non-lucid

A room in the school with a large oval-shaped wooden table in the centre. Books and folders are around, stacked and leaning inside the filing cabinets which line the walls. I am there, another student (who I recognise) and a teacher. We are in discussion, then we leave to head to assembly, shutting the door behind us.

She and I enter assembly in the hall. There is a stage at the front of the room with floor-to-ceiling red curtains hanging open at the back. Everyone sits facing the stage on blue mats on the floor, shaped like those foam pool floats (kickboards?) that I learnt to swim with when I was a kid. There are three mats on a thick blue runner which are set aside for us two to sit on. I sit in front of her, but there's not enough space so I end up leaning on her legs a little. I look to my right and see that all the blue mats on the floor around seem minuscule, smaller than my fingernail, like scales.

As the assembly goes on, I'm relaxing more against her legs when she puts her arms around me from behind. I feel her hair brush my neck. I'm surprised - but it feels really warm, and I take it as affection between friends. Soon she starts lightly kissing my head and neck. I feel my whole face heat up and I'm not sure if this is still just friendly. I can't believe no-one is noticing.

This actually feels nice, but I don't know how to react, so I pull away from her a little. She loosens her arms and says, "Sorry. I just need this right now." I lean back into her hug again and she kisses my hair some more. After a short while I end up pushing her away with a brief apology. I distinctly remember thinking, 'I better remember this when I wake up...'

Well.

First night I just had dreams that Jamie found a girlfriend. I always knew she liked both, not going to judge.I have some borderline traits myself, being unsure of your sexuality is a given. I did find these dreams a little distressing. In these dreams it seems I am watching them from a distance, and not a participant.

Next night.

another flash of Jamie being with a girl, but this time I can see them having sex... Honestly I don't know why I dream these things and sometimes loathe the connection. (When she moved in 2011, I first had a dream she was sleeping with some guy but wasn't feeling it. Then I dreamed she was sleeping with a woman, a few days later she switched her orientation status on FB. You gotta realize I'm not trying to spy, these things just come to me and sometimes I wish they wouldn't)

Captured

Just a flash of me and Jamie in a western setting. Some big guy in a cowboy hat captured us and we are ties and gagged by a fence. Jamie looks my way in distress.

Last night

Looking

I was in a crowd at night time and noticed Jamie in the crowd looking at me.

Silence

I get a job at a newly opened seafood restaurant. I'm in orientation with a group of people. Jamie is in the group, as well as some other pretty girl with crazy braids. Jamie doesn't look at me at all, but keeps lingering by. I'm drinking a soda pop from a glass bottle. The top somehow breaks. I go to the sink area to clean it up. Jamie follows me, or is doing something in the same area. She's really silent, but lingering by. I find the silence really uncomfortable as I try to clean up the glass.

No way

I'm walking outside early morning. I'm upset. In my dream memories Jamie had told me that she didn't want to see me anymore because I was too, "Emotionally immature."

I go by a mcdonald's but it's not open in the plaza. I see my brother wandering into Tim Horton's. and decide to follow him in.

First of all, I'm just going to assume that something is wrong in the dreams. (She's been attacked by dream demons constantly especially since "The Boyfriend." dream). Second. I admit: I have severe emotional problems, they have gotten a lot better since older. I was mentally and emotionally abused and abandoned by my dad specifically. The effects of that abuse have stuck with me my entire life. I know Jamie had similar problems, that she briefly told me about herself. So, I always saw that as an opportunity to relate to one another and be there for one another. Things DO get easier with age. and I've been doing my best to work on that. I'm scared too, if Jamie were to come into my life again. There is a lot of emotional trauma around one another, and how we handled things in the past to work through. It wouldn't be easy, it might be hard. We are going to make mistakes. But I want to do it, and I want to become better and be better this time.

