• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. Sunday, May 5

      by , 06-21-2019 at 08:25 PM
      I’m with Melissa at what seems to be a small concert or concert festival in the woods. We are standing very close to the smaller stage that really has nothing between it and the audience. The band that is on seems quiet and really isn’t that good. Melissa starts walking off to the right, in jeans and a black sweatshirt. I give it a second and then follow her, reasoning that there’d be no situation where my simply asking where she’s going would be inexcusable. This area looks like an orchard of deep olive green on a hill. I look back and see Dad and Makayla on the sloping lawn in front of the stage. When I catch up, Melissa informs me that she’s just going to go pee. I want to go with her, and I also think about sneaking off to have sex somewhere. I can feel myself becoming aroused. I look around to see if this could be feasible and see the orchard ending in a fairly steep dirt hill. I wonder what’s past it, but don’t think I’d actually go that far. This area seems too small and not secluded enough. In the other direction there is a tiny cliff that leads to water and a tiny beach. There’s a larger woman standing on the beach.
      Tags: concert, music, sex, water
      Categories
      Uncategorized
    2. 25 Apr: Party in an old city and doing oral sex to myself while lucid (graphic)

      by , 04-25-2019 at 09:18 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      Going through a beautiful old city. I find it similar to some place I've been before (not actually, but that was the feeling in the dream). I find a little shrine on the wall of an ancient building, I notice it is damaged compared to when I last saw it. Seems to have had some water infiltration and erosion. Then I notice some strange objects semi-buried in the wall. I check and find a kind of stone with different semi-precious gemstones in it. Old ladies pass by and look at me with disapproval, but I don't feel that I am doing anything wrong.
      Then I go down a street where these old ladies live in and one of their neighbors is throwing away a few decorative items from her house, that are actually antiques with some value and I ask if I can keep them. She's ok with that. I wonder if I can fit all that in my luggage when I travel back home, but I take a chance.
      On my way to the place I am staying, I come across a big parade party of young people, some of which I know, all heading towards same place I am going. I join the party, I drink a bit, but draw the line when they start dancing a silly choreography from some current hit song I never heard of and hope never to.
      We pass by a truck where a dude is sleeping on top of the truck, sunbathing practically naked. It is Avelar. I pretend I don't see him, although I am happy to see him. I have the strange feeling he is there because of me. When the party is coming to an end, at early dawn, I pretend to be falling asleep sitting against a wall, where others are also taking a rest. Then some friends come pick me up to take me to wherever we are staying. Avelar has surely seen me by now but neither him nor I acknowledge each others presence.
      On our way, we stop by a grocery store, but it is in such a bad neighborhood that they have the most unwelcoming entrance. We have to crawl under a slight opening of a sliding door, then climb a balcony and land in the middle of the workstation of 3 ladies that work there. Then they open a door with a grid, that allows us in to buy groceries. I comment how old people from the neighborhood can't possibly buy food there.


      Some walks up and down the city, semi-lucid, enjoying the architectural details and enjoying a slide down a hill to a coastal area, while listening and singing a Portishead music. Then arrive home, which has some similarities to my childhood's house but totally different place and disposition. My dad is there. He is being unpleasant about something, trying to control my life as usual. So I go to my room. I can still hear him and know that he is coming in, so I decide to go out the window. But we are on a precipice kilometers high above the ocean.
      I recall that I am dreaming and I can just jump and fly, so I do that, but all my father sees is me jumping and he runs to the window in distress thinking I killed myself. I feel compassion for my dream dad and I go back to tell him "look, I know you think very little of me, but I am fine. You see, we're dreaming and I have all sorts of powers that I use at will. I am fine, I don't need your help." He has no reply and slowly fades away.
      I fly away, enjoy it for a while, then land back home, but now alone and think what to do next. I sink my hands on a wall to reinforce lucidity and decide for the first time to also eat the wall and taste it. Zero taste.
      Then decide to try something I have been wanting to try for some time. Oral sex on myself. I contort myself in impossible ways and yes I do it. It is very weird because I am still watching from my head in its normal position as another head with my face comes up from between my legs and does it. I feel simultaneously the me doing the oral sex and the me receiving the oral sex. More than the physical sensation, it's the feeling of being two and being one at the same time that I feel more interesting in this experiment. Not something I can explain, you really need to experience yourself.

