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#129 There Is No Wall WILD

I am deep into HI/HH. For some reason I remember how CanisLucidus likes to sleep on his stomach. "I hear him say have you ever tried it on your stomach?" My dream self rolls over halfway on my stomach. I can feel the blanket over my face and I begin to feel strange whirling spinning sensations. I was amazed how much better a WILD attempt this was. I focus on the sensations for a few seconds. (I didn't notice until later that I felt zero vibrations like I usually do. I am actually glad that this didn't throw me. Never give too much attention to the noise. Passively monitor it.)

Then I feel my wife in bed poking my ribs and telling me to wake up. I try to ignore her. But she keeps doing it. I say to her, "Stop it pleeeease! I am trying to have a lucid dream and you are waking me up."

I never open my eyes but I roll over to my back. She is still moving the bed around and saying to wake up. I realize this probably not really happening. I tell myself over and over that she is not real. I decide that I just need to get out of here. I can still feel a slight grip from the sleep paralysis making me move slow and awkward. But I manage to stand up without too much trouble.

It's dark in the room but I manage to see my hands clearly. I open the bedroom door and find myself in a long hallway. The dream is still blurry and insubstantial but I realize this is not my house. Something reminds me of my ex in-law's house. I begin to believe that's were I am. The dream comes together now and that exactly where I am. I make it to the living room and pause for a second. I think, "If this is their house then which wife is in the bed? Past or present?" I decide that I really don't want to know or want to be here so I continue out the front door.

It is really dark outside. I think the only way out of here is to just fly away. I see the sun coming up the west. I find that slightly funny as I start to fly up. Then, I get lost in the void and feel the dream breaking up. I decide to just go back to the ground and stay inside. For some reason the dream wants me here.

I go back inside and visually stabilize myself. I wonder around the living feeling slightly triumphant. I think, "Haha bitches I'm in your house and your not even here!" I explore the house some and realize there is very little clutter or furniture. Every thing looks spacious and organized. I see a small white wooden door with no knob in a random spot on the wall. I use expectation to make it open to some place else. Nope. It's a small closet with a water heater.

I walk around the wall into the kitchen and then back into the living room. I see a clear spot on the wall separating the living room and kitchen. I think maybe I can draw a doorway with my fingers to get out of here. I make a motion with both fingers at the top but realize my hands phased into it. HA phasing! I think about reaching past the wall into the space beyond. My hands pass through fine so I thrust myself into it. My arms get softly stuck at the elbows. I pull back and stare at the wall. I say, "There is no wall. There is no wall." I really focus on believing it. I think about the space beyond the wall again as I jump forward. I feel a slight sensation like a cool mist of water pass over me. I feel grounded on the other side but all I can see is the color of the wall. I think about the other side and what it should look like. The dream stabilizes.

I look around the kitchen/dining room and see the back door. I really want out of this house! I have TOTY on my mind and want to move on. I can see the door is open but the screen is closed. I can see outside and it is total darkness. I feel really confident from phasing and decide to take a risk. Without thinking things through I rush forward flying head first into the door and throwing it off its hinges into the darkness. I say,"This leads to another planet!" (why?)

I am now engulfed in the void. I feel spinning sensations. I relax myself like in any other DEILD and try to focus on seeing something. I think about the Colosseum a bit while I wait. After a while I wake up.

This was a nice, very vivid LD where I was reunited with a long-gone childhood pet. It was more difficult than usual to connect to my tasks and goals. In fact, I could remember very little from waking life. I'm wondering whether this is because it was galantamine night, which required me to use an extremely short WBTB.

And my ever-reliable nose pinch RC let me down!

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #63: After the Storm

I'm walking with my 3-year-old E in the back yard of what I think is our family home. The yard is vast, wild, and overgrown. As we walk, a Golden Retriever comes up to us and starts sniffing my hand. He looks almost exactly like the dog that I had when I was a kid, but I dismiss this as coincidence.

