Recent DJ Posts

I think I am in the UK. I’m in a slightly forested area with two long ponds. I think they’re separated by a slight incline. Their contours seem to give the impression that they are larger. There is shade and dappled sunlight on them and on the many kayakers. There’s a languid feeling and it’s a really beautiful scene. I contemplate swimming. I know I’m also with Granny, but I don’t know where she is right now. I think that she doesn’t know where I’ve gone either, so I go to find her before we get too separated. I walk past the public restroom, and the door to the Women’s is open. I glance in, but don’t see her. I think there is something about her dying or me only having so much time to find her before she does.




I’m with Melissa, I think at her house. Alex has called an Uber, and two cars show up. Each driver is a middle aged man, one white and one Hispanic (*As I write this, I remember how I questioned Melissa capitalizing Hispanic and not white, just like I’ve done here). I think they start talking while Melissa and I get into one of the cars. She starts driving it and I tell her this isn’t how Ubers work, but she continues.




I’m with Melissa in a store. It seems pretty busy. Melissa cuts in front of a Black lady from the side of the line to check out. I think she hands the cashier a receipt, maybe to justify her cutting. The Black lady looks at me and I give an unsure expression. I don’t really like Melissa doing this.

So interestingly enough my renewed efforts are already paying off! Better awareness, more vivid/consistent dreams, and something odd happened where I almost spotted a dreamsign but my dream was like OH, NO THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK IT IS, HAHA and changed it. You can't fool me forever, dreams.

Dream: Being a Good Person
So first of all, this dream seemed to be set in the past when I was still attending church (good dreamsign, I've dreamed about that church a few times now). I was friends with a girl who was disabled in some way and needed to drink lots of sugarwater, and she'd been assigned to read three verses in front of the whole church, but didn't think she'd be able to do it. So I figured the right thing to do was to offer to read two of the verses for her so she only had to do one. But truthfully I was quite anxious about reading in front of the whole church, and the majority of the dream consisted of me worrying about it. Then my sister pitched in and offered to read one of the verses for me, which I gratefully accepted.

There were other, more confusing and less straightforward parts of the dream, but I'm not going to write down things that don't translate into real life because it always ends up not being true to the nature of the dream. And maybe if I only write down the parts that make sense, my dreams will start to make more sense?

Dream: Family Reunion
So this was a long, fairly consistent and realistic dream with a theme of something like, "traveling." There was a lot of time spent on canoes, in cars, and on metro trains (which children kept falling out of), and my mother, sister, and extended family on my mother's side all made an appearance, as well as my boyfriend. That said, I don't really consider any of them to be a dreamsign even though seeing them in person is abnormal, and this might be because I want to see them.

I think there's a part of me that is motivated to become lucid by the wish to change the dream and avoid unpleasant things. For instance, seeing my dead grandmother alive again is actually rather unpleasant because I don't know why it keeps happening, and there might be something I'm trying to avoid (thoughts like, could I have saved her from her dementia, or what does it really mean that she's dead ... maybe I blame myself for something, or maybe I miss her, I don't know what it is). So, for that reason it makes perfect sense to make her a dreamsign, because it serves the dual purpose of getting me lucid and allowing me to recognize what's happening and escape it. In the same way, seeing my father in the dream is a dreamsign because I try to avoid him in real life as much as possible, and naturally I would prefer to avoid him in dreams as well.

At any rate, after a somewhat unrealistic visit from my boyfriend (I left without saying goodbye to him, probably represents my anxiety over doing something similar in real life and being thoughtless in some way) and a half-remembered canoe outing with my mother, I was in a car in Virginia on my way to a famous vacation spot to meet up with my mother's side of the family. On the way there, we passed something I'd never seen before: a theme park or museum or attraction of some kind that featured massive inflatable ships and things floating on the water outside, and enormous recreations of Lego figures. They may even have been moving. I noticed one of the huge inflatable ships looked a little deflated, as though it were a natural result of the thing being on display for so long with no means of refilling it. I thought about how nice it would be to go there with Alex, and figured he'd probably be able to afford whatever the (probably crazy) entry price was, and together we could have the time of our lives in ... whatever this place was.

Then I was on a train, and children kept getting confused because the train would stop and the doors would open, but sometimes it wasn't the right place to get off and the platform would actually be dangerously receded. So throughout the train ride, children kept falling onto the tracks and their family would have to fish them out. A couple times I thought a kid was going to get crushed, but the dream never acted like one was (there were no freaked-out reactions from the family, for instance), so it seemed like things were... "okay" for whatever reason.

