• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. Friend fragment | [30.04.2021]

      by , 04-30-2021 at 02:22 PM (Draeger's Dream Journal and Documentation)
      Friend fragment
      I am in school. I said something which would upset the mentioned friend in real life, and thus, in a moment of lucidity, I question that, but then I just went on with the dream plot.
    2. Thursday, March 11

      by , 04-02-2021 at 06:21 AM
      Arriving at a restaurant, I meet Brooke at a booth. The restaurant seems opulent and large, but almost like it’s inside something else, such as a shopping mall. I’m pretty sure Melissa is coming too. The waitress, cousin Renee, comes over quickly for our order. I think I tell her we need some time. Her interactions are hurried. Looking over the somewhat short menu, I decide on the ‘women’s dinner.’ I don’t care what it’s called - it comes with a few things that sound good. I also look over the drink menu - mostly frilly cocktails. When she comes back, we order. I think about asking if there might be a good beer that’s not on the menu, but decide against it, thinking it kind of desperate.




      I am in what seems like a highschool, showing up late to a class. Looking through the closed door, I see almost every seat (~20+) occupied. The teacher must notice me, as she tells me to come in. There is a project that’s due and is being presented today. Mine is a picture or sculpture of a dolphin? with drawn white lines on/below it. (*This reminds me of the painted dolphin sculpture I made and had as a kid.) With a lurch of the stomach I realize that I’m missing a large portion of what I need. I think these things are different line weights and an explanation of the typeset (*This is now reminding me of Dance, Dance, Dance and the Dolphin Hotel). I think that gets communicated to her, and she gives me time to do it. *Typing this a few days later, I’m remembering that sculpture as a whale, not a dolphin.




      I am in a plane that has just begun its descent into Reno. I notice that we are very close to the ground already; specifically, it looks like we’re above the riverwalk. Quickly, I begin to think we’re far too low for not being anywhere near the runway. This sentiment is apparently shared with the pilot, as, with an ominous mechanical groan, the plane slows and seems to try to begin reversing. At this point it is all but futile. The plane almost comically collides with a ballard and begins spinning. The pilot works to correct the spin, and we then land not too abrasively on the large sidewalk. The ride was enough to set me a little on edge but not enough to terrify me, seeing how close to the ground we already were. At one point, I saw peoples’ shocked expressions as they watched from behind the curtain wall of a taller building. After the plane has settled, we unbuckle and disembark as if this is not too uncommon.
    3. 16 Mar: Gore nightmares of genocide and demonic possession

      by , 03-16-2021 at 09:05 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At some African small village. Some white man is rounding up black and white children to burn them alive. Nobody stops him, as if afraid of the consequences and I don't get it, because all I see is one man. When he lights the fire, I scream in horror and decide it's worth risking my life to fight for the children. I first throw rocks at the guy and hit him in the head. He falls on the ground and I beat the shit out of him, break his arm and try to strangle him. I am really possessed and ripping the guy apart. The villagers use the chance to put out the fire and save the kids. A black female police arrives and asks me to stop beating the guy, so she can take him into custody. Then I am lauded as an hero and invited to some big music event. The band playing sounds a bit like AC/DC. There is then an after party and I come with Riverstone. Someone complains he wasn't invited and I yell at them that he is the reason I am still alive (don't know why).

