non-lucid

2019, 12-11



Skyrim: The Slaver Trap

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am at a mall with my mother. The fact my mother is coming with me into a mall should have triggered a reality check... she NEVER does that. But it seems normal to me. We go into the mall and start looking around. I have the idea the place is just about to close so we don't have much time. We go into a clothing store and I look to see if there is anything I like that will fit me. Neither my mom nor I find anything in our sizes. We leave and go to a video game / music store. There are both new and used games. I try a demo of a Mario Cart game, but I'm not doing very well. I keep driving off of the road. I start thinking the controller might be broken, because no matter how steady I hold it the car veers off to the right. I leave that and look for my mom. I don't see her. Apparently the game store is open later than the rest of the mall, it is still opening and showing no signs of closing. I go to another demo station. This has a cordless VR headset. I look at the price and cringe, it is almost $2,000. But I can still try the demo! I put the headset on and find I am in Skyrim VR. The graphics look great! I realize there are no controllers, but I can see my hands. My hands are the controllers! I want this sooooo bad... so I get into the demo.

I find I am in Windhelm just outside the Palace of the Kings. I have a quest marker near the main gates to Windhelm, so I hurry to there. Ambarys, the dark elf from the New Gnsis CornerClub is there waiting. What does he want? He's one of the most racist assholes in Windhelm, along with Rolff Stone-Head. When I approach him he says he was about to give up on me coming. I wonder if I could help him get over his racist tendencies. I have decided I need a way to do this that doesn’t involve a fus to the face. That is not very effective. With this in mind, as Ambarys and I leave Windhelm I start singing the song See Who I Am by Within Temptation. “Is it true what they say? Are we too blind to find a way? Fear of the unknown clouds our hearts today. Come into my world, see through my eyes. Try to understand, don't want to lose what we have…” Ambarys asks if I’m now a bard, too? I don’t answer, I just continue. “See who I am, break through the surface. Reach for my hand, let's show them that we can free our minds and find a way. The world is in our hands, this is not the end.” Light energy forms around us and flows through Ambarys. I don’t know what brought him to hate those different than him, but this should help more than a fus to the face.

We soon arrive at an isolated part of the road from Windhelm to Kynesgrove. I tell Ambarys to keep hidden, I’ll go out there and be a traveler to hopefully draw the orc out. Ambarys says if the orc gets me there’s nothing he can do. I say if the orc gets me it will be the orc’s problem, not Ambarys’. It is late afternoon as I walk down the street as if I’m in no particular hurry to get anywhere. I hear someone call for help from behind a bush. I carefully approach and find a male orc leaning on a tree, holding his side. I ask if he is ok. He says a bandit attacked him and he needs help. I get a little closer and he jumps on me. I respond immediately with a fus. FUS-RO-DAH! The orc is launched into the air. He flies out across the road and slams into a tree. He struggles to get up. I tell him I know he is the one who has been kidnapping travelers and selling them as slaves, that ends now. He is pissed and says I won’t live to tell anyone. I ask where he has been taking the slaves he captures. He says he’ll never tell me. I use my telepathy and read it from his mind. I tell him he just did tell me. He pulls out an axe and comes at me. It is too easy to cut him down with my Alex Mercer blade.

I return to Ambarys and ask if he has seen anyone else involved with the slaves. He says no, just the orc. And he only made the one deal with him, he’d never done anything like that before. He seems desperate to make me believe that. He says I have to tell the jarl that. I say my word might not mean a lot since I fus’d said jarl in the face for being rude. He looks shocked and asks what the jarl did… I shrug and say he fus’d me back. Then I start to wonder if I screwed up and will have to load a previous save. Fus’ing Ulfric in the face probably isn’t the best way to get his cooperation, but maybe solving the slave trade issue will make up for it. I tell Ambarys I won’t mention his involvement, but I can’t say that for anyone else. Tell everyone it had to look like he was in on the slave trade to keep from tipping that orc off. And the orc is in multiple pieces, he can’t argue. We are headed back when I wake up.

Morning of December 10, 2019. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,349-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min.



My mother and I were to get off the bus in Northside La Crosse in the afternoon. There is a distraction, and we remain en route to Southside La Crosse. My mother is annoyed (though this is illogical, as she seems more aware than I am in this dream and should have been aware of an upcoming bus stop).