      Updated 04-30-2019 at 09:41 PM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid
    3. 23 Apr: Bullies, babysitting and a sexual fantasy with Eva Green (graphic)

      by , 04-23-2019 at 09:28 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      I watch a friend bringing his gay boyfriend home for a dinner with the family. Family is unaware they date, and maybe even that he is gay. So it comes as a great shock when they casually mention it. Also, the guy had a recent drug problem and his parents are highly controlling it and all hell breaks lose when he shares that his boyfriend is a meth addict in recovery. They leave the dinner and go to the train station, it is raining and they kiss and make out. A train arrives and some guys that usually bully them get out from it. The couple decides to walk away and avoid them.
      Then I am caught in the action, as I stand in their way to allow the guys to escape. The bullies get pissed at me. I escape, but later I am in school and they bully me at the sports field. I don't feel fear, but I want to expose them, so I find a way to record them bullying me. They mock me, force me to do push ups and other silly things as they say intimidating things and somehow I end up naked from waist up. But I feel pleased because I got footage of it and pictures of the 4 guys. I run to the house of a friend. At her window is Conan Osiris (the musician) who is apparently her friend and looks surprised to see this girl running in topless. They borrow me a blanket that I use to cover myself and then everybody feels more comfortable to hear what I have to say. Then we make a plan to show these images the next day to some teacher or the director.
      But the next day there is something going in the school behind closed doors at the auditorium, some presentation or so. Outside in the lobby there are many strange machines like ATMs and we are told by a lady at a desk to take a machine with us and join the presentation.

      Late night with my mom at a retail shop to buy a blanket for some baby. The shop closes and we are the only ones left. I am actually excited we might spend the night in there, but a worker spots us and tells us to go towards the exit. We argue we haven't yet found the blanket and because it is for a baby, she feels moved and helps us finding it. Then we take it home to the baby, which we are just taking care of and I have no idea who the mother is. I fall in love with the little one, but I get disappointed that he rejects all the food I give him. My mom feeds him chocolate desserts and it's the only thing he'll eat. I argue against it, but she says it's too late to break the habit. I say if it was my kid I'd cut all sugars.

      Watching and then taking part of a Tarantino movie, so excited with how awesome it is. I am walking into a heavily guarded compound to talk to some bigshot, who happens to be played by Eva Green. I have to exit the building to an interior garden and have to meet her at the garden house, which is also heavily surrounded by guards. I am led by an attendant. First the girl goes in with a dress to hand over to Eva. I hear that she doesn't like as much as she likes the attendant's own dress, but accepts it anyway. Then I am allowed to go in and my first thought is how incredibly hot she is and I hope she changes the dress in front of me. She doesn't but anyway we don't talk much.
      I simply go towards her and grope her. I grab one of her breasts and suck it through her thin clothes. (I'm not a lesbian, but I just find her the hottest and most beautiful woman and I would definitely do her ). Then something bizarre happens and I become her! Now I am horny for myself. I start to undress in front of a mirror and I suck my own breasts (a dream ability I have!). I touch myself while admiring my goddess-like beauty. I am not Eva Green anymore, I transformed into a Buddhist deity, even more beautiful and irresistible. I can't hold up the hornyness anymore and I find a rubber toy on the table and I use it for my pleasure.
      Some guard comes in and sees me, but I am not disturbed by it, nor do I feel like having him join. He feels awkward and slowly walks out in silence. I continue pleasing myself in front of the mirror and I climax gently and continuously and feel an amazing sensation of well-being rushing through my veins (not just in the dream, I actually had an orgasm in RL).
    4. Lucid Dreaming Silliness

      by , 01-23-2019 at 06:13 AM
      Morning of January 23, 2019. Wednesday.

      Dream #: 19,028-02, 19,028-03. Reading time: 2 min 54 sec.



      I am listening to my music with headphones. I listen to the same (fictitious) track twice in a row. It is about three minutes in length. I notice how soft the snare sounds (with no attack, that is, as soft as an organ). There is a lead synth that almost forms words and phrases, the last phrase sounding like “dance with me,” the overall effect seemingly caused by modulation. (Otherwise, it is like a reed organ with a precisely controlled wah effect.)

      The setting seems to be the Cubitis house (unseen since 1978), though I do recall that I am married and have children. I start to wonder where my second-youngest son is. I know that Zsuzsanna and our two youngest children went to the library. I walk around calling his name, but there is no response. Finally, I hear my oldest son (from behind his door) say that he is in his (my oldest son’s) room. He had been playing a computer game.

      Although my oldest son looks somewhat like himself (though nothing is rendered correctly in dreams to prevent false associations with waking life other than with interconsciousness threads), my second-youngest son has a “face” like coin-operated binoculars. It takes a few seconds to realize this oddity. “Oh, I am dreaming,” I explain to them. I describe how I know I am dreaming because of his face, mostly noting how his eyes could not be as such in real life. From here, I walk back into the lounge room, which is now more like our present home.

