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Never thought I would feel so accomplished after having a couple of sloppy dream fragments. But I figured out something that's been bothering me for a very long time.

I recall one dream. I am living on my own in a very hermit-like way. I live in a small prefab home by the freeway and have become in some way obsessed with lucid dreaming. I can recall that for some reason, the entire home is filled with dreamcatchers.
The thing I remember was that some young girl, perhaps 14 showed up. I told her to go away, and that she couldn't gain anything from coming to where I lived. She said she would leave, but she asked me to read this note she had been given first. I open the envelope. The note is actually typed into a very nice greeting card.

*The part that I typed randomly I couldn't make out. I was just trying to match what I recall the note looking like. One line that went across and another below it with just a couple of words.

Spoiler for Girl's Note:

Tpoaif aopfjei fja aieifmvei ftyanvm laiey kapoiet afpoihea
opienv afjioaev.

42-42-564

You and me are the same.

For some reason, the girls not tipped me off to something, like I could trust her. I let her come inside my trailer home (that was a mess) and she and I made lunch and started talking about various things. Cannot recall what.
One thing I forgot to mention before; but by the power of editing I bring it to you.
The girl made macaroni and cheese and we were eating it on paper plates. But it was not a normal portion. The entirety of both paper plates was covered all the way to the top like a cone; macaroni and cheese. (So a lot.) and we were eating it with these huge spoons.
...
I am at the beach. But the dream is very unstable and I feel like there is no sea, just sand. My family is there but I leave them to go alone. I begin walking along the beach seeing the sea phase in and out of existence, being replaced by a sandy flat. I feel somewhat depressed.
At some point or another the sea comes back but it doesn't look right. There are huge, turbulent waves and the sea doesn't go to the horizon, it only runs out a few hundred feet then becomes a sandy flat stretching to the horizon. There are also boulders jutting out of the water. Some people on the beach are trying to swim in the sea but it didn't look like very much fun, given the big waves and all.
I began talking with a dream character who was another lucid dreamer. Supposedly a really good one. We talked for a long time, but I can't recall any of our diolouge.
I just recall this one line from our conversation. It was something I said while nonlucid.

"...I don't know... Lucidity is just so hard to get."

At that moment, I stopped and started to question my reality, but before I could get very far I was awake.
...
I went back to bed.

I recall a couple more dreams, but they were mind-numbingly boring. There was a dream where I rode my bike onto someone's lawn and they got all mad with me and made me pay for it by vacuuming their living room.

There was another dream about my college where I was carrying a huge load of stuff out to my car.

But I want to talk about something, that last line I said while talking to that other lucid dreamer.

"...I don't know... Lucidity is just so hard to get."

When I woke up, I asked myself why on earth would I say something like that to another LDer? If I were talking to someone IWL, I wouldn't say lucidity is hard to get, I would probably say something more like:

"Lucidity is easy! Just use autosuggestion and do some RC's"

It didn't take me long to figure it out. There is some type of conflict here. Consciously, I believe that lucid dreaming is easy, but Subconsciously, I have been disillusioned into believing that it is hard. (By who or what, IDK)
But now comes my question? How do i speak to my subconscious about this? (Especially if you can't access it through a lucid dream reliably.) It's sort of like a catch 22. I need to talk to my subconscious but I can't talk to my subconscious because my subconscious won't let me.
It's like trying to call the phone company because your calls aren't going through.



Ideas, anyone?