01/19/14 Two Worlds I am in a place I don't recognize. It is a futuristic looking city. There are many people walking around, simply going about their daily business. No one seems upset or anything. They are talking to each other about mundane topics. There are various races present, some of them look human and others look far from being human. There are also robots. A robot that looks similar to a C3-P0 unit politely says excuse me as he comes up behind me. I look and realize I am standing in the middle of a walkway. I mutter an apology and step out of the way. The robot wishes me a nice day and continues on his way. The humanoid reptile behind him isn't so polite. She is going on about how could a mere robot have the nerve to expect a real person to move aside for him. She says she can't believe the nerve of some of these artificials. Right now I am thinking I would much rather hang out with the C3-P0 unit than her. She is just rude and annoying. After seeing she isn't going to get any response out of me she continues on her way, now muttering expletives about people who love artificials. I follow after her for a short while, not sure if she has anything to do with why I might be here. She finally stops and turns back to me. She asks what my problem is, am I having sex with that damn artificial? If I am it makes her sick. I tell her that who I am having sex with is none of her business. She snoots her nose up in the air and walks off. I am trying to decide if I should bother following the grouch any more… I am considering doing it just to piss her off… when someone shoves me out of the way rather rudely. I look to see who and I spot the back side of a lombax in a really big hurry. I recognize that lombax! It's Ratchet from the Ratchet and Clank games! He pushes past the rude reptilian woman who gives him a piece of her mind in a stream of expletives… but he is already gone and she finds she is cursing out someone who appears to be a human male. The man thinks she is cursing at him and tells her to shut the fuck up, calling her lizard brain. She seems offended by that, which seems ironic to me. The bigot bitch is now the subject of racism. She fluffs up some strange hood type thing around her head and gets all indignant and walks away in a huff. I am about to follow Ratchet when I hear something else. Someone is calling out Ratchet's name and telling him to come back here, why are you doing this? Of course Ratchet is long gone and could not possibly hear the person calling him. I go to investigate the person calling instead. I can track Ratchet down later if I need to. I follow the voice that called Ratchet and find a small work room. There are computers all over the place as well as an array of tools. Some of the tools are put away neatly while others are strewn on a work table. Clank is here, he is standing on the work table. He is connected to a large object sitting on the floor by what looks like a long extension cord. Wtf? He isn't looking when I come in and apparently thinks Ratchet has come back. He says he is glad I have finally come to my senses… now put his robotic ignition system right back where it belongs, and he'd better have a good explanation as to… Now Clank turns around and sees me at the door, he sees I am not Ratchet. I tell him I don't know what is going on, but I saw Ratchet running down the street as if he was being chased by a blargian snagglebeast. I tell him I believe I have been brought here to help… so what is going on? Clank looks mad for a bit, then he just looks sad. He says he wishes he knew, but he doesn't think I can be much help unless I have a robotic ignition system. I tell him I can get one of those… I think… I access the penticon chip in my brain and ask if it can replicate a robotic ignition system. It scoffs at me and says of course, just upload the exact specifications. There is a pause, Clank looks at me strangely, and then a mechanical device appears on the work table. My penticon reports the replication is complete. Clank picks up the device, opens a panel in his side, plugs a couple things in to the device before putting the whole device inside and closing the panel. He then unplugs the extension cord. He says he's glad to be off of that thing. I ask what that is. He says it's a backup power source… his internal power system won't function without the robotic ignition system… which Ratchet stole! I ask why would he do that? Clank says he doesn't know, just that he seemed to be in a big hurry when he was setting up the backup power supply… which Clank hadn't realized what that was for at the time… but there must be something wrong. The Ratchet he knows would never have done that… Well it seems there is a bit of a mystery, and I guess I have to track Ratchet down after all. I sniff the air and comment that I smell a Templar, more to myself than to anyone around. Clank asks what that is. I say it's like saying I smell a rat, only far, far worse. A Templar… smells like the stuff that comes out of the south end of a north bound blargian snagglebeast. He cocks his head and looks at me strangely. I comment that someone is going to eat dirt. Clank apparently thinks I mean Ratchet because he says no, don't kill Ratchet… there must be a very good explanation, he's sure of it… there has to be… I tell him I don't mean Ratchet… I mean someone else I know named Robert de Sable who I suspect is somehow behind everything. He's a Templar. Gotta go find him and Ratchet before something happens that can't be undone so easily as replacing a robotic ignition system. I head out of the work shop quickly, but I am sure Ratchet is long gone. I am wondering how to best find him when I see a ship fly overhead. It looks like the ships that are often used in the Ratchet and Clank games. I scan it with my penticon quickly and confirm Ratchet is on board. I summon my fire valkyrie, teleport aboard. I hear Clank following after me and saying he wants to come, so I also teleport him aboard. I follow after Ratchet as he heads into space. In space I use the communicator to contact Ratchet. At first he doesn't respond at all but then he apparently realizes Clank is with me and answers. He seems glad to see Clank is ok, though he also seems surprised and says he'd been told the replacement robotic ignition system wasn't due in until tomorrow… I say I replicated one. Clank wants to know what's going on. I can't really tell if Clank is pissed off or worried or what. He says there's no time to explain, there's something he's got to do… and shuts off communication. The other ship is preparing to go to warp drive, so I use a tractor beam and hold it in place. That gets Ratchet's attention back really quick and he makes contact again, now saying to let him go or they'll all be killed. All of who? The lombaxes! And he's already late, it might already be too late! Clank seems annoyed now, he says if there are lombaxes in danger, why didn't Ratchet just say so? Ratchet should have known Clank would help… Ratchet says no, he has to go alone, those are the rules. He has to give himself up or that bastard is going to kill all of them. Clank says it's no doubt a trap. Ratchet looks at something off to his side and then looks like the world is about to end. He says it's too late now… there's no way he can get there in time. I comment my ship can get there in time. Just tell me where. And there won't be any flying into a trap alone, either. He repeats he has to go alone or that bastard is going to destroy the whole planet. I use Of Wolf and Man to transform into Ratchet. Ok… now where? Clank and Ratchet are both staring at me now. I tell Ratchet if time really is running out, I just need to know where to go. Clank asks if I'm not worried that whoever this is will just kill me instead. I say no. Not at all worried. I got abilities this guy has certainly never even had nightmares about. Let's see if this asshole is counting on meeting up with a formshifting virus. Well now I look like Ratchet, but I figure the asshole in question might also notice if a fire valkyrie comes flying in. So I use the ship computer to open a wormhole to the coordinates Ratchet provides. I tell him I'll use my transporter to swap places with him, just take my ship back to the planet, I need to use his to make sure the asshole doesn't notice a difference. He agrees to it, and my penticon does the teleportation. It feels a bit strange to see someone else sitting in the pilot's seat of my fire valkyrie… but I figure it will be ok. I fly through the wormhole. On the other side I can tell I am now on the outskirts of the galaxy. It is quite an amazing view. There is a space station hovering in the emptiness of space. That is where Ratchet has been told to go, so that is where I will go. I fly over to the station. I get a communication from the station. The transmission is from a strange alien that I recognize from the Ratchet and Clank series, he's a cragmite. Looks like Percival Tachyon from the later games. So I figure he probably wants to get rid of Ratchet, me now, because he (I'm) a lombax. He's just being an asshole. He says I am late. That is bullshit. I tell