      There is a vague sense of wariness even though I am aware I am dreaming due to an unusual sound to the north. I consider it might be an airplane that might crash near or onto our house (which would be autosymbolism of the waking process concerning vestibular dynamics similar to a typical falling start). That is not the case. I watch various lights and shadowy forms move past the windows (which are factors of liminal space division between dream self and conscious self). I soon wake briefly, but again enter sleep.

      I again start to look for my second-youngest son. I try to open a door, but he pushes it back, and I realize I am dreaming. The house is a distortion of the Cubitis house but changes to our present home in a short time.

      I go out to our front yard. (There is no fence as in waking life.) It is nighttime even though I am aware it is daylight in reality. There are still strange sounds coming from the north. Three unfamiliar people walk toward me, continuing south. I consider that I should talk to them because they may hold threads of the interconsciousness and have something informative to say. Their appearances are unrealistic. Their faces do not look like possible human faces but are also not threatening or eerie. I focus on talking to one unfamiliar man. The sounds to the north are coming from a (fictitious) train station. He does not make much sense. He says something about espionage regarding the trains. They continue on their way.

      I walk east down our street, but the houses are not as in waking life. I summon Zsuzsanna for a love-making session. I use the porch factor to enhance my dream. When I turn about to continue east, I come to a fictitious open area where there are elevated train tracks above a mostly featureless field. There is a false memory regarding something about the man I talked to mentioning that the “king of light” was near here. My dream is extraordinarily vivid at this point.

      A young Sam Neill walks by, with his usual questionable smile, and I suspect he is the preconscious simulacrum showing up to wake me. Several additional men walking from the north, though all unfamiliar, also enter the open area. Sam Neill and the other men are all seemingly railroad workers. I ask them some questions about where I am and if there is something I need to know. They do not say anything of interest.

      As suspected, they all walk toward me to shake me into vestibular system correlation (or to coalesce) to reinitiate my consciousness. Instead, I wave my hand, and all the men go flying back through the air before getting close enough. After effortlessly doing this several times, I decide to wake on my own.


    5. 21 Jan: Sex with plush toy, someone wants to hurt me and directing dream characters sex

      by , 01-21-2019 at 01:33 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      At my room, feeling horny, somehow I start having sex with a giant plush rabbit toy. The notice I have the window curtains pulled open and lights on and some neighbors could be watching, so I stop and close the curtains embarrassed.

      Later some cops knock on my door with a warrant, do a search and find nothing. Then a food inspector comes and finds spoiled food on fridge. I wonder why would that be a problem, then think he might associate that with the fact I used to sell some food made at home. But who and why is trying to frame me?
      I go out and come back by subway at night. I get out at a shady station and regret immediately when I see lots of shady guys looking at me. I decide to go back and get out at another station. But when I am going back to the station I feel a needle on my buttock. Shit! I run all possible scenarios through my head and I panic. I try to get to safety inside the station before passing out, but I start loosing my consciousness and my last thought is that I am screwed.
      I wake up.

      I run a bar. At the end of the workday, I take a look at the deck tables and chairs an I find a leather jacket some lady forgot on a chair. I go around asking the people who are leaving but belongs to none of them. I check the pockets, besides 20€ it has some papers and two plane tickets. The name on it is of my neighbor Maria. I call her, no answer. I take the jacket to my back room.
      A Japanese friend comes by and leaves a video we shot months ago. It is of me and other biologists friends doing some experiments and acting out for the film. Looks funny, but my mom is concerned when watching it, as we manipulated bacteria and biohazard material. I tell her we followed the protocols and that it was safe. Alex also comes by and asks me something about the graffiti I used to do. I tell him I don't do it for years. He says he is thinking about doing some activism with graffiti.

      Then I am all alone and decide to test my magic abilities (telekinesis and such) to tide up the room. I lift my friends jacket in the air, make it zip itself and get into a hanger all by itself. I am amazed by my level of control, so I decide to amuse myself further.
      I summon two characters, male and female and direct them like a movie to do this and that and they follow strictly. Obviously I end up directing them into sex. I tell the guy to undress the girl, do some oral sex on her and penetrate her. He is quite good at doing it but I notice the girl is not feeling comfortable as if not wanting it. I wonder if what I am doing isn't actually rape. I expected these dream characters to be like hollow robots, but they are actually very human and I feel very uncomfortable and stop the whole thing.

