Recent DJ Posts

Sleep: I had a crazy weekend, it started with me waking up around 7:30 am on Friday, going to work, then have a dope project I can't disclose yet afterwards until midnight, then with an hour and a half worth of sleep I go to the airport and travel to Manchester, didn't sleep in the plane even though I tried. I stay awake in Manchester for the full 24 hours as I go drinking with my intrrnet friends, and go to an ambient festival from 7 pm until 4 am. I have a few moments where I put on sunglasses and sit down, closing my eyes for a bit. After the festival, without any accomodation, I just stay awake, getting to that hypnagogic hallucination stage, getting to the airport, having some brief 5-10 minute naps followed by some sleep in the plane, to arriving home and sleeping for 13 hours

My friends from high school are sitting outside ln a bench in the snow, arguing about a New Year's themed film featuring Timmy Turner's parents where the dad has an argument with the mom and he replaces the mom with a robot clone and it starts a discussion between my friends about what would be a great ending until one of the friends tells that the discussion is pointless saying it's not possible to have an ending that would please everyone for a story like that.

I ask my friends about their new year's plans, and they told me Tinder date now became Tinder dates because Tinder added a group chat function.

Dream was in Dutch.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some beach house with Riverstone and a couple of my cats and some friends, like Tânia. I hear that Jonh Blacksmith is also around and for some reason I am asked to accompany some kid to the place he s staying, to deliver a message. After doing so, I stay there to chat a little bit. But John is so very busy, going back and forth and in out of the room. Then he says he needs to go shower, but will come back, so I interpret that he wants me to wait. I stay but I fall asleep on his bed. I notice him coming in later on and getting dressed. He knows I am there but doesn't want to wake me up. He lookdearingly to me. I play with it and pretend to be on a light sleep and reposition myself to a cute sleeping pose. Then he goes out again and I think maybe he left because I was alseeep, so I get up to clear that up. I see myself in a mirror. I have a cute yellow ruffled dress and short hair, which all messy. So I tidy up a little bit and then he comes back again. He sees me picking up my stuff to leave, so he calls me on to stand in front of him and he says something nervously. I don't understand half of what he says but I feel the emotion in his words. He is saying that he loves me and wants to be with me and apparently he is free to do it. He starts crying like a baby, with snot in his nose and I also start crying and we embrace each other warmly. He points to inside the wardrobe and says something that I again have trouble understanding. I ask him to repeat and he says there is a portal in the wardrobe and we can jump through it and get out at some other place where someone he knows can marry us on the spot. I am like "Wait, no!" But some people we know start coming into the room to speak to him and they see him hugging me, so before they see my face and go spread the word about it, I agree to jump. So we jump. On the other side is a large room like an attic and there is some lady there. He explains that she can marry us right away and we can leave everything behind. That's when I get away from him and say "I am sorru but I can't, for better or for worse, I need to go back to my life." And all his plans shatter and I see all hope abandoning him. I loved our cathartic moment together, love the idea that we could have had it differently in a different life, but in this life it is not meant to happen.

