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Black void with nothing but a cigarette floating in the center and experience burning pain in my lungs.

I've never smoked in my life, by the way.

Possible backstory, I went to the club the day prior from 11 pm until 5 am and was awake for 24 hours at some point as I wake up at 5:30 for work. The club bad people smoking indoors and I was also hanging out outside where people occasionally smoked, sometimes the smoke blew in my direction so I probably accidentally inhaled some of it.

And I have been coughing all week, it wasn't anything new.

idk my dreams have been a little boring lately, or just dreamless as a whole.
A few days ago I woke up and couldn't even remember going to sleep, it was just a long vague hazy blur before my alarm clock went off.
My other dreams have been about my job, boring 9-5 stuff.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In an african country, can't identify which one. Visiting some family in a village, the kids love me and we are very good friends. They want to take me along to their daily activities. We hit the orange dirt road and I fear we may have to walk many many kms. Luckily the weather is very nice, not hot nor cold, just about right and the walking is very enjoyable. We cross paths with other kids from other villages at a crossroad and I realize this is not the remote area I first thought it was. Soon we arrive at another village and we drop the youngest at their school: then I walk with two oldest sisters to a highschool. There are other white teens there, but I am a new face and they are all very curious about who I might be. We enter their classroom, but before the teacher starts asking me questions, the older sister says bye to her teen sister and grabs me to take me somewhere else. I thought she was staying in this school to, so I ask her about it and she says she quit school and is now working for a circus. They are still training at some empty facilities on the back of a zoo. Looks like some empty barns. She is really happy about her job and she shows me a huge poster that's being painted to announce the coming spectacle, featuring her among others and I feel so proud and happy for her. I then need to go, but as soon as I exit the zoo I realize I don't know where to go. I go around the external wall of the zoo and I find an entrance that gives access to the reception/management of the zoo. The gates open and a fancy car is coming out and I remember that I am actually an heiress to the white family that owns this place. I fear they see me, because of the way I am dressed and dirty. They totally disapprove of my friendship with these girls.

This is a personal dream that I wouldn’t normally post, but I wanted to share one of these. This is a good example of a therapeutic lucid dream. It shows one of the ways you can benefit from lucid dreaming if you experience grief or other difficult emotions.

Warning: A lot of unpleasantness ahead.

—-

We went to my grandpa’s house since we happened to be there and I decided to real quick grab some more of my stuff like the office chair. We didn’t leave much there, but the office chair was the one big thing I left.

He wasn’t home. I deliberated skipping it, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to just go in and grab the chair so he wouldn’t have to worry about moving it.

I know how much I personally hate unannounced guests and I would never want someone doing this for me, but I keep thinking of how much he’s expressed difference from me in this way. It makes no sense to me, but he never cared about people just walking into his house. He used to refuse to put doors between rooms in his house, removing them any chance he got, and didn’t like locks—he’d never lock his house. He’d leave doors wide upon and get excited about the happy surprise if anyone like a neighbor just happened to walk in out of the blue. All the time he’d invite people to show up and do things for him when he wasn’t home, as if the very thought of (what I would consider) an intrusion delighted him.

So I went in and got the chair. It was already sitting by the door, affirming his intention to get rid of it.

