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I tried an OBE this morning. I tried to have an OBE but instead I had an accidental WILD. In fact, a very, very long one. It went like this:
I wake up at seven. I did stuff till eight. I get back into bed and try an OBE. Eventually I become deeply relaxed and there is tons of hypnagogic imagery. It starts distant and unclear but it gets very vivid as time goes by. Then, my mind just explodes with hypnogonia. Visuals everywhere! I hear tons of voices. Then I see flashes of my room as if I can see through my eyelids. Then I see my laptop in front of me, and only that. By this time the voices are at their peak. They were completely understandable. I can hear word for word. Only there were so many voices I couldn't listen to them all. Then voices of two people I know started talking to me. They started calling out my name over and over. I get the feeling that their frustrated at me for not replying. At some point I also heard a huge BOOM/BANG! I think, Ahmed has gotten these bang sounds before! After that VIBRATIONS, never ending vibrations. I get two small waves like when I had my first OBE. I have that thought while its happening. But then a third wave comes and it does not end. It keeps going and going. Im thinking, When is this gonna end? All of a sudden I'm in sleep paralysis. I try to separate, but I fail. Then I open my eyes. I see my room and I am lost for words. The first thing I noticed was the color. I won't try to describe the colors. The next thing I noticed was how the door wasn't where it is normally. But then I saw another door where it always was. There were two. There was a huge window across from my bed. It was like a replication of my room on some alien star ship. Everything was sooooo different yet the same. It spooked me a bit, the way it looked; it was dark and alien-ly sinister. Then I thought, shadow beings? There were none. Then I started to get dragged from my bed. I thought, whatever, just go with the flow. I was then pulled into the space between my bed and my bedside table/drawer thing. I felt my body curl up into the space. I then close my eyes. I try to separate but fail. I open my eyes again I see the same room and everything that happened before happens again. Only this time I am pulled into the wall closest to me. All I see is a strange green-grey. I am unable to move or separate. Seeing no progress will be made now, I want to wake up. This way I'll at least be able to remember all this clearly and write it down, or as I am now, typing it. I try so hard to move. I cant, no matter how hard I try. I think back to what Nicholas Newport said. I try breathing fast and hard. It works; I wake up. I sit in bed and start to think about everything that just happened. I suddenly realize that all of this was not a failed OBE. In fact, I had achieved a WILD without realizing it. I was aware the whole time but I thought I was going through a failing OBE. I failed to tell the difference between an OBE and a lucid dream. It was all a dream starting from the vibrations. I was aware make no mistake, but I had treated everything as if I was on the path to an OBE. I get out of bed wondering how much time has passed. I change my shirt because the one I was wearing smelled.( In waking life it really did smell) I take a moment to decide which shirt I will wear. Whether it'll be the one that I had over my eyes or something else. I then walk out of the room. On my way I look out the window and notice it's dark. This confuses me. I wonder, How long have I been here? I walk into the living room and see my mom and my sister on the couch. Nothing new here. I exchange a few words with my mom but didn’t pay attention to what she was saying. My focus was on the leather coffee table next to us. There was something moving inside of it. I go, Oh! That’s where the mice are living. I hope my mom doesn’t notice. She does and I wake up. For real this time. I think back and realize I had experienced a false awakening. But the conclusions I made in my false awakening about the WILD and how I treated it like an OBE remained true.

If the first sign of craziness is going crazy in dreams then I'm screwed.

Cut Cut Slash Slash

I was in Dread's room. Dread, Jin, and I were watching TV.

I start hearing voices.

They are voices of demons talking to me telling me that they are going to kill my friends.

What the serious fuck?

The voices of the demons tell me that they are coming. They tell me that there are three of them and there isn't any escaping my fate. They will kill my friends and then me.

I want to leave.

Dread and Jin ask me what's going on, but I'm too ashamed to tell them.

I look around the room. I'm seeing faces everywhere. They don't exist but my mind is picking up on patterns and translating them into faces.

I see the face of a burnt doll in Dread's closet.



I want to leave now.

The doll smiles wickedly and tells me that it is the first demon and the more powerful of the other two.

Dread and Jin take me back to my parent's house, sensing that something wasn't right with me.