My non-lucid dream has robbed me of my identity, which is typical. There is no recall of my mother dying in 2002 and no recall of any factor in my life since the 1980s, and yet my dream self feels perhaps 40 years old. Ultimately, this is not deliberate in a specific sense, but a result of incidental synaptic gating. However, synaptic gating works in a way to avoid a valid waking-life recall until the final gating factor with full consciousness. My non-lucid dreams are also the opposite of waking-life correlation (unless prescient or transpersonal). The trip from Northside La Crosse to Southside La Crosse would be typical in real life, as we already lived in Northside La Crosse, so my dream’s situation is ridiculous, that is, the direct opposite of the truth.

My dream’s induction is all about imaginary proprioception. When I try to get off the bus from its right, even though other passengers get off (including my mother), I only see a small opening, about two-thirds the size needed. This event is the wall mediation factor (that occurs throughout every sleep cycle). It indicates that I cannot move my physical body as I sleep (and although my waking orientation is usually to the right as I sleep on my left side, there is an additional factor here, explained later). I complain to the driver that I cannot get off the bus (either move my real body or yet correlate my imaginary dream body with my dream self’s perception). Another opening appears to the left of the first, about where real bus doors would be in America. It is more like a door, but irregular, still not big enough for me to get off the bus. I become slightly more dream-cognizant and teleport to where my mother is standing, near a group of people. We are at the post office (potential for enigmatic space or liminal space communication).

I start complaining about having lost my bag of books (cognitive arousal). I consider someone else might have taken them. My mother informs me that they are near where she is standing. Although I pick them up, this focus vanishes in the next scene.

We have to go back to Northside La Crosse, our original destination. I decide to go in a particular direction (that is fictitious). I instinctually summon water reinduction (virtual melatonin mediation). A beautiful river is on our right as we walk along a narrow road as my dream vivifies. We reach an area where we need to go up a slope. (This feature stems from the summoning of imaginary proprioception and vestibular system correlation that occurs in all longer dreams at one point or another, though I often use a staircase.) My dreaming experience vivifies again, just on the threshold of lucidity. However, I consider my mother will not be able to ascend the slope, so my cognizance (and imaginary physicality) decreases.

We somehow end up back near the La Crosse post office. A bus goes by, stopping briefly at an intersection (RAS autosymbolism of synaptic gating). This time, the doors are on the left and appear correct (big enough to get on and off the bus). I call out to my mother, “This is how buses should be.” (Why did I say this? Because with the synaptic gating event, I attain a subliminal recall that only buses in Australia look like this. However, I am still not aware of my true identity or the recall I live in Australia in real life.)

In the final scene, my mother boards a bus, saying it is the one we should take (back to Northside La Crosse), though I have my doubts. When we are on the bus, all I see are male and female students (all wearing the same uniforms as in an Australian school) from about sixth to eighth grades. I am uncertain if this is where we should be. This final synaptic gating event implies increasing cognizance (students going to school). Even though the students are Australian, I am not conscious until the last process. In hot weather, achieving consciousness (from the dream state) is more sluggish, validated by neuroscience.

---

2019, 12-09

Skyrim: A Fus for a Fus

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am at a toy show. I am there by myself, but that doesn't seem odd. I am looking at classic toys. I find a model of the God-Phoenix from G-Force anime. I always liked that ship so I look closer to see how much it is. I notice there are some pieces missing, but they look like pieces I could make myself out of clay. And the price is way discounted because of the damage! I pick it up and see part of it slides open to reveal the interior. This is cool. There are little figures sitting inside the ship. I take the ship to the cashier to buy it. The cashier looks at the model, then at the price, then calls his assistant over. He gets angry at the assistant, saying he labeled the God Phoenix wrong. He reveals to me that the price is somewhere around ten times what it was marked. After briefly arguing I give up and leave without the model. I wonder if he priced it wrong on purpose to get people wanting it and unwilling to let it go when they find out the real price. I am angry and I walk outside, not paying much attention to those around me. Our of the corner of my eye I see a woman trying to hold a sick looking man up. My anger fades and I go to help her. When she looks up I see she is an elf... it's Suvaris from Skyrim! She asked where I'd gone, leaving my friend to her. I look and see the man is Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower books. I look around and I realize I'm not in Tucson anymore. It looks more like Windhelm. I help Suvaris support Roland to take him... I don't remember where we're taking him, but I hope he can get help.