      Updated 03-18-2019 at 08:58 PM by 34880

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment
    6. 19 Jan: Jumping through portals and sex with really hot boyfriend

      by , 01-19-2019 at 01:04 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


      Have some kind of portals that allow me to go into different places undetected because I can come out invisible if I want.
      I first go to a place where lots of animals roam, become friend with a tiny pigmee monkey, he has some skin disease and is infested with parasites. I try my best to remove them and he sits still. Then I realize the insects are scary. There is a huge praying mantis close by and then another big bug, the size of a cat, looking like a dinosaur, comes to eat it. Then I spot a few more dinossaur like creatures, like a couple of dog-sized t-rex fighting each other.
      I dont feel very safe here. I go through a portal and get to another location. Recognize it as the house of this lady I know, who is a hoarder and has dozens of animals. I want to be invisible as she is there with someone else. I just go from room to room to check on the animals, but I keep bumping and dragging stuff she has around and she senses my presence, thinks I am an angel and tries to communicate with me. I fly outside to her terrace and from there jump to the roof and find some other terraces and balconies. I spot some cool artsy place like a club or association whose symbol or mascot is a sexy cartoon female cat. I stop being invisible and I am welcomed by a friendly lady who shows me where is the bathroom, but there is some famous guy injecting some drugs and complaining I didn't knock before entering. She says she is so sorry and takes me elsewhere. I get to some other place and it is my own home and my boyfriend is waiting for me. He is tall, fit, dark hair and dark eyes, smooth white skin and I get instantly horny. He is also missing me a lot and also feels horny. We fuck, without even removing all the clothing. I scream with pleasure. He has a beautiful and well proportionate dick. We laugh and kiss and I instantly feel horny again and he says no problem, we go for a second round immediately. But the door opens and it's his mom and some friends. We look at each other awkwardly. They close the door. There was some surprise party planned or something, and people had already arrived. I feel a bit embarrassed but we are so in love, we just want to ignore them and continue.

      Updated 03-18-2019 at 08:58 PM by 34880

      Categories
      non-lucid
    7. 14 Jan: Human-insectoids

      by , 01-14-2019 at 07:44 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      During a war, me and some other folks are exposed to something that transforms us into human-insect hybrids. We look human, we are the size of humans, but we fly, we act in group and we have weird mating habits.
      Someone explains to me how we are attracted to a partner because of genetic matching and it doesn't matter the gender, so most of the guys became attracted to each other and form gay couples. Others feel attracted to feromones released elsewhere by some other group and go flying around looking for their ideal mate. I don't feel any call to mate with any other human-insectoid, I just see in my new life an opportunity to be superhuman.
    8. 27 Dec: End days and making out with Jesus

      by , 12-27-2018 at 10:19 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


      Sharing a building with some other people and the group is about to grow to 14.
      We sit down to prep for the bad days ahead. We decide where we will put the beds for the newcomers, about constructing an escape tunnel and some defenses for the building. Finally we plan to research a way to kill ourselves in case things go really bad and we may be facing capture or starvation. It's a tough topic, but we feel we must have a plan for that to.

      Living with my parents in my farm, with my dogs, but also I have little brothers and sisters. We follow some religion, non-christian and I think non theistic, but my dad is really strict about morality, as if we were Amish.
      One day we are visited by Jesus himself and his gang and he is seriously hot and cool. They stay for some time, they need shelter. Me and Jesus, we fall in love with each other. I thought my dad would totally reject our relationship, since we are from some different religion, but actually he is very excited about it, because Jesus is famous and has status and he thinks this will be good for me.
      But the guys have to leave for some time and I wonder if he'll come back or not. He does and my dad prepares a feast to celebrate our engagement. Jesus arrives and we are so crazy for each other, we make out in the barn, halfway between the front gate and the house. We are seriously horny and we don't wanna let go, but I hear my dad calling and my younger brothers and sisters are looking for me, so Jesus says "go check on him while I bring in the rest of the guys". So I go talk to my dad to offer my help preparing the food, but he just asks me to take the dogs out of the kitchen so he can cook in peace.
      I go look for Jesus again and he is coming with two of his friends. To celebrate the occasion, he makes a miracle: it starts to rain carrots.
    9. 11 Dec: Puppies and a lost love returned

      by , 12-11-2018 at 03:29 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      I see movement on my kitchen terrace through the glass door. One female dog decided to make a home there with her three pups and they are gorgeous, look like Akitas, just like my Hachi.