He then pulled up just as we were leaving. He was pissed, but not because it bothered him that I walked into his house. He wasn’t truly bothered at all, but acted as such merely because it violated the boundaries he knew I had. My boundaries, which he found a way to weaponize in this moment. It was shallow anger laced with the “Gotcha” delight that almost overided it to a point where I couldn’t take it seriously.
“So we’re just walking into people’s houses now.” he said with a sneer, but he could barely take his own pseudo rage seriously and I could hear the laughter below out from behind it.
It was strange, though. Something wasn’t right.
He then turned to me and I saw glimpses of the nice grandpa I used to know as he held his arms out and hugged me. He said he was happy to see me, he loved me, and goodbye.
There was anger and spite still in him, directed at me at the same time.
I asked if he wanted some money to cover any potential bills.
I felt bad that I don’t have much now because we just moved, but I’d give him whatever I could.
He answered with two voices clearly speaking in unison. One said yes, that it would help. The other voice cheered with derision. “Ooh money, hehehe!” it chuckled, as if celebrating plundered goods despite me giving it freely. It made it sound like I was being robbed even though that’s not what this was. I owed him far more than I could give, and I wanted to help him more than anything.
I didn’t like how that voice made me feel gross helping him, so I ignored it. I gave him $100, silently promising I’d have more later, and hugged him again. I told him thank you, that I loved him. I knew it was stupid to cry, but did so anyway.
I hurriedly got back in the car after waving goodbye and could hear the deriding voice cheering and mocking me as it celebrated the money.
His other voice didn’t speak, but it was sad and watched us leave as if it wished it could leave, too.
I felt pulled in two different directions whenever I was around him lately, ever since we moved here.
I never used to feel this way.

As we pulled out of the driveway, I saw something sitting there. It was short and black, and it sat in a massive puddle of itself. Now that I looked at the house from outside, I could see it better. There was black grime everywhere. It was all over the property, having spread itself onto everything, a wet spiderweb of black goop. It was all over my grandpa too. His clothes, hair, and skin had little strings of weblike goop all over. It leaked out from inside his mouth and the corners of his eyes.
I thought about how, in waking life, there was always this strange invisible grime that follows him. It has a physical texture and smell, but I couldn’t see it. The only time I ever saw him without it was for a few years when he was practicing Buddhism. At that time, he was happier than I had ever seen him before.
He still keeps all the statues and pictures from his trip to Burma, but I avoid talking to him about Buddhism as it seems to anger him if it’s brought up.
Anyway in this dream I didn’t see it when I was in the house, but I could see the black grime clearly now from the car.

I looked down at myself, checking our car and things. We were clean. It wasn’t on us. I wasnt worried about it getting on us either, as I knew it didn’t want anything to do with us.

It had already tried over the course of the two years we lived there. That’s why it spited us, and wanted us gone.
I looked out the window at my grandpa, who watched us drive away.

“…I got manipulated, didn’t I?” I then turned and asked my partner.

“Yeah.” she said.

I nodded, not knowing why I asked other than to get her opinion, I guess.

For a moment, we couldn’t decide where to go, but ultimately we decided to go home to the new place.

10th May 2021

Dream:

I'm on some cliff-top in a surrealist environment. There are many cliffs which are mostly straight up vertical and the height of mountains and the cliff I'm on is the same. There's a blue (cyan tinge?) but desaturated sky. I fall down to a lower rock platform on the side of the cliff but then I use drilling tools like the ones from DRG, quickly making my way back up through the rock. I make a guess as to where I'm going (based on some environmental factor?) and there are some parts where there are large swiss-cheese-like holes and openings in the cliff that I avoid.

I then find and head inside some structure which has some hallways within. There's a clay-like tone to this structure? There are also some window openings in the walls but they are sort of perfectly squared off and have no glass or frame, but I don't recall wind or anything of the sort. There may be some lights inside the structure but I'm not sure. Then, there's a counter just by a hallway corner.

On this counter-top, I place two kitchen knives. One is like our metal bread knife and the other is like one of the coloured knives, about the same depth, so probably the magenta one? Some dream characters appear behind me and they seem to be passing by, but other characters are just idling around. I interact with the passer-bys and they ask me casual questions, which I answer. They fit into the archetype of some of my black friends from school, but they are not these friends specifically. We just know each other in the same way.

Then I move away from the counter. Someone shows up, I think AM (mom's friend L's daughter) But her skin is not as pale white as I recall it (don't notice this specifically in the dream?), her hair is darker and more like mine and she's a bit chubby. I say something about waiting "fourty years for my wife" and think about how different she looks. She sits and reclines on top of the same counter from before, her feet are bare.