      At my teenage room at my mom's house, but different, because it is on ground level. Some dude breaks in my window and I think he wants kill me, but then he just grooms me and seduces me and I feel like he wants to abuse me. Riverstone is in the house somewhere and the guy is alerted by the noises of his presence, so I use the opportunity to claim my boyfriend is coming. The guy gives up his intents and prepares to leave, but lets me know that he will return. So I lock and glue the windows shut. (So Riverstone did save me, but in a future dream. Odd.)
      The stalked does not come back to my house, instead he causes a fake fire at my high school, to make everyone come out and then kinda kidnaps me. When he does so, I detach from my own body and see myself as a young blonde teen girl. He says something to her ears and she is bewitched. Next time he comes, she actually is longing for him and she kisses him in front of the school colleagues. Since he is an older man in his 30s, all kids and teachers present react in shock and she looks at them like she couldn't care less and finds them all pitiful. Later she is with teachers and colleagues at a workshop where they have some practical crafting lessons. The creepy guy is there too, at first just like a ghost. He possesses or hypnotizes a teacher that throws himself at a rotating saw, cutting himself in half and splashing blood and guts everywhere. Everyone is horrified and then the guy materializes, looking devilish. Now is obvious to me that he is a demon. He grabs the dead teacher's heart and gives it to the girl for her to eat it. She somehow is now fully naked and covered in blood and everyone else runs away. But I confront him. I want to stop him. And now he wants to kill me. He traps me in some kind of mental maze, the space around me transforms so that I can't get out of it. One room leads to an identical one and he is always there. There is no escaping. At first he just taunts me and I get a knife and slit his throat every time I see him, but he just appears in the next room and the next. Then I try to kill one of his manifestations by stabbing him repeatedly and slitting his throat while repeating like a mantra "in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit". I don't know why, because I am a buddhist. He seems to lose some strength and not be able to fight back. Then I kill another one and chop him into pieces and stab and slice each organ including the heart and as a result it opens an horizontal slit on a wall, to escape this place and go back to the "real world". I repeat the prayer even more intensely and feel like I conjure the Holy Spirit as a gush of wind comes through the slit and pushes through the space behind me, as if to blow the demon away from me. Once outside, there is a stairway and as I climb it, I also get the power to multiply into endless manifestations, so I am ready to face the demon if he comes after me. Strangely enough, those manifestations are all dressed up as the Daredevil or some kind of Power Ranger type of suit in dark red and blue tones.
    4. Welcoming death. Winning money.

      by , 03-13-2021 at 06:53 PM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      Doomsday is coming and we are about to rescue earth from a meteor by launching a rocket and explode the threat. We ready the rocket and launch, the rocket is going up but suddenly it turns of to the left and explodes on the surface. We go in a car and try to drive away from the location the meteor is going to crash. We drive by a lake as a big missile i penetrating the water and starts to spread a relatively slow explosion. I'm driving and see it closing in. I look back and scream "finally, I welcome you death". I feel a bit ashamed because my dad is sitting next to me. The fire closes in and eats me and I feel my body evaporating. We wait for the car to explode and suddenly it does.

      Notes: We watched a movie some weeks ago with very similar action.

      I'm in a big school and we have just played some kind of sport in the gym. I forgot my shoes and go back again. Gabriel is with me and we keep on walking. There is a door that is locked. Gabriel opens it with his key but I think to myself that it would be better for me to open the door so that he does not need to waste his keys. Mr Beast comes and congratulates me that I won 2 million kr. I am very happy and we are about to hug but then I think about corona and we stop halfway. I instead go on my knees and hug his very long legs. I ask him what he would have done if he got this money when he was in my age. He says: "I would probably have bought a bunch of CD-discs just so that I could make a tower or something as stupid." We laugh together.

      Notes: Our conversation was in swedish.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    5. Dream shows me why I hear voices in my dreams. Naked on a train.

      by , 03-03-2021 at 08:24 PM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      I've had a really bad recall the past days. Pretty frustrating.

      I'm by Håkanssons' house and I'm vacuum-cleaning the floor in the room to the left of the entrance. John is also cleaning upstairs. A big high tech screen is showing up on the wall and I see a brain hologram in neon green color in darker shades. A voice is telling me that she is going to explain why I hear voices in my dreams. The two brain-halves move apart and I hear a certain frequency (Not certain). She tells me that I can experience sounds because of how the brain-halves move apart and together. The brain-halves move together and stand next to each other but on the wrong sides. There is a new hologram head to the left.

      I'm on a train with dad. I'm wearing a towel but I'm pretty much naked. I look around and see some persons to my right from last year's upper class in nature. They are half naked too. I'm wearing some kind of underwear but I'm feeling exposed either way.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    6. ccxxvi. Around town, cabinet climbing, crystal complex, basement meeting place

      by , 02-14-2021 at 03:40 PM
      14th February 2021

      Dream:

      (Long-ish. Recall broken up a bit.)

