Recent DJ Posts

I was in a house or an apartment. It might have belonged to my Dad. The floor was sand like at a beach. There were holes in the sand which seemed to be nests for snakes or insects or something. I was filling some of them up by moving sand around with my foot. My Dad asked if I could have it done by the time of some party he was planning. I said that I would try but that I wasn’t sure because it takes time.

Then things changed so that I was no longer working on a sandy floor, but instead working on a bed or mattress, filling in dips and holes in the mattress. At one point our late dog Elvis was in one of the holes as I was moving pillows around and he came out.

Then I was in Alaska on the road and I was running into travelers. Somebody was traveling with a bunch of young women who may have been prostitutes. I met a couple travelers who were headed to Oklahoma. They said they had begun their journey in Pennsylvania. I replied that they were really taking the long way. They said that they really wanted to visit Alaska.

The scene changed. I might have still been in Alaska but I was at music club and I had been given an upright bass. I was just starting to fool around with it. There were two guys, one of whom had a beginner’s music book. They kept telling me to play different simple 3 note songs. At first I went along with it. But then I moved the upright bass over a divider into a corner of the room. As I moved the bass I made a joke to a man that was sitting close by that I hope I didn’t stick him in the privates with the stick-like stand that protrudes from the bottom of the bass.

I began to play a David Lynch-type jazz scale. I was kind of managing to play that. Then Peg said that when I hit certain notes it hurt her feet or her knee. She was sitting close to the bass and it may have been bumping into her. But I said that I needed to hit those notes and asked her to be patient with me.

So, I was playing that Lynchian piece and I had my hand high up on the neck of the bass and there were snakes up in the corner of the room and they began biting both of my arms repeatedly. I was okay, though. I posed for a photo for Peg, showing off the bites, because we thought it would look cool. Then she moved out of the way so a man from the press could take a photo.

Morning of February 14, 2016. Sunday.

Dream #: 17,954-05. Reading time (optimized): 2 min.



In my dream, my wife Zsuzsanna and I are in a shed that may be a distorted version of our present home’s shed. There is also an unknown male character.

A trapdoor spider about four times bigger than a real one is near the doorway. It bites Zsuzsanna on her right knee, but she is soon a young version of the Erin Walton character (played years ago by Mary Beth McDonough), which puzzles my dream self in a way that alters my level of awareness.

The man holds her as she cries and sits down and he gives her an injection near her right knee with a hypodermic needle (a very rare dream prop for me), which contains the cure. It seems she will recover. I look in the doorway, and there stands the four-times-bigger trapdoor spider. I eventually understand that the spider is Kali. “She is the mighty aspect of the goddess Durga. The name of Kali means black one and force of time. She is therefore called the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction.” (Kali often has four arms and two legs, which makes her an “insect,” not a “spider.”)

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Zsuzsanna used to play with trapdoor spiders without knowing they were venomous (yet luckily was never bitten). Secondly, I associate Erin Walton with the petting of a deer (relating to a documentary feature about her that I saw years ago as well as the Waltons episode “The Fawn”), which was like a very similar image in a photograph Zsuzsanna sent me before we met of her feeding a deer.

Zsuzsanna’s right knee was miraculously healed (even though doctors said it could never be) when we first met and shared meditations. Although there are other layers, two are interesting and fit perfectly. One is a ghost story related to Kali as a demonic living statue (though I no longer have that comic book). On Thursday, February 14th, 1974, I saw “The Waltons” episode “The Ghost Story.” “Strange things are occurring at the Walton home. The family uses a Ouija board to ask questions about the happenings. A small boy staying at the home is to leave to meet his father. Things happen to prevent this.” The original newspaper summary: “John-Boy obtains a ‘spirit board’ which is reputed to foretell the future and to put its interrogators in touch with the psychic world. When the board appears to be delivering mysterious messages, Grandma and Olivia insist that the children stop playing with it.”

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The trapdoor spider in my dream seems associated with a Ouija board (which is dependent on the use of hands and which is what a spider also represents in some dreams in a negative context), also representing Kali, also representing “messages” in the liminal stages of sleep which have various transpersonal sources. Because my 1971 dream features doorway waking symbolism using Kali, it seems a relevant marker. On one level, it serves as a personal confirmation against so-called psychics, “dream interpreters,” or ideas from questionable sources.

