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The dream started in a house that was a mix of my house, my guitarist's, and my fiance's houses. My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a concert for a band that doesn't exist. We ended up just walking through some suburbs in fancy goth outfits but it was still nice. We then went outback, where there was a super nature-y neighborhood (mainly trailers and tents and stuff but also some houses) where she wanted to check out a listing for a 3 bedroom trailer. We got there and it was a one bedroom/studio trailer with a giant pylon installed through it. Needless to say, she needed to keep searching.

Later, I show a friend (either it was Edynn or one of my headmates, hard to tell) the listing, and it was gone. We continued through the neighborhood and saw drive in theaters playing sci-fi movies about robots and 3D models of trailers. We then came upon an exact replica of my childhood home.

Upon entering, my grandma was in the kitchen. She was talking incoherently and on the stand in front of the back window was a small paperback cook book she authored after she lost lucidity. The book was page after page of incoherent nonsense with illustrations of recipes made from ingredients that don't exist. Think AI generated food but it looked as if they were actual photos. I go up to her and ask "hey grandma, what made you decide to make a cook book?" And she responded by taking it out of my hands, mumbling vaguely about regret, and beginning to tear it up page by page. I panicked and took it out of her hands, to which she responded by screaming at me and chasing me and my friend out the front door.

Before we could fully leave, she stopped and began to apologize to her late husband, which we soon connected the dots as representing an attempt to apologize to me directly. For a moment, we saw a glimpse into the memories she was living through in that moment, sitting on a recliner in front of a shadowy, warped figure. It was like it was projected in front of us and the grandma that was in front of me temporarily vanished. When she came back, we hugged as she talked, and an illustration of a lion showed up behind us, after which I audibly said "oh my god, you're still alive" and began crying in her arms. The whole time I should mention that sad symphonic movie music was playing. I don't remember if I told her I loved her or not. I suppose this whole scene was my brain's roundabout way of saying she was still alive in my heart or something like that.

I woke up crying for the first time ever about my grandmother's death since it happened in September 2019. I suppose I deliberately prevented myself from saying goodbye in the waking world so as to not have to handle emotions that I was still afraid of at the time. I don't know if she would have approved of me being trans or any of the other stuff I came out as since her death, but she tried her hardest to raise me even as her dementia got worse, so I have something to thank her for regardless.


RIP Martha Flinchum, 1933-2019

Legend

Colors: Lucid, Semi-lucid, Non-lucid
[comment from waking] in angle brackets
(comment / clarification from dreaming) in parentheses
Abbreviations: DS = dream sign, CH = childhood home, S1/S2 = sons, S/O = someone, S/A = something about, [f] = fragment, b/r = bathroom trip, Wn = waking #n, BT = bedtime, OOB = final out of bed time in morning, DO = Disembodied Observer

Summary of the Night

• Wakings:
  
  1. 01:25 b/r no recall,
  2. 04:18, b/r, recall
  3. 05:11, b/r recall?, long hard BTS (starting now or even at waking #2?), pretended to sleep and after some time it worked and fell asleep and dreamed some more
  4. final waking: 06:51 (maybe one more period of sleep? Possibly more mini wakings before 06:51
• BT: ~23:06, OOB: ~08:00, fitbit: 88 (7:04 sleep 0:41 awake, 1:57 REM, 1:36 deep)
• Recall quality: summon quite vivid w/presence & semi-lucid, dept store girls fairly vivid, sex toy w/ presence
• Got close to sleep and maybe did fall asleep between 7 and 8, very relaxed

---

W2/3: Car outside CH
With some people getting in to a car on the street outside CH, heading up S street?

W2/3: Pool Privileges
Begins with a DO scene from a high height looking down on an outdoor daylight scene of a large swimming pool and building complex. My dad and sister are commiserating that some woman, despite not having earned it through years of work like my dad did, has free access to this pool complex. Then I'm down in the pool and there is a sort of race or training class, with tons of swimmers (all guys). They are crowding down in to the pool making it almost impossible for me to pull myself out. I manage to pull myself out and sit on the edge there looking at them all in the pool.

I'm walking outside along a path/road above coast line, there is a building and parking lot here, there is a car (?) we need to get into. A bit farther own, (down a flight of stairs?), there are a couple guys talking about a car there, what the did to modify it, and it's special design.

W2/3: Hallway
I'm walking through a long hallway looking into rooms. There are also closed doors. At the end of the hallway is a door leading to a 2nd/3rd story outside exposed (no roof) landing, twilight lighting. Back inside there is a large room and people are meeting and discussing something (it's a control center?)