I woke up remembering a whole bunch of '80s songs. Or at least I think it was more than one... The last one I had in my head was a fully formed song, every instrument, vocals, lyrics, everything, and I'm not sure if it even exists in real life. I've had this before over a decade ago, when I dreamt a complete Depeche Mode song that did not exist. Not unlike what generative AI does these days, except better. Anyway, this latest song had "don't stop" as a repeating lyric, but that's so vague it was impossible to find on Google even if it existed.

I'm lying in bed, because I'm sick again. My parents had gone out for a walk in the woods or something like that, I feel like they've been out all day. When my dad gets home he comes into my room and sits on the edge of my bed.

He tells me that my mum is dead. She fell down in the woods and died. I think of my mum falling onto a pile of sticks, breaking her leg. He tells me that the funeral has already been held.

I can't believe this. I ask him how he could have held a funeral without me - in one afternoon? I protest that I wanted to see her one more time but my dad himself has a distraught look on his face. I think that maybe he couldn't bear to wait. I'm in shock but I feel tears sliding down the sides of my face, wetting my ears. 'How old was she?' I ask, '58? 59?' We share the feeling of her being too young without having to say anything.

"Try not to think of her body," my dad says. "It disappeared in the fire I burned her in... Think of her soul." I think of a flaming wooden funeral pyre.

Some time later, there are lots of people over at my house. I seem a lot younger here than I really am. The adults stand talking with my dad and they each drink a vial of liquid that is supposed to make them the opposite of drunk. Some kids climb up onto my bed and we discuss that drink, agreeing that it is evil. We drink something that makes us hyper before knocking us out.

The news hasn't really sunk in yet, but when I wake up the next morning while everyone is getting ready to leave, I look out of the window at the bright blue sky and it makes me wail and cry out. "I want my mum back!" I say it twice and my dad tries to comfort me, but he doesn't say anything.

I changed my mind about posting the lucid. I can't piece together the sequence of events and have literally been agonising over it for more than a month which has been causing me to slack off on practicing (trivial, I know). So I've decided to forget all about it. It wasn't even an interesting dream!

We were sitting somewhere outdoors. There were quite a lot of people. There was a guy speaking to the group, maybe on a stage, or at his table. I know I hated him and he hated me. At some point I had to do something that was confusing, and I didn't do it quite right. I managed to have a sarcastic reaction to this, which infuriated the guy. At one point I think I was speaking from that stage instead, and said something incredibly sarcastic again, a jab at my rival. I think he (or someone else) said in the background "you are so insufferable!". Seconds before waking up, I became aware this was all a movie, and I was an actor performing a role. I really tried to "ham up" my sarcastic smirk for the invisible cameras, expecting someone to yell "cut!".

In the second dream, I'm flying a F22 Raptor in chase cam, like in a game. I flew into a jump gate like the ones from the X franchise, and ended up in the warp tunnel like in X²: The Threat. I realized that it was possible to fly up and outside of the warp tunnel, seeing it from the outside. There was another "layer" of "something" surrounding it (very hard to explain), but you could fly between them. As the warp tunnel neared its end (where it would normally spit you out into the next space sector), I discovered that staying just above the actual tunnel (but below the other layer) spit me out in a hidden reality: a bright, sunny place, dominated by a HUGE city of futuristic glass towers. I flew around a bit, doing maneuvers and gawking at my environment. I saw the inhabitants on the ground. They were NOT human, but strange aliens, with weird, floaty appendages.

In the next scene, possibly still in this city, I'm in a big house. A whole bunch of sitcom-level stuff happened here that I can't recall, but it was funny. I punched the president in the face! Ha. At some point I tried to escape (I was a prisoner there, free to roam around but not leave?) so I ran into the back yard and go through a hole in the hedge. But I couldn't get through. I quickly decided to abort this attempt and try somewhere else before they (the CIA?) caught me. At this second point, I managed to get over a fence. The CIA was hot on my heels, but they were JUST too late to stop me. Before I woke up, I crowed victoriously, "Aw hell no, I invented that trick!". Random, not sure what I was even referring to (the CIA dudes tried something to stop me?), but dreams are dreams I guess.