Suvaris, Roland, and I arrive at the Palace of the Kings. Suvaris says she won’t go inside. I tell her there is no reason not to help me get Roland inside. She says there is a good reason, but continues helping me as I get Roland inside. Ulfric is in there and asks who Roland is? Ulfric sees Suvaris even though she is trying to stay hidden behind Roland and me. Ulfric looks annoyed and asks what she’s doing here. I say she’s helping with my friend, who has been poisoned. Ulfric says he wants Suvaris out now. I tell Ulfric not to make me fus him. Ulfric says he will agree to a lot of things but he will not… I don’t want to hear another rude word so I turn and fus Ulfric in the face. FUS-RO-DAH! He flies into the wall. Suvaris looks shocked and asks what I’ve done. I say it's no big deal, all I did was fus Ulfr… I lose my hold on Roland as I get fus’d. I am thrown against a wall, now I’m fighting uncontrollable laughter. The fact I got fus’d back seems hilarious. Now I want to try something. I get up and ask if Ulfric calls that a fus, that wasn’t a fus, it was a gentle breeze. I annoy him into fus’ing me again, but I respond with Whiplash by Metallica. The force of the fus reflects back at Ulfric. I tell Roland I’ve learned something new… it IS possible to fus yourself! Then I crack up laughing.

I take hold of Roland again and my laughter dies instantly. He’s burning up with fever. The poison has come back with a vengeance. Suvaris says to stop this nonsense, she’s leaving. She pushes Roland onto me and leaves. Roland is barely conscious. He calls me Susan and tries to kiss me. He is delirious. I tell him I’m not Susan… I’m Raven. It looks like Ulfric wants to be pissed but is more curious. He asks how I did that; how did I turn his shout back on him? It’s the whiplash effect, which will reflect any energy-based attack back at the attacker. To be honest I’d been unsure if it would work on a fus. Roland passes out. Ulfric motions to a couple guards (who surprisingly stayed out of our fus exchange) and they take Roland. I tell them no, leave Roland alone, I’m the one who attacked Ulfric, Roland did nothing… let him go or I'll fus your asses straight to... Ulfric interrupts and says they will take Roland to the court mage, Wuunferth, to get healing. He says a guard told him one of the elves was helping me catch a slave trader? Crap… I’m supposed to meet Ambarys to stop that orc! I look at Roland as the guards take him from the room. I hesitate. Ulfric insists Roland will be fine. I say I have to stop the orc and leave, only to wake up just outside the doors.

Not much to report this week. nothing vivid.

Last week I commented I missed dreams of having a hug with Jamie. so.... As if in response I get a dream we are making out passionately. Not quite Just hugging but I won't complain.

Second dream, was me walking around a house with Jamie in it. And she was being really quiet and kind of avoiding me. Okay so she's at the, "I'll be good to you and go back to being mad at you." phase.

Haunted

A dream of being in a large haunted abandoned building with people from the youtube channel: The paranormal files. Jamie was there but she went missing in the giant abandoned place and the rest of us were looking for her.

Morning of December 9, 2019. Monday.

Dream #: 19,348-02. Reading time: 3 min 20 sec.



Sleep-wake mediation begins with the typical activation of the preconscious simulacrum (reticular activating system personification) as intrusive to make my dream state less inviting and sustainable. My identity is extant to a partial degree, as I recall Zsuzsanna and our family, but our home is fictitious. The preconscious simulacrum is an unfamiliar woman who is staying with us and is supposedly Zsuzsanna’s friend. She has a young daughter and son. At one point, it is late at night, and I cannot rest or focus because she and her children are making noise (with the attempt to pull me out of the dream state), so I tell them to get out. There is increased neuron energy in my annoyance, which vivifies my dream, but this does not wake me. Even so, a wall opens up, though it leads more inward into the dream state by my intent, and I see everyone else walking out into a forest. It is still night.

I walk into the forest, finding it a pleasurable setting. The woman and her two children have gone behind some dense shrubbery. The vague awareness my dream is becoming a bathroom wake-up call remains in the background. The preconscious becomes an animal semblance. A bear is in the woods, so I decide to turn around and find shelter. Ambiguity becomes a factor, and the house no longer exists, but there is still a bathroom left. I go in. The bear follows me, but I close the door. At times, I can see its claws slide in and out under the door. I hold the door closed, my strength keeping the bear from coming in. Wall mediation vivifies my dream and increases awareness of my identity. Imaginary physicality and momentum become more realistic.