W4: Summoning Sons
Outside city urban sidewalk, there's a guy there and there's a parking meter. I grab some coins from my pocket (for the parking meter?) and then I'm thinking what can I buy with these coins in the vending machine inside the building here: (water?). Then I hear piano music [ambient sound RARE in dreams, and I've been thinking about this recently], it is the music that my son S1 used to play in his childhood piano lessons [ probably false but I thought I recognized it ]. I enter the staircase that leads down a story to the room below street level in the building, expecting to see my son S1 playing the piano. There is a large open white featureless room with a young boy in the middle (playing the piano? [don't remember seeing a piano]), who is not my son S1. I want to summon my son S1, so I walk further into the room turning to the left, where there is an alcove, expecting to see S1, but when it comes into view, there is no one there, just a large pile of objects strewn around (toys?). I turn back on my path and retrace my steps to the main opening area, now I want to summon son S2 as he was as a very young child. I'm getting very emotional and lose my semi-lucidity, and instead of summoning S2 I'm pleading for him to appear. "S2! Baby S2!" I really crave to see him, he does not appear, either.

W4: Department Store Girls
I'm in a department store scene, a display area (like for clothing or housewares) with a "living room" open area around a central circular low coffee table, and display shelves all around it. The area is packed with girls, sitting on the table, sitting on couches, chairs.

Spoiler for click if you really want to see, slight sexual content:

A lot of them have skirts hiked up around their legs and I'm maneuvering around to get some good views of their panties. I get a few glimpses. I do not belong in this group. It is a meeting of some sort and there are organizers (older women?) on the other side of the shelve barrier around this living room area. They're talking and discussing things. I wonder how long I can keep checking out the girls without being detected.

W4: Sex Toy
I'm lying in bed, my wife L has gone to the shower. I find a red male sex toy in the cabinet next to the bed and am surprised that it's there. I wonder how my wife didn't see it or comment on it.

Spoiler for sexual:

I feel "randy" and put my (ahem) in the thing, I'm not really ready for it, but move it around. Then I see an "on" switch and wonder if the batteries could still be good. It starts vibrating, intensifying the sensation. I start getting really into it.

Then I realize I can't hear the shower any more -- L could walk in at any moment I quickly stash the toy in the cabinet, on the far right back under a pile of cubical boxes of spare light bulbs that we rarely use.

W4: Tickling "Tina"
I'm lying in a room next to a girl, "Tina". I think it would be fun to tickle her, so I reach over and start tickling her sides, she immediately objects, "No, no! Don't do that" I immediately stop. I reach to touch her tummy to see what is wrong with her, she says "My stomach hurts!" I think about lifting up her shirt to see what's wrong with her stomach but decide it's better just not to touch her any more if she doesn't feel well.

Final waking?: Car monster
Sort of vague and short, but the idea is that some monster thing like a Vampire is attacking cars and stabbing a weapon through the roof [day residue: the mosquito attack from the movie Jumanji

A very long, completely non-linear, nonsensical dream. I won't try and make any story out of it, just writing as I remember things...


It was around Christmas time and millions of people had gathered to see a Christmas play in a theater. All of the people, including myself, were large nesting doll type things. I was much older, maybe 40-50, and had a husband. The line to the theater was inside a dimly lit hallway, and was so long it seemed to stretch out forever. By the time we got to the theater, the play was ending. We were the last to leave, the stage and hallway so eerily empty now. At the door to the exit a receptionist told us we needed a key to leave, which would have been given to us during the show. I tried explaining to her that we'd got in late and weren't given a key. The three of us talked like old friends for a while before my husband pulled out a key and placed it in it's lock, and we left the theater.

Then, I was in a shop that had tables and chairs set up like a classroom. Outside it had been snowing heavily, and I was covered head to toe in winter gear. I was also my own age again, human, and had no husband. I'd wanted to go out to ski, but didn't have any skis. At the entrance to the shop was a row of pigeonholes with different footwear in each hole. As I thought about stealing a pair of skis, my inner monologue in the form of a pink fairy flew around me and told me not to, but I did it anyways. Then I went outside and skied up and down a large hill of snow for a while. When I reached the bottom of the hill for the last time, I walked into white light.

Now I was in a shopping mall at night, putting on an interpretive dance performance. The mall was covered in a faint purple glow. At some point in the dance, I had a flashback.

In the flashback, there was a large green hill above a small town. At the top of the hill was a giant oak tree. Under the tree, I saw hundreds of bubbles, every bubble containing a moment in someone's life. In one particular bubble, I saw a young girl asleep at her schooldesk. Underneath all the bubbles is a field of roses covered in thick thorns. I had the knowledge that the girl could either return to her life at her desk and wake up, or remain asleep and pop the bubble, falling into the endless field of thorns.