      I encounter a lost love from school at some big event. He is Nighthawk, but at the same time he isn't. I don't want to be pushy, but I feel like I don't want to get away from him ever again. Luckily he seems to feel the same, because he finds all sorts of excuses to sit by my side when everybody heads to the tables to eat some meal. He even makes someone get a stool and sit on it, so we can sit side by side. And because there is no space, we have to get really really cozy.
      We end up sleeping together. I just remember waking up naked in a bed by his side and him saying I should go check a rash I have on my butt and I feel embarassed.
      Well, I didn't know but he had become someone rich and powerful and the next day my mom calls me because she read in one of those gossip magazines about celebrities, that he had been spotted on the event very intimate with me and he was asked about it and he said I was someone he would like to keep by his side for the rest of his life.
      My mom was already asking if he had asked me to marry him and if I was rich now. I was overwhelmed by all that and I told her certainly I wasn't rich or I'd have noticed. But feeling confused about what exactly had happened between us.
      [/COLOR]
    10. Ozzy; Apocalypse

      by
      gab
      , 12-10-2018 at 05:41 AM (Turquoise Dreams)
      Not much of a recall lately. Got me a new bottle of Galantamine, excited to make time and WILD soon.

      This was maybe 4 days ago...

      Apocalyptic world, people sick from some epidemic. I remember getting out to the street and telling others, we should have picked up some baseball bats and other weapons in the walmart we just walked through.

      I somehow get to a one story house. I'm their "help". Nobody is there, only me and ozzy. I'm fetching some soda for him from the fridge, then he wants to have sex with me. Remind me of The Handmaids Tale I watched recently.

      Was intense, kinda liked the feel of the dream.
      Tags: apocalypse, sex
      Categories
      non-lucid
    11. 2018-11-18 - Initial dreams for the guide group exercise

      by , 11-19-2018 at 01:18 PM
      Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

      2018-11-18 The first of the four dreams occurred during the night, in response/preparation to our dream workshop during the evening and the interpretation round this morning. They occurred in the wake of an Ayahuasca ceremony which took place on the Friday, which for me were heavily themed around (A) the practice of acting/doing what I felt like, risking to provoke and loose standing from my friends and (B) learning to see under and past the emotional pain – that is not staring myself blind at the stuff that is troubling me, without ignoring it either, but allowing myself to see the broader picture.

      Dream 1: Sexual fantasy turns to voice from beyond, which culminates in a brutal murder and forgiveness of inner children.

      I am lying in the ceremony room, where a couple of us have gone to bed. Nala and I are starting to make out and she starts inviting to sex. I am thrilled, yet I don’t quite do anything about it. Eventually she calls out to Mads something along the lines “Mads I am trying to have sex with Dennis, but he doesn’t really seem to want to go along.” I quickly respond “Yes, Yes I do” and then we start having sex, she guiding me inside her.
      The dream then changes. Now there is some darkness and a female voice is calling out to me: “This is karmic, I will meet you in the summer.” I think to myself this pertains to a soulmate or girlfriend to come and I pull her out of the shadows, so that now I am staring at a doll face, that doesn’t seem to have any real facial features except the contours of the doll face and some long blonde hair. I ask her if she can provide additional details of herself, at which point I look at the doll face and see that her cheeks round up a bit. Other than that nothing else happens.
      I then parcour jump down into the basement, meant for parking cars. There I meet two boys, one is about 4-5 years old another is maybe 7-9. The young boy tells the older “This is where you did me wrong (or: this is where you annihilated me)”. The older doesn’t seem to quite understand, but then the story continues.
      Then a 12-13 year old guy appears – there is no question that he is a bully and he is much bigger, both taller, more muscular and fatter, he has a distinctly malicious energy about his person - while the two aforementioned remain hidden down behind a corner. The big guys is there to bully and the 7-9 year old then pushes the smaller one out from behind the corner, he seems to blush and turn red around the cheeks while doing so.
      As the youngest run out the Bully picks him up. As he picks him up he turns into a small baby of 6 months or maybe even smaller as in still a fetus. As soon as he has picked him up he walks over to a railing and slams the head of the youngest down into this railing. Killing him.
      The youngest looks like a doll and I say something along the lines of “Ah it was a doll”. However then the scenario shifts about and from above the doll is seen lying on the ground, and it is clear that the Bully has killed the youngest fetus/6months old cold blooded.
      The 7-9 year old is devastated and I am now back in my body and participating in my dream. It is clear to me that my reason for being there is that I must forgive the 7-9 year old, that is the karmic stuff the woman was talking about. I sit down with the guy and we both cry like babies.
      I don’t think I have ever been so wrecked by guilt, disgust, anger, sorrow and empathy for the guy. It is difficult containing all these ambivalent feelings and focus on forgiving him, yet this is what I sit down with him and do.
      Dream Ends.

      Dream 2: Walking through a fairgrounds in the rain.

