Recent DJ Posts

Three hours of sleep before work, immediately went back to sleep after work. I never plan to, it's just a bad habit and an unfortunate effect from being overworked. If all goes to plan, I'd have a month of 40 hours/week left, hopefully!

Also, I drank more apple juice, two bottles!

I dreamed that we had a school project about New York, and were paired up to do an assignment about New York in Utrecht. This girl was grinding her back against me the entire time the teacher explained the assignment while another teacher tried offering me Disneyland tickets which half of the class had except for me because I was broke. This girl I paired up with briefly looked like my colleague from my job, before looking like this girl from 4th grade that I was constantly beefing with (it was one-sided and I'm very embarrassed about how I behaved towards her) she randomly brought up that I should visit my dad with her and watch his surprise seeing me with her.

We briefly stop at a McDonalds with a terrace looking exactly like this open air club I was at the other day, because she wanted to return food she ordered or something. Meanwhile I'm taking a nap on the backseat of a car I borrowed, but didn't lock. I wake up and noticed that, although no damaged windows, the car was broken into and things beneath the chairs were taken.

I also notice that the car barely starts up and look for a gas station nearby, after my brain errors in my dream and refusing to let me look at my phone screen property with Google maps glitching and zooming in and out too extremely, I finally see a gas station nearby at the end of the park road I was parked in. However a conflict comes up which I have had multiple recurring dreams about: I am left alone with my parent's car at a random place and need to move it, but I don't have a driver's license as I don't know how to drive! I keep thinking about whether I should take the risk and just attempt to drive that last bit of the car and hope I don't get caught if I drive correctly.

I call my mom to explain the situation of me having to move the car. I leave the car behind on the park while another car in the background ironically gets towed, I go to my family home andy mom made a plan which includes a living Golden Retriever dog hidden in a statue made out of apples as a distraction decoy, while a fictional old antisocial neighbour I have gets in the car and drives it away. The neighbour dislikes going outside and this whole detailed plan was made for him to get into the car while avoiding any form of social interaction. My mom then tells me to bring a college essay, I quickly print one before leaving the house.

I for whatever reason had this small model of office buildings in my home office in my apartment where I kept my work supplies, which was a visual I briefly saw moments before realising I was dreaming and didn't have to go through with the extremely detailed plan.

Dream was in Dutch.

- Teamwork
- Adventure
- Hanging out with friends
- Comic book/Fictional characters
- False Awakenings

Last night my dream was actually a bit unsettling. In it, I watched as an utility pole came undone outside my house and landed on top of Karen Carpenter...yes, that Karen Carpenter. I was unable to move as poor Karen was electrocuted. She even blew apart into separate parts, right in the middle of the road.

I ran to my grandma's house and started freaking out. My whole family was there, but no one seemed upset that a 70s legend was lying dead and mutilated in the street. I looked outside to check on her. Her brother (I think his name is Richard?) was by her body, sobbing. It was heartwrenching, man.

I've noticed that a new recurring theme in my dreams has been people not hearing me or not caring when something happens that I consider important. I'm not sure if or how this applies to my waking life, but it's interesting to notice.

I had full control in these dreams but did not realize I was dreaming.

Most memerable
It was a brilliant star lit night and had gone out from from my parents apartment to see my cousins who were sitting in my grandparents RV. I discussed with them whether or not we should drive away but decided not too because we could get in trouble. I suddenly lifted off the ground and watched as the RV grew smaller and the rest of the neighborhood revealed itself. I circled about my house and flew just above and between some trees above the road.
I kept circling back and around the whole town. It was absolutely awesome to see what it all looked like from above.

Recurring flying dreams
There was a tall grassy field on the hill near our apartment that we used to play in all the time. At night I often dreamed that I would take off flying at that field or from right outside my apartment. I would always kind of lean forward and lift myself into the air. As I got higher I would float around and gain speed. If I was on a roll I could fly very far and high. I was so convinced that I had actually flown that I tried to fly in waking life... It didn't work even though I had flown before!!! It was then that it occurred to me that I had only flown in dreams.

Real-life situation: I've just found out my lifeboat dayjob is drying up (no more rent-paying work for me).

Recurring dream theme: I'm still working at my old regular-hours job in a hospital psychology department while doing tech writing on the side. (In real life, I left the hospital job 11 years ago and now pay my rent through tech writing for one client only while building up a resume, reel and contacts as an actor - which is scary but it's what I love to do.)

