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30-03-22

1) WBTB As I float off to sleep I try to create a dialogue to myself, a bit of self hypnotism and a bit of describing where I am.

Now I am writing it all down next to my bed, this story I telling or possibly the dream I just had? As I try to read it back I realise it is not really here, it keeps changing, changing what I wrote. I sleeping already, but not fully asleep enough. So I continue writing.

After a while I have written myself into this dream, I am in my house helping Fabi looking for something in a large wardrobe. There is a big secret we are trying to hide from the police. I've had enough, so I decide to leave the house. Fabi is calling after me - but it's my dream, my story so I continue out of the house. I need to look for V
As I open the front door it's just a void outside, avoid and awakening is my guess. Fuck, I've written myself out and into a dead end.

SO I continue narrating: I have to go to a train station, to travel into the city for important business. Now the dream forms around me and I am just outside a quant train station in the countryside. It's sunny, the train station is made of a beige colored stone and I appear to be in a kind of garden area for it. (this is interesting because I thought I would end up in the city) Dream is still washy though, not strong enough to leave and search for V yet. SO I look around, stare at the flowers and the courtyard area around me. It's starting to solidify a bit. A dream character tells me to smell the flowers - great idea! I go to each flower and take a strong sniff, beautiful scents enter my nose. The first is like a rose, the second is more of an exotic type flower. I do a few flowers, each has it's own particular scent. (I'm impressed at how well I can smell in a dream!) then I smell the last flower, and it stings my nose a little because it has a kind of gingery peppery type of scent (I mention this to the DC) and then try to get another flower and grab at it's stem, but I get a bunch of small thorns stuck into my palm so I pul back my hand immediatley

'ouch!' I say. Then I look at my hand more closely - wow - I just felt pain! I'm impressed again! But... just as I am about to search for V I awake. grrrr

AWAKE: Now there is only 30 minutes before getting up, so I figure try to continue focus, meditate, self hynotise and observe V from this vantage point. SO I spend 10 - 15 minutes feeling myself go deeper and deeper and when I feel like I am relaxed enough I instruct myself to see a screen in front of me - a blank tv like screen, and that screen is broadcasting a direct image from 'V's mind. I use a kind of tuner to get a signal (searching) and then I start seeing images. Now I feel I am inside the mind, I am drifting through images left and right, swiping left and right to look for anything interesting or relevant. I see people's faces, woman, men, older and younger. I see objects I can't quite understand what they are and objects that are simple everyday things. I see some furniture in a house, and UI grab it and pull toward me to inspect it and this causes more things to appear. I see a man outside with a spotlight on him like a UFO - hmm - interested in UFO's? I put aside as a maybe. (each time I feel like I am associating and putting my own thoughts in I put aside, I am only interested in what is in her head) some more images, a large guy, tall and quite big, I overlay Keven from the Office (series) onto his face because he reminds me of him. (ack, doing it again, stay out!) I see another UFO, this time it's flynig through the sky... interesting. I then see V, she's behind an old wooden framed 4 panel window. Looks like it belongs in a garden out house. she looks .. trapped? There are paints around the window, a bunch of paint brushes I think. She looks at me and simply says 'this sucks' I cna't quite recall if the brushes are outside or inside with her. But as she says this I am pulled out a little, because it's a delicate balance, and not reacting I would simply forget, but reacting too much I pull myself out of the scene and now she is gone

Dream From Mar 29 '22:
Am in a room, a bedroom, at someone's house.
Am standing in the room, the door is to my right, a bit behind me.
I do pace around a little bit.
In front of me, is a double bed, with a wooden frame, and some blankets.
The blankets, the frame, and the pillow are all brown.
Lying in the bed, is former US President John F Kennedy.
He is lying on his back, reclined a up a little bit, with an upside down v shaped pillow.
He is sleeping, or trying to, though not restless.
Although he doesn't look old, he does look as though he may be about to breathe his last breath sometime soon.
He looks content.
Not sure he knows he is about to die.
So, i ask him what he reckons, and, i don't give him a topic.
He reckons, he wants his heart to fall asleep.
So i pace a bit more, and then look at him.
I see him, still lying on his back, a little to his left.
He is lying rather close to his right side edge of the bed.
So, i check his pulse, with my right palm, on the right side of his neck.
There is no pulse, but that's ok, probably expected.
So, i leave the room, and then enter a kitchen, which is behind his room.
To my left, are three people, who are standing close together, front to back, not shoulder to shoulder.
All three could be men, or one of them, is a woman.
They are looking at something to their right, which i don't turn, to see.
The man closest to me, is James Norton; he is wearing a grey short sleeved tee.
Not wanting to disturb them too much, or not wanting to upset them, i ask them to check the pulse of the former President.
So i follow them into the room.
The former president is still lying close to the edge of the bed.
Im pretty sure one of the three is a woman, but i don't know who she is.
So the other man, stands behind Mr Kennedy, and crouches down next to him.
He puts his hand to Kennedy's neck, to check his pulse.
The man says something "he's gone" to confirm that Kennedy has indeed died.
Well, no one is surprised that Kennedy has died.
His death must have been expected.
Then the dream ends.

