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I think I started to get sick this day, which might explain the weird and stressful dreams.

Jumbled Mess
0845: Software at work is breaking. We buy something close but it fails two. I want a chance to fix it. The whole thing catches on fire. I think if break it into pieces, it will work. I try to convince people I was wedding chaplain in the army. On a beach with a big bon fire. Also like SAV home office.

Weird Father Dream
1045: Father trying to sell solve computer problem. ... try to call Google but their office won't open for a few hours. He3 suggests we break into their office and steal what we need. I say let's not be so hasty. Since the problem can wait, no sense committing a crime. We can solve it any time during the week, when their office will be open.

Then similar situation in a college class. Father want to cheat on a test. He tries the ... way into a parking lot to avoid the fence. He wants to lie to the professor about being on vacation.

More Paranoia
1205: Trying to solve math problems with my sister. Don't have a calculator. My father's truck is in a parking lot. The brakes barely work. Security cameras everywhere.

Entry #1.
Sleeping period: 10.5 hours
[ ] Lucid [X] Nearly-Lucid [ ] Non-Lucid [ ] Nightmare [ ] Controlled
Comments: Bad memory of last nights dreams...Not much to elaborate on.

I was at my locker with Mika. It was dark, and the halls were crowded. I was showing her my new dress that I had stored in my locker. This is the first time where I nearly became lucid. I started to wonder how I had the dress there while the dress was also at home. I simply dismissed it, thinking perhaps I had two of the same dress and I had forgotten.

Then I was in bible class at school, the classroom looked as it does in reality. I asked to go to the restroom, I went without having to fill out a pass. I got lost in the hallways, the school was like a maze suddenly and everything was more complex than reality. I came out at the west exit inside. Mrs. Landes was there, she passed by and said "You did well on your test." This is when I realized that I needed a shower. It was so ridiculously important, I absolutely needed a shower. I could feel that time was quickly passing and I was going to be in trouble for missing class. I almost, ALMOST became lucid here...My instincts were telling me to keep going and not stop to get a shower.

Abruptly, I was with my mom. I can't clearly recall where we were...But I think we were in the car on the way to New York City. I was crying and telling her how I missed all of my classes, since the day was now night, and my teachers were going to be angry.

Somehow, it turned back into day. This part is a bit blurry. I sort of remember being in the cafeteria of the Native American museum in Washington, D.C.. The next clear part is walking up a city street with Clare, my friend. A cathedral is in between buildings, it looks like it doesn't belong. I don't remember the rest, but I sort of think I may have woken up at this point.

And there we go. My first dream journal entry...It wasn't too bad.

It started out and I was having problems getting to sleep, but when I did I woke up thinking that I had no chance of sleeping. I finally did go back to sleep, I think it was cold, which caused me to want to change where I was. This is where I told myself I'm in a dream... I must have closed my eyes but I certainly do not remember.

Looking around I saw fences and any feeling of being too hot or too cold just went. I felt sand between my toes but sharp areas on my big toes. I started to walk around, when I started to walk I don't remember any feeling of sand or sharpness, I don't remember anything but excitement, closing my eyes and still remembering I was dreaming I tried going somewhere else. I felt my body lock up, and I remember reading about Sleep Paralysis so I believed it was that, I tried to move my body, which I could do, then causing my dream to fade away.

I remember a feeling of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas in there, and I believe that's where I got the Car park from.
This was certainly a great experience, and I truly hope, it isn't my last.

I was sitting in my backyard with my brother. I saw behind him a fat oval shaped chicken glide down from a tree. It started to flap its wings and run to the front. I chased after it to kill it. When i got to the front it was gone. I went back to the backyard and went inside the house with my brother. Something was telling me this was a dream. I just had a feeling it was. So i did a reality check. i plugged my nose and i could still breathe. I had to do this a couple times because everything felt so real that i thought i was just doing it wrong. I decided to believe it really was a dream. I went to my brother who was on the stairs and told him "Justin, im dreaming!" he said "what? Really!?" I walked back into the kithen and my friend was there, i followed him into the bathroom and said "hey dude, this is a dream. im dreaming!" He replied "i don't believe you!" so i said ill prove it watch this. i plugged my nose and breathed. i said im gonna go outside and try to do some tricks. I walked outside to the front. I looked at my hands. Everything was so vivid and real like. I tried to light a flame with my hand like the guy from fantastic four. I snapped my fingers repeatedly but nothing happened. i then started to act as if i was creating a ball of fire in both my hands and i tried throwing it to see if fire would actually appear. still nothing. As i kept throwing my hands around trying this my friend walked out and saw me looking like a fool. I realized this and laughed. I stopped and walked towards the driveway. A man appeared. He had an athletic build, middle eastern looking with short black curly hair. He was in athletic gear. A yellow soccer shirt, and shorts. His eyes were bright white with bright brown. He just stood their looking at me (possibly my dream guide?). i ignored him and continued walking to the end of my driveway. At the end of the driveway was this short fat indian man with long grey hair and a big pointy nose. He was saying something but i can't remember what. He had some white bird or owl wrapped in a cloth like a ball. He set it down and i grabbed it and started runnning down the street. I stopped in my neighbors yard and looked back. the indian had chased me but he stopped infront of me and yelled "the white bird!" i set it down and continued running. there was a car in my neighbrs yard so i climbed over it and on the other side was a long bottomless pit. i tried jumpnig across but i fell. I woke up.