I am friend or sister of Ana, who dates Christian Grey. One day she is helping me and Riverstone put stuff into our van and one of her exes passes by on the sidewalk with his snobbish new girlfriend. Ana says "Oh no!" when she sees them, but puts on a smile and says hello to them. The other woman mocks her, by saying she looks good but in a condescendent way. Ana plays it cool and says she is doing good. But the bitch laughs and replies "We can see you really moved up in life". We are really irritated, but we try not to bring up she is dating Christian because that would lowering to her level. In any case, I walk up to her and get my face near hers and say "Bitch, you have no idea. You'd be crying if you knew." She scoffs me off and they walk away. I know she'll eventually find out what I am talking about. Ana is about to get married to him and she'll be on every papparazzi magazine.
Then it's her wedding day and it is very bizarre. First we gather with some of his family in the UK, because his family is full of British nobility. They dress and behave funny, but all of them seem to be nice people. Christian finds Ana hiding in a corner, crying upset and wants to know what's going on. We tell him what happened some days before and how she is still struggling with it. He immediately wants to go confront the woman, but we talk him out of it. Instead we explain how it is to grow up poor, and no matter how much you work, you still never getting enough money to get out of poverty, and the anger that comes with it. And how it isn't remotely ok to shame others just because now you're rich, not due to any accomplishment, but just through marriage. First, because it ain't your money and second, because money should not define your worth in the eyes of anyone else. Therefore Ana is crying out of frustration because she wants to feel self worth for herself. Christian and a friend are listening to this attentively.
Then I leave them and join some other family members wbo are playing silly games. They say they are traditional and I mention they seem totally absurd. All the ladies, one by one, have to try to catch something that will be thrown, but it is not a bouquet, it can be anything else. I get hit by a cloud of sewing pins. I spend like an hour removing them from my chest and face. And even from some poor cat who got in the way when that happened. Then some other girl gets covered in darts, but she is ecstatic. I just think "What in the hell?"
Then there is a feast, but in the end there is so much wasted food, so I stay behind separating what is good to eat and compacting and separating packages for recycling, because I don't know if the servants will do so. I distribute wet bread outside in the garden for pigeons and other birds to eat, and I start putting packages of chips and other snacks in carton boxes and plastic bags and wondering how am I going to take this all on my plane trip back home.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With Nighthawk and Riverstone. We've been talking about this and that and Nighthawk says he misses me. He is sitting to my right and I hold hands with him, My heart is full and I drop one tear down my right cheek that only he can see, because Riverstone is to my left. Then the guys discuss something in private and Nighthawk leaves without even saying goodbye and I feel heartbroken. Riverstone says they talked about us all being together but him being afraid we would have to cut ties with everyone else and I say I don't care as long as we have each other. Then I spot him standing down the road, which goes down hill. Slowly he walks back to us and although we say nothing, my heart warms up again. Then we take to the train station to go somewhere and they simply jump over the gates, not paying tickets. I feel uncomfortable and stop. Then the lady from the ticket office starts yelling we have to pay. Riverstone is adamant in not paying and says to ignore her and I insist in going back to pay. I am disappointed at them. I pay the 3 tickets and it's like 60 cents.

On the train, I meet Zilla and our girl gang. The train fills up after a while, to the point where I feel a bit claustrophobic, so when it stops at a couple stations later, I briefly get out just to get some air. Finally at the last stop everyone gets out, including me and my friends, but I notice I can't find my bag. Now the train is actually a bus and I run to the front door to meet the driver. I ask him to not leave while I go inside and look for me bag. He pretends not to understand what I am saying. He speaks to some dude inside with him in a mix of french and english, so then I try speaking in english and he still says he doesn't understand. I speak in french and then he starts looking at me like he does understand. But he keeps being rude and denying me entrance, so I force my way into the bus and look for my bag under every seat and on overhead compartments. Can't find a thing and he mocks me. I finally give up, but have the feeling he kept driving the bus and we are somewhere else entirely different. So I ask for his help, because I have no ID, no money, no cards and I am lost somewhere in the middle of this city. He does not care. So I get out, thinking about asking a local for the nearest police station, when I realize we are still at the exact same place where people descended from the train/bus. Then wonder about my guys and I hear them yelling from across the road, where they were sitting in a park bench. I run to them and hug them in tears, thanking them for having waited for me. They don't understand why I am so emotional about it, because from their perspective it was like 5 mins and they were always seeing me from their seat. So they say "of course we waited". Then we keep walking to whatever destination we're heading.

I'm flying over town half lucid. I see Elina and wonder why it's always my family I meet in my dreams. This thought triggers it so that a friend of Elina appears next to her and I interact with her instead. She is blonde and tall with a face of someone who takes a lot of energy. We walk down to my house and go to the guest room downstairs. We cuddle and an enchanting atmosphere is there. She is not very interested in me but I am happy. An old evil man enters and I escape by flying through the window. I ask her if we can meet up somewhere else and she agrees. I fly to a building and meet up with her later on in a different house. I don't want to break the window and walk in through the door instead.

I had one of the longer dreams that left me with impressions when I woke up.

I'm at a college and walking around with two girls in my age. A man a bit older than us guides us and starts to chew some kind of thing. He tells us that he is a test person and that the thing he chewed can have a side effect of making his vision go bad and asks us if we want some. One of the girls says that it is undercover drugs and the girls do not want any. The man says yes and laughs. I take one and when we walk over a big height my vision goes bad so that I can't see that it is a big fall. It looks as though it is only 1 meter down but before it was maybe 10 meters. I understand that it is the drugs and that it is understandable that many people die of jumping of heigh places when they are affected by drugs.

