truck has electric windows, my sister and I cannot roll them down to try to stop mom and are stuck watching her take stuff we had loaded into the truck back into the house. While mom is doing this, my sister stops fixating on getting me to share my feelings on our fathers passing and we start taking about how frustrated we both are that it is so difficult getting mom to let go of anything. As we keep talking, my sisters breath no-longer smells really bad and I am able to have a conversation with her without even noticing it. The wait also doesnít seem as bad as it did earlier in the dream since we are talking though things I find important.

      While we are still talking, my sister elbows me and tells me mom is locking up the house and about to get into the truck and we need to stop talking about her. I then turn my head and see mom walking towards the cab of the truck and then unlocking and opening the driver side door. She then sits down in the driver seat on my left side and then closes her door.

      While mom is working on getting the mirrorís adjusted, she accuses my sister and I of trying to get rid of some of our fatherís stuff without asking her permission. As she keeps complaining to use, I notice her breath is even worse than my sisters was earlier in the dream. Mom keeps voicing her displeasure to use for several more minutes after she has the mirrors adjusted.

      Eventually, she is done with her lecture and turns the key to start the truck. The battery sounds really weak and after a few cranks is completely dead. We all 3 get out of the truck and then mom decides this is some kind of sign that she is not supposed to get rid of dadís stuff and tells my sister and I to take everything back into the house and put it where we found it. Both me and my sister have a really defeated feeling know that all of our work to go through our fatherís stuff and get it donated to those who could use it was all for nothing and we now have to waste our time putting everything back in the house. I woke up from this dream while me and my sister were trying to talk mom into letting us donate some of the stuff that none of us would ever need and mom being insistent that we put it back where we found it.

      I think this dream was definitely related to some real life frustration I am feeling with my mother hording all of my fathers stuff and refusing to deal with donating it to those who could really use it, especially in the current time when there are so many people in need.
    5. Walking around the city for magic | [26.08.2020]

      by , 08-26-2020 at 02:32 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Walking around the city for magic
      I am walking around the city with my mother for some reason. We go through houses, and in the dream that confuses me, and I also had problems recalling how we even got into the house every time we entered one (I should've gotten lucid right there, ugh). At some point, it might have had something to do with the series Charmed. In some house I saw a girl play animal crossing, and her parents watched. They also seemed to like the game. My mother told me that they're filming the trailer. In an adjacent room or maybe adjacent house they're preparing to film some trailer about animal crossing that seems to be horror-themed for some reason. I remember already seeing the trailer. A girl sits on a couch and she just bends her head backwards as if she fell unconscious or something, and they'd zoom into her face and behind her is a TV playing a video on loop. It would be framed so that it would look like her unconscious face is floating in front of the images zapping by as creepy and intense music played, like House of Leaves from Kevin MacLeod. At the end I met my friend Steven on a sidewalk
      and he looked pretty different. We were happy to see each other. My mother told us something. At some point I also got home with my father, half-naked for some reason. There were also some personal parts at some point.



      Got a bit closer to doing a mantra, but still forgot. I guess I am just too stressed, and will be for a long time, so I'll just try to do something.
    6. Talking fragment | [21.08.2020]

      by , 08-21-2020 at 03:55 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Talking fragment
      In the dream I seem to have woken up and am lying in my bed and my mother sitting close beside me and I start talking about some private important topic and she's surprised.



      Once again I forgot to do my mantra... sort of. I made progress. I was about to do my mantra but I forgot what it was and then forgot and fell asleep.
    7. Another car dream last night

      by , 02-29-2020 at 08:43 PM
      I had another car dream last night after not having any memorable dreams the night before. This was the 4th time in the last 5 nights I have had the dream.

      In last nights dream, I again tired listening to my sister while we waited in the car for mom even though her breath reeked like it always does. Whenever my sister talked, what I heard her say were things reminding me that we were waiting in the car for mom and that she was in the window seat and I was stuck in the middle. I did not pick-up on her saying anything important. Just rubbing in how much she was enjoying riding by the window. At one point while we were waiting for mom, I turned around to look at the back seat and saw it was full of boxes so there was nowhere for me to sit back there. I eventually tuned out my sister and tried to ignore her because she wasn't saying anything important and what she was saying was just making the wait worse. She started putting her head on my shoulder and invading my space when I tried to ignore her.