11th May 2021

Fragment:

Something about being with a big group, in a subway. Queen Elizabeth II is with us and is a part of our group. We board a train (looks like L subway) and the passengers who are already inside are staring and openly voice that they can't believe that it's actually the queen. She takes a seat and I sit beside her. I talk to her and tell her some story from my life, from years ago. She doesn't reply to anything I say and I interrupt myself remarking "you've probably heard it all before I suppose", realising that she is just that much older than me and must have heard and known the life stories of hundreds or thousands of people.

---

Notes:

- The night before the 10th, I was practising anatomy drawing and there was a woman in a reference image that fit the same typical appearance as what AM appeared like in the dream.

- In the fragment's dreaming context we were on some kind of tour and the subway was a connecting point to get to somewhere else.

- When I woke up, I think I had lingering feelings and found myself surprised at the dream passengers' shock for seeing the queen. In the dream the whole context felt absolutely normal and day-to-day.

- I don't think I've dreamt of Elizabeth II before. In the dream she was much like my paternal grandmother in some respects, possibly even physically, but as a character she seemed tired, worn out.
-- This probably comes partly as a result of having heard of the prince's passing but also a general curiosity about old age, partly mixed with my own feelings about how it must be very wearing to lead a life that is meant only for duty.

This time I'm on a vast field, seems like a farm, a girl is riding a pony, attached to some wooden wagon. She's going around an aplpe tree, my view zooms into the girls face, and I notice she's a friend from my childhood. I feel transported to the wagon, I hang right behind it, but my friend haven't noticed. I grip and hold on tighter as she picks up the speed, now my feet are flapping in the air, just like a flag! The pressure in my hands are building so much that I feel an uncomftable pain, in the center of the palm, I let go one of my hands, just to see what's causing the pain. (To my surprise Im still holding an amethyst pendulum, that I wrapped around my fingers, before drifting to deep sleep!) I look at my hand, and it looks purple/blue! I'm dreaming! I immediately let go my other hand and get left behind with the wind.

I have landed in a small western village, to the distance I see I sign, apparently they're giving away some used items. I feel transported towards the sign and it has chaged to some other kind of advertaisment, I decide to take another glance at my hands and a quick rubbing. I go in the shop, and I don't see anybody at first, I look to my right, and two cowboys are aproaching towards me. They're holding two black frames, in both of them I see two naked cowboys, just wearing a brown hat, a big belt with shiny buckles and decorations, around their waste, and the typical cowboy boots. One of them says with an accent: "doh ya' wunt hem?" I say: "sure!" (thinking I could use them to frame my own artworks).
The other man asks: "are ya' from tha city?". I say: "no, but I live near the woods". He asks again: " do ya' know how to milk a cow?" (The instant click for the TOTM!!). I say: "no, but I bet I can milk one of ya'll hats!, this time I spin around to stabilize the dream, and when I slow down I ask one of the man: " may I have your hat?" he says: " well let's see what ya' can do!", then he hands me the brown hat.
I grabbed the hat by each end and start twisting it slowly, as it gets tighter and tighter, the hat starts to shrink. (I think I'm screwed, because that's not how someone would usually milk a cow!), so I turned the hat vertically and I started doing a pulling down motion, slowly, from the bottom end.

The hat is now looking more like a piping pastry bag, two silky drops coming down towards the floor! it works!, the man are just staring at it. I kneeled down, and I smell some honey with a hint of onion. (shit it must be the sweat of his forehad, I think) I dip my finger in it, and then tasted it, and as I tought, sweet and salty...I spitted out, and goes right on the man's boot, he reacts by saying: "dem boya' got lot'all boooaaalls!. I feel a punch coming, and I douge it. I try to run as fast as I can but I get tangled in one of the frames, one of the man grabs my shirt and shreds it off.. I drop to the floor and crawl under a counter, covered by some fabric, then I 'm looking at an uneven board, I see is a compartment on the floor, I opened quickly and go in some secret staircase. Now is pitch black, and I can feel my WL body, so I remain ralaxed. Then my body starts shaking..! (it's my youngest son Gabriel, rocking me back and fort, because he needs my company by his bed..so I go with him.