I'm outside with some schoolmates and a teacher. I run away with two girls. Both are supposed to be my age but one of them looks just like my physics teacher that looks like she's 70 years old. There comes a car with a teacher in it and we hide by a corner. The teacher could have seen us if he looked closely.

I'm walking town with Claus and dad. Earlier in the dream there was some kind of time traveling and the prime minister changed place. I asked Claus and dad about this but I became very bad with words so I could not say what I meant. I do my RC and tells them that this probably is a dream. The RC doesn't work so I keep on walking with them.

I'm in my brother's bed and we are changing clothes. I pick up some socks but they all have holes in them. When I leave the bed some other kids about 11 years old take the bed.

It's some kind of computer game but I'm in a school. I run around and I'm apparently late to school. I am able to choose which school I want to go to and I choose the one with a girl I met earlier in the dream. She makes some kind of joke and I laugh at it and makes a joke too. I don't really understand them but she seems to like them so I laugh too. There are two more people in our company and they also join us. There is a big school disco and everyone starts to dance. New fragment. We're inside and sitting on a sofa. There comes a guitar and a girl says that she wants to show us her new song that is called "My Song". She starts to sing but it ends very quickly. I want to take the guitar but it is transformed to an acoustic bass instead. I say something about it impressed but no one seems to notice.

I'm in a different country and there are some news about a man that has sewn snakes for some mad purpose. I watch some videos where he uses a sewing kit and sew a living snake. He uses some other tools and brutalizes it until it's not much left of it. He cuts a part from it in order to eat later. I am disgusted and think about how there are crazy people in the world. He takes a big crocodile about 3 meters long and cuts a piece of the middle. He walks out with the crocodile and holds its distance with a long plastic stick. The crocodile screams in pain and tries to kill itself by banging its head against a wall. The crocodile enters someone's house and a big lion attacks the crocodile. They fight for a while but the lion wins. I'm now in my own body and the woman in the house thanks us for something. I walk back to home but we are on an island. My family sits around a round table outside and they ask me if I can grab something to drink from the fridge. They also say something about the woman from before. I walk inside and it looks nothing like our home. I open the fridge and find some good looking drinks. I grab one and walk out.

Notes: I didn't excpect to remember this much. The school theme was prominent in the dreams. There were also three girls that intrested me in them.

12/6/20

I am at a sort of camping house which is located in a campground I frequent. It is a common area that seems like slightly nicer than a large shed. It is run down but charming like a rustic 3rd world b&b.
There are daily cleaners who tidy up the place and the shower always smells nice.
At a certain point I am doing laundry in a common space just casually listening to the sounds of the machines and the outdoors.
There are a few people who hang out in the common room/kitchen, it is familiar to me because I have spent a fair amount of time in this room. Other people have the same sense of ownership. They have special events which can be facilitated like communal meal time or paid tours of the grounds we are on. There may be lasertag? I gather it costs like ten bucks a night for a fold out bed in one of the rooms. It's not fancy but it's dry and warm. I live there for a while with friends from the campground. I meet amazing people and we form a sort of impromptu family unit.

Alex's wedding

Alex the French guy cooking and I become friends at the campground ground, we become best friends during the summer and while there he meets the love of his life. She is called Eve and just as wild as he is.
They hit it off really well while at the campground and are always around each other. At a certain point he asks her to marry him. Very happy for them both I tell him I am ordained and would love to officiate the ceremony for them.
Fast forward to the day of it is something slightly different.
His grand idea is to entertain her and her friend in the middle of a street while musicians set up behind them in a mass of chairs and perform their favorite sonata flash mob style. She is meant not to see the group before they are set up so him and I are attempting to distract them while the musicians show up. I am the main distraction. I am playing an accordion for the first time, I really enjoy how it sounds and remember some of the notes I play while dancing with the accordion like a drunk street performer, I get some compliments on passing.
Cars keep coming down the path and Alex is getting distraught because Eve and her friend see people coming in and setting up behind them though I think they try to pretend not to, to preserve the illusion of surprise. The road was supposed to be closed off but traffic keeps cutting through the parking lot driving past where we are, we move to only blocking one lane.
Her and her friend finally notice something special going on so he abandons the surprise and decides to move to an open part of the parking lot with no road going through it.