The dream: I've just come back from two weeks' vacation where I'm on set. I'm swimming from central Toronto back to the outlying area where the job was. I'm in a lake swimming close to shore, with a swimming coach calling out that these waves can be high - four feet high! - and to watch out for whales. Suddenly I feel a slimy, living presence pressing upward against me as I'm swimming. It seems to be a whale, but then I notice it's a manatee. Only I don't think of the word manatee - I think "cow-fish". This cow-fish follows me and rubs up against my leg like a cat.

The cow-fish follows me out of the lake. I climb up and find a towel hanging on a hook and dry myself off. I'm at the doorway to the hospital. I go in - discreetly, because I know I didn't tell Human Resources that I'd be off for two weeks - and try to find my office.

My office walls have been torn down and when I open the door, I'm outside in an enclosed courtyard. There are plants and carefully cultivated soil. I decide to go by the office of Joni, the receptionist there in the 80s, and try to find out what's going on.

On the way, Dan comes out of the men's washroom. I say hi to him. He stops me. "Navy," he says, "in this department, we have a policy concerning attendance. So far this year, you've been delinquent in attendance for 1057 days."

"What?" I answer. "No - look, I just got back - I'm looking for Joni. I can't deal with this at the moment. I'll talk to you about it later."

I find Joni, about to talk paperwork to the chief psychologist in the corner office. Meanwhile, I'm looking for my cats. Gonzo, the male cat, is in my office growling at the cow-fish, which now looks like a black foot-diameter cross between an angelfish and a terrier.

I grab a big tupperware container and go into the supply room to find Mimsie, the female, Gonzo's littermate. She's nowhere to be seen. Finally my sister Berta shows up and says, "I hope you don't mind - I substituted your big tupperware containers with these smaller ones. I didn't - you know - (shudder) - want you to - put a cat into something that food would be stored in later - you know?"

Ahhh, got it. I made another mistake.

A 12-year-old boy spots Mimsie in the supply room. "She's on top of the cow-fish!" he cries.

I put Mimsie into the small container, which has a bit of water in it. It's a tight squeeze, but she's only a five-month-old kitten. Then I go to talk to Joni. She's been crying. I ask her what's wrong and she says, "I'd only show these tears to you. I didn't get the kids."

I have no idea what she's talking about, but I sympathize and squeeze her arm. I offer any help I can. Then I tell her Dan just pretty much fired me. She smiles through her tears and says, "Great!! Now you can throw yourself full-time into what you've always wanted to do." We're hugging. She continues, "I mean, you're in your late 50s..."

"Late 40s," I correct her smilingly. I'll fight for those extra ten years!

I pass by Dan, who is sitting in one of the very informal meetings we're having, and he's shushing me. He starts talking about how I show up whenever I please and wear jeans and bring my cats to stay at work. "Aw, for God's sake, Dan," I retort, "Seth shows up carrying a bat and wearing a baseball cap! And Brianna with that piano in her office? Things have never been strictly protocol around here!!"

We get into a physical fight. I pull some martial arts moves on him. Someone pulls us away from each other.

I yell after him, "So you really are the Frank Burns of this Mash unit!!" Pause. "I said that to Seth 20 years ago during my first week!"

He's ignoring me. I go into my office to find Gonzo. By this time, Mimsie's head has swelled with water and she's turned into liquid. I quickly open the container, find her chest, and to CPR on her. The swelling in the head turns out to be a waterlogged white mouse that's stuck to her forehead. As soon as I remove the mouse, she stirs and awakens. She sees Gonzo, who is a full-grown cat, and she immediately grows to adult size.

My mom shows up from where she works in administration. I let her know what's going on. "I'm not in the mood to hear any whining," she says. "We have to go."

I'm at a revival meeting in a school auditorium, only it's a circular stadium. A man is preaching. I become aware that my attendance at high school classes consists of going to one room, reading a chapter in a textbook, and then going to another room and doing the same. (A frequent theme in my dreams.) The revival preacher is saying things with which I don't agree. A protest group enters through a door in the upper section of the quadrant to my left, and I can see them waving signs and chanting. I don't remember what they were chanting, but I know I agreed with them and started clapping. People in the auditorium don't like me because I clearly am on the side of the protesters. I'm supposed to be clapping and cheering at the preacher and being silent when the protestors enter. But that's not the way I honestly feel.

I speak out during the meeting and ask why they think it would be wrong to grow a new kidney for me from my own stem cells, especially after I've given one of mine to an ailing relative. They don't have an answer other than to tell me it's sinful and selfish for me to want one. Then when they're done ridiculing me to make an example of me, they start with a beautiful ballad-style song, sung by a lovely young-church-lady soprano with shorter, conservatively coiffed hair, about how important it is to be selfless and giving and to show the Lord's mercy, especially toward anyone who was different.

