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#521 - DILD

I am in a version of a childhood friend’s house. I keep noticing these strange sores on my arms. Every time I look they have a new sore that starts trailing up more and more. At some point I go into total anxiety panic mode. I stumble into something like a hotel lobby full of people. I fall to my hands and knees and there is a pause. A peace comes over me and I gently float into a chair. There is a black haired woman across from me who was very animated in conversation, but now she has fallen into a trance.
A psychiatrist appears and starts talking to me (I’m not sure I how I know his profession). I ask him about the people in the room and he says,
“They don’t know because, they don’t know”.
For some reason this is an extremely profound bit of wisdom to me. “Ah yes! They are dream characters!”
Now fully lucid I decide to play with this knowledgeable dream character and start asking a lot of questions. I ask about the sores on my hands and he tells that I need to rid myself of that demon. I feel some initial fear but then calm myself and argue with him that I don’t believe in such things and I am not into religion. I forget what all was said after that but my keto diet was brought into it and I think maybe my demon was my struggle with such a restrictive diet plan (I have been struggling with electrolyte issues and energy levels as an long distance endurance runner in waking life and have been considering dropping the diet plan).
We continue conversation, but I get distracted by the fact I am still in a lucid dream and for some reason holding that amount of focus is getting unbearable. I lose lucidity a bit and go back to worrying about the sores on my arms. I wake up shortly after that.

I was flying (hovering), to stay out of range of two SUVs full of stereotypical G-men (think 'Men in Black') who wanted to apprehend me. They had tasers and everything. One of them tried to reason with me. He said they needed me to help save the world. I felt a little nervous at the idea of having so much responsibility. And couldn't they just ask me nicely? I gained altitude with the white house in the background. It was night.

I was in a bus, driving on the BASF site (large chemical production plant I used to work for). I think my dad was driving the bus. He also works there in real life. The 'steamcracker', a plant critical to the operations of the site, was doing a test. Someone on the bus suggested getting some distance between the plant and our bus, just in case something went wrong. And it did! There was an explosion. I urged my dad to floor it out of there before the blast wave could get to us.

Lucid dream where I was in the back room and I think Phoebe was at the door I let her inside. Strange thing was that it was super dark when I first entered the room and pheobe was a dark silloute of a cat. When I touched her she did her typical catlike move the sdie and curl around my hand.

Then the lights were on without me noticing and Margaux was on the couch. I saw Tucker jump up onto the couch to get a drink of water. Thats when I noticed there was an extra sink on the counter. I realized I am probably dreaming. I looked at my hand and although I didn't have an extra finger my hands looked really disorted.

By that point however it didnt matter as i knew it was a dream since I remembered that
a) tucker is dead
b) dont live at home anymore
c) dont have two sinks next to eachother

Soon after the dream sort of started to black out. then I wasnt sure if i was dreaming anymore or laying in my bed. i told myself to remain still and keep my eyes closed in hopes of reentering the lucid and i managed to reenter a dream but was this time
not lucid.

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Also was skiiing with my dad at some point. It was really cold and windy and we were looking to rent skiis for him.
There was also an indian girl who wanted to have sex with me in the ski lodge.

3314 words

Closing comp at 7:09. Aiming to sleep by 8pm.

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Now its 4:01 A M. I woke up probably at 12 A M and 2 A M and recalled my dreams. But I was tired and let it go to RBFA. It wasn't until the third round of dreams I felt like getting up. A lot of details of the first 2 rounds stuck in my head anyway but I think to have recalled it perfectly, I'd still have been better off writing it all after each round. I kinda needed a break though, so its okay.

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So the first round of dreams began with some stuff which I don't clearly remember now. I know that I initially remembered a bit more. Maybe it will come back as I write.

What I remember is getting to this auditorium thing. And there were two guys facing off. One was going to punch the other. Then another guy sort of walked in between them quickly to help break it up but it was only for a moment and he kept walking by. The big guy didn't end up punching the smaller guy. Later, behind stage, the smaller guy was saying how he had post traumatic stress from that. Also, he had post traumatic stress from the guy's smoke smell. I was like, yeah, that smoke smell, is really bad.

In another part, there was this mini saw-tooth razor on a wire or string. It was kind of floating towards me, and I had to grab it by the flat side, with my fingers, to keep it from cutting me. I managed to get away. But it turned out that it was worse than I thought!

