non-lucid

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At a department store. Going through different sections, checking clothes, then latest electronics and end up in the music and film area. Not looking for anything specific, but remember to take a look for Björk albums, since I don't buy cds for years. I find a cd which I didn't know, and check the inlay booklet. Looks nice, but I think it is one of those Björk albums which I don't particularly like and I wonder if I am willing to pay whatever it costs. But there is no price tag, so I need to go to the check-out with it.

Then I have a FA and think I am in my bedroom. It is very dark, but once again I see this little purplish orb moving around the room. It is beautiful, but it also makes me feel uneasy. Since last time my teacher told me to swallow it, my first instinct was to do so again. So when it got near the bed, I opened my mouth widely and swallowed it. It went totally dark and then I woke up or entered a dream, I am not sure.

Not much to report this week.

Only Jamie dream I had was when I was dosing off.. There were voices telling me to not give up on her and to wait for her. Because you should always trust voices. I miss the dreams with her.

Work hell

A new guy at my Job kept being mean and harassing me. He kept getting in my face and was causing trouble. The store manager was staring at us as if it was an okay thing for him to do. I left work with Victoria, and we were walking on some streets like I was in Chilliwack. We decided to go to Tim Horton's or something and she was saying how she goes there every morning at 9:30. There was a mcdonald's worker suddenly working there as we went into the lobby.

Morning of November 9, 2019. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,318-01. Reading time: 45 sec.



Bushfires are coming closer to our home, though my dream self does not attain the correct recall of where we live in reality. The location at times resembles a 3rd Street area of La Crosse (rather than anywhere in Australia). I walk through an unfamiliar alley where there are cylindrical metal garbage cans instead of the modern plastic wheelie bins.

There are areas where I see only gray ash and smoke. For some reason, dump trucks are carrying big loads of ashes from different locations. (I see this instead of any firefighting.) I am not in danger at any point, but Coelophysis appear at times, running in random directions. The fire is so extensive that it is burning areas never seen by humans. It is from where these dinosaurs are coming (nonsensical dream “logic,” though it is similar to other dreams where deeper in a forest meant longer ago in history).

A panda climbs out of the reach of one small fire. Lassie and his owner (a young boy) are looking around for people to help. A fishing boat is sitting in the mud, as the water had lowered.

---

Morning of November 9, 2019. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,318-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 30 sec.



In this dream, my waking-life identity is partly present. I recall the appearance of the rooms in our present house in Australia and remember the current status of Zsuzsanna and our children, but the rooms erroneously appear on the second floor of the King Street mansion in America (where I have not been since 1994). Zsuzsanna and I are moving a bed and couch back to make more space in the lounge room.

I look east out the window over 10th Street and recall my landlady had died, so I consider we will not need to pay the rent we owe. Still, I am uncertain of the status of the house and who else lives here at this time. I falsely recall Leonard S is now living west of the house, about five blocks away. I go out into the hall, wondering if a college student “still” lives across from us. I accidentally bump a switch that turns a radio on. It is attached to the wall that faces the kitchen entrance and is somewhat like a thermostat. I hear static and part of a news announcement, but it is unclear. I try turning it off, but it remains on, so I try again, as I might have moved the wrong slide switch.

I look out through a front window and see there is no porch downstairs, which I consider unusual and wonder when they removed it. I walk down the staircase and see the foyer area is different. It is all open now. Walking outside, I see Leonard S standing on a walkway between two deep culverts (a fictitious feature). There is a small tree with an unusual, curved trunk in each of them. They lean towards each other and resemble normal-sized bonsai trees. Their height matches the depth of the culverts.

I wave at Leonard with my left hand. “How are ya?” I cheerfully ask. I consider it would be pleasant for him to meet my family for the first time. “What happened here?” I ask him as I point at the culverts. He does not replay. I look around and notice most of the first floor of the house is missing on the left side. It is held up by only a few timbers. I can see the underside of the floor of where I live with my family when I look up and become concerned. I did not expect this.

