All DJ Entries

1. Playing D&D, which transitions from a traditional fantasy universe to a Western, and then into a LARP Western. I walk into a bar, where I meet a girl named Alice Smith, who's crying over some form that requires the sheriff's signature. I take up her case, and as I converse with her I read through a book of frontier law (failed RC). I eventually go get the sheriff's signature, but as I'm coming back to give her the form, I see a wanted poster for Alice as a Canadian spy. Disgusted, I leave, and meet up with the rest of my party in a nearby arcade. I notice a bunch of college friends at a restaurant table close to the arcade, but I don't go to meet them.

2. I come across two very attractive women on the porch swing at the front of my old house. They are disdainful of me, but after a bit James Bond falls from the roof onto the porch in front of them, completely naked. They start cooing over his manliness, and this is so ridiculous I sort of wake up. I almost manage a semi-lucidity and insert myself into James Bond's body, but this is more of vivid daydream level of reality instead of true lucid sensation. I can't honestly count it as lucid, especially with poor recall as to subsequent events.

In case you're wondering why I'm able to post these so fast, I've already been keeping track of freaky dreams on microsoft word. So all I have to do is copy paste. Simple right?

I am a child, probably about six again. I am outside in a blizzard making a snowman with my older brother Erik. It is snowing so hard I can’t see anything around me except whiteness. We are laughing and giggling. Just as I plop the carrot on the snowman’s face, I hear a giant bell gong. “That’s daddy!” I say to Erik. We run off into the whiteness, giggling.
Soon we arrive at our house. It is a little ranch style house on the banks of lake Superior. There are no other houses around, it is complete emptiness save the lake, which is so large it looks like an ocean. If you peer across the lake enough, you can make out the little town across from us in Canada. (This is impossible to do in real life.) The snow lets up a bit, and my brother and I stand at the lakes edge and look into the flickering golden lights. Then, the bell rings again. We run to our house and open the front door, which leads directly into a staircase. We climb the stairs, and soon we are on the roof. On top of the roof are hundreds of reindeer, along with our dad, who is herding them. “There you are, kids!” he says. “I need you to check on the nodes in sector 41.” He herds the reindeers using loud “hyah’s”. We salute him in unison and jump down off the roof, which has suddenly become two feet high. We land in a trench, and walk until we are underneath the reindeer. They are standing on top of a metal grate above our heads. I look around until I find what I am looking for: a bunch of electrical wires mixed together in a cow feeding trench against a wall that has just appeared where we came in. We run to the trench and start pulling the wires apart and attatching them to different wires. Our dad calls to us from above our heads. “Hurry up guys, these reindeer need electricity!” We giggle and snap the wires together, which turns on a row of lights on the top of the cow feeder. I high five my brother and we run outside.
We run to the edge of the lake and look out across it. The waves are rough and crashing on the shore. And there is something floating in the distance way over in Canada….I jump in the lake and swim out to see what it is. As I get closer and closer, I can see it is a large mass of red floating across the water. As I look left and right, I can see it stretches out as far as I can see both ways. Suddenly, the red mass is upon me. I scream. It is thousands upon thousands of dead floating penguins in bloody water. I cover my eyes with my hands and bawl as I float along with this bloody mass.
Soon I reach a bridge. The waves are strong like rapids under the bridge. As I float under it crying the penguins splash against the sides of the water. I wash up on shore, and fall asleep on the snowy beach, covered in penguin blood and guts.

Those poor penguins..... I think this one was a fever dream. Pretty sure.

1. The family is visiting me at my research station. My brother says he needs to talk, and he tells me that his friend A is growing more distant with him after breaking up with K. The dream fast-forwards to the next day, where we all go out to eat at McDonald's. The brother orders poutine (suggesting we're in Canada?) and we talk about how relationships seem to chain down from one person to another. The parents eat calmly downstairs.
When he and I go back down, a waitress (with a nametag reading Skilscience, so a failed RC) is talking in a Norwegian accent to my dad. It seems that he's been rude, and she's trying to instruct him in manners. He ignores her while asking for more gravy, and she snaps. She jumps up on a nearby table and starts shouting everything wrong with McDonald's. The cheese is fake, the beef is tainted, employees spit in the food, etc. Soon the rest of the employees join her, shouting "Down with Wal-Mart! Down with McDonald's!" The family leaves in a huff, and the dream fades out over Anti-Flag style punk music.

2. I'm a bassist in a successful rock band with a large crew of student roadies (all of whom I recognize as fellow students IRL). We're recording a new album, and in the studio other members of the band are listening to Led Zeppelin for inspiration. We start to record, but the drums just aren't working properly. We waste hours of precious studio time, and I drive away from the studio frustrated.

3. Movie-style voiceover shows an epic tale in the Star Wars universe. Two Jedi, dueling hardcore, got frozen in a block of ice; their bodies rotted, but the lightsabers still burn today. I lead a team of explorers to find them, but as we retrieve the blades one of them somehow cuts through the other. This releases a huge fireball of energy, and my crew races to escape while being pursued by ninja stormtroopers.

1. I'm reading (Failed RC) an advertisement for some sort of new pen and paper RPG. The class system is based around kitchen tools, with knives, can openers, nutcrackers, and even rolling pins getting mentions. Each of them has a fanciful history based on a real-world group; I think the nutcrackers are Russian mobsters?

2. I'm traveling in Canada with some friends and take a lunch break. I get very angry, as the only available shops are two Burger Kings on either side of the street, and both of them are selling a mixture of disgusting seafood instead of burgers.

3. I'm with my family on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. We buy several things, including a ceramic piggy bank, a cute figurine, and a diabetes tester for dogs. All failed RCs, of course.

The dream begins in an animated style, borrowing from the Arthur cartoons on PBS. Arthur has just moved to a new city and joined a swim team, but he just lost his swim shoes in the water filtration system. A maintenance man digs for them in the machinery, but he just can't find them. Arthur runs from the swim club in anger, exclaiming that "It's only been four days!" since he moved into the town.

As he leaves, the dream switches into live action and first-person, and I view a large and bustling cityscape. Streetcars full of people pass by; along their tops are emblazoned the names of famous authors (Marcel Proust, for example) and my friends (text, so YET ANOTHER failed RC). I excitedly hit the streets and head to a nearby cafe. When I stand in line, however, I realize that all the signs are in a foreign script and all the patrons speaking a foreign tongue. Unnerved, I head back onto the street, and in a daze wander to a market. A smog descends on the dream, and I recall exotic (but pleasant) smells from the stalls and headscarf-clad shoppers.

Luckily, I find my mom also in the market. She clarifies that I'm in the country of Turkey and reunites me with my brother and dad. She also seems to have an excellent grasp of Islamic law, for as we're about to enter a shop where we can see women, she holds us back and goes in first to make sure it's alright. She encourages the family to "act Canadian" and respect their customs (a behavior not at all like real life).