The location then turns into a large room like one of those strip mall churches with drop ceilings and tile floors.
She knows what's happening now, but it's ok the magic is in the air, everyone is getting excited now. She is getting ready with her bride's maids and they all have a different bright neon colour on. She is all blue in a tight fitting dress with a Massive blue fohawk, her friends have on, red and green with their hair dyed respectively, with also matching awesome huge hairstyles.
Alex has on a snazzy suit. It almost looks like a mix of period and futuristic style.

There are lines of chairs people are filing in taking their seats little by little. Alex was sitting next to me waiting for the orchestra to all get there and set up along with guests. At a certain point he goes to the doorway to see his fiancé. I think of the tradition and what people will think of him seeing her before the ceremony but he doesn't seem to mind. He stands with his back to the doorway and she comes up and gives him a kiss on the cheek, I am standing close to him, they are both giddy.
He glances to the side but doesn't see all of her.

Things then begin to be quite chaotic.
Not all of the orchestra is here yet, there is uncertainty if they will all show up.
A long tuba flute player is in front of me blowing into his flute thing, obviously bored.
The ones that are there are just casually tuning their instruments making that pre-show cacophony.
The bride starts to freak out a little bit, getting nervous and pacing back and forth at the front of the room. Alex goes up to try to comfort her to no avail.
I now have an open seat next to me. There is an older couple which walks in looking for a seat and asks me if the one next to me is open. I tell them that's the groom's seat but see many open seats behind me I motion towards.
There is a rough not unattractive girl who walks in, and I point to a seat behind me as well. A guy she was flirting with earlier in the dream(at the campground maybe?) is sitting next to the open seat. She mentions 'well at least someone can carry me out of here if I get too drunk' and the guy quietly pumps a 'Yes' fist action. I also gather she has some kind of show she is popular for.

Things are becoming more chaotic now as the couple begins to audibly fight at the front of the room. There is a great disagreement which neither party is seeing eye to eye. The band is all here but are waiting to start playing. As with the crowd, we are all just kind of looking at each other while we watch the obviously distraught couple attempting to make amends just prior to their wedding.

I really feel bad for the couple, Alex is being proud and trying to make light of everything to calm her down. She is upset he is not understanding her, claiming his insincerity is not helping and she's kind of laugh crying at his attitude. She tries to get away as he's following her back and forth in front of the room.
It is really hard to watch.

People in the audience start to bicker at each other, making snide comments and generally escalating the situation.
Things are really going downhill now.
Everyone is standing up and multiple people in the audience are in arguments.
Someone makes a comment to the girl with the show obviously trying to throw shade however she seems oblivious to the criticism. I finally interject and say something for the first time.
'I mean, we all have seen your show, so we know who you are, but have YOU seen your show?'
People gasp and everything stops while people standing in a circle are all looking at her and I now.
I continue 'Now don't get me wrong, I like you, and I'm sure many people here do too. But you should really watch your show. Because if you do that then you would actually See Yourself. Like see yourself how we see you, not just how you see you, and that's not a bad thing. It's just the perspective of seeing yourself the way other people do. That's why relationships are so important, it's a way for us to see each other through each other's eyes, and that's beautiful. That's what is so special about Alex and Eve, they see each other, because they love each other, and it's that completely unadulterated vision which bonds people in this way.'
Everyone is silent but smiling,
The couple is quietly hugging behind the circle of people, they are watching and listening with tears in their eyes while smiling and pressing themselves into each other.
'Its important to see who you really are, or at least to find someone who can really see you, so that you can see yourself, and love yourself, so that you can love each other'
The dream fades with a warmth of compassion in the room though it is quiet after my voice.

I slept 10 hours this night which made me able to have two lucids in one night. I woke up and remembered some dreams but I didn't write them down. This time I didn't feel bad about not writing them down because it gave me better sleep I think.

I'm outside and see a carriage where Linda from my class is sitting. We have some kind of romantic relationship so I walk to her and kiss her. I walk to the cinema and see Albin and my current class there. Ebba from the other class is also there. I ask Albin if this is a dream. He isn't giving me a straight answer and I become somewhat lucid. I look at the people sitting and watching the movie. I interact with some of them and see an old teacher from my other school. I don't remember her name but it is the asian's mom from Subway.