      When mom finally got in, she spent a long time trying to get the car started in the dream. Again, she kept telling me I needed to calm down while she was trying to get it started and said things like she was in control, she was doing the best she could, and that she would get the car started. I noticed her breath reeked whenever she was getting after me. She got out 2 or 3 times last night to look under the hood and each time made it clear that I needed to stay in the car and stay buckled to the middle seat. She seemed to get more and more frustrated about the car not starting as the dream went on. I woke up from the dream while mom was in the car trying to start it.
    8. 3rd Night of the Car Dream

      by , 02-28-2020 at 01:51 AM
      I had the car dream last night, the 3rd night in a row after not having it for few weeks.

      I was already buckled to the front center seat of the reliant when the dream started and was by myself waiting for my mom and little sister.

      Soon my sister was opening the passenger side door and then sitting down in the passenger seat to my right. She quickly closed her door then buckled the tan shoulder belt. Her breath stunk like it always does. A few times I heard her talk while we were waiting for mom, but I never heard her say anything that seemed important. When I tried to listen to her talk, I would hear her say things like "I just love being able to look out the window"; or "don't you wish you could stretch out you legs like I can" when she put her tan sandals on the glove box; or "isn't it fun that we both get to ride up front with mom"; or "mom will be out when she is ready, you need to be more patient". It seemed like everything she said just reminded me that we were waiting in the car and she had the window seat and I was stuck in the middle. I eventually started trying to tune her out, because I didn't like hearing what she was saying and couldn't completely ignore her breath when she talked. She kept invading my space again and putting her head on my shoulder when I tried to ignore her. I just wanted mom to come out of the house and get in the car so we could go. I kept looking towards the house to see if I could see mom, but every time I looked, she was nowhere to be seen.


      When I was focusing on the tan steering wheel and the gauges on the dash, I hear my sister say "mommy is coming" and then turned me head to see her by the driver side door looking through her purse for the keys. When she found them, she unlocked the door and then sat down in the driver seat to my left.

      I don't think I said anything to mom about taking so long, but after she closed her door, she told me I needed to be more patient. I noticed her breath reeked like my sisters when she was taking to me and felt really trapped because I could feel my sister putting her head on my shoulder while mom got in my face.

      When mom finally had all the mirrors adjusted, she reached to turn the key but the car didn't start it just made the buzzing sound and the dash lit up with red lights. After several more cranks mom got in my face again and told me she was doing the best she could and I needed to calm down. As I watched mom pumping the accelerator and turning the key, I could feel my sister trying to put her arm around me. I woke-up from the dream while I was jerking my body forward to try to get away from her.
    9. Return of the car dream after a 1 night break

      by , 02-07-2020 at 02:10 AM
      After a break on Tuesday night, where I had a strange dream about being chased by a mob of vegan socialists the car dream returned last night.

      The wait in the car was like it has been since the dream returned where my sister is invading my space trying to get me to talk with her and it is all I can do to avoid her nasty breath.

      What I remember the most from last nights dream was my mom while she was trying to get the car started. In addition to being frustrated that the car was not starting, she was taking a break from trying to start the car after every few cranks to tell me that I needed to calm down. I don't think I was doing or saying anything while she was trying to get the car started, but for some reason she kept making it a point to let me know I needed to calm down and relax. She also kept saying things like that she was doing the best she could do and that she knew she would get it started. I have never really noticed moms breath in the dream but when she was invading my space telling me I needed to calm down, her breath smelled just as bad as my sisters always does. She got out to look under the hood a few times and each time made a point of telling me to stay buckled in my seat. As always happens, I woke up while mom was still trying to start the car.

      Not sure why mom kept telling me to calm down or why her breath reeked when she said this.
    10. Strange changes to recurring Mother, Sister, Car dream after trying lucid dreaming to move it along

      by , 01-10-2020 at 03:52 AM
      I have tired to use Lucid Dreaming on the dream about being in my grandads old Reliant with my sister and mom.