Then I was in a bustling street, and it was the middle of summer. At an intersection in the street a famous band was performing, and thousands of people were packed tightly around them to watch. I was with a friend and wearing a shirt that had a quote from one of the band members on it. The person in front of me turned around, revealing to be the member of the band that said the quote. He saw my shirt and laughed. After the show was over, everyone dispersed into the city. I was walking along a row of shops with my friend and realised I was wearing shorts, even though I hate wearing shorts in public. We went into a clothes shop and I asked my friend to buy me a pair of pants as I went to hide in a changing room. At the back of the shop where the change rooms are, I saw a row of stalls and 2 bathrooms, each with very specific signs above them. The signs had strange requirements like "for very smart women" or "for hat people". I decided to go into a few of them to see what could set them apart. In each of the stalls, every surface had a fullbody funhouse-like mirror that reflected different versions of myself depending on the sign outside. I saw myself with long blonde hair and a purple dress.
There weren't any bathrooms or stalls labeled explicitly for men, so I went into the bathroom labeled "for very smart women". Inside, instead of mirrors there were screens. As I sat down on the lid of the toilet the screens lit up and started to tell me facts about myself. My star sign, my favourite foods, how likely I am to do certain things than other people in my lifetime. When I stood up, the tiles under my feet lit up. The screen told me my height and weight: 4 grams. When I left the bathroom my friend gave me a pair of pink leggings, and we left without paying.

And then I woke up.

The night before last, I visited an alien planet. There were no plants and no breathable atmosphere. The ground was covered in gray sand (which had the appearance of ash).

There was no life outside, but civilization existed within an indoor city. Because indoor space was limited, the city was very compact with buildings being closed together and no roads for wide vehicles.

It resembled a shopping mall, but with more businesses and residential buildings all packed together.

Because this planet wasn't naturally habitable, it had no native life. The economy was sustained mostly through tourism.

I explored the city for a bit, then turned into my dragon to explore outside in the uninhabitable parts. Eventually woke up in the morning.

The following night (last night), I came back to this planet and applied for the local college. I’m not sure what I'll be studying yet, but I took a bus to the campus and enrolled, so I'm a student now!

The admissions office directed me to a grassy indoor field, which had a large spiraling staircase smack-dab in the center of it. The staircase looked like it was once heavily polished and adorned with artwork, but it was now an archaic relic that had been restored.

This was where I would be taking a test. The admissions office told me to climb the stairs as high as I could to test my eligibility for classes. Weird, but alright. I followed the instructions and started going up the stairs. At first, it was just stairs, nothing peculiar. Maybe the test was at the top, I figured.

Then, as I got higher, creatures started emerging from nooks and crannies. They attacked me.
There were spiders, rats, bats, bugs, and other critters I had to fend off. It was mostly just an annoyance and I jogged my way through them.
As I went up further, more creatures came at me. Bigger ones. Tigers, wolves, alligators. This was more challenging, but I got through them, too.
Then I encountered human soldiers with military grade weapons. They attacked me on sight and I had to use my dragon to shield myself and get past.

I began to realize this was the test. Every student who climbed this stairway would face these increasingly difficult challenges.
For a while after passing the soldier level, I wondered what the next one would be... and I walked with more caution, looking around every corner.

The next trial wouldn't be around any corners, though. Instead, it was in my head. I heard a voice.
The higher I went, the louder and clearer the voice became. It cackled and taunted me demonically, threatening me with the trials ahead. It told me that it knew my greatest fears, and that's what I would soon face.
Knowing this is a dream, I don't doubt it. I seriously thought about going back, but decided that the voice in my head wasn't a deal breaker.
I continued up the stairway, ignoring it.

Eventually, the voice faded as I ascended beyond it.

But it was true that much worse things were higher up. The creatures that came for me next were supernatural. Zombies, ghosts, demons, and hallucinations of blood and other horror that personally disturbs me. However, I had already mentally prepared for it thanks to the warnings. I was determined to keep going and ascended past the supernatural scares. 


After getting past all of that, I stopped and looked up to try and see the top of the staircase.
There was no visible end. It seemed to go on infinitely, actually.
The stairs disappeared into gray fog in the sky.

I saw a glimpse of the stairway reaching into space and past the boundary of the universe.
This terrified me more than any other horror, so I stopped and jumped down from the stairway, declaring that I was done with the test. That's as far as I went!