Recent DJ Posts

2022 June 30th

Very disjointed. Left recall too late. Would like to make some proper side notes for this one too at some point.

Dream (DFLN):

I'm in a car in a town with mom. She's driving me around in a large and modern Nissan, trying to get me to a local airport I think. There are roadworks just about every way she thinks of taking. I try to suggest some routes she can take but she doesn't seem to want to listen to them and possibly mentions something about the fact that she's driven here for X many years and so on.

(recall gap)

I'm at some kind of palatial building, here for a fancy party or ball. I'm in what is my guest room at one point. I'm a woman, except for my private areas. Someone I met just earlier (forget who) left me a dress here in the room and I think about putting it on. It's a very simple dress and is a cream colour, slightly darker than my skin tone. I have wavy hair, possibly fake blonde. Putting the dress on in bed, I think about how a dress will still be revealing of male private parts. I feel uncomfortable with this but don't see what I can do about it and reason to myself that people generally don't look to that sort of area and that I can to do things like sit down and such to possibly not make it as noticeable.

A bit later I'm at a dinner at a long table. The fancy palatial theme remains. This theme seems to feature primarily white, cream/pink and gold as colours. Somewhat plain while still being lavish.

(recall gap)

I'm still a woman. I'm with Hilary. (from DV, i.e., here!)

We're talking about dreams and artwork. I am supposed to have made three artwork commissions for her but I haven't made them yet and feel guilty. We're somewhere outside and it's night time. It's grassy and open, I'm not sure there's anything taller in the horizon that I can see.

In the sky I see the three commission ideas fading in and out as stars. The first one is a crescent moon, the second a side portrait of a woman with hair tied back, and finally something else which I've lost recall of. Hilary doesn't seem upset with me for not having finished these commissions yet, but I still feel disappointed with myself.

We talk a bit more and then she takes me to some physical threshold, maybe a door. I think she wants me to come with her to a dream?

(recall gap)

I'm my usual self again and at a bulk buy super market. Possibly a Makro (which I don't think I've ever been to). I am unfamiliar with the layout but I look around for things with confidence.

I find some frozen chips and think about the price. I see they cost 2.1 for 2.5 and I reason that at 1.5 for 1.5 normally, this is slightly better and I grab a bag. Then, I wander the shop trying to think what else I want and as I feel like I actually didn't want much more, the shop also gets noticeably smaller and is more like a convenience store now.

I look around again and see some socks, making me think that H might like some but I don't know the size and I don't want any for myself because they look too loose. I see a basement stairs bit and there's a bunch of plushies in a large metal cage basket thing next to the stairs. I think about getting some. They feel fluffy. They cost 60 each though and I think to myself that I really can't afford to pay this for a plushie and feel a little sad. At this point I also start to feel self-conscious and don't check out downstairs, which seemed to have Lego and more toys. So I leave to go the tills. At some point a fat man near me is coughing and I think I comment that I just had COVID and don't really want to get it again so soon.

(recall gap)

I'm in a rural area. It's late afternoon. I'm with two men, dream characters I think. They are messing around a bit and one has a mini bike thing (7D2D intrusion?). I am on a field side of a wooden fence and they're on the road. As I walk along, I come to a tan coloured cow. She's on the floor and at first I think she's asleep, but then I see the side of her muzzle and see it looks to be rotting, with a hole about the size of a gold ball and with some tendons showing through or something. Difficult to describe. I feel somewhat unsettled and I'm also worried for the farmer now. But I think we should get out of here before we get mistaken for having done something to the cow.

We go up a small hill road and we come to a building with a store or something. Then there are four of us and we decide something about super powers. Then inside a building it's a bit like a factory or foundry.

(rest of recall was too vague)

2022 June 27th

Some bracketed in-line notes. I need to return to this dream and make some fuller notes when I feel able to, hopefully soon.

Fragment:

Something about a (dream) country relating to the Iberian peninsula. This small country is located just over the north east of the USA at where a tip of Canada would be and seems to be in-between these two countries. I see some statistic or just know that there are less than 1.5 million inhabitants. (Oddly enough, on one of the weeks after this dream, I was looking at this general region with satellite views, based on some conversations I was having with LF)

(recall gap?)

