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Note: The final presentation is done and over, so the only thing to do for now was to try to get my dream control and recall back So with every intention of recalling dreams tonight, no special plans except to relax a bit after working so hard, and an attempt to WILD, I fell asleep with my light / sound machine on. Unfortunately I was unable to get into my WILD…

I was on a beach, it was nearly sunset, and the only sounds I could hear were the sounds of the waves hitting the shore, the cries of seagulls in the distance, and the sound of a gentle wind blowing in off of the ocean. The scene was very relaxing, which felt good. Even though I didn't realize I was dreaming, I still felt a need for relaxation and rest, so I sat down on the warm sand and stared out over the waves and into the colorful sky with the reds and oranges of the sunset, it was beautiful. I'm not sure how long I sat there and relaxed before I sensed that I was not alone there, there was someone else on the beach with me. I knew I wouldn't necessarily have the beach to myself for long, but I did want to see who I was sharing it with, if it was someone hot… someone creepy… someone with a dog… a psychotic looking clown… yes, that thought did enter my mind… What I did see when I turned around was an older man, he didn't look threatening or psychotic, he was by himself, he looked like an American Indian, and he was gazing off into the sunset just as I was. So I turned my attention from the man and back to the waves, birds, and the sunset.

I now sensed that the Indian man was right behind me, I could feel his gaze as he was looking right at me, and this caused me to turn around again. He was, indeed, staring at me now, and he had a disapproving look on his face. My first thought was that I was trespassing on a private beach, that would definitely explain why there weren't any other people there. He probably wanted me to leave. I felt a mixture of foolishness for wandering onto private property and annoyance at having to leave since I clearly wasn't hurting anything, but I got up, brushed sand off my pants, apologized to the man for trespassing on his beach, and started to walk away. He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder, he said he did not own the beach, no one owned the beach. Whew, that was good, so there was really nothing wrong with me being there. The man pointed out to the sea, asking if I saw something wrong. I said no, since I had been staring and not seeing anything wrong. He told me to look again, more closely. I did. The sun was hanging over the ocean, the sky was bright reds and oranges, fading to deep purple and blue overhead, and the waves flowed steadily out to sea… huh? The waves were weird… wrong somehow… I looked closer, and the water seemed to be emerging from the sand itself and flowing out to sea… that wasn't normal, so I did a RC and found I was dreaming…

I looked back at the man now, he said it was about time I became lucid, I found the way he said it to be a bit annoying, but he had made me lucid so I brushed it off. I asked him who he was, he said I should already know that now that I was lucid, unless of course I was completely blind, he said I should look at him and actually see who he was. I was getting a bit more impatient with his attitude, but I still didn't respond to that, resisting an impulse to call him an ass… there couldn't be any benefit to that. I looked at the man, focusing on seeing his energy this time, and I finally decided I was looking at don Juan, but there was something about his energy that was a bit off… right as I thought his energy was off, the frequency conformed to what I thought it should be, he said now I could see him. He pointed back out at the ocean and asked what I saw there… I saw dolphins swimming out in the ocean, so I watched them for a bit and told don Juan about the dolphins I saw even thought I thought he should be able to see them for himself.

I was watching the dolphins still when don Juan slipped a cold glass into my hand, I looked at it and it was full of a drink of some kind, he said to drink it… I sniffed the stuff, wondering what it could be, maybe I'd get my penticon implant to do a spectral analysis on the stuff before drinking it, that way I could be sure it wasn't dangerous… then that felt a bit dumb, I was in a dream, I could eat a cyanide and arsenic sandwich with cobra venom on it and a glass of bleach to wash it down, and it wouldn't be dangerous. It would be disgusting, but not dangerous… besides, I didn't remember any time where don Juan had seemed hostile, so I took a sip of the drink. It was actually pretty good, sweet and fruity, so I drank a bit more and looked back out over the ocean to see if the dolphins were still there.

The red sun was just about gone beneath the surface of the waves, and the full moon was rising a bit to the right of the sun… wtf? How could the moon be rising from the same direction the sun was setting? I rubbed my eyes, looked again, and the sun was rising now, and the moon was setting. Um… ok… well, it was a dream after all… so anything is possible in a dream, the laws of physics are not applicable here. I was absent mindedly drinking the juice when I noticed I felt strange, a bit light headed… wait a minute… the world was spinning, I was losing the dream! Damn! I focused on the moon and willed the dream to stabilize, I wasn't ready to wake up… The sun turned into a giant pacman with fangs and tore a large mouthful out of the moon, red color that looked like blood came out of the torn moon and added even brighter reds to the sky, and it caused the ocean itself to look like it was on fire. The sun ate the rest of the moon in one bite, then hundreds of stars fell from the sky and ate the sun until there was nothing left but a dark night sky filled with stars, although some of those stars were notably fatter than the others. I was just staring at that in silence until I finally muttered a, "What the FUCK was that all about?"