“Looks like this will be my last day here,” I tell Leonard. He does not speak the whole time. I turn and walk back up the stairs. (It is fictitiously direct from the front entrance, without a landing.) I now notice most of the risers are missing, and other parts look splintered and broken. I consider we will have to move soon and wonder how we will get all the furniture out. I wake while halfway up the steps, even though my dream is vivifying (due to vestibular system correlation).

---

I have written this many times, but after over 50 years, I continue to be fascinated by the incredible ways dreams scramble memory while simultaneously creating a false narrative yet while also correlating with dreaming and waking processes, often, as here, structured around vestibular system correlation and imaginary proprioception as a result of emerging awareness of physicality in waking, the main factor of dream content.

Leonard is this dream’s vestibular witness. As well as my use of the staircase for proprioception and vestibular system correlation (the most common way I instinctually modulate this process), the culverts are also a factor. The two unusual trees in the culverts represent Zsuzsanna and me sleeping, so there is also evidence Leonard signifies transpersonal communication between Zsuzsanna and me as we sleep, especially as I consider them meeting.

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Morning of November 8, 2019. Friday.

Dream #: 19,317-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



I am sitting at a big counter in an unknown room. There is a mix of technology and ambiguous features. For example, a web page full of thumbnail images covers the left side as if it is a normal rendering, but I soon realize it is a set of small pockets on a sheet of thin plastic, each containing many slides. Each top slide represents a thumbnail image as is currently present on the real web page as on the Internet. The ones underneath are of images that no longer exist on the web page as on the Internet. I am happy to realize this.

Beyond the front of my counter, an unknown woman walks by to my right. I tell her not to walk so close to my work area. She remains cheerful and moves away. At this point, it seems I am in a public building, but I know everything on the big counter is mine. I pick up a black-and-white sketch of Swamp Thing’s face (a DC comic book character).

I walk into a room where Zsuzsanna is sitting at a desk. Also present, seated a few feet apart in chairs facing the desk, are two people. I hold up the drawing of Swamp Thing’s face, saying how weird it is.

I now notice both “people” look like Swamp Thing. I hope I have not angered them. One is male, and one is female, the female on the left, closest to where I am standing. They do not seem angry.

---

I was downtown at the VCU campus and I drove up to an empty parking lot to park the car. I got out of the car and started walking up to a building. There was a fenced in area that I didn't notice until someone called my name. Behind the fence were people and dogs, like it was my doggie daycare that I drop Elle off at a few times a week. I think Elle might have been there but I remember thinking that Ryan is going to pick her up later. I say hello to the people and keep walking.

I end up at a 7-11 and there is a display with Valentine's day candy that's on sale. There are chocolate roses in boxes and other small chocolates. I grab a ton of it and put it up on the counter and check out. I pay for it, then look at the receipt and see that it was $90!! I told the cashier that she didn't discount the candy and she said that it was shift change and she couldn't help me. Also there was a rush of people suddenly standing in line to check out. I'm patient, so I walk around waiting my turn to get my money back. I walk to the back of the store and look down and see that it's wood floors and one of the floor boards is loose. I pick it up and it's all loose and some of the floor turns into little blocks of pine wood and I keep pulling them out and finally I uncover a secret underground stairway. I think "nope, nope, nope! lord knows what's down there!" so I cover everything up, put the floor back and go back to the register where the lady says that the mayor has left to do his mayoring job and I won't be able to get my money back. I guess the mayor owns the 7-11?

I leave 7-11 and somehow I end up at a fast food place trying to get some food, obvi. No idea what was going on in this part of the dream, but then I end up at someone's house and there is weed buds on the floor in front of the couch. I think that's weird and hazardous to any dogs that might be around, but I realize that we're not in any danger of any dogs eating the weed bc there's no dogs where I'm at.

