side notes

So I decided to go ahead and give the DEILD method a shot. I wasn't sure how I'd go about attempting it because it involves reflexively keeping my eyes shut when I wake up and, to be honest, I've got no practice doing that. So I go to bed at about 12:30 with an alarm set around 4 o clock. I wake up a few minutes before 4 o clock and turn on my iPod to play some Solitaire. I want to get in the habit of working out the logic center of my mind while I'm in bed at night. I think this will help me out a lot. I go back to bed. About an hour later I wake up because I have to use the bathroom and lo and behold I've got quite a long dream ready and recalled:

Leah and I are driving home from seeing some comedy in theaters with my parents. In the movie I remember it being sorta creepy because the main bad guys were crazy tall and white and really scary looking. During the move in fighting myself to stay awake. I am sitting by Leah. As I watch the movie it sometimes takes on a first person view. The evil looking characters on screen get into a bunch of fights over turf. They remind me of smart zombies. I slowly start to nod off. Towards the end of the movie i go and stand at the front of the theater and watch the last of the movie standing.

After that we head over to a laser tag and my mom makes my brother and I play a game. The women running the place charges five bucks per person. I overhear my mom and sister buying our tix for us. The clerk suggests me and my brother just share a gun to save money until we decide I'd we like it. My mom gets us each our own. The suits have a mouth guard bracket built onto the front and i put it in my mouth without thinking and immediately regret it. In my mind I'm positive I'll have herpes now or something. I glance over and my brother is sitting slouched against a wall on a black bench. He is spaced out. He looked dejected and bored.

Then Leah and i are driving home. We are both tired. I'm using the gps to get us home but I want to stop at a hotel to sleep but we can't because of the dog waiting at home to use the bathroom. Leah mentions that my parents are leading us home a different way than normal. I follow the gps.

Not bad at all for having a few off nights this week. So I go back to bed and I wake up AGAIN. This time I come startling myself awake but the world is in blackness. I can't see anything! You guessed it: I managed to keep my eyes shut. I'm not sure if it was reflex or the fact that I was actively thinking about it before I go to bed. So I'm laying there with my eyes shut. I feel a tiny bit heavy on my back and I feel mostly numb. My toes randomly spasm every once in awhile and my heart starts to race. I know I'm in a good position for the DEILD technique. But of all the things that could happen I start to hear birds singing LOUDLY outside of my window and when that happens I KNOW it's day time and, I'm not sure how, but I KNOW my alarm is about to go off. I hear a faint buzzing sound that is very distinguishable from all of the other noises. Is this part of my HI? I don't know. All I DO know is that I'm suddenly hypersensitive to sounds.

So I stay laying there for a few more minutes when lo and behold the alarm does go off. I get out of bed and grumble my way to the shower. And then while I'm in the shower I'm hit like an epiphany with recalls of "four" other dreams.

I'm in some sort of giant church like structure. My friend Phil is there and so is Lawrence, Chris, and Jake K. We are sitting in the big room where I assume the Pastor is going to preach when somebody starts handing out stacks of bacon as a snack. I say 'Hey, why not' and grab a huge stack and absolutely stuff my face with it. I then go ahead and sit down for the sermon. Time passes, I'm sure, because I'm running out of the room and towards the stairs. I jog up these stairs and turn right to where a small bedroom is. And there are all my friends! Skipping out on the sermon to play video games. I'm mad immediately... Not for skipping the sermon... But for not telling me they were so I could too! I remember in my dream, as well, to be kind and polite around Phil. I know I think to myself that he's a good guy.

For some reason I'm up stairs in some house. I "know" it's my parents house. I walk down the stairs and outside to see some sort of dog out there. My parents had just left to go see a movie. I'm sure of that for some reason as well. So I've been left to take care of the dog. The dogs name is Asimov (Yes, as in Isaac Asimov). For some reason the dog gets hurt or gets killed and my parents return and I tell them what happened. They mention how at the movie they spent the whole time looking for "Asimov" but couldn't find him because he was under a different name. Don't ask me. It doesn't make sense over here, neither.

