Recent DJ Posts

A tragic dream befell me last night. The focal point seemed to be the death of my mother. I dreamt I was on the phone with her, and she was having trouble breathing. I did not know the reason for this, but it became clear that she was dying. Her death and aftermath lingered throughout the remainder of this dream. I had many conflicting emotions: a mix of profound sadness, bitterness, anger, resentment, and most of all confusion. It was an extremely vivid dream, unfortunately. The feeling of it was potent. I wish I had recorded this dream sooner, as there were many other factors at play that I cannot now recall. At a certain point, I believe I was also having breathing trouble in the dream (perhaps irl too while sleeping), and felt that I too would experience a similar fate to that of my mother's. I am not sure what to make of this dream. All I know is I want to speak to my mother soon and let her know I love her. I know there are a great many things relating to childhood trauma I have yet to address with both my parents. I have been feeling that it might be better to let our relationship stay amicable as it is now, and allow them to grow old believing they did a perfect job raising me. I believe they did their best of course, but I have things I would like to say to them, in an attempt to strengthen our relationship. But it would be hard... very hard to bring these things up. I believe I should probably talk to a therapist before having that conversation. I don't know if I would be able to handle more of these types of dreams...

Year three of the necessary and restorative retreat up in the Topanga hills of California with several of my closest friends. On Sunday, Meow Meow, whom I had just met for the first time at this retreat, noticed a book I was reading "Man and his Symbols," a work with an introduction by Carl Jung, and the subject matter of which (dreams, archetypes, etc.) became the grounds for a brief conversation between us. She showed me the Jungian tattoo on her back, to which I took great interest. That night, I dreamt that all of us were sitting together outside during sunrise, and a pillow of fog began to envelope us on all sides. It was very similar to how the fog in the Lost Woods of the Breath of The Wild game would engulf Link if he strayed too far off the path. I also dreamt that after the fog started surrounding us, I began cuddling and making out with Lynn, one of the other friends who was with us on the retreat. The night before, we had all took MDMA and were snuggled up together very close, and I felt a profound attraction to her. But no kissing took place. Anyway, here's where it gets important. The morning after that dream, I began explaining the dream to my friend Shot, who immediately adopted a look of shock on his face. I explained it more to Meow Meow and Kai, who both explained that this exact thing happened to them this morning, as they had all stayed up till sunrise, long after I had gone to bed. They told me how the morning fog surrounded them as they were all sitting together, and they noted how much I would have loved this. They even considered going to wake me several times, but never did. Lynn had left the house before I woke up and I did not get a chance to say goodbye, but she texted me saying that my spirit was with them that morning. Clearly, it was. This synchronistic occurrence will live with me forever. I am still sort of in shock. I have a renewed love of dreams and synchronicity. I hope to keep up dream journaling more regularly now.

Am I WILD?

A world of warped shadow and feeble matter falls in and out of focus. Fingers are spider legs. "Dreaming." Stumble on no feet. Mumble through madness. Stability escapes me. Struggle to soar. The darkness pulls me down and down and down.

Yon the crush of defeat and the gnarled arms of naked trees... the stars are singing. Singing! Their voices like the tinkle of thin ice on breathing shores. They dance, cluster, and call to me. The world sighs brighter but only a bit. Focus on the lights, the celestial sights that beckon me to their heavenly embrace. Nothing feet push up. Set off from shadow, Set sight on the stars. With blissful speed I spin and swerve into eternity. "We're lucid," I sing to everything and to nothing. And because I am WILD, I freefall, fire and ice through the twinkling heart of darkness.