When I come home, I find that we are celebrating someone's birthday. I look out the window of the front porch and see two little kids playing together. They are probably three or four years old.

When my mom sees them, she invites them inside. I instantly sense that there is something malignant about these children. The little girl is playing with a lighter and the little boy is just standing there strangely.

My mom puts the cake on the table. The little girl takes out her lighter and tries to light the candles.

I'm freaking out. I'm convinced that the little girl is one of the demons that the voices had talked about, and that she is a pyromaniac and wants to light the house on fire so that people die.

Everyone is telling me to calm down but I can't. I want the two little children to leave. I want everyone to leave. I want to leave.

I feel like there's something wrong with my brain. I can't tell if I am so delusional that my reality is completely warped or if what I am experiencing is true intuition telling me to leave. Nothing makes sense anymore.

After the birthday party, the little girl kills Dread and Jin. At least that's what I perceived to happen.

I run down the stairs and tell my mother that I am leaving now. I can't take this anymore! I don't know where I am going but it at least won't be here!

She gives me a strange look.

I try to explain what just happened but she looks completely perplexed.

I'm not even sure of what just happened, but I'm in a total state of disarray.

I get in the car.

But not before checking it twice.

I'm completely paranoid that the little demon boy is following me. I'm still seeing faces everywhere so I can't tell what's real or not. I catch a glimpse of a face in the trunk. The little boy was trying to come along with me.

I removed him from the trunk. He then killed my mother.

If I wasn't experiencing a psychotic break before, I was now.

I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what was real or not. Voices were screaming at me and luring me into places. Everything wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill myself before the last demon could kill me.

I took a bottle of sleeping pills and laid down on my bed hoping it would all be over soon. I just wanted to die.

I watch as the last demon comes up to me. She has grown from her original doll size to the size of a large child. Her face still looks burnt and contorted.

I can't tell if I am hallucinating or not.

With a small burst of energy, I shove the remaining sleeping pills down her throat.

Fuck this. I don't feel like dying tonight.

I don't have any weapons except safety scissors. That'll do.

With all of my force, I stab the safety scissors into her skin. I can barely rip her skin. The safety scissors aren't sharp enough.

She laughs wickedly.

I shove her to the ground and start stabbing her with the scissors. I want to cut her heart out. I don't want this to be the way I die.

She just keeps laughing maniacally.

She tells me that even if I manage to kill her she will just come back for me again. And again. And again. And again.

She has been partially disfigured by the safety scissors but it's not enough. I'm feeling the effects of the pills. Shit. The pain began to build up and I was going in and out of consciousness while she continued to laugh.

Fuck you.

With the only energy I had remaining, I shoved the scissors through her heart. She was silenced.

And so was I.

I had another odd dream last night. This time, it was just a clock whose time kept rapidly changing.

There were some voices in the background, a few of which sounded familiar, but only one of which I could place. oddly enough, it was Applejack...

They were talking about their faith in humanity being lost.

The entire dream gave me an odd feeling of being in danger.

This confuses me because I don't think I'm prone to having dreams like this.