Then my alarm went off and I start thinking about everything I just dreamed and "Ms. New Booty" by Bubba Sparxx came into my head. I told it to go away because I'm trying to concentrate on remembering my dream! Every morning lately I've been waking up with a song in my head! Yesterday it was "Love it if We Made It" by The 1975 and the day before it was "Social Cues" by Cage the Elephant. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS??? So I went back to sleep for a couple minutes and then "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter was in my head!

2019, 11-06

Skyrim: Unknown Challenger Part 1

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am at my home. It looks like it is Thanksgiving. My mom is preparing a big meal and there are a bunch of people around that I don’t know. I also see my brother and my grandmother, who are both dead. There is not much to be done to prepare dinner, so I go outside to wait. There are numerous vehicles parked in our yard. As I am standing there a really old Cadillac enters and parks carelessly behind another car. The door opens and my ex-boyfriend James steps out. Who invited him? I am thinking my mom invited him, though I can’t imagine why. James gets out of the car and heads towards the house without seeming to notice me. I decide that’s fine and I also go inside. My mom now says dinner is not almost ready and we will have to wait a couple more hours. I don’t want to talk to anyone around me so I go put on my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR.

When the game starts I find I’m in the Palace of the Kings standing near Ulfric Stormcloak. Ulfric is sitting on his throne looking at me. I can’t remember why I came in here. Ulfric says he’s glad I’m here. I think he’s going to say something else when I see someone behind me. The visitor smiles. He looks like Hiei from the YuYu Hakusho anime. He looks at Ulfric, then back at me. He asks if I’m here to kill Ulfric or should he go ahead and do it? Ulfric asks who in Oblivion Hiei thinks he is. I sense dark energy in Hiei, so I get between Ulfric and Hiei. I tell Hiei no one is going to kill Ulfric… now what does he want here? He says that sounds good. He will try to kill Ulfric and I will defend him. I see Ulfric looking more annoyed. Hiei says he hates escort missions, so let’s make it a straight fight instead. He and I will fight. If he wins, he will kill Ulfric. If I win, he will leave Ulfric alone. So will I accept that challenge?

I say ok, Hiei against me, one on one. Ulfric asks Hiei what makes him think he can walk in here and… I interrupt and tell Ulfric to stay out of it. Ulfric starts to object again, but Hiei fires black tendrils from his hand and they effectively bind Ulfric to the throne. He says he agrees, Ulfric should stay out of it. Galmar tries to come into the room but Hiei blocks all of the doors into the room with a dark energy force field. He says now no one will interrupt us. There is a sound like thunder as Ulfric lets off a fus in Hiei’s general direction. Hiei holds his nose and says he should kill the idiot for raising such a stink. He throws a blob of black stuff that covers Ulfric’s mouth. He tells Ulfric to shut up, then he tells me let’s get on with it!

Since I’m playing Skyrim VR, the first thing I try to do is fus Hiei. That does nothing at all. Hiei makes fun of it, he says I’d better be able to do something better than send my bad breath his way or he’s going to have to level this whole city to make the trip here worthwhile. He sends out a bunch of tendrils like spears that actually punch right through my body, but I feel nothing but slight irritation as I look at the holes he made in my Assassin’s Creed robes. In an irritated way I tell Hiei that he ruined my robes… that’s just rude. And I decide to go full Alex Mercer on his ass. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and cut his tendrils off. I absorb the part that has penetrated my body like Alex Mercer would in order to get a sampling of Hiei’s energy. The wounds heal instantly. I am about to make another move but instead I wake up. I don’t like how I left the dream so I roll over and focus on getting back into the dream, I manage a DEILD!

2019, 11-05

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

The Dark Tower: Thalmor Ambush

I am in an underground passage with some other people. The passage is very small and I am feeling claustrophobic, but the other people don’t seem to think anything of it. They must be used to it. I know they have resorted to living underground like this to avoid some dangerous enemies on the surface, but I don’t want to stay here any longer. I am asking people how to get out. They finally show me the way to an exit. They are cautioning me to be careful, but I tell them I can take care of myself. I am clearly remembering my dream powers but I am not thinking about the fact it’s a dream, so I am now semi-lucid.