I'm on a field trip with school on a big canoe. I'm on the back and steering the boat. Kalle sits up on the edge of the canoe and I tell him that it is a bad idea. We lose balance and Kalle sits down again. He stands up again and sits on the side of the boat. The boat trips to the right even thought Kalle sat on the left side of the boat's edge. We swim to the nearest island and just as I am about to climb up on the sand beach all the other people swim over me so that I am pressed down under the water. I have some panic and try to go up. After some time I reach the surface. I suddenly have a swimming mask over my eyes and nose so I dive some more. I see Albin under the water and we look at each other. I walk up to the island and go look for a pointy stick that I can catch fish with. When I see the branches and weird sticks on the ground I become lucid. I'm still looking for sticks. I inspect the sticks and notice that they have some pointy edges but they are too short to catch fish with. I abandon my mission and want to fly to the stars instead. I run to the water and fly... but I fall to the water. I try to fly up from the water but it takes some time. I still have my feet in the water but I am able to fly away and up. My mom is sitting on a stone in the water. It reminds me of the Sturkö beach. I look on the sky and see some stars. I fly up and up and suddenly I see my house to my right. I can't fly over the house and I think to myself that it is because I need some kind of reference to be able to fly. I can't fly if my vision can't see anything that swishes past me. I fly down and fly as fast as I am able to past the blocking barrier over the house. I succeed! I reach space, but it's all black. I can't see anything. I try to navigate back to earth but I fail. I have a FA were my legs are over my head. I think that the flying made me put my legs over my head.

I'm outside with Elin from the ensemble. We talk and it feels really good to be with her. She tells me that she has to leave me. I follow her to a tree and she tells me she lives there. She has to sleep in the tree almost the whole day. I don't want to leave her. There is a small hole in the tree that at first doesn't seem to fit for her. She enters the hole and I give her a saw. She seems sad to leave me too. I ask her if there is a time I can come to visit her each day so we can spend time together. We discuss some really bad times when I have school and in the middle of the night. I think it would be best if we meet in the morning. Recall gap. At some point I try to save her from evil men with guns.

Notes: I always thought Elin was cool. I haven't seen her in a long time.

I'm with the missionaries in church.

Notes: I have seen the missionaries a lot in the past weeks.

I'm just about to do a RC and suddenly I'm in my bed stretching out my hand in order to pinch my nose.

Notes: I'm not sure if I actually did the RC when I woke up. It might have been a FA.

I drink extra water in order to wake up in the night. I wake up 03:37 and write down this dream.

I'm bouncing at the Sturkö trampoline with another person. Suddenly all this fertiliser poop is dropped next to me on the trampoline. Me and the other person quickly go out of the trampoline. My sister is there and I ask her if it was her doing. She is serious and says that she needed to do it for something important. I walk in The Green House and see Tobbe M there. He talks about football. Gradually Tobbe transforms into Klaus and he starts to scream loud. He screams about football and how the judges are bribed in a crazy manner.

Notes: Klaus screamed in a very scary way.

When I went to bed again and tried to WILD I got some real pain in my left foot. I moved my foot and felt if something hit my foot but nothing had happened.

I'm by a gas station and there are some aliens shooting at us. I shoot back but get captured. I am being transported to some kind of house that is slimy. I am half lucid because I try to actively wake myself up here. I am being led to a passageway and I meet a dead end. There are some holes in the wall to the right with some kind of thick liquid running through them vertically. An alien in the front that also is a prisoner is crawling into a hole and disappears. I take my hand in to the hole to feel if there is air on the other side of the liquid. I feel a wall and I assume that the alien was able to teleport. I do the same thing with the second hole and find that there is also a wall stopping me from entering there. The third hole doesn't have a wall and I am able to crawl through even tough it is very uncomfortable, especially since it is a very claustrophobic passage. When I am through I find myself in a doom shaped room. There is a bench that I go to and sit. An alien that is humanoid enters, I think that she is about my age and attractive. She comes to me and we start to kiss. She sits on my left leg. I don't know how long time we interact but I am suddenly with other humans that I know. I talk to Diego and he is mad at me because I kissed the girl. He seems to be interested in her by the way that he is talking about her. I tell him that it was only a dream and that it's okey. '

Notes: I talked about it being a dream in the dream but never got fully lucid and got hold of my IRL memories.