I had a vision of Claire at homecoming. She was walking or running through a long school corridor, until suddenly she was confronted by something that scared her. She wanted to turn and run, but behind her an unnatural wall of darkness was closing in. She was surrounded by it on all sides now. I knew there was no escape. It popped into my awareness that I'd turned on this scene by accident, but choosing to view it in its entirety was my choice. I could pause it, move forward, and back - but never sense my own body. I could, however, feel myself present in that scene with Claire, but more as a kind of disembodied spirit if that makes sense.

Stufwell:
I'm at a party scene. It reminds me of C&B's wedding reception from a few years back.
I'm standing over by a carpeted area near the bathrooms. It looks like a similar location from work now.
There is a person telling me that there is a tiny man that lives inside my car.
...
I'm in the bathroom now standing in front of a mirror.
I'm holding a shotgun, and the end of it is formable like clay.
I'm fiddling with the end of the gun.
...
I'm outside at night by my car with somebody.
We are opening the hood of my car to look for this tiny man.
We call out to him, and silence.
Then, we hear a voice that sounds like it is deep underground.
The voice tells us his name is ____ Stufwell, and he is on his way up. He has a fun accent.
I notice that there is a rat standing in the hood of the car, and try to warn Stufwell.

Fragment:
Something about my friend J from the Tots.

Nerves:
I'm at a baseball diamond. The plate is part of my driveway. I am up to bat.
There is something going on strategically, such that the pitcher is forced give me an easy pitch.
I'm nervous because my team is expecting me to nail these.
I mess up the first one. Strike. Then the second. Strike. And the third. Out.
I'm mortified and leave the plate. I go to the side of my house, through the gate to sit down.
I'm sitting over where the trash cans normally are, on the rocks.
I'm trying to remember what the strategy that forced the pitcher to go easy was called but I can't.
J from work comes over to me. I open my conversation with him similar to how I do in waking life:
"So, dumb question but..." I don't recall his answer.
I'm feeling nervous because I recalled that I still have to perform my band solo tomorrow.
...
I'm in a warm-up room at a school with my sax.
It's Solo and Ensemble, where I will be performing a classical music piece similar to this one for a judge.
My brother is there too. He's already warming-up. It's the same solo piece (with piano) I will be performing.
I'm concerned about whether we are allowed to warm-up yet.
...
I'm in a small bar. Lifelight, from Super Smash Bros is playing on the Karaoke machine.
There is a DJ off to the left. The music is low quality over the speakers.
The DJ leaves and I go over to his station. I try on the headphones and notice that the music is low quality there too.
I reason that the original file might be low quality, not necessarily just the speakers.

Cold has finally started to go away, Yay!

The other night. Asked for Raven's help again to break Jamie out of the jail thingy I dreamed about.

Shove

I'm walking in a crowded city I'm crossing a street. At the corner there is a tall display, displaying some advertisements and media. Someone nudges or shoves shoulder and keeps on walking. I see it's the back of Jamie walking away she kind of looked back at me for a second and kept walking. Well that was rude! Reminds me of Highschool, when people didn't like you, They'd "accidentally" shoulder shove you from behind.

Demon


Me and 3 other people are chasing a demon at night. It's short, pale, and has gremlin ears. We corner it in a car wrecker place. It vanishes and I see it's latent image down various rows. "It's slowing time." I tell everyone, "It's playing out every possible scenario we can throw at it." My memory fades after.

Speechless

I'm walking outside a bar in a small town. Street reminds me of the Didsbury bar stretch with two bars on opposite sides. I'm on the JD's side Jamie is standing outside by the door, and walking past nervously. Some other girl standing outside starts talking trash to me. I can't remember what she says. Jamie grabs me and pulls me close and tells the girl. "Robert is the sweetest, most patient and caring man I've ever known." the shock of hearing this wakes me up. If Jamie ever gave me a compliment like that IRL... I would die!

