non-lucid

Finally worked for out of the box the past 2 days. Did half a day today because I mowed over a wasps nest in didsbury. Got stung on each ankle - counted at least 2 stings on my right ankle. Pretty sure I'm not allergic. I'll be fine. Just sore like a mofo.

Had a funny convo with the Jamie voice one morning while I was in a drive thru waiting for coffee. Line was taking forever and I was getting impatient. The Jamie voice sensing something, said, " yeah Robert, hurry up!" So I try to explain I'm stuck and I ask why she's being like this? "I'm just practicing..." I'm like: for what? "For when we're married." Oh really?


Dreams.

Had trouble sleeping for a few nights due to animals. My dog ate a bunch of cat food and had bathroom problems. This is after I told every one in the house to keep the cat food in a high place. Do they listen to the guy who's lived with cats and dogs before? No, so I had to get up almost every hour of the night to let him out.

Last night a roommate's new kitten got left in my sleeping area and was pestering me all morning.

2 fragments

Driving

Was driving in a strange wooden area at night with a swamp nearby. My car got stuck and suddenly I was no longer in it. A car below me whizzed by. I looked where the car drove all I was as a vine and swamp. I was thinking it's impossible for a car to drive through it. Yet, I saw it. Memory fades after.

Jesus

Jesus was saying to me and Jamie, " Be patient my children, For I will bring you two together soon, and soon after, You will be with me in paradise." Suddenly we are with Jesus on a beach. He's sitting in a lawn chair under some shade. He has a peach colored drink that is most likely non alcoholic. He's also wearing sunglasses and grinning wide. He's like that out of touch Dad who adopts his children's lingo to seem cool - but usually is just making his children cringe with embarrassment. But I get the feeling that he's just pretending to be that guy, as a sort of joke. Which, actually makes it kind of funny.

Note: no one should be concerned about him saying we will be with him in paradise SOON. Which almost implies bodily death. He is a God who claims to be completely outside of time and space, so, soon, could mean days, months or even years...

Woke up to the sun. So bright. (writes dreams) Honestly I should just get up. Or…

On the side of a road, On top of a hill was a place full of stores and services. Usually I would just stop to get something to eat or for my dad to pick up some gas for the trip. But after coming twice it got apparent that I was a more regular visitor than anyone else. As it happened that my dad would be doing something and I would have to stay and wait for hours. I had some time to kill talking to people my age. As I ganged their trust (GET IT LOL HAHAHAH pls laugh) they told me that they run sort of a “little” gang here and that they run all of the stores. I said that's pretty cool and after a while of wandering around and doing different things. Eventually I joined the “motorcycle gang”. Which was what everyone's little nickname was for it. I surprisingly wasn't expected to stay or to come often but when I do eventually come often I would have access to all the lounges and stuff. I made some friends and they wanted to go get lunch at a supermarket. I came with them. We found a spot with Chinese food and different types of chicken. As I ordered my food I realized it was gone. So I went back to go get something else. At the time the kids were waiting for me. Another line started to grow so in a bit of a panic I got some chicken legs because they happened to be way cheaper. As I continued in the line one of the people behind the counter asked if I joined yet. (Let's call him bill. I was already talking to him before lunch) I said yes so for confirmation he went to one of the people I was with and they said yea. As I continued up I realized that they never gave me an ID card to order. Bill started to speak to the guy running the supermarket. (Lets name him Joey) “Yo Joey wanna watch what happens if you don't have your ID card?” Joey, already knowing what was about to happen declined, lacking interest. Bill pulled out a knife from his side pocket and went to attack him. I grabbed his arms and tackled him. Throwing the knife out of the way. A narrator said that in his mind he thought I would’ve been a good leader. I ran through the store, chicken legs in hand looking for more food I could grab. After about to grab a pastry I saw Joey running closer to me so I ran out the door. I looked for a car I could drive and after I saw a lady getting out of the car to set it up for a refuel I sprinted in the car and got it out of park. I drove right to the entrance of the plaza and luckily there were no cars. As I drove on the highway and onto an exit. The road started to be filled with houses. It was a mixture of country, suburban and ghetto. Gained lucidity, As I got to a part where the road was grass I slowed down and I saw that the side of the road was covered with extended houses. As I drifted past many I messed up and hit the structure of the house. Luckily it was still connected to the ground so it didn't collapse. Shortly after I ran into a tree. Realizing that this was a good time to let him pass by, I waited for a second but realized he was far behind. (car skills are way too good honestly) I continued on the road and reached a neighborhood. In the middle of the road was a group of three cars and two police officers on each side. Moving them. I went to the side and drove right past them. After some more insane moves I got to an intersection where there were hundreds of police cars. I immediately got out of the car. I randomly jumped (scooby dooby doo style) and then raised my hands up. I got arrested and a cutscene began of me getting free and getting 280 thousand dollars. Then I woke up.