him I'm fucking early. He doesn't really respond, but the landing bay of the station opens up so I land. In the landing bay I find I am surrounded by numerous strange creatures that look like fish wearing suits of armor. Weird. My first thought is that the sushi is delivering itself. But I figure I had better not resist or that damn Tachyon is going to do whatever it is he has been threatening to do. They use some kind of restraint to secure my hands behind my back. I test it a bit. Yeah, my viral strength can snap it like a twig. I do nothing but go with them, however. Gotta find the head of the snake. I follow the fish people into a large control room where Tachyon is standing right beside a console with a very distinctive red button. He is laughing at something. I see the largest display screen shows a city inhabited by lombaxes. I wonder where that is. Tachyon now that I'm here the show can begin. He tells me to say goodbye to the rest of my kind. While his behavior doesn't really surprise me at all, it does still piss me off. I say he gave his word that if I came he wouldn’t do that. My penticon is talking to me at the same time. It says it has accessed the targeting system and found a more appropriate target. Tachyon acts like he is surprised, then says he wouldn't have said that… I am trying to talk Tachyon out of firing the weapon, because I am not sure I can get to him before he can push the button. Maybe… but I'm not wanting to take that chance. My attempts to convince him to not do it seem to amuse him. He clearly doesn't care that the lombaxes on the screen have done nothing to him… the last thing I comment is that when someone does something like that it inevitably comes back to bite them in the ass. He says there's no one to make him pay. So Tachyon is laughing his ass off when he makes a show of pushing the button. Nothing happens. He stops laughing and looks at the screen which still shows a city with lombaxes going about their daily business. He pushes the button again. Still nothing. He pushes it several more times, getting more frustrated with every push. I can't help but point out how anti-climatic that was. He is pissed and pounding on the button. I look over at a screen near the firing button. There's a gage that had been maxed out just a few minutes ago, now it is sitting on empty. It is the reading for the weapon charge level. I tell Tachyon it clearly already fired… maybe he needs to check his targeting coordinates. He stops pushing the red button and looks at the gage. He then looks at a terminal and begins typing something on it. He says something can't be, seems visibly upset by it. The scene of lombaxes on the screen is replaced by a scene showing the debris of what may have recently been a planet. He looks at the console, at the screen, then he glares over at me and asks how the fuck I managed to do that. I tell him I did nothing… he did that. What did you do? Blow up the wrong fucking planet? My penticon reports to me that he has successfully destroyed the planet where the cragmites had ended up after the lombaxes had sent them through a dimensional portal. I do a face palm… a double… I need more hands. He blew up his own planet! Tachyon is pissed off beyond belief at me. He seems to think I somehow managed to access his computer system and retarget the weapon all while being restrained and right in front of him trying to talk him out of firing it. I tell him nope, this is all him. I told him it would bite him in the ass… He insists on saying I will pay for it and so will all of those other filthy lombaxes. Well I don't particularly want to consume this one… I am thinking his thoughts and memories might be too repulsive… but I also want to know if he has had dealings with Robert de Sable, if that is why I was brought here. I tell him maybe he was given a defective weapon… by who? The name wouldn't happen to be Robert de Sable, would it? He stops mid rant and looks at me. He looks like he has just figured it all out. He says Robert de Sable must be my friend! I knew the whole time that the weapon wouldn't fire where he aimed it because my friend Robert de Sable set me up. I tell him Robert is no friend of mine… but that does explain where a dumb cragmite managed to get hold of an interdimensional planet destroyer weapon. I smell a Templar. He says it doesn't matter… as soon as the weapon is charged he will make sure it is aimed at the lombax planet and blow them all out of existence. He pushes a couple buttons on the controls and the power gage starts rising as the weapon is recharging. I decide I have had enough of Tachyon. More than enough, really. I tell him the only ones about to not exist are him and his pal Robert. He laughs at me and says there's nothing I can do about it. If it wasn't for the fact he wants me to see the rest of the lombaxes wiped out of the galaxy I'd already be dead. I tell him he talks a lot… that's because he's weak. And pathetic. He says I'm in no position to be insulting him. I break the restraints like a twig. He backs up a couple steps. He points at me and say GET HIM! So that's his whole plan? Not going to work on a virus. I don't bother shifting back to my normal form, but I do activate an Alex Mercer blade on my right arm. There are fish people all around me in their futuristic armor. My blade slices through their armor like a hot knife through butter. So I cut down the enemies that attack me. I see Tachyon staring at that scene for a bit before he apparently decides it would be a good idea to make a hasty retreat. This guy is as much of a flaky chicken-wuss as Robert himself! Come back here, you flaky jerk! Feel my blade! I am about to chase after Tachyon when I see the power gage on the weapon is at full… and still climbing. It is now overcharging. It is entering the red zone. The intercom system is now warning of imminent detonation if the charge is not stopped. Forget Tachyon. He will most likely blow up with his station. Just to be sure the overcharge can't be aborted I smash the controls before leaving. I head back the way the fish people brought me from. My ship, or really Ratchet's ship, is still sitting in the landing bay. I jump into the ship and launch out of there. I am flying away from the station when there is a blinding explosion behind me… the whole thing just blew up. I wonder if there is any chance Tachyon got out of that alive. I figure if he did, at least he won't have access to an interdimensional planet destroyer weapon now. Scans show no signs of life in the vicinity. So I just have to go back to Ratchet and Clank and tell them the lombax planet is safe, and Tachyon is most likely subatomic particles. I use the penticon chip in my brain to open the wormhole I need to get back quickly. I land Ratchet's ship near my own fire valkyrie, which is landed not far from the work room where I originally found Clank. I get out of the ship and go to the work room. Both Ratchet and Clank are there, though I get the idea they haven't been getting along too well. I hope Robert didn't succeed in fucking things up between them with his stupid interference… I tell them that the planet destroyer is gone, Tachyon is space dust. Or at least I think he's space dust. I didn't actually see him explode. Ratchet seems relieved at that news. Clank still looks kind of pissed. It seems Ratchet is just giving him some space. I don't know if it makes any difference, but I flood the room with positive energy with a song spell I hum to myself. It does seem to have some effect. Clank doesn't look as mad, he asks me what that strange melody is. I say it is called Voices, from a show where I come from called Macross. Well all I can do is hope what Robert did doesn't leave any lasting effect, because it is here that I wake up.