Always when I have a love interest non lucid dream I wake up with energy and happiness.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm talking with Fadi and Johannes. There is an amusement park and a boat were two people can go in a water current. There is a girl that reminds me of Kristina. I really want to ride the boat with her but someone else does it instead. I am separated from my group. There are a lot of disabled persons in a room and some people are being grouped up with the disabled persons to help them through the amusement park. I am paired up with Nora from Rosenfeldt.

Notes: I talked with Johannes and Fadi yesterday.

There are people shooting at each other in an apartment building. I am hiding in a room next to a door. I think how bad I am at shooting games and that I probably will die. There is a man that enters the door and I raise my gun... I thought it was a gun but actually it's just a phone. I still point it at his head and take all these photos at him. He is shocked and back away each time I take a photo at him. My phone is out of pictures and I have to find another way to finish him of. We moved to a spiral staircase as I fired pictures at him. I grab him and throw him over the stair rail so he falls down. I am suddenly on a big pedestal and people are using fake guns to fire at each other. They do firing sounds with their mouths. There is a man that is occasionally showing himself from his cover about 20 meters from me and is shooting at me. There is also a man that is doing the same but from a position right beneath the pedestal. After a time I pretend that I am being shot at and lie down. When I lie down there is a man that screams that he exploited the new patch in order to defeat me.

Notes: Apartment buildings are often in my dreams. I remember another dream where it was almost the same as this one. I fake die in some of my dreams. I read about a new patch in a game and told my brother that his most hated enemy got debuffed in the new patch.

I'm in a typical classroom in the left bottom corner of the room. Everyone is watching their grades of different tests and I realize there is a test I have failed several times. It is some kind of civics test. Alexandra thinks it's weird how I can fail a test when all my other grades are good. I tell her something about how civics is not for me.

Notes: I had a homework in history and thought I wasn't that good at it. That is why I dreamt about this.

Albin shows me a picture of when we were children and I have long hair. He makes a joke about the long hair I had.

Notes: I watched the picture IRL he was showing me in the dream today.

I'm with my old school bully Kevin and we are fighting. I have a firm grip around him and we are both on the ground. When I think about it I don't think the position we were in works IRL. I am winning.

Notes: One of the only fights in my life was with Alexander, Kevin's bully friend.

I'm flying with a hoodie. There is a car that is following me. When I think about what I want to do in the dream it becomes instable.

Notes: I must learn to start stabilizing my dreams.

This was an interesting dream because while I wasn't completely lucid, I was cognizant of the fact that I had control over what was going on. However, said realization wasn't because I knew I was dreaming. I just knew I had control, somehow; maybe because it took place in my fantasy world where I am somewhat of a demigod. ;D

It was a weird combination of a story about a wolf, and the novel I'm currently working on. The wolf was getting hunted, imprisoned, and about to be killed. But he escaped. His plan was to flee in the middle of the night, but he slept until 7:42 AM and didn't flee until exactly then. Nonetheless it was still dark outside leading me to believe that it was winter. He fled to the woods. I managed to use my powers to teleport him deeper within the woods, and myself along with him. He found his lover, another wolf, there. Two characters from my novel were there, too, who were in love and promised to protect the two wolves. And other magical creatures formed a sort of barricade to protect them all.

It was a heartwarming dream with potential to become an actual story with some tweaking/organization. The night was purple and black and orange, cartoony much like the lyric videos from Anna Blue and The Birthday Massacre. Very cool, stylized aesthetic! It's fun that my brain can do that lol.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


Somewhere with family members and a few acquaintances. My uncle Zé is there, still living. Zilla is also present. I am trying on a dress she absolutely loves. It's a tight, red polka dots, no shoulders dress. People gasp seeing me in it. She asks where I bought it. I think C&A but we check the label with and it says some other brand. Anyway, she is sad she missed the chance to have one just like it.
We walk to some shops with dresses on their windows. She points to a few dresses, asks my opinion, I dislike all. She gives up, we part ways and she heads to her car.
Meanwhile, I spot Matos, who just saw me and heads towards me. He looks super thrilled for seeing me, tells me so and invites me for a coffee. I hesitate. He asks if I'm married. I say no, but that I have a commitment. He argues we left something in mid-air in our past, recalls our deep connection and asks if we could restart from where it was left as he never stopped thinking of me. I recall our teenage love with sweetness. But I am through with it.
I telĺ him my car is in the opposite direction he is heading. Suggest him we should treasure the memories we have but move on with our lives. He insists it was unfair, that we shouldn't have lost touch, that our connection is one in a lifetime. I tell him he was special alright, but that at best he is maybe the 3rd option on my backup list. Not even true, he is no longer on the list. He is heartbroken. I feel sorry but just wanna go away and say goodbye to him.