      The first night I tried it was Tuesday (01/07). The dream started out as always with my waiting in the car by myself buckled to the middle of the front seat with my sister then getting in and sitting down in the window seat not long after. In all of the previous dreams, my sister and I have spent at least 20-30 minutes in the car before my mom surfaces from the house. In this dream, my sister was trying to start a conversation with me a few minutes after she got in and her breath smelled really bad like it always does. I kept trying to tune her out and ignore her, but I just couldn't avoid smelling her breath. Finally, I had enough and reached to honk the horn on the steering wheel to let my mom know that I had been waiting long enough and she need to come out of the house and get in the car. I kept honking until she finally got the hint and came out of the house. Rather than getting in the car, she spent several minutes working in her garden in the back yard and then walked right by the car again and went back into the house. My sister and I had to wait for another 30 minutes before my mom finally came back out. While we were waiting, my sister keep getting in my face telling me it was my fault we were having to wait so long because I honked the horn. I was forced to smell her breath because she was coming into my space to make sure I knew she was not happy. I thought about trying to get out of the car to get away from her, but the drivers side door was locked and I couldn't unfasten the seatbelt because my sisters leg was blocking the buckle. When mom finally came back out and got in the car, the first thing she did was to get after me about honking the horn. This was the first dream where I ever noticed her breath and it was just as bad as my sisters when she was telling me how rude and disrespectful it was that I did that and she was hurt and would be really embarrassed if neighbors heard it. When my mom started trying to get the car started, it was the longest I can ever remember that part of the dream lasting. She got out at least 3 times to look under the hood and try to figure out why it wasn't starting. If I had woken-up a little later, I wonder if she would have given-up and I would have gotten out of the car.

      I tried Lucid Dreaming again last night (Wednesday 01/08). The dream started as I always does, but this time I noticed the car smelled really bad which I had never noticed before. After my sister had gotten in and closed the door, she also commented that something smelled although her breath smelled worse than the car when she talked. We waited in the car for the usual 20-30 minutes before mom came out of the house. My sister tried to carry on a conversation a few times and I kept ignoring her because I did not want to have to smell her breath when she talked. Unlike last night, she stayed in her space the entire time we were waiting like she normally does so it was easier to ignore her and tune her out. After mom got in, closed her door, and was adjusting the mirrors she noticed something smelled bad and asked me and my sister if one of us had maybe stepped in poo. We both denied it and I wasn't that worried since I hadn't been in the grass. As always, the car didn't want to start any my mom started to try pumping the accelerator after a few cranks. This didn't do any good, but she kept pumping the accelerator and turning the key and I kept hoping that the car would start up on the next crank, but the red lights kept lighting up and I kept hearing the buzzing sound rather than the engine running. While mom was pumping on the accelerator before trying another crank, her foot slipped out of her clog and she leaned her head down to put it back on. When she did this, she noticed that there was poo on my shoe. While mom continued to keep trying to get the car stated, my sister opened her door and got out and then I unbuckled from the middle seat and got out of the car to clean my shoe. I woke-up from the dream while I was in the back yard cleaning my shoe and could hear mom still trying to start the car while I was doing this. I don't know what ended-up happening with the car, but this was the first time ever in the dream that I was not buckled to the middle seat.
    11. Another night of the Mother, Sister, and Car dream

      by , 01-08-2020 at 03:05 AM
      I had the same dream I have been having last night about being in my grandads old Reliant K Car with my mother and sister. This was the 6th night in a row I have had it and the 8th time in the last 10 nights.

      The dream started as always where I am alone in the Reliant buckled to the center of the tan vinyl front bench seat. Around the time I had finished checking my surroundings, my sister is walking towards the car and then opening the passenger side door and sitting next to me. We had the usual really long wait for mom where I try to avoid talking with her because her breath reeks and I have to smell it when she speaks. She tried to start a conversation a few times while we were waiting, but I just ignored her and turned the other way so I would not have to smell her breath. I really cannot remember what she was saying during this time.

      There was a change to last nights dream when mom was walking to the car. In every other dream, my mom has not surfaced until she is closing up the house and getting in the car. She has always been out of site in the house the entire time my sister and I are in the car waiting for her.

      In the dream last night, I looked over my should and saw her walking down the steps towards the car. Before she got to her door, I heard her answer to someone and then turn around and walk to our neighbors yard. My sister and I had to wait a while longer while she talked to her neighbor. I remember my sister and I talking about how rude it was that she was leaving us in the car and being willing to tolerate her breath while we talked about it.

