• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. cccxxi. Minefield, Special Lego piece

      by , 08-30-2021 at 10:55 AM
      24th August 2021

      Fragment:

      At a place outside. It's sunny, looks a bit like my native country. Sort of dry grass and possibly some forest in the distance. I'm at or near some old concrete slabs, partially covered by dirt, sand and grass. There's a very tidy and organised minefield in a certain direction, that I'm aware of. It follows a square grid pattern. Other people are nearby but I forget who.

      Fragment:

      A bit like our home here. Some kind of mechanism and wooden surfaces that move on a single axis. They have metal sockets and plugs that allow them to interconnect vertically. Then outside, at the back. I hold a thin piece of 2x2 Lego plate towards H, who's in our yard just over the wall. There's some kind of visible electromagnetic flow between the Lego piece and something H is holding. Now the Lego displays an amperage reading on its top face, and I show H while also making some comment about it.

      Then I remain on the bit outside of our back yard. This area is different from how it should be, it feels more open and more natural. I forget what I'm doing but I know that H is putting up an old silver-coloured plastic TV at the back, it has something to do with conclusions we drew on before because of the EM flow. Some neighbour from the house right next to ours (but not actually), the one on the left if I'm looking from the back, he talks to us and says something about a party game and wishing there were players, or something? We invite them to play, I think. Then I'm like in some kind of Sims game (the party game) but the scale of the property grid is reduced and simplified.

      I wake up around this point, after I've built some simple house walls in the game.



      25th August 2021


      Initial recall was good but I didn't bother with making initial notes.

      Scraps:


      Something about a school or university, and learning.
    2. cccxvi. Arguing couple and changed area, Station reclaim

      by , 08-23-2021 at 03:29 PM
      8th August 2021

      Fragment:

      At one point I'm in the bedroom with H. It's morning but the light is wrong. The sun is towards the end of the street. We keep hearing noises outside interrupting our sleep and we check out the window a few times. At some point through this we hear a woman and man, struggling or fighting, we think. H looks out the window and asks her if she's OK and if she needs help. She says it's fine, but I think the man is upset still. They look fairly local I think. Then a taxi thing comes by and picks both of them up? It all happens somewhat fast.

      Later, we're in the car. We go around the roundabout in front of where the civic centre is supposed to be. We remark on how it was all changed, with this newer and bigger roundabout that has a glass dome building and gardens and so on in the middle of it. I comment "but still, there are no seats? what's wrong with people? first they don't like being outside, then they need to be outside but aren't allowed and then they are allowed and there's no incentive".

      Fragment:

      Something on a space station. Me and H are reclaiming it or something and we need to get something, I don't know what, some modules maybe. I remember seeing the station from the outside, in a sort of 2.5D view and it has glass on the side, or is shown as a bisection, like in some 2D and 2.5D games.



      Notes:


      - The arguing couple may partially be residue of one of the couples in our street, who are frequently getting into domestic arguments, and the man has been arrested on occasion.

      - The angle of the sun would have suggested mid/late afternoon, but the colour and so on indicated morning.

      - My thoughts on the roundabout mirror some of my waking/conscious thoughts on that sort of topic. In the dream, the area inside the roundabout was much larger than in reality and partially under construction. Come to think of it, the way we were going around it was reverse to what it should have been.

      - The space station is probably some Starbound residue.
    3. cccxv. Airport troubles and explosion disaster

      by , 08-05-2021 at 07:06 PM
      5th August 2021

      Fragment:


      (mostly the second half of a dream)

      I'm arriving at an airport, supposedly in L. I'm with H. We walk in through a tunnel I think, like from a subway. We're approaching a check-in queue area. It's packed and it doesn't seem to be moving at all. There's a covid context but with relaxed rules, making me feel generally apprehensive.

      This is on one of those upper tiers, though this dream location doesn't quite relate to any specific bit from waking life. There's sunlight at an angle, brightness and colour that makes it feel as implied early morning, just after sunrise. Seems like it would be hot but in the dream I have no recall/sensation of temperature.