Too much to drink on New Years Eve to dream much. Restless sleep, bad recall, but two vivid images.

In which I see a winter landscape...

There are rolling hills that gently ascend to bluffs, high above a river. There are two bare limbed trees at the end of one bluff but the rest of the hills are only pastures of grass that has yellowed in the winter. The dream zooms in on the bluff with the trees, and I see a small cottage sits nearby. Smoke comes from the chimney and a light is on inside. The snow starts to fall and soon the landscape is blanketed with fresh snow. It piles up on the roof and tree branches. Two blue birds fly from the tree and land on the house.

In which I see a dead horse...

I see a horse that has fallen dead. Blood pours from his eyeballs and his nose. It disturbs me so much that I wake up.

31.12.2010

Meditation Theater (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Me and this man who wears a sweater and has curly gray white hair star in this play film and we are in a scene. In the movie we are sneaking into the Quaker side of town which looks 19th century and English. We enter a building and walk up the stairs. I see a blond child in front of three boards. One has sweaters pinned onto it and a picture of a vegan girl who is about 3 or 4 years old. She has large black eyes and black hair tied up in a pony tail with only a diaper on. 'Tylenol' is written on a piece of paper and pinned to a sweater.
Then a man in a black suit comes out from the right and I hear this tune D crotchet F# quaver A dotted crotchet F# quaver A crotchet over and over played by horns and rhythm section. The man explains that it is not enough to wear the sweater with Tylenol to fight poverty. The blond boy then says, "the sweater is so yesterday."
I then see men and it is as if I am on a conveyor belt which moves forward as I see these men come in and out of my dream vision.They are in firefighter uniforms and are spraying water towards me. The place is dark and I see orange siren lights. Some of them are standing on metal frames high above ground but most of them are on the ground to my immediate left and I am looking at them at an angle. There is a pattern; I would see one Asian firefighter who is short and wears yellow/orange/white firefighter uniforms and that would alternate with a few tall Western firefighters in blue. And somehow the welfare of Asian and Western firefighters are different, with Westerners favored.
I now enter a theater (I am guessing that this is still inside the English building). The hall has a very nice fluffy vanilla carpet. The vegan girl that I saw earlier falls over in front of me and seriously scrapes her left shoulder (on the fluffy carpet?) There are many people walking in front of her down the stairs toward the stage.
I am 3/4 of the way up the other stairs now on the right side of the theater and the seats have small foldaway tables that are found in lecture theaters in universities. One of them has a metal mug on it that I recognize as belonging to Irene. We sit there (me and the old guy who I think has now turned into a girl I know) and then Irene soon comes.
I say, "I am so excited to see you two meet."
Irene says, "I am equally as excited to meet her."
I see the vegan girl to my left and I think I take her shirt off (and excuse me for being a pedophile in this dream). She walks away, looks at me angrily and then walks out of the theater. I follow her. (For the sake of continuity of story, I walk down the stairs outside the theater that leads to the front of the stage.)
I see my father on the right wing of the theater. He is sitting and there a people doing walking mediation near him (I've just got back from a 3 day meditation retreat and there was A LOT of walking meditation).
I walk lightly and quickly towards my father in order to hug him (I also see Irene nearby) but he says with an annoyed face, "don't touch me! What slide?!"
What the??

2 nights ago: Dream start: I am inside cod6: modern warfare 2, In the map quarry. I am there alone, Or with a girl with short black hair, Like a TV haircut around her face. I realize that a war is going on as there is a mp5k gun in my hands and that there is a small group of people with me. We are in a small warehouse with windows on the sides and a large double door which is open at the bottom. Suddenly i look out of a window and see Jeremy Clarkson running down the dirt track on the edge of the map to where the bomb would be on S'nD (B) with 2 other people. I put my gun on the window ledge and let rip but the BB pelleets fire in a very weird way. They are all spread out like a grid flying away. I am surprised and duck back into the window and do not know if i have hit them. I fall back with my team to another window and jump up onto a desk in a corner and stay there contemplating.