And now I'm shopping. I've been sent downtown by my wife to go check out this resale shop. I'm assuming it's some sort of 'Platos Closet' because as I walk up to it, it is in an underground mall, the woman at the door goes: "Are you Randall? Leah shops here all the time." I say yeah I am and that I'm here to look at jeans. She asks if I need any help finding anything and I decline. It's at this point she points out that they are closing in 5 minutes. I let her know that I'll hurry. I hate when customers linger in my store. So I look around at the jeans and there's a woman back there as well waiting to help. I don't see anything I really like and end up hoofing it back towards the front to leave. It's at that moment that, for whatever reason, an explosion occurs and I'm sent flying. I land back on the ground and my leg is very clearly broken. The women are freaking out and blaming eachother but none of them seem hurt.

And now I'm sitting in another basement. This time in front of a nice bass stack. My brothers friend, Marc, is there. And I'm pretty sure the other guy is Rob. There's a smaller Asian kid that I've never seen but he has black hair combed over and he plays the guitar. I'm obviously in this band. We shoot the breeze for a little bit and plan to practice when the Asian kid says that this is their last show. They just can't do it anymore. He is kind of a dick. So I ask him, gesturing at my leg, 'Is it because I broke this?'. He shakes his head and says that there's no money in it. I tell him: Well, hey. Once you guys hit 18 you'll be able to play shows every couple of days and make plenty of cash. I tell him my band is playing Marys Place (which we are, in real life! I'm plugging my own band in my own dreams) and that we're bringing in about 20% of the door. I envision what the place looks like so he can see it. I show him a bunch of elegant tables set up in front of a nice stage. Everyone is well dressed. This seems to change his thought process because he's suddenly backpedaling and saying things like 'Well, actually we had plans to...' and then that's all I really remember.

So, these single sentence entries are nice and all, but I'm worried they're making me complacent when it comes to writing up full entries.

My question, to those who care enough to respond, is what should I do about it?

I was thinking of limiting myself to no more than 5 Triple S's between full entries. Of course, this is assuming that these little bite sized snacks aren't quite cutting it for you gaiz. But if everyone is fine with them, or if some actually prefer these to fully detailed entries, let me know so I can make a more informed decision. Personally, I'm fine with either, but I really want to bring a certain level of quality to this DJ. To do that, I need to know what you, the reader, want from me.

To make this simple (and since I can't make a poll out of this), I'll write a list of possible things you may want to see more/less. Simply pick a number, and comment with that number and an optional elaboration, if it's not too much trouble, that is.

Here we go:

1. These little sizzler things don't leave me feeling full. I'd prefer a real meal from you, word-slave.
2. I like these newfangled single sentence entries. They're short, sweet, and still have enough flavorful detail to keep me coming back.
3. Give me both, in equal helpings. Or else.
4. Moar Bonus Entries of Doom, please. I need them to better construct my personality profile of you, so that when I kill you, and wear your skin, no one will notice a change in your behavior and become suspicious.
5. Those multi-dream entries have some pretty cool stories, bro. Why don't you do more of those, instead?
6. I have another opinion which I will now explain to you:

Another fragment/short sequence this morning.

I was with my family again and we'd just arrived at a restaurant for dinner. As we got out of our vehicle we notice we'd parked next to a really cool looking pickup truck that was painted all in gold. There was a post in the bed of the pickup on which was mounted a video camera, so I figured whomever owned it was using it to shoot movies. As we walked around it, the coolness was ruined slightly by the realization that it was only painted on that one side. We went into the restaurant; there was a line of people going up to the cash register at the front where we were to order, evidently. It seemed to be some sort of continental restaurant that specialized in seafood, but I couldn't decide what I wanted to get. There was some sort of bound ghost towards the front of the line that was trying to get my attention; it appeared as a woman with long, bright blond hair and pale skin, wearing a white robe. She was blindfolded and bound by several brown leather straps. I went over to try to figure out what she was trying to tell me, but I couldn't understand or make out what she was trying to say. I noticed there was a computer in the corner then I noticed some people whom I identified as friends outside the restaurant, so I went to see what they were up to. I talked to them for a while and then we went into the restaurant. I remember recalling that the layout of the entrance had changed some (and now I recall my family was no longer there, it seems as though I had gone to the restaurant with these friends now). We were still in line trying to decide what to get when someone told me that someone was sending me instant messages on the computer in the corner. I sat down to see what was going on, some girl (a nurse maybe?) was frantically complaining about how my mom had left the hospital (she's worked there for years in real life) and was sending other weird-looking messages. I was confused and trying to figure out why she was so upset. Dream ends around there at some point.