I try to sustain my dream despite my need to wake. I fill my hands with water from the running faucet of the bathtub on my right. The tangibility of the water is amazingly realistic, and I can feel its heat (cortical arousal overriding virtual melatonin mediation). I think the bear might be annoyed by the hot water, so I continue to fling it under the door. The bear seems annoyed but does not leave. The dynamics of cortical arousal integrate more with the situation, and guns appear. I suddenly have a Beretta in my right hand, and there are now weapons and several rounds of ammunition on the other side of the door. I shoot the pistol under the door at a rocket launcher. My act implies ambiguous intent as I typically use fire to wake myself. The house exists again. The missile curves, but its trajectory remains adjacent to the outer walls of the house. With x-ray vision, I see its flames. I also hear a loud sizzling. I am amused. I anticipate it will explode near the front of the house. I sense my thoughts creating the dream content, but release the dynamics of cortical arousal so that I remain in the dream state. As a result, the rocket does not explode.

I make one more attempt to reset my dream. I open the door, and the bear becomes smaller, backs away, and falls into a pothole filled with water. Only its head is visible. The house is gone again, and it is if I am looking at a street. Even so, I turn to go into the forest, and the house appears again.

Sleep-wake mediation continues, and my dream’s potential exit point renders as a store’s checkout (which is common). Zsuzsanna is here. The preconscious personification is here with her two children, except they are now both boys. I make one more attempt to remain in the dream state. I walk back to the beginning of the checkout and pick up a magazine (cognitive arousal). Liminal awareness that reading is often not viable in the dream state causes the magazine to fly out of my hands and slap against the ceiling, briefly sticking to it (vestibular cortex liminality). Two can play at this game, so I use telekinesis to cause the magazine to fly rapidly all around the checkout area and slap into my hands three times. The preconscious, now a man, looks on with puzzlement, and I finally wake myself by going to the end up the checkout (exit point).

---

Compare this with another recent bathroom wake-up call dream where I was in an underwater bathroom and holding the door against a giant catfish. Another dreaming experience rendered the RAS semblance as a vulture, blocking me from the bathroom in that instance because of vestibular system correlation and drop anticipation (with its association with flying or falling). There was one with the same dynamics with a snake, and one with a lioness as the RAS semblance. Some people might wonder why a different RAS semblance occurs with what is otherwise the same simple process each time. The reason is to prevent a pattern from emerging, which would confuse the dream self into thinking there is wakefulness consistency present.

---

Cauliflower Spaceship
I'm far away in space and in the far future. I'm on a massive spaceship that was damaged from the inside, by a battle I think, I can't recall. I'm explaining to the crew that a chemical reaction near the engines created oxygen that was leaking to the fuel line, making us go way faster than we should. We were way off course, doomed to be lost in space as our ship was damaged.

Suddenly our ship is destroyed. We have spacesuits on and float through space uncontrollably. I see an alien ship, it looks like a cauliflower. The front of it splits into 6 triangular pieces that open up to reveal a massive swirling portal inside the ship. We fall straight into the portal and find ourselves falling to an alien planet. Somehow we land safely. We are in an alien city that looks to be very advanced technologically. On the side of the road there's a booth that gives you a shower and new clothes instantly. I try it out and in a flash, my skin is dripping wet and I have a brand new suit on that's still warm like it was just ironed out. There's another smaller machine that creates coffee from some sort of recycling. It looks bad and smells like poop, which makes throw up before I even taste it. Dream ends.

Memory-erasing hostile aliens
I'm with army friends next to a big lake that is unfamiliar. This location doesn't look like Finland. There is a mountain range behind us that the other soldiers turned to sand with some bizarre weapon. Then the dream gets confusing, because we encounter aliens that eat memories. I can only recall quick moments of action. We were driving in jeeps, most likely leaving the lake. Another moment there is a towering alien with no facial features, like a silhouette, standing in front of us. We start firing at it, but my memory cuts there. I recall the alien firing a green plasma orb.