Spoiler for amethyst pendulum :

[B]non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

A girl from the hood has some savings and goes to the bank to check how much and get some of it to help a friend in need. Finds out a small investment she did in has made her millionaire. Very calmly, she gets the money for her friend and some for herself and calls her 3 best friends who quit their shitty jobs and go work for her. They decide what they wanna do, from creating a network to buying a porsche. But first they go shopping. Once they get a "pretty woman" makeover, they go to some fancy places and cause a lot of gossiping from all the rich white people, who have no clue who these girls are. And they are enjoying a lot all of the doubts and speculation they are causing.

Sunbathing in a balcony in California. Some small plane is flying above and the pilot sees me and gets close enough that I see him to. He makes maneuvers to impress me. I play with him a bit, making poses and he starts playing, pretending he is going to dive in my direction. I pretend I am scared, but unfortunately I react with a chi blast that knocks down the plane half way.
The army then comes to find out what happened and they still don't know it was me but I hear them saying they need to get their hands on that weapon.

Went to visit my aunt Ludovina and some imaginary cousin opened the door for me. He welcomed me in the ground floor before the staircase to the 1st floor, he complained about renovations taking place and led me upstairs. I saw some walls with big cracks. He says were due to landslides since some water phenomenon affected the house. I don't understand what he means, think has something to do with the renovations. He takes me inside the house but through a different area I had never seen. And then instead of my aunt's old house, he takes me through a rich palace from the 18th century, in which roam quite a few characters in the approppriate robes and gowns from that time. Supposedly my aunt was related to these nobles who survived the ages and lived their lives in a separate area of her house that I never knew about. I cross the ballroom, a ball is taking place and I head to a large window with a terrace over the river. Some men are signing papers on a table on the terrace. There is also a chapel and my fake cousin takes me there to explain this water thing. It is some kind of haunting. A bunch of priests are doing prayers, candles are burning, and water is pouring over the candles constantly, yet they keep burning. Water from the river sometimes invades and the house, but it's not a natural flooding phenomenon. He tries to explain, but I don'r really get it. I go to the riverbed, trying to find clues and on the sand I find many jewels buried. Some kids see me digging the jewel and come to see with curiosity. Then a kind of tubular wave forms in the river and enters the house dragging a whale and then everybody who was in the house gets somehow carried on the back of the whale. Not me, I just watch it unfold.

Something terrible had happened. For some reason we fled to the woods. My current boyfriend got sick, we were in the woods for a long time, I tried to care for him but he got too sick too fast. One day I went hunting so that we would hsve something to eat. I came back and he had died. It was terrible I cried and cried for days. One day I saw an angel he picked me up, he had black wings and told me not to look back. So instead I hurried my head in his chest. When I came back from wherever I had come, I too had wings. They were white, a friend of my bfs wife had passed so he came and visited often in my grief. One day he decided to touch them while I wasn't paying attention it didn't hurt but it did make me feel uncomfortable. Fast forward to the not so distant future and invaders came. Men with spears,you could smell their rotting insides, they smelt of death. Somehow one went to kill the man that came to visit me. I stepped in front of him the spear did not pierce my skin. This made me angry, my eyes became black and my wings became black as well. I spoke but its as if it was a voice from someone else. "I am neither good nor evil, black nor white, human nor god, man nor beast, but you have tried to harm my people and that has angered me." and Its as if invisible threads snapped their necks. And then I fainted, my wings remained black, the man tried to catch me, then I woke up.

