The time is late spring and for some people that means it's time to look for colleges. I'm not one of those people. That doesn't stop me though. Why? To this day I'm still not quite sure. It's one of those days where things just happen - no reason. The sun is shining and the flowers are budding. You're just there. The area seems oddly reminiscent of my elementary school. Or was it? The walls of the courtyard are overgrown with vines. The grass hasn't been mowed in a long time. A stillness in the air creeps down my spine. Mel, Trav, and I walk. Leaves glide through the air in slow motion. Then we see it. A bear, dead ahead. Standing right up on its hind legs, glaring straight at our faces. It doesn't phase us too much, however, and Trav continues to push Mel and I on the tire swing of the largest tree in the courtyard. It's a wonder, extending what appears to be miles up into the air. Then the bear begins its approach. I'm standing face to face with it now. It still has yet to make a move so I take the initiative and make it first. I kick the bear right in the face with the force of ten Optimus Primes. Shit. Did not know I had that in me. Fuck, that bear is pissed off now. >:O That's my illustration of its expression. The sound that came out of its mouth sounded something like my dad sleeping after a night of Taco Bell. Except with artillery involved somewhere in the mix. The bear roars right at Mel, sending a stream of bear phlegm all down her face. She doesn't scream. Damn, girl's got balls. But she does run (probably a wise decision). We run like fucking hell. Like the devil is chasing us. Or a fucking bear. We arrive at the parking lot of the highschool, the bear tailing not far behind us. Everyone rolling blading in the parking lot notices the bear. Panic ensues. So I get Mel into the lobby. The principle walks in and sits down at the table. I look up from my art project and notice how much he looks like the dean from Community. "You know you really look a lot like that dean from Community." "Is that so?" A knock on the door. "Matt, your documentation is ready." Weird. What the fuck am I doing back at the highschool. Didn't I graduate college? Fuck these documents. I'm in trouble... "Matt, it's been a long time! How are you?" I look to my left and see Mr. Morgan, my 9th grade art teacher. With him is Mrs. Perry. We make small talk. Turns out Mr. Morgan and Mrs. Perry are married now. Whoop dee doo. I find it weird when teachers marry other teachers. Well not necessarily weird. Apes marry other apes after all. And clown fish marry other clown fish. Tree stars marry other tree stars. Wait, do they? Who the fuck is Mrs. Perry? The teachers and Mr. ...? Whoever he is, he's the guy who tried to get me to read a book on ethnic diversity senior year for making jewish jokes during class. But then he decided that was a fucking retarded idea and committed himself to a mental institution highschool Anyway, that guy is trying to keep everyone in the lobby calm and the guards aren't letting anyone outside. Too dark to tell what's out there. Gotta wait I guess. Oh well, rules are rules. Hisssssss.. CRACCCK. SLEEEUAAGRGGG The FUCK? Great. Some weird fucking creatures are outside now. I hate it when this happens. Now I'm gonna have to wait the amount of time it takes Oprah Winfrey to lose fifty pounds until I can get home. Fuck this. I'm not waiting. You know what? I never pulled the fire alarm during highschool. This seems like as good a time as any. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEE Huh. I guess weird slithering creatures with that look like they have leprosy hate the sound of fire alarms. Awesome. So Mel and I leave. I'm walking her home through the neighborhood now when I notice she's not by my side anymore. "Mel?" Now that I think of it, there aren't ANY people around. Is this one of those Twilight Zone episodes where I've been transported to another planet by aliens or something? Because that would be cool, but the problem with that is they never seem to give you any music either. It's always so goddam quiet in those episodes. Wtf is with aliens and their opposition to music? I look back and notice the road is gone. 100% total dead end. Well that's confusing. Woosh. I turn back around and a hagrid old lady in black robes and large pointy hat stands in front of me. Great, wicked witch of the west imitators. Of all places why did the aliens have to drop me on Hollywood blvd? Then she rambles on about some shit how if I ever want everything back to normal I have to do some weird shit for her. I don't know what it was. I tend not to listen to people dressed as witches in the middle of a suburban New Jersey neighborhood. Especially when they're holding a broom that looks like a vacuum cleaner. Oh and she says something about people's lives being at stake. I'm not the biggest fan of people messing with me every since the new england clam chowder prank in elementary school so this kind of pisses me off. I tell her I'll do her thing though. Whatever that is. Hmm, maybe I should have listened to her. I hope pleasuring her isn't involved or something like that.. Regardless, Mel is gone and I have to help her. Either way, I'm not sure what I really did, but everyone reappears and the road is back to normal. Now this lady witch person is ANGRY. I mean like Stewie-being-put-in-a-high-chair-and-having-his-bazooka-taken-away - angry. Shut the fuck up. I punch her in the face. Damn, there's that Optimus Prime force again. I gotta figure out how I'm doing that. Punching witches is strangely satisfying. Mel and I continue our walk home and she doesn't seem to remember a thing that happened. Funny how the people close to you never realize how much you do actually care and how much you go through to keep them safe. Even if it all was just a dream.
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