I wonder how this dog got into our yard. E, the dog, and I walk to to edge of the property and I see that the entire fence is destroyed. Nothing but a couple of snapped fenceposts remain. Looking further out, I see that our next door neighbor's house has been utterly destroyed. I think that this must be a dream. I perform the nose pinch reality check and can't breathe. I try it again and still can't breathe. "Oh shit," I think. "This is really happening."

The three of us walk further through town. Everywhere we look, houses are toppled and people sift dispiritedly through the rubble. I tell my son, "E, I think there's been a big tornado. Daddy's going to figure this out."

We walk across an empty four-lane road. Some of the shops on this road are open, which strikes me as odd. I RC again, pushing my finger into my palm. My left hand stretches like stiff taffy and I know that this is a dream.

I look down at the Golden Retriever and realize that he really is the same dog that I had when I was a boy! He's been gone almost fifteen years but now he's somehow standing right in front of me. I scratch him behind the ears. He just looks off into the distance with that big, goofy doggy grin. Even though I know that this is all a dream, it feels like a reunion.

E pets the Golden and starts fiddling with his ears. The dog pants and stares contentedly up at the sky. I decide that now is the right time for me to break off on my own.

I walk further along the road. I know that I had lots of plans for this lucid dream but I can't remember any of them. As I'm pondering this, a steady flow of traffic starts on the road and in a few seconds, cars are whizzing by in both directions. I remember a conversation with Xanous and Alyzarin about how they like to play in traffic during lucid dreams.

I start walking across the road. I'm halfway across when I suddenly realize that the cars are driving on the left side of the road (like in Great Britain or New Zealand.) The next thing I know, a small, strange, open-topped car is barreling toward me. Suddenly I'm scared that this car is going to flatten me and I try to force-push it to the side. The little car swerves to the left and its brakes squeal. I float up into the air, drifting slightly away.

The car has stopped and its driver, a woman of about 30, is leaned forward toward the steering wheel. Her eyes are squeezed shut as if she's in pain. I run or fly to the side of her little open-topped car, freaked that I've hurt her somehow when I did that force-push. "Are you okay? Are you okay?"

She doesn't respond, but she's clutching at her stomach. There's something horribly wrong with her. Her stomach is badly distended, stretching all the way down so that it rests on the floorboard of her car. I pick up her enormous, stretched stomach off of the floor and start feeding it back into her body. It takes some effort, but in the end it spools smoothly back into her torso as if nothing had ever happened.

She looks at me and smiles. I notice for the first time that she's incredibly attractive and I kiss her. (Guess I got over the stomach thing!) I pull away before I get myself totally distracted and she drives off, waving as she goes.

Again I try to remember my goals and again they won't come. I finish crossing the road and leap about twelve feet into the air, perching on a crumbling arbor by the side of the road. I look out over the ruined city and see that the destruction stretches for miles. I can't even seem to find my house anymore. Is the destruction getting worse? What's happening to this place?

I consider where to explore next but the dream soon ends.

Another fun effort at Task of the Year. I just need to wind up in the right stadium next time. Again, with the gladius-waving DEILD tech that Xanous and I worked out. What a breakthrough that's been!

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #61: It Has to Be the Colosseum!

I'm standing in front of a hotel, holding my 3-year-old son E. A van pulls up nearby and a gang of suspicious-looking men pours out. It looks to me like they're planning a robbery and I wonder what to do.

E points at the men and bleats, "Want to know what they are doing!" The men turn toward us, eyes narrowed. I feel like they're thinking, "Witnesses." I'm scared. I feel like they'll see us as loose ends to tie off, and I hustle back into the hotel lobby with E in my arms.

As I'm casting about for some place to hide, I realize that it's all a dream. I head toward a huge window at the back of the lobby, planning to phase out of the lobby and get into the air for a task. Everything has started to feel unstable and low-fidelity. The sunlight pouring in through the lobby window has started to look like one big blur. E no longer feels heavy and squirmy like a toddler. It feels more like I'm holding a backpack.