      Mom and dad are here at the queue. Mom is impatient and suggests to dad that he might use his airport credentials to hurry them through this. Dad doesn't want to, but he does start a conversation with the woman at the desk. She says that the airport suffered a virus attack a while ago and all the flight schedules are therefore inaccessible (among other problems?). Dad says something about how she could use pen and paper?

      I think to myself that they really should have an on-site IT crew to deal with this sort of thing and that they should restore a physical backup to the system.

      (gap and recall is fuzzy)

      A few things happen while waiting around. At some point H isn't with me anymore.

      Then I'm outside, it's night time now and I'm walking along some hangars, on a typical road that has a stone wall and forested area to the left. I feel I am going away from the airport. Three 1950s-ish cars, all black and kind of sportsy, go past. I make note of their headlights as they go past, with a pretty circular shape. The ground is wet? I end up walking through a residential area of sorts. It's more like overcast daytime now. After a short climb of cobble stairs or something, in a parking/loading area in front of a warehouse, I see three police officers and a police vehicle of some kind (a van?). They are fighting, two against on. Those two aren't real police officers, I feel, but I am not certain.

      They're restraining the third officer, a woman with black hair and pony tail. All their outfits are completely blue apart from a bit on the back with POLICE written in English, in white letters. Uncertain that I'm doing the right thing, I spot a serrated knife with a wooden handle (like one from our WL kitchen) and I pick it up and sneak up to the officer restraining the woman. I stab the restrainer in the back, with a lot of force to be sure I can get through the body vest.

      He falls over forwards and the woman gets away to the right, taking cover behind the police vehicle. The other fake policeman draws a gun and I hide/take cover behind the body. He shoots at me but hits the body a couple of times. On the ground is a Beretta, which I pick up. I wait for a moment and then come out of hiding from behind the body and shoot the fake police officer in the head, he looks surprised as he dies.

      The woman urges me to get in the car with her. I do and we drive a short distance back to the residential bit. We talk and I tell her about the dodgy cars I saw earlier. I tell her the drivers had white racing helmets and seemed to be up to no good. We drive over two oncoming cars on a descending ramp bit. It was accidental but it all seemed fine actually. In the car, I'm trying to find more ammo, because I think that I only have eight bullets left. She can't manage to tell me where more ammo might be, but I get the impression there is none.

      At a certain point we need to get out of the car. It's still wet, and raining now. There's a lot of water flowing through some cobbled part of the path and it looks like there's a bit that's in disrepair where the water is flowing into.

      Eventually I start running, toward the airport area I'd originally come from. I pass the hangars. I see SWAT police reinforcements ahead of me. I get to a more open area and there are implied signs of a massive explosion (but not really) under a huge commercial jet. Some music like "New York" plays but New is replaced with Zoo. I look for survivors and am told by someone (a narrator?) that these two people on a corner, a mother and daughter are the only survivors, supposedly because they were under a blanket together at the time of the explosion.

      The mother and daughter were implied to have been victims of incredibly horrible burns but when the blanket is removed they just look like those wooden mannequins artists use for reference, but they have stylised (and real somehow) eyes that move. The spherical and cubical wooden blocks that make up their bodies seem pristine.

      I realise something about barrels and explosive atmosphere mixture and how nobody should have used firearms. I fall to my knees crying (and wake up shortly after, with leftover emotion).

      Notes:

      - In the dream I did not realise how odd it was that the mother and daughter looked like wooden mannequins but still felt like real people. After waking and recalling the dream, I think about how this could have something to do with how trauma is processed, but I find myself unable to relate to this specific experience in that sense.
      -- This is one of several dreams recently where hard and pure geometric shapes have made an apperance. I am not certain why this is, though a week or two ago I returned to practising basic shape drawing, something I'd been lacking in and on the other hand, I recently read up on Platonic solids and something else related to that subject.

      - Essentially there were two viruses in the dream context, Covid, and the computer virus.
    4. cccxi. Guard of the medieval palace mall

      by , 07-30-2021 at 01:43 AM
      29th July 2021

      Didn't make any initial notes for this, just left the recall and ended up doing other things all day.