I have to crawl through the tunnel and some thick foliage to get out. I look back to see the passage is completely hidden by thick dead looking bushes and under a rocky outcropping. I see that the rocks are not far from a beach. I head towards the waves. It is shortly after dawn and the sun is rising behind me. I see a man on the beach. I approach him, he doesn’t look good. I see it is Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower books. He has his right hand wrapped in a bloody rag and I realize this is in the second book shortly after a lobstrosity bit two fingers off. I approach Roland. He seems unsure if I might be a mirage. I tell him I can heal the physical wounds, but the poison may still follow its course. I carefully remove the bloody rag and focus healing energy. The missing fingers regenerate slowly.

Roland seems better now and more able to continue. He thanks me for my help, though he’s unsure of how I did it… the man he’s pursuing can create the illusion of healing. I say I don’t use illusion, I use the light energy. I look Roland over and I note that he has the Horn of Eld hanging around his neck. That is good, so at least there’s a chance of this not looping again. Roland is ready to continue down the beach, so I go with him. It doesn’t seem long enough before there is a door in front of us. I look at the door, expecting to see the words “The Prisoner” on it. Instead of that I see the word “Skyrim” on it. Roland asks what that means and tell him I have no clue, it’s not what I expected.

The door opens and three Thalmor come through. Two are mutant Thalmor that look like the hulk, and the third one looks like he’s been assimilated by the Borg. Borg Thalmor says Roland and I are becoming a pain in the arse, how many times do we have to be sent to the start before we realize it is useless to resist? He says to give up before they make things more difficult than a simple time loop. Roland says he will never cry off. The Thalmor says he expected that response. He tells the two hulk Thalmor to see how Roland and I like having our limbs ripped off to die in our own blood. I form my arm into an Alex Mercer blade. A hulk Thalmor comes at me. My blade cuts right through his sword and through the arm wielding it. He seems to not feel any pain, but the removal of his head puts a stop to him. I then remove the head of the other one as he is approaching Roland. The door collapses and turns to dust.

Roland looks annoyed. He says he now has his answer about his bullets getting wet, now there’s no way to know how many or if any of his remaining rounds will fire. I am not entirely sure what to do. Will bullets stop those weird Thalmor? Shooting them in the head should still work. But before I can do anything about giving Roland more bullets I wake up.

Jamie dreams

Feels like she hasn't been as active lately, But I'm still impressed I get at least one dream a week. First one happens while I fall asleep i fall into a few micro dreams of Jamie just being there with me holding my hand. Seems like she is trying to re assure me that she is still around and isn't finished with me. Second dream I am visiting a guitar teacher I use to know named Jake ( who is also a well known banjo player who is known for playing canadian festivals." But in this dream I am seated at a keyboard. He asks me what I want to learn. I have a notebook out, it says Jamie was learning this piece or something. so I try it out. but can't read the notes that well. I think it was supposed to be one of chopin's easier waltzes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN5z1mu6j4M


The Drone Army

I dream I somehow get captured by these Sentient drones armed with guns and lasers. they are all self aware like a hive. there is a long sequence of me trying to escape but I can't. I'm in their lair which is like a big bowl in the ground with a complex at the center. My dad tries to get me out but when I climb one of the sides one of the drones buzzes in my way. i am terrified. There is a building in the center where we are being held. Two other captives are there, a woman and a Man. Pretty sure the woman was Asuka. This dream might have been one of their dream games or something. The drones are communicating through a screen to tell us their demands. I have a feeling they will try to kill us all. At some point me and Asuka find a bed to lie down in. We start doing things under the covers. A drone flies in and starts threatening me. Data asks what it's problem is. I say it doesn't want me doing doing anything with the girl.

I somehow wind up outside a house that's under construction. I see Mike from work and ask him if he knows a way out. He says try through the building. I go into the building and go in the basement to the other end. There is a woman Foreman at the construction building with some worker. I go to inspect a window to make it seem like I am working there. The man approaches me and we start talking. Outside is a staircase that leads to a road apparently in the drone's blind spot. the woman leaves the room and says, "My there are lots of workers here," I think she means me. I tell the man to just let me out of the window and I'll leave. He agrees.