      Some bit in my home town. It seems dark but it's kind of day time, it's not just cloudy, because there's still colour saturation even in the dark. I walk around a corner of a modified version of where the primary school I went to is. There's something about this dream segment that has some consistency with previous dreams around this area. The buildings' height seems slightly exaggerated. The school itself has the main building in a different place, it's where the gate should be.

      There are some people I sort of bump into and talk with, I forget who. We are on the pavement by the main road that passes here, in front of the police station and where my cousin used to live.

      (Another bit, don't recall surroundings)

      There's some kind of wooden cabinet, not unlike the one we have here at home but smaller? Lighter wood stain. I'm trying to climb it. It has a hole of some sort on an inner side panel up top in the middle. Somehow, this is the entrance into a building. I've been there previously in the dream but recall is lost. The centres of mass in play mean that I can't balance myself properly to climb up.

      I remember I ask someone for help, someone I knew from school comes by, C?

      (gap)

      There's something about a vacuum and my eldest sibling. A car parking lot? Sort of hilly.

      Then, I'm in some kind of complex. It's got a high tech but magical feel. Purple and deep blue hues, with light blue highlights. Light seems neutral otherwise. Crystal walls or something. I am with other people, forget who, but one I think is a dream character and is guiding the way.

      Then a room with a crystal bridge or something. I think I cross it. Then I'm in a more normal looking basement. There are more people here, some possibly from my family. Some are just pure dream characters.

      (gap)

      I'm at a table in this basement with some other people, or perhaps I'm just a presence. A guy is having a happy conversation, with the air. And someone at the table starts to think this is odd. Then I see through his eyes and see he's talking to a ghostly woman.

      (rest of recall too vague to put into words)



      Notes:

      - Lately I've been playing a game where a character keeps seeing his dead girl-friend. That last bit from the dream seemed to be a related intrusion from that context.
      - The crystal place had a certain familiar feel, but I can't quite place it. On introspection, it only seems to be related to a general feeling of certain archetypical locations from several media (primarily animated films, games).
    7. ccxxiv. Notes, Discord, Village

      by , 02-12-2021 at 01:12 PM
      10th February 2021

      Notes:


      Haven't made much effort to recall, though initial recall was decent. Lately I've still been struggling to get up, but managed to get up at quarter past ten today.

      Dream vividness has been a bit lower I think, though I can't say with certainty, possibly because I haven't been taking Vitamin B so much after re-reading up on B6's half-life.

      Trying to not fall asleep again, my mind became distracted with random drawing ideas for my characters. Part of my issue at the moment seems to be I can't manage to feel compelled to record anything in the morning, possibly made worse by the fact I'm not getting up at what I'd consider a "good time". Partly sunny this morning.

      12th February 2021

      Fragments:

      Bit about Discord. V sends me a message about some video, but the video link isn't on the private message, it's on my server. I think I wonder why he did this.

      I check out the video; it shows what I in the dream assume to be his school, a high school? My presence enters the video. In a classroom, there's some kind of exercise about characters drawn on the chalkboard and they resemble Pokemon or something. Recall is too vague.

      Another bit, outside in a town or village with H. We're getting in our out of the van. I remember narrow pavement and cobbled roads as well as a certain hilliness; it has a feel of my native country. Something political but entirely fictional happens in this dream segment; recall details are gone.
    8. Going into parallel universe with my sister through dream seance. I'm the worst in the competition.

      by , 02-01-2021 at 02:57 PM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      I'm in the kitchen with mom and my sister. There are two benches next to the table. Me and my sister lie in one each and hold our hands. We are talking about going to another place and that we have a mission. The atmosphere is mysterious as we close our eyes and wait for something to happen. We are teleported into an old store with a very big shop keeper. He offers us a lot of things for free and we take a lot of tools such as shovels and pickaxes. I take two lanterns and am about to walk out. Another man comes to us and warns me about the lantern and that an evil spirit is held within. I inspect the lantern and see a broken window and feel that there is a spirit in it. The shop keeper is raging and running against me. We fight for some time.