Suddenly I'm standing on the road leading to my childhood home. The gaps in my memory terrify me. The aliens are using my worst fear against me. The streets are empty. I run to the house and turn on the TV. The news make no mention of the aliens. No one else can remember them, even though they could be everywhere. My brother is in the house and sees my worried look, asking what's going on. The fear wakes me up and persists even while awake. Takes a moment for me to realize that it's safe now.

I had a dream this afternoon that Selah, Arya, and Racquel were staying over (Selah and Arya came up from [city], while Racquel drove over from home). We were living at our other house, and planning to sleep in the family room with all the mats.

We had some cool conversations (talking is relatively uncommon in my dreams):

Selah: *looks around, not displeased but kinda disappointed*
Me: What's wrong?
Selah: I was just thinking there would be more places to sleep? But I brought my sleeping bag so it's okay
Me, looking around at the 3 mats, with three more stacked right beside them: ...We have more that I can bring if you want


Selah brought her laptop and started playing an adventure/strategy game, where you move a knight around and also move blocks out of his way so he can proceed (like the game Moss in VR). It also had fighting, which Arya noted was pretty well done. It eventually changed to Minecraft, and Arya picked up Davey's Chromebook and started playing too. I joined too, and Racquel sat on the stack of mattresses across from us.

Me: How long will you guys be able to stay?
Selah: Looks up, doesn't say anything
Arya: 4 weeks
Me, realizing she meant winter break: Oh, I meant staying at our house. Which I love, I'm just wondering
Racquel: Oh, 4 weeks

Dream ends sometime later.

2019, 12-06

The Dark Tower: Slaves in Skyrim



Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am at a school. I am looking for my class. It seems I have forgotten where it is. I have some idea, but not an exact one. I need to look at my schedule, but I don't have that with me, either. The office should be able to give that to me, but I know I will be late. I head for the office. Even if I miss class today I will need it later. When I am on my way to the office I see an area that looks familiar. A circular building with rooms around it. Maybe I remember now... I count doors until I find the one closest to the main building. I peek in the window and see it is my class. With a sigh of relief I go inside. It doesn't look like the teacher is in yet. I sit at my computer and load up the project I'm working on. This is a programming course and my project is game related. I ask my neighbor where the teacher is. He looks at me like I'm an idiot and says this is a free study period, we just work on our projects. I feel a bit dumb. I drag a couple things around and edit a line of code then I compile. It looks good, I need a test. I put on a virtual reality headset to test my progress.

I am now in Skyrim VR. I look around, surprised to see this instead of my project. I am in the New Gnisis Cornerclub in the Gray Quarter of Windhelm. I do a double-take as I see the man beside me is Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower books. There are people sitting around eating and drinking and chatting. Roland does a double-take, he seems as surprised to be here as I am. The bartender, Ambarys, tells us that our kind aren’t welcome here. The room goes quiet as everyone turns to see what is going on. I see everyone in the room is a dark elf. I tell Roland we have to find our way back to the beach anyhow, I am thinking to get Roland back to the right place at least. He says to wait, he hears something. He walks to the far wall, which seems to alarm Ambarys. Roland says someone behind that wall needs help. Ambarys says that’s absurd, there’s nothing beyond that wall.I use Aura Whisper to see if there is anyone back there. Laas-yah-nir… There are three people back there! I search the wall and find a loose panel. When I pull that panel the wall slides open.

A blast of gas comes out of a small room. Two men and a woman are chained up in the room. The woman is weakly calling for help. The men are sleeping. As the gas clears the prisoners start waking up. Roland talks to the woman. She says she remembers very little… an orc needed help but then he blew something in her face and said she would make a good slave… A woman I recognize as Suvaris from Skyrim says, “Oh, Ambarys… slaves? You’re trading slaves?!” Ambarys says he’s just holding them until their owner comes back and takes them to sell them. That damn orc said they would stay asleep the whole time! Revyn Sadri asks, “What have you done?” Other customers are voicing their disapproval. Ambarys is surprised at their reactions. He says he did it for them! With the coin he makes he can make a better life for all of them! Suvaris says people like Ambarys are why things never get any better around here! I get the chains off of the prisoners. One man is disoriented, the other mutters expletives about an orc. They have only minor injuries, so I use a healing spell and fix that up.