I wind up leaving by a green grove of trees. i' climb over a hedge and I'm now by a huge overpass. the scenery is like the road from The Canada border to Seattle in Washington. I also see train tracks, and also a train which looks like it's coming at me. It stops on the track which is covered in green vines. I keep walking and wind up on a street. I figure I am safe from the drones now. I see a whole bunch of small black birds which I at first thinks is them. They place down a nice hat on the ground, so I put it on my head. I also see G walking by, he smiles at me and then I wake up.

Bjork

A dream of bjork visiting me. She winds up giving me a hug, or cuddling me or something. I find it very relaxing like she is also trying to console me. In any case I am happy to hear from her.


I had other dreams but completely forget what they were.

2019, 11-04

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

2019, 11-04

Skyrim: Déjà Vu

I am going down the street on my way to Windhelm in my game of Skyrim VR. I spot some special friends ahead. There are three Thalmor escorting a prisoner. I walk over to them. The lead Thalmor tells me to go away. I cut the prisoner free and give him my electric sword that I got from Balgruuf. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade. As the Thalmor attack I start with a fus, though since it’s only one word it just staggers them. The prisoner and I still make quick work of the Thalmor. I set to looting the dead Thalmor. One of them was a woman about my size, so her elven armor is now mine. It’s too bad I damaged it… The prisoner and I he will head for Windhelm.

We reach Windhelm with no problems. I find the blacksmith. I ask if he can repair the armor and he says yes. I leave it with him. I have to talk to Viola Giordano, but first I have to turn subtitles on. I can’t figure out how to do that. I am distracted by Rolff harassing Suvaris. Rolff breaks off his verbal assault on Suvaris to ask what I’m staring at. He calls me an elf lover. I call him dickless. He tries to get in my face so I fus him. The loser calls for a guard and says I assaulted him. I call him dickless again. The guard asks if it’s true. I respond, “It is true… this man has no dick.” Rolff says his dick is huge. I say I’m sure it is… for a grain of rice. He tells me to take that back. The guard says we should go in opposite directions, he wants no trouble.

I head to the Palace of the Kings. Ulfric is talking to Galmar about Whiterun, He says he would like to take the city with no bloodshed. He sits down on the throne. I approach Ulfric. He says he remembers me. I say yes, I was at Helgen. He says no, he remembers me from before that… or after? It’s unclear to him. He asks how many times this makes. I am quite confused now. I ask how many times for what? He asks how many times have I repeated this? He says he remembers enough to know we’ve done this before, but in Helgen I said I have done it “sooooo many times” so he is asking how many times. This has taken me by surprise, how can Ulfric remember a past game? I finally say I’ve lost count.

Now things get back on track. Ulfric says I should talk to Galmar about joining the Stormcloaks. I have barely gotten out, “I can’t…” when Ulfric goes off script again. He says he remembers I won’t join unless he gives his word that all races in Skyrim will be treated equally, especially the Dunmer in the Gray Quarter. But he has heard rumors that someone there is capturing citizens of Skyrim and sending them… somewhere… to be used as slaves. Ulfric knows the Project AHO mod?! How?! He says if I investigate and find the rumor false or if I find the rumor true and put a stop to it, he will see to improvements in the Gray Quarter, he knows Brunwulf would be glad to take on the project. But he will NOT do so if there’s a chance those blasted elves are sending Skyrim citizens into slavery. He says he doesn’t have the people to investigate, but he will trust my findings. I am still trying to figure out how Ulfric can be reacting to a mod that shouldn’t affect him. A mod I don’t even have active! I tell Ulfric I don’t think anyone in the Gray Quarter is involved, there’s an Orc kidnapping people near Mixwater Mill… but if it will help things move forward then I will check.