      I'm in a quiz competition with school. Tove is the best and I am worthless. There are some questions about things I have never heard about before. There is some kind of ship on an ocean too.
    9. ccviii. School stuff and a brief rampage

      by , 01-11-2021 at 05:31 PM
      11th January 2021

      Dream:

      At a school. For whatever reason, it has headstones on its gardens like a church yard would. I'm in a classroom initially, banal stuff happens. Not sure what the class/lecture is. Feels like school from when I was between age 10-15.

      Eventually, a second teacher comes in. A black woman, she smiles a lot and seems friendly. She sits next to me on my left at my desk. I notice she has extremely short hair, not unlike my own haircut in waking life right now but her hair is curly. Her skin tone itself is very dark but not the darkest I've ever seen.

      She smiles and we talk about some forms I was supposed to have filled. It was some kind of evaluation or assessment, I remember doing bits of it beforehand. There's this page with a table layout and she asks if we should go from there. She's sort of... half on a phone line with someone at the same time? That other person can hear our conversation but I don't remember hearing them.

      At some point, I notice we're outside, still sitting at the same desk. As we're going through the page, because of the way she explains some things, it becomes obvious to me that what little I'd done was not fully correct and my assumptions about the column headers were erroneous.

      I have some vague recall that it was an assessment about my physical symptoms.

      It's kind of a perfect day; sunny outside with a very light amount of distant clouds. I feel or notice the tufty grass under where we're sitting.

      She gets another call, or someone comes? and tells her that she's going to be suspended from work. Apparently, she forgot (and I didn't know) that we were violating the rights of the dead, by blocking the space between them and the sky. She's not phased by this and smiles politely but genuinely. This other party berates me and tells me I'll be failing this class. I feel sad and start sobbing.

      The black lady leads and accompanies me into one of the school halls. Dark and unlit, except for a reflecting glow from outside.

      I ask her, in my native language and in anger and crying, "why is there such a stupid rule?". I feel frustrated and say whatever else comes to mind, and I say "it's a pointless rule!" as I walk toward a window. From a first-floor (we were on a ground floor a moment ago but I didn't notice this) window I see the tightly packed headstones and ask "why the hell does a school even have graves on its grounds?!" and I think I walk back to her and we walk together a little bit.

      She's about to say something and I try to stop sobbing and I say "I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault" and I feel that the suspension she's getting is completely unfair. She smiles again and tells me something, also talking about her suspension though before she can manage to comfort me I feel myself running away, still angry and confused at everything that had just happened.

      I'm not on the school grounds anymore and I'm running angrily and aimlessly through a city street wide enough for six cars. Three buses following behind each other are coming my way, slowly, but I make no effort to avoid them at first. I think about how I could die crushed by one and nobody would care, but before I get too close, I preserve myself and avoid getting trapped or run over but in a blind anger I swing my arms at them, trying to hit the back plating. I continue running down the street in my emotional state with some awareness of people around looking at me a little.

      The street slopes downwards and is in the shade of a large and tall building to the left. As the street continues down it has an edge and beyond that in the distance I see the rest of this massive city lit by sunlight, on a sort of cylindrical slope or half-tube. It's an amazing cityscape but I don't even make an effort to appreciate this during the dream.

      (later, or after waking up and falling asleep again while thinking about how I would like to be lucid and would like to anger an Olympian god)

      I'm in a dark house. There's a door leading to a basement with vehicles and I want to take a bomber jet. Mom is in this first room and tells me that dad took something out for a ride but as I approach the door he comes through it and lets me know that I can't use what I was wanting to, just right now. I seemingly don't care too much and go through anyway and get on a "mini" battleship, no bigger than a small van.

      I take it out and immediately I'm in some kind of combat adventure. There are bad guy lackeys trying to shoot at me but they do so in vain and even though "miniature" this battleship moves a ton of water; I'm going down some kind of tropical river. Going down some rapids I think about taking out some more distant targets and then I open a realistic-view interactive map of a nearby area and decide I want to teleport there, trying to pick a precise spot and imagining the best spot to make the battleship drop on to displace a lot of water when it reappears and falls in. But when I actually do teleport, I'm not in the battleship anymore.