Adam Sandler (or so my brain called him) and his son were also on the train, going to the same vacation spot as I was. I seriously don't know much about him, but my brain was like "white comedian man" and I figured "yeah he's probably one of the ones that says fuck a lot." I was thinking about how well-behaved his child was in that he wasn't trying to throw himself onto the train tracks like the other kids had been, and then I might've accidentally taught the kid the f-word. I said to Sandler that the kid had probably already learned that word from him anyway, and Sandler just sort of smiled like that was the kind of thing he would expect someone like me to say. He really had a reserved feel about him in that moment, as though he'd completely removed his comedian persona and was just trying to relax and be himself with his son. This got me thinking that I'd made a mistake in assuming that real-life Sandler and comedian Sandler were the same person, and I was chastising myself a little bit because I don't like to make mistakes like that.

At any rate, the vacation spot was some set of cabins and things next to a bay, and there were a bunch of friendly squirrels running around in one area because there were so many oversized acorns on the ground. You could pick the acorns up and hold them over the squirrels, and the squirrels would beg for them as though the acorns weren't right there on the ground to begin with. And I distinctly remember eating two of these acorns for... for some reason. Both times the outer shell was a bit pliable and tasted awful, while the inside was perfectly nice, and both times I failed to even try to shell the acorn and suffered the consequences. So... not really the high point of my intellect, there.

Then, the most interesting moment. I heard and saw my grandmother nearby, and as I observed I realized that her dementia was entirely gone. Somehow she had made a full recovery. And then, the first inkling came that this was important and odd, and perhaps... and the dream reacted. In an instant, Granny had vanished, and one of my older aunt-in-laws was in her place, sounding (though not looking), quite a lot like her. It really had the same feel as thinking you see something, and then looking closer and realizing it's actually something else entirely. Then I overheard someone say (or perhaps it was simply the dream straight-up narrating), that there was an older man who constantly got this aunt-in-law confused with Granny, and it was so sad because he'd been so close to Granny before and missed her quite a lot. Hm. Not much else interesting happened after that.

I guess I need to figure out why I want to be lucid. I think there's a huge part of my motivation that simply wants to escape bad dreams and images, because this was what originally got me into lucid dreaming in the first place. I used to have nightmares as a kid, and realized pretty quickly that these were dreams and that killing myself would wake me up. For some reason I'm now remembering one particularly memorable time this happened when I was quite young: I dreamed that I was being forced into a marriage with an alligator by my foreign royal family, and that soon I would have to climb into bed with this literal animal and be eaten and torn apart by it. Instead, I locked myself in the bathroom and stabbed myself in the stomach with a fancy pair of scissors. This didn't hurt or feel like anything, but it was apparent that I would soon die from this... when my family broke down the door, all of them crying as they realized what I'd done. They pointed to the alligator in the bed, now slain, and said that they'd killed it, and I didn't have to get married to it and there was no need for me to die. I was crying a little too at this point, if only because they were so sad, because I was quite ready to leave the dream at this point and didn't really want to stay with this odd, sacrificing-people-to-alligators family. Regardless, it was too late. I died and woke up soon after.

One way to interpret this would be to say that my dream somehow regretted my leaving. But that might be me personifying the dream when I shouldn't be, again. Perhaps I was trying to teach myself that dying to wake up wasn't necessary, and that there were other solutions? Man I'm really not sure what it all means, I need to think about this more.

1) On a coach siting at the back, my granny is driving, we set off at great speed. I realise it's cold and I have forgotten a coat. Then I'm flying in the air with all the other people on the coach and I notice they are all wearing just T shirts and realise it's actually quite warm. Next I have a cat sitting on my legs and it's quite enjoying being thrown around and sleeping soundly on me.

2) There are hundreds of peolple wearing hard hats preparing for a wedding, I'm wandering around amonst them. I'm outside the marquee and surrounded by scouts who are going to camp in the same area I walk with them back towards the wedding marquee and reach the entrance, say goodbye, there are a few people now stood around wearing formal clothing.

3) On a camping trip. Then I'm a long way from the tent naked and I run back trying to avoid the thistles on the ground.

Dream
Pretty much just dreamed about stressful things. Ben came back from college but I was so angry with him I wouldn't even talk to him or acknowledge he was there. Granny woke up in her coffin and hurt her hands banging and clawing at the lid until she was let out, though once she was, she looked even healthier than before she died. And Dad got into Harry Potter lore and said something casually about how he thought I was like Voldemort, a racist sociopath, and I snapped and yelled at him so much he ended up physically backed into a corner.

BLEH. No fun dreams lately.

I don't feel very aware in my dreams, which bugs me because instead of encountering something weird and going "Oh, maybe this is a dream," I just accept it. Guess I should practice my reality checks. Probably something like "what if this right now is a dream?" and then giving everything a good hard look would help. And also being like "wait maybe this is a dream" and doing a reality check every time something weird happens.

ANYWAY.