      Scraps:

      Some bit in a "mall", but it actually looks like a 1500-1800s palace of sorts, English or Germanic style. There is a large open courtyard area and something about a rebellion or conflict happens, I become the leader of a defence force for this "mall" and start giving orders to impromptu soldiers, who wear some sort of appropriate medieval soldier outfit, wearing flowing yellow tabards with a white trim. Some of the helms have plumes, blue?

      At some point after that, I climb up some place high but it also looks like the area outside H's village. There's some kind of pipe organ structure but it's half-natural or built into a natural area. I activate something, a mechanism of some sort.

      Then or before that, something about a car and being driven around, with H driving I think.

      (rest of recall has all faded)
    5. cccvii. False memory about power loss

      by , 07-25-2021 at 10:04 PM
      22nd July 2021

      Unsure if this actually took place on this day or some other one further back. I had initially casually mistaken these dream memories as actual waking memories.

      Scraps:

      Something about power being partly off in the house? I remember I use my computer but I don't really go online for anything at any point, so I don't notice any issues, it's only when H comes in and points something out that I understand that there even was an issue of any kind. I think it's an early time in the morning, but not sure what. (Possibly related to waking at 6:30ish the other day.)



      Notes:

      - One of the factors of having mistaken these as waking memories was the realism/general accuracy of the fragment, it was only on discussing the memory with H that it really did seem odd and not completely logical.
    6. cccv. Fighting our way down, Being asked to fix a reactor

      by , 07-21-2021 at 10:57 AM
      20th July 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm with H I think and someone else, a woman, maybe a lead character from something. At first we're "silently" killing Combine soldiers with desert eagles as we descend through a compound via some long and wide stairs, not unlike those in HFC instances although the setting looked sort of Half-Life-ish I suppose. (I say "silently" because the guns are actually stupidly loud but if we kill the soldiers with one shot or two very quickly, nobody else is alerted even if they are standing next to them)

      I'm constantly low on ammo as I can see on a Half-Life 1-like GUI. I feel the other two are picking up all the ammo and leaving none for me, probably not on purpose. Near the end of this segment, we screw up a silent kill because of the distance and gun inaccuracy, all of the enemies have now become alert and we have a kind of stand-off at a landing on the stairs, we have the higher position. We use smoke grenades to force them to come a bit closer to reduce ammo waste, especially since I'm so low on ammo. I recall I have an UZI that I swap to but see that it only has two bullets left and become annoyed, since my DE is about to run out too.

      Then for some reason, lots of food stuff is out next to us in the middle of all of this, tinned food mostly.

      Fragment:

      Near the end of this fragment. Something about a facility with a reactor in it, which has been running on edge. Earlier in this dream I was at this location but many years in the past, and this present is a time of post-destruction. Someone wants me to have a look at the reactor.

      (The area of this fragment reminds me of a deathmatch map from HL1 that I must have spent a considerable amount of time playing in with my siblings.)
    7. ccciv.

      by , 07-21-2021 at 10:36 AM
      17th July 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm in an office building of some kind, maybe a hospital. It's well lit but there are no windows and it's mostly corridors. I'm with someone I think and we get to this bit that's like a waiting area, with chairs. There are some people sat on the chairs. The walls are a neutral colour, maybe cream? There are two doors on the same wall, some distance apart and with some of the chairs in-between.

      I think we wait around for a bit but then the person I'm with is supposed to go in, so they do. I think there's a doctor but I get a feel of radio presenter too somehow.

      (recall gap)

      I have to leave and reach some elevators. I call a lift to go up. In the dream I don't find this odd but in the dream there was the feeling that I was somewhere high up already. The doors for the lift on the left open. The lift is there but sort of stuck at a lower level. I assume there's some kind of sensor malfunction and feel myself sort of sighing, slightly annoyed. I call it again with the button on the wall and it moves to the correct position.