Again, parts of this dream were likely heavily inspired by last night, when my wife and I discovered there was a Golden Corral here and went to check it out. For the record, it was alright (not top tier) and had a pretty decent selection. Might be worth a return trip in the future. Wasn't a fan of the ambient country music though.

Edit: Additional notes, it feels as though I'm in a bit of a dry spell, though I'll admit it could be worse; I am still able to get at least some material for entries still. This certain relative timing of this morning's entry (i.e. Morning of X) comes from the fact that my wife's earlier alarm this morning woke me up earlier than usual without any dreams to record, though fortunately I was able to get a little bit more sleep and experience the above. I believe in my enthusiasm earlier this week following last weekend's first lucid dream I may have been trying to run before I could walk, so I'm returning my effort to push forward to instead focus on solidifying the basics. Meanwhile, I've been at least trying to ramp up efforts to pepper in reality checks throughout the day. We'll try to remain optimistic.

Most dreams don't make sense, we know this. So, I'll just list whatever happened.

- Group of friends, we're hanging out in street. Walked pasted my cousin.
-Fell into lucidity, didn't last long. It was blurry, I woke up pretty quickly. I'm taking note that sleeping on my back instead of my side is very effective to becoming lucid, because I don't move around.
-Some bar that involves angels. Menu includes thousand year old wine, and other stuff.
-In new york, fountain pen merchant. I was looking at a Visonti dolci fountain pen, and a gold ringtop.

i was in my home town walking around in my back yard. i was trying to realize what i was doing outside. i went to my neighbors house and saw an older woman in bed sleeping so i left. i walked outside and there was a little girl just standing in the grass staring at me(she might have been the older woman's daughter). i stopped and we stared at each other. I started to feel more vivid and almost guilty(maybe for trespassing into her house). i realized i had to go to work so i ran across the street and entered an old rickety house, which resembles nothing of where i work. i opened the back door and saw some of my co-workers(trevor & others). i talked to them for a short while. then everyone stopped working and the building became my friend's(heather) house(although this building looks nothing like her house). it had the basement of where i went to pre-school(in the basement of a church), and 2 stories. there were 3 sets of stairs. i was looking around in drawers for something, but cant remember. i entered a small study room(looked abandoned with stacked boxes and an old desk) there was a very narrow door i peaked through and saw the hallway. i could hear my co-workers talking downstairs. i went to the bathroom and had to pee(luckily i did not piss in my bed). after i finished i was washing my hands in the sink(with no mirror to see myself) and something made me question whether i was dreaming or not. i did a RC(pinched my nose) and i couldnt breath which i thought was odd. i stopped and just started thinking because before my RC i was pretty confident i was dreaming, but then i just gave up and continued my non-lucid dreaming. i walked out of the bathroom and met a very attractive blond. she started flirting with me and lead me into her room, where "the obvious" happened. i woke up right after we finished.

i had around 6 dreams that night, but this was my last. i dont think i even did a RC in my others(i can only recall the last 2 dreams). this was the first time i tried a RC so im hoping the next time i go to sleep i will do another reality check. the past week ive been trying to WILD, WBTB, and DEILD. but this night i just wanted to get some sleep and wasnt trying any kind of method on purpose. i kept waking up because it was the time i usually wake up on my own and i have a sore throat which is very irritating. i was really surprised to see any progress on a night like this. my RCing is starting to become more of a habit.


my previous dream before this:

I had a false awakening. i was in my room, although it looked more narrow. there was a candle on my dresser very close to the wall. the wall started to catch on fire and the flames reached the ceiling. smoke was getting thicker, i started choking, and i passed out(probly had something to do with my soar throat). thats when i actually woke up and checked what time it was. then i went back to sleep and had my last dream.

side notes:
i was sick(soar throat)
i did NOT take any vitamin b6 supplements that day(i had taken b6[200mg] the previous 4 days)
i was not planning on being lucid this night
this was almost a DILD(never tried to DILD before)
reality checking is starting to become a stronger habit
im questioning my dreams

Awoke at 7:03 and almost forgot to jot down my memories. Had two dream fragments and one very vivid, non-lucid dream.

--

Fragment 1:

I was on the ground in front of a very large forklift. For some reason I had the intent to hang onto the forks while someone raised them, and throw an object off. I grabbed ahold of the forks, holding the object on the other side of the forks, but I couldn't see the object and had no idea what it was. The forks started raising, and so did I as I was hanging on to them. The forks kept going higher and higher until they stopped when I was at least 100 yards off the ground. I attempted to throw the object (still couldn't see it) and slipped, falling off the forks. I managed to catch the end of the fork with my foot, swinging back around and grabbing ahold again.

**On a side note, does anyone else have dreams where they can't see an object or a person's face? This happens to me frequently, where I'll be looking right at someone, yet I cannot see their face.

--

Fragment 2:

I was in a hangar with my immediate and extended family, and they were about to go on a plane ride. Everyone was in various places in a small airplaine, the kind that is normally used for skydiving. I was hugging people and saying goodbye, getting ready for my 8-hour drive home. My mother offered to take me there in the plane so I wouldn't have to drive. I said "But how am I going to get my car home?" to which she replied "Good point."

--

Full dream, VERY vivid, but not lucid:

I was sitting in class and it was "bring a friend day". I brought my cousin. The room was lab-like and very familiar. There was only 3 people in class, us two and a geeky yet cute girl. Our lab was to take an item with a few bearings and other moving parts and figure out a way to reduce the force required to turn it to a certain level. My cousin was reading through the lab instructions and we couldn't figure it out (which is weird because he is an engineer at NASA), when the girl comes up, silently puts an elaborate solution down on the table involving batteries, motors, capacitors, and all kinds of other stuff and turns it on. She then gave us a snotty look and silently walked out of the room. Someone barged in the classroom and told the professor they needed to see him now. He was in his late 20's, and was very visibly nervous when this happened.

A woman came in and told my cousin and I to go see "Kim."

Me: "Kim who?"
Woman: --long pause-- "uhh... Filipe"
Me: "Where?"
Woman: "Anywhere the F*** away from here!!!"

She was visibly annoyed at my lack of immediate compliance which made me want to defy her, but I eventually left the classroom with my cousin. He waited while I went to the bathroom. I ran into the professor in the bathroom and asked him what that was all about. He nervously said "I can't believe they're doing this s*** again"

Upon walking out of the bathroom my cousin was still sitting on a chair, and all of a sudden I saw some of my friends. We started walking toward an event of some sort, and it turned out to be some kid's birthday party. My one friend started singing "happy birthday" and had everyone convinced it was my birthday instead of the kid's, despite my protests. The real birthday kid goes "Yay now he gets all the birthday kisses instead of me!"

Then I woke up.

Will Respond Shortly got to knock a couple of Z's first.

Had dreams written down on a paper at home, forgot the paper. I'll post them Friday. *sigh* One was a lucid, though.

I am so bad! I haven't been doing any recording. Laziness has taken over. I will soon change that. More dreams will happen!

The following recently occurred to me:
A) This dream journal contains absolutely no privacy options.
B) This dream journal now comes up as the second entry when you Google search for "SCPantera".
C) Several of my dreams contain fairly dicey information that, while I have no mind towards anonymous people on the internet reading them, would rather not have people I know stumbling across this journal.

Though regrettable, here's my plan as an alternative: I'm going to backup my dream journal entries on Word documents in my personal files on my computer and simply cross index the entries I'd rather not have public.