Dream: "It's Not the Actual Her"
Dreamed that various relatives had gathered for whatever reason, which was fine by me except that one of them was my recently dead Granny. She seemed to be acting pretty normal, so it wasn't as if the doll-looking thing that served as her corpse in the viewing had been cruelly reanimated. It really was like she'd somehow come back to life. And I was like, what, this is impossible (because I do have SOME dream awareness, I guess). I said as much to my sister, who scoffed and said that of course it wasn't the actual Granny. And then something like, "It's like if they made another one of you. It wouldn't be the actual you." So then I was thinking, what, like a clone? They grew a clone of Granny in that little time and now it's here? They could make a clone of me? And I was just, like, confused. But I didn't think it was a dream. FOOLISH ME

Then there was a bit about Granny being casually psychic her whole life and not wanting the ability to go to waste, so sometimes she'd inform us of stuff she knew. Like, okay, to describe it more fully, I was in some building, and when I looked out one of the windows I saw a younger Granny driving her car and boasting of her never-wrong ability to just know things, viewed from the perspective of the front seat. So I was like yo, cool, if she's 100% psychic then maybe I'm like, 25% psychic?

Then I was in the 1319 house and saw these two black cats outside in the rain, so I let one in (the other was still away from the door for some reason) and got a towel to dry it off with. And it was very well-mannered about this, snuggling into the towel to make things easier, and I was like yo this cat's pretty smart. But again, even though I got this mental ping like "that's weird" it didn't translate into a reality check. I needa practice these things IWL aaaaa.

Eventually I let the other cat in and toweled him off as well, and it was pretty vivid. So that was cool. Tryna dry off these cats. Man, they were really soaked.

I woke up and I was like ehhh I could use more dreams, maybe I could WILD? And then I just fell back asleep like normal so whoops.

Dream: Chillin' with the Bae
Then I dreamed the bae and I actually lived within walking distance of each other, which I then got totally confused with waking life. I was like, dude, we live so close to each other, how come we don't hang out like this all the time? So I was a little confused. Also I was going to college, and although we didn't really go to the same college we'd walk to class together. It was super nice tho. Bein' able to hang out with him.

Ugh I am too lazy to remember much more, but there was some part where I think the bae and I went to some kinda welcoming seminar to welcome me back to college, and it was pretty hella boring. Oh right, and then I met Mang0 the melee player which was rad. He was super chill.

crash after 400 mg valerian, 100 mg B6, some starchy and fatty food
got up a few times in the night
later dreams recalled, jotted down notes, and now fleshing them out. some details may be lost

Dream 1
I fall asleep during a school trip on a public bus; I might be back in high school. After waking, everyone is treating me differently and avoiding me. Back at school, everyone being haters. From students to teachers, everybody seems to detest me. I completely forget the reason why I've become so infamous, but it comes to my attention that my close friend at the time JF has been either slandering me or telling certain secrets, which seems to have permeated across the school. One teacher in particular is giving me so much shit and spreading these tales. I feel so much sadness and rage; i feel coloured a rich blue and vibrant crimson. I wake and not much more detail is recalled until

Dream 2
one of my friends, RZ, is willing to support me, along with one very supportive teacher. she seems to be a confusion of details from many of my previous teachers; she's lanky, tall, gaunt but comforting, and has wild black hair. I plan a way to redeem myself by destroying that one asshole teacher's reputation by getting her to admit to actively trying to defame me and expose her lack of suitability as a teacher.

My friends, that teacher, and I are at a house which I later determined to be my grandparents' old house where I manage to confront her. Her appearance has shifted to that of the supportive teacher, though different. this may be because I've forgotten her appearance from the previous dream. She admits to being a total twat about other's perception of me, but I also manage to get her admitting to not knowing the definition of some fairly basic words. I just notice then that there are other school staff and administration just outside who have overheard, and I see that supportive teacher from the corner of the house give me a thumbs up. she had my back the whole time In the dream, I feel that justice will now work itself out and I wake

Dream 3
I'm eating at a restaurant with 2 of my friends (RZ and 2 others) at a square 4 person table. The restaurant has light blue walls, with a horizontal row of mirrors about chest high lining the walls. We are seated near the entrance, which has a glass door and cashier counter, and the unused seat at our table seems to open towards another 4 person table, at which JF is seated. After a bit of teasingly shunning him, I invite him over as an act of forgiveness. He's eating rice and cheese a snack which I had just heard about earlier that day and we begin to chat about his visits to some temple or something

Dream ?.?
This occurred between some of the previous dreams
I'm walking with a family may be my aunt, her mother, and someone else and we're transferring the mother from something to a motorized wheel chair. Unfortunately we are walking down a hill and once we let go of her chair she speeds down, across the street, and straight into the side of a garage door. this launches her straight out of the crashing person transporter and face first onto the street. Although I was near, I didnt try to run and catch her. I pick her up after and place her back in the chair which had spontaneously reassembled itself

i feel like there was more but cant recall