Ambarys is worried someone will tell the jarl about the slaves and he’ll be executed. I tell him to help me catch the orc and I’ll make sure he’s safe. He finally says he heard the orc talking to an outsider about a place he waylays travelers. A guard comes to arrest Ambarys. I say no, don’t. He says the jarl ordered it. I tell him to tell Ulfric that Ambarys is working with the dragonborn to stop to this slave trade bullshit, which is what he asked me to do. So unless the guard wants to explain how the slave trader got away… the guard asks how he can be sure I’m the dragonborn. I fus Ambarys with one word then ask how many people can do that? The guard says he will inform the jarl and leaves. Ambarys asks why I fus’d him. I say it was for getting hooked in this slave business instead of reporting the orc. He says he doesn’t care who is sold as a slave unless it’s a Dunmer. I hold my thumb and forefinger a centimeter apart and tell him he is that close to getting a full fus for being a racist asshole. He says it’s the Nords who are racist. I agree some are, and I fus them for it, too.

I tell Ambarys to show me where the meeting point is. He says no, the orc will kill him. I say the orc would have to get past me first, and that won’t happen. Is he going to show me or was I wrong when I said he was helping me stop the slave trade around here? He reluctantly says he’ll show me. He needs to get something and I should meet him by the gate. I tell him to make sure and be there. He says he will. He goes upstairs. Roland is looking sick again. Suvaris asks what is wrong, I tell her Roland has been poisoned… Suvaris says Wuunferth should have a potion, just get Roland to the palace. She says she can help me get him there, but she won’t go in, her kind is not welcome. I tell her that’s bullshit; anyone is welcome there. She says I clearly don’t know how things work here. I say I do, and I know it is going to change really fast or the Thalmor are going to tear this place apart and break the tower and plunge Nirn and Mundus and all of the planes of Oblivion into chaos and… I think I said too much. Roland is getting worse, so I accept Suvaris’ help. But as she is helping me with Roland I wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Picking up toys, like bikes and cars, from the side of the road, that some people threw away. But a lady tells me one of the cars I picked up is actually not tossed away, belongs to a kid who just happens to leave it outside after playing with it. I apologize and promise her to take it back as soon as possible. As we are standing at the front door of someone, a guy approaches and points to a bag on the floor with two postal packages inside, apparently just forgotten there. He asks if he can take it and we find suspicious, so we check the names of the recipient. My neighbor says she knows the person and will make sure the bag is delivered to her. The guy is insisting on taking it himself and we say no. He eventually leaves.

Meet Zilla and some other friends, they go to a snack-bar to eat something. They are regulars there. The managers are two alternative-looking girls, but the place looks very conventional. I study a poster on the wall, showing homemade biscuits with either caramel or strawberry jam and I feel like trying it. But I stay at the door, cause I am in a hurry and don't wanna sit down. Then my friends order some soups and they demand to the managers to have a free soup everyday for this group, since they are regulars and very good clients. I am interested in a free soup, so I then join them, pretending I have been part of this group of customers since ever. They know I am not, but they are really nice and offer me a soup anyway. It is very comforting.

2019, 12-05

The Dark Tower: Hijacked Door

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing a game of Ratchet and Clank VR. I am wondering where I managed to find such a cool game. I am thinking it's a prototype and I'm testing it. The strange thing is I am not playing as Ratchet. I am Ratchet's partner. He has Clank on his back as usual, and I am also working with him. I still get to use all of the same cool weapons from a Ratchet and Clank game. We are on planet Pokitaru in some kind of factory. We are making our way through the factory to shut down the production of evil robot clones that are programmed to kill on sight. Right now I am thinking Dr. Nefarious is behind it. There are two levels up ahead. Ratchet makes use of Clank’s helipack and they take the second level. I am on the lower level blasting enemy robots that are coming from both sides. I glance up and see Ratchet cruise across an opening with Clank’s help.

I come to a door and go through it onto a beach. My blaster is out of ammo! I put it in an interdimensional pocket as I look to see where I am now. I see a man up the beach a short way. I head in that direction and I find the man is Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower books. He is getting quite sick from the poison of the lobstrocities. I healed his hand, but the poison remains. I use more healing energy on him to help him feel better, but it will not heal the poison. He will feel better for a while but will get sick again. In order to make him truly well we need medicine from Eddie Dean’s world. We soon come to a door with the words “The Prisoner” carved on it. This is the door! Roland, feeling quite a bit better if only for a short time, opens the door. Before either of us can react black tendrils reach through the door and grab both of us. We are pulled through the door and it slams closed behind us.