Edit: And done. I elected to leave a few racier bits that I don't mind being public too much and stuck with only removing a couple sequences I thought were downright embarrassing. Hopefully this will allow my dream journal to retain some entertainment value without being too risky.
I'm trying to decide if I want to put forth the effort to backup every entry. It would be a good idea, but may be time consuming.

Last week on a date I saw Inception, it was okay. Apart from the fact that is massacres all of the standardized dream lore, and ends in a way that screen writing 101 states never to end a movie... But here is the dream:

I was in a large theater, similar to where the actors and director were interviewed about the film, for those who happened to see some of the promo stuff. I was actually cast in the "movie" Inception. I was extremely excited to be in my first movie, and have it be about dreaming... I remember thinking, "they cut my part down to a small speaking role near the end, but at least I made it into a feature film!"

At some point I had the thought, but how can I be in a movie that is already out? I must be in the sequel is what! (A dream about being in a movie that is in a dream.)

A weird sequence, likely inspired with a chance meeting last night with an old FFXI friend as well as an unrequited mystery from those days as well as several related events earlier in the day.

There was an early sequence where I seem to recall a Starfox-style shmup that I can't place within the context of the rest of the dream.

It seems that I lived in some unfamiliar downtown location, and that members of my old TiamatsFangs FFXI linkshell were getting together in real life to do some sort of video game-esque covert operation. We were to try to get into some kind of factory, the entrance to which was on the roof of a tall building, to demolish...something. We went in, and made our way to the end, but my partners started dying as we got ready to blow up the place. There was some kind of weird monster/alien thing killing people. As I fled out I turned and saw it grotesquely kill two people. I managed to escape back onto the roof-entrance, the only survivor. Except it flashed back to before the operation began. Since I knew what would happen I began trying to prepare an escape route, cleaning up excess ammo, weapons, and items on the floor to make picking up things for use easier, however I became frustrated that my partners were sitting around goofing off instead of preparing for the mission so I gave up and left. On my way home I realized I could use the opportunity of the TiamatsFangs' gathering to track down Jillia. I had already called and talked to her at some point during the preparation for the operation, so on my way home I called her number again but she didn't answer. When I got home to a room that looked like some sort of home office I sat down and started to think about how I could proceed. I started looking through the contacts on my phone and noticed I had a second number for Jillia, so I called it. An older woman answered the phone; I asked her if Jillia was there to which she replied yes. I asked the woman for the location of this phone number to which she replied that it was a place called "The Dungeon". I thanked her and hung up to consult the internet for the Dungeon's location; I remember that the first time I searched for it I forgot to specify the city I was in (when I corrected it, I corrected it with Fargo, ND or 58102, so evidently this dream was supposed to take place in Fargo). I quickly found it online, it was some sort of arcade. I went there; inside I met the older woman I had spoken to earlier behind a counter just inside the entrance. Also there were several teenagers there, I thought it odd that several of the boys were shirtless--and also that none of them were playing any arcade games, in fact there were no arcade games at all. The area was mostly empty except for some furniture and beanbag chairs. I asked the woman if Jillia was there again and she offered to take me to her. As we slowly made our way back I continued to observe the bizarre behavior of the children here. The woman explained that Jillia was a poor girl, having been abused and I recall ending that explanation mentally by adding "by these people" to the end. As we reached the entrance to the basement, I observed a short, ugly-looking girl and a boy getting ready to have sex, and they were eventually joined by a second boy. I went down into the basement alone. At the bottom was a large room, the room was pitch black except where it was sparsely lit by a small television in the middle on the other side of the room. There was some kind of clothing rack blocking the direct path to the television, instead leading a path around the outside of the room. In the far back corner there was a green couch that was very brightly lit. I called out for Jillia and she answered, though I couldn't see her at all. I replied, "Now there's a voice I recognize!" She sounded somewhat paranoid however. She instructed me to go to the couch in the back corner. Standing in the light it was even harder to see into the darkness, but I sensed that she had moved from near the TV to around between me and the door. She instructed me to remove my pants and shirt so I removed my black coat, shirt, and pants and set them on the couch. She then instructed me to go over and play the game. I went over, in just my underwear, and sat down by the TV. There was an old school Sega console there with what looked to be some sort of hacked old school Sonic game. I picked up the controller and hadn't even started playing when I heard the door to the basement slam shut. Alarmed that Jillia may have ran off, I quickly got up and returned to the couch to put my clothes back on and try to follow her. As I was putting my clothes back on the lights came on in the rest of the room. The floor was concrete and the walls were painted a bland white, it looked for sure like somewhere people may be held captive and I recall thinking, "Aw shit, I'm trapped down here." I immediately suspected the bizarre people on the floor above of foul play. When I checked the door, however, it was unlocked so I went upstairs to leave. The teens that were there before were outside in the rain, apparently having fun and taking pictures of each other. I quietly left, trying not to draw attention to myself. About a block away I turned and looked back, trying to think of how I could find her now. The dream ends there.