I get up and leave at that point, done with the hypocrisy. I go into the hall and realize I don't have my shoes. I see myself in a mirror as a beautiful older woman, but without shoes. I start to slide along the hallway and I suddenly have some kind of skate on. Then the floor becomes a kind of video game and there are images of electronic bricks getting in the way of my skates and trying to trip me up. Circumventing these bricks increases your score. I start skating expertly around the school - as if the hallways, which form a square, are a track - and one of the people watching says they'd love to see the blooper reel of when I started.

At this point the revival people, who are now ancient Roman rulers, come out and start a show. One of the exhibits is a man who has had a uterus implanted. He's four feet tall and they call him "Little Man". I open my big mouth and dare to ask why they'd told me a kidney implantation was impossible with me when they'd managed to implant an organ into this man that clearly didn't belong there. Then the uterus-man starts to skate too, as well as all the other spliced people, and they take over the track. I have to circumvent them while I'm skating.

K well, i've been having the same dream kind of. I recently moved across the country, and i keep dreaming about my old friends back where i used to live. and its been happening for like a week. is it trying to tell me something? oh and last night, i woke up two times at like two a.m. i'm not sure if that has to do with anything. but i just want to know what's going on D:

I'm in school again, except I'm my real age, 47. None of the other students know this, though, and if the teachers know it they don't care, so I get no special treatment. As usual, I have trouble finding the classrooms. If I'm late for history class or haven't done my homework, which is usual, I skip the class. In fact, I skip history the whole semester. I usually skip gym, too, because it's first thing in the morning and, well, I'd rather be at Starbucks. (Who in the world expects a 47-year-old to perform well in a high school gym class anyway??) I get my report card, with As and Bs in everything except history and gym. History is a B based on the final exam, for which I just had to read the textbook, but it's marked down to a D because you lose one mark for every class missed or late, up to two grades down. As I'm reading this at home with my sister and parents present (and I'm still 47), I remark, "You know, I'm 47 and I already have a Master's degree. These marks don't even matter because the school board already has my marks from 1981. This year is just filler anyway until I can arrange to be in a university-level film production program. Why should I even worry about it?" Everyone agrees.

This is a recurring dream. History and gym are usually the subjects failed. Also, the term "filler" might have come from my having cooked a tofu fake-egg-salad sandwich for my mom's lunch yesterday and explained to her about tofu being best used as tasteless "filler", for texture and for a vegan to get a full protein serving with all the amino acids and much fewer calories. (She had been grossed out by the idea of tofu until I'd explained this. Tofu is disgusting, to vegans too, if you eat it unprepared. It absorbs the flavour of whatever you cook or marinate it in.)

But.... How did "filler" in that context translate over to "filler" for the high school year I'm usually repeating in my recurring dream? Those are two totally different meanings, and that's a big conceptual jump!

I had many dreams last night, many dreams which I realize kind of all faded and looped into each other. So it was more like one long and changing dream, fading in and out of states of awareness. (which made it seem like separate dreams.) The past two nights though I distinctly remember telling myself I knew I was dreaming and became aware of my intention for several years now to lucid dream but then I became more lucid in my body and I assume I lost dream control or awareness.

Fragment: Lorenz was here with me and we were traveling downtown. I think I actually met her downtown. She was very nervous about something, and part of the time spent at this large school type environment although it was built and looked much different than mine or any real one in my dream. It was more castle like and large, like a private school or collage, with terraces and fancy architecture, etc. The coast of Lake Michigan was right next to the left or right side depending, how you looked at it, of the school. Again, Lorenz acted much more nervous than she did in reality or that I could ever remember her acting. There was some performance and many people watching and I remember I had to perform too. There was much more imagery but it all isn’t coming back to me. Anyways, there was a lot of anticipation, not all bad, in it.
I also feel like a cafeteria was also a part of this dream. Sometimes, I dream of cafeteria’s and having to order food or serve food or sit and eat in one. etc, etc

I’ve had similar dreams with swimming, and swim meets, although I was never a swimmer in my life. I have had dreams of swimming in large pools or having to swim and race in dark, and dangerous, scary oceans. I feel like this performing or anticipation greatly relates to the above little scene in my dream.

And then later on I ran into Sherry. Sherry was wearing a dress that was much different but kind of like what I was wearing and she criticized me for this, asking how I could wear it and why, assuming that I knew what she would plan to wear. She was kind of cold and distant, but for some reason I gave her a ride home anyways. She was mean actually, and had kind of become mean to me in real life. As has everyone actually.
This was actually supposed to be my high school however it was on the North Side, probably because of the times I have went up to visit and hang with Fela or go to a party. I was talking to Sherry and a boy I somehow knew.

