Recent DJ Posts

12/03/13

A Father's Betrayal
I am standing out in a parking lot at night. I am not myself, and I am completely non-lucid. My name is Amelia. I keep thinking about mistakes I made. I shouldn't have gone outside the safety of the walls of the military base. But I'd just felt so cooped up. I'd longed to feel the ocean breeze instead of smelling the stagnant exhaust of the military vehicles. And the zombie infestation had been cleared from the area. So what could be the danger? I'd forgotten about the biggest threat of all... Alex Mercer. But even if I had thought of that, what interest would he have in a 25 year old college student? I was supposed to be off at school, but I'd gotten stuck here when I had been visiting my father at the time of the outbreak. Yet here I was, in the middle of a parking lot with a strange tendril wrapped around my waist like a tether, waiting for my father's response to Alex's terms for my safe release. Alex just wanted some dumb serum. Of course my father would turn it over, I was the most important thing in his life. Sure, he had been preoccupied with his work lately, but nothing would come between us. Wow... if Alex keeps his word and releases me I will get hell for leaving the base. I'll never hear the end of it. I am mindlessly playing with the tendril on my waist, secure but not uncomfortable, interesting texture, wondering what is taking so long. What if they don't have the serum Alex wants?

Then I hear my father responding, I'm sure not much time has really passed, it just feels like that. My father is saying someone will be right out with the serum... but that's not what he said! Did he just tell Alex to go fuck himself? For a bit there is no response from Alex. My father must have a plan. That must be it. I can tell Alex isn't happy with the response. The tendril around my waist tightens uncomfortably, but only briefly, then it relaxes again like it was just a reaction to Alex being annoyed. Alex asks my father if he really wants to watch his daughter die. My father responds that Alex can do whatever he wants with me. Kill me… eat me… fuck me if that's what he wants. Alex would get nothing from him. He wouldn't turn over last week's shopping list. I am in shock… did my father just say he doesn't care if Alex kills me?

I feel like my knees are about to give out, but before I collapse I feel the tendril around my waist pulling at me, pulling gently, though. Soon I am standing beside Alex. Somewhere in my mind I am thinking he's probably going to kill me now, hoping he will at least make it quick, but the foremost thought in my mind is how could my own father betray me like that. I am silently crying, my knees give out completely, but I don't collapse. Alex is holding me up. The tendril around my waist is withdrawn, now I feel Alex's arms around me. Is he hugging me? No… he must be consuming me, that's how he's going to kill me. But nothing happens. I am crying on Alex Mercer's shoulder. I hear his voice in my ear, but it sounds distant and I don't understand what he is saying. What I do realize is that he is speaking in a comforting tone. Maybe he's not going to hurt me? Then I hear him talking to my father again, saying maybe my father would reconsider when Alex started sending me back to him piece by piece. So much for not hurting me… Immediately after he finishes saying that, however, it's back to the comforting whispers again. I strain to hear what he's saying. He doesn't mean it. He'll keep me safe. He promises. He keeps repeating that while he holds me close. I hear him mutter something about sending my father pieces of a dead body, but that won't hold up if they test DNA. Damn, he'll have to get the serum some other way.

Then my father's voice drowns out Alex's whispers. He repeats that he doesn't give a shit what Alex does to me. He says I am of no use to him. Maybe he thinks if he convinces Alex I am worthless to him that Alex will just release me and go away? That seems like an awfully risky thing to assume… My father is yelling at his own people now. He asks them what they're just standing around for? Mercer is right there in the open! Kill him! There are some voices that aren't loud enough for me to understand what is being said, then my father yelling again. What part of "she is of no use to me" did you not understand?! Open fire! I feel a quick movement as Alex turns away from my father and the base, bending both of us over and standing hunched over me. I look and see a shield has formed on his back that looks a bit like a spiked turtle shell. Bullets are ricocheting off of the shield. There is a lull in the gunfire, they are probably reloading… or preparing larger weapons. Alex is muttering some expletives and I think they are about my father. He tightens his hold on me and tells me to hold on to him as tight as I can. I wrap my arms around behind his neck. He seems to be tensed up as if about to spring, but he says to hold on tighter, as tight as I can manage. So I do, holding on so tightly that I would think it would be hurting him. But he doesn't seem to notice. Then he launches into the air, practically flying up the side of a building as I hear more gunfire and explosions around us. A couple more jumps and we are well out of range of any weapons at the base.