Side note: with some more effort into reality checking around phones as previously planned, I might have been able to catch this one.

When my thoughts turn to last night's virgin lucid dream, I'm filled with a hungry excitement. It was an unspeakably amazing experience, so unique that I find myself regularly questioning whether it truly occurred but its my memory and my journal documentation of the event that are able to confidently quash such thoughts.

I'm ravenously reading up on techniques on this site related to improving dream recall and methodology for dream signs and reality checks. I'll admit that my initial interest in lucid dreaming was casual and my effort thus far had been less than perfect, however these quick results have convinced me that the outcome is more than worth the effort.

I leave tabs up with sections highlighted for quick review before I head to bed. These include:
Dreamviews Lucid Dreaming Community & Resource - Dream Recall
Focus your intent to wake from your dreams and remember them just before you lie down, and continue to repeat your intent to yourself as you approach sleep. Repeat to yourself over and over, “I will wake from my dreams and completely remember them.” If you find your thoughts wandering as you slip into sleep, reaffirm your intent. You want your last thought before drifting off to sleep to be of your intent to awaken from your dreams and remember them.
http://www.dreamviews.com/f74/dild-d...id-dream-9423/
(I AM GOING TO REMEMBER TO RECOGNIZE THAT I AM DREAMING.)
http://www.dreamviews.com/f74/lucid-...tutorial-1518/

Based on recommendations in the last link, on the 1st of each month I'm going to conglomerate a summary of the previous month's dreams to analyze for dream signs.

Although I used to consider myself heavily stoic and secular, with a certain amount of pride in how firmly attached to reality (I thought) I was, I'm finding it thus quite ironic how easy it is to question reality. I'm finding that (improved) dream recall is helping a lot with this; it hasn't gone unnoticed how there was some heavy "dream-bleeding" into reality I experienced a few nights back with the oh-crap-I-cheated-on-my-wife dream--I seemed to think the events of the dream had actually occurred for several minutes into my waking life.

I'd also like to remark on how easy I found dream control once lucid. I'm delighted that I was able to transition into it very naturally, though I imagine this was helped along by a confidence that this would be true. Another effort that I need to make going forward is to have something of a plan for each following lucid dream; last night I demonstrated a solid level of object control, next LD's focus will be more on environmental control. I was quite unprepared for what to do with my first LD. In my initial excitement, I neglected to pin down my environment and as a result there were some negative interaction between my environment and myself that served to shake my focus and concentration.

In closing, I wonder if this is what drug abuse is like. Being a stoic pharmacy practitioner, the last thing on my mind is using external substances to achieve euphoria or non-reality states. It's crude, irresponsible, uncivilized, and pathetic. Lucid dreaming not only falls well outside this dogma, appearing considerably more transcendent, but additionally it seems to have virtually no adverse effects.