Fragment: I was a kid and I was playing with a group of other kids. We were roller blading in this hilly environment. There were many pathways and as we were roller blading the sidewalk curved and made sharp turns or was blocked by buildings or other things you can imagine would block a child’s path while rollerblading, like grass. Then, we we skating and trying to hide from somebody. I think there were cops or parents or people looking for us with lights so we were trying to escape them. I think there were vague characters I could remember and sense as people from my life but couldn’t pin point anyone by face or name. All just vague representations I knew were representations of people but what people, I cannot say. We were having fun.

Fragment: It began that we were on a ship and it was speeding so fast I was so scared. I was so scared because I thought something bad would happen and to be in open water like that scared the shit out of me. Mom was with me for this part and she was comforting and assuring and made me feel safe. There might have been someone who reminded me a lot of a teacher I once had named (?) and he taught Math and Guitar. There was some sort of talent show while we were still on the ship and I thought it was really stupid and felt uncomfortable especially watching this fashion show that several girls put on. 6 of them fell or something. I remember that there was 6 of them that fell down. Some were black. After that, I guess we must have landed and everyone started walking towards wherever we were going in a large group, lots and lots of people were here together. Some of us knew each other. I stayed by my dad and I felt very protective of him here. I worried about him and wanted to save him as suddenly there were intense rain clouds but it seemed like it was going to be really bad weather. Like very dangerous weather. This dream was like the earlier one in that there was still a lot of rushing and I was running again as fast as I could but it wasn’t fast enough like always. Dad was running with me too. (This image and awareness of me running has occurred a lot in the past few nights in my dreams.) I have sometimes been jogging outside in my waking life and have had similar attitudes toward my performance. I am pumping my arms to and pushing my legs to try to go as fast as I can and I worry why I can’t go as fast as others my age or older or even younger. Again, there were some males I could vaguely understand and remember as representations but their identities did not come into awareness in the dream. Although, I could see one boy who looked and reminded me a lot of Mike Tr. at one point. We knew where we were going but I can’t remember or didn’t know so much that I could name or describe it for you, only that I could see it wasn’t that far away. It was walkable distance, which is why the ship docked at a pier not far away or something. There was water we had to cross, and there was quite a bit of walking imagery. I remember wanting to go back because although we were trying to get to shelter, I worried that if something bad happened we would need to get back to the ship and flee. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my dad but everyone else seemed to chilled out and relaxed in spite of the weather. I think that the place we were going to might have become the animal welfare from the next dream. Next dream...

(I felt like this part of my dream had lots of parts that were really like a second school I attended in LaGrange with many problem kids.)

Last Dream Fragment: Then, all of a sudden, I dreamt I was at the local Animal Welfare where I volunteer. And my friend Ashley was there. That was where we were walking to. There were many rooms and confusing pathways, just like our welfare league.
I think I saw Lorenz there again, but I know for certain I saw Ashley there.
A woman who reminded me of the young, blonde character on Grey’s Anatomy which I think I dreamt of only because it was a hospital type setting. Towards the very end, these two grown women who held some sort of authority at the hospital and were in charge of some higher up type stuff sat in a room and talked to Ashley and I. They appeared very nice in the room and pleasant and polite, however afterwards I overheard them making rude comments about Ashley and I. Especially something about Ashley’s resume and this welfare had a very strong resemblance to representing a hospital I once spent some time at. One of the women said something like but not quite exactly, “ How can we (or), Who will hire her? Look at her resume, she spent a lot of time at our own school here in the corner.” And I didn’t hear them say here in the corner but in the imagery I saw a corner which was the school just like the building in Lemont which served as a school. I was angry at them for feeling like she and I were being made fun of and really felt the urge to stick up for her. Ashley gave me a book which said something about best friends. I felt stuck in this place. It was busy and hectic as always. The same nurse who looked like (First Name-Kathryn?) Hiegel ? maybe her name, from Grey’s Anatomy, diagnosed me with something out of nowhere. Something she said came from a friend she said she saw visit me with a beard. I think it made me feel bad and worry. It had a name.

To end; in regular day to day life, I've been having much luck at least in reality checks due to the fact that I have been sometime convinced I am actually in a lucid dream in reality but I don't want to be actually convinced of that of course. I have thought sometimes that my dreams and my waking up from my night have actually been a string of false awakenings. I'm not sure if this will help me achieve a lucid dream or not, for I am trying to just keep it as a possibility and question it, but not believe it.