I had10 LD this week maybe 11. One earlier in the week and 9 today. Will write down stuff from today to note what I did. And maybe add dreams from earlier in the week later.

Practices :
A nap earlier on Sat afternoon was tired sleep dep, 2-6pm ish.

Did Mild here before sleep

Then again from 1130-3am, 8 ld

Slept one more sometimes in the morning maybe 9-10am one ld

**I also remembered visualizing myself meditating in sleep

For mild I just said mantra in 3 languages first, then asked my subconscious if it thought we could do it. Then addressed any feelings or doubts with past examples. Repeated in other language. Then repeated mantra with excitement.

Night dreams : maybe missed one more bbq themed ld

Nld: I was reading a book of sorts that could transform into comic book and stuff. As I flipped pages it had touchscreens each page and you could play games and stuff pretty cool.

Wake: wake up a bit and hear sounds just lay still thought about ld maybe or just relaxed. Also took non ld related supplement and drank water.

Ld: I was in my bedroom and I felt very scared or nervous. I walked towards the bathroom and an electric blue lightening like thing flashing in the room. I decide to sit down to the left to meditate.

Ld: I think I was back in the bed rm with same fear. I decide to meditate again.

Ld: I recalled I mediated in dreams twice already so I should keep having lds. I began rubbing my hands to clarify the environment.
It becomes clearer and it was a BBQ scene with some ppl I knew.

Ld: I was at home by the breakfast table. I just let the dream play. It was sped up progression of events of a life of I'd live in a certain way. I just observed the events. Mostly social media . I headed outside and climbed outside on roof. Then on neighbors roof. There were endless amounts of wooden planks and I kept climbing.

Ld: I was back at the BBQ scene earlier I found my mom. I was parkouring around like last dream while ppl cooked BBQ.

LD: It Das all darkness. Could not see anything. I began to pretend to swim and in a bit I swam on water, appeared at a shore. Either beach or lake. More likely a lake. Saw ppl on shore maybe we friends. Maybe bbqing again lol. Walked on shore I think .

Ld: I was at a kind of a strange sex workshop or something. Wanted to get out of there. Bunch of ppl and symbolism regarding sperm.

Ld: I was at kitchen, at breakfast table again. I saw my parents with nicely grilled chicken thighs on the table likely bbq, browned and liked crispy and moist. I ate some and it was delicious. I talk to my parents standing to the left and tell them.
"I know this is a dream so I can tell you that I love you." they embrace and hug me with a pained bittersweet smile.

I head out to the other kitchen where the garage was suppose to be. They're were chefs there cooking with tall pots. I wake up crying.

Notes:
Blue lightening was related to something I wanted to meet from a book.

Went to 2 BBQ the 2 days prior. I was disappointed with the second one. Rude hosts. The ribs were hard as tree bark and the chicken wings tasted expired. I suppose it influenced dream theme. Ate the ideal chicken I wanted in dream.

My friend talked about how she took sex workshop, likely the source of that dream.

I also did not dream much last day or two, sleep dep.


Morning dream :

LD: I was on a paved road by a shore of a lake. lucid. I saw a beautiful tree and approached it. I observed its leaves and it was a pine tree. I decided to chew on some of the needles and try to taste its juices. It was too dry though and I couldn't taste the sour juices.

-saw a couple of beautiful conifers during the day

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am at home and I see people outside. I take a peek and see a group with backpacks sitting outside. I talk to them through the window, they are Brazilian and are a bit lost. They want to stay the night at my house, don't mind sleeping on the floor. But I say absolutely no, they insist, don't understand my attitude. I am freaking out and tell them to please get out of my land and I close the gate. There is one among them who is quite a hunk and I feel kind of sorry to let him go, but I think of my safety and the safety of my furry babies and I insist they can't stay, because I really don't know their intentions.

In London, close to my old friend Stephen. I decide to pass by his door, and it is open. I go upsairs and I hear lots of voices. I turn around, changing my mind, but he appears on top of the stairs and recognizes me. Actually now he is not Stephen anymore but my old friend Joan from Catalunia. I go inside and they are having a slumber party, and my friend Tania is there! When we are ready to sleep, I ask to stay because I don't want to go take a bus, but there is no room and also all my stuff is at the hotel I am staying.