01/17/14 I am in a strange place that somehow looks familiar and foreign to me at the same time. I am walking down a street in a town that looks like something out of one of my video games. Specifically out of Assassin's Creed I. Maybe Jerusalem. There are people walking on the streets and chatting casually though they all seem a bit uneasy. Like they're expecting something to happen at any moment. I notice there seem to be an awful lot of guards wandering the street as well. Many more than would seem justified in a peaceful city street. The guards also seem a little on edge. I see a commotion from off to my right and I head in that direction. There are a lot of people gathered around one spot, all talking animatedly. Some people are talking about dark magic and demons. I wonder what is going on. I push my way through the crowd to get a look at what they're talking about. People are calling the guards, apparently worried about something. Someone tells an approaching guard to use caution, this creatures has black magic and isn't afraid to use it! I head in the direction they are indicating. I am thinking this black magic user might be why I'm here. I get to the place they have indicated before the guards close in and block it off. I find that the guards do have someone cornered, and it is definitely someone who doesn't belong here. Ratchet and Clank are here at the end of a dead end alley. The alley is blocked off by guards and Ratchet has one of his guns out and is pointing it at the guards. Clank is telling him he doesn't know if they're really enemies or if they're just confused, which must be why Ratchet isn't firing at the guards. The guards are wielding their swords at Ratchet but don't seem to dare approach, most likely due to the scorch mark on the ground... it seems Ratchet fired a warning shot and that is the "black magic" they're referring to. The talk of demons comes from the fact they've never seen anything even close to a lombax or a robot before, especially not one that appears to throw fireballs... A guard finally decided to use a ranged weapon... and he fires an arrow at Clank. The arrow hits Clank and bounces off with a *clank* noise but doesn't harm him. I get closer to them and throw a smoke bomb into the middle of the scene. I use my eagle vision to locate Ratchet and Clank and get them off of the street into a small concealed garden area that would no doubt make a very good hiding spot for an Assassin. I hear the guards behind me yelling and searching, giving orders to find them immediately. I wonder if they have a better plan on what to do if they do find them… get shot with more fireballs? Ratchet and Clank seem quite confused as to what is going on. I tell him someone is screwing with space-time and I think I know who... and that someone is gonna be feeling my hidden blade really soon. Clank says they had just been heading to town to get a replacement part for Ratchet's space ship when a strange gateway had opened and pulled them here. Ratchet seems annoyed at being called a demon. I am thinking I need to open a portal to get them home. Before I have a chance to I spot that we aren't alone in the garden. I had originally thought it looked like a good hiding spot for an Assassin and I'm not the only one to have thought that. Altaïr is here. He is right behind Ratchet. Wait... does he also think Ratchet is some kind of demon or monster? I think he does... because he has his hidden blade out. Before he can stab Ratchet I push Ratchet out of the way and tell him to stop it. Altaïr stabs me. Of course in the dream state I am now a virus like Alex Mercer... so that does nothing except create a small injury that instantly heals. I ask Altaïr what he's doing that for. He hesitates when he sees me heal and says I must be another of the demons. He says he has heard that the Templars have enlisted demons to aid them. I say yes, they have, but neither Ratchet nor I are demons. The demon is no doubt the one who pointed Ratchet out to him. I am an Assassin from another dimension. Ratchet is also from another dimension, also not a Templar. Altaïr seems unsure of who to believe now. He says he's seen Ratchet use black magic on some guards... No. Not black magic. Just a more advanced weapon. One that doesn't really belong here, so he'll be taking it home with him. So I need to send Ratchet and Clank home. I start focusing on opening the portal but it seems to be giving me trouble. Altaïr seems unsure of who to believe. I get the idea he is leaning towards believing me. He eyes me for a moment and then says he does believe me, that other person hadn't stayed around long enough for him to verify who's side he was on... but he can see I am an Assassin. He stares at Ratchet for a long while and that seems to annoy Ratchet a bit, who switches his tail around... which draws Altaïr's attention to it and he stares even more. Ratchet finally asks Altaïr if he's never seen a lombax before. "A what?" is Altaïr's response. I comment no, no one here has ever seen a lombax. Wrong time. Wrong planet. Wrong galaxy. Wrong fucking dimension. Robert de fucking Sable. I really want to find Robert and then rip off his favorite body part and shove it up his ass… Ratchet is asking who Robert de Sable is, but Altaïr knows exactly who I am talking about. He says Robert de Sable and his Templars will stop at nothing to get what they want, but this… a lumbet from a different planet? A different dimension? Yeah… but a lombax, not a lumbet… whatever those might be… I gotta send him home. I focus on opening a portal to send Ratchet and Clank back home. I am focusing on the portal when Altaïr distracts me. He says Robert de Sable's name. I turn and see Robert de Sable standing at the entrance to the garden. He is laughing. Altaïr says he doesn't know what scheme the Templars are up to this time but it will fail. As long as there are Assassins around the Templars will always fail. Robert seems to be ignoring Altaïr right now. He asks me if I'm not going to send my two friends home. I hesitate in opening my portal… he seems to like the idea of me sending them home a bit too much, like maybe the Templars have fucked up my portals somehow. Like maybe if I send them "home" I'll actually be doing something to make things much worse. Robert laughs when I hesitate. Of course maybe he is just messing with me, too. And I can't keep Ratchet and Clank here… I really want to kick Robert's ass. Ratchet asks who this guy is, referring to Robert. He is the cause of a hundred paradoxes that Assassins keep having to fix… and this is just another fail. Because that's what he does. He fails. Has always failed. Will always fail. In the history books next to the name Robert de Sable they will write, "The Ultimate Infinite Failure" as the definition. Robert says he will show me a failure and throws a dark energy fireball at Altaïr. I pull the energy ball over to me and absorb it. I tell him to stop passing out dark energy. Well he has done it for the last time, anyway. I use an Alex Mercer move and drive spikes into the ground. They erupt right under Robert… right as he disappears in a blast of smoke. Shit! The chicken-wuss disappeared again! "Come back and FIGHT ME, you FLAKY JERK!" The spikes and the commotion have apparently gotten some attention. Guards are entering the garden through the narrow entrance. They have their swords out and are attacking on sight, apparently not concerned with the idea there might be some innocent people here, too. One of them gets himself stabbed by Altair's hidden blade. A second gets shot with Ratchet's blaster, a third gets electrocuted when he tries to grab Clank. My Alex Mercer claws take out a fourth. The others aren't as quick to push through the opening. Altaïr says he knows a way out. He jumps up a wall and grabs a ledge, climbing as if he is assuming everyone else can obviously follow him. Clank jumps onto Ratchet's back and uses a jet booster to get Ratchet all the way up to the ledge Altaïr grabbed. I easily follow them as well. I guess Altaïr wasn't mistaken when he assumed everyone could follow him. Except the guards, that is. They don't seem to be able to reach the ledge. Close, but not quite. Altaïr throws a knife and takes out an archer aiming at us. A shot from Ratchet's blaster takes out that archer's partner. We get to a place that is hidden from the guards. I hear them out there still looking, but they aren't having any luck. I go back to focusing on opening a portal to get Ratchet and Clank home. A portal opens. I look through the portal and see a place that definitely looks consistent with a Ratchet and Clank world. Robert is still in my mind laughing, still making me question whether this portal is good or not. I go through it, indicating Ratchet and Clank should follow. If it's the wrong place I can set it right once we get there. On the other side of the portal I look around and see the setting is consistent with a Ratchet and Clank world, but the inhabitants are not. The inhabitants are all reptilian creatures with big green eyes and a lot of teeth. They see us enter from a portal. Some of them just look confused, others look like something else… One of them is looking at Ratchet in a way that makes me think he wants there to be fresh lombax on the menu for tonight. I think Ratchet has the same idea, he gets a bit closer to me and says this is definitely not his home world. I tell him I know, this is another trick of Robert's. Time to get out of here. I open another portal, focusing even stronger on getting to Ratchet and Clank's home world. The portal opens and we go through it before anyone in the previous place decides to make a move. Now this world looks right. One of the people there even seems to recognize Ratchet and Clank. I think for a bit and remember his name… Big Al! So I think they're in the right place now. Which is good since here is where I wake up.