I took another drink and stared at the night sky for a bit longer, waiting for anything else odd to happen, and I felt something bite my lip. I looked in the glass and saw there was not much of the drink left, and there were weird worm things with lots of teeth squirming on the bottom of the glass, looking up at me and snarling, jumping to get to me to bite, one of them was hanging off of my face. I removed the worm, put it back in the glass, and felt like vomiting at the idea I might have actually swallowed one of those things… as I said, things like that won't hurt me in a dream, but it can still be extremely disgusting. I felt light headed and nauseated, what the fuck? I had been poisoned after all, though this guy hadn't seemed hostile in any way, I had been poisoned, I looked over where I knew don Juan was and I saw a clown… a weird clown with so many razor sharp fangs, blood dripping from his fangs… what the FUCK? I thought I was on a beach with don Juan, not Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King's It! The clown was grinning at me in a very evil manner, which was weird since the energy I sensed from the clown was still not hostile, maybe a bit amused, but not hostile. My penticon implant spoke to me, saying the foreign substance had been identified and was being neutralized… I closed my eyes and waited until the computer said the neutralization was complete… then I opened my eyes and looked around.

It was dark out now, there were stars in the sky, no sign of the moon, there was a faint red glow on the horizon, dolphins were playing in the ocean as the waves rolled in from the ocean instead of out to the ocean… and don Juan was standing beside me, not Pennywise the Clown, although he did look amused. I realized I was still holding the glass that had the juice in it, but when I looked it was just a bit of juice left, no worms or anything inside it. Hmmm… it seemed I was the butt of some kind of joke here… I took a deep breath and looked over at don Juan, I asked him what the point of that had been, because if it was a poison, he should know I can't be poisoned in the dream state… He looked into my eyes and got a strange look on his face. I had no doubt in my mind that the drink had been poisoned… my penticon said the drink would be safe now, since the substance to neutralize the poison was already in my system. Don Juan was still staring… I commented it's rude to stare… I then commented that the fruit drink was good, asked if he had any more of it… he said sure, and filled my glass from a flask, so I drank down the poison then deliberately smirked… then accidently burped… a long, loud, and embarrassing one that smelled like fruit… I said, "Excuse me," out of habit.

Don Juan asked if I could sense all the different way things are… he said I should be doing it effortlessly now, but… he seemed a bit puzzled… He said I have already done it in dreams, I have seen many worlds at once in the dream state… he indicated the ocean, I saw don Juan standing in front of the ocean (a gunslinger at the edge of a desert) (an old hic at the edge of a swamp) (a fire elemental beside an ocean of lava) (and Indian shaman at a fire at the edge of a thick forest) (a desolate ocean bed with a vampire in front of it) (a massive storm that was blowing with intense force, no sign of don Juan or anyone else) (a battlefield with many dead and dying soldiers lying everywhere, one not far from me was screaming as a vulture was eating him while he still lived as a soldier beside me pointed and laughed) (a field of colorful flowers and a country man standing beside me) (a vast level area of land with an army of Goa'uld marching across it, Teal'c was beside me) There were so many different versions I wasn't able to focus enough to take action in any of them, it was quite disorienting…

Then I heard don Juan speaking to me, focused on that, and pulled myself back into one world, seeing one place, one time… The beach was completely dark now, illuminated only by the dim glow of the stars, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could see don Juan was still there, and he was speaking. He said I have the ability to see into many worlds at once when in the dream state, and with practice, to take a different action in each one of those worlds, so why hadn't I yet tried to exist in even two worlds simultaneously while awake? I said it was because I would never believe it or trust it to be real. He asked why not, I said I would have no way of being certain I was having an effect on another world or just pulling fictional shit out of my ass. He said I have to learn not to question what my own senses tell me, be they physical senses or other senses, it is completely normal for a nagual to see many planes and interact with them simultaneously… ok, there's your problem… I am not a nagual, if you want to talk to a nagual, maybe I could bring MoSh to this dream… He said he will find MoSh on his own when it is time, but now he was telling me to use the powers I have IWL… I said I have no powers IWL. He said I do have powers there, he said my friend thinks he is full of shit, so was I saying I agree with that, was I also saying he was full of shit? I wondered how he was so sure I have a friend who thinks he is full of shit… he said he wasn't blind, and that is fine if she wants to think that, she will find her own path. So, did my opinion match hers? That he was full of shit? I wasn't sure what to say, I didn't want to be rude and say yes, he's full of shit, but I know I have no powers IWL… so I said nothing.