      I am outside in a fairgrounds of some description. The atmosphere is holiday-like and I am walking around by myself, though there are many people around. I am walking past playful attractions, like a bouncy castle where I wonder if it is OK I am wearing shoes. I also walk past loads of food outlets – notably fastfood ones, like Sunset Boulevard and McDonald’s – and contemplate buying food, though I don’t in the end.
      It starts raining, severely. I get drenched in my brown Polo shirt, which I received from a friend of mine about 15-20 years ago. I wonder to myself how I will manage being all drenched and I take off my shoes and find that they are completely soaked in and filled with water as well.
      Dream Ends:

      Interlude: Before going into the dreams that followed later this day it is worth while noting a few events that transpired. The reason being that heavy emphasis was placed on sharing and interpreting these above dreams before the following 2 occurred. Thus the following two dreams can be both expressions of the same primarily activated themes, but also responses to the interpretations that were carried out.

      So I interpreted the first dream as essentially carrying a theme, which is best summarised as the relationship between various inner children. The narrative transformations provide some indications as to what the theme is about, I think.
      The dream starts out as a sexual fantasy – which is both day residue, as we fell asleep together and both of us apparently experienced fear and confusion as to what the connection was all about, as well as a pinpointing of a challenge I experience in intimate relations (the fear of reaching out, making the first move and committing to expose myself through expressing desire and attraction) – that then transforms to a karmic message “This is about karma, I will meet you in the summer”, which is a dialogue with a “faceless” woman (which carries on a theme of recent where a veiled woman has made herself known, as well a running into “the guy who wants to remain hidden” on the same night in a different dream), which then leads to a display of the killing of the youngest child (4-5 years old, turns into 6 months/fetus) through the brutal action of the 12-13 year old, but guided by the 7-9 year old.
      The intense emotionality, the supernatural aspects as well as the residual impact leads me to suspect this as a prospective dream, indicating that a dawning realisation of the interrelation between various “sub-programmes”. I suspect this is related to the connection between my fear of intimacy (which was prevalent with Nala) and my fear of promoting myself.
      The reason I suspect this was that when I was discussing some of the potential meanings of these boys of various ages with Mads on the way back from the weekend the 12 year old reminded me of a time when I had a crush on a girl from my class (Djana), though I never really dared to admit it. I could admit it to myself, but I was afraid of admitting to it publicly, which has been a recurring story ever since. This theme of public displays of affection was actually activated as an element of conscious reflection during the breakfast, where I engaged with Nala in an intimate fashion.
      So it is as if at least 3 of these 4 inner children are known to me. (1) Fetus//6 months old – pertaining to being abandoned (in the womb through smoking, alcohol consumption and potentially a polluted motivation of wanting to keep a hold on my dad, indicating a dysfunctional relation already then and the traumatic experience at 1,5 months old that I have talked to my mother about) (2) the 4-5 year old (The memory of getting punished for reaching out for food, being shamed and made wrong, as confirmed by my cousin who was in the memory) (3) the 12-14 year old (associated with being afraid to publicly commit to attraction and already at this point in time experiencing difficulty in expressing sexual desire or making the first moves. The 4th (the 7-8 year old) is so far unknown to me (it is the period of my life where I first discovered computer gaming, is the first that springs to mind).
      In any case the notion around Djana becomes present in one of the following dreams.


      Dream 3: How can one loose a space ship, well apparently it is because we forget how to look at the stars at night.

      There is a vista of a city skyline in bright sunlight. I am overlooking this from the water, a river I think. Then a portal opens and a version of the starship Enterprise appears. Then another and another I think of up to 6 or 7 appear. They are all slightly different, with different details around particular the engines, but it is important and it is made known to me that these differences matter, as it is a proof that I am not “just seeing things”.
      Then an alarm is sounded, or it is made known that we have lost a starship. There is a meeting of various generals from all over the world. Then a question is posed “How is it even spotted when it is hanging out there in the outskirts of the solar system in the darkness?” and an immediate, but also embarrassing answer (because it is so obvious) is posed. “Our allies (a different species) can walk in space and so can easily see spaceships in the darkness”. Then the Iranian general walks out to observe the stars and train his vision, but also do something of some description to retrieve the starship.
      Dream Ends:

      Dream 4: At a party, going home early to meet Djana, but is instead greeted by 6-7 aliens looking for Hude Dant – which I recognise as an obvious allusion to Hugh Grant.

      I am out partying with my friends. I decide to rather quickly return home and here I hope that I will find Djana at home. When I return I notice a small car parking on the other side of the road. It is driven by a woman – who is sitting in shadows and whom I have an awkward feeling about – we have a history and she is somehow connected to picking up Djana or someone else. I walk in and am pleased to find that the doors are open and that there is a light on. I walk in and down to the basement, but can’t find Djana. Instead I find my laptop lying on the sofa.
      Then a whole bunch of people walk in. I immediately know that they are aliens disguised as humans and that they are somehow connected with the previous spaceships (though I have no explicit memory of the previous dream, in this dream). There are 3-5 of them in the room and they are looking for Hude (or Lube) Dant, but I also know that this is a poor way to cover up that they are looking for Hugh Grant.
      There is a scenario shift to a driving car with 2 aliens in it, where one has disguised itself as a Dane and another as a Swede. There is a statement that I should keep away from Copenhagen and that there is something funny about this disguised Dane speaking Danish. It is all connected to a greater mission of sorts.
      Dream Ends:

      Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

      Updated 11-19-2018 at 02:31 PM by 35291

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    12. Hyper-Tactility

      by , 11-08-2018 at 08:43 AM
      Morning of November 8, 2018. Thursday.

