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In this dream I was a male member of a software development team. I remember I was a white man, tall and skinny and strong.

I don't know what our application was supposed to do, but there was an email component. The developer of the email component was I think a subcontractor of a different company, and the lead of our project wanted to exclude him as much as possible.

First scene was like a demo, and during the demo the email developer figured out how to make things visible in 3D and in color. the lead resented this even though these were crucial developments in our project but she did not like that this was him who figured it out.

Second scene, we are in our work area and our lead is telling the email developer that he cannot come to another meeting. I say to the lead, "You cannot exclude a member of the team and remain a member of the team, especially not after what he has done!" I bodily lift the team lead up. She is a petite woman. I sit her on a desk, and jab a finger in her chest to make the point. Then I suddenly get the insight, "Hey, I guess that means you are not a member of this team. Out!" And I point to the door behind me. She says, "You can't do that. I am the boss." And I say, "Yes, I can. And no, you are not. He is." I just know without looking that our boss who is her boss and everyone else's is in the doorway behind me. Will he support her or me? I wonder.

I never find out because I wake up instead.

Side note: Even though this dream was non-lucid it had this powerful moment of insight, where I felt empowered. this dram is inconsistent in that I say that one can't exclude a team member, but I exclude her.

So last night was my first night on brain sups.
Picked up some Melatonin, Choline, and B6, took one of each about 30 min before bed.
Initial core sleep 11-7 was latent with fragments, no recollections though
Laid awake for almost an hour attempting a WILD or some visualizations to no avail. Turned off my sleep tracker on my phone and checked my messages, after I felt tired so I rolled over and fell back.. into the fun.

Standing in some large grassy meadow I realized I was no longer in my room and must be dreaming, looked at my hands to stabilize and decided to take to the air.
Feeling the wind rush past me was an exhilarating feeling as I gained altitude. Thinking there must be some kind of civilization around I found a small village which looked french from 200 years ago or so. I circled the town but then decided I would stay airborne and continue to explore the island I was on, as I climbed I played with willing my speed faster and slower. As I am fairly new to sustained flight I figured I needed the practice. Some lucidity was lost as I sped up because I was looking down and my mind couldn't keep with the details of the passing ground. I remembered this happening in a previous dream so to establish more control I focused on the distance. It was then I saw several other islands connected to the one I was flying around. Their design was somewhat colonial mixed with the bright colors of a carnival, there were 3 other islands tied together in kind of a line, each with varying size and infrastructure design. They were far in the distance and I remember thinking how amazingly detailed everything was, pondering how wonderful my mind was that I could dream such magnificent things. In trying to decide if I wanted to visit the other islands I got caught up in the details of the ground again, I lost lucidity and the dream faded as I fell.

Not certain I fully woke up, as most of these were Deilds. I relaxed back into a dream and I was suddenly surrounded by african americans. We were at a wedding. There was much joy for the celebration but it seemed it was located at a fair ground of sorts. Dusty ground and the smell of fried food in the air. I was wondering through the crowd when I noticed a friend of mines brother in a doorway to a small shack, he signaled me over. As I approached the door he took a drag of his smoke and stepped inside, it was a dark room with somewhat cramped furnishings. He kept telling me how awesome his flat screen was, when I looked at the wall it was on it was a tube, with a flat screen, probably 12 inches diagonal. I smiled and decided to go back out to the gathering, there was a woman on the PA system making some announcement. Every time she finished talking I would shout 'Dino-Babies!' into the crowd from behind something. The dream faded and I transitioned.

Now in a large house there were exotic women all around. I was lucid for most of this one as I phased through many walls and windows. The details escape me as most of it was me running from woman to woman and making out with them. Some smiled, others were taken aback by my sudden inappropriate action. Settling more into the idea that I was dreaming and most of the DC here were for my amusement , I continually rubbed my hands together to stabilize the dream if my excitement started to get the better of me. It almost seemed as if there was a meeting going on, yet I was too overwhelmed by the estrogen in the air to come to full awareness. Towards the end I had a petite woman sitting on my lap who was straddling me, caressing her arse I decided to slip a finger into the warm spot. She was soft and slightly humid, could not believe how tight she was just on my finger. The excitement lost me my lucidity and my alarm rang just as I was beginning to get mr. member's tip in.

Suddenly I am standing in a large group of people, we're all wearing tux's and gowns as it seems to be a prom of some kind. Recognizing most of the people from the church I used to go to as well as my old private school. Realizing I was dreaming I decided to seek out an old childhood crush, everytime I think I see her in a group of friends I turn her around and its someone else. We're in a large cabin type center that has wooden support beams and a soft mahogany furniture everywhere. Wondering to the back of the hall I see an old friend who is wheel-chair bound hiding in the corner with her face turned. I approach her and her turns to me, she's been crying.
'Emily?! What's wrong? Why are you crying?'
'They are making fun of me because I keep beating them in cards'
'How can they do that? Its just a game..'
'I know, but they say i'm not normal'
'No one is normal Em, what did they say?'
'Because I've spent my whole life in this chair I have developed a sort of ESP, all games are very easy for me, especially cards, they fear what they don't understand'
'That's amazing! How could anyone get mad at that!'
'I just want to be like everyone else'
'No, don't say that, you're special. You're like this for a reason, you should support your abilities and stand proud. You have purpose in this life, I don't doubt'
'I guess, thank you so much Noah' she smiled
I smiled back 'Here, come back with me'
She nodded and took my hand as we rejoined everyone else
It was obvious everyone was now looking at me with her as we approached a group of old friends, getting sideways glances and whispers. I found the friend I was looking for before and she gave me odd looks now that I was with Em. We were all sitting at a table when I noticed a guy at the table behind us speaking loud enough for us to hear
'Its just not right! People like that shouldn't be allowed to live..'
I turned back to him, death glared, and began a very poignant monologue on the validity of all humans. Details escaping I remembered the very last line
'People are people no matter who they are.'