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Date: 26/07/2012
Place: My caravan
Time of getting into bed: 12.14am

Waking thoughts in black
Non lucid dreams in blue
Lucid dreams in red

Dream 1 - non lucid (3.54am)
I am walking in a large underground tunnel. Occasionally cars pass me, and there is snow or frost covering the ground. For the first few minutes of the dream, I was watching myself from above, then I switched to being myself. I'm about to enter a door, or smaller tunnel, when a nice smily lady stops me. She tells me to take one of her Lucid Dreaming pills, so I can become lucid in my dreams. I take it, and she reads some sort of leaflet or program with me, telling me 'oh wow, this is gonna be fun, you're gonna really enjoy this!' then I enter the door / tunnel, which splashes water all over my head as I walk under / into it. I didn't actually get lucid, but as always I'm dreaming of lucidity and don't click on! What can I do to go that little bit extra?

I woke after this dream, and in my sleepy haze, thought I'd had no dreams and the dream was real. (I thought I'd really taken a pill to get lucid) I got up and shut the hatch window because I was cold, and realised it was a dream, so quickly wrote it down.

Dream 2 - non lucid / slightly lucid at end (5.43am)
For the record, I was mega hungry when I went to bed, as I wrote in my DJ each time, I considered WILDing but my stomach just kept growling!It's my birthday, and I'm sat with a group of people. I have a teddy bear shaped chocolate birthday cake, which I start eating. It's yummy! I finish the whole thing to myself. I laugh, and tell the others I'm sorry I didn't offer it out, but they don't mind. I offer to go to the shops to buy another and share it, but they say it's ok they really don't mind! Someone has been shopping already and has got lots of food that was reduced for 9p and so on. They let me help myself. Suddenly, a live band is about to come and play. I get excited and settle to watch. THE DREAM SWITCHES AGAIN. It did this the night before. Suddenly I AM the performer, instead of watching. I don't notice any change in dreaming other than this, and it doesn't dawn on me until I wake up. So now I am the singer for the band. I decide to sing well, I need to be lucid, and 'become' lucid in my dream.I wasn't really lucid, I still didn't know I was dreaming, I don't think my sleeping mind comprehended what 'lucid' really meant.As I am lucid, I can now fly, and sing really well, I put my heart and soul into the performance. I now switch back to watching the show again, and someone gives me a shot of vodka, with salt around the rim of the shot glass. I drink it, and it tastes like grapefruit and sugar! I like it so I have more, but I drain off the grapefruit juice / vodka and just eat the salt / sugar as I don't want to get drunk. I notice on the table there is a large snake. The snake is evil looking, it is very shiny and smooth, with a red and cream or off - white pattern, similar to a Corn Snake. However it has a head like a king Cobra, and huge, red fangs. I don't panic, but I know not to go near it. My friend who is sat with me tries to grab it, and does so very clumsily, leaving himself open to attack, however the snake doesn't attack, he does look very agitated though. My friend grabs it's neck and pulls, the snake is so strong and large, that he cannot move it, but instead he stretches the snake's neck in a painful way. The snake now bites him. I decide to 'become lucid' again to avoid being bitten. I know if I am lucid, I am only dreaming and so the snake cannot harm me. I fly up into the garden, and fly a few laps around, looking at the trees and bushes. As I do, I see many more snakes sat in the trees waiting and hiding. I want to get 'proper lucid' as I am aware I'm just dreaming of being lucid. And so I try to wake my brain up, while I'm still asleep, so that I will be lucid.I wake up for real. A very low level lucid at the end.