01/15/14 I am in a city I don't recognize. I look around to see if I can identify it. It looks like a city out of a fantasy RPG such as Skyrim or Oblivion. There are various people walking around and chatting, various races. I spot a couple orcs, several feline kajiit, and a small cluster of argonians among the more human like races. I decide since I know approximately where I am I need to find out why I'm there. In this kind of game one can often find information in a local pub. So I walk down the street, searching for an inn or a pub. I see some other shops. An apothecary, an armor shop, and a weapons shop, and then a pub. The pub is called the Drunken Troll. I know I've never heard of that particular pub in the parts of the games I've played, but that doesn't matter. Things don't always match perfectly. I go into the pub. Inside the pub it is relatively quiet. It is the middle of the day, and there aren't too many people in there drinking yet. Two khajiit are having an animated conversation in the corner, the merchant at the bar is a nord, and a small group of wood elves seem to be celebrating something at one of the tables in the main sitting area. The nord at the bar looks bored, so I go over to him. He asks what I'll have. He says he is fresh out of nordish ale, his shipment is running late. I wonder if that could lead to a quest. Maybe some bandits are causing trouble or something like that. I am about to ask something about it when a man enters the room, looking breathless. He is carrying a large crate which he sets on the bar. The nord says never mind... the nordish ale is here. The man who just entered looks like another nord. The delivery man says the merchant isn't going to believe what he just saw outside. The merchant laughs and asks what he saw this time, a khajiit kissing an argonian? The delivery man says nope. He saw the strangest looking miniature khajiit walking down the street talking to this little metal golem. The merchant just gives him a strange look. The delivery man adds that the little golem has wings like a bird of some kind. The merchant starts laughing. The delivery man says he is not into the skooma again, he has given up that stuff. I wonder what he has seen, so I decide to check it out. I get up and head out. The merchant calls after me that he doesn't sell skooma... he runs a reputable establishment! Come back! I tell him I'll probably be back after I check out this miniature khajiit. The merchant says the delivery man is just blowing smoke. The delivery man says he really saw it! I go outside onto the street. I look up and down the street to see if anything looks strange. I spot what is out of place right away. Walking down the middle of the road are a couple of individuals that I would never have expected to see in a Tamriel type world. Ratchet the lombax and Clank the robot. Wtf? They are looking around in a perplexed manner. I get closer to them and I can hear them talking. Ratchet is asking Clank if he has any idea where they are. Clank says there is no place in his databases that matches this place. Ratchet says an even better question is how did they get here. Clank looks at me strangely. He says he doesn't know that, either, but the locals are staring. Ratchet looks where Clank is looking, at me, and asks if I have never seen a lombax and a robot before. I say not in this dimension. Oh, and by the way, I'm not a local. And I am pretty certain that the people here have never seen either a lombax or a robot. And I am wondering how exactly this has happened... Is someone messing with dimensions again? A couple of people walk by, talking a bit too loud. One of them says look at the funny little khajiit. An actual khajiit looks at Ratchet and says there is no way that pathetic thing is a khajiit. Ratchet hears that and gives the khajiit a dirty look. Clank puts one hand on Ratchet and says not to start any trouble. The khajiit talks like a typical khajiit, says, "Urj'Jirr thinks that little one has an attitude problem." Ratchet looks around and says Urj'Jirr should say that to him directly instead of getting a pal to say it. The khajiit, Urj'Jirr, says, "Urj'Jirr just did. Urj'Jirr says the little one is not too bright." Now Ratchet just has a confused look on his face. He says there is definitely something wrong with the people here. Urj'Jirr looks annoyed and says, "Maybe Urj'Jirr should teach the strange one some manners." Urj'Jirr's companion takes his arm, however. Ratchet is annoyed again and says, "Well maybe Urj'Jirr should just try it... if HE has the balls!" Urj'Jirr starts to make a move, but his friend restrains him. His friend, an imperial I think, says no... he is absolutely not going to bail Urj'Jirr's ass out of jail again. The friend points at a couple of guards who are now watching us. Urj'Jirr says, "Urj'Jirr thinks the little one got lucky... this time." Urj'Jirr's friend forcibly pulls him away. Ratchet is muttering that he'll show that Urj'Jirr who was lucky... Clank tells Ratchet to calm down, they have to figure out where they are and how to get back home. I look and make sure Urj'Jirr is really leaving, which he is, though he seems reluctant. He and his friend go into the pub. Great... just what the city needs. A drunk, conceited khajiit looking for a fight. I tell Ratchet and Clank I have no idea how they got here, but I do believe I can help them out with getting home. Clank says that would be very helpful. I focus on opening a portal to get to Ratchet and Clank's home dimension. Nothing happens right away, but I don't have time to focus long before I see a nord dressed in armor coming down the street sounding an alarm. Most everyone is running for shelter. Ratchet and Clank are just watching him, I am there with them wondering what is happening. The guard comes over when he sees we aren't running and says the goblins are attacking, everyone who can't fight needs to seek shelter. Ratchet asks who said he couldn't fight. The guard pauses and then says no one. He says if Ratchet is willing and able to help, any assistance would be appreciated and surely rewarded as well as the guard is quite outnumbered. The guard pauses... then asks if Ratchet is a khajiit... he's never seen a khajiit quite like him. Ratchet says he's a lombax. The guard makes like he knows what that means, moves off a couple steps, then stops and says, "A what?" But Ratchet doesn't notice, he is heading in the direction the guard indicated the goblin attack is in. Clank follows after, jumping up into the air and somehow getting hold on Ratchet's back for a piggy back ride. I follow Ratchet and Clank down the street. We are going against the flow of the main crowd, but the crowd dwindles soon as we reach the edge of town. There is a wall there, and guards are closing the gate. Ratchet and Clank get through just before the gate closes. I just jump over the wall. The guards stare at that in surprise. I land next to Ratchet and Clank on the other side of the wall. There are large numbers of goblins running at the city. The guards, being quite outnumbered, are trying to hold them back. Most of the fighters are nords, but there are other races mixed in. I wonder if Urj'Jirr might be there somewhere since he had been looking for a fight. The goblins attack everyone equally. They don't care if their target is nord, khajiit, lombax, or robot... The goblins are many but not too bright. Ratchet throws a grenade bomb into a group of goblins. One of them picks it up and seems very interested in it right up to the point where it explodes in his hand and takes him out along with a few goblins right around him. No one pays the explosion much notice, as there are other explosions around caused by mages throwing fireballs. Ratchet jumps into the air, practically flying by using Clank as a jet pack and is dropping more bombs down among the goblins. I see one goblin actually try to eat one of them before it explodes. I form my arm into an Alex Mercer blade and enter into the fray, cutting a path through the attacking goblins. The fight is pretty chaotic, so I don't see a lot of details of what is going on. But I finally spot that there seems to be one person directing the attack… and for some reason it doesn't surprise me that the person is Robert de Sable. Robert is throwing balls of flaming dark energy at those who are fighting his goblins. He throws a dark fireball at a khajiit who has his back turned. The dark fireball is detonated by an energy blast that I track back to Ratchet's gun. The khajiit notices that and turns on Robert. That is my main target… so I head over there. I get closer and recognize that khajiit… it turns out that Urj'Jirr is there, and is now closing in on Robert de Sable. Robert is more focused on Ratchet right now and not paying any attention to Urj'Jirr. I get close enough for him to hear me. Robert says there is no reason Ratchet has to stay in one piece and prepares to throw a dark energy fire ball. Urj'Jirr is right behind him and says, "Urj'Jirr thinks the goblin lover should pick on someone his own size," and whacks him upside the head with a mace. Urj'Jirr then proceeds to pound Robert repeatedly with his mace. The mace isn't getting past a dark energy shield. Robert is laughing at the khajiit's attacks. He throws a dark energy fireball at Urj'Jirr. I use a biomass shield to block it, more of the blast hits Robert than Urj'Jirr. About three grenades land right in Robert's face and explode. Several arrows stick in Robert's back, I'm not sure where those came from. Yet Robert is still laughing. He says he is much too strong to be killed by such things. An aura of dark energy flames surrounds Robert. A blast of dark energy forces everyone in his near vicinity away from him. "HEY, ROBERT, YOU