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

This dream is from the night before the night before last


Book-ended Children

Children running down a sloping sidewalk that curved back and forth. Stone wall along the sidewalk. Cobblestone ground. My consciousness looking down on them as they ran toward “me”. Saying to myself I remember this, I remember reading this. My mom was showing me another reel.

There was something forced about what the children were doing. they didn’t like it but they did relatively well at pretending. I think I knew more about why, that it had something to do with the parents, but I don’t recall now.

Mom put on another old reel. it seemed to be of my father’s side of the family. I knew he would like to see it and wondered at my mom having it instead of him.

In waking life my father idealizes tradition and is also an extraordinarily creative and brilliant man. I think he idealizes being a child, simple carefree yet responsible times. He was a “hippie” black sheep in his family when he was younger. That side of my family had a lot of power that was used for massive capitalistic gains and political influence. There is corruption, greed, addiction, and yet amazing intelligence and creativity smattered around the people. I am curious and feel it is important to know more about this family history. It also makes me feel sick to think of knowing more. My fascination and desire to know the different sides of my family (and myself) usually wins out, though. Well, at least in the internal battles of which I am aware.

I watched the reel on an old contraption that displayed more like a television than a projector. My mom stood to the side, close to the moving picture.

Soft thwacking noises like an old projector. I could almost see the frames as they shuffled past, specks and lines of light flashing and morphing with them.

A man (I think a/the/[my?] father), somber and proud like in older photographs, sat on the right, looking at the camera. The children to the left of him in their sitting positions, and then sat a huge man in a tuxedo complete with tailcoat. The two men were like bookends, the children between them. We’d only been watching it a minute, and mom already wanted to change reels. I said no, I want to see them when they move. I said their body language would be very significant, would show me more about who they actually are. It felt intensely important and I was riveted.

The large, hulking man stood and walked to the right. Maybe 8 or 9 feet tall, who knows, maybe 10. Big, round belly, sloped shoulders. (He reminds me of the way my maternal grandpa looked when he was dying of cancer, that same kind of oval shape, but much more extreme, and more solid and thick.) I didn’t think he was a family member of mine. The father (it was my impression I think, though perhaps it was a waking reflection) stood and slowly walked to the right. I watched his body carefully (from where the audience would be if there was one) and couldn’t tell much about him from the way he walked. It was so slow, as if he was favoring physical pain. His stiffness swallowed up his personality.

There were a lot of dream characters projecting their personae in this dream, like they were conforming to older, more serious social pressures. Personae that were hollow yet strong. Weak, deep, and shallow and full of tightly woven rules.

I feel an association between the father dream character and my paternal great grandfather, father of my father's father. I never knew him. It makes sense, given my grandfather’s and his brother’s dichotomies, success and greed for one, creativity and susceptibility in the other. Or so I've interpreted and oversimplified.

The trickle of this history of family emotions is a reason I think this song taps a large body of water inside me.



“I am out here studying stones
trying to learn to be less alive
using all of my will to keep very still
still even on the inside

I've cut all the pertinent wires
so my eyes won't make their connections
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
when I'm looking in your direction

...when all the forbidden fruit is fallen and rotted
well that's when I'm gonna come down"

Even if they’re partial hogwash, I feel love flowing from new understandings.

this dream occurred 2 nights in a row a few weeks ago...the first night it was clear enough for me to make out...the second it was more lucid...i would appreciate if anyone has insight on what it could mean...it includes my ex boyfriend who i love very much...we were suppose to get back together in dec 2010..the last things he said to me were i love you and yes i want you here with me...we havent talked since..he wont talk to me and tell me what is goin on....i moved away from him in oct 2010...i woke up shaking and in tears from this dream...


i was here at the house with my kids..just an average day...got a knock at the door..it was my ex boyfriend..i was surprised since we hadnt talked in a while..we talked and it turned into an argument...(unclear of conversation)...i asked him to leave and he did...i went about my business and a couple hours passed..got another knock...i was worried it was him again...to my surprise it was 2 state troopers...i invited them in...they said they got my address from some papers in his car..my ex boyfriend had been in a car accident and was the hospital in icu...i called his mom and let her know and she said the reason he had come up here to me was to come get me and take me back with him...i rushed to the hospital...my husband had to investigate the crash site...he told me there were several things in the car that were mine...letters and a snoopy plush toy (i had given it to my ex the day i left)...his mom finally arrived and wanted to get him back to phoenix...the drs' said not until he is stable...she couldnt stay long cos of work..no one else from his family could come up...i stayed by his side night and day...