Fell asleep meditating on the idea of lucidity, and a particular location ("Home Base"). I don't generally expect to attain lucidity during my first few periods of REM, nor do I really want to. Zoning out and just letting sleep happen is nice, in and of itself. I had some new forms of success and ran into some familiar problems... Had dreams. Don't recall them. I need to get better about writing stuff down, but don't want to disturb my boyfriend, either. I still don't feel like they were particularly vivid, coherent, or noteworthy... dreams from the first few hours of the night generally aren't. Settled back to sleep meditating on home base. Slipped into gray fog. At some point, attained lucidity... had the sense that it was near the very beginning of a dream because I have no recollection of a dream up until that point, but suddenly I was sitting at a table with a pile of colorful alphabet-letter magnets on it. I touched and examined them, and then the grey fog reclaimed the dream. I slowly woke up. Settled back down and began meditating again. Body slowly settled back into sleep; my limbs became numb and I felt like I was drifting. This is normally the point I'd have trouble with a WILD. At this point, I would normally try to start moving, sit up out of my body, and feel a way that I can only really describe as feeling "tangled in a blanket" - mentally flailing around but unable to really get anywhere or do anything, still stuck in the fog. Sometimes, it's instinctive, so it's been hard to shake the habit, but last night I was actually able to remain mindful and stay still. I felt as if I was drifting in a river. My body was numb and the idea of being attached to or "in" it was going away. I tried to sink into the river even more... I felt my head sink through the pillow and my body sink through the bed, and sank down into the gray fog. Drifted for a while. I watched the fog so that I didn't end up drifting out of lucidity. I waited for shapes to appear in the fog. Sometimes shadowy shapes would appear. This is normally where I might have trouble again - trying to will them to BE something, without anything really coalescing... wanting them to BE something... getting frustrated and exerting myself too much mentally and waking up as a result. This time, I just let them fade in and out. I still paid attention to them and tried to examine them, but I tried to remain as objective as possible - trying to see patterns and shapes in them without trying to force them to "be" anything. I knew that if I kept doing this, eventually I could coax one of them into reality. Eventually a shadowy room came into being, and became reality. I was standing in the living-room of my mother's old apartment in Florida. It didn't have any furniture and was fairly empty. The alphabet magnets from before were scattered on an end table in the center of the room. It felt pretty "solid". I examined the brown carpet and patted the wall. I walked through the room, toward the hallway, running my hand along the wall so that I didn't lose lucidity. I wanted to do a scene change - this place wasn't where I wanted to be, and it was boring. I walked up to the door and willed it to open to a location I actually wanted to be in (again, home base). I opened the door, and there was... another door? I opened that door, and behind it was another door. I felt irritated and opened that door, willing it to be the location that I wanted, but it opened into the apartment atrium. I walked across the atrium and opened one of the doors to another apartment. That door led back into the atrium. I got an idea - something told me to try to dive through a door and use it like a portal. I dove through a door and opened my eyes to my actual bedroom. I should have known that this was potentially a false awakening, but instead I just went back to sleep. I dreamed I was hanging out with a few of my friends. We were going to Full Throttle Bottles, but in the dream, Full Throttle was not the store I was familiar with, and it was not in the location where it would have normally been. Instead, we were all walking down a street full of nothing but liquor stores. We went into one of them and a friend bought a bottle of vodka that was in a bottle like a soda bottle and tasted like orange-flavored cream soda. I liked it, so I bought one myself. I kept thinking that it was odd that the store clerk hadn't carded any of us, but didn't manage to figure out that it was because this was a dream. We walked up to a place that looked kind of like a castle. It had brown, smooth bricks. I jumped down a wall and my friend grabbed my arm and jumped down with me. I remember thinking it was a very long way to jump and was surprised I hadn't hurt myself a lot, but reasoned that it was because my friend was taller and had held me up kind of like a balloon. I then dreamed about a flying cartoon skunk whose super power was smelling so bad that the odor killed evil things.
This dream started out with the king visiting, and my looking in our home bar for three types of liquor for the king. (We don't have a bar, nor a king in waking life But then the focus shifted, and I was looking for books to sell. I carried many of them to a garage sale to sell. They were very heavy. But once I got there I looked through them one more time, and decided I was not willing to part with most of them after all. And so the dream ends with me carrying my heavy burden back home.
This guy Ryan at school, he was REALLY fucking rich in my dream. I was going over to his house, which was in Utah but it was on the beach at the same time. I was using GPS on my phone to get over there, and I almost got in a car crash because of it. When I got there, his house was HUGE and he had his own private section of beach. His entire big ass extended family was there though, and I felt really overwhelmed by all of them, and for some reason I felt ashamed. I don't know why, I just remember that feeling. His dad gave me a new birth certificate, because I told him I disowned my family so I needed a new one. Ryan's whole family was really excited for me for doing that. Ryan also told me some really nice things, like that I'm compassionate and strong and in tune to the world around me. That was nice. I can't remember if this happened before or after. I was in a diner with Connor, Gaby, Jordan, who are all high school friends. We were having a good time, but the waitress was a total bitch. So I gave her feedback, SRA style. She actually understood, and was willing to take my advice. I think that came from doing resentments yesterday that centered around someone not taking my advice, but idk. There was another part where I was in a dorm at college, but it didn't look like the one I actually live in. I had started drinking again, and I had a HUGE stash of liquor in my closet. I wouldn't tell anyone about it, and I especially wouldn't share. I just remember being pissed in this part of my dream.
I'm at a bar/small supermarket in the beer section looking for the best thing to buy with the lowest price. Some girl approaches me and starts playfully flirting. She's really touchy feely and this chick kinda reminds me of Fergie on a good day. She tells me that I don't have spend any money on beer, and her friends could hook me up. No not only was she a good mind reader...she was hot. There was a table nearby that we went to, and everyone was pregaming. I ordered like three shots and a beer. The shots were vodka and grenadine, and they tasted like Kool-aid. The waitress immediately asks me if I want my next shot, and my spider-senses go off. Might get fucked up too quick...or maybe this shot is just weak...fuck. I decided to drink the next one, and the Fergie chick sat in my lap. The table we're sitting at reminds me of an outdoor picnic table and it's covered with a cheap plastic. The atmosphere has a very down to earth care free environment to it. We all start up a conversation, and cards becomes the main topic. I outright tell them that I'm no good, but I'm willing to play a few hands. In my mind, I think I can beat everyone, but I'm not sure how my money is looking. I know the guy is bluffing about how bad he is. He wouldn't have bought it up in the first place if it was. It seems like we may be going heads up...so not only will money be on the line, I don't want to look bad in front of this girl. She reminds me to relax and just have fun and I oblige. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Fucking phone wakes up in RL.......ugh.
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