We are on a vast and desolate plane surrounded by a strange group of assholes. Taheen and Can-Toi from the Dark Tower books, Thalmor from Skyrim, and Templars from Assassin’s Creed. A Taheen with the head of a bear says we should have let go of our quest for the Dark Tower, but now they will have to kill us. I focus on creating an Immortal Fire from the song Dark Power of Abyss by Rhapsody. “Suddenly, the unreal silence is broken by a lament… a lament coming up from the deepest, darkest abyss. And from the seven gates of the dark fortress, the dead come back to life to face them… this is hell!” The bear Taheen tells me to shut up, but it’s too late. “Immortal Fire, now rise, light my heart, light my way through the darkness, a guardian of space and time!” A wall of light fire explodes out from Roland and me, incinerating all of the enemies in its path. There could be more enemies, Roland is thinking the same. He runs for the door and goes through it. I follow him, hoping the beach is waiting for us on the other side. But instead of getting there I wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some office or school building. It is quite empty. There is only a couple of persons with me and walking around. But we hear scary sounds and a couple zombies come through the door. We fight them with whatever we have. I pick a sturdy ceramic cup to smash their heads, but unlike movies, their skulls are thick. I hit them several times and they almost don't flinch. I am even feeling sorry for hurting them. But we escape to outside where we find hungry dogs also posing a threat, but we go up and down some stairs after throwing some food at them and we run to a residencial area. In the residences there are lots of people and life runs as normal. Someone is throwing a party with loud music as night approaches and neighbors are at the windows talking at each other about doing something to shut it down. I am staying at a house with my parents or at least they had some involvement in setting it up for me. My dad was just there to show some wall he built in the back of the house for extra protection, which comes in handy. But I still plan to look for some safer place. I grab as much food as I can and pack bags and go to a train station or airport. They don't want to allow me to take all my food with me and I complain, but as long as I can embark I am ok. I just want to leave.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

In London visiting a friend. On arrival I see 2 triple rainbows and I do my best to photograph it, but only catch the first one already fading. Many people are watching the phenomenon, halting their cars on the road, also taking pics. As I wonder looking for a better spot to take the best shot, I get lost to a very rich and high tech zone, where basically people live and work inside a huge compound. Cars even go inside and roads cross through these humongous building. Some people never even have to go out for anything. It is completely segregated from the outside world. I don't even know how I managed to got inside but I don't ever leave a secondary area, which is basically a technical service area and access to parking. Soon I find an exit and I am on my way to meet my friends. Zilla is already with our London friend and we go to the subway. My friend was summoned by her boss and she believes she is going to be fired. But she hates his guts, he has treated her very very abusively and she wants to defend herself and maybe tell him some truths she's been keeping to herself. And for that she asks for our backup.
We are outside the door of his office, but we can hear their meeting as it goes and the dude is disgusting. She tries to defend herself but clearly he is determined to get rid of her and comes up with a lot of insults and shitty lying arguments. Then he becomes aggressive, calls her names and we can't take it anymore, so we barge in and I push him and slap him. He fights back so I beat the crap out of him. He says he is going to call the cops and present charges and say we assaulted him. But I am carrying a gun in my back pocket, not sure where I got it and I point it at him. I say we came with the intention to use it, but we were being nice and all, so I suggest he just calls it a day. He is panicking and promises not to tell a word if we just go. We go and my friend is like "are you crazy?" But very thankful. Later on, randomly, we see the same guy sitting at some diner and we notice that the server seems a bit crazy or is also taking revenge on him, so we observe the scene. He asks for pizza and a cake and she brings him frozen pizza and a frozen cake. He doesn't seem to understand that and he actually takes a bite of each. He yells mad and the girl doesn't flinch, she continues being a total disaster serving him, touching everything with her hands, spilling juice on him and making a mess. We guess she is actually doing it on purpose.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At a magic convention, meeting point is the base of some mountains. As we gather at what looks like a door carved in the rock, with images and writing on the tab around it, the rock starts glowing and bursting into flames and becomes a portal to an underground world. Those that do not deserve entering are crushed at the entrance by falling slabs. I and my friends, we enter without issues, by crossing the flaming rock and inside we follow a corridor leading to an underground city of Incan descendants. It basically consist of gigantic chambers, carved in the stone, connected to one another. Some look like temple rooms, with beautiful carved walls and ceilings and a giant empty space in the center, where people just gather. Others have buildings inside. Their rulers are considered demi-gods and they are white as snow, but the people are dark skinned, like the original incans. I actually understand the light skin on someone living for ages underground, I have more trouble understanding the people who retained their dark skin tone living there.
When they see us the first time, they look at us as invaders and become defensive, but then they notice we are white and I am particularly pale, so they think we must also be gods, so we are taken to their rulers, who welcome us in their chambers.
A baby comes out of nowhere crawling in my direction. He is quite big and heavy despite being an infant - has the size of a 3-4 year old. I pick him up and he wants mothers milk. I point it out to someone and they say he is the queen's son and they will call the queen. But she takes ages to come and the poor baby is desperate. I almost offer my breasts but I have no milk so makes no sense. Meanwhile he starts to poop on me. He makes a helluva pile of poop, about half his body size. But his poop is basically a large string of kefir like white substance, nothing dirty, just weird.
The queen finally arrives and picks him up. They organize us in different groups, according to age and gender and some guides/ chaperones are appointed to tour with us. They assign a group of three 20 year old girls to keep me company. We are close to a majestic building (looks very modern though, not ancient Inca) and they point out some handsome blond dude coming out of some kind of vehicle, being escorted to the building. I say he looks exactly like the actor Ryan Phillipe. They have no clue whom I am talking about. They tell me he is the crown prince and they sigh at just how dreamy they think he is.