Dream 3 - non lucid (8.22am)
I think I have forgotten the beginning of this dreamFor some reason, I HAVE to eat some raw eggs. The eggs are like little blackbird's eggs. There are about 5 of them but one keeps breaking and leaking everywhere, I carry them in a little plastic bag. I am in the back of a van, while someone drives the van to an underground car park, for some reason to do with the eggs. It is important I eat these eggs soon! I am completely naked, which I'm a little embarrassed about, so I try to find some clothes to put on, but I can't while I'm laying in the back of the van. Eventually we get to the car park, where several policemen block the entrance. We worry we won't get in, and the policemen asks for our names, I give them my surname, and to my surprise they let us in, showing us where to park. We park and I get out, the car park is empty except for a big, red double decker bus parked in the corner. We all talk about how we'd love to own one of those buses. A fashion show starts, and everyone is invited to join in, I am given a long shirt with a Union Jack design on it, and an Orange T-shirt to wear over the top. It's not my style but I'm naked so wear it anyway. I look ridiculous, but someone takes photos of me anyway. I go to put my socks on, because the floor is hurting my feet. There are a couple of little spiders around, but I ignore them as I'm not afraid of spiders. One bites me, and it actually really hurts. I flick it off and carry on, another one, bites me 3 times, and I flick it off, but it leaves some little bumps on my skin. The pain is quite intense. The spiders range in size, but all look the same. They are grey, with a white pattern and have 2 hairy back legs, the rest of the legs are thin. Someone googles them on their phone, and we find out they are called 'Cadavern' spiders. One bigger one, is red and black, and this one bites me again, the pain is terrible.

I get up early for the day, but easily could have stayed in bed and had more dreams.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID UNDERLINED IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

Spoiler for Past Related Dreams and History:

History

A new experience dreaming the other night. It gave me hope even though I woke in fear. It also prompted me to get off my butt and finally join a forum that discusses such things. First, a little history.

In the past I’ve had a reoccurring dream of family members and others trying to kill me. One repeated every year it seemed, starting at the age of about 8 and ending (at least consciously) around 18. In this dream a calm and intense voice announced to me that my family was turning into monsters. I ran from them. My father chased me (the chase scenes varied significantly, thought it seems that they were always outside of my grandmother’s house, where the dream started). Sometimes I got away, sometimes I fell, and there was one time I thought I experienced death before I woke up. The dreams filled me with terror.

Other similar dreams have often occurred, the main theme being that someone is stalking me and I am aware that they wanted to kill me. Sometimes I’d confront them. Most times it would be an endless hiding and running deep fear experience. Sometimes it was a combination of both. I’ve experienced other variations of this type of terror dream, often including sharks (in college), tornadoes, and tidal waves.
Usually when I wake the consuming fear and sadness and loneliness from these dreams is so very present, infusing me to some extent throughout the day no matter how much I process and release it. It can be exhausting. Ok, pretty much done with the history.


Recent History

A couple nights ago a terror dream was different than other experiences. I haven’t been remembering my dreams as often in the recent past (I started to type recent future, lol). I had meditated right before sleeping with binaural audio that also incorporates other meditation-inducing aspects. It was a pretty deep meditation and a lot more emotional pain than usual came up, but I was largely able to hold the discomfort in a larger awareness and release happened as well. I fell asleep.

Nightmare with Lucid Meditation

The terror dream was a series of people trying to kill me. Each chapter seemed to occur in my current home or a similar one.

One instance was a psychological death of sorts, where someone wanted me to admit something I’d done that hurt them but I knew that if they knew it would hurt them more than if I didn’t tell them. I felt ashamed. As they tried to dig it out of me tears ran down my face and I avoided looking into their eyes. I think I explained to them at one point that I couldn’t tell them or they would be more hurt. I was conflicted and I’m not sure I held my ground (I think the dream changed at that point).

The dream continued, one person trying to kill me, the dream morphing, then another person trying to kill me, and so on. They were sneaky, some trying to lull me into feeling comfortable with them. It didn’t work. I knew. I resisted. After a few chapters in the dream, I became aware that I was dreaming. In this lucid state I tried different tactics.

1. Dream Control

I tried what I now know to be called dream control. Tried to turn my stalker away, tried to make them friendly, tried to make it not be about being stalked. That wasn’t as “successful” as the tactic has been in other lucid dreams I've had.