      The lift is one of those more commercial ones, like ones I've seen in malls. I think I enter the lift and there's a transition. Then, I'm outside somewhere supposedly nearby the building I was in. I'm in contact with the person I was with before, not sure how. I then need to enter some sort of or small octagonal building or tent but it's guarded. Something about a remote controlled hand that would help me.

      (rest of recall had faded)



      19th July 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm on the bed with H. We're opposite each other and our positions are width ways relative to the bed. The bedroom light is on but I don't think it's night time. We're playing sexually and I feel myself go prematurely for some reason, possibly overstimulation. It seems I made a mess on the bed, at spots that don't make sense for the angles involved, but I don't realise this during the dream.

      Then I suddenly become aware of a black cat being to my right, around the middle of the bed. The cat looks relaxed and resting having only momentarily appeared surprised. It looks like the small female cat that we sometimes see in our street. (which I had seen the previous evening)
    8. ccci. Meeting at a church, Visiting an in-dream dream location, Living in a mall

      by , 07-11-2021 at 07:03 PM
      11th July 2021

      ~7:30
      Fragment:

      Transitioning from the TBC era to WLK era. T is there as his paladin at one point. There's something very Roman-esque about the setting? We need to complete some gold-payment quest to continue on into the city. There's a group of randoms with us, part of our party.

      Fragment:

      In a place like L, by the pier area I think. There's a lot of commotion because of an upcoming football match. It's dark-ish, twilight-like, orange and purple hues in the sky? I want to take the subway to go somewhere, but first I got into this church. Many people are leaving an on-going service in the church but many still remain.

      Aunt G enters the church, I notice her and approach, getting her attention. She eventually recognises me and I tell her we should go somewhere together (to make up for lost time?) because I realise this place is actually quite crowded. I don't entirely feel safe, I think. Someone, an older lady but not as old as my aunt, she's putting up cordons and tells us we can't go in a certain area of the church. She had white hair, maybe tied back.

      The church is artificially lit, quite a warm light which contrasts with the twilight. Originally I wanted to move towards one of the areas that was cordoned off. We end up leaving the church and heading down a nearby subway entrance.

      (recall gap)

      We are next to a guy who's a pipe maker. I tell my aunt how many churches just can't afford new pipes, even though they'd benefit from them. The pipe maker gives us a statistic; only about five-hundred thousand out of one and a half million can afford such things. I realise and remark that it's only a third. I also remark that the distribution is going to be geographically unfair or disproportionate, too.

      (after writing these two, I got up and had thoughts about WBTB as I got back in bed)


      ~10:00
      Fragment:

      Visiting a church with H. In the dream, I had a dream where I'd visited this church and it was sort of empty. So, when we're there together, I already know the layout. During the dream, this made me vaguely think of "vision quest" dreaming and that sort of thing (no doubt related to reading Dreamgates before bed). The church has an odd layout, the rooms are laid in an inwards spiralling fashion. One of the back rooms we go through is tiled and looks a bit industrial.

      It has four big cylindrical tanks, all white. They're about twice and a half our height. I understand them to be part of some boiler system. A man, possibly the warden, is showing us around the church, some kind of introduction.

      Before this, me and H are outside. We just got out of the van. It's dark? I don't remember the grounds too well but there are tall trees and low dry-stone walls. H shows me something about a painting, which resides out here, on the external church walls. The painting is very big, mostly vertical. It's about one yard wide by four yards tall.

      The painting itself is kind of sepia in tones. It has a sketch-like look. At first I just see some eyes at the top, like part of an incomplete portrait, but as I move it around (because I'm moving it to hang it on another wall), the image changes. On some level, this makes me think of those "holo" images.

      Fragment:


      At a mall place with H. We live in a flat inside the mall, accessible via an escalator through a store, it's either a clothing or jewellery store. Some people I know from school are here, there's some interaction. Rest of recall is gone.



      Notes:
      - We went today somewhere that took us the same road that we can take when we went to see a pipe maker. This was recently, so I wonder if that dream theme was influenced by this.