      I'm now some kind of gorilla; some remnant of the anger from the earlier dream returns, in some way. I go down an area full of people and cars and I attack them but only in passing; I seem to be focusing on simple continuing along and just damaging whatever's within reach along the way. At one point near the end, a panicked man in his car pointlessly tries to run me over. I'm about the same size as the car but easily avoid it and then proceed to chase after him for a while before I lose interest and continue my aimless rampage. This bit takes place near a fast food car park.



      Notes:

      - This dream was completely non-lucid and at no points did my awareness really raise any higher; there were no pre-lucid thoughts or feelings. It was very vivid overall and all emotions were quite intense, but none of the intensity carried over on waking.

      - I took an extra supplement before bed last night.

      - That woman was such a nice person and after writing my initial notes for the dream it really reminded me of how lucky I was through school at times, having had figures like her present not just once but many times.
    10. Worries for school

      by , 01-09-2021 at 08:04 PM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      I'm in school and remember that I forgot to hand in the history assignment. I walk through a lot of doors.

      Notes: I have an assignment to tuesday. I have to fix it soon. I remember that I had one more school and worries related dream yesterday too.
      Tags: school, worries
      Categories
      non-lucid
    11. Chase Fragments and Escape

      by , 12-23-2020 at 05:29 AM (Oneironautic Escapades)
      12/22/20

      I am in some shower house E is there, long hallway with multiple showers in it. Just about to get in one when the whole house jolts to the side. There are electric pulses running through the walls and the ceiling I gather the house has been hit by lightning it must be storming outside. We go outside and it is storming hard. We try to duck and I warn other people coming to the house to watch out for the lightning.

      I am with my brother J. I gather we are in some kind of highschool/middle school combo, both have girlfriends our ages who are our companions. We venture around the school for a while then begin being chased by the security for some reason. I understand there is a terminator type character coming after us. We leave the property in different vehicles. He has a big blue van I end up driving later on. I have multiple sets of keys in my pocket. My companion is with me.

      We go to a restaurant and know that we are wanted by the law. The other people in the restaurant are older folks who don't know who we are. We get a table and sit down to eat. After some time people start to become suspicious of us, there is a tv which is broadcasting our pictures and mentioning that we are being pursued.

      I now have the blue van my brother was driving and he is no where to be seen. It is my companion and myself we narrowly escape as I fumble for the right set of keys to get the older van to start. It has blue carpet inside.

      We are back at the school. It must be lunchtime so I stand in one of the lines to get food. There are only drinks at this line in a cooler on the ground. I keep pulling bottles out which have been drunk out of. I want chocolate milk and pull out a milk shake base which is melted in some kind of container. I don't have any money and gather everything here costs something. The lady at the register just gives me a drink after I pull a small carton of chocolate milk out. I walk around more and notice many different lines for people to get food but they are all different types of desserts. Like chocolate pies and candies and brownies and everything sugary. I ask someone if there is any actual food here and they seem surprised none of the lines have food ready. They tell someone else that we're down to chocolates and they need to prepare more. I find a line in a back room that has some old pizza on it. After I get a couple pieces and begin walking back to my table I notice more food starting to get brought out like dumplings and tacos of sorts. I shrug it off and continue back to my table.

      Towards the end the whole thing feels like it has been a movie production of a sorts. Everyone is happy that the shooting has ended and just hanging around with that satisfied completed feeling. I see some kids who I thought were in middle school and I ask them what grade they are actually in, they say fifth and I am surprised the production used actual correct aged kids for their roles as middle schoolers. We are all walking in a line beside the building in a field back to the main area.

      I am with my companion again and she is happy to be with me. As we are leaving the lot she shows her ID to the guard. He stands there looking at the ID suspiciously for a few seconds. Looking back to her and the ID, I ask him if he wants to take a picture and start to pull off. He reluctantly tosses the ID back towards our open window and I catch it with one hand. We pull off and start driving away, she tells me she is happy that I'm here, we hold hands while I have one hand on the steering wheel and the dream fades as we pull out to the main street.
    12. Worrying dreams

      by , 12-19-2020 at 04:20 PM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      Slept a lot this night.

