Recent DJ Posts

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

After having to kill an animal and making sure to make it as painless as possible - essentially reaching into its mind and turning it off - I've wound up in an argument, arguing against the raising and slaughtering of pigs for meat. (Dream me and waking me have very different opinions on this.) I find it incomprehensible, especially contrasted to the concept of pets - including pigs kept as pets. I talk about the distribution of souls, how bizarre it seems that this one will be raised to be pampered and the next one raised to be meat, with no obvious difference between them except how they're treated.

I'm speaking with a woman from some religious order, talking about an orphan boy; with me is a man I'm close with who runs a clinic, which is where I met the boy. I've asked her to guide the kid to some local official or guard or something along those lines, to get him placed in a (word that means both orphanage and workhouse - I'm thinking of it as a place where he'll be cared for, the best place for him). She's telling me she can hardly be expected to keep an eye on some street kid who wants to run, especially when there's so many orphaned refugee kids coming into the city - many of whom would jump on this chance that he's trying to get away from. If he wants to disappear among them, he will. Even if she and the official keep him in line until he gets to the orphanage/workhouse, he doesn't want to be there; he'll just run off and disappear again. The observer side of me thinks she's right, I can't force the kid to stick around someplace he doesn't want to be just because I think I know what's best for him, this is pointless; but the character side of me is thinking, so much for the supposed compassion and charity of her order.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm watching a man sleep and trying to work out a way around a problem, thinking of ballads like Thomas the Rhymer and Tam Lin, thinking of warnings about people who stumble into something they shouldn't and wind up obsessed. I'm trying to avoid that in this case. This is a man who's abandoned some responsibility - nothing to do with me, this was before I met him, but I need him to take that responsibility up again. I'm trying to think up a dream I can give him to push him in that direction, but I'm concerned that if I interfere too directly, I'll just end up leading him further away from the path I want him to take.

My husband and I were visiting a city that felt familiar and somewhat reminiscent of an East Coast city like Boston, though it had no correspondence to any RL place I've ever been. We had just finished a nice meal, and were walking along the street. We leave the commercial avenue and start walking into a nice residential area. After about two blocks I realize that I need to pee, and the best bet is to turn around and go back to the street we just left, so we walk the two blocks back.

At the intersection with the commercial avenue is a group of people standing on the street. They are foreigners with black skin, and both the men and women are wearing long flowing light blue robes, very elegant. Despite the darkness of their skin, something about the shape of their faces and the sound of their language looks more South Asian than African, and I am trying to remember where they are from. Isn't it some small country or island between India and Africa? What was it called, Malvania? That's right, I remember, they are Malvanians, and they are here as refugees from their home country. (Obviously there is no such country as Malvania in waking life, so this was a clear case of false memory.)

I cross the street find the public restroom just where I thought it would be. To reach it we had to walk into a little courtyard and then go downstairs from ground level. One stairway leads to the women's room, the other to the men's. However, when we arrive we find that the line is incredibly long, with about three dozen Malvanians, women and men respectively, waiting on each stairway. Some of them are holding things like toothbrushes and soap, and I realize that since they are refugees who are living on the street, this is probably the only facilities that they have access to. I am sympathetic, but unfortunately I really need to pee now, and I'm not sure what to do.

"Come with me," I say to my husband, who is in the same predicament. I have just remembered that less than a block from here is a theatre I've been to before, and I'm pretty sure that there is a restroom in the lobby. We exit and walk further down the street. I'm trying to remember what time it is. Will the theatre be open? I think it must be at least 11am or perhaps just after noon, so they might have started the early matinees. Luckily we do find the door open and go inside. (More false memories, as none of the locations I was "remembering" bore any resemblance to RL places, much like the city at large.)

The route to the restroom is more complicated than I recall, leading back through several turns and passages, but I follow the signs and we eventually we find our way there. I'm grateful to discover that there are no lines! So I go inside... or try to. The door to the women's room pulls outward, but it is stuck. It is getting caught against a wire rack that is jutting from the side of a cabinet that has been installed too close to the door, so the door is only opening a few inches. Even though I'm of average size, I can't seem to squeeze through. I try to force the door open wider, tugging on it until the metal rack that is blocking it actually begins to distort and bend, letting the door open a few inches wider, just enough for me to slide in sideways. I think how distressing it would be if I were just a few pounds heavier—I wouldn't be able to get in! But I have passed this obstacle.

Inside the restroom at last, it looks very familiar and I remember that I have been here before. (Again, no correspondence to anything in waking life: if this was not pure false memory, then it must have been a setting from some prior dream.) The room is tiled in light green, but everything about it is old and broken down, an absolute ruin. Only about half the tiles are intact, the rest are broken or completely missing. There are not even stalls for privacy; the toilets are just arranged openly around the walls of the room. Many of them look in a state of poor repair as well. However, one detail is very different this time. Last time I found myself in this room, it was disgustingly filthy, but today, unexpectedly, it appears to have just been cleaned. It is as pristine as a room this run-down can be made: I can even smell the odor of cleaning chemicals in the air. Nevertheless, the memory of how dirty it was last time makes me remember that this is a dreamsign—and also, ever since the last failed RC in similar circumstances earlier this month, I've been diligently RCing every time I've found myself in a public restroom lately. Since I've been traveling for the last few days (in RL), I've had the chance to practice this a lot.

Fortunately there is no one else present, so I can RC very blatantly without being afraid of looking foolish. I lift my fingers to my nose and very forcefully try to breathe both in and out. Nope. The breath is fully stopped in both directions. This RC has worked really well for me since I started using it recently, so now when it suggests I am awake, I let myself be convinced. To some extent I realize that I'm actually relieved about this, because I've been having a nice interesting day so far, and it would be annoying to realize that it was all just a dream. On the other hand, I reflect, I'll be even more annoyed if I wake up later and it turns out that I was dreaming and failed to recognize it. But I feel confident in how attentively I performed the RC, so I figure I probably don't have to worry about that.

The dream went on for a while longer; the last thing I remember is being in a cab en route to some further destination. When I finally did wake up, all I could think was, "You've got to be kidding me!"

Note: My suspicion is that it is actually the very diligence with which I've been practicing this RC for the past few days that made it fail this time: every time I pinch my nose in waking life and can't breathe through it, I reinforce the sense-impression of what that feels like, which is perhaps what allowed the dream to duplicate the sensation.

Note: In reflecting on dreams in which I perform an RC but fail to recognize that I am dreaming, I have noticed something odd. The moment during which it occurs to me to think, "Hey, I wonder if I'm dreaming. I'd better check," actually feels like lucid-type awareness, even if the failed RC quickly leads to a passive resorption in the narrative.

I was running through a forest track with a dozen other people, heading towards the African city Mombasa, even though the forest was more like South American. It was almost like we were refugees. We all came up to a massive cliff with the city in the distance, so we took a lower path through thicker bush. We started across the boardwalk, when there were picture frames floating on the side of the path, as if they were on invisible walls. They had random stuff on them.

Wow I need to get better recall.