Recent DJ Posts

Morning of March 9 2018. Friday.



My father is alive and appears as he was in the 1960s. I do not remember that he died in 1979. I am also not at all aware of my current conscious self identity. My age may be implied to be about thirty. I ride around in a car with him in late morning. The driver’s side is on the left, implying America.

There are a few repeated scenes. We mostly visit apartment buildings where gangsters supposedly live. No one is around but us until the last scene.

My father punches a wall and creates the impression of dampness and marks like small squid tentacles instead of fingers.

At one point, I watch a waterbed wiggle. A large squid apparently lives inside the mattress and the movement of the mattress’s surface is caused by this otherwise unseen squid. I am briefly, though not viably aware that I am dreaming, and I consider if this scene is autosymbolism as relating, as a precursor, to hypnopompic kicks (as did my donkey inside a mattress dream from Christmas of 2016, which crosses my mind as such very vaguely and briefly).

In the last scene, my father and I are standing in a hallway where a curtain is drawn across one area. An unfamiliar male moves the curtains aside and says my father has a doctor’s appointment.

---

Water usually represents, as autosymbolism, the essence of sleep, dream state induction (in fact, my most common form of induction since early childhood, occurring at least once every sleeping period), and the absence of emotion in unconsciousness. I suspect, curiously enough (from personal evidence), at least on one level, that a squid has something to do with augmented sexuality, however, as related to dream state reinduction (as a subliminal directive) rather than waking life. The problem with pretending that dreams are symbolically about waking life is in ignoring how the fictitious non-lucid dream self (personified subconscious, which lacks temporality and intelligence) is not the conscious self and that, even when non-lucid, I typically seek the understanding of the dream state rather than waking life, to develop clarity of mind. Plus, dreams are primarily autosymbolic in symbolizing the nature of biology, vestibular system ambiguity, transitions in unconsciousness, and consciousness reascension, so how could they viably relate to waking life in the way many people seem to believe (other than when additionally prescient or as literal carryovers)?

Other than being autosymbolic of the usual RAS mediation and the emergent consciousness factor (by way of preconscious personification), the last part of my dream regarding the doctor (looking into my dream self’s essence through the curtains, which is autosymbolism for the liminal space of the waking transition) is possibly literal and reflects my occasional focus on mortality, though hopefully not literally prescient yet. From experience, I know that my father now often represents my current conscious self identity even if it is otherwise not extant in the dream state. Still, I really had to go upon waking, and as a waterbed mattress is called a “bladder”, there may be a connection, though I had a dream about a squid on a mattress in 2015, and although there were pools of water on the bed, it was not a waterbed. Incidental associations are probably enough to trigger such a dream, though, especially in punching a wall (vaguely influenced by the 1980s movie “Altered States”), with a wall representing the autosymbolic barrier between fictitious dream self identity and conscious self identity.

---

I was in a bedroom that wasn't actually mine, but my waterbed was there along with a few other beds crammed into the room. There were a total of four other people in the room, four beds other than my own, there were two men and two women there, I knew them all as friends. It was larger bedroom than my room IWL, but it was still very crowded with five beds crammed in there. I was lying on my waterbed, fading in and out of sleep, when someone got my attention. It was one of the guys, he was boasting and bragging on how he pwned some mugger that had gone after him, he said he had pulled out his knife and gutted the guy, that sounded a bit violent to me… the worst part was that when he stated he had knifed the mugger in the gut, he drove his knife down into my waterbed, tearing a big hole in the mattress! I was pissed off at him, I told him he was paying for the new mattress, he said the leak was small and could be fixed. I got the leak repair kit out and tried to put a patch on the leak, but it was too big for that. I repeated to the guy that he would be paying for my new mattress.

I thought for a bit, trying to think of the name of the place I went to last time I needed a new waterbed mattress. I was annoyed at the fact I couldn't think of it since it hasn't been that long since I have gotten a new one. I couldn't think of the name, but I opened the phone book to the right spot to find the bed stores. I finally thought of the name… A Bedder Bed… and then I went straight to the phone number for the place. I picked up the phone beside my bed and was going to dial, but there was no dial tone on the phone… I immediately figured someone had forgotten to pay the phone bill. Well, I knew where the place was, so I would just go out and get the mattress. I pointed at the guy who had stabbed my bed, repeating one more time that he would be paying for my new mattress, which would probably be $70 to $90 dollars, so he had better have it ready. With that I got in my car and left the house, which was a place I didn't recognize at all, and headed to the main road.

As I left the house, I reminded myself that the house I had been staying at is downtown, so I would have to drive out from town to get to A Bedder Bed instead of in towards town. I drove along a couple of the roads, was force to take a detour by road construction, and then I proceeded to get completely lost in a really confusing neighborhood before I finally found my way back to the main road. I went to the shopping area where I knew A Bedder Bed was, pulled in to the parking area, and went to park in front of the store… but it was gone! It was seriously closed, there were boards over all of the windows, there were signs on the boarded windows and door that said the place was closed for good. Shit! Where was I supposed to get my waterbed mattress now? I saw what looked like a yard sale in the parking lot, so I went to check it out. There was a man selling off the remaining inventory of A Bedder Bed, so I looked for my mattress. Unfortunately I didn't find one… crap. The man said the stuff in questionable condition was in the trash dumpster out back, so I went there next. I was literally digging through the trash until I found a waterbed mattress that said Super Single, the size of my bed, and was still sealed in its packaging. I just hoped it would be ok.

So I got back in my car and drove back to the house, this time I managed to avoid getting lost. I was thinking I might just go ahead and tell the jerk who had stabbed my bed that he owed me some money, but maybe drop it to a round $50 and said it was a going out of business sale. I was debating as to if that would be an acceptable thing to do or if that would make me an asshole. I parked in front of the house and went in through the carport. There was a guy, not one of the ones from the bedroom earlier, sitting in a car with the engine running. I immediately noticed there was a hose going from the exhaust into the cabin of the car, he was in the process of killing himself! I went to the driver's door and I was going to do something when I realized the window was wide open. Actually, all of the windows were open. I asked the guy what was going on, he said life wasn't worth living so he was putting an end to it. I told him the windows were all open… he said yeah, he'd tried it with the windows closed, but the exhaust had smelled bad, so he opened them so his dying moments wouldn't stink. I figured that obviously he would never successfully kill himself like that. I told him that he was, however, wasting gas and putting off unnecessary air pollution for those of us left behind to deal with… so he should turn off the engine while waiting to die. He said I had a good point, no reason to ruin the environment for those of us left behind, so he turned the engine off. He leaned back in the driver's seat and continued waiting for his suicide attempt to work. I didn't bother telling him his attempt at killing himself was destined to be an epic fail.

I went into the house and looked for my waterbed, I found it was still filled with water. The asshole who had stabbed it was putting one final piece of duct tape on the mattress, which was practically entirely covered with duct tape. It looked like the entire mattress was made from duct tape. The guy looked at me and said my mattress was as good as new, so he wouldn't have to pay for my new one. I told him I didn't think that would hold, but if it did, then I would agree to that. He seemed happy and drank down a beer in one gulp, following it up with a loud burp. I didn't really want to hang out with these people right now, so I went to leave the house again. The guy who had been killing himself met me at the door and said he had decided against suicide. He said it just takes too long, and it's so damn boring! That completed his epic fail at committing suicide. I just shook my head as I walked out the door and woke up.