I leave the Palace of the Kings. The next normal stop I would make is High Hrothgar to see the Graybeards. But this is going strangely. I am trying to figure out what is going on when Rolff tells me to get the fuck out of his city. I tell him to cram it up his ass. I wonder what I have to do to prove that no one in the Gray Quarter is involved with slavery. Then I wonder about the guy at the Corner Club, he has clearly expressed that he doesn’t care about anyone unless they’re a Dunmer. Should I investigate that? Well I said I would… Rolff says I should get my worthless elf-loving… His interference has pissed me off. I turn around and, without thinking about it, hit him with a full three-word fus. FUS-RO-DAH! Rolff goes flying and crashes into a wall. He collapses, stunned. I am also stunned… I did a full fus! The glitch just happened a bit late! Do I still need to go to High Hrothgar? Probably. It’s getting late and I’m tired. I go to Candlehearth Hall and rent a room. I go to the room and lie down on the bed, falling asleep there and waking up here.

2019, 11-01

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

Skyrim: Dragon Falling

Note: I have been including a lot more detail than I really have time for, so I will try to be a bit more succinct about my journal entries to allow for more postings.

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am in Whiterun, I am here to deliver the dragonstone to Farengar. I go to Dragonsreach and go to Farengar inside. He is talking to Delphine. I comment that the warrior innkeeper is back. Delphine gives me a strange look. Farengar takes the dragonstone and then the housecarl Irileth comes in to say there’s a dragon attacking. She says Farengar and I should come. As we are leaving the room I pass by Delphine and deliberately comment, “It’s too bad we don’t have any sworn dragon slayers around…” as I look at Delphine. This gets me another strange look from her, then she hurries off.

I go up to talk to Jarl Balgruuf. He says he wants me to help fight the dragon. He even gives me an electrically charged sword. I head to the Western Watchtower where the dragon is attacking. Irileth and several guards come with me. Mirmulnir is attacking the tower. I realize my new sword, or any sword, is useless. I use Battery by Metallica to call lightning down on Mirmulnir. Guards are firing arrows at the dragon. I pause to wonder how Battery is working in Skyrim when Mirmulnir targets me with a blast of fire. I stop questioning and use Whiplash by Metallica to deflect the fire back at Mirmulnir. The dragon is hit by fire and lightning at the same time and crashes to the ground. Irileth jumps onto his head and drives her sword in, killing him. For a bit I think I won’t get the energy rush as usual, but when I get closer I am able to draw the energy in.

After the guards and Irileth debate if I could be dragonborn I head back to Whiterun to report success against the dragon. I hear the Greybeards call as I return to Whiterun. I tell Balgruuf that the dragon is dead and he gives me some heavy armor… I don’t use heavy armor… then I leave. I sell the armor at a local blacksmith since I never use heavy armor. Everyone is saying I should go straight to see the Greybeards, but I always head down to Windhelm after this so I can stop the serial killer there before he kills another victim. I leave Whiterun and head along the road to Windhelm. On the way I find Cicero and his broken wagon wheel. Instead of asking the farmer to help I use a Harry Potter spell, reparo, to fix the wheel myself. He does a happy dance and gives me gold before heading off. I wake up wondering how I didn’t do a reality check when I successfully used Battery and Whiplash in a game of Skyrim.

2019, 10-30

Skyrim: Bleak Falls Barrow

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR, I am exploring Bleak Falls Barrow for what seems like the millionth time. There are bandits at the entrance and I nail them with fireballs when they attack me. To my surprise, one of the bandits actually runs away and doesn’t return to attack again. I go into the barrow and find a few more bandits inside. They have a camp set up and a couple maps, apparently these bandits have heard there is a valuable treasure somewhere in here and they hope to claim it. They attack me on sight and I take them out with fireballs just like the ones outside.

I feel like I’ve played this level a million times, but things seem a bit different. I’m not exactly sure what is different, but something is. Thoughts of it being different slip from my mind as zombies attack. There seem to be more of them than I remember. Maybe I just set the game on a higher difficulty. Yes, that must be the difference. I fight my way through the zombies using fireballs and my sword. It also seems darker in the dungeon than I remember. Did I change the brightness settings? Well this is more realistic… an ancient crypt would be pretty dark.

