First night I just had dreams that Jamie found a girlfriend. I always knew she liked both, not going to judge.I have some borderline traits myself, being unsure of your sexuality is a given. I did find these dreams a little distressing. In these dreams it seems I am watching them from a distance, and not a participant. Next night. another flash of Jamie being with a girl, but this time I can see them having sex... Honestly I don't know why I dream these things and sometimes loathe the connection. (When she moved in 2011, I first had a dream she was sleeping with some guy but wasn't feeling it. Then I dreamed she was sleeping with a woman, a few days later she switched her orientation status on FB. You gotta realize I'm not trying to spy, these things just come to me and sometimes I wish they wouldn't) Captured Just a flash of me and Jamie in a western setting. Some big guy in a cowboy hat captured us and we are ties and gagged by a fence. Jamie looks my way in distress. Last night Looking I was in a crowd at night time and noticed Jamie in the crowd looking at me. Silence I get a job at a newly opened seafood restaurant. I'm in orientation with a group of people. Jamie is in the group, as well as some other pretty girl with crazy braids. Jamie doesn't look at me at all, but keeps lingering by. I'm drinking a soda pop from a glass bottle. The top somehow breaks. I go to the sink area to clean it up. Jamie follows me, or is doing something in the same area. She's really silent, but lingering by. I find the silence really uncomfortable as I try to clean up the glass. No way I'm walking outside early morning. I'm upset. In my dream memories Jamie had told me that she didn't want to see me anymore because I was too, "Emotionally immature." I go by a mcdonald's but it's not open in the plaza. I see my brother wandering into Tim Horton's. and decide to follow him in. First of all, I'm just going to assume that something is wrong in the dreams. (She's been attacked by dream demons constantly especially since "The Boyfriend." dream). Second. I admit: I have severe emotional problems, they have gotten a lot better since older. I was mentally and emotionally abused and abandoned by my dad specifically. The effects of that abuse have stuck with me my entire life. I know Jamie had similar problems, that she briefly told me about herself. So, I always saw that as an opportunity to relate to one another and be there for one another. Things DO get easier with age. and I've been doing my best to work on that. I'm scared too, if Jamie were to come into my life again. There is a lot of emotional trauma around one another, and how we handled things in the past to work through. It wouldn't be easy, it might be hard. We are going to make mistakes. But I want to do it, and I want to become better and be better this time.
I woke up remembering a whole bunch of '80s songs. Or at least I think it was more than one... The last one I had in my head was a fully formed song, every instrument, vocals, lyrics, everything, and I'm not sure if it even exists in real life. I've had this before over a decade ago, when I dreamt a complete Depeche Mode song that did not exist. Not unlike what generative AI does these days, except better. Anyway, this latest song had "don't stop" as a repeating lyric, but that's so vague it was impossible to find on Google even if it existed.
I subscribed to a Patreon type of service from a Dutch musician I like, it came with a perk that gave me access to a wooden chair that would float up into the sky. It didn't have straps or anything, I just had to hold onto the chair as it kept floating higher. Eventually it would reach the stratosphere where I would feel the burning sensation in my body as I felt my bones freeze for a split second before the chair would turn right back down, landing as if nothing had happened. 10/10, would subscribe again! As I landed, I went to a German thrift store where I apparently worked as a cashier where they still paid with cash out of a small box instead of a cash register and had to calculate the change while a large queue of people was waiting. A customer gave me €150 in cash for a €38,40 book and I had to pull out my phone calculator. I woke up before I could finish calculating. Cashier experience was definitely influenced by my one German speaking job in Berlin where I worked at a classical music festival as a bartender where I had more problems with calculating the change than I had with speaking German.
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