      - The TBC->WLK dream theme probably came from a nostalgia of the actual WLK period and from having some interest in its classic revival. On the other hand, I have little or no interest in paying to play the game, especially since there's very little social motivation for me to do so. The last time I went on, the atmosphere was more "toxic" than I recalled, something I found hugely disappointed, making me feel like some people just never grow up. Perhaps when I played many years ago, I was just that much younger that I didn't think much of it/just ignored it or maybe it wasn't that far removed from daily life, but now it would just bother me.
      -- I still find WoW dream themes to be fairly enjoyable, since they do tend to focus on the sense of adventure, combat or exploration, which were feelings that were much more present in me when I was younger. I haven't felt a genuine sense of wonder about anything at all for many years.

      - In the area where I used to live, the mall has flats over it. Although the mall in the dream had a more "airport-shops" feel to it, the rest of the associations seemed fairly close to memory of home.
    9. ccxcvii. Invitation, Unusual BFG

      by , 07-05-2021 at 02:48 PM
      5th July 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm looking at my profile on one of the art sites? I notice I have an unread PM and click to check it. It's from a site moderator I think and I check to see if it really is one, by looking for a certain symbol or something? The message reads at first something like "Dear user, as it is so rare to come across individuals like yourself", going on for a short bit and then asking further down if I'd like to become a moderator, myself.

      There's still some kind of special application process and scrolling through the, actually somewhat long, message, I see some red hyperlink buttons with white text. They have something to do with answering some questions for the application. At the start of these is also a green one and I perceive green as bad? The green one is for saying that you're not interested in this or something.

      I think about this and consider the responsibilities, the kind of things I might have to deal with, potentially unpleasant. And also the fact that it's not a paid role or position, it's voluntary even with the application and so on. Despite all this I still consider applying. Rest of recall faded.

      Fragment:

      In a game world of some kind, with H. It feels like DOOM, Quake or UT. The zone feels a bit void of anything at all, very empty. There's an orange-purple atmospheric effect? The only things that seem to exist around here are some kind of simple and white geometric structures that we walk across. I do some jumping tricks and get up on top of what is supposed to be like a small building. There's a "BFG 9000" here on the flat rooftop, it's a secret pick-up. This BFG has a unique design and is really quite big, as I pick it up I visually note that H gets it too.

      The weapon's design is chunky at the start, then it becomes tri-pronged kind of and extends almost two yards in front. These bits sticking out are like electro-magnetic rails and they are a silvery metal but with a light blue electric glow. The rest of the design is primarily green, the green tone I associate with DOOM.

      Anyway, then a boss or elite enemy appears or something. I consider whether or not we should use our new BFGs on it and end up deciding not and that we should just use regular rocket launchers to fight it. I think about the fact that the BFG has very limited ammo and sooner or later we'll end up firing at the same time anyway in combat situations, effectively wasting shots.



      Notes:

      - On waking and trying to draw the weapon in its most basic form I realised I couldn't imagine what the grip for it could be like. I then realised I've never really paid attention to this detail on BFG designs.

      - The first dream may relate to how I have sometimes done things freely for others because I felt that it was important enough to do as a voluntary thing. The issue has often been for me that I have not been either rewarded nor recognised for it and not even getting some recognition for helping makes it feel like I've been used for my eagerness, ultimately making me feel naive and cynical about such things.
    10. ccxcv. Creating a quest, working on a comic

      by , 07-04-2021 at 09:44 PM
      2nd July 2021

      Fragment:

      In Outland. Some alternate version of Helfire I've dreamed of before, years ago I think. It's a mix of Netherstorm in terms of landscape features but looks like Helfire. Something about me trying to get to level seventy but I find out that eighty is actually the maximum level, through seeing other players I think.

      There's a back-and-forth mix of D3 and WoW. I'm both trying to create a level twenty or so questline involving dragons, for the zone I'm in, I think; but also trying to work on an art project about an erotica comic in a M/M theme.

      (recall started fading at this point) At one point, I'm working on this comic project and alt-tabbing between games and drawings for reference and then H comes in to this odd office room I'm in and starts talking to me. The room is very wooden? A dark-ish stain, probably? H is kind of having a go at me for "not doing much". I feel annoyed and partly insulted, since I try as much as I can. Constant interruptions occur (not just or only from H but something else) while I'm trying to work on this questline thing.