I am in an abandoned depeartment store. I appear to be quite high up, juding from the view out the windows. Laying on top of a large bare wood shelving unit I hide from other people as they scour the store. Eventually they leave but I remain and several weeks later am still there. All is still and quiet, everyone has left the town. I have a store of milk cartons and some tins of stuff to eat, though they are like large paint tins. No one has found them. The milk has been radiated by some nuclear fallout type thing and so does not go off, its just watery.
A small girl arrives (rl Victoria) I show her where the food is. She wants to go outside as there are large fluffy flakes of snow coming down outside. I search among the loads of strewns shoes and find her a pair, and get a brand new pair of lace up black doctor martins for me. We set off.

My recall has been mehhh for a while, i've been sick, so my journal entries have got shorter and shorter...Now is the time to plum the depths of my memories to do these scraps justice, and let them loose on the world (well type em up).

D1 - Very vivid dream,I notice in a very small room, that for some reason I know is very high up...Is it an attic maybe? Yes behind me was a hatch door. There is a window with a thin white curtain with bright light streaming in. Anyway I notice a roughly painted hinge on the wall in front of me that is green and blue. It needs touching up with blue paint. So I get a paint brush but no sooner do I than the world literally turns upside down. I hang on for dear life as the room is tipped upside down. I have a feeling of my stomach lurching like on a fairground ride. The room stops moving and I notice a can of black paint has emptied onto the floor, fortunately also a load of clothes seems to have been dumped there too, on top of the paint.
Next the room starts to move again and the hatch behind me flies open, I hang on desparately again, feeling im going to fall any minute.

D2 - With my parents somewhere in the countryside I need to go pee, so I leave them in search.
I head down a path in the afternoon sun, it heads down between trees on a woodland path.
They're are people about everywhere so I can't find anywhere to pee. I search and search, eventually I try and head back the way I came and come across some kind of cave. I have a great deal of trouble getting out, it is very dark and cold. There is a European woman with blonde hair there. I have to climb up a stair case which seems to be made of dental plastic braces things, ugh. They are moving all over the place making my progress very unsteady.
Eventually I get out and am near a pavilion style hut and a boy steps out and shoves me in the right direction. I get to a type of marble underground station. I think it is called "talos" but am unsure.
I have a old fashioned gold wrist watch with buttons on it that I use as a phone to try and contact my family. I get through to them but feel I am lost and can't get back to them as I don't know whether I am imagining thing or am where I think I am. Desperately I use my powers to transmit myself hologram style to where they are but my powers fade and I am lost.

D1 - At my parents house, and it's breakfast time in the kitchen. There is loads of stuff on the table ready to prepare for breakfast. I am annoyed that no one is making breakfast and is only sitting there.
I make some cereal but my sister spills it on the floor. I pick it up and go to the back door (which is actually the front door and is never used) and there is a large black dog/bull thing, rather menacing. I throw the cereal out the door (we used to feed food to the birds in our garden).

wbtb
D2 - On an island , I get to the end where there is a small hill next to the sea. On the hill is a person who asks to borrow 500 and then another 500. And I have long discussion with them.

One dream blended into another, I was at a work place when a guy with a bald head and glasses came in.
He lifted up my clothes revealing a black and red silken kimono apparently a martial arts garb. He too was wearing similar garb.
We had a friendly bout discussing our fighting styles and I threw him to the ground. He asked me smilingly to come with him to help.
They had a problem with some people trying to takeover their operations. He was a farmer Oo.
I headed out to a muddy farm yard, where I was assailed by many ruffians. they circled me and matrix style I got hold of a kendo stick
from somewhere and started battering them. Swirling the stick I hit many at a time. Eventually the battle was over, it was quite fun.
A large lorry had drawn up in the yard with a big old guy in it. He asked if I could come with him to sort out some more problems.
I woke up.

Went to sleep and dreamt of being in a bunk bed like when I was a kid. It was incredibly vivid.
It felt very oppressive in the pitch dark, closed in by darkness and silence in the room.
(When I was a kid and lived in the countryside it was silent and pitch dark at night).
I could then see myself 3rd person view from above, looking stark white in the dark of the room, huddled up.
In my head I was thinking "come on bring it on, do you worst!" whatever you are. And tensed for something to strike me. Nothing happened.
It was all so vivid and intense that when I woke, my mind was awake but i was still half a sleep.