I relax and prepare myself for DEILD, and the dream soon goes black. Like I've done so often recently, I imagine that I'm holding a gladius in my right hand and start madly swinging it around. It takes a few tries to convince myself, but the feeling soon takes hold.

In a few more seconds, I hear a roaring crowd of spectators all around me. I know that I'm already out in the middle of the arena. Some people in the crowd seem to be counting -- don't know what to make of that.

All at once, the whole scene falls into place visually. I'm in a completely cel-shaded, cartoony world, and standing in the middle of an enormous football stadium, right on the 50-yard line. An Asian lady in a business suit walks hurriedly toward me saying, "Great, you're here. Let's get going."

My new handler looks in every way like a cartoon character, as does the crowd, the field, the stadium, and everyone in it. Some sort of production crew is wandering around on the field setting up camera and lighting equipment. This is so close to being what I need, but for Task of the Year, I need to be in the Colosseum.

I plead with her that, "It has to be the Colosseum!" but she doesn't seem to hear me. I repeat myself, "I know you're trying, but this isn't quite right. It has to be the Colosseum! Nothing else will work!"

Nobody hears me, though. Everyone seems to be too busy getting this cel-shaded sporting event ready and can't pay me any mind. I'm thinking about how I can change things in my favor, but I'm not far into this when I wake up.

Bedtime - shoot for 9:30PM
Pre-Bed 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 1:15AM
Took supplements set out on bed side table. I wanted to avoid getting out of bed but I had to pee. Then back to bed.
4MG Galantamine
500MG Choline
600MG GPC
approx. .375MG melatonin

I fall straight back to sleep.
*many interruptions*
At about 3:00AM I begrudgingly take 1MG melatonin. That seems to get my drowsy enough. But unfortunately the visual quality was poor and the dreams fragmented. I think it was probably because of the melatonin. Still, I enjoyed some nice but short lucids but the joy was sucked away from all the trouble I had. Maybe, I was expecting too much and maybe I was just thoughtfully pissed off by now.

Gladiator - TOTY (fail)- WILD - around 4AM

I am laying still for a WILD. I begin to 'ohm' meditate but the sound is internal. I experience strong HH/HI. My head is buzzing. There is something in my mouth. It feels like a flat disc that is vibrating. Then, I see I am bitting onto a pink tab on the end of a womans white bath robe. The woman who is wearing the robe is busy doing something. She is sitting on the edge of a tub, starting her bath. She does not seem to notice me and pulls my head along this way and that. I realize what is happening and I come to slightly more awake.

That was unpleasant so I try something else. I go back to "ooooooohm". It quieting my internal chatter. I begin to visualize my own right hand holding a Gladius. Soon it becomes very vivid. I repeat a sideway slash over and over. Soon it becomes more natural to swing up and down in a tomahawk chopping action. I am in the dark void and I can vividly see the hilt of the sword with a brass ball at the end. It is not shiny and smooth but pock marked and dull from heavy use. I can't see the blade because it is more above my head. (Thank you, CanisLucidus for the sword idea!)



I begin to hear things. A solider shouts something in another language. It sounds like he is gruffly barking orders. Then I hear a pounding noise. It sounds a deep drum beat and people stomping all in unison to my over-head-chopping. Each downward slice is a beat. Boom... Boom... Boom... I remain calm and relax more.

Again I vividly hear the solider shouting orders. I am reminded of soldiers in formation for battle but I think, "No. I am in a Colosseum. I am fighting one man." I think maybe those in charge are just getting things ready and that's who I hear.

Now, along with the drum beat and foot stopping, I hear a very large crowd get excited and cheer. It sounds like thousands of people.

I don't over think things here but I just expect to see a Colosseum now. I had prepared before hand how I was going to visualize this. I thought of a simple geometric shape as a building block for the dream scene. I visualize this now. It was a simple curved line to form a wall in front of me like a half circle. Like looking across to the other end of a stadium.