The dream started with me floating in the back left corner of an indoor concert hall. I observed some sort of concert taking place. It wasn't lively, but eerily calm. It was pitch black around the venue. All I could make out was that the stage was black, and the crowd area was level.The lights were flickering, and the music sounded like a light industrial metal song playing - like a lighter version of skinny puppy's Convulsion. I float down to the crowd. Best way I can describe the scenery is that the crowd looked like a bunch of animatronics in the style of five nights freddies - half corroded and robotic. I stood there, some of them headbanging lightly to the music, the ones around me staring at me like they knew I didn't belong there. The way the lights would flash showing their faces was scary. I don't remember what the artists on stage looked like.

Litterfall
Bedroom carpet is oak leaves. Beneath slithers a world of worms. Some, various shapes of pasta. Some, elongated leeches, seeking. Others bulge blue with clitellums of slime and sundew spines. I collect. Inspect. Retrospect.

Dance On
They dance clockwise, two lines of humans hopping and whirling to haunted voices. I long to be part of the pomp. I've neither dress nor dance steps to match. I step in, none the less, stomping, shimmying, and spinning with fierce abandon. I disrupt the flow, I know, but care not. Others flutter to fringes. I dance on until the final mingled note of the last song.

Dog Day
A dog drowns, dragged under by the waves and wrath of a wild river. Aside, someone yells, "We can just refilm the dog scenes without the dog." Film crew falls back to their efforts. The rest lament the lost as the show goes on.

Re Risen
A home to the four footed, the six footed, and the feathered, has fallen. There is no sympathy for the 'soul-less' as the true soul-less step sightlessly around. Alone, I right the left, and yell, "Re-root! Re-rise!" After a tiny eternal time, roots grip ground. It stands, though at a one o'clock lean. It is re-risen!

Shifty
He took a nurse's face and fled. First a woman. Then man. Then child. He hid in a room with Fox and Scull. Salvation slides nigh but the lift lurched to a halt. He morphs into of clear blue gel blob. Slip through crack. Splat. He makes eternal escape.

Resurrection
At long last I wrench free my grandmothers home from the greedy grip of those with low respect. I'm greeted by shrapnel glass, scarred floors, walls of gaping dark sockets. It is a wooden corpse. It is my wooden corpse. Time to raise the dead.

Green Whisperer
She sings with flowers and speaks slow, soft words with trees. All with the touch of a golden glowing hand. She tries to save all that is good, growing, and green.

C-Wing
Sawbones swerve and c-wing patients test my patience. Time is a decrepit snake, slitering on and on and on... until a tender turns up. She dumps a tangle of threads onto the bed. They are the tatters of the dead. And now they all are mine.

Switched
Mirror, mirror, little mantis. Let us play a game. You swerve, I swerve. You step, I step. You pray, I pray. Let us see if friendship follows. DRIFT. Souls shift. And now I am magnificent. See through compound eyes. Behold the fleshy, foul creature across, caught without a prayer. Feel the insatiable urge to eat the twinkle from its eyes. Delicious despise.

Be a Dream
They find him, bits of battered bone and threads of scattered flesh. He is incomplete. Earth slips. Chest implodes. Words thin and wither. Within the gutted hollows of the husk I have become, are echoes. "This must be a dream. Must be a dream. Be a dream. Be a dream. Be a dream..."

Ice Palace
Her house is an iceberg in the midst of the sand. No entry. No exit. No hope. Bloodied hands punch, claw, and rip but I am unable to make a dent or get a grip on anything at all. Out of reach, through glass patches of ice, half frozen children are weeping. Sleet slips from their eyes.

Waterly
Pencils slip. Pages flip. Inspiration flows like spring swept springs. Then watercolors run wild. All artistry is defiled.

Vehicle
Tires and steering wheel disagree. Even with extra hands and webs of rope I can not claim my space, so surrender. I swerve away. Soon I bring up the rear of a family line. We plod pitted roads. Car begets quad, quad begets cardboard box cut to be a car. I carry it, this flimsy thing, that should rightly carry me. Still I carry on, and on, and on.