His intended use of the razor really upset me. I fought him on it, telling him it was wrong. He wouldn't listen, and we got in a bit of a fight. I think I had a gun but it was full of peanuts. I remember it more clearly the first time I recalled it. But I know there were some stairs. And I ended up telling the guy I don't want to hurt him.

At the end of this round of dreams, I remember thinking of the word "adult". (I have a problem with the word "adult" in waking life, every time I hear it, I kind of cringe.) Well in the dream I didn't have that problem, and I was able to look at my inner child as the child within me, but to see myself as the adult in my contemporary life. The dream made me think about some things differently for a moment.

So that was what I remembered of round 1.

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Round 2 of dreams came next! I remember it began with me at the grocery store in G C where the produce is, by the onions to be precise. Only in this dream, I was buying a 5 pound pack of raw chicken, a 5 pound pack of raw ground beef, and some other stuff. I remember talking to a woman there about it. There is another major detail OTTOTT and I wonder if it will come back.

I remember the counter top in my Nana's kitchen was very dirty. B F was saying how it was already clean, but it clearly wasn't. So I took the sponge and started trying to clean it but it was stained brown.

I remember walking in the woods at the arboretum. I had a book in my face, reading it out loud as I walked. But checking ahead of me every so often to see if anyone was walking the trail, because I'd be embarrassed if they saw me reading out loud / talking to myself. Something else happened there, I forgot what.

I remember a post office truck, and a driver. The seat was bent funny and I wondered how it would support his head. The head part actually leaned forward too far. Anyway he drove into this building complex.

I remember in that building complex there were some cubbies. I thought I would use the cubbies this way. One to be full of money. One to be full of water, in a giant rectangular tank. And one to be full of some sort of house titles or deeds, from real estate work I dreamed of doing.

I wanted to do my writing out in the sun, but there was someone smoking. Or, I was afraid there eventually would be. I felt mad that the smokers could pollute my air any time and I'd never have any warning, and this made being outside a bad place for me. (I am not sure about this detail chronologically)

I remember some guys doing a rap video. First they did some kind of talk where they said something like, "You know know," and then the other guy was like, "ohhh! That's what yo grandma said!" (Thats not a perfect recollection.) The rap video was actually about working out. It showed them doing pull ups and other workouts on a hanging fence and they rapped about the gym. Then the guy went into this one room. He was wearing a hat. But the camera man was giving him instructions for where to stand in the room, because he was recording him from outside. It might have been a bathroom, but he wasn't being recorded using the bathroom or anything like that.

Eventually we all ended up on a slanted, paved hill, or roof. I remember it was about working out still. But I decided to just lay in the sun, with my head higher than my feet on the slanted hill. My sister laid down too five feet away or so. My mom was standing. One of the guys from the rap video was still there. I invited him to find a spot and lay down, too. Then I could narrate a guided meditation for us all, because I had been thinking of one in my head. I remember looking up at the sky. It was very white looking with some formations and images in it, I guess. Not sure. The guy found a spot like 5 feet away from my sister and I began the meditation. It felt very warm on the surface we were laying on. Mom couldn't join due to physical limitation. I got ready to start the guided meditation, and woke up.

When I woke up, I was still going over the guided meditation in my head. I was thinking of how the guy in the dream was trying to work out all day, but he could probably benefit from some balance between physical exercise, meditation, journaling, and other activities. Not just training his body, but his mind and body. When I realized I had woken up, I started to recall the dream, and did surprisingly well.

Those were also RBFA but I retained a lot of detail after the next time waking up. Not perfect recall compared to the first time remembering it, but given the trade-off for getting more sleep, it was okay this time.

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Round 3 of dreams was even more vivid and eventful. I remember being on the phone with someone and telling them about W A. The phone was being weird, running out of battery, acting funny. And my fan was giving background noise that wouldn't stop so I wanted to pull the plug. The conversation seemed important. The guy told me he knew about in person W A meetings, every day, in my local area. I got excited and wanted the information. We kept talking but he didn't give me the information, so I waited. Eventually, he had to go! I was like, "Wait, what about the meeting information?" But he was off the phone by then. I would have to ask again later.