Alex has stopped running and jumping, so I let go of him. I try to pull away from Alex, I really just want to get away from him and find someplace I can be alone. Alex holds on to me. Of course. What had made me think he was going to just let me go? My father had failed to meet his terms… flat out refused to even consider it. I try a bit harder to pull free, but it's clear I won't be able to do it. Alex holds me closer and says to just relax, he's not going to hurt me. He says the things he told my father he would do to me was all talk, trying to shock the bastard into cooperating. It hadn't worked. He says not to worry, though, he is not going to hurt me. He says I had better stick around, though… there have been some zombies moving back into the area, but they won't get anywhere near me as long as he is there. He lets go of me now, and then paces around the roof we are on for a few minutes. He seems to be thinking about something very hard. He stops and looks over at me. I don't like the look on his face. But he quickly looks away, shaking his head and muttering something, I hear him say there has to be another way. He seems very upset about something.

I can't help it any longer and I ask what the serum he wanted is for. He looks over at me as if surprised I'm still there. He then says he needs it to cure his sister Dana. He says without the serum she will die. He goes back to pacing around the roof. Oh… his sister is sick… I guess maybe a lot of people would do whatever it takes to save a loved one. I stand there in silence for a bit. So it looks like both Alex and I will be losing someone we love. Without the serum Dana would die, and I as I feel right now my father is dead to me. I hear his voice in my mind again saying I am of no use to him. I think about it a bit longer and then something occurs to me. My father has always been a bit paranoid that someone would steal or sabotage his work. To prevent that, he has always kept a backup copy of all his data on a hidden hard drive on his home computer. Surely he has the data on the serum Alex needs. I ask Alex if the chemical formula for the serum would be helpful. My father has always said as long as he has the chemical formula, the samples are just extra insurance. Alex stops pacing and looks over at me again. He asks if I have that formula, I see a glimmering of hope in his eyes. I tell him I don't have it, but I can get it. I just need a computer with wireless capability. Alex says he knows a place and comes over to me. He crouches down and says I should get on his back and hold on at tight as I can. I put my arms around his neck and hold on. He is holding onto my legs so I am riding piggy-back. He says to hold on tighter. I hold on a little tighter, but after all I have my arms around his neck… He asks if I am actually concerned about holding on too tight… because if I am, don't be. It would take someone much stronger than me to choke him. Ok… so I hold on as tight as I can, and he launches into the air for what turns out to be a very exhilarating ride.

A short time later Alex lands on top of what looks like an apartment building. There is a hole ripped in the wall of one of the apartments and we go in through there. There are several computers along one wall along with bulletin boards filled with notes and maps. The notes and maps mean nothing to me. I sit down at the computer and turn it on. It boots quickly since it had been in standby mode. Whoever had used it last had left it on when they left. Once online I go to the wireless connection. I wonder at first if I'll be able to access the network. But I needn't have worried, Blackwatch has turned all of New York into a wi-fi zone so they can communicate. And there aren't many civilians left who would know how to access it. Once on the network I have no problems navigating to my father's personal computer. As long as he isn't in the office, he won't notice the computer receive the remote power-on command. And he is surely still on duty. There is a password to get into his computer. I think about it for a bit and then use my mother's name. Access denied. I enter my mother's name and birthday. Access denied. No, he wouldn't make it that easy. So I enter my mother's name backwards and then her birthday. Access granted. Yes! Now to access his hidden drive. Finding the drive is easy, but it has another password. I use the same password… access denied. I guess it couldn't have been that easy. Then I realize it is just looking for a number. I use my mother's birthday. Access denied. Her birthday backwards. Access denied. Shit! It says one more failed attempt results in the system being locked down. Gotta make this one count. I am a bit too aware of Alex looking over my shoulder. Even though he hasn't done anything to hurt me and it doesn't look like he will it makes me uneasy. And I need that password…

