Recent DJ Posts

* The night before last I dreamt I was at school [one of my biggest DREAM SIGNS but still didn't get lucid]. I had a toy gun. It had an unusual extra cylinder underneath the barrel. This made me question whether it was the accurate replica it was supposed to be but a colleague just told me I was wrong and I accepted it [need to keep questioning more]. I tried to hide the toy in a bag, then things got really weird because I decided I needed to move over all the furniture in the room to make more space, to the point where it would start passing over the edge of the room into the next one!

* Last night was quite an odd dream scene as well. I was in some kind of bar area or lounge with quite a lot of people around. I think I was sitting at a table. A young woman was asking me to list hairstyles that I disliked. I really have no idea what was going on but I sensed that the people around me did. Perhaps it was some kind of wind-up.

This is a personal dream that I wouldn’t normally post, but I wanted to share one of these. This is a good example of a therapeutic lucid dream. It shows one of the ways you can benefit from lucid dreaming if you experience grief or other difficult emotions.

Warning: A lot of unpleasantness ahead.

—-

We went to my grandpa’s house since we happened to be there and I decided to real quick grab some more of my stuff like the office chair. We didn’t leave much there, but the office chair was the one big thing I left.

He wasn’t home. I deliberated skipping it, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to just go in and grab the chair so he wouldn’t have to worry about moving it.

I know how much I personally hate unannounced guests and I would never want someone doing this for me, but I keep thinking of how much he’s expressed difference from me in this way. It makes no sense to me, but he never cared about people just walking into his house. He used to refuse to put doors between rooms in his house, removing them any chance he got, and didn’t like locks—he’d never lock his house. He’d leave doors wide upon and get excited about the happy surprise if anyone like a neighbor just happened to walk in out of the blue. All the time he’d invite people to show up and do things for him when he wasn’t home, as if the very thought of (what I would consider) an intrusion delighted him.

So I went in and got the chair. It was already sitting by the door, affirming his intention to get rid of it.

He then pulled up just as we were leaving. He was pissed, but not because it bothered him that I walked into his house. He wasn’t truly bothered at all, but acted as such merely because it violated the boundaries he knew I had. My boundaries, which he found a way to weaponize in this moment. It was shallow anger laced with the “Gotcha” delight that almost overided it to a point where I couldn’t take it seriously.
“So we’re just walking into people’s houses now.” he said with a sneer, but he could barely take his own pseudo rage seriously and I could hear the laughter below out from behind it.
It was strange, though. Something wasn’t right.
He then turned to me and I saw glimpses of the nice grandpa I used to know as he held his arms out and hugged me. He said he was happy to see me, he loved me, and goodbye.
There was anger and spite still in him, directed at me at the same time.
I asked if he wanted some money to cover any potential bills.
I felt bad that I don’t have much now because we just moved, but I’d give him whatever I could.
He answered with two voices clearly speaking in unison. One said yes, that it would help. The other voice cheered with derision. “Ooh money, hehehe!” it chuckled, as if celebrating plundered goods despite me giving it freely. It made it sound like I was being robbed even though that’s not what this was. I owed him far more than I could give, and I wanted to help him more than anything.
I didn’t like how that voice made me feel gross helping him, so I ignored it. I gave him $100, silently promising I’d have more later, and hugged him again. I told him thank you, that I loved him. I knew it was stupid to cry, but did so anyway.
I hurriedly got back in the car after waving goodbye and could hear the deriding voice cheering and mocking me as it celebrated the money.
His other voice didn’t speak, but it was sad and watched us leave as if it wished it could leave, too.
I felt pulled in two different directions whenever I was around him lately, ever since we moved here.
I never used to feel this way.

As we pulled out of the driveway, I saw something sitting there. It was short and black, and it sat in a massive puddle of itself. Now that I looked at the house from outside, I could see it better. There was black grime everywhere. It was all over the property, having spread itself onto everything, a wet spiderweb of black goop. It was all over my grandpa too. His clothes, hair, and skin had little strings of weblike goop all over. It leaked out from inside his mouth and the corners of his eyes.
I thought about how, in waking life, there was always this strange invisible grime that follows him. It has a physical texture and smell, but I couldn’t see it. The only time I ever saw him without it was for a few years when he was practicing Buddhism. At that time, he was happier than I had ever seen him before.
He still keeps all the statues and pictures from his trip to Burma, but I avoid talking to him about Buddhism as it seems to anger him if it’s brought up.
Anyway in this dream I didn’t see it when I was in the house, but I could see the black grime clearly now from the car.

I looked down at myself, checking our car and things. We were clean. It wasn’t on us. I wasnt worried about it getting on us either, as I knew it didn’t want anything to do with us.