The darkness parts in the middle of my vision like a curtain. My vision is very blurry but I can see enough. The sun is high in mid day. There ground is brown dirt and scattered gravel. Still the crowd is in an uproar. The booming may have stopped I am not sure. I continue my chopping action.

Soon a a figure materializes before me. Still blurry but I see a man that looks a lot like The Prince of Persia.



He wastes no time. He jumps in the air does a downward diagonal slash with his Scimitar. I reflexively put my Gladius up and deftly parry the blow. The impact sends a shock up my arm and startles me. I feel my entire physical body jerk and the scene colapses.


I try to go back in oooohming and chopping but I just can manage. I feel wakeful once more.

Eventually I give up on it all.

OBE DEILD Chains. Time unknown

I barely remember feeling vibrations but I am fooled by a false awakening. I am lying on the floor next to the recliner. There is someone in the recliner who looks a lot like me but I pay no attention. The room and floor is bright white light. It was a lot like the loading area on the Matrix. I feel pissed that I missed the vibrations and think that I did not try. "I really should have tried." I relax and do an in dream WILD. I mantra, "I am dreaming."

In a few seconds I am in the recliner with Vibrations. I float of of my chair. The room is dark (as in RL) and the dream feels really unstable. I feel wobbly and drunk. I try something that I read about. I imagine my feet becoming roots deep into the floor. I can feel my feet fusing down solid. Then I realized there was something I was supposed to do with my hands. I forget so I start rubbing them. I can vivid see the detail of the hard wood floor and the window to the front porch. There is a blue light coming in from a street lamp. I focus visually on this (Actually the visuals was really nice here now that I think about) I start to feel like a tree. I feel like I am growing and stretching. My feet come off the floor. I begin to destabilize. I feel like I was trying too hard or was thinking too much.
I go back to SP.

This time wait but I try to open my eyes. My real eyes pop open. I DEILD with mantra, "I am dreaming."

Back to SP in the recliner. This time I am scared to open my eyes. I feel my way outside onto the front porch. I realize now that the sound from the central unit was completely gone. This made me briefly wonder if I was sleep walking. I realize that I am just really deeply dreaming and feel content with that. I feel along the exterior wall of the house. I brush the screen of a window and realize that was my sons room. I withdraw my hand and tense up thinking I woke him up. I quickly realize this was silly. I turn toward the road and try to open my eyes to see. I open my real eyes and wake up.

I am able to dose off a bit before the alarm clock but I don't recall any more dreams. The clock got me.

took:
- no 5-HTP before going to sleep
- no galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
- no Piracetam when I got up
lucid dreaming: 0 lucid experiences
note:
- been trying out different ways to WILD

took:
- no 5-HTP before going to sleep
- no galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
- no Piracetam when I got up
lucid dreaming: 0 lucid experiences
note:
- been trying out different ways to WILD

took:
- no 5-HTP before going to sleep
- no galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
- no Piracetam when I got up
lucid dreaming: 0 lucid experiences
note:
- been trying out different ways to WILD

took:
- no 5-HTP before going to sleep
- no galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
- no Piracetam when I got up
lucid dreaming: 0 lucid experiences
note:
- 3 dreams recorded, dreams were quite vivid, (flying)

took:
- no 5-HTP before going to sleep
- 1 dose galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
- 2400mg Piracetam when I got up
lucid dreaming: 3 lucid experiences
note:
- 5 dreams recorded, dreams were quite vivid

took:
- 100mg 5-HTP before going to sleep
- 1 dose of galantamine + choline (continuing the 1 day on 1 day off cycle)
lucid dreaming: 2 lucid experiences
note:
- took 100mg 5-HTP (used to stack all the REM sleep towards the end of the night)
- got to sleep at 11:10PM (before 12 I'm starting to think is key)
- galantamine at 4:50AM resulted in a couple of LDs
- great dream recall (5 dreams recorded)
- starting to think the current dose of 5-HTP with my routine has no effect