Then I'm in my native country but I'm a character that's not me exactly. I need to get to the embassy on one side of a plaza, something about a passport? It's night time and there's a large government building on one side of the plaza with a few prominent uplighting spots. Neo-classical or classical-revivalist architecture. There are police officers in the area, probably due to this building. I think one of them comes over to me when I wander more to the middle near the government-y building. The officer turns out to be a woman and I ask where the embassy is. She tries to help me but after a while of her taking me through some streets and construction sites I start to wonder if my interests are at heart.

At one point I notice some workers at a construction site giving me/us a funny look or something? Some part of me thinks that it's odd that there's construction work going on at night.

(recall gap)

Then I'm at a fancy house place. Lots of detailed cornicing and mirrors on the walls and ceilings which have some kind of abstract Greek themed theatrical show going on, it looks like it's projected but I don't see any projector and may assume that the surface is able to display something like a screen would, despite its curved contours. There's a largely classical theme. The walls and cornicing are all white and it's fairly bright in here, though there's something of a mood light thing going on, mostly cool tones.

I'm here with my cousin T and H. T's wearing some kind of cream or pink silk pyjamas and I rest my head on her crotch and I close my eyes and she pets and strokes my head. I think about how it'd be inappropriate if I became aroused and I also think about how I might not be able to help it. I hold on to or hug her leg. (Similarities to having been awake and holding H, possibly partly awake as this dream segment was happening)

Then we show her to her bed, in size it's somewhere between a single and a double and she gets upset notably upset about this. I think the room is dark/we didn't switch the lights on?



Notes:
- I'm not sure what would have been the source for the first segment in this fragment, but I can recall some years ago I had a discussion with a friend (K) on the subject of countries with lower populations.

- I feel that for some weeks now I've been having dreams that are on parallel to schemas like that of the second segment here. Dreams in which I'm not strictly speaking my normal "self" as a character and in which I have all the same type of agency, decisions and worries as I normally would. Sort of related, today (16th of July) I wrote a bit on another journal about the somewhat lengthy absence of any other inner voices or personalities and a general absence of visual imagination among other things.
-- In reality I'm not sure how frequently I've been having these dreams (of "not myself" exactly) because I haven't thought of a tag or way of categorising them, and right now I'm thinking that I should go back through my DJ a bit at some point and find out how many instances there really are and how far back do they go; it's possible that at the moment I'm just paying more attention to this particular type of schema.

- As hinted towards, I have recently had some worries/thoughts about passport renewal and sort of by extension also about travelling. Specifically, to my old home.

- T's presence in this dream follows common patterns that the rest of her appearances in have in my dreams, but I can't remember any time specifically in which she got as upset as in this dream, about the bed. As I recall, I understood in the dream that she was upset that the bed wasn't big enough. Even in the dream, the way she stroked my head reminded me of what it was like to be a child.
-- I think segments like this one in dreams call me to create a different journal with a different complexity from what I've been doing. This type of DJ simply cannot fit into it the type of analysis that some of these dreams practically seem to be demanding of me.

I am training a new employee and something seems odd about her behavior. I suspect she might be stealing, but when I call my friend in security, I say that "I don't think she's a real employee." She hears me and scuttles off in a strange manner before Security can get there. I find myself in the office as a manager berates me for causing all sorts of headaches because they had to check the new employee's social security number to verify her identity. There is construction work in the office and there's banging noises coming from pipes running overhead, which sounds rather spooky. I'm sent home but instead go to my sister's house, where it is Halloween and I can pass out candy. I try to go upstairs from the lower level of the house, but the stairs hit a dead end at the front door and there's barely an inch or two to squeeze past the door to continue up the next set of stairs. I wonder why we didn't notice that when my sister and I were looking at houses before purchasing this one.

I walk outside and find myself at the beach, and there's someone drowning! One of the guys with me jumps in and tries to save them, but instead he comes out of the water with a backpack. He says that it has an important clue and we need to keep it safe. The backpack ends up with me, but then I notice I am being circled by a group of thugs. I run into a nearby building and think I can hand off the backpack to someone else to confuse the thugs. Somehow, the backpack ends up on the floor as I leave one room, and when I return, it has vanished. A girl finds me and says, "Forget about all that! You need to listen to this EVP I recorded." She brings me to another room where Tom Holland(!) is sitting in his Spiderman costume. The girl plays the EVP for us; there's a disembodied voice calling Margot. I find it creepy and tell Tom that I'm worried about the ghost calling my name. (Note: my name is not Margot!) Tom gives me a pair of socks for "protection." I pull one over my ear, realize how ridiculous this all seems, and conclude that I'm dreaming. I become aware of my body in bed and the dream fades.