“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you long to return.” - Leonardo Da Vinci

I had a dream last night about this very large pterodactyl that kept circling and flying around me, my house, and the neighbor's house. It was incredible to witness. I was slightly afraid of this magnificent beast, but I followed it and was in amazement. It would circle me if I remained still, and often got far too close for comfort, so I would move, just to make it fly away, or avoid my movement. I could see every detail of this beast. I could see a relatively small clawed finger at the tip of the wing. While circling me, about six feet away, it would leave circles in the ground from time to time with its claw. I was frightened, but fascinated. I followed it down to my neighbor's house, which is only a few hundred feet away. There I stayed on the corner of the house, watching it circle the house, getting closer and closer to the house as it circled. Finally it was so close I moved again, just to frighten it back. I then thought to catch it on camera, and pulled out my cell phone. I turned on the phone's camera, pointed it at the road, and saw a shiny mallard duck flying. Then the pterodactyl circled back around and snatched the duck up and flew off. I captured the final swoop and grab on my cell phone and felt content knowing I could share this with people.


Here's what has been happening in my life:
Last night before bed I was looking up at an almost full moon. The clouds were high and moving extraordinarily fast. The clouds were moving towards the south, which is rare for where I live. I remember looking up at the moon realizing that my string of bad luck was over! It has been a rotten month for me, and I believe that with the moon hitting full, it will all start to get better after this. I have had a nemesis lately, which has been making false allegations about me, in an attempt to hurt my friend, while gaining control of a situation. The man doing all this is truly a monster. We call him the Prophet. He believes he sees demons, and God speaks with him. He shakes, speaks in tongues, and forces everyone around him to believe his whacked out version of Christianity. Either way, my life has been very stressful lately because he has even lied to the police about me.
After seeing the moon, and the dream I had last night, I know that this monster will grab onto something else, and fly away. The only uncertainty I have remaining, is my desire to see the pterodactyl, and why I was fascinated by it? Do I feel that the pterodactyl represented my nemesis? No. Do I feel that it was a messenger of things to come with that situation? Yes. I’ve always been fascinated with dinosaurs, although pterodactyls have never been my favorite. It was a truly magnificent sight. Does anyone have any ideas on what else I might be missing? I thought about the relevance of it circling my neighbor’s house. My neighbor is a single mom whom is very close to me. I often watch her children for her. She is aware of my situation with the nemesis, and has been very supportive. Maybe being there was a way to feel support or strength while watching the pterodactyl. Help! I’d appreciate your input.

I'm pretty sure I just had my first lucid dream. It seemed kind of long at the time but I may only remember some bits and pieces now, gonna try to get down as much as I can. And it's weird, it feels so foggy now. Was a very intriguing experience. There was another dream before it but I want to get down as much of the lucid as I can so I'm writing it first.