      I'm in a house with David and some more people in my age. And old woman tells us that we have done something bad and wants us to be punished. I bang my head against the wall and think that it is very weird. I walk out the door.

      I'm in a school and there comes a lot of pupils. They hang black big locks over their lockers and I feel afraid.
      Tags: cousins, school
      Categories
      non-lucid
    13. School, drugs and animal abuse

      by , 12-13-2020 at 08:30 AM (DJ of lucid goals and how it goes)
      I had one of the longer dreams that left me with impressions when I woke up.

      I'm at a college and walking around with two girls in my age. A man a bit older than us guides us and starts to chew some kind of thing. He tells us that he is a test person and that the thing he chewed can have a side effect of making his vision go bad and asks us if we want some. One of the girls says that it is undercover drugs and the girls do not want any. The man says yes and laughs. I take one and when we walk over a big height my vision goes bad so that I can't see that it is a big fall. It looks as though it is only 1 meter down but before it was maybe 10 meters. I understand that it is the drugs and that it is understandable that many people die of jumping of heigh places when they are affected by drugs.

      I'm outside with some schoolmates and a teacher. I run away with two girls. Both are supposed to be my age but one of them looks just like my physics teacher that looks like she's 70 years old. There comes a car with a teacher in it and we hide by a corner. The teacher could have seen us if he looked closely.

      I'm walking town with Claus and dad. Earlier in the dream there was some kind of time traveling and the prime minister changed place. I asked Claus and dad about this but I became very bad with words so I could not say what I meant. I do my RC and tells them that this probably is a dream. The RC doesn't work so I keep on walking with them.

      I'm in my brother's bed and we are changing clothes. I pick up some socks but they all have holes in them. When I leave the bed some other kids about 11 years old take the bed.

      It's some kind of computer game but I'm in a school. I run around and I'm apparently late to school. I am able to choose which school I want to go to and I choose the one with a girl I met earlier in the dream. She makes some kind of joke and I laugh at it and makes a joke too. I don't really understand them but she seems to like them so I laugh too. There are two more people in our company and they also join us. There is a big school disco and everyone starts to dance. New fragment. We're inside and sitting on a sofa. There comes a guitar and a girl says that she wants to show us her new song that is called "My Song". She starts to sing but it ends very quickly. I want to take the guitar but it is transformed to an acoustic bass instead. I say something about it impressed but no one seems to notice.

      I'm in a different country and there are some news about a man that has sewn snakes for some mad purpose. I watch some videos where he uses a sewing kit and sew a living snake. He uses some other tools and brutalizes it until it's not much left of it. He cuts a part from it in order to eat later. I am disgusted and think about how there are crazy people in the world. He takes a big crocodile about 3 meters long and cuts a piece of the middle. He walks out with the crocodile and holds its distance with a long plastic stick. The crocodile screams in pain and tries to kill itself by banging its head against a wall. The crocodile enters someone's house and a big lion attacks the crocodile. They fight for a while but the lion wins. I'm now in my own body and the woman in the house thanks us for something. I walk back to home but we are on an island. My family sits around a round table outside and they ask me if I can grab something to drink from the fridge. They also say something about the woman from before. I walk inside and it looks nothing like our home. I open the fridge and find some good looking drinks. I grab one and walk out.

      Notes: I didn't excpect to remember this much. The school theme was prominent in the dreams. There were also three girls that intrested me in them.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    14. Tuesday, September 29

      by , 12-13-2020 at 06:16 AM
      I am in class with Kreg. The room is fairly large and open, with maybe 10 students (no one is wearing a mask - Covid doesn’t seem to exist in this dream). We are making models, I think for a house. I’ve finished mine - before anyone else? and Kreg looks at it. I have a vertical plain façade with a small, perpendicular plain protruding a foot or so over on the left and a sweeping, curvilinear roof. It is honestly somewhat impressive, a sentiment that Kreg shares. I tell him I imagined it going in above the Truckee River near downtown. Now, we are at the site? and this model has been put in/built life size, though looking different. It’s at an angle, and the roof is a different curvilinear shape. There are two bands of color, light and darker blue, and I tell Kreg I like how they’re complimenting the sky behind. It is modern looking.