CHICKEN-WUSS!" I call out to Robert. He looks over at me and laughs some more. He just cleared the area around him, so I use the opportunity to use a ground spike attack on him from Alex Mercer's arsenal of attacks. Robert teleports over closer to Urj'Jirr, who attacks him immediately. Robert laughs at the khajiit and then says there is chaos here… his work is done. He disappears in a blast of dark energy that throws Urj'Jirr about 20 feet in my direction. " Urj'Jirr says Robert is a coward…" and then calls out, "Come back and fight, coward! Come back and face Urj'Jirr like a warrior instead of hiding like a cave rat!" But Robert doesn't respond. He is gone yet again. I run over to where he disappeared and focus on opening a portal to follow him. A portal opens and I jump through it. He is not getting away this time. Urj'Jirr follows right behind me. Wtf? That's the last thing I needed… some khajiit following me to some random dimension. On the other side I look around a forested landscape. I see no sign of Robert. Urj'Jirr is also looking around in a puzzled manner. Urj'Jirr asks where Robert has gone, then yells out again that Robert should come out and fight. I tell Urj'Jirr that Robert won't be coming out to fight… he really is too much of a coward. I know him well. And now I can't even follow him again, I have to take Urj'Jirr home. In fact, I shouldn't have followed him to begin with… I have to take Ratchet and Clank home. I curse to myself and open a portal back to the goblin battle. When I get there and Urj'Jirr follows me I see the battle is pretty much over. Without their leader, most of the goblins have turned around and headed back to their caves. Urj'Jirr looks around and then heads over to help out the imperial I saw him with earlier. I look around to see where Ratchet and Clank are. I finally spot them not too far off. I head over in their direction, at least they're ok. So it should be as simple as returning them home. I get over to Ratchet and Clank and tell them I can still get them back home. Clank is wanting to know how they got here in the first place. I tell him someone has been doing that a lot, though I'm not sure what his goal is… still got to find that out… or just take the idiot out… I focus on opening a portal to Ratchet and Clank's home world. A portal opens and I look through into a futuristic looking city. It looks like the right place. Ratchet and Clank finally go through the portal just before everything fades and I wake up.
01/08/13 Ratchet and Templars I am in a strange place. I look around to see where I am. It looks like a futuristic city of some kind. There are cars flying in the air and robots intermingling with the people. Additionally, the people look like they are various races from various planets. I look around and watch the variety of people and robots, completely disoriented and confused. I turn around and start walking in a direction I feel drawn in. As I do so I almost trip over a smaller robot that happens to be standing right behind me. Oops… I look down at the robot and absently apologize and say excuse me. The robot is about two feet tall and has glowing green eyes. The robot speaks, he says not to worry about it in a pleasant voice. I am still feeling disoriented, so I turn around to walk away from the robot and walk into someone else. I curse silently at myself that I really need to watch where I'm going. This time I have walked into an alien, though I guess I am not really certain that he is the alien… maybe on this planet I am the alien. The alien is covered in fur and has large pointed ears. He stands a bit shorter than me, probably about five feet tall. Some of his facial features look a bit cat-like, though his eyes are more human like, a bit larger than normal compared to the size of his face, and they are green. He is looking at me with a rather surprised look on his face. He says to watch where I'm going, but doesn't really sound upset. I tell him I'm sorry and then head off to my left after making sure I'm not about to walk into anyone else. I have been waiting for my head to clear, but it has in fact gotten worse. I have quite a headache, so I sit down up against a light pole not far off. I close my eyes and lean back against the pole. I wait a couple minutes for my head to clear, which starts happening. I hear footsteps in front of me and then I hear the voice of the robot from earlier. He says excuse me, then asks if I am ok. He says he couldn't help but notice my vital signs are not normal. I open my eyes and see the small robot looking at me, the covers on his eyes like eyelids give him a concerned expression. Somewhere in my mind I am becoming lucid, and my spontaneous response is that nothing about me is normal… but thanks, I'll be fine. The alien I walked into earlier comes up behind the robot and asks what is going on, he calls the robot Clank. Now I can see he has a rather long tail with a tuft at the end of it and is colored like an orange tabby cat. My head is clearer and now I am feeling more embarrassed than disoriented. I pull myself to my feet, willing my head to stay clear. Now the place smells like a fart. A rancid fart. I look around and see the alien is also sniffing the air. He looks over at me and is apparently thinking the same thing, because he says it wasn't him, he thought it was me. People around us are now pointing up, screaming, and running around. The robot and the alien look up, I hear the alien ask what that is. I look up and see a space ship hovering over the city. The smell gets worse, causing me to feel light headed again. There is a blinding flash of light and then darkness. I regain consciousness to find I am hanging upside down. I look up and see I am suspended by an energy tether. Hanging upside down has caused blood to flow to my head, and my mind is now clear. I look around and see there are others there with me. The first one I notice is a large, stupid looking guy dressed in green spandex… ugh… Qwark… from the Ratchet and Clank video game series. He has somehow become tangled up in his energy tether. He is hanging like a fish caught in a net. I can't help but laugh at that. On the other side of me is the alien from earlier… Ratchet… and the small robot from earlier… Clank. Qwark struggles pointlessly and ends up even more entangled. He announces that he is almost loose. I laugh again. He gives me a dirty look and asks what I'm laughing at. Apparently Ratchet has noticed Qwark and is not happy to see him. He is pissed off that Qwark is still alive when Ratchet claims to have blown him to pieces. Qwark says he cannot die. He adds that when he gets loose he'll be the one to get out of there, while Ratchet and his little trash can will be stuck there. He wiggles some more and then ends up with his face practically up his own butt. I end up laughing more. He says he sees I can't take my eyes off of him… and he can't blame me considering how good looking he is. I think I might vomit now. He says we can get out of here together and go somewhere that we can be alone. I do vomit. Some gross dark reddish stuff splatters on the floor below. I wonder what the fuck I have been eating to puke up stuff that looks like that. It's moving. I can control it. Of course. It's biomass. My biomass. I am no longer human in the dream state, I am more like Alex Mercer… I am a virus. Qwark has gone silent now and is looking at my vomited biomass with a grossed out look on his face. Ok… use the biomass. It forms a tendril and reaches over to a control panel at the edge of the room. I use the tendril to operate the controls and deactivate the tethers. Ratchet falls on his face. Clank drops slowly using a rotor like a helicopter. Qwark lands right on his head with a loud crack and falls over, dazed. His face is still practically up his own ass. I land on my face. My biomass returns to me and I reabsorb it. Ratchet gets up quickly and pulls a huge wrench type thing from… um… I'm not sure where from… and charges at Qwark with it. He completely ignores Clank saying maybe we should find a way out of here first and starts pounding the shit out of Qwark. For the first few hits Qwark doesn't respond at all, perhaps still dazed from landing on his head. When he finally does respond, he responds like a total wuss and curls up into a ball. Ratchet is telling him to get up and fight back! Qwark says he would but he sprained an ankle in that fall. Maybe they should arrange a match later… I ignore that for a bit and then I notice there is quite a bit of blood. That strikes me as odd at first… there's no blood in the Ratchet and Clank games… But this isn't a game. Ratchet is still pounding on Qwark, maybe even harder than before, and there is blood spattering everywhere. Clank seems a bit stunned and is keeping his distance. Is Ratchet actually trying to kill the idiot? Maybe… but he doesn't stay a bad guy. He'll always be stupid, but not evil. For that to happen he has to stay in one piece. So I stand up and use a tendril to pull Ratchet off of Qwark. Ratchet turns around and starts attacking my tendril. Qwark peeks out of his ball hesitantly. Ratchet sticks his wrench