I'm trying to recall what it was that triggered the reality check. I think it was that I was laying in bed or on the phone with my wife and she said something absurd (I think it had something to do with her saying she was on her way home from class at university, and I quickly realized she doesn't go to school in reality) that caused me to quickly consider that this isn't real and pull a nose-pinch reality check. I was able to breathe like my nose was just a little stuffy despite the nose-pinch. There was an obligatory, "Holy shit, I'm lucid!" moment. To keep the dream from fading from excitement and to calm down, I closed my eyes and (for whatever reason) pictured a topographical map key. Feeling it was stable, I opened my eyes, did another reality check (marveling of course at how weird it was to be breathing through a pinched nose, and then started wandering my environment. I seemed to be in what looked and felt like my old house on Broadway. I was a little unprepared for my first lucid; I hadn't thought of anything cool to do. The first thing I did was go into the bathroom. I figured since I was lucid I might as well start playing around with how well I could control it. I went to the door of the bathroom and decided I'd summon something on the floor outside and close the door to see if it appeared; I arbitrarily chose cake, and then I sort of glanced up and back down and it was there on the floor, slightly stale and with a big slice missing--I didn't even have to close the door. Happy, I went to the big picture window out front and continued experimenting by swapping between night and day by closing my eyes for a second then looking at the sky. I noted some unusual mixed success, namely whenever I wanted it to be day or night it would literally only be just starting day or night (ie at dawn or dusk). It's a little foggy if there was something occurring between now and what happened next, but the next thing I remember was that I was quickly running out of ideas for things to do, so I thought, "Well, I've always wanted to experience sex as a woman, let's give that a try." So I went back to the bathroom (it's notable that the previous time it was the bathroom from the old Broadway house, but it was now the bathroom from my previous apartment on Oak Street), stripped down, then looked in the mirror. Quick comment after the fact, the mirror worked just fine for its purpose in the dream, but before transforming I started in my normal dream avatar--which is myself as I recognize but much thinner. I was able to transform myself by pointing to the parts of my body that I wanted to transform and focusing on them. I started with breasts, then moved on to my penis. I recall being amused/annoyed that as I was shrinking my penis my foreskin wasn't shrinking with it so I had to do that separate. I started to get a little impatient so I just waved my hand around in front of my crotch and looked up at the ceiling to try to speed things up. Eventually everything looked pretty good, wasn't perfect, and I noticed that at some point I had lost all my body hair without intentionally trying to, but it was good enough for a first attempt. I was trying to decide what I wanted to do first with my new body when I noticed I sorta needed to pee so I decided to get that out of the way first, so I did. Just that was an unusual new physical sensation. There was some toilet paper sitting in the bathtub next to the toilet, so I grabbed some to clean things up a bit (since I was planning to shortly be playing around down there soon anyways); as I was cleaning up the phone rang and I answered it. The voice on the other end was some woman trying to tell me about how there were cloths in the tub that I could use for whatever but to leave them there so she could wash them later (I noticed here that it was hard to focus on what was happening now while I was on the phone trying to listen). I looked back into the tub and the toilet paper had been replaced by dark blue cloth. I shortly regretted flushing a few of them down the toilet. I checked the mirror one last time to see if things were still good and then went back out to the living room. I'm think there may have been somewhere here where I experimented with my new body, but if so unfortunately I don't remember it. Eventually there appeared in my house (as though she was familiar with the place) a thin, light-skinned black girl. Delighted to find another person to help me experiment with my new body, I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me. She seemed apprehensive; focusing on her I first removed her clothes then, noting of course that she too was female and thus would make proper copulation difficult, made her instantly grow a penis. She wasn't very amused by this, however, and she angrily stormed off to the basement. Shrugging, and once again bored, I decided to turn my attention on mentally recreating graphic-update remakes of old school video games I love in my mind for entertainment. I started with what I assume was Final Fantasy 6, though thinking on it after the fact the action doesn't match up properly with the game (though I specifically recall Terra's appearance). At some point this was interrupted with my wife calling, when she called what had been the video game scene taking up my entire stream of consciousness suddenly appeared as though I'd taken it out of full-screen mode on my monitor on my computer at my current apartment. I even had my headphones on, so I had to remove one of side of them to expose an ear for the phone like I usually do. I was annoyed at the distraction but answered the phone anyways. I don't remember the contents of the actual phone message, but I note again after the fact that it started to break my lucid concentration. The last part I remember now was going down to the basement where I found the black girl (who had now been transformed into some sort of small Pokémon-like creature) cuddling on a table with another small Pokémon-like creature. Saying, "Oh, so you'll have sex with him but not me!" and did my own storming-off-angrily upstairs and back to the living room, where I waved my hand and did some sort of mental slash across the table they were lying on and killing them both. My memory of this dream ends here, though when I woke I seemed to think that there was more non-lucid dream that came after this. I awoke just prior to starting this journal entry and did a quick reality check that passed, officially ending my first lucid dream.

Note to self: be wary about answering phones once you're lucid; it seems to help break lucid focus. In fact, I'm going to try to make an effort to start reality checks whenever answering and/or ending phone calls. I'm going to try to remember that the next thing on my agenda for practice when a dream goes lucid is controlling the environment; this time I kind of let the environment do what it wanted around me.

There was a dream sequence either prior to or leading up to where it went lucid. There was a long prelude to most of what I remember, but the bulk of what I remember was that there was this stretch of interstate that I would drive down as though I was in a GTA-ish sandbox type game and try to score points on this segment of highway. The segment of highway was kind of a long straight section with a curve off to the right. I'm thinking I may have lost more memory of this dream out of excitement for the lucid one, so maybe more will come back to me later.