Arriving to NY by boat, with Riverstone and Nighthwak. I don't know where Riverstone is, he is going around meeting other people. I took a shower and I am on the sofa wrapped in a towel watching some romantic live action Disney fairytale. Nighthawk turns it off at the very end when the plot unravels and the prince declares his love to the princess. Or at least I expected so. I complain he turned it off, ahead of the ending. He replies that he thought the movie was over already. I say no, it is obvious that they are in love with each other and he was going to say something. Then I feel like maybe he knew it and that was why he turned it off. There is an awkward silence between us and I realize the hidden meaning of what happened. Then he says ok, but doesn't mean they should be together, she should be with the other guy who says things down to earth, not the enchanted prince because he says poetic stuff or whatever. I disagree. We then sit for lunch at the cafeteria. Love is in the air, despite the BS he just said. The boat reaches the shore and my mom, who was there waiting for us, comes rushing that she has bought tickets for a ferry around Manhattan, but it leaves in a few minutes. She grabs my purse and I run after her, forgetting all my luggage behind. At the dock I tell her I need to get my luggage first, she is upset that the other boat is in 5 mins or so, bit I also get angry that she took my purse with my documents and cell phone and I had to follow her but and leave everything behind. Then she denies having done it and says she doesn't have my purse. I cant believe it. I am going back to the boat to get my luggage and I say we can take some other ferry later and she needs to look for my purse meanwhile. But the boat is gone and I run around looking for it or someone from it. I do meet a girl who was also a passenger and she has the key to a van where all the bags left behind are stored to be taken elsewhere. She allows me to look for mine and there it is. But now I must find my mom again or I am alone, stuck with no documents.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

A scene like Charlie's Angels, with mom or friends. We are leaving some restaurant or BnB and some bad dudes are coming in and we notice them. We pretend to leave but we just park our cars strategically out of sight and stay behind to watch them and then do something to interfere with their plans.

Some love story between some young lady and a young guy. They lie naked in bed, there is so much love. Some day he becomes paralyzed, no reaction, lifeless. Everybody comes to pay respects thinking he is dead, but she refuses to bury him. She sings for him, talks to him, everyone thinks she's gone nuts, but he is not decomposing. Then one day he slowly starts regaining movement and tries to communicate, but there's lots of people in the house. There is one guy who has always hoped to conquer the love of the lady and she is considering maybe allow him in her life. Meanwhile the guy in the bed has gained awareness and his moving his hands, trying to make some noise to get her attention. He is not having much success so he uses telekinesis and starts throwing things around and making a mess. Then I see this story is a movie I am watching and it goes to commercials. My mom sends me a message, needs me to pick her up and take her somewhere, so I stop watching the movie and go get her in a tiny bike.

I am attending my guru's teachings, it's the last day and everybody is dressed up and I am not. But I am in my hotel room and start trying amazing dresses. I take so long to choose one, that meanwhile everybody's gone. Then the yellow dress that I chose becomes a kind of evil suit that grows green tissue over my skin, including a hoodie over my head. I look in the mirror and I look like a scary elf. I rip it off, but it grows back again and again. I am freaking out.

Then it gets dark and I am on the streets, sitting on a bench. Two cars from some gang pass by slowly. I avoid eye contact but one guy comes out and looks interested in me. I get up and start walking away. I look back and a guy starts throwing knives at me. I dodge all the knives, then escape to some alley but he keeps coming. He comes closer, but then sits down and hints that he won't hurt me. I hide behind some wall but peak to see what he is all about. He takes out some candy, like waffle with chocolate and ice cream. I dislike but accept and eat along with him. He asks questions, we talk nonsense. Then some girl joins, talks about hard life in the hood, we agree it will get much worse in the near future. Then everybody is running on the street and saying "You don't know? It's Patricia." And we go to the end of the street and see a projection in the sky honoring the fallen from the Hunger Games. Then this girl takes me in. She rescues and nurses mutant and monstrous animals, but they are actually adorable creatures. She puts to bed a kind of centipede with many heads that looks like a plush toy. I cuddle the centipede and all its heads jump on me and lick me like puppies and dozens of other creatures appear jumping and get all over me. So cute.