I was outside in the forest. We were on this hill with green grass. It was night time. There were people with lanterns and artificial lights around. It was dangerous to be with people without lights so we made sure to have enough lights. On the top of the hill was this rectangle cabin facing down on the hill. There weren't any doors though. That was a hotspot for people with lights. The bottom of the hill was a lake with rivers. I saw an animal but it was relatively harmless. Someone said make sure it doesn't bite. But it didn't. Yet my finger still hurt because it moved its head and crushed my finger a bit. After that I went up to the crowd and looked down to see hoards of people playing and chilling. Some with lights, some without. I looked to the right of me where there were people but they turned off their lights. Then I saw a wolf come close and then they got attacked. Everyone ran away and panicked. As we ran down the hill so did the wolf. We were all going to the right away from the hill. Where there were lights and cabins. I ran inside and let the wolf pass me but then I had the urge to run out. I even told myself I was so stupid and I'm gonna die like a horror movie. Then I ran to this big metal building like a garage or factory. I ran down till I met up with the wolf. I set up my gun but he attacked me before I could shoot. I continued to fight it. I killed him but he respawned but when I was low he finally died.
We went back to the hill. As me and a few others got to the top we saw on the bottom that there were hordes of people. Some were sick and hurting others. I realized that it was probably from drinking pool/bad water. Because the lake and rivers looked like pool water. I slid down a pole to get down. But then I woke up. I fell back asleep to the same dream where I ran away but got captured. The person tried to drown me. I thought they were gonna get me to drink the water.
I was able to fight the person away. As I ran I found a house. I started running to lock the doors and to close the blinds. Some kid entered but he didn't have a disease. So I told him to keep the doors locked. Then I went up to shower. There was lettuce, tomato, and food like life cereal. I ate while I was showering. (I heard someone say you should wash yourself so I did) I also drinked some water. I had this cutscene of a black guy working with a different guy and he said that he hoped that he won't get it and that his family went to the pool so he was scared that they could have got it. Then I got a random spoiler for inside out 2 lol. Disney has taken over our minds it's the end of the world!!!1!



Wasn't that scary but was still pretty scary. Really fun dream I loved it.

Sleepless
They need so much, such little souls. Steal space. Take time. Leech light. Weep, wail, bleed dry any succulence of dreams. Life... but a sleepless scream.

Reverse
Ram runs only in reverse so we rage, ass first, into rush hour rift.

Black Rock
Blackrock beckons through bush, bog, and corn stalks brown. Finally free of wandery, we drink. Canteen is a thin black tube taller, even, than I. Passers-by, envious of the abnormal flask ask me to set sale. I decline. Back to black rock trails I fly.

Neighborhood
Snowless is winter. Her kiss sharp. Her breath crisp. We, locked out, wait to get in. They, locked in, wait to get out. In balmy pockets neath slush topped puddles, the lucky ones live summer lives. Across the street slumps a man of filth and ragged surrender. Into his rusted cup I toss a coin. His head raises. He is THE Mr. Rogers. Smiling, he sings his song. Horrified, I trip away. I don't want to be his neighbor.

Lost:
I'm at a party with some family. It's a surprise visit, and I'm annoyed that I didn't get a heads up.
We're in a small-ish apartment, with a big crowd filling it up.
There are some puppies, one of them is an Aussie.
There is some texting mix up with K, so they think my girlfriend is pregnant.
...
I'm outside now in a questionable looking street.
There is a cartoon character doing voices walking down the street.
One of them is Peppino from Pizza Tower.
I'm with my coworker J, and we have taken on a life of crime.
We're going to sell some stolen things at a pawn shop.
It's a small place on a corner, similar to a gas station but even tinier.
I'm feeling nervous that we'll get caught, and also jealous that J has better stuff to sell.
He has electronics while I have toiletries.
...
I'm looking for my girlfriend's Dad at a library. It has at least three levels to it.
There is a science show happening in a main hall. I'm annoyed that I can't find him.
He is super social, and I wonder about natural versus unnatural extraversion.

Jealous:
I'm at a bowling alley or arcade type building. I came with my girlfriend, but she keeps leaving me to meet up with some of her friends from college.
This time, she has been gone a long time. I get a video feed on my phone showing some guys getting too close to her. I feel very jealous and angry.
I have my spartan blanket and I'm on a rollerblade floor.
I see a guy who seems scared, and I tell him whatever he is going through, it can't be as bad as me, and that he will be OK.
...
I'm racing in a Halloween-themed racetrack. It has many branching paths, and eventually transitions into a Christmas course.
There is a fairy that is helping me find secrets in the track, and allowing me to fall down slowly to reach areas I shouldn't be able to.
It feels like Mario Kart.
One of the secrets is a hidden bar. I land on a snowy street and find my girlfriend with someone at the bar.

Dorm Room:
I'm with G from work and I'm helping him with AI. We are in my dorm from college.
I try to tell him what to do, but he won't listen.
He has grocery store donuts at his desk.
He's trying to make superhero AI porn.
Me and my girlfriend are looking at the dorm as a place to live. Generally looks dingy.