End.


Today: I am in a warehouse which is dimly lit. I am in a corner of the warehouse and realize that i am not alone. Zombielike creatures are coming towards me so i make my way to a office which has reinforced windows all around it. I make my way there and realise i cannot enter. Suddenly the zombies are upon me and I somehow can stack boxs like the game minecraft. I build up a wall and the zombies cannot get me. I start jumping up and down and out of the corner of my eye i can see a elegant man in a dark suit with a large pistol, like a deagle walking along the walkway on the top of the warehouse. He could have saved me but doesnt and continues walking into a cubicle on the top stairs. I follow him in but nothing is in the room he went into. I wake - No lucid

I was at what was apparently school. Me and a bunch of people were in some giant wooden lodge. There were a few wooden tables about, and I was at one of them. Mrs. P and Mr. B were giving us some assignment there. RE was there. She was supposed to get something, so she went off to get it outside. Later she called on my cellphone and asked if the teachers were there yet.

Eventually I ended up in some car. Mrs. P was in there, and I think my mother was driving. We were talking about how I had given Mr. B a giant toblerone chocolate bar. Mrs. P said something about it being a good way to get him to shut up. Then it ended.

I am sitting on the floor in a large white room and there is some workshop taking place. There are other people sitting on the floor too. We are all sitting in a circle. I have noticed a small metal box with some ornaments on its sides and X or O on each side too. The box is in the middle of the circle. there is RG sitting there too. I have e feeling that we are playing some kind of game, even though we are all still.

*this is all I remember.

I am standing in a field. Several houses surround the field, each made with dull orange bricks. It's quite a nice sunny day (a common theme in my dreams) but I feel sad. Apparently I had to go back to school. I saw my two friends, O and O walking past me quite happily. I walk towards where I know the school is, and turn into another field, this time with a football pitch. While walking accross, I join more people walking to school. Suddenly, a small blonde boy stands in front of me, smirking. I try and fail to get past him, and then I get hit from behind. A group of 12 year olds start beating me up, spinning me round, throwing me e.t.c. I'll teach the little f****** I think, but every time I try to throw a punch, I meet heavy resistance until I either stop short of them, or it hits with barely any force. They aren't actually hurting me, but its infuriating to not be able to do anything. I used to get bullied a lot (though never physically, thank god) and this used to be a common theme in my dreams . One of my friends, B, calls "I thought you said fighting Year 7's was easy!" They find my struggle hilarious, and eventually throw me at the ground and go off to play football. I walk away to take an alternate route: a small path running down the side of the field, seperated by a small hedge. I find a stick, hop on and zoom along about a meter off the ground. Suddenly, I see a floating stick in front of me, blocking my path. I think to myself, "If I were lucid right now, that stick would..." and BLAM! POW! THOCK! THWUMP! HEDGEMONY! I become lucid. The stick seems to be some kind of evil force, trying to manifest in the stick and morph to a form more dangerous to me. As it dramatically gathers itself, I just bluntly grab it out of the air. No evil in my dreams...well, other than my evil. I smile wikedly to myself. I wonder how those Year 7's will cope with a lucid warrior? Righteous fury welling inside me, I fly dramatically over the hedge and make a beeline for the football pitch where I can see the perpetuators. The dastardly curs! And then, the dream changes and I loose the little lucidity I had. The rest of the dream involves me placing presents in giant christmas stockings. Still, at least I had a new years lucid!

I was walking with my family down a snowy road with a video game disk in my hand ( idk why..) . Then I dropped it and it somehow floated and hit a train. It didn't break so I picked it up. Then we walked to a random concession stand and I got a burrito. After that I walked to a hotel where I saw myself in window, that was when I gained control of the dream. I stabilized it, then Looked back in the mirror and saw a weird looking guy in a mask behind me. Sadly then I woke up...

I was walking with my family down a snowy road with a video game disk in my hand ( idk why..) . Then I dropped it and it somehow floated and hit a train. It didn't break so I picked it up. Then we walked to a random concession stand and I got a burrito. After that I walked to a hotel where I saw myself in window, that was when I gained control of the dream. I stabilized it, then Looked back in the mirror and saw a weird looking guy in a mask behind me. Sadly then I woke up...

★☆☆☆☆

01/01/11

"I'd like a triple Venti half-sweet white mocha, please," says the woman. Her curly brown hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and she digs through her purse for change.