I fiddle around on the computer. I find a C# compiler. I fiddle around with code. Too bad I haven't studied code… But I find I know it anyhow! Somehow the information is just there, in my mind, like I've known it all along. (I know programming in my waking life, so that is probably where the knowledge came from.) I write some code quickly to sequentially search through numbers to identify a password. It then compares the number with the password in the database to determine if it is correct without submitting it and counting it as an attempt. I run the program, keeping my fingers crossed that it'll work. After a pause that is too long for my liking the computer finally flashes up the Access granted message. There is a list of directories that I don't understand. Alex points at one that says Batch 250 and says that's the one. I click that and he points at one that says 256b. I click on that and it opens up a list of files containing all sorts of information from the chemical composition of serum 256b to the results of experiments done with serum 256b. There is a final note on the bottom that said 256b was being terminated as a failed experiment. I stare at that word for a bit. Failed. Alex says something but I don't hear what. Right now I am thinking how my own father was willing to give up my life to protect a failed experiment. A fucking FAILED experiment! Alex carefully rolls my chair to the side and pulls another chair up to the computer. He types a quick email to a Dr. Ragland and sends off a couple of the files.

Alex leans back in his chair and sighs. He says he hopes that will allow Dr. Ragland to create an antidote for Dana. I tell him I hope she is ok. An email comes back from Dr. Ragland. It says that the files Alex sent are exactly what he needs, he will create and administer the serum right away. He says he will send another email when she is awake. I look through the broken wall into the night, which is now brightening into dawn. Now that the action of hacking into my dad's computer has passed, I am just depressed again at the way he betrayed me. I slump down in my chair, feeling like crying but no tears actually come. Alex moves his chair closer and says if it means anything, he'd never had any intention of hurting me. It doesn't mean much… I say there's no way my sperm donor could have known that. I don't want to call him my father. He gave up that title when he told Alex to go ahead and kill me. I look over at Alex, right into his blue eyes which look a lot more caring than I would have expected after the horrible things I have heard about him. But it's looking like maybe I can't believe everything I hear, especially from sources such as Blackwatch and Gentek. Alex puts his arms around me and holds me close, trying to comfort me in my depression over my father's betrayal. And it is helping. It feels nice to be held. I somehow feel safe here, and suddenly very tired. I drift off to sleep in Alex's arms and wake up in my own bed.

Total sleep time: 8 hrs

Pre bed: Q10, probiotics, and cup of green tea (no problem falling asleep after yesterday's insomnia)

Other stuff: The guys had a planned event for today morning, so my chances to get some decent sleep and lucid were minimal, and yet...

Recall: As soon as I woke up, so did my bf and realized he's really late, started running around and talking to me as I tried to remember and write down the dreams. Took me a while to finish that.

Dream1: My parents have abandoned our home, and the place is falling apart. I go to the restroom and try flushing, but there is no water. It is because there was a leakage, so they have stopped the water. I wonder why don't they just fix everything instead of leaving it like that. My mom appears and says it is time for us to go.

On our way out we see an older friend of ours and ask her how she is doing. She replies very briefly, so I ask her about her son, I actually say the wrong name, but in the dream that's his name. She then begins a very long story that I don't feel like listening to, and I regret ever asking her. I tell her to send my greetings to him although I could contact him myself.

Soon her son/my friend comes by and we are drinking apple juice. As I pour myself some juice, I notice that there are insects like a dead yellow ladybug and some insect eggs the jug, and decide I won't be having any more juice. My friend is a bit offended that I don't want to drink the juice and we now have to throw it away. I leave the building, he remains to deal with the juice, but will join me later.

I am on the street, I hear music and I see native Americans perform at the end of the street. The come to the front, wearing traditional costumes. I also see some bright spots with different colors about half the size of a person above each of them and assume I am seeing their aura. I enjoy the show, they sing and perform some stunts. When it is over, I notice that I am the only person clapping hands so I feel a bit embarrassed. Why is nobody applauding? I conclude that if you do applaud, you are supposed to leave some money, and as I check my pockets I find that I don't have any.