      The dream eventually deviates into some other bit in a town.

      (recall gap)

      I'm in a subway starting at my home town and I'm sort of composing a train run schedule that will go from a yellow line to the blue line? Stations seem dark and unfamiliar, not to mention cramped, they seem more like my vague memory of the London underground and some other generic subways I've seen.

      I'm alone in this train with the conductor, I'm just in the passenger area at first looking at the maps. Then I knock on the door to the cabin or something and I tell him about what I'll be doing. I can see through the front glass that we are arriving at a station full of people, mostly university students or something, people in school uniforms. I tell the conductor that we can't stop here for now because "that's too many gamers" and that I'll add this station later on into the schedule.

      And I think about how they'd probably end up giving this new route I'm making a very bad reputation and causes issues later on. So I think to myself that they'll just have to catch a different train for now.



      Notes:
      - Feels like it's been a while since a proper subway dream, though I suppose I have had a few not that long ago, that come to mind.
      -- As always this should be enough of a cue to question reality, but it never seems to be enough, nothing seems to be enough.

      - Again, dragons. Dragons are rarely the central topic in my dreams. This time they weren't the focus of eroticism but seems there was still a loose link since I was working on both their questline and the erotic comic.
      -- This thematic could relate both to my difficulty in sticking to a single project and to the fact that I always want to do really involved things. Doing either a comic or a full questline are projects that require a lot of time and attention. Relating to the difficulty in sticking to a project, I often lose track of myself and my attention to things when things start feeling long.

      - Unusually, the train was symbolically under my control though indirect influence of its compliant conductor, maybe a metaphor about navigation, guidance or inability to lead action directly.
      -- Relating to this, I have found that I am much calmer and more able to work effectively if I'm not directly in charge of something. If I am in advisory or assisting role, I tend to be able to remain emotionally detached for better results. Thinking further about this, ironically this is not the case when it comes to doing artwork for others, since that's still primarily based on my own ability to lead artistically (since I'm not being asked to emulate another artists' style).

      - When in the dream H has a go at me, I think this is actually a metaphor for me having a go at myself. I do sometimes think I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I often think about how it feels like I'm not leading myself anywhere but also about how it feels so hard without anyone guiding me.
      -- The irony to me feels like even under guidance I still feel like I'm not getting guidance, which makes me feel like it's a problem relating to myself only and not to others and their interactions with me.
    11. cclxxxii. Breaded chicken business and cooking,

      by , 06-09-2021 at 11:09 AM
      9th June 2021

      Fragment
      (5:30):

      I'm in an office building. It's day time and there's lots of light coming through a skylight. At different points I'm different people. It's quite busy here. Something about making a breaded fried chicken enterprise (i.e. a joint business) and physically half making it and the other half being bought from a unique source. I remember myself scraping some chicken off one of our blue kitchen plates into something else, like for cooking.

      Scraps
      (10:00):

      (Several dream sequences but recall fragmented.)

      One sequence about Q?

      Another bit near the end of a dream, I'm walking through some kind of cavern. It's dark but I might have some kind of light source. Someone else is here with me, following me? I am looking for something, an exit maybe. The cavern is not straight or flat at any point. I walk past corpses on or next to mattresses. Maybe some are alive, but either way, they're related to some previous part of the dream. I think I was trying to lead a bunch of people and they didn't like my ideas or what I was doing, which was why I ended up in the caverns.

      Something about shooting some objects with H, but not sure what we used. Some kind of explosions were supposed to happen from the objects being shot.



      Notes:

      - I went to the bathroom and got back in bed with a WBTB intent after the first recalled fragment.