Morning of December 3, 2019. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,342-02. Reading time: 1 min 40 sec.



My dream begins with the instinctual anticipation of wall mediation, the usual maneuvering between dream space and waking space. There is no imaginary proprioception as cognitive arousal dominates my transition in this case. I sit on a bed in an unknown location without my waking-life identity. I read details in a newspaper for two television shows. I am to participate in the filming of a new series that involves a casual conversation with a celebrity. The “gatekeeper” (personified preconscious) between dream space and waking space is an unfamiliar Australian actor.

I stand up when I see the word “EXCITE” flashing in midair (an instinctual association with cortical arousal). Even though I am in an indoor setting, the whole wall is open directly to the street, and an oncoming jeep is carrying the actor to my location. The preconscious simulacrum is a passive rendering. He sits on the bed as we talk about the conditions of his environment. “What is it like to live in such a hot, dry climate,” I ask him - as if I live in a different region. He talks about himself and his status. At this point, I notice a big cardboard box near the bed (compartmentalization of the process) that contains outdoor features such as grass, rocks, and small shrubs. There is also a seemingly tame Australian possum running around in the box. This feature is meant to induce recall of my waking life, as Zsuzsanna had a pet possum while we were writing to each other, but the heat (in real life) makes cortical arousal sluggish. Instead, I ask the man if all possums are as tame as this one. He answers in the negative. He seems slightly impatient.

The processing changes back to cognitive. The simulacrum subsides for a time. I read about the actor in his fictitious television series from years previously, though the preconscious process heightens to the imaginary inference of intrusion. I read the name of the show as “Bryant’s Bandits” (typical redundant dream state phonetics like “Tony Karoni” from years ago).

I instinctually try to reinduce my dream with water reinduction as virtual melatonin mediation. I teleport to a big lake. The actor is seemingly filming a new episode of “Bryant’s Bandits,” which is about men on a submarine with him as the captain, though they are not criminals but military. He stands atop the submarine while his men stand on the shore. The sleep-wake mediation becomes preconsciously authoritative, so I let myself wake into another hot day.

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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Caught on a time loop with some people who are also aware of it. We are at school, the afternoon class was canceled and I am not sure if I stay and eat at the canteen or if I go lunch at home. Out of nowhere there is an explosion and we all die and go back to half an hour before and relive the moment. It seems we can't get out of it or change it and I watch each and every one of the others losing it, going insane. But I also start noticing small changes in the history every time we relive it. I start exploring the moment from other angles. Until I finally find the bomb and the guys who set it up. It won't be easy to disable it but now there is hope, so I go back to my friends and tell them the news just before the explosion happens again.