      Dream #: 18,952-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min. Readability score: 63.



      I become aware in non-lucidity of being in an unknown room in semidarkness. Marilyn (half-sister on my mother’s side, deceased) is watching something on a big screen. (I do not recall that she had died in February 2014, and I had not seen her in real life since February 1994. She appears as she was in the 1960s.) It is not discernible at first. A slide projector and another device are near me. The image on the screen is mostly sky, but there is a fuzzy pale rendering of a broadcast tower. I make some remarks about it. (Eventually, there had been some unusual thoughts about which times near the end of the year that Marilyn had been alive and when she had not, which makes no sense. My non-lucid dream self must have forgotten the definitions of “death” and “life.”)

      Over time, I turn a dial on the device and the image of the broadcast tower becomes clearer. Soon, the imagery changes and is taking up the entire screen as a lattice of a broadcast tower. Simultaneously, my dream becomes more vivid. I realize that I can now create and control imagery, but I am not yet lucid.

      I bring about the imagery of a tunnel to my right. It is holographic and about four feet up from the floor. It is a corrugated metal culvert pipe. My cat Smokey from over twenty years ago comes through, and I pet her. I explain to Marilyn what cat it is even though she would have known. There is something within my mind about summoning a denizen from the nexus, the space between dreaming and waking, which the cat represents. I realize that the broadcast tower was a deliberate creation to augment the dynamics of my current conscious self identity in the dream state and so I enter apex lucidity, where the dream state is wholly mine. Looking at the broadcast tower lattice, it now appears to have pieces of pillow stuffing in equidistant patterns in certain corners.

      I summon a young Zsuzsanna as when we first met in 1994. She shines with internal energy. The tangibility reaches hyper-realistic forms, indistinguishable from waking life other than being more defined than would be possible in reality. We indulge in making love for a considerable time. There is a point where she floats above me, glowing internally, and rushes at me, this stemming from deliberate anticipation. There is a notion of a vampire theme (in a role-playing context, though horror movie scenarios have remained difficult to make as I have gotten older), initiated by typical lucid dream state frisson, but I cannot sustain the concept, as my thinking skills are too active.



      Certain levels of apex lucidity are such a different experience and level of perception and control it is like a different level of existence. The broadcast tower of enhancing the dream state seems as viable as the opening of a door (or opening a wall like a door) or the use of a staircase.


      Categories
      lucid
    13. 18-09-19 Ask for Sex, Xenoes

      by , 09-24-2018 at 06:45 PM
      Some stuff happened which I can't remember. After these events, a girl walks away from me. We'd experienced stuff together. Realizing it was my last chance, I ran after her and kinda casually asked if she wanted to have sex. Not exactly my usual MO in real life... Anyway, she said she'd told me before she wanted to do that. I didn't recall. Anyway, I wrapped my arm around her waist and we walked off. I warned her I was a bit self-conscious about my body as I'd recently put on a few pounds and am not exactly a tanned beach god.

      Then we got ambushed by these SWAT-team guys. I was forced to the ground, and forcibly hogtied. Turns out the cops were hunting for so-called 'Xenoes' (plural of Xeno), a collection of mutants and mechanically augmented people. Basically everyone who wasn't a 'normal' human, was automatically a Xeno. Xenoes were being 'made' by biotech companies around the globe (Isolay was mentioned, a company from the Deus Ex games). They said human augmentation was 'breaking the fabric of society'. Normally, I would debate them fiercely on this as I'm a transhumanist. But in this case, I just wanted sex. They released me as soon as they confirmed I wasn't a Xeno and I went on my way, with my girl of course.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    14. Monday, July 30