It had already tried over the course of the two years we lived there. That’s why it spited us, and wanted us gone.
I looked out the window at my grandpa, who watched us drive away.

“…I got manipulated, didn’t I?” I then turned and asked my partner.

“Yeah.” she said.

I nodded, not knowing why I asked other than to get her opinion, I guess.

For a moment, we couldn’t decide where to go, but ultimately we decided to go home to the new place.

2022-11-15
[night of] 2022-11-15

no recall in the earlier parts of the night, first two pee wakings nothing at all,
after that, some hint of some scenes, but forgotten

basic Huberman stack (1 magnesium instead of 3), no gaba/glycine, no tryp, yes ashwagandha, 66mg B6 (two caps), 21:30
BT 2256
OOB 0820
fitbit: 8:17 sleep, 1:10 awake, REM 1:23, deep 1:13, 86% below resting, 6% restless

earlier
+ some scenes, forgotten: cigars?

+ baseball [DS]: [twilight, DS] throw the runner out at first (but I'm throwing a sponge?) and I don't think I hit him in time. There's a little girl at bat and I yell out "look for bunts!" I'm imagining how I'm swinging the bat and really knocking the ball way out, like in grad school team, blasting line drives between 1st and 2nd, imagine running the bases, checking the fielding, and trying for 3rd, but what if there's a runner also on 3rd? He'd have to make room for me

later:
+ [long, fairly vivid sequence] outdoors, observing the dirt road at my [place in country], there's a truck driving by and I think it's watering the road, I suppose this is to prevent dust from rising, I follow it as it moves forwards and I'm watching it for signs of water spraying but don't really see much. It turns into an elephant(?) which moves down the road, and I don't want it to see me [DS], so I move to a side path and hang from the branches of a tree while it passes. I observe the road that goes by my house and it looks like they've widened the turf, cutting it back to make the road wider. I move on to my property and I'm looking at and examining the neighbor house. It looks familiar [false memory, nothing like my neighbor's house in waking], it's large, tall, reddish/pink in color, multi-story, I see the front door. I see something down in a low court yard area and I go to (pick it up?), and I notice that in a tall narrow stairway in the neighbor's house, with glass walls [DS!!!!] that you can see through, the neighbor (man and woman?) are standing together at the top floor of the stairway, (looking down at me?), I don't want to be seen [DS]. Up on the middle level, the neighbors come out of their house, there are a number of older women, one or two I recognize [false] as long-time neighbors. There is a guest, a venerable old noble woman, who comes out and sits down on a couch with difficulty, I kiss her hand in greeting, I greet them in [foreign language].

Moving back to the front courtyard, I see a boy and a girl playing in a small guard house. Then I'm on a bus with a man (neighbor)?, the bus is medium sized and full of people, the man is sitting in the row ahead of me, half turned facing me with his arm draped over the chair back in front of me, his arm and armpit are open and I think may be stinky (but don't smell anything), he's going somewhere, a museum (?), the bus makes a stop but he doesn't get off in time and I think he's missed his stop, and wonder what he'll do. I don't want to get off, I'm planning to ride the full route in a cycle to get back home again.

There's a young woman in front and to the left of me, I catch a glance at her bust, which is very attractive, I try to look for her again but don't see her.

Outdoors (back home or near home?) I'm staring to climb up on top of a fence or a railing / raised narrow path, and a young woman is there and talks to me and says that we'll be together, I don't particularly want to be with her so I turn around and head back, I slide down over the top of a container (like a garbage bin) that is open in the middle and I'm careful not to fall into the hole and there might be sharp edges. I noticed that on top of a neighboring bin, there is (garbage, food?) and some insects, including a fairly large spider with way too many lets, like 16-24 or more, evenly spaced out all around it's perimeter. No body to speak of, just a bunch of long, spider-bent legs. I think the director (of a film?) can do whatever he wants with his scenes, and that explains the spider.

One jamie dream that was like 1.5 seconds long... We both pulled into a parking lot of mcdonald's of where we both were working??? Oh hellll no.

matrix mall

I was in some game room and everyone was trying this virtual reality game. After spending some time in this ultra realistic virtual reality game I wanted to leave. I asked the npcs in the booth how to leave this place and they looked at me like "WTF" like it was real life. I asked "How do I leave here?" and they pointed to a door. Through the door I was in a mall. I kept telling people that we were all trapped in a virtual reality game and everyone was giving me dirty looks. I tried to prove it by flying around.

FA, I was in someone's yard and said I was glad to be back IRL again. I was somehow still able to fly. Later I was hiking in some caves with some kids and started flying again...