Any questions or comments?

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Feels like a post apocalyptic future. I am at a small village and we're attacked by people from another town. Everyone is slaughtered, except me. I manage to escape and hide in a creek. I get rescued by a couple people who tell me to come with them to the next city or the attackers will eventually find me, as they are coming this way. I accept the help. They take me to their home and then ask me to stay hidden. Someone knocks on their door and it's the bad guys. So this town is where they actually come from. They suspect some villagers might have come here looking for refuge and they are goingdoor to door asking their citizens to cooperate denouncing any case they are aware off. But my new friends are good people and actually rescue refugees. They tell me their plan to integrate me in their community without being noticed, but it will be a slow and risky process.

I'm visiting Puerto Rico with Manei. We have traveled there by way of a chrome propeller plane, it looked like a world war 2 bomber. The San Juan area also looked notably more compact and less developed than I ever remember it being. The largest roads in the city are two lane asphalt and there is almost a complete lack of high rises with most buildings still looking fairly traditional. The airport was a single runway and a couple of hangars, no proper terminal.

She seemed to have handled most of the travel arrangements. She has us in a teal and red vintage car (all of the cars looked vintage to be honest). We drive for awhile and experience some pretty ragged time dilation. But at some point while driving she asks for the map and I bring it up on my phone. Barring the tech level and general tone of the dream my "phone" is an obelisk of pure glass able to project advanced holograms, and near instantly load our navigation with voice commands. It projects a hologram onto the windshield that helps us navigate. But when we get close to the house she tells me to put it away and not let anyone see it, as other people cant know we have advanced technology.

The dream properly begins when we arrive at an orange stucco building with white slatted windows built along the beach. It is nighttime now but I can still see the building clearly as there is a streetlight built into a palm tree that illuminates the dream. The building is built into a hillside and we enter through like a utility door which takes us through a basement like space. There is a storeroom full of lumber, metal, bags of cement, piping, and boxes and boxes of raw materials, fittings and other construction materials. This then transitions into a robust workshop with several benches, shelves upon shelves of tools and some larger machining equipment like drill presses. Everything has a heavily worn appearance to it; well loved and well used. We then pass through into a large utility room with a generator, water heaters, electrical boxes, and a big gear shaped door. It looks like a fallout vault. Eventually we go up a fire escape into a laundry room.

Manei then meets an older woman with graying hair who upon seeing her runs up and hugs her. They have a long dialogue which was in really minced-up rapidfire spanish that I can't recreate having not studied the language since high school. All I remember was that Manei referenced the woman as her "Abuela" in one instance and then her great aunt. I think Abuela was actually supposed to be her name. But at the same time the general gyst of the conversation was "Translated"

Abuela: "Manei! Welcome back!"

Manei: "High great aunt Abuela"

Abuela: "Jesus maria jose you've gotten tall... look at you."

Manei: "Can we stay here for free or do we have to pay to use the resort?"

Abuela: "You and your friend are always welcome here. Provided you eat my brown rice and shrimp."

Manei: "That sounds delicious, maybe tomorrow night. Can we use Marcus here."

Abuela: "Bah, I dont care. Just don't let the other guests see you. They're all sleeping right now."

I took Marcus out from a leather briefcase. He's been a little metal robot ball for years now. When I turn him on he seems pretty unhappy about the smell of the clothes in the suitcase. Abuela offers to do our laundry for free. She takes a lot of pride in doing laundry and actually enjoys it. I take the crystal smartphone too. Manei and I head down to the beach and the immersion in the dream is really cranked to 11. The sound of the waves, the warmth of the breeze and the hiss it makes as it passes through the palms, the moonlight reflecting on the ocean. Its all so detailed and realistic. I goof around with the dream for a few moments, picking up a large seashell and running my fingers through the sand. I feel the ocean water and wiggle my toes in the sand. I just become so enamored in the detail of the dream and thinking about how weird it is that its all a construct of the mind.

"Theres more interesting things here than sand and saltwater." Manei said, squeezing my shoulder. We sat down and looked at the milky way.