weapon somewhere, still not sure where… hammer space? Up his ass? Then he pulls a large gun out of the same nowhere. I see that just in time to use a second tendril to take it away before Ratchet blasts a huge hole in Qwark's face. Ratchet reaches for the gun but my tendril pulls it out of reach quickly. Qwark is trying to get up but he seems to be pretty badly hurt and collapses again. He says something about a maniac but I can't quite understand him. Ratchet is telling me to let go of him. I ignore him for now, trying to think what the situation is. I hear a clanking noise by my feet. I look over and see Ratchet smirking at me. There is an explosion that knocks me against the wall. I look back over at Ratchet and see him throw another bomb in my direction, I use biomass to surround it and contain the explosion. Instead of a big boom this one makes more of a pop crossed with a poof. Ratchet is clearly pissed at me and asks who I am and why am I working with Qwark. I tell him I'm not working with anyone, and if he would cut it out for just ten fucking minutes I could figure out what was going on. Something is clearly not right, and I would have to figure out what had happened BEFORE someone gets pounded into a bloody pulp or blasted to bits. Ratchet tries to pull away from my tendril for a bit and then finally reluctantly says he'll stop attacking Qwark… for now. My tendril releases him. I look at the gun in my other tendril for a bit, wondering again where Ratchet had kept it before taking it out. I decide maybe I don't want to know. I figure he probably has several more anyway, so I return it to its owner. He puts it away and just glares over at Qwark. I watch Ratchet for a bit longer to be sure he is going to stick to his word, then back to figuring out what is going on. Apparently someone from outside the dimension has been screwing things up. Who would do that? The first name into my mind is Robert de Sable. Templars. They have tried to screw up other dimensions before. By killing random Altaïrs, passing out dark energy to people who can't handle it. And he would surely be watching. "ROBERT!" I call to him, "ROBERT DE SABLE! SHOW YOURSELF, YOU FLAKEY CHICKEN-WUSS!" I get no answer, though everyone there is now staring at me. Qwark has managed to move around a bit to position himself so that I am between him and Ratchet. I give him my best version of Vegeta's "That's pathetic." look. Clank asks who this Robert de Sable is. I tell him that Robert is the one I think is responsible for this. A Templar bastard that loves fucking things up in other dimensions for some unknown reason. Well, this should be easy enough to fix. Just send everyone back to where they belong, starting with Qwark, since his presence is the most likely to create issues… and I don't want to look at him. I focus on opening a portal to where Qwark should be. Nothing happens. Damn it! They're blocking portals, now I am completely convinced it is Robert. Why do Templars always have to do things the hard way? Qwark says something quietly to me about needing nanotech. I ask what that is, then I remember it is for healing. I say I got something better… but he'd better not do anything stupid. It occurs to me that I am doing something stupid by expecting someone as stupid as Qwark to refrain from doing something stupid. So after reiterating that I don't want Qwark to do anything stupid (as if repeating it would help) I use some healing energy on him. That gets me a dirty look from Ratchet but nothing more. It gets a very interested look from Clank. I scan the area to see if I can find any sign of Robert. I can sense his energy in the area. I am locking in on it when I see Qwark is doing something stupid. He has moved around the outside edge of the circular room a bit. I'm not sure if he is trying to get behind Ratchet or trying to leave the room, neither one is ok. I use a tendril to put Qwark on a leash around his waist. He pulls at the tendril but my virus makes me stronger than him. I comment that I guess expecting him to refrain from doing something stupid is expecting way too much. There is a definite pause before he gives me a dirty look. Ratchet seems amused, though. Back to scanning for Robert. Found him. I focus on teleporting him into the room. That works. Robert de Sable appears in front of me. He looks at me in an annoyed manner. He asks if I have to stick my nose in everywhere it doesn't belong. I tell him he is the one that needs to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. But there won't be any wasting time this time. Consume Robert and find out what the Templars are up to. I wrap tendrils all around Robert and prepare to consume him. But there is nothing there! Robert isn't really there, he is just an illusion! A hologram created from Robert's own energy frequency to make him initially look real. I ask if he is seriously too much of a pathetic chicken-wuss to come out and show himself. He says he knows perfectly well what I can do now, and he's not just going to let me do it. He says he is sorry he has to go so quickly, but he has other places to attend to. He says I can't be everywhere at once and then laughs before the image vanishes. I yell at him to come back here, you flakey jerk! But he is gone. Qwark says Robert must have been afraid to face him. It's a good thing I was holding him back or he would have showed that robber a thing or two. I repeat the name to Qwark… Not robber, Robert. Robert de Sable. And you might have killed him… he just might have died laughing. He looks at me blankly. I just roll my eyes. With Robert gone, I try to open a portal. Still nothing. It looks like we'll have to get out of here the old fashion way. I access the computer. The good news is we're still in the right dimension. Different galaxy, but there is a wormhole within range that would get all of us back to Ratchet and the others' home galaxy. And there are ships docked in the landing bay that can make the trip since there's no way everyone can fit in my Fire Valkyrie. Well Ratchet and Clank would fit in the one extra seat… and I could always strap Qwark to the roof… my Penticon could surround him with a force field to keep him alive… I chuckle to myself, but that stops short when the dream seems to become unstable. Am I going to wake up now? Now isn't a good time for me to disappear. I have the idea that Qwark would ditch Ratchet and Clank behind if given the slightest chance, and Ratchet would blow Qwark to subatomic particles if he got his chance first… I focus and manage to stabilize the dream. I look around and see Ratchet is looking at me really strangely. He asks if I am ok, he said I turned transparent there for a bit. Clank says his sensors detected a dimensional anomaly, but it is gone now. Ok, well the other three can get home just fine using one of the ships in the docking bay. The only problem would be making sure they work together. I look between Qwark and Ratchet, I figure Clank would be reasonable about it. I know Qwark doesn't stay a bad guy throughout the series, he changes. So let's just make that happen a tiny bit sooner. I focus on the song Touch My Heart to restore the spark inside Qwark to a flame, it isn't hard to do since it was intended to happen on its own anyhow. I think it's a good thing I can fix evil, now too bad I can't fix stupid. Usually a healing spell also affects the way others respond to the person I healed, but just to make sure I send some positive energy through Ratchet as well. Clank didn't seem to think anything about what I was doing to Qwark, but he wants to know what I am doing to Ratchet… I tell him it's a good thing, positive energy. Don't worry, it'll make him feel good. Clank watches closely, but doesn't say anything when he sees Ratchet has no negative reaction. Qwark looks disoriented, though. He is muttering something about helping Chairman Drek meant he hadn't become the hero he'd wanted to be, instead he'd been a villain… I comment if it means anything, I think he was more of a hindrance to Drek than a help. He seems to like that idea at first and then gives me a strange look. I feel the dream slipping again, and I barely manage to stabilize it. Ratchet says it happened again, I almost disappeared. Clank says that was also when the dimensional anomaly returned. I tell him I know what is happening, it's no big deal, but I have to hurry. I have a computer chip in my head… and its going to download some files directly to Clank. Basically the location of the docking bay and how to get there while encountering as few of the aliens that own this ship as possible… I have a feeling they will be hostile when encountered. And also it contains the location of the wormhole back to their galaxy. It also has the location where they need to drop Qwark off to minimize the effect this mess has on the timeline. Clank seems to understand all of that just fine. Ratchet wants to know if I'm sure they can trust Qwark. I tell him I am a soul healer, I healed some negativity in Qwark's heart so yeah, he can be trusted to not be an asshole. I add that if I could only heal stupid then everything would be great. I am trying to think if there is anything else I need to do before I wake up, but then the dream becomes unstable again. This time I can't stop it… I wake up.
