non-lucid

Only 1 dream. Jamie wanted to show me what her BPD is like. So she had a grill as big as the room. There was a pound of chicken on one side all spiced up. And a pound of hamburger, also spiced up, on the other side. Sounds like you eat good.

All kidding aside, of course I will never know completely what she goes through. What I experience is a mild form of it. When I knew her more personality. I got the whole experience of having her as a FP. Where your entire well being depends how they treat what day. And when I knew she would most likely never talk to me again... Worst feeling ever. I was physically ill. Felt like dying, or having an arm cut off and you still hallucinate it there. I had a gf cheat on me. Family and friends die . Nothing even came close to losing my FP. Would never wish that experience on my worst enemy. FR.

Getting back into the swing of things with a potentially politically inflammatory dream, HUAK TUH!

QuestionMark:
I'm in a veterinarians' office with a pug-like dog. It has the "blue" fur color. The fur is very soft.
The vet tells me that the dog's name is Question Mark.
"But don't say it slow, like that. Say it fast like QuestionMark."
"Is this puppy a boy or a girl?"
"We don't know what they want to be yet."
"What do you mean you don't know? Is the dog transgender?"
The vet holds up the dog and I see a dick.
"That's a boy dog." I say.
"THESHIRECAT!" my girlfriend says in outburst.
I'm near a hole in the wall, and I see some hands come out to pet QuestionMark.
Initially I'm a little freaked out, but I realize they are kids so the creepy behavior is recontextualized into silly kid behavior.

Being Around You:
I'm at a large grocery store, maybe a cross between a Costco, Home Depot, and my middle school from back home.
I'm walking down the hall and I see a small man who seems to have a deformity with his legs.
I respectfully give him the space he needs to pass by.
Next I come across a happy looking couple.
The woman says to the man "I'm happy when I'm with you" as if in response to a question he had asked.
I take a moment and think about my girlfriend, and I get a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I decide I want to find her and express the same sentiment.
I find her checking out the groceries at the register and give her a big hug from behind.
I worry for a second she might be uncomfortable with that in public, but she doesn't mind.

Cellar spider infestation and visit to ominous school

---

Unfortunately, it's been a little over 2 years since I've started this draft, so I can't do much more than just acknowledge I had it.

2 dreams.

Not sure if these were Jamie or not
.

One dream I'm walking down a street during the day. I pass by a black rottweiler with a pink collar. It pays me a compliment. I forgot what it was. But I said thank you back.

Second dream. I'm in a living room and see my dog. I pet him and then use him as a pillow. The same black female dog comes up and smiles at me and lays down near us.

I'm seeing Jamie as a dog now???

Also, was in Olds today standing in a parking lot. Saw some guy drive by and some girl sitting beside him. Didn't see clearly but the hair reminded me of Jamie. Now I don't really know if I suffer mild traits of BPD or not. But whatever it is - it was set off. Now I'm getting confusion with the voice again. Her voice doesn't check in as much during the day. Our late night prayers and sweet talk is still consistent though. Reacting to abandonment real or imagined.. yep, sums it up. It's hard having a " relationship" with someone in dreams and spirit. Especially when they refuse to actually talk to you. It's a real problem.

I was being terrorized by Homelander in my own apartment. I think he'd already killed a bunch of other people, and he needed something from me. He told me to do it, and left. I knew he would never leave me alone, this would probably not end well for me, and he knows where I live. I knew I probably needed to move, quietly and without anyone knowing. I got back to my computer. It was my older 2016 machine, and I had successfully gotten it to run Windows 98.

I waited way too long to write this down, so most of it is gone. I was with my old high school friends, Fenn and Barra. I was feeling a sense of melancholy, as if on some level I knew they weren't real and I was just reliving a piece of the past.

Schedule changed again. Doing delivery in red deer.. gas is expensive... Will be working long days. Already hindering dream recall.

Jamie 1

Just a flash of Jamie asking me, "Do you want an *** only relationship?" Won't mention specific things on here. And no it's nothing to do with an open relationship.. ( just google success rates of open marriages...)

Jamie 2

Just a flash of Jamie looking out of a motel room. Better be me that she's meeting...

Jamie 3

Jamie is asking Lou, the British manager from our work days ( the only solid manager that worked there), " Do you think Robert would like my hair how it is?" Dream fades before I hear an answer.