2. Wake

I tried to wake myself. In the dream I had access to my real memories: I recalled that I’d woken myself from a nightmare as a young child, maybe 5 years old, after frantically trying to wake in the dream and having no success. This is how I remember it. I became aware of my physical body in my bed. I tried to open my eyes. Felt my eyebrows raising, my lids stretching, but they stayed together. I tried to move my arms. They were heavy, they wouldn’t move. Then my shoulders responded. Finally my arms moved. I reached up and opened my eyes with my hands and woke like that…my fingers on my eyelids, having pulled them apart manually.

Remembering the success of this childhood experience, I attempted this tactic in my dream last night while lucid. It failed. Throughout using these wake-myself-up-please tactics,

I would think I had awakened only to find out I was still in the dream. I became identified with the dream and then lucid and aware I was dreaming (usually because I had a new stalker or less often because something else wouldn't be the same as in my home) again over and over after each failed attempt.

First I tried to wake myself by simply willing it, then throwing a large amount of the energy of my desire to wake into it.

Then I tried to feel my body in my bed, to establish a connection like I thought I had in childhood. It seemed that I could feel my body and that I woke. This was the first time I thought I'd woken up but after I “woke” myself I soon discovered I was being stalked again and had not escaped the dream.

Then I tried to not only feel my body but to move my body, however, I found I wasn’t very coordinated and I was flailing. I became afraid of hurting myself or spilling my water on my nightstand, etc.

The cycle of thinking I had awoken and then realizing I was still in the dream (I think called false awakenings?) came full circle at least 3 times, though in my not completely clear recollection it feels like it was more like 4 to 6 times.

3. Lucid Meditation

At one point I tried to meditate in the dream, hold the dream and the fear of the dream in the arms of my awareness so that I wasn’t so self-identified with it and terrified. This was the new accomplishment. A big one. I don’t think it lasted long, maybe a couple minutes.

I’ve been in different meditative states in many dreams, but this one was intentionally, lucidly, induced. Even though it was a meditation initially infused with the desire to escape from the emotions, I'm still goanna break out with a yay! I came to a place where I wasn’t hiding or trying to wake up. I was confronting in an accepting way while still trying to protect myself.

The meditation did not relieve the fear but I felt more me, more whole. At first the fear was very present and perhaps more so. It seems that the fear ebbed to some degree after a time. I remember looking down on my body during the meditation. The dream also may have gone to black and white during the meditation and got a static quality to it, like white noise. I don't remember ever dreaming in black and white, though now that I look back I don't recall any color in the dream at any point. I am skeptical of it not being in color, however, because now it is days since the dream occurred and I only remember snippets. After the short meditation is when I fuzzily think I woke.

I don't remember the sequence of the following parts of the dream. I'm about 90% sure I wasn’t lucid at the time:

I felt physical pain when one stalker was biting my lips. The physical pain felt so…well…physical. It hurt in a sharp way, just as if my dream body was a physical one. That realization is unsettling and also wondrous. Now I realize that both of the times I have been aware of physical pain in dreams was when I was being bitten. Both dreams were at some point lucid dreams, but not lucid at the time that I was being bitten. The other time was a dog biting my fingertips. Now I’m interested in this…why biting? Perhaps this similarity is connected to a pattern, perhaps not. Worth keeping an eye on it and a thought hanging around.

I tried to manipulate the people out of trying to kill me. I plotted quickly as they advanced. One of the people I offered myself to sexually to try to avoid being killed, to distract him. It worked. It was boring and rather ineffectual sex and I ended up feeling frustrated because I wanted more pleasure, even though I was creeped out and scared.

Well, that was long. I doubt I'll want to use the energy to write so much in the future (or try to refine the clarity of my writing so much, gah), but this dream absolutely fascinated me and I felt reconnected to past dreaming experiences after dry spells and inattention. It woke the inspiration.

I think a big part of why it waned was nobody I shared these types of dreams with had similar experiences or seemed to want to dive in. But after reading some of the forum, wow, some of you not only have had similar but extensive experiences. Thanks for reading, I'm interested in learning from others on this site if you want to respond! That said, I also have a very skeptical side and enjoy critical and insightful discussion, though it is tempered by many other sides.