12/19/13 Ratchet and Clank: Assassin's Creed Version I am in a strange place. I look around, but I don't recognize anything about it. It looks like a different planet. There are green plants, a flowing stream, and blue skies, but the plants look foreign to me. If it were just the plants then I might just be in a kind of forest I have never seen, but there are two moons hanging in the sky, and that confirms that I am definitely on a different planet. I have no idea why I might be here so I start wandering around. I walk over to the stream and look into the water. The water is so clear that I can see the bottom. It looks clearer than any stream I have seen in my waking life. I walk away from the stream and continue exploring. There are some animals that scurry out of my path before I get a good look at them. Without really thinking about it I call out to them that I won't hurt them, come back so I can see them. Of course they don't respond. I follow a path that runs alongside the stream as it goes through a canyon and into another clear area where there is a lake. I walk over beside the lake and sit down. Maybe Avalon is telling me I need to go somewhere restful and relax for a while. This place certainly looks like it fits the bill. I look into the water where I see some golden fish with long flowing fins swimming around. It is definitely very relaxing. I hear a sound behind me but I don't pay any attention. I am too relaxed and the sound is pretty innocuous, so I am not alarmed. Then I get hit with a blast of unstable dark energy. The blast knocks me sprawling on my face. What the fuck? The effect of the unstable dark energy is that I am immediately pissed off. I jump to my feet and turn towards the source of the attack, ready to let loose an attack of my own against what I am assuming is a Templar. But there is no Templar… instead there is a rather short furry guy there. (Ratchet from Ratchet and Clank, but I don't recognize him.) He has large pointed ears and some cat-like features, and a long tail ending in a tuft like a lion. He is standing on 2 feet like a person and has a big gun in his hands that is pointed at me. He looks pissed off. My first response is to ask, "Who the fuck are…" but he fires another blast from the gun, also dark energy. Ok… now I think slicing him into pieces is definitely in order… but something inside me tells me that is just the unstable energy talking, he is probably attacking me due to being infected with the dark energy he is using. So I look away from him, reciting some Disturbed lyrics to stabilize my energy. "I've held on too long just to let it go now. Will my inner strength get me through this somehow? Defying a curse that has taken hold, never surrender, I'll never be overcome." I feel the dark energy stabilize and join my own supply of dark energy. The furry guy asks what I have done with some 'him' that I have no idea what he is talking about. I send a tendril (Witchblade? Viral powers?) out to snag the gun away from him. That is unexpected and I get the gun easily. I look back over at the furry guy who now looks like he expects me to turn around and shoot him with the gun. No… he has enough dark energy already. Instead I start poking around the weapon to find the dark shard that must power it. The furry guy is making fun of me for not knowing how to use my own weapon. I tell him this thing isn't mine… I am not paying attention to him, and he pulls out a smaller gun and shoots the one I took from him. It explodes in my hands. I comment that I guess that's one way to get into it… My white Assassin's robes are now black from the blast. I turn them back white. The furry guy doesn't seem to know what to do now, so he resumes demanding to know where someone named Clank is. I find the dark shard in the wreckage of the weapon. It is a genuine dark shard, and it looks like someone deliberately made it unstable. Whoever gave this guy this weapon definitely doesn't care who he exposes to the dark energy, though he may or may not have been specifically targeting this furry guy. I turn my attention back to the furry guy and ask him where he got the weapon and the shard. I use my Eagle Vision to scan him for dark energy. He has only a minimal amount of it in him. He should be ok. He says the same person that told him what I did to Clank… now where is he? I ask him if the person who gave him the gun bothered telling him that the energy it uses is very dangerous and will corrupt and destroy anyone and anything it comes in contact with, including the person wielding it? He seems to hesitate a bit at that as if maybe questioning the person who had given him the gun. While he is pausing, I add that I have no idea who this Clank person is. Maybe I shouldn't have said that because it seems to get him upset again. He said my friend has already given me away. I ask what friend? Did the coward even give a name before sending someone else off to do his dirty work? The furry guy pauses again, then says the person's name is Robert. I do a double take, then ask if he means Robert de Sable? He says I do know who he's talking about. He says Robert told him I have Clank, and he wants him back now! I can't help but laugh… which isn't good, it just pisses the furry guy off more… I force myself to stop and then say Robert de Sable is a Templar. And there's an easy way to tell when a Templar is lying… their lips are moving! Of course he doesn't know what a Templar is. I add that Robert himself is probably the one who kidnapped Clank! Now that the puzzle seems solved to me, I call out to Robert de Sable. I am sure he must be in the area to see if his plan has worked. "He, Robert! Come out and show yourself, you chicken-wuss! And bring back Clank with you!" I get no response. The furry guy is looking around to see if anyone answers. I loudly call Robert a chicken-wuss a few more times. No response. I tell the furry guy that I absolutely did not do anything with his friend Clank… and if the Templar bastards did, I will make sure and get him back. I return to addressing Robert, "Hey, Robert, you chicken-wuss! Come out and play! Or don't you have the balls to face me?!" I tell the furry guy that is a common aspect of Templars… the lack of balls in the males. I say it loudly enough for Robert to hear if he is listening. I comment to the furry guy that when Robert first met my friend Altaïr, he shit his pants. The furry guy says he doesn't care about Robert and Altaïr, he just wants Clank back! I tell him Clank could show up at any time… Robert is probably scared of him. I say this hoping Clank is a little guy that couldn't hurt a fly so I will be implying Robert is a mega-chicken-wuss. I tell the furry guy that I'm surprised Robert had the balls to approach him! I've seen Robert running in terror from a kitten… Finally it seems Robert has had enough. He comes from behind a strange tree and looks pissed. He says us Assassins are the ones that sneak around in the dark. I tell him at least there has never been an Assassin so afraid to do his own mission that he tricks a… um… I point at the furry guy, who seems surprised I've never seen a lombax before. I tell him I am from very, very far away. I continue taunting Robert, no Assassin is so afraid to do his own mission that he tricks some lombax into doing his dirty work while he hides in fear! I ask him if he really thought that dark energy gun would kill me. He is mad now, and he blurts out a lot. He says the gun wasn't supposed to kill me! He says I was supposed to blast that damn lombax into subatomic particles and feed my negative energy to grow to astronomical proportions… He says I have already said I wanted to do it, so why didn't I do it?! I tell Robert to lay off the drugs… I don't even know this lombax… however I'd be glad to blast Robert into subatomic particles… bit by bit until he produces Clank. Of course now the lombax is pissed off at Robert instead of me. Robert is ignoring him. Robert seems shocked that I say I don't know the lombax. He is having a child's tantrum. He says I was the one who was planning out a hundred and one ways to kill Ratchet the Lombax! Ratchet… Clank… I curse myself silently for not realizing the source game sooner, but then it's not even a game I have played! I am trying to figure out the easiest way to find out what Robert knows about the location of Clank. Probably to just consume him. Take care of two problems. Find Clank, and no more Robert de Sable. Now to keep him distracted while I get a bit closer… I see the lombax… Ratchet… is now looking at me strangely, probably in response to Robert's claiming I was coming up with a hundred and one ways to kill him. I remember having negative energy last night, and that will often focus itself in seemingly random directions, but I have no interest attacking Ratchet now. I focus my attention back on Robert… slowly closing the distance between us. I have to manage to consume him before he can disappear like he has a habit of doing. I act like I pity Robert. I