Dream2: My bf is negotiating with my dad about a place we want to visit. Actually I have not told my dad about this so it gets a bit awkward. We postpone the discussion for another time and my dad is on his way home. He is taking a bus, and I am looking at the back of the bus, expecting to wave goodbye. He finally looks back and I see that he is talking to a friend of his, and there is also some unknown woman that he is friends with.

I suddenly find myself sitting on the backseat of the bus, and two of my friends are also sitting with me there. We propose an explanation that this bus is very spacey, so when we thought we were outside, we actually never left the bus. Ok, but we need to get out, especially that we know that this is a travel bus, and won't be making any stops until it reaches its destination. We go to at least try to inform the driver we need to get off.

As we move forward, we are in some kind of a building, but in our minds, we are still in the bus. Our goal is to reach the reception, so once we reach it, we will be able to leave the bus. The building is very strange, I am looking at some building plan, trying to navigate and find the way out. There are lots of doors and lockers, it looks really puzzling. I remark that everything looks so strange, it almost feels like in a dream. We continue looking around, I see some women working there as janitors and ask them where the reception is, but they can't help us.

One of my friends comes up with the idea that we need to inject ourselves with a time travel serum so we can escape this place. We prepare to do so, we have some syringes, the green time travel serum and start injecting ourselves with it. I get the largest dose, the serum is visible on hands, and our veins get extra green.

I am on some unknown street, and we have succeeded in changing the course of events and going back in time. I look at my fingers and notice that the knuckles have swollen, my fingers are bent in a very painfully looking way. This is strange, but I remember that some portion of the serum was in contact with my skin, which is what have caused this temporary side effect.

I take a brief moment and contemplate about time and what has changed. I look at a clothing store and I see that a guy that used to do something else before we changed time, is now famous and has his own label. I wonder about my memories because things have changed, would I know what has happened. I answer to myself, that I wouldn't but everybody else would have the new memory in place and I will learn what happened just as if I am listening to the news, that way I will get updated.

Dream3 DILD TOTM: I think this directly followed after our time travel. I enter in a room and notice a very old TV of a known brand and something that looks like a retro computer. The brand of the computer is also there, but it doesn't look familiar. I am in uplifted mood and say to some DC friend of mine. "Now we are going to have a look, have some fun reading the brand name and see if it changes". I stare at the logo, try reading it and expect to be normally able to read it.

Instead, I have difficulty focusing on the letters and it finally hits me! I really did not expect to become lucid today, but anyways I am happy about that. Oh right, once again time to concentrate on the tasks. My mind is a bit hazy, so I think I need to set the room for this, looking around for the items I need. I turn way too much and it feels more like spinning than looking around. I expect some mythological creature to just pop up while I do this, and mistakenly to see an egg as well. Nothing of the kind.

I notice at least five DCs sitting down, their backs facing me, as if they are all working on their PCs. I begin shouting, asking them to help me set the room and everything I need. Nobody is paying any attention to me. I become upset at this and finally decide to tell them they are not real. No reaction, their backs are really stiff. I repeat this again as if I am insulting them with those words. Finally, a girl with dark hair and vampire teeth answers back. I can barely hear what she is saying, she repeats it again " Oh, I am bla bla with fear". Bla bla is actually some m-word that does not exist at all. You are what? I ask her again. I repeat the strange m-word a few more times, trying to memorize it. It works but I begin to forget the dream. The vampire girl starts to laugh, and makes me laugh too. Overcame by happiness, I am able to control the DCs in the room and everybody bursts out laughing.

The dream fades and I am back in darkness, in my bed. I feel tired and heavy so no point to DEILD. I want to get up to journal, but fall asleep instead.

Dream4: I am in a classroom, and recognize at least one guy from school there. He is trying to tell me something, pointing at him, then at me. Me and him? No way, I tell him, then I realize that he is just pulling my leg. He continues with this strange stupid behavior and now tries to match a friend of his with another classmate of mine. These guys are crazy... (end)

I wake up, my bf wakes up, the whole world wakes up, and everybody is rushing around as I try to hold my dream memory and write it down. Finally TOTM!