Next night

Jamie 4

A long but blurry dream. I'm driving around like crazy. Jamie is asleep in the backseat. Later she's walking around with some girl and they have crazy hairstyles..

( Maybe a metaphor for my delivery driving. I'm speaking to the voice less and less during the day because of it. )

I think it started off as some kind of messed up game show like the Hunger Games, or at least that's how it felt. I was released into the world in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. I entered a house and picked out a sword from a weapon rack. There was a big curved sword which looked awesome, but it was way too heavy to be practical to carry around (nowhere to attach it to my outfit) so I opted for a short sword. At one time I was forced to flee from enemies, and I had to quickly scale a hedge or fence. I also fought zombies. On the horizon I saw a stunning view of a castle on a hill (in retrospect reminding me of Beauclair in Toussaint, The Witcher 3) and I wanted to take a picture of it with my phone. However, it was so big and I was so close that I struggled to get the whole thing framed right. I think I woke up in the middle of trying to take the picture.

Handful of Jamie dreams. Oh yeah, Jamie's birthday is coming up. Too bad we don't talk in person yet. I apologize in advance if I am unable to do anything on her birthday.

lol

I was in a house with some people. I was sitting on a couch. I saw someone coming from the kitchen into the living room. I decided to make a funny face. It was Gina walking in. She made a funny face at me back. I told Jamie sitting next to me that it was Gina. Jamie looked happy and got up and followed Gina into another area. I began to follow them but they vanished. I went back to where the kitchen was but found a strange bed and some steps leading upstairs. I went back to the living room. There was a guy there and his face was all black. His face was covered in Nano bots or something. They started jumping onto me...

Last night:

Vehicle

Long dream where I was searching for Jamie but couldn't find her. I stole her vehicle from the farm. In this dream it was a van but the color scheme of her old car, the one we used to talk in a lot. I drove it out to the desert. I was really depressed that I couldn't find her. I parked by a pond or something. I noticed something on her dashboard. It was a piece of paper... From some other guy who was in love with her. Why was she keeping this?!?!?!?

I woke up and was slightly paranoid. you know how they joke that people with borderline symptoms - if they get a cheating dream, they act liek the person really cheating. Well if you share dreams especially it sometimes feels like that...

Dishes

I walk into a kitchen, And Jamie is there. She's doing dishes and says to me, "I'm doing the dishes for you this time, so you don't always have to do them."
And like that she's back to normal. I will refrain from making obvious Anti-feminist jokes here...

At least I had one good dream with her in it.

Earth was under attack from what I can only describe as flying saucers. I was in a strange place, impossible to describe. An area separated from the rest of the world by huge... there are no words for it in any language I know. Like gigantic window blinds but placed vertically, forming a wall that could open and close. I think I went through at some point and it closed behind me. I felt deep inside that my every step was predetermined, and I was always going to end up where I was supposed to be, safely "imprisoned" behind that wall, until the aliens were done with the world (but I had at least survived the armageddon). I felt like I wasn't supposed to stop this disaster, just survive it. I was having some kind of massive déjà vu the entire time. I remembered having dreamt all of this before, and felt like I was simply retracing my steps. I walked out into an open area, and saw hundreds, maybe thousands of saucers descend from the heavens. I knew that soon, they would lay waste to our world. I'd seen it happen before.

In one scene, still in the same dream (where on the timeline this happens is unclear), I'm sitting at a table with a number of other people. They're talking and the subject of dreams comes up. I say I've had lucid dreams before, and begin elaborating on the entire subject. I think synchronicity also came up. I think at one time, I called out "11:11!"

I've been having more dreams lately, but I forget to log them.

Starts off at my house, and some landscaping guy that knew my cousin or something gave me cigarettes and I smoked them. It felt like they burned my throat. I hated it. Never smoked in real life. Pretty faint and weak dream.

Well we seem to be past that hurdle. Whatever it was.

Short lucid

For some reason I was going to school with my brother. I was really annoyed that I had to go to school. I got pissed off and went to wait in my brother's car.
Became lucid randomly. I then remembered I often dream of Jamie in a school so I went in to look for her. I said out loud, "Now to find Jamie." As soon as I said that. It's like I was hit with a sleep dart. I opened a random door, and heard strange sounds like people talking but with a lot of reverb. I just fell on the floor and woke up.

