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Non-dream Dream

Dream 1:

I am house-sitting for my parents in their old house on Pam Ln. My wife is with me and we are sleeping in the master bedroom downstairs. The bedroom looks very similar to what I remember as a child except in addition to the sliding door out to the spa there is another very large window behind the bed. My wife wakes me up. It must be morning because we can see clearly out of the windows. She is very concerned because we see a coyote walking across the window by the spa and our cats our outside somewhere. I try banging on the window to scare it away but this doesn’t work. After this attempt I resort to tormenting the coyote. I am laughing at it, scratching on the walls, yelling at it, and talking shit on it because it can’t get inside.

Suddenly it gets dark outside as if it were nighttime again and the coyote grows bigger. More coyotes are outside now and they are trying to get in. I regret my previous actions and I am now frightened. The coyotes are very intelligent and one of them is talking to me – it called me stupid. My wife and I move upstairs to my old bedroom, closing two doors behind us. We are almost certain that the coyotes will get inside of the house but we feel safe in this room. We realize that we will eventually have to face them when we leave the room and we are scared.

Wake up.

Dream 2:

I am in a huge crossfit gym getting coached by coach D. There is some kind of tournament going on. I haven’t been to the gym in a very long time so coach D is designing a special workout for me. I begin with box jumps and he brings out a 12” box. I pride myself in being a great jumper so I tell him that for this exercise I want to use the same box everyone else is using. He brings out a 30” box and I am having a lot of trouble with it. It seems to be as tall as me and I have to use my hands to pull myself up onto the box. Embarrassed that I can’t do it, I call coach D over and ask for the shorter box. Then I move on to a 225lb deadlift and a few other exercises. Coach D and some other people are recruiting me for their football team but I decline. They want me to play the occasional cornerback by I say that in order for me to play I have to be one of their main options for quarterback and wide receiver because that’s what I’m used to.

Soon after my workout I discover that there are hundreds of pigs lying around the gym. They are all dead, hairless and they appear to have been infected with something. I am completely grossed out. We all get white trash bags and go around throwing all of the pigs in the bags. I am now standing in a disgusting pool picking up the pigs. Coach D apologizes and explains that his pigs are breeding out of control and he can’t handle taking care of all of them – that’s why they died.

The horrible pool of water that I am standing in contains a bunch of broken needles. Me and some other guy step on the needles and one goes very deep into my foot. I announce that I have been stabbed in the lymph node and it is very deep. The guy next to me says it will be fine and I reply “you don’t know as much about science as I do.” I have a strong feeling that it will give me cancer.

I am not in the gym anymore and it looks like I am at someone’s apartment. I go through some weird scenes explaining what lymph nodes do. Basically if you leave stuff open then bad things like pollen and other irritants will get into the lymph nodes (?!?). Bill Murray is acting it all out. Bad things are attracted to me now and are trying to get me sick.

Dream 3:

I am in the parking lot at a golf course. Some guy comes up to me and begs me to play. He tells me that nobody is playing this course because there is some crazy guy roaming the course. He offers to pay for everything: green fees, golf balls, etc. I accept. We go into the pro shop and he purchases a couple of golf balls. I tell him that I’m not very good so I will probably need more than that. We head out to the course and the guy changes into my dad. The course is very difficult and the balls are cheap. They look and feel like balls of mud. I manage to birdie the first hole. On the second hole I out-drive my dad off the tee but he ends up winning. I got stuck in a sand trap that was impossible to get out of. One time I managed to hit the ball from the sand trap and hit the flag stick, but the ball just rolled back into the sand. I eventually realized that there were other holes IN the sand trap that were eligible.

I go back to his house and he administers some strange medicine that makes me very sick but I get better later on.

Non-dream Dream

Dream 1:

I am at a water park / amusement park. I go on a crazy roller coaster with my wife.

Dream 2:

I am at a doctor's office with my wife talking about having a baby. There is some kind of complication and we have to make a choice. Either I would have to carry the child or my wife needs surgery. They run some tests on my wife and decide that they can do the surgery. They need to put some new walls in her vagina. I ask "how long before we can start trying for a baby?" The doc says one month after the surgery.

Dream 3:

I am back at my old house on Pam Lane. I am with my wife and my coworker GM. He is living in DA's house across the street from mine. He is telling me about someone who got murdered. Some little kid comes up on his bike and interrupts us. He asks if I own a beagle. I say yes. The kid says that my beagle got away again and then goes on to explain how everyone in the neighborhood hates my dog. I go out onto the street and see my dog. I start chasing him but he runs down to the end of the street.

I drive down to the end of the street. My dog is in someone's garage along with my two cats S and V. I park in the driveway, go inside the garage, and knock on the inside door. I ask if I can leave my car there while I take my pets home (I don't want to get hair in my car). She rudely replies "You got 10 minutes." This pisses me off because there is no reason to put a time limit on it since she had nothing to do. She is just being a bitch so I punch her dog in the stomach (in her garage).

I miraculously pick up all three of my animals (kind of just stacked them) and walk home. It has suddenly changed from daytime to nighttime and I remember that I only have ten minutes. I start speed walking incredibly fast. I look at the houses wiz by and it seems like I am walking about 40 mph. I think "How is it possible for me to be walking this fast?"

HOW AM I NOT LUCID AT THIS POINT!?!

I drop the pets off in my backyard and head back to the old lady's house. I run because I am out of time. I think "Why can't I run as fast as I was speed walking earlier?" I finally get to the house and knock on her garage door. It opens slowly to reveal her smirking face. Apparently she has a camera in her garage and caught me punching her dog. She steps aside to reveal a cop waiting to arrest me for animal cruelty. The cop is a famous fat actor. I run and hide in her neighbors backyard.

Non-dream Dream

Dream 1:

I have two options for golf holes to play in my front yard. I can hit up my street towards the houses (222 yards) but it is risky. It is easy to mishit and damage homes. The second option is to hit across the street into the park. I took a 3 iron out of my bag to play the risky hole but I chicken out.

Dream 2:

I am spiderman and I'm putting people into jail. There is a playboy magazine with spiderman on the cover.

Dream 3:

My brother and I are back at our old house. I am sleeping in my old room and he is downstairs waiting for me to go do something important.