took:
- 100mg 5-HTP before going to sleep
- 1 dose of galantamine + choline
lucid dreaming: 1 lucid experiences
note:
- took 100mg 5-HTP (used to stack all the REM sleep towards the end of the night)
- got to sleep at 11:30PM
- WBTB @ 5AM (this was too late should have been 4AM)
- great dream recall
- 1 very clear lucid dream
- 5-HTP does not seem to be stacking the REM sleep towards the end of the night so far, need to do more research on the topic

took: 1 dose of galantamine + choline
lucid dreaming: 0 lucid experiences + strong continuous dream sequence
note:
- got to sleep at 12PM
- took galantamine at 4:40AM
- got up at 9:10AM
- need to start using Piracetam (to clear the Galantamine + Choline) after waking up
- need to start using 5-HTP to stack all the REM sleep towards the end of the night
- you can see I was making up for some missed sleep from previous nights

took: 0 dose of galantamine + choline (trying to alternate nights of galantamine)
lucid dreaming: 3 lucid experiences
note:
- got to sleep at 12PM
- lengthy WBTB up between 5:30AM to 7:50AM
- string of LDs (low control) 7:50AM - 8:30AM, RC via watch

theory: you can have an LD during any sleep stage, but any time LDing does not count as rest... the more you LD, the more sleep you need

(Sorry no chart, technical difficulties)

took: 1 dose of galantamine + choline, @ 4:30AM got back to sleep around 4:55AM
lucid dreaming: 1 lucid experiences
note: after a long break from using galantamine it has a powerful effect, only 1 LD but an unussual night of dreams

This was the second of my galantamine dreams from last night. The beginning and middle were fun. The end? Not too good.

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #47: Lost in America

The wind is loud outside but the noise suddenly settles into a murmur. I know that I'm close to a WILD, and soon... I'm in a light rail station, holding hands with my son E. The floor is red brick and the sky above us is clear. Tall buildings surround us on all sides. I don't recognize the buildings, but for some reason I believe that this is New York.

I tell E, "Well, buddy, we're in New York. This is... well, this isn't real, but it's a train station." He hops around, pointing gleefully at the train. I walk with him to the opposite end of the station.

The train starts to move, and E suddenly breaks away from my grip and runs toward it! I'm panicked at the site of him running carelessly toward that train and I run after him. He stops short of actual danger and I grab onto his hand, making sure I've got a good grip this time. "E, you can't do things like that! If you're going to run off, we can't be here."

I take him with me out to a parking lot and our family car is waiting there. There's a small memory gap here, but I'm pretty sure that the car didn't have child seats, but I just ignored this. We're driving in the neighborhood where I grew up. E is there at first but after a few blocks I look back and he's gone.

I pass a set of kids that look like they're fighting. I can't tell what's going on but it looks like someone might be taking a beating. I jump out of the car, forgetting that it's still moving. To my dismay, the car keeps going, turns the corner by itself and drives out of sight. The kids disperse, and nobody seems upset anymore. There's another memory gap before I find myself being shown a house by a real estate agent who looks kind of like CSI's Marg Helgenberger. She calls herself "Madge" and the house has a beautiful, open interior. I'm impressed with the place and wonder if it's similar to any other houses I've seen IWL.

When she takes me into the back of the house, though, things take a horrible turn. The rooms in the back are dark and smoky with makeshift drapes blocking out the sunlight. Drug addicts are passed out all around the place, laying on beds, floors and furniture. Some of them twitch occasionally and I see one man whose leg is streaked with blood. Madge seems mildly embarrassed and says, "It does need a little fixing up."

When we get to the bathroom, I see a clearly dead man lying in the tub. I panic, probably lose lucidity, and run back down the hall. Madge is running too, but the hallways have all changed. I can't find my way back to the sane part of the house and my panic collapses the dream.