I remember my Mom being nervous about a meeting on the phone. From an earlier dream (which I don't think I wrote) I remembered something about how in a dream, it's easier to re-frame an entire situation, cognitively. So then she could just imagine it was a dream, re-frame the entire situation cognitively, and be a happy camper. It seemed like over simplified advice though after I said it. (Some of these mental shifts in dreams have given me super powers in waking life, like last nights dream about my feelings suddenly not getting hurt.)

I might have forgotten parts in the middle here. But I remember walking through a parking lot, probably after I had parked. I walked by the guy I was on the phone with before and prepared to ask about the meetings. A from S W T was there. I began a conversation with the guy but it was outside, so my eyes were darting around. Hyper vigilantly scanning for smokers. There turned out to be a pack of 3 on the side there, to our left. I told the guy, "Sorry, I can't stay out here. I'm allergic to smoke." And hurried inside before breathing any. (Unaware it was a dream.) I remember hearing from behind me, "He's allergic to smoke!" And A and the other people in that smoking circle said, "I love smoke!" As I went inside, I felt angry about 2 things. One, they don't "love smoke", they are in denial about their addiction. The nicotine has their brain wired to enjoy the smell but really it is harming them, similar to how the caffeine in coffee wires people to enjoy a taste which they are naturally repelled from as children. Second thing I was angry about was that their smoking addiction creates a by product (second hand smoke) which makes my air that I will have to breathe, not clean. So, they shouldn't be allowed to do it. I was internally fuming about this was I went inside.

I remember sitting next to my cousin J. She had a can of tuna or other canned food, with a sterno base type thing beneath it, which it lit up. There was something about how she wouldn't sell it because it was so novel. I wanted to see it lit up but didn't actually get to asking. Someone in the front of the room was talking, I think. I forgot what it was about.

I remember through the windows, seeing it begin to snow. The windows were really big. It showed a whole town. There were some really interesting mansions and the view panned around. Maybe it wasn't a window, but a big monitor or movie screen, because of how the world turned. It felt like I was looking out a window though. I remember this one mansion showed. It had a giant shaft thing with a pointed top poking up from it, like a bell tower or light house. There were holes in the walls, which I guess were for air flow, but I worried they'd let snow in.

The next mansion was revealed from behind the first. They looked kind of like Taj Mahal buildings in some ways, with an indian design, but also other cultural influence. The dream mixed it all together very well. They were orange-brown with kind of red. Well, this mansion also had a shaft thing poking up, but on top of it was perched a purple air plane or space craft. The space craft activated and began to fly up. Beneath it was hanging a rope sort of thing made of several bulbs, with some bigger bulbs at the end. I was really amazed at this thing. The big bulbs at the bottom of its rope thing bumped into a mail box. This was shown from a zoomed-in fashion.

Then the dream showed the run-way where the plane would take off from. It showed how the plane took off kind of lop-sided under normal conditions. But when they covered the whole run-way with slippery soap and weighed the plane down at the tail, it took off just fine. All of this testing must have taken a lot of money, I thought, and they'd have to make the movie tickets very expensive.

Charlie Brown turned out to be the pilot for the movie. He was shown trying to fly the plane. It might not have looked exactly like Charlie Brown but it represented Charlie Brown to me in the dream.

Then I was near the exit of this food store place. There were stacks of pictures on paper a little bigger than computer paper. Each picture was someone who had been murdered. Whoever had murdered the person was supposed to take the photograph of them. I wanted a giant stack of pictures to make drawings but didn't realize I had to have murdered the people to take them. (I haven't murdered any one!) So I had to give them back. They looked like women or rock stars. There was also a big comic book with pictures of an orange fiery character. I wanted to take the comic book with me, too. It looked cool. But it was just a prototype. I said, fine, I would just look up some screen shots on google images, and left without any pictures or comics.

At some point there was this thing I did with hand movements. It was like I could move my hands in a figure 8 movement, and generate wind or energy. I thought I was working my arm muscles as well using air resistance. I'm not sure if this was at this time or earlier.

Charlie Brown continued preparing for the flight, but there was something of how he wasn't strong enough. Then the dream showed Jimmy Neutron. Jimmy Neutron was training with an older scientist kind of man about how to use super strength. He didn't only have super brain power, he also had dormant super strength capacities, which had a specific name I forgot. Anyway it showed Jimmy Neutron playing in this video game view, with some kind of weights on his feet, and picking up heavy things. The weights were like big trapezoidal weights. At the end he grabbed a giant, heavy-looking key, and used it to open a door. This showed he had mastered his super strength.