      by , 08-31-2018 at 08:32 PM
      I am at Matt and Sara’s house (not sure if it really looks like it). It is pretty dim in here and dark outside. There is a natural disaster occurring; I see a red glow outside. What I’m fairly certain is lava is coming up through the floor. It seems to be coming in through almost every side, but I am able to escape. Outside is almost no better; lava is flowing down the street towards me. I narrowly avoid it. I think Matt, Sara, and Makayla were still in the house, and I hope they’re okay. I am walking away, trying to distance myself from the lava/fire, when I call Dad. I tell him I’m headed a certain direction, to which he tells me angrily that is the wrong way to go. I guess it is worse that way. I get slightly angry at his quickness to anger, like he doesn’t trust my autonomy. With a slight bite to my voice, I tell him I’m fine and safe. I try to call Melissa and Makayla, with no answer. I end up in a Qdoba or something similar. Kenny is working here (he looks younger and older at the same time. I think he has a small mustache). I’m not sure if he recognizes me as I approach the counter. I think I ask what comes on something, and he says he’ll tell me when I pick something. I chose a taco, and he tells me what’s on it. One of the ingredients is bacon. I tell him that’s all okay. I then ask for just a medium sized drink. He moves to the register (to my right) and rings everything up. The total ($8) appears and then goes down, before disappearing completely. I didn’t mind paying and didn’t expect this, but Kenny just chuckles. I go for a fist bump, but he goes to shake it. I go to fill the pretty large plastic cup. I think I end up contacting everyone and finding out that they’re okay.



      I am going somewhere with Melissa and her mom and dad. I’m driving Melissa, following her dad. It looks like we’re in a fairly large city, though the roads are not too bad. I am following a map and turn where it says to, though Carlos has gone straight. The turn does seem kind of wrong. Immediately, Carlos calls and tells me he knows what the map says, but to not go that way. I start turning around. We end up parking outside of some buildings. They are tall, with a gently sloping grassy area with a paved walkway nestled amongst them. There is a car parked so close to two low rock walls I don’t even know how it fit. We don’t see Carlos’ car, but we know this is the place, so we get out and start to look for them. We spot them walking through a sort of very small outdoor plaza that mostly looks like a patio. I also see Sage’s mom sitting out here. I’m wondering if she’ll see me. I must also see Granny, because I message Sage, saying how I saw my mom’s mom with her mom. I am now sitting on the cement with Carlos and Melissa. We are packing for a trip, but we are packing sausages? They are little pieces in what looks like an ice tray. Carlos breaks them out and puts them nicely in a small but long black bag. After a while, I start helping. We had them in nice rows, but those start to fall apart. There’s also some loose rice in the bag. Melissa starts putting small pieces of white cheese in the bag, before her dad says she doesn’t need to. I want some though, so I keep putting a few pieces in. We are packing for a lot of people - 60? I’m holding a Ziploc that has two plastic containers in it. I think they are full of water, so I add water to one. I am then under the impression that they are sunscreen, so I feel bad for messing it up. Melissa then tells me it is only water. We are now in a small, cement corner type area. There’s a Deadpool movie theater cardboard cut-out. We hold it up because we think Carlos will like it. Some others show up, about 3-4 guys and girls probably in their mid 20s. They start climbing up this large cut-out. I spot them. One of the guys drops down, bending his legs completely and bringing his whole body down to absorb the impact. There are holes in it, which is what they’re using to climb it. One of the girls is getting mad at them for doing it. This only provokes me. Dressed like Spiderman? I start climbing it. I initially pull myself up with just one finger in a hole at the top of my reach. I climb further than the others did. I start to swing out, a seemingly tense moment for everyone, but my feet land on a brick wall, on which I just barely balance and stand on. I then grasp it and lower myself down first before jumping the rest of the way to the ground. I think I was talking to the girl through all of this. The other say I just completely destroyed her (because she thought we shouldn’t be doing this?). I’m thinking I should’ve done a backflip at the end.



      I’m in a high school gym with Melissa. Something is going on; the bleachers are fairly full. We slow and look for a space to sit. There’s an empty row at the top, which we take. People are throwing a ball around, up and down the bleachers. We end up with all of our clothes off, but covering ourselves partially with a blanket.



      Melissa and I are staying at my grandma's house. Our bed is not even in a bedroom, just out in the open. I think we have been or are having sex. I hope we haven’t been too loud.
    15. Friday, July 27

      by , 08-31-2018 at 08:18 PM
      I am going to some event of Denisse’s - a birthday party for Demyan? The invitation says it starts between 2 and 4. I’m going to be there closer to 4 or 5. The place is in a pretty desolate area with dirt roads. I ride a dirt bike? to the house, taking a curve in the dirt road that only cuts off a corner. At one point, I am alone in a garage of a house that seems fairly large and nice. There is a punching bag that I unload a few punches on. The punches are not as strong as I would like them to be.



      I wake up in a bed with Melissa. We begin taking each other’s clothes off and having sex. She now starts to go down on me, but I am wearing a condom. She recoils from the taste. I would take it off, but the taste would remain. I’m not exactly sure what to do.
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