I nod absently, pick up my sharpie and mark the drink, putting it on the bar next to the other three drinks that have already been ordered. My hand scrapes against the white fabric and I pause, glancing at the alarm clock on my nightstand. Two AM. Wait...

"What the fuck are you people doing in my house?" I mutter, shaking off the last fragments of the dream. Still half-asleep, I imagine that the customers are waiting impatiently in my living room. Irritated and disoriented, I curl up and try to go back to sleep.

Coffee. Scare Factor: 4.

And working New Years Day... what a nightmare.

dream lucid semi-lucid - Night of Jan 1

I was in a 5 star hotel. Me and my friend were getting chased by the police around the whole hotel. I was running away from the police and I didn't even know what I did. My friend and I blended into the crowd by join a tour group inside the hotel. We would always walk away casually when a officer would look in our direction. While we were walking an officer asks us if we have seen two boys in the hotel running. I said yeah and pointed behind us. He said something on his walkie talkie and ran towards that direction. My friend and I ran in the elevator and went up to the highest floor. We ran in the hallway when we saw two officers one male and one female scouting the floor for us. The male officer saw us and whispered something in the females ear. They then begin to walk casually towards us. My friend and I break into a sprint and the male officer shouts STOP! We run towards the stairs with the officers gaining on us. We open the door to a room instead and slam it shut so it looks like we went in there.
We then ran the other way down the hallway when we heard the officers break down the door to the room that we opened. While their attention was focused to the room we ran to the elevator but saw a cop was guarding it. We ducked right before he saw us. We ran back to the stairs because it was our only option left to escape. We opened the door to the stairs and jumped down the railing right when the two officers who were chasing us came to see the noise of us jumping down the staircase. When I hit the bottom I woke up. Another VICTORY

In the part of this dream that I remember, I'm leaving work at a psychiatric ward (which was a former waking-life workplace for way too many miserable years) and I'm driving a Model T type early automobile, in the style of the era when they used to be actually called automobiles, or horseless carriages. Aidan is a patient in the hospital and I stumble across his records; he is from a very wealthy family who is keeping it quiet, and he is under the name Adam MacNeill.

(Triggers from waking life: I've been watching a lot of Road to Avonlea lately as a way of dealing with the stress of being home for Christmas with a real-life 21st-century family. There are a lot of those early cars in that show. Also, I'd noticed that there was a minor character named MacNeill, never seen, but named as the legal owner of Green Gables. I'd recognized that as one of the series' many sly nods to the author's estate: Lucy Maud Montgomery's grandmother, who was her legal guardian and who was by most accounts very strict and harsh with the young Maud, had been named Lucy Woolner MacNeill. I had had a conversation with my mother about my father's early-onset Alzheimer's and the fact that he is starting from an IQ well above normal, so his memory loss is not as easily noticed; I'd commented that in the patients I'd assessed, we had to start with a rough idea of their baseline IQ, and usually the professors or economists or others of that social class who were somehow in the public mental health care system (and very few were, as their families usually made private arrangements) were harder to flag as having memory difficulties needing attention, because their scores on the Wechsler Memory Test were usually at or above normal.)

I'm well aware that I have no business even being aware that Aidan is in need of care (although I kind of know that anyway), let alone that he's an inpatient. There is some kind of paperwork that needs to be completed and left on the supervising psychologist's desk before I drive off in my ahooga-mobile. This paperwork will mean I'll be fired when the supervisor gets around to reading it, but I leave in the car before he finishes his coffee. It's the end of the day anyway on a Friday and it's time I was driving off. (In the real-life job, there was a stretch where every Friday contained some kind of reason to worry all weekend about losing my job.) When I do drive off, I'm stopped at a turnstile on the way out and asked for change. I initially don't have it and will be unable to escape the hospital, but eventually I do find it and get out of there.

Cut to a wealthy neighbourhood. My mother, a young girl in her 20s, is there with her toddler. I am there with a camera to take photos, but she has quarrelled with the family in one of the houses there and wants to get the photos taken as furtively as possible in the nearby park on the swings. My job is to carry the camera.

(Real-life parallel: My 20-month-old nephew is here and, for his time with Grandma, who is ill, it is often my job (and my pleasure, so no problem there) to follow and fetch soothers and the like and to open the baby gate. In other words, I'm there to perform all the low-profile support tasks so Grandma can have her joyful time with her grandson. I figure I can always get my time.)

One of the families across the street in that wealthy neighbourhood is the MacNeill family. It is a huge house, tan-coloured, with quaint rustic white trim hanging down from its roof, like Rose Cottage in the Avonlea series.

Oh, I know too darn well that I need to make myself scarce when anywhere around the MacNeills!!