Then it was back to Charlie Brown in the plane. Now he had the strength, I think. He was older and had a pointy chin. The the dream showed that he was trying to resist his drug addiction. He kept saying he wasn't going to give in. Then, suddenly, he gave in, and smoked some kind of drug from a pipe. After he realized what he had done, he was like, oh no! But then began to suck his thumb. It seemed to me that the pressure of being an actor in this big movie and having to fly this big plane had become too much for him and he was having a mental break down.

I remember after that, instead of being in a plane, it became the interior of a moving car. Six people were sitting shoulder to shoulder, some men and some women. They were all committed to doing some kind of really addictive and unhealthy drug together, while maintaining denial by only saying positive things. It made sense to me for a moment. Maybe if they could block out all "negative thoughts" (which would be thoughts that they should stop using, etc. which are actually important thoughts, just un-pleasant) then they would never have any problems. However at the same time, it showed that their supply of drugs had just run out.

Their drug of choice was something in a can. It probably doesn't pertain to a type of drug from waking life, but was just something the dream created. They were desperately swiping the bottom of the can to try to get the last molecules of the drug. When it had finally run out, it showed that the group also had a hand gun. This was to commit suicide if anything went wrong! The woman on the far left (I was seeing this from accross from them so she was on my right) took the gun. Still smiling in denial, she put it into her mouth, to the back of her head, and pulled the trigger with next to no hesitation. Nothing really happened.

Everyone else in the group kind of looked at her but didn't seem to care much. The woman on the far left held the gun and waited. "Nothing is happening! I feel pain, but I'm not dying!" she said. I figured she had missed the part of her brain which needed to be shot in order to kill her instantly. Ouch. (The rest of this paragraph is a little graphic so you might want to skip to the next paragraph, or read it, its up to you.) Well, blood began to pool in her mouth as she spoke. I couldn't watch. I could tell that the blood was going to basically pour out of her mouth as drool. It was dark red.

"Can one of you please shoot me again so I die?" she asked. There was some pain in her voice but she also sounded like she was on drugs. I can't think of the word for her tone of voice but it was like when women go, "Oh, my gawsh, like, totally!" (I don't mean to be misogynistic, I am just trying to describe it.)

Those dreams took a little over an hour to type. In the end I had to leave some as short hand notes until the next morning. If I am up for writing the dreams right after having them I do it. But this time I was so tired and needed to RBFA.

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6:54 A M: I slept and didn't have many dreams. I just remember being at my Nana's. I went downstairs to get some food but saw that Nana was smoking. So I ran back upstairs to avoid the smoke. I brought a little pot of vegetables with me, thinking it was Kale. I ran back to my Nana's room and Aunt C was there. It turned out what I had grabbed was a little pot of green lettuce or cabbage. More like cabbage. It was supposed to be for Aunt C, but I had grabbed the wrong vegetable. She said it was okay, suggesting she didn't really need it. But I felt so bad that I ran back down the hall way to go down stairs. And in doing so, accidentally spilled it all over the floor. I felt pretty bad about that.

I forgot what else happened there. The only other thing I remember is I might have woken up to the image of a cartoon fist coming at my face. Not sure why I think that.

I probably had other dreams, but didn't remember them. It's funny because lately I remember most of my dreams between 12 and 5 A M. If I sleep after 5 A M it usually doesn't contain as many dreams, or not as many I remember. Where as I always heard there would be the most REM in the latest sleep cycles.

Well, thats all for today. I feel pretty well rested. I think it was about 8 hours total sleep.

Got up at 6:30 am, took 3x300mgs of alpha GPC, then stayed up on a computer and watched tv from sofa, in my wilding position.

Fell asleep at first, then woke up and wilded.

In no particular order:
Walking from the door between floral and produce at my store. Looking at my hand, thinking, no, no, I'm not asleep. But I counted them anyway. Stopped at 5 for a second, thinking: see? But then more and more fingers showed up and I was so happy and incredibly surprised by that, haha.

I was phasing through windows with ease, flying just by thinking "up" .

At one point I thought "this will be a long lucid" .

Some other things I don't remember.