Sunday: Definite Jamie drive by again. I was walking to reddi-mart to buy an evening coffee (2 minute walk from my house. Sometimes I buy a coffee from there from 5-7). There's a back alley route I take. I was walking from behind the store and to the side of the store when I noticed a grey car slam on it's brakes. I would not have noticed otherwise. Saw the familiar brown hair with bangs cut and large sunglasses . Kind of looked at me and resumed speed. I think I startled her, and she got startled again when she realized she hit the brakes. This was all in half a second. I'm thankful no one was behind her. She could have been rear ended. Like I said, I don't mind if she checks on me - if that's what makes her comfortable around me. As long as it's not bread crumbing. Baby steps I guess.

I asked her voice why she drives all this way? Why my town? She replied she came to see a friend. I'm like: Oh really is it a guy or a girl. And she replied: You're the friend I've come to see. Lol.

Asked Raven to help out in a dream. I noticed Jamie's house was creepy in my dream. Raven agreed despite being under some stress.

House

Vague dream of being in a creepy house. Some older lady interrupted me and some Korean girl in the house (Jamie). She kept making us collect things from the house and put them outside or something. I was hoping the woman would leave soon so I could be alone with the Korean girl. But she wanted us to check the addict or something for more items. I remember climbing a large staircase where the girl and the older woman were. I think we found something and the Woman put it outside. My memory just gets blurry after but continues on. Like trying to watch a movie on fast forward.

I didn't think it was about Jamie until Raven showed me her Journalled dream. Hers is way more detailed tho.

Jamie 1

I'm learning braids again on a head dummy. Jamie is there advising me on how to do it. She seems really encouraging.

Jamie 2

I was with Jamie again. She seemed stern about something. I don't know what. Is it something I was doing in the dream? Or something I'm doing while awake? Her head voice doesn't seem to take an issue with me as far as I know. But the voice isn't 100% reliable.

Jamie 3

Jamie seemed a little more stern about the issue she's having with me. I can't recall any details.

As far as the voice is concerned. The "relationship" seems more stable than ever. I sometimes ask her voice if this seems like a "real" relationship. Every time I ask the response is "Yes." As strange as it is I guess.

I fell asleep last night listening to various videos about quantum physics, the solar system, consciousness.. just hoping they could inspire some memorable dream states. Once again, I failed to record them immediately upon waking. But they did happen, and I will recall them to the best of my capabilities now.

I was driving my father's old Jaguar and got a flat tire. I remember feelings of embarrassment and shame, as it was due to foolishly driving up on a high curb or something careless.

I began playing drums and singing in what was to become a Jellyfish tribute band. Once again, I was elated at my ability to sing these songs well and harmonize with the other vocalist (who I believe was actually Roger J. Manning Jr of Jellyfish). It really was a great feeling, even better than my previous night's dream of singing Led Zeppelin.

The last instance I can remember, which I know was a very small part of a much larger scenario, was making eye contact with one of my sister's friends. She's someone I never think about, but this moment in the dream was powerful. It was as though I fell in love with her right there, just by locking eyes. A wonderful feeling, but it was fleeting.

There was more to these dreams, but that's all I can remember. I'm just hoping to continue on the path of hopefully inducing a lucid dream. I'll fall asleep listening to similar videos again and hope for the best. Additionally, I need to fight through the desire to go right back to sleep after waking from a dream, and just record it immediately.

Detox
She arrives and cries, "Sister, help me." She is weary with the unlit way of her life. She declares, without stout dedication, to give living one more go. She needs to detox. I am no doctor. My mind screams no but my hand reaches out. Does she feel the slight tremors of my dread? She trudges to bed, stays still in the dark. It is the calm before her storm.

The Game
Extended family scattered cross a yard. Like chess pieces they move: Step pause. Step pause. Step pause. I stride normally through other oddities: Jagged fences. Maples in place of pines. Ditch evolved to river. Stone wall rises to the road. I climb. A mad cousin charges our chess locked kin. He stabs, one by one. No compassion wells for any of them. I am no savior... still I crush stabbers skull with a stone. Silence. Surviving chess pieces step pause their way to our cousin corpse.

Driven
Destination near found! He chauffeurs us around. Cars keep crossing lines. They speed then skid to shoulder. My heart could be wrong but it believes more safety abides on the roadside than on the road. But I am not released. Strap in. It is accepted, this driven destiny of mangled deformation and/or death.

Sots and Stars
Moonlight softens life's sharp edges, conceals the clutter of my soul. Night is sweet and safe. Then comes a knock. I swing wide the door. In stampedes slobbering beasts. They are my aunt and two cousins. They guzzle beer, boast drunkard deeds. I sit, un-submitting to their spirits. When finally they fumble their way away, I send no well wishes or waves. Starlight suddenly shakes my heart. Constellations are contorted. North star shines southerly. Sky is awry. How am I to right it?

So many missed opportunities for lucidity.
Upon re-reading these, I see now the tie that binds them: Some obnoxious sort of savior complex that has lost me control of my own life. From now on: Just. Say. No.
It's time to realign my north star.