I continue through the passages, fighting the zombies that attack and finally I reach the chamber with the dragon wall. It looks mostly like I remember it looking in my previous times playing this, and I think any small differences are due to an update on a static mesh improvement mod. I read the word ‘fus’ as it draws my attention right to it and then more draugr attack. There is the boss draugr that comes out of the coffin in front of the dragon wall and three others that I don’t see where they come from. They are all especially weak against fire so I let more fireballs fly.

When the draugr are all re-dead I find the dragonstone map of dragon burial sites in the treasure chest along with some gold. I have to take this back to Whiterun. I leave Bleak Falls Barrow and head down the other side of the mountain towards Whiterun. But I am still on the way when I wake up.

I am in what appears to be an alleyway. It is kind of dark and dimly lit with street lights. I am here with about three other people. I am here with two strangers and my girlfriend in the dream named Kiara. Kiara is petite and of japanese descent. She has a bubbly and energetic personality. Anyway, the two other people and I have been informed that we have been accepted into medical school. We received a bag of supplies that we will need during our simulations in school. The bag was a black messenger bag with a vinyl case in which you can see the supplies that are within. There are a bunch of needles, bandages, and suture equipment, as well as several bottles that resemble vape juice bottles that contain various medicine like insulin. As we are all opening and inspecting our bags, we try on our uniforms. It comes with a sash, kind of like one you would see on a swat agent except it held medical supplies. A sense of awe came over me as I couldn't believe that I was here. My girlfriend then begins to rifle through the bag saying something about big money.

I was with a bunch of people, everything was a bit purple and dimly lit. We were fighting a boss and the boss was pennywise. I was going to be going through the tough part of the fight while everyone was fighting as well. We're in this cube shaped room and the fight is about to begin. Pennywise is more of this thing warping, he warps next to me and explains what is about to happen and what I need to do, then the fight starts. The cube is bouncy and everyone is on the ground. My part in the fight is dodging pennywise as he morphs into these smaller little blobs of himself that are bouncing around the room. Every time a blob of him gets near me I'm supposed to dodge it, so I'm trying to time where I'm going to jump next to avoid the blobs, a few times they get really close to me but I dodge, at some point a blob starts to expand really close to me but contracts as it gets in my face. At some point I witness this guy decked out in gear killing pennywise's true form as he looked like some sort of demon.

The dream turned to what seemed like the end of a movie involving pennywise. My view is flying in the air looking at this empty forest with hills and possibly a cave, I see pennywise's head in the forest and I wave towards him, his head slightly looks at me. There's no music involved but more of an ambient wind and I hear this faint laugh which meant pennywise was never killed. The movie was supposed to end but I felt like I was sort of trapped in that dream and what would happen next would be him returning so I was panicking to get out of the dream before that happened.

Another scene was this free space where people could create things, there were these tall structures and someone was creating this rollercoaster or maybe a water slide.

2019, 10-22

Skyrim: The Endless Loop

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am on my computer, sitting in my own living room. I am reading a web comic called Cookie and Rose by Cobi van Leeuwen which follows the adventures of two Pusheen sisters named Cookie and Rose and their friends and family. This episode starts out with the ladies entering into an Egyptian pyramid to explore. It is night and the headlights of their jeep provide the only light revealing the entrance. The ladies and a couple other Sheens enter the pyramid. One of them has a map showing the layout of an expansive series of passages and chambers in the pyramid. Shortly after they have entered the main corridor there is a loud noise and the ground disappears from underneath Cookie’s feet. Cookie drops out of sight along with the torch she is carrying. Everysheen gasps and Rose reaches for her sister, but it is too late. Cookie is gone and nosheen knows where to. This is where the episode ends. I leave a comment that says, “COOKIE! NO!” with a shocked emoji. Well that’s enough Facebook for now, I take out my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR.