      When my mother got in the car, there was the usual adjusting of the mirrors and then trying to get the car started. I woke up from this dream not long after she had started pumping the accelerator to try to sped up getting the car started.
    12. My Mom Cats Dream Came 2 Mine 4 DILDS

      by , 01-07-2020 at 09:12 AM (Inner World حلم Gamma Waves)
      Had 4 Lucid dreams, it was lit.
    13. Recurring Dream involving my mom, sister, and old car

      by , 01-07-2020 at 04:38 AM
      I keep having a vivid recurring dream takes place in spring 1994 and I am 15 years old. I am in my grandads old Tan 1983 Plymouth Reliant K Car. I am buckled in the front middle seat and the car is parked in my parentís driveway. Soon my 11-year-old sister is opening the passenger side door and sitting down in the passenger seat next to me. She is wearing the same pink hypercolor shirt, red overalls, and tan sandals that she always wears in the dream(one of her favorite outfits during that time). She closes the passenger side door and then buckles her seat belt.

      For most of the dream, my sister and I spend waiting in the car for mom to come and get it. We are both buckled-up and ready to go and just need her to get in. We always spend a really long time waiting. Probably around 20 Ė 30 minutes. During this time my attention sifts between looking through the windshield at our backyard; looking at the gauges on the dash board, the tan steering wheel, and empty tan vinyl drivers seat; watching at my sister blowing on her shirt so it will change colors & putting her feet on the glovebox; looking at the a/c controls and radio that are by my knees; and looking over my left shoulder towards the back door of our house to see if I see mom getting ready to come out. I try to avoid have any conversations with my sister while we are waiting for mom as her breath reeks and I will have to smell it if she talks.

      Eventually, mom is unlocking the drivers side door and sitting down in the drivers seat next to me. She puts the key in the ignition and the car makes a buzzing sound until she closes her door. She then always spends a long time adjusting the mirrors. Once she has them adjusted, I see her hand reach for the black key in the ignition and turn it so start the car. The car fails to start as I see the dash illuminated with red lights and her the buzzing sound again. Mom keeps turning the key trying to start the car, but it doesnít want to start. I am focusing on her hand turning the key, the red lights on the dash, and the buzzing sound. Eventually she starts pumping the accelerator with her brown clog, but each crank still ends with the red lights on the dash, the buzzing sound, and the engine failing to start. I keep watching her pump the accelerator and turn the key hoping it will start on the next crank.

      In the dream last nigh, after several cranks and no luck starting the car mom became concerned that she had left the coffee pot on and when into the house to check, leaving me and my sister in the car. When she got back to the car, she tried pumping the accelerator and truing the key several more times but did not have any luck. After several more minutes of trying to start the car, she decided to go look under the hood and left us in the car for a few minutes. I woke up for the dream when she was turning the key the first time after closing the hood and getting back in. I have not idea if the car ended-up starting or if she had to give up.
    14. Problematic Bus Trip with my Mother

      by , 12-10-2019 at 09:15 AM
      Morning of December 10, 2019. Tuesday.

      Dream #: 19,349-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min.



      My mother and I were to get off the bus in Northside La Crosse in the afternoon. There is a distraction, and we remain en route to Southside La Crosse. My mother is annoyed (though this is illogical, as she seems more aware than I am in this dream and should have been aware of an upcoming bus stop).

      My non-lucid dream has robbed me of my identity, which is typical. There is no recall of my mother dying in 2002 and no recall of any factor in my life since the 1980s, and yet my dream self feels perhaps 40 years old. Ultimately, this is not deliberate in a specific sense, but a result of incidental synaptic gating. However, synaptic gating works in a way to avoid a valid waking-life recall until the final gating factor with full consciousness. My non-lucid dreams are also the opposite of waking-life correlation (unless prescient or transpersonal). The trip from Northside La Crosse to Southside La Crosse would be typical in real life, as we already lived in Northside La Crosse, so my dreamís situation is ridiculous, that is, the direct opposite of the truth.

      My dreamís induction is all about imaginary proprioception. When I try to get off the bus from its right, even though other passengers get off (including my mother), I only see a small opening, about two-thirds the size needed. This event is the wall mediation factor (that occurs throughout every sleep cycle). It indicates that I cannot move my physical body as I sleep (and although my waking orientation is usually to the right as I sleep on my left side, there is an additional factor here, explained later). I complain to the driver that I cannot get off the bus (either move my real body or yet correlate my imaginary dream body with my dream selfís perception). Another opening appears to the left of the first, about where real bus doors would be in America. It is more like a door, but irregular, still not big enough for me to get off the bus. I become slightly more dream-cognizant and teleport to where my mother is standing, near a group of people. We are at the post office (potential for enigmatic space or liminal space communication).