Strange

Very nonsensical dream with Jamie. I was lying down and prparing a giant gold thing?!?!?!?! Jamie was waiting by a door and she started looking impatient. like "Hurry up already."

Definitely one of those dreams that only makes sense when you dream.


Kissing who?

I was in a room made of blankets and pillows?!?!?!? Some girl came in who seemed familiar. She smiled and we started kissing. Her face kept changing in front of me. I said, "I keep seeing your face change! I think I'm cheating." The girl looked flustered and left.

I think it was Jamie... Oops!

What?

Long dream.

I went to a farmhouse. looked like desert. I went into the basement. A bunch of people covered in a white suit started attacking me. Somehow I made it outside and spied on the people behind the fence. The people in white suits took them off. Now they were preteens in army gear... And Donald Trump was leading them.. confusing dream.

Hmm

I'm working at Walmart covering the Door greeter shift. Jamie walks by towards the Mcdonald's on her break and says something snarky to me. (Seems to be a replay of a real life thing from 2011. If I recall she wasn't saying anything snarky. But I do recall it's one of the first times she was going out of her way to talk to me.)

Hopefully the dreams get better.

I've had two dreams, in both my mom is alive and well and makes an appearance. I've completely forgotten the first.

In the second, I was in a darkened room. My mom was on the computer playing video games. The only light in the room was from the screen. I was sitting at a table, playing with a lightsaber. If it was supposed to be a toy, it was remarkably real. Made the zooming noises when I swung it around, and actually projected a plasma beam. After a while, the battery started running out, and the plasma beam for shorter and fuzzier at the tip. On the floor there were model airplanes like the ones I used to build as a kid. At some stage I had to leave the room to go do something, or go get something. I had a lot of difficulty seeing because it was so dark. I struggled with my eyesight, and trying not to trip over the airplanes. On the way out, I looked back at mom and saw she was playing an MMO like World or Worldcraft. When leaving, I felt a strange sense of melancholy, as if on some level I knew I was leaving her for good (she is gone in real life).

I remember barely anything over the past couple of days.

2 dreams from the night before.

both were of Jamie talking to a fake version of me. Can't remember what the fake me was saying but I remember Jamie saying, "No Robert! Doing that would break us up I'm not going to do that!" Is she referring to using my temptations via the voice, to explore her temptations? I won't say much but that's what's been happening.. not only do we have fake voices in our heads telling lies. now there's fake me and Jamie... in our dreams doing the same thing. The struggle is real. Well hopefully by now, we've learned our lesson, NOT to entertain the very thing she was warned about from my dreams...

Last night

Where is it?

I was walking in a different town with a group of people. I kept seeing a sign for a piano store or something. It existed in a large shopping building. I had trouble navigating the place trying to find the store but got thrown out by security from accidentally entering a VIP area. I went in through another section and found the store. My memory fades after.


Where is she?

I was in the mall again. with a bunch of people. There was this place with a high tile ceiling. something happened to the roof and one section of the tiles fell. The rest of the ceiling was going to give way. I climbed up some corner to escape by the ceiling. I sat there looking at the people below wondering why they weren't leaving the room from the imminent danger. And where was Jamie, and how come I hadn't seen her in a dream in so long? This got me upset. "Come back Jamie." I said to myself and started crying. (My sad emotions are like 100x in dreams) I was almost expecting her to enter the room then, but I didn't want her to see me like this so I went further into the tunnel and woke up.

I'm travelling through the Underground with my boyfriend (?). We cross a metallic grey, wide passage, leading from a tunnel to the escalators. White lights beam down from the ceiling and reflect off the walls. I walk behind him as we step onto the escalator. His broad back in front of me makes me feel safe.

Later, I am with some friends, still in the same Underground station. We step off an escalator and walk through a short tunnel towards the platform entrance. I get a shock as we enter - almost the whole platform has crumbled away, leaving narrow irregular ledges that cling to the wall, bricks sticking out here and there below. We hold close to the wall as we inch along the platform, finding our footing with difficulty. I'm terrified of falling onto the tracks.

Then I am in class, but not in a classroom. There's another, similarly dilapidated platform that we are inching along, murky water lapping almost up to the edge. I reach an unstable part with nowhere to place my feet - the next ledge is too far of a leap, and I know that the nearest foothold won't hold me. It's too small. I can't bear the thought of touching that water, so I crouch down against the wall in despair and refuse to move.