After waiting for a short time, don Juan said again to use my powers IWL, I repeated I have no power IWL, to me we were both starting to sound like broken records, repeating over and over and over… I was getting impatient. I said of course I have no powers IWL, that's why they locked me into the trash hole of a dimension where I am now imprisoned. I'm not sure why I said someone sealed me in my home dimension… he said the prison couldn't be secure if I was there, on that beach, with him right now… I said apparently there is a breach that allows for dream travels… but on the physical plane, any powers I had have been sealed. He asked who had sealed my powers. I said I didn't know, maybe the Templars? He laughed, said not even close. He said the only one who had sealed my powers in my waking world was me, sealed it with doubt and disbelief, self doubt and refusal to believe in myself, because without those two things nothing will ever be possible. Or, of course, if I prefer to think he is full of shit, then go ask someone else and they will say the same things using different words. I really wasn't sure what to say right now, but I didn't have a chance to say anything before the dream faded and I woke.

31.08.2010

Results of WBTB Attempt 1 - 8/31/10 (Note)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Alright, So currently it's about 7PM. I just woke up about an hour ago, Which means that I most likely slept for a total of anywhere from 10-14 hours. I lost track of what time I fell asleep, so it should be somewhere within that range. Anyway...

Yesterday didn't go as well as I thought. I decided to try going to bed in the hopes that my alarm would wake me up and that I could then go back to sleep while being aware I'm awake to see if I'd drift off into a Lucid Dream. Next thing you know I see the darkness, ???? Afternoon. There was no dream at all, Not that I was able to remember any in general. (I'm assuming we all dream regardless of if we are aware of how/when/what it was.) So now I'm at a standstill with my self.

I've had no success with last night, And this would mark one week so far that I've tried Lucid Dreaming! Of course, I can't rush results but I can't help but feel frustrated that I have had NO progress in the least.

But I feel as if I have more time to keep going with this. I begin school in about a week and a half. College will be a bit new too me, regardless of the fact I couldn't graduate high school. At least this way I can get my high school degree and still feel good about my self. (Insert Cry Emote here T_T)

To think about my progress, I have been able to sleep more often and sleep longer hours while feeling good in the morning. So I guess something went right, even if I couldn't accomplish the goal of Lucid Dreaming. It normally takes about what? A month? Worth of practice to get into the feel for it? So I guess I'll have time to keep practicing.

It has been a bit nerve racking lately becuase I feel as if I'm being rushed, not about Lucid Dreaming. But I feel as if I have to know more about my self, confront my fears and be honest with my self in the shortest time possible. I'm trying to resist the rush, and currently trying to keep it at a nice and steady pace. Hopefully things work out in the end.

August 31: I was in what appeared to be a basement modeled off of ryan widdis' basement. I was hanging with kids a year or two younger than me. it was weird because apparently two kids were gay (its not too weird that they were gay) the only weird thing about it was they started making love (or dry humping) over in the left corner of the basement. me and the other dudes just chilled on a couch and talked about random stuff.

this may have been my least favorite dream, but I'm glad that August gave me two full lucid dreams, a few semi lucid dreams and my dream recall has gotten a lot better than it was before I got back into dreaming. now i move onto SEPTEMBER! LET THERE BE MANY LUCIDS!!

ohh wow September 1: N/A Recalled.

Note: This is the last week before my final project at school, so my lucid dreams came to a screeching halt as did my recall, these are some of the last dreams I recall before the date of the project presentation.

I was in a car with Tigress, she was driving, and I was staring out the window at the stores we were passing. We turned into a parking lot, I knew it was the parking lot for Toys R Us, but it wasn't like any parking lot I have ever seen, it had hills all over it. The parking places were all on steep hills going either up or down, it was impossible to see the store from where we were looking for parking places. Tigress turned to park in an empty parking place, and stopped just in time to avoid a black SUV who decided to pull all the way through from the next aisle to our row. With a brief expletive, Tigress pulled back into the main aisle and continued looking for a parking place until she finally saw another one. We pulled all the way into the empty parking place, at the same time a yellow pickup pulled into the place across from us, but I noticed there was no room for me to get out. Tigress backed up to straighten out in the parking place, and as soon as she backed up, the yellow pickup truck pulled forward and took our place! What an asshole! There were more expletives from Tigress now as she backed up and looked for another place, finally finding one and managing to park in this one before anyone stole it.