Last night

big house

False awakening, I'm in a large house and have to pee. There are various rooms and people all over. I can't find a bathroom so I go downstairs. I wake up for real of course.

bed

I'm sleeping in the same bed as Jamie, she is sitting up and I am lying down. She says to me, "Slip it on." Okay. Isn't it more like ,"Roll it on."? I woke up there.

Jamie's question

I see Jamie in the familiar black space, she is staring seriously at me and asks, "Are you having a relationship with me in your head?"

I don't even begin to know how to answer that. but I will try as truthfully as I can. If she means by in my head as in dreams? Thats already been stated. If she means by talking to a voice in my head that sounds like Jamie. Short answer: For the past two months or so, Yes. That's what her voice in my head has stated. I'll ask her voice, "But this is crazy! If I see and talk to Jamie IRL, am I to talk about this?" To which she will answer, "We are to discuss everything.". This is why i'd really like Jamie to talk to me, to get clarification. If I should be seeing a psychiatrist, I'd really like to know. I'd like to get past this stuff, with or without her. Do I believe it's really Jamie? I don't know. I've been stuck with this voice for the past several years. I've tried to pray it away so many times among other things. After a certain amount of time, It's now just a thing that is a part of my current existence that I live with. If one is to do a google search on: Hearing my twin flame's voice in my head. It will lead you to loads of Quora articles where people do indeed experience this phenomena. some of them confirming with their partners that: Yes both of them will experience something like a telepathic conversation in one another's heads. Now, what I want to know is why is Jamie asking this? One possibility is that: She reads my dreams journal and reads dream her is talking and acting like we are in a relationship, she's also read that I hear a voice like her in her head, She puts two and two together and decides to use dreams to ask me this question. or, She's asking because She experiences it too. So I could equally ask her the same question. In any case I would like this to be resolved soon because this is becoming a complicated mess. I will still try to be patient tho.

These dreams took place between 11:21pm and 5:11am

Rotary banquet

I’m at a sort of banquet dinner event, it’s a similar dining room to the PA house one but it’s very elongated. Instead of one long table stretching down the middle of the room it’s roughly ten shorter oblong tables in sequence down the room. People seem to be walking in circles around their tables, it was reminiscent of chainsaw teeth going around the metal part of a chainsaw.

My role is to put butter on things*, I’m standing there with a plate that has a stick of butter on it and also holding a butter knife. I’m at the end of one of these tables and am not walking around in circles like the others. As people rotated past me I would put butter on random plates, they were going too fast for me to even consider what I was applying it to.

I run out of butter pretty quickly and I go searching for more. I find Linda near a washing machine downstairs**. She seems to be in charge here so I ask her where I can find some more. She takes half a stick of butter out of the washing machine and is hesitant to give it to me as it’s the very last of it. We were wondering if it was going to last until the end of the event, I said there were five hours left and chances were that we would run out.


Unlimited loot

James and I are inside of a Diablo-esque universe. We’re fighting a boss and after we kill it I gather my loot. I get some sort of legendary item, and then another, and another. I keep getting these amazing items over and over again, James and I look at eachother like the game is bugged. This keeps going on until my entire inventory is full. Floating text appeared in front of us that said “Hmm.. That’s odd, best keep your eye on those items..” We both agree that a large portion of the items were probably cursed or something to that extent.

Now we’re in a city that feels like a cross between Agrabah from Aladdin and Lut Gholein from Diablo II. We’re fighting alien bugs that are swarming us and we’re armed with guns on the top of a building. When shot they explode into vibrant green goo.

I notice near the side of the building are a bunch of glittering jewels embedded into it. I have to lean over the edge to grab one, I take hold of a ruby and pried it out. Since my inventory was full it immediately replaced a legendary item, which popped out in front of me and fell down onto the streets below. I realized the ruby was a bad trade for the item I lost so I climbed down to retrieve it.

James is now leaning over the roof asking what’s up and I explain what happened. He’s trying to spot where my fallen item is from above but can’t see it. There are leaves on the ground, suddenly I hear a faint humming sound. I feel through the leaves and crawl around until the sound gets louder and louder. I pick up the item from underneath some of the leaves and it’s glowing gold and humming loudly.

