(night of) 15-12-20 Pre-sleep meditation: after meditating I close my eyes and try to stay focused, aware, I see something in front of me - actually I see THROUGH my eyelids , or do I have my eyes open? I'm confused, I open my eyes and I see what is really there (my bedroom) Lucid attempt 1 (don't close your eyes in a dream) 1) Walking through a forest, I do a little look around, I'm a little confused - how did I get here? I woke up in my house - my step father was near by... no, this either did not happen or was just a back story in the dream, I recall what I was really doing - I just did a WBTB , I'm lucid now. But.... everything is wavering, nothing is solid, I've not slept well tonight and this is just a continuation of it. (also I always seem to get unstable when I become lucid) I stop. Take time to pause. I close my eyes..... BIG mistake! fuck, I feel myself waking up. I start running, feeling my feet touch the ground, grabbing out in all directions to get the dream back. I feel I am in an apartment store now, men's clothing. It's too dim to see details so I reach out and take a shirt off of the rack and bite down on it. It doesn't taste of much - but it's enough to solidify me into the dream. Now I am on a street corner, people are everywhere, I see some cars down the street, they are kind of glitching out, flying in loops off of the road and into the air. I pull myself from this distraction, think about my dream goals, but I'm pulled off again, waking, I can't hold the dream... Lucid 2 (don't travel by forced flight) 2) I'm walking down a corridor, looks like a university corridor. The walls are kind of drab, classrooms left and right. I realize I am dreaming, This pretty lady approaches me and smiles, I kiss her. I'm getting pretty into it then realize I need to snap out of it and focus! I walk out of the building, wanting to achieve my dream goal and find someone from my dream group. But I feel the dream is slipping again. Fuck. I see this swimming pool and I think - nice - I ll sit in there, feel the water around me and just focus on the dream surrounding me so I can get stabilized! I jump into the swimming pool and... WOAH!! it's freaking freezing. I kind of do a little yelping sound. I was NOT expecting that. It sends a cold shock to everywhere on my body. I gently lower myself into the swimming pool again and sit there for a couple of minutes just clearing my mind and focusing on everything around me. It feels better, more stable (yes!) So I stand up and call for '7', I try to draw her symbol on my hand, then I shout for her to come, I get a little impatient -where the heck is she? I think I see her in the distance. 'come on 7! what are you doing?' Now I am walking down the street, my second option - to get transported directly to the dream tree! I put my finger to my ear to turn on the 'comms' and speak directly to '7' 'Can you transport me directly to the dream tree ship?' I ask her 'but don't teleport! that just wakes me up , fly me there please!' I have to say this a few times until finally I hear static and some distant voice. That's good enough for me! I stand there , in the middle of the street waiting to be flown upwards. A gang of thugs are walking toward me now, they are shouting, asking why I am just standing there like an A-hole? Come on 7... what the hell.... Suddenly I am lifted off of the ground, I'm floating, it's slow to start off with but then I am shooting super fast, I zoom past some kids who are travelling in a kind of sphere like blue and red craft. I'm trying to keep my eyes open for the dream tree - it's gotta be around here somewhere? But then I realize it's not, it's deep in space because I'm going even faster now - it's so fast I can feel my stomach in my throat, the g-force of the travel is making the whole experience so intense, that I can feel EVERYTHING (much more intense than a roller coaster) , I'm just shooting through the sky, above the atmosphere shouting 'fuck, fuck... fuck... fuckkkkkkkkk' seeing the ground below me getting smaller and smaller, but I can't hold on, these intense feelings, I can't and I wake before I see the ship (damn!)
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