      I am inside somewhere with Sage and her old boyfriend Ryan. He has downloaded an app that makes him weightless and/or able to fly. There is an open threshold to the outside (a small jumble of rocks, I think at the top of the cliff), through which he steps and begins the transition to flying. I watch as for a moment he seems to sink into this other ‘side’ - there’s a slight and slow ripple through his body. He then easily steps off a rock and floats through the air. Sage goes next, with some enthusiasm, jogging to and leaping off the rock. Now she and Ryan are back, and she’s showing me how to get the app. I fill out its small questionnaire, but it returns as declined. Apparently I answered something similar to ‘I am feeling exasperated with life.’ I make a joke concerning suicide and see in Ryan’s eyes that it gets to him. I think that his brother? committed suicide some time ago. I think I was cognizant of this but didn’t think it should stop me from making a joke. I’m now looking at a screen showing who is ‘logged in’ to this other ‘side’. I notice an ‘Rshort” but know it’s Ryan’s brother, as he has the same name.
    15. Fragments, The Death of Ninjas Brother, Track Meet

      by , 12-08-2020 at 09:43 PM (Oneironautic Escapades)
      12/8/20

      Walking around outside a Walmart I think, I keep finding folded up money on the ground. Only ones and fives but they are all folded different ways. Some of them aren't even full bills

      Hanging out with Ninja and a couple of his friends in a room. They are being kind but one of them is still kind of shady so I keep an eye on him. At one point he comes back from upstairs and tells me my dad gave him this pen and hands it to me. I doubt him because the pen is important to me and there is no way my dad gave it to him. I call him out for it and ninja is embarrassed his friend is being shady.

      Ninjas brother now is being really nice and shows me a bunch of gifts he got for me and my family. They are like Valentine's gift baskets with chocolate and various things in them. It now becomes combined with minecraft somehow and he tells me when I activate a certain point it will build a house for me on top of where we are. I am flabbergasted and very grateful I gather this thing was very important and it's very kind of him to spend so much money on me and my family. Ninja is also surprised.

      The friend is gone and it's just him and his brother now they are both drinking and rather drunk. Ninja warns me we need to look out for his brother cause he is somewhat suicidal. We're upstairs and his brother is being sloppy drunk and they are goofing around each other. The brother wants to dive down the stairs cause he thinks it will be funny. We both say no and tell him not to cause it is dangerous and he could seriously hurt himself. We get him to stop but he's still being sloppy drunk.
      We are outside now and the brother is laying down next to ninja, they are laughing about something so we stop laying attention to him for just a minute. He picks up a small firecracker looking object and puts it on his forehead. He says goodbye to us and lights the fuse. It is a thermite flare and immediately burns bright and downward with great heat and turns his head to ash. We are both taken aback and cannot believe this just happened. Ninja is in disbelief and quite emotional. I try to comfort him but am still in shock about the occurrence.

      I use the little money I have left to buy a tracksuit. Like under armour tops and bottoms. It is cold out so I have a hat and a woven looking balaklava on. I am lining up with tons of other students for a track meet. I am still pretty upset about my friend but feel kind of numb about it, my parents keep trying to comfort me but I act apathetic. Mom tells me she is sorry I had to spend my money on a running outfit. I shrug. We are now lining up with other students who are stretching and getting ready for the meet. I feel like this is my first time running but still feel very capable to perform well. I acknowledge I'm not in the best shape and may not have the endurance but still feel like I may place. I see other people running and competing, I am unsure what event I will be in. I tell someone I've never been in track before (not true IWL) I see a couple kids practicing their baton pass. I decide there's no way I'm running more than 400m without dying. I wake up while talking to my dad who somehow jumped over a chair.
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