Dead Flesh
I am in my own room at night with the lights out, but it is darker than it normally is. The shadows seem to be pressing in on me from all directions, pressing in with an actual physical force. For some reason I become especially aware of my own breathing… and it seems harder than normal to breathe. It is almost painful to breathe. I hear something around me that sounds like voices whispering, I hear the voices but they are whispering too quietly to hear what they are saying. Dead flesh. The voices are talking about dead flesh… yuck… A voice in my ear speaking. Look around, do you think this is real? It isn't! A voice in the other ear. You think you're real? You're not, nothing is real. Another voice right at the back of my head… All you are is an accidental bit of electricity sent through a mass of brain tissue at just the right way to imitate a conscious mind. A pulse of light through the dark, there and then gone completely. A flicker of energy contained in a mass of dead flesh. The voices are all around now, I can't really tell where they are coming from. You are a chunk of dead flesh, animated for a brief time, dying from the day it is brought into existence. You didn't exist before this slab of meat was created, nor will you exist after it decays. The flesh could crumble tonight… or tomorrow night… or 20 years from now… or even longer, but it will break down. Anything I can try to do, am I really going to con myself into thinking it matters? I tell the voices to shut up. DEAD FLESH! You are not a conscious being… DEAD FLESH! You are a chunk of matter waiting to decay… DEAD FLESH! Pathetic physical mass of DEAD FLESH! Should I treat this flesh as a temple? DEAD FLESH! As a garbage bin? DEAD FLESH! What does it matter? DEAD FLESH! It will only make a difference of a couple short years… DEAD FLESH! If it makes a difference at all, that is. DEAD FLESH! All you are is flesh. DEAD FLESH! Flesh is all you are. DEAD FLESH! Go ahead, make up fantastic tales of far off worlds! DEAD FLESH! Use them to comfort yourself… DEAD FLESH! To keep yourself from realizing that all of life is puny and worthless! DEAD FLESH! And when the body decays into DEAD FLESH! It will be as if you never existed at all! DEAD FLESH! Look! DEAD FLESH! It's started already! DEAD FLESH! I look and see there are bugs crawling on my arm. I brush them off, and underneath the bugs my skin is turning a sickly gray color, the color of decay. DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! The voices keep going, I want to get the gross stuff off. I go to the shower and turn on the water, run it over my injury. DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! The flesh itself washes off of my arm to reveal the bone beneath. The bone itself starts to crumble, the voices keep chanting and chanting… DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! DEAD FLESH! Then I finally wake up in bed… and the first thing I think to say is, "Come forth to me now, all ye seekers of the dead flesh." I speak this into the darkness before I stop and sit there wondering, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!"

Fusion Healing
I am in a strange place with MoSh, it looks like a house, but it is a home I don't remember ever seeing before. I look around and I see there is a bedroom there, there is a woman there I don't recognize. MoSh clearly recognizes her, though. MoSh goes over to her and starts trying to talk to her, but she seems so despondent, not even turning to look at MoSh when he speaks. MoSh looks over to me and says he needs help to heal her, he's not sure what to do. He's not sure how to help her. I know healing spells, so I go over to the woman and start using a song by Evanescence called My Last Breath. She is paying no more attention to me than she had been to MoSh. Completely unresponsive. I look back over at MoSh, not sure what to do. MoSh is the one who knows this woman… my energy is needed for healing… so what would be needed is a combination of MoSh's and my energies, maybe that would get her attention. I go over to MoSh and I say we have to help her together, he says that is ok, he will do whatever he can to help. So I fuse with MoSh… somehow this seems completely normal, in fact nothing here has seemed odd enough to trigger me to do a RC… I/MoSh go back over to the woman, who has been completely oblivious to anything happening, she is still staring off into the same distant nothingness as she was a short time ago. I go for the same song, trying to work it again. "Hold on to me, luv… you know I can't stay long. All I wanted to say is I love you and I'm not afraid. Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your heart?" Now she seems to be responding, she reaches out her hands and I/MoSh take them in my/his hands. She is now looking into my/MoSh's eyes, no longer gazing into some distant abyss. A white light radiates out of me/MoSh, the light flows through the woman, making her entire body glow and seem to float a bit off of the ground. She seems oblivious to the fact she is now floating, but she has not gone back into her trance, she is completely fixated on my/MoSh's eyes, looking so intensely as if she can see all the way into my/MoSh's soul… I wonder which soul she sees… or does she see both? The two of us/them are lying down on the bed, this is going somewhere I don't belong, so I pull out of MoSh. The spell is complete anyhow. They play around a bit on the bed, the woman is still glowing with the white energy. I am hit with an unexpected loneliness… an emptiness in my heart that goes all the way into my soul. A voice is speaking behind me, the voice is cold and emotionless. Soul? What soul? You have no soul, fool, there is no such thing as a soul… you are nothing but a mass of dead flesh. A chance gathering of matter, a figment of some other dreamer's dream, of someone else's mind, and soon when my body decays I will be gone. I turn around and demand to know who is saying that. I notice MoSh and the woman turn to stare at me. I guess I am acting really strange now… A voice in my mind keeps repeating, "You are DEAD FLESH! You are DEAD FLESH! You are DEAD FLESH!"