      - I went to bed at night with intents about lucidity and waking up in the middle of the night.
    12. cclxxxi. Lady playing on consoles, Automated office building, Scraps

      by , 06-07-2021 at 01:57 PM
      7th June 2021

      Fragment:

      At some version of my current home. Through the office window, I see a flatbed trailer with organ and piano consoles on it. It implies the room is actually at ground floor. I am excited when I see a lady playing on the consoles as I approach the window. I go out of the room and call H to come and see; he comes with me to the room to look but now she's actually in the room, which seems to have expanded in width. I try to get her attention but she's focused on her playing and she's wearing headphones but eventually realises and we say hello to each other and so on. She then talks to H about something, she seems happy or content, smiling at us a lot. There was more to this dream but I cannot recall it now.


      Dream:

      In a city, I'm by a body of water. I enter a skyscraper building located here. It's empty of people but has automated systems in place and is not abandoned. Sliding doors open automatically and I enter a huge ground floor lobby. The building heavily features tinted glass and there's a blood red colour scheme which on some level I really enjoy. There's a sunset, but I don't see it directly, just its effect of light and shadow length. In the lobby, I nervously but excitedly approach a lift entrance, the doors slide open immediately as I get close.

      There's a console in this bit which isn't the actual elevator yet, I use a password "number3" and I'm relieved when it works. Another set of doors, like mall lift doors but sort of like blast doors, slide open and I enter the lift proper now. It quickly takes me up to the top of the building or something, an off-limits area. I exit the lift and enter a sealed room with no windows, some glass sliding doors opening as I walk in, into a second room that really didn't require that separation by the glass doors. The colour scheme remains the same. I know I'm trespassing and fear being caught, but I revel in the fact there's nobody around.

      I use the same password as before at a computer terminal at the end of the room, it's in a sort of alcove and it's a touch-screen which had sort of flipped itself around towards me. The terminal grants me access to lots of things, but I'm not sure what. I return to this dream location through the exact same process later on in the dream, but when I do, I arrive at the building in H's van and am talking to him over the phone.

      I remember another part in-between the two times at the building, in the middle of the city instead. I hear a group of guys talking trash. One guy says he listens to people's life stories of things gone horribly wrong or traumatic events and then he himself manipulates people by copying these stories and pretending they actually happened to him even though they didn't. Eventually, feeling I heard enough, I feel angry and come out around the corner I was listening from. I walk towards where his voice was, but now there's nobody there, even though I remember seeing them just before. I'm still charged with the emotion and don't stop myself from having a go at him verbally, even if he's not there anymore.

      Suddenly I take notice of and become distracted by some buildings that are here in front of me. They're very concrete-like, bare, no windows, like they're half-finished but in the dream I feel they are more half-abandoned. I enter one to my right, it goes further than it looked like it would and feels like I'm sort of walking into an industrial area. I go up a low incline concrete ramp. Here, I see an alien egg and shoot at it with something which makes it burst and then something scurries out but I somehow capture it at a distance using something else. Ahead, there are more eggs and I have a proximity scanner (not unlike in Alien). I shoot these eggs and they all burst in a sequence, again crawling facehugger things come out and I try to capture them all, only just managing to do so. I was concerned that if they got away there would be too many drones (I remember imagining this).


      Scraps:


      Mom, dad and T. I'm getting a drink and talking to dad, in a kitchen that looked like it was part of some hotel rooms I remember us staying in when I was a kid.

      Some other dream involving M/M themes or something.

      A different dream where someone was commenting that my junk was too visible through my clothes, I felt resentment at the comment as I felt it was not in my control.



      Quick Edited Notes:

      - Re-reading the main dream I realised that it's somewhat unlike most of my more recent dreams, which to my memory seem much more emotionally neutral.

      - Alien related theme probably came from recently watching some of that stuff again. The link with concrete doesn't seem clear but the concrete in itself may relate to both emotional states (or lack of) and my own view of my own art at times (unable to depict emotion); Alien has a direct link to Giger for me and therefore to a specific style of surrealist art, too.

      Updated 06-08-2021 at 01:52 AM by 95293 (added notes)

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment
    13. cclxxx. Playful disagreement, Not myself

      by , 06-05-2021 at 03:17 PM
      5th June 2021

      Fragment:

      Here at home, with H. We're going downstairs and we get ready to go out. We have some kind of playful tussle or disagreement.