Tigress and I went into the Toys R Us store, I immediately looked around for electronic keyboards, I knew exactly what I was looking for. There was a small kiosk in the back of the store that had a sign announcing they had quality used merchandise for low prices, I thought it was strange that Toys R Us allowed them to set up there, but I figured it didn't really matter if they had what I wanted. I went back towards their booth, and as I was approaching, I saw an awesome looking electronic keyboard on one of their shelves.

I saw a price tag under the keyboard that said $298.95, and I thought that for that kind of keyboard it was an amazingly low price. Of course it was used, but if most of it still worked, I definitely wanted to get that keyboard. I looked over at Tigress and pointed at the keyboard, then I looked back at the keyboard. I must have misread the price… it was $756.95… shit. There was no way I could afford that, no matter how cool the keyboard was. I was going to have to pass it to get to the Toys R Us instrument aisle, and as I got closer I saw I had yet again misread the price… it was only $75.95… WOW! But then I looked, and the keyboard was different, now it was a cheap looking piece of crap that looked like it didn't even have different sound choices… There was no way I was even going to pay $75.95 for that thing which wouldn't do what I needed it to do anyway, so I followed Tigress farther into Toys R Us.

Tigress and I looked around the store a bit longer until we realized it was late and we had to get to class, so we had to leave without finding any more keyboards. We drove to school, it was similar to ITT Tech, but it was in a different place, and I realized Tigress and both had two classes, but only one was together. We went to our separate classes, they were boring, so Tigress and I were chatting on Skype… until suddenly she stopped responding. I wondered if she was mad at me about something… I didn't know what I could have said. There was a short break, during which I could not find Tigress, and then the class we had together. Upon arriving at that class, Tigress sat on the opposite side of the room, which I thought confirmed she was mad since there was an open seat right beside me. We spent the first part of that class reviewing for a final exam, though I didn't pay much attention to that since I was wondering why Tigress might be mad at me.

There was another short break, then back to the same class, now to take the exam. I returned to class, and it looked like Tigress was going to avoid me again, but then she dragged a desk closer to me, pushed another desk out of the way, and sat beside me after all. Apparently she had just preferred the desk she brought for some reason. I asked if she was mad at me, she said no, there was someone she'd had to talk to over there. The instructor passed out the tests and we began. I found I had no pen or pencil, the instructor wouldn't let me ask Tigress for one… I finally found a marker, so I was trying to do the test in marker. Between the fact I didn't study and the marker was rather messy I was making a huge mess of the test answer sheet, and it was getting really frustrating. The instructor said we had ten minutes left, I was on the verge of a panic. I told her I needed more time, I told her I've been having a lot of problems with depression and the test was harder for me because of it, so can't we make an exception? She said no, she didn't care if I was fighting with depression, the test was due in… eight minutes now. I was so angry that my hand clenched hard enough to break the marker and spill ink all over the answer sheet, Tigress was saying something in a soothing tone, apparently trying to calm me down, but I would not be calmed.

"Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch?" I yelled at the instructor, causing the other students to look up in surprise, "Well fuck this test! And fuck this class! And fuck you, you fucking bitch! Fuck you!" The instructor had only enough time to look over at me with a shocked look on her face before I woke.

Drizzt and Transformers

I was in a big room. It was a battle arena of some sort. I had a small transformer maby about 1 foot tall. There were a bunch of other transformers boosting around the area fighting. I saw a few other people telling them what to do (kinda like pokemon selecting attacks). One of the evil transformers managed to get some object which apparently when fused with the transformer would make him unstoppable. I was chasing the transformer with mine as is sped towards its master. I dont remember what happened next but I was in some small sort of cardboard box. It was like a cell. I though "fuck this!" and walked out. There were two guard guys who didnt seem to care that I just walked out of the cell. I was wondering where that evil guy was. He was only half my height. I was gona find him and smash him! I realised I was dreaming but didnt do any RC's or stabilize. I was looking all over for the kid when I found a big white horse outside. I jumped on and started riding with no saddle. It was great! I was going really fast through the country. There were pine forrests on either side of me. Thats when I remembered my task. I dismounted the horse and started running towards the forrest. I tried to pull scimitars out my my sides but there werent any. It felt like I was wearing a sweatshirt that was a few sizes too small. I said out loud "I am Drizzt Do'Urden" and looked at my hands as I imagined them becoming a dark grey/black but they didnt turn. Then the dream started destabilizing. I tried to hold on to it but it slipped and I woke up.