This was where the discussion happened.

"I just want to meditate, none of this tomfoolery."

She seemed disappointed. This was there the dream transitioned. I was still very much asleep but everything seemed to melt away. The clarity very quickly degraded. I was still very much asleep, but any visual of the dream was gone and the audio was more of a mishmash of inner voices. I could sense Manei was disappointed. She wanted to do something fun.

Me: "Theres no sense in goofing around anymore. Our meetings are so few, so far between and so fleeting. Regardless of whether I practice or not the results seem the same. It's been over a decade now since I started this journey. Im going to get old by the time we make real progress. I want to get to know you but when its only for a few moments here and there... seemingly only often enough to just tease and tantalize me with another reality. One so immensely better than the one I spend so much time inhabiting. Its maddening, I would have preferred to never know this peace at all rather than see it only to have it so consistently ripped away."

Marcus: "So you would rather spend what little dream you have lamenting this fact rather than enjoying it? Illogical."

Manei: "Then tell me what would be enough for you? To become lucid every night? To spend hours here. You would always greedily desire more. You run the risk of becoming lost, losing sight of the reality you truly inhabit. This is merely a vision, perhaps what you might experience in your afterlife. Your next life. However you want to view it."

Marcus' tone was cold and robotic. Manei started out with a stern anger but relapsed into understanding.

Me: "So you mean to tell me this is out of my control? Even my own mind is not mine to command. There is no architecture or technique with which to circumvent this limitation, and I am so assured in that fact that I am now telling it to myself. It is so ingrained into my mind that I will never be able to convince myself otherwise."

Marcus: "Would you prefer to wind up like me? A mind that has done away with emotion. Something approximating regret still plagues me for doing so."

Manei: "I'm sorry to say this but your discipline lacks in that regard. I cant trust that you wouldn't neglect the waking world."

Me: "I'm going to neglect the waking world either way. I've told you many stories of how cruel the people of wakingworld are. Wars, greed, disease-"

Manei: "And yet you come here so often bringing violence."

Me: "True. A Majority of my tenure in these dreams has been as an agent of violence. Regrettably so. I must confess I have developed a disdain for many of my human vices. The marching of time on my body, emotions and feelings that surge through me uncontrollably, and my insatiable desire to desire some things that I will never have. Through those countless acts of violence I have expressed my frustration with this worlds' many predicaments."

Manei: "But those feelings and experiences are part of the human experience."

Me: "You say that like the human experience is good because it is the default. Nobody said being a soul trapped in a prison of flesh and bone was some fundamentally amazing thing."

Manei: "But I'm a human. And I choose to enjoy living, every moment of it. Even the difficult parts."

Me: "But are you? Many times you have proven yourself supernatural... your physical avatar within the dreamworld. Do I count you as human as some component of me? Do I count you as human because you as you claimed were once a girl who lived in California, in some parallel earth. A parallel earth that seemed more free from the vices and failings of the one I inhabit, but still one in which you passed from terrible degenerative disease scarcely after reaching adulthood? Are you an avatar of God? Are you an angel? I can never know because there are so many lies and illusions and my experience of this universe so linear and fleeting."

Manei: "I can't make you believe anything either way. It's kind of complicated."

Me: "I'm not a fan of "its complicated" as a way of dodging the question."

Manei was visibly annoyed. I can see why she doesn't like putting up with me. "You see your reality is how you view it. If you think I am a real spiritual entity then thats what I am. if you think Im just a part of your brain, then thats what I am."

Marcus: "I can make him believe. From the wheel to the spinning wheel to the printing press. To the mushroom bomb, the figure-eight DNA and the three-two-two hyperdrive; humanity will march on. But we will always search for purpose and answers. You are but one speck in that. You have lived after four of the six milestones were met. If you live long enough to see the fifth then you will live long enough to see the sixth because you will be able to live forever then. Each of these milestones is not just the humans technology but alters their perspective on the universe. Then come the time of great questioning, when we go to the center of the galaxy and do the final test, and ask what the point of it all is and get all the answers from god or the universe or whatever you want to call it. So if you see the matrix be made and the events play out come contact me and tell me that you believe, because it is coming. if it does not get made soon your timeline is doomed and it doesn't matter anyways."

Manei: "Are you only a cynic because of what you think other people believe and think they will judge you? There are so many people on your earth believing in undercooked religions that are all only half-right. A real sign of your maturity, that one. At least you take my lessons to heart and ask questions even if they are sometimes annoying ones that I dont want to hear."

I lost the dream at this point either had a nighttime awakening, NREM or just forgot the rest of the conversation.