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Long dreams but poor recall again. Dream vividness/in-dream detail has been fairly high.

29th December 2020

Fragment:

Was getting out of a house, getting ready to go somewhere. I climb some roof or something like and for some reason I get something really bad in my left leg, it's very painful. My leg gets amputated below the knee.

Then I'm in a classroom? I walk around, dealing with phantom limb sensations. I tell some therapist I'll try the mirror box theory later when I get a chance, to try and teach my leg/brain that things are different now. I see B from school and talk to him about some drawings he'd made.

The phantom limb can somehow still hold or move a sandal at the end of where my foot would actually be. I can see the old missing bit of my leg, as if it was phasing in and out.

30th December 2020

Dream, fragmented:

Driving on a motorway/highway. J and my siblings talking to me in a street? I'm in a city of some kind, it's day time. It seems quiet but not overly so, just like not a lot of people actually live here or lead peaceful lives. J was comforting me in some kind of parental way, but I don't remember about what.

At some point my view changes and it becomes top-down. Things look a bit like Factorio. I launch a nuke ICBM from a silo and after going up out of sight it comes back down only a few structures away from the silo. The silo is OK after this but most of the rest in the area gets destroyed; robots quickly start replacing most of it and I try to manually place some alternate structures.

(transition gap)

At a castle, there with mom and T. We take a walk around the outer area of the castle, close to the walls. At some point I climb up some tower. It's really high up and I can see the sky and the sun, as well as distant mountains. Sunset.

Later in the same area, something about a couple of roofers. I take away a couple of carrier bags and T helps me. I ask if they have some drinks because I'm taking the cola away with me. I accidentally lose grip and drop the carrier bag with it down a flight of worn stone stairs. I don't worry and let out an "oops". T gets slightly upset, or annoyed.

Then at ground level in an inner courtyard area. I look around and see limestone? yellow-ish stone, into which there are relief carvings and sculptures. I feel compelled to clean these carefully, they're covered in moss and general dirt.

(transition gap)

Then I'm on a bus with aunt B and mom. B is telling a story about ravines in Germany and how they are very popular attractions. The bus driver is sort of at the middle/back of the bus. It has a weird layout but looks standard otherwise. I think the driver struggles with seeing where he's going and it feels like there's a lot of traffic around us. It's an overcast day but I remember we go through a tunnel at some point. I remember seeing the ravines my aunt was on about, but partly in my mind, but as vividly as if real?

(then, many fragments)

Views of animated scenes with M/M themes. I think something to myself, a kind of feeling of envy (about the authors?) but the specifics are lost. I look up images of Zor'Drak for some reason. The same themes again, explicit in some cases. One picture is of him with an open maw and a tiny creature on his tongue, pleasuring itself; they both seem to be enjoying the activity. There's a light and warm glow coming from deeper inside the mouth. The description mentions "Ezekiel" and it seems this has something to do with the smaller character.

Morning of June 1, 2015. Monday.



I deliberately semi-lucidly reset my dream about four times. The way I did it involved having to be on my left side and mentally focusing on an area above the center of our bed, which is similar to a routine relating to my more abstract dream sequences. I have often deliberately gone back into the same dream scenario throughout my life by semi-lucid intent and typically made both lucid and non-lucid changes for each version prior to waking for the day.

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Jordan Gavaris of “Orphan Black” is in an unusual production of “Swan Lake” with unfamiliar people (other than a younger version of my wife Zsuzsanna) and at one point is wearing a white bodysuit (though people seem to change costumes quickly while still on the stage). The stage is mostly like a large platform that is elevated and centered very high above the audience and access is via one corner that is much like a circus trapeze setup. I do not seem to be directly involved in the performance even though I am on stage most of the time. Unused stage props and equipment remain on the stage at all times. The only way that any members of the audience far below could see the stage is by way of monitors near ground level, though I am not directly aware of any cameras nearby.

Although I am somewhat wary of the edges of the stage, it seems safe enough. At one point, Jordan and a few others ride in a sleigh-like vehicle that looks like a white swan, which is being pulled by a rope by a machine on one side of the stage. I am perceiving and copying (to a lesser extent) Jordan’s mood in his wariness about being too close to the edge of the platform at times, but he does not fall.

In one of the last resets, an unknown male climbs up to the platform from far below. I am not sure if he is involved in the production though he watches for a time. Oddly, I get the impression he may also be a known serial killer (something to do with his appearance seeming slightly familiar as such) but I am not that worried, because there are so many other people around. In all versions of my dream, I begin to feel an intense exhilaration at being so high up even though there is a vague sense of the whole setup possibly being precarious and an awareness that people could easily fall to their death at any moment, especially in going near the edges of the platform.

In the last reset, the platform seems higher than ever. When I look down at one area, the audience is so far away, I can barely discern individual people. It seems somewhat like a football stadium at this point (though about four times the distance from the center), with the platform elevated from the center of the field. The curious sensations of giddiness and exhilaration continue, though not enough to be disorienting. I do not become fully lucid at any point even though I was aware enough to reset my dream a few times. Additionally, there is the typical indoor-outdoor ambiguity, where I seem to be in an indoor and outdoor setting simultaneously. For example, the “curtains” which seem to be at a distance and impossibly large, also seem integrated as the “sky” at times.

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I explain this dream type further in “Dreams of Type PRECONAV-VSCPCEL, 01-15”.

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