It’s a golden ring with a skull that has fangs on it, with tiny rubies for eyes. I inspect it and it’s a vampiric ring, it has a life steal on attack function and is part of a set. The other set item is also a ring and I notice it’s in my inventory as well.

James and I get moving and more bugs are swarming, now with a huge one that is spawning spawning the smaller bugs and keeping its distance from us. I threw some grenades at it which caused a lot of damage but didn’t kill it. This part felt like Helldivers 2/Starship Troopers.


Death Roiland

Jeff Roiland is on what appears to be a very tiny island with a massive tree growing on it. He’s got a rope wrapped around his entire body which is then connected to the trunk of the tree. Apparently he wanted to be in this position and he’s bossing around some guy on a speedboat.

I get the dream knowledge that Jeff had wronged the speedboat guy many times and this was the last straw, his boat is tethered to the trunk of the tree and he begins to speed off very quickly. Jeff falls off of the tree-island and is now being dragged through the water. The speedboat guy intentionally keeps going near rocks and tries to swing the tree-island into other dangerous objects. Jeff apparently has the ability to levitate slightly but it requires concentration which he doesn't have in this scenario. He begins to get really messed up as he smashes into various objects.

The scene is kind of disturbing me so I ‘turn it off’ like it was a screen or something. I am only experiencing blackness now but I can hear people talking about the aftermath. “Yeah he survived, but he will have to live in an iron lung for the rest of his life”

* Probably from the Rick and Morty episode where the robots only purpose is to serve butter which I saw recently.
** My last dreams involved Linda and a washing machine as well but I can't find an IWL link for this.

Underground:
I'm at my childhood home's basement with my brother and my friend D.
There were some other people, maybe my sister's friends.
They are talking about some back pain they are having.
I remember that I have been working on that, and tell them that I have some stretches that might help.
I start to demonstrate, but I can't get the movement quite right.
One of the girls points to the window, and says my sister is coming.
It's dramatic, like when Azula shows up in ATLA.
I'm holding a goose-stuffed animal.
...
Later at night time, I'm sleeping on a mattress up against the wall in the same room.

I've been pretty busy the past few days and lost some focus, recall hasn't been great! These dreams were from two days ago.


The unbalanced soldier

I’m on a large stage playing the role of a soldier for a movie. There is some sort of ceremony going on. There are soldiers on either side of me in a long row, we all take a seat at the same time into chairs that are right behind us. I rock back on my chair and am balancing on the back legs, I lose balance and fall backwards.

The lead actor Tom Cruise comes over and helps me up. The movie then goes through a timelapse cutscene of Tom showing me how to be a better soldier. There’s short shots of me saluting incorrectly, then him showing me the proper salute, then both of us doing it right - etc. It felt like a comedy.

Now I find myself seated in an audience, facing the same theater stage that I was on earlier. I push backwards to find that my chair isn’t bolted down and I again begin to balance on the back legs of the chair. I lose balance again and fall backwards. The man seated behind me begins helping me up, I notice it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. I say to him “You know what, when I fall over it’s either you or Tom Cruise who seems to be helping me up.”


Dead battery

Tami and I are in a parking lot sitting in a car. Someone to the right of us is getting into their car and we notice it’s Linda. When we notice we call to her “Hey, Linda!” She nonchalantly pushes a large pizza box through our passenger window. She’s not saying much but we learn that her car battery is dead and needs a jump.

Linda begins pushing her car which is in neutral so it lines up with the front of my car. I head to my trunk and grab some jumper cables out of the back, Linda already took the jumper cables out of her car and approaches me. We measure both of the cables, mine are thicker but slightly shorter than hers - I grab hers and put mine away.

I notice that the rear of her car is lined up with the front of mine and that I would have to reposition my car so we were hood to hood. I also notice that we’re now parked on a large golf course. I head back over to my car but when I sit in the driver seat it almost feels like I sat into the side of a washing machine with my legs sticking out. It was nearly impossible to bring my feet in because the opening was too small, it felt so cramped.