      I start complaining about having lost my bag of books (cognitive arousal). I consider someone else might have taken them. My mother informs me that they are near where she is standing. Although I pick them up, this focus vanishes in the next scene.

      We have to go back to Northside La Crosse, our original destination. I decide to go in a particular direction (that is fictitious). I instinctually summon water reinduction (virtual melatonin mediation). A beautiful river is on our right as we walk along a narrow road as my dream vivifies. We reach an area where we need to go up a slope. (This feature stems from the summoning of imaginary proprioception and vestibular system correlation that occurs in all longer dreams at one point or another, though I often use a staircase.) My dreaming experience vivifies again, just on the threshold of lucidity. However, I consider my mother will not be able to ascend the slope, so my cognizance (and imaginary physicality) decreases.

      We somehow end up back near the La Crosse post office. A bus goes by, stopping briefly at an intersection (RAS autosymbolism of synaptic gating). This time, the doors are on the left and appear correct (big enough to get on and off the bus). I call out to my mother, ďThis is how buses should be.Ē (Why did I say this? Because with the synaptic gating event, I attain a subliminal recall that only buses in Australia look like this. However, I am still not aware of my true identity or the recall I live in Australia in real life.)

      In the final scene, my mother boards a bus, saying it is the one we should take (back to Northside La Crosse), though I have my doubts. When we are on the bus, all I see are male and female students (all wearing the same uniforms as in an Australian school) from about sixth to eighth grades. I am uncertain if this is where we should be. This final synaptic gating event implies increasing cognizance (students going to school). Even though the students are Australian, I am not conscious until the last process. In hot weather, achieving consciousness (from the dream state) is more sluggish, validated by neuroscience.


      Tags: books, bus, mother, river, slope
      Categories
      non-lucid
    15. Just an anxiety dream..? [Adult]

      by , 08-13-2019 at 02:28 PM
      It's night, and I'm in a bed, but besides that I'm not certain where I am.

      I'm in bed with Isata, an ex-coworker and maybe still-friend; in the past she's
      told me that she feels comfortable being open with me and putting her trust in
      me, and perhaps that's why in the dream we're sharing a bed (and a lack of
      clothes), having a - very slightly - flirtatious conversation and are playfully
      touching before cuddling to go to sleep - I don't receive from the dream the
      impression that we're anything more than just friends.

      She needs to do something - I was- and am- not certain what - and whilst I'm
      still in the bed she kneel/walks on top of it, deliberately pausing when her
      legs are apart above me and her crotch is close to my mouth; in spite of that,
      she's surprised and angry when I try to begin to perform oral sex on her.

      Things abruptly change - it's still night, but now I'm standing in the dining
      room at my grandmother's house; I'm still naked - and now in a state of arousal
      - but I don't seem to be perturbed by either of those things.

      Whilst it's still night, my grandmother's house is partly on a
      heavily-trafficked road, so there's sufficient second-hand artificial light to
      see almost every detail in the room, and my mother - who also doesn't seem to be
      perturbed by my nakedness or state of arousal - points out that there's a wasp
      clinging to the net curtain; I try to kill it by crushing it with a scrunched-up
      tissue and a jam jar or the lid of a jam jar, but it flies away, and I'm not
      able to see where.

      I awake with a start, my heart pounding, not because of a fear of the wasp, but
      because of Isata's earlier reaction to me.

      ---

      A few thoughts:

      * Whilst the dream was far from a "wish fulfilment" dream - indeed, I don't
      remember ever having a "wish fulfilment" dream - the relationship in the dream
      is, I think, very close to my ideal sexual relationship: not a relationship
      where sex is always a gesture of unplumbable romantic love; and - in spite of my
      being an incel - definitely not a relationship where my partner is
      more-or-less a living sex toy; but a relationship where sex is relaxed and
      playful, two open and trusting friends trying to have fun.

      * My wanting to perform oral sex on a girl I'm friends with, and so care about,
      is not out of character for me - I likely learnt about cunnilingus before I
      learnt about (male or female) masturbation, and, as a "safe" and "clean" way of
      giving pleasure to a friend, it's something I've always wanted to try.

      * However, my trying to kill a wasp is at least a little out of character for
      me, as I'm pretty non-violent and, indeed, I prefer not to kill wasps if I'm
      able to avoid it.
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