say he should know my negativity from waking life doesn't affect me in the dream state… you silly Templar. Now stop screwing things up in dimensions where he doesn't belong… which would be all of them! I see movement, Ratchet has disappeared from sight. That surprises me that he would leave without knowing if Robert has Clank. I decide it doesn't matter, I have ways of finding him if I recover Clank. Back to Robert. Move closer. I get closer still. Robert says I might as well give up, all the Assassins should give up, there is no way the Assassins can… GAAH! Robert is on fire! His cape and robes flare up as if he was soaked in gasoline. What the… then I see Ratchet behind him pointing a gun of some kind at Robert. Robert turns around to see what just happened, blazing with fire, but no doubt being protected from serious harm by his dark energy. He is now raging at Ratchet, saying there won't be so much as a scrap of fur left… now! He's distracted! I rush at Robert and extend viral tendrils to wrap around and consume him. He turns and glares at me, calling me a fool and saying there's nothing I can do to hurt him! But I am already consuming him! It's working! But then there is an explosion of dark energy that sends me flying backwards to slam hard into a cliff. I hear him raging at me now. He says I need to keep my fucking freak tendrils to myself. I get up from the ground where I fell after hitting the cliff. I hear him laugh. He tells Ratchet that it is my fault that his friend is now scrap metal. He vanishes in a blast of black smoke. Ratchet runs out to where Robert was just standing, yelling at him to bring Clank back and more than a few expletives that would increase the age rating of the Ratchet and Clank games if it was included. "Come back here, you flakey jerk!" I yell after Robert. Damn! Gone again! Ratchet is yelling at me now, wanting to know where Robert went, saying he has to get Clank back before it's too late! Find Robert. I use Through the Never focused on locating Robert and Clank. My portal is being pulled in two different directions and doesn't form. So Robert doesn't have Clank… at least not right now. Ratchet seems to be very worried about Clank, so I focus the portal on him. A portal opens. I see through the portal to where there is a strange looking robot that looks like it was built by idiots… maybe by Templars. I also see Clank there, though he appears to be shut down. The robot looks surprised to see my portal open. He looks through and sees me and asks who the fuck I am. I tell him that is not important… the important thing is that he hand over that little robot behind him. He says it's not going to happen. I get pissed off at this guy quickly. "Listen here, you clinking clanking clattering collection of caliginous junk! I am not in the mood to be fucked with! Now step aside or be recycled!" I send tendrils through the portal to wrap around Clank. I am pulling Clank through the portal when the other robot tries to grab him. Another tendril delivers an electrical shock directly to the robot making him let go. I pull Clank through the portal. I tell the robot on the other side to tell Robert de Sable that he'll have to do much better than this to get the Assassins to give up… and STOP FUCKING UP OTHER DIMENSIONS! He looks at me strangely and I hear him say, "Robert de WHO?" before the portal closes. I briefly hope I'm not the one fucking up the dimension by interfering where I don't belong… Oh, well… it's too late to do anything about it now. Ratchet doesn't help my questioning the effect I have had on this dimension when he says someone named Dr. Nefarious was sure pissed. "Doctor WHO? Is he a Templar?" Ratchet looks at me strangely. I look at the lifeless Clank. I access my Penticon chip and tell it to do a diagnostic scan. The Penticon responds that this is a simple system re-start, but he can recommend a few upgrades. I tell him Robert's and my presence in this dimension has interfered with things enough already without him leaving a super-computer version of Clank behind. Just fix him. There is some grumbling from the Penticon. Ratchet asks if Clank is ok. I tell him Clank will be fine, as soon as he wakes up. A short time passes and then Clank wakes up with some strange noises and beeps. I tell Ratchet that his friend should be fine now. I know I am about to wake up. I wonder what Robert thought to accomplish with this little mess he tried to make… I am not sure, all I know is where there are Templars there will be trouble close behind. I wake up.
05/17/13 Labyrinth of Darkness I am in a dark passage that looks like something out of a medieval dungeon. I am not exactly lucid, but I have the mindset that I am playing a video game. I somehow pull back and view my own character as if from outside. I am me, dressed in black Assassin's robes. I must be playing some new Assassin's Creed game. I go back to 1st person. I can sense where my target is, but this time it isn't a target to kill it's a target to rescue. If I can avoid being seen by the demons here I will be better off. This is a stealth mission. So I quietly sneak down the corridor, following the closest route to my target. I see movement down the corridor and I move into a dark alcove just in time to avoid being seen by a really ugly guard as he walks by. With my dark robes he doesn't notice me at all. He looks a bit like a human sized troll… and he smells worse. I continue down the corridor, watchful for any other guards. I hear the screams of someone being tortured. Is that my target? I might have to fight to get him out after all. I follow the direction of the screams for a bit and I realize I am going the wrong way. But I am close to the source of the screams now… I have to check it out. I peek through an open door into a torture chamber with all sorts of nasty indescribable devices. There is a bald man chained to one of those devices being tortured with fire by three more of the troll things. They laugh every time he screams. I plan to go into the room and try to stealth assassinate two trolls at once and then hopefully get the third before he raises an alarm. I am about to do that when what looks like a demon enters the room and tells the trolls to back down. They immediately hurry away into a corner as if they are afraid they will be next to be tortured. The demon addresses the prisoner as Robert de Sable and says he must apologize for this treatment. I do a double take… the prisoner is a Templar leader? The demon says someone must have made a mistake, he had left explicit orders for Robert to be brought directly to see him as he has a business proposition. The demon acts as if he has just realized Robert is in pain, and waves one taloned hand. The scene shifts. Robert is now standing in front of the demon, no longer chained, and his wounds are healed, and he is in his usual Templar armor, I can recognize him now. The demon says he wants Robert to work for him. Robert asks what if he doesn't want to. The demon says if the answer is no, he will simply go and leave Robert to his fate. The troll demons in the corner are muttering to each other. Robert immediately tells the demon not to go, he just wants to know what he would be doing for the demon. The demon grins evilly and says he only wants Robert to do what he likes to do best… kill Assassins. Robert mutters something about Altaïr. The demon laughs and says revenge against Altaïr may come later, but Robert's first target is actually one of Altaïr's descendents… an annoying Assassin by the name of Ezio Auditore. The demon says his power will allow Robert to crush Ezio like a small bug, but they would discuss details in a more suitable location. The trolls in the corner are hissing in anger, they want their prisoner back. The demon just glares at them and they cower back. Both the demon and Robert leave through an exit on the other side of the room. I think something should be done to keep them from going after Ezio, but I still believe I am playing a video game and I am not at a high enough level to challenge that demon. He would crush me like a small bug… So I make a mental note to find a way to help Ezio as I continue to track the target of my current mission. I finally find where my target is. A troll guard is standing by a prison cell door. I sneak quietly over to the cell door and stealth assassinate the troll guard with my hidden blade, charging the blade with light energy in order to make it more effective. I use a Harry Potter spell alohamora to unlock the cell door and I go inside. There is a man huddled in the corner under white robes. Is he an Assassin? He is my target. I go over and tell him I'm there to get him out. He says if he had any strength he could open a portal. I focus on transferring some energy to him. He looks up at me, now looking more like a wizard than an Assassin. He stands and opens a portal. I can see it leads to somewhere green and alive. He says to hurry before the demons sense the portal, they hate it when someone escapes the Dark Realm. He goes through the portal but before I can follow him I wake.
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