The game starts up and goes directly to the beginning sequence. I am back in the cart with Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric. This stupid thing has looped again! I quietly curse at the Thalmor, who I blame for the loop. Then I find myself singing a song from Silent Hill 4 called Tender Sugar… “Not again, not again, not again, this dream I can't awake. What is real, what is real, what is real? It's getting hard for me to take. What I need, what I need, what I need, a little something I rely. And the white sugar gently hides me. Oh the sweet sugar saves me, it's the room that confines me…” The driver of the carriage calls back to stop that singing. I stop singing and I realize Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric are all staring at me. Can they hear me? This game wasn’t supposed to have voice recognition… Ralof tells me to go ahead and keep singing… what are they going to do? Execute me twice? This sets Lokir off, he says it’s all Ralof’s and Ulfric’s fault that he got captured and if he had his way he would see both of them burned alive over a low fire so it would take a nice long time for them to die. Then he emphasizes that he doesn’t include me in that, he knows I’m no foul Stormcloak and… I tell him to cram it. He does a double take, but then for a wonder, he shuts up.

We arrive in Helgen and go in. I see Elenwen on a horse not far off. I mutter to myself that I will definitely fus her straight to Oblivion this time. A fus, a ro, and a dah and she will go flying off of the highest cliff I can find into the endless abyss. Then I realize I’m thinking aloud and Ulfric is looking at me and I shut up. Now I am in front of the Imperial captain who orders my unjust execution and the lyrics of Metallica come out… “Die, die, die, my darling! Don't utter a single word! Die, die, die, my darling! Just shut your pretty mouth, I'll be seeing you again. I'll be seeing you in Hell!” Then General Tullius is giving his monologue. Ulfric is completely ignoring him and looking at me. This seems to frustrate Tullius a bit, his monologue seems less confident and he finally walks off. Ulfric keeps staring at me. Now Evanescence lyrics from the song Taking Over Me come out, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself… “You don't remember me, but I remember you. I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you. But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do…” The lyrics trail off as I ask if Ulfric somehow DOES remember me… no, that’s impossible. This is another loop.

Everything goes normally from there. They try to have my head off and then Alduin attacks. I follow Ralof and the other Stormcloaks into the tower. But then it hits me that I’ve lost all of the progress I’d made in my previous game. This feels extremely depressing and I just drop to my knees under the weight of the depression. I ignore Ulfric when he says we need to move now, he’s not talking about me. Ralof tells me to get up the tower, but I ignore him, too. I say I think I’ll sit this one out. Ulfric asks what I’m waiting for. I look up, wondering why Ulfric would be addressing me when there are Stormcloaks who need to get away safely, including a wounded Stormcloak near me. I focus healing energy and he recovers. It must have been him Ulfric was talking to. I return to waiting to see what happens if I just sit here. Then someone is pulling me to my feet. I look and see Ulfric. He says he doesn’t know why I have decided to give up so easily… I say I have done this sooooo many times… Ulfric continues and says there’s no way the Dragonborn would give up, we’re leaving now. Then Ralof is also pulling me up. If I don’t go I’ll probably get Ralof and Ulfric killed… but how does Ulfric know I’m Dragonborn? That hasn’t been discovered yet…

I get up and go along with Ulfric and Ralof. Aside from Ulfric being with us everything is following the normal course. I get separated for a bit and have to follow Hadvar until I find Ralof again. I don’t see Ulfric. Ralof says they got separated. The rest of the intro quest goes normally. I take too much pleasure in setting the Imperial captain on fire, the one who ordered my execution even though I wasn’t on the list. Ralof and I get out of Helgen just as Alduin is flying away. Ralof wants to get my promise that there will be no more talk of giving up. I realize my depression has lifted some and I no longer feel like giving this cycle up. I tell Ralof it was a passing depression, and it has passed now. I thank him for helping me. He says we are both safe, that’s what counts. We make our way to Riverwood before I wake up.