Been sick still. Last night I could hardly sleep.

Fake Jesus

Can't remember the details too much. I was with Jesus and he was asking me to do this strange, abstract thing. It seemed unethical what he was asking. Next we were standing over Jamie 's bed and he said if I do those things (that I can't remember) she will be in my life soon. First off, I'm not going to do anything manipulative... Second in previous dreams it sounded like she wants to talk to me, but that I'm just to be very patient with her while she decides what she wants to say. In any case I'll hear her out.

Woke up and added prayers of banishing fake Jesus from my dreams.

Last night.

Wtf

I'm looking for Jamie at her house. She is nowhere to be found. I eventually come across a jail cell door with a small window and bars Jamie is on the other side. She reaches her hand out and I lightly grab it. I'm shocked and concerned. The dream starts fading to black and when it does she says, "You have to start looking at porn."

I admit I nearly choked on my coffee when I remembered that line. I'm sure in whatever strange dream she was having, in that context, what she said made sense to her. In any case, I've pretty much avoided that the past while.

Showing Off:
I'm in a mall or super complex flying around. I'm wearing roller-skates and doing all sorts of aerial tricks for the audience below.
I remember feeling a bit nervous, but also excited.
I'm exploring all around the complex and working my way upward. I'm interested in exploring all of the different shops at different levels.
At one point, the setting becomes Disneyland.

Yesterday I did some awareness meditations three times throughout the day at 15 minutes per session. I didn’t take enough notes down about my dreams last night this morning and now it’s way later in the day now so I’m missing a lot of details :\


World of Weirdcraft

There was some sort of stand up comedy show going on. The audience was a bunch of politicians dressed very formally. There aren’t any tables or seats, instead the audience is just gathered around talking to one another in a large room - not many people are even facing the guy performing his standup routine.

I head out into the streets and I’m in a very World of Warcraft-like city. It feels like Stormwind but more peasant-centric.The experience and visuals are reality based but the style of everything is very much WoW.

I’m now sitting cross-legged on the cobblestone streets, I am cutting up some sort of chemical/drug pill, the white crystalline inner contents are rapidly yellowing when exposed to the air. I think of what I should ask ChatGPT about the best way of preserving it would be.

A mail-main-like figure is walking by* and asked “What time is it? I’m going to guess it’s about 11pm?” I respond that it’s only about 7 or 8pm. He was surprised and mumbled something about daylight savings as he continued on his route.

Now I see an overview of the city I’m in, it’s on an ancient looking scroll. An old wrinkled, long nailed hand of a wizard is pointing over various locations on this map. He goes past the location I was on the street to the end of the city and says that “This is The Order of the Catalytic Converter”. I think to myself ‘that’s’ not very WoW-ish.. Then I re-consider my opinion when thinking that the dwarves or the gnomes could have easily come up with something like that.
(IDK why I’ve been having these car related dreams lately)

Then the hand goes way up north on the map-scroll showing a new zone for this ‘expansion’. He points to a night elf looking woman riding on a large black dragon which has glowing ember cracks all over its body revealing its heated interior.

The wizard proclaims “This is the fat non-binary Dragon Queen!!” as the night-elf-looking character hops off the dragon to reveal a much larger midsection than is typical of WoW character models. I think to myself how blatantly pandering/insincere and virtue signaling Blizzard has become. He goes on about this character is the final boss for this expansion.


Cans for Hawaii

Tami and I are dropping off some cans at a recycling depot with the aim of going to Hawaii with the proceeds. We’re making an effort to grab four cans at a time with each hand for some reason. From our cans to the drop off point we make 10 trips back and forth, then celebrate that we dropped off 80 cans (It would've been 160 cans I realized after the dream). Surely enough for our trip to Hawaii!

*He gave me very strong vibes of the "My man!" mail guy from Rick and Morty, an episode I saw again recently.