So when I went straight back to sleep I was lucid.

I was inside a broken down school, there was a dark corridor with a pipe broken spraying water everywhere and broken masonery. Two boys in green school uniform were heading towards me, hands in pockets.
I thought to myself last time I was lucid I couldn't control much, so I took direct action.
Grabbing the first boy that came towards me by the face, I said take me to see the person I want to see, now!
He didn't have much say in the matter,looking at me wide eyed, he complied. We moved on and through some double doors met a giant man about 8 to 9 feet tall, wearing a blue medical gown. We were now in a hospital. He was blind and I could see wounds where his eyes had been. He was very strong, I could feel power pouring from him and without speaking I went with him (there was no need to speak).
We went along a corridor which which led into the front reception area of a large hospital.
There a large number of patients were sat in wheelchairs, in front of a row of glass doors to the exit.
The sun was shinning brightly into the entrance foyer.
The person I wanted to see was there in the closest wheelchair, her hair was fine and blonde hanging straight, she wore a silky white robe.
She got up from the wheelchair and took my hand. The giant took my other hand and we left the hospital and went out into the sun.
The site before me I will never forget. The sky , a beautiful greek blue, and the sun dazzling.
Above was the most amazing site, towering dizzily high above me was an immense floating castle.
The highest towers were in the shape of gigantic eagles. All parts of the tower were so black that it was almost hypnotic to look at them. I don't know if they were black because of the shadow from the bright sun or something else.
We flew together up, higher and higher with a feeling of great power, security and happiness washing over me. The giant was in the lead pulling me higher, then me, then she.
We went higher and higher, this bit went on for a long time, hard to describe but it was wonderful

Had two false awakenings where I tried to write dream up in journal, but was only dreaming it lol

D1 - On holiday in spain, I am some kind of water ride and i'm repeatedly going on this scary ride. You drop into a pipe that is really dark but then you just drop into space and are falling. I got that lurch in my stomach every time it happened. (I don't like rides like that in rl it was more of a letting go and saying whatever will be will be).

D2 - Living in a small apartment block over looking Ed's breakfast room, which was rather spacious in comparison.
In another part of the building their are bubble like rooms, in black transparent plastic, a bit like a gerbil run ^^ it was all very futuristic.

seems kind of generic idk
[

A woman made a deal with one of my kind, a short man in a black suit who irritates me, and so he's placed his mark on her wrist, a symbol in the shape of a sword, representing "Iudex," the judge. This will allow him to possess her, though she was unaware of this. I'm furious. He's well within his rights, but I deeply dislike him and his people who bear that symbol; I'm going to destroy his mark. It's not difficult, any changes to the lines in her skin will do the job. I ask her to choose the method (a knife) and if she wants me to do it for her or if she'd rather do it herself (she asks me to do it), three horizontal cuts distort the symbol sufficiently, and then I set out a bandage for her.

D1 - In office, virus on computer. Technician tries to track via Keypresses on computer being traced.

D2 - In a room in an abandoned house, hiding. Make a break for it down the road. It is a normal suburban area and the roads go on everywhere in every direction. Where to run? There is a large white triangular wall in one direction, I head towards it.

D3 - Stuck in a museum with a girl. We use a cloaking device to hide. I can see its semi transparent from the inside. I am lose contact with her but I have her number and try her at work.
The phone has a camera so I can see her work solleague pick up the phone. There is a bright blue neon light.

D4 - I am driving along a rough country road through a shanty town. The road is all baked mud and rutted.
The car can only make it so far. So I get out and walk.
I walk past a large temple and off the road to under a tree lined path overlooking a grassy area. Two people from the temple offer me shelter for the night. I accept but find it hard sleeping on black leather chairs and keep slipping off.