      (recall was too weak despite having felt very present in the dream, mind wandered after waking)

      Fragment:

      Middle or end bit of a dream, first part involved one of my aunts and was in a building. Later, in a town like my old town, sort of sunny but cloudy? I'm walking along the edge of town, slightly higher up than the rest of it which is in a sort of dip.

      There's a Covid context but nobody is wearing masks or distancing properly. I'm not myself anymore, now I'm a male character and I'm walking outside with this young woman. We're about the same age and we are a couple. We're in the middle of town at one point and it's busy. Someone mentions something about white gypsies and I wonder to myself if this isn't offensive in some way. I'm following the woman, she has a slim build but I can't remember what she's wearing.

      She bumps into an old lady a bit carelessly as we walk into a sort of square area, the old lady says to her "you'll have to self-isolate now!", in a somewhat vindictive way that implied she'd just passed on infection. As we walk through town we eventually become lost and we ask a middle-aged lady for directions. She shows us the town on a paper map. I try to figure out and understand where our house is.

      Vague recall but later, after several very deliberately "dream-like" encounters, with recurring characters that appear and disappear at different points and with changing physical features such as a lift that shifts it's entrance, we walk through a dark tunnel. Sort of subway/transit hub-like in style, just an access corridor, but there is no light, I don't recall how I am able to see.

      We then enter a different room, slightly brighter and kind of large, but still dark and underground. There are four characters here who block us, or have our full attention. They appear like teenagers or something at first and then morph into large and sort of fat orange worm-like creatures, their long bodies are sort of ribbed; they retain some human aspect, a face perhaps. They gloat, as if they'd won or something. One says "the human body is 0.91 grams of sodium. 68% sodium" and the illogical part of the math just passes me by but in the dream I'm so fully in the role of this young man that I don't really think like myself anyway. The creatures imply that we are be feed for something, either them or their master, but this something is small, I feel.

      Everything actually feels dreamlike for most of this bit, I think about how we (me and my female partner) must be having a joint dream and these creatures had invaded our dream to bring us their gloating message.

      Eventually they let us go and this idea and feeling passes, especially because I expect some dream-like transition but there isn't one. We go back to our place though I don't recall how we get there. It's also dark and dingy, most of the second half of the dream is. We have to get some things to eat, which we pick out of this small polygonal box. She picks something, not sure what now and it was apparently the right thing to pick, as a character appears and groans complaining about how she made the right choice. She had apparently sussed out that there were certain script-like sigils that had to do with the bad characters. I struggle to pick something myself, eventually picking this odd and partly rusty metal object with a somewhat industrial look to it. It has a bit of that rust converter's purple tinge too. The object has a hex key end on one side and the other end of it widens out a bit; the object is very sharply faceted.

      I openly ask and wonder if this is the right thing. Seems that it is though and then we are somewhere else. Still dark, there's a table. My female partner is engaged in some activity with her object, maybe firing arrows made of light? She seems obsessed, almost drunk with power or something. I try to figure out what my object does. There's a man here with us, too, he had appeared before in the dream and is some kind of guide, in his fifties or so.

      I use my object like a pen over the table and it seems to write in ink made of light. I effortlessly make script-like sigils like those from before except made of light. The drawn sigils over the table flash and quickly fade away once they are complete.



      Notes:

      - I went to bed somewhat late and I had looked at a few things in the shed beforehand that may have just fed into some of the shapes in the dream, such as the polygonal box and the faceted metal "pen".

      - I don't recall hearing or thinking about names at any point, even the woman I was with. She mirrored me in several physical aspects but I remember nothing about the character I was, I never saw myself, I simply "felt" like someone else, including physically to a point.

      - Many of the environmental elements were familiar to the area around my old home, except geological features, which were more like lowlands or short rolling hills.

      - The worm creatures' physical appearance seemed to be based off flexible ducting type of tubes and their orange was a sort of bright workplace orange kind of colour.

      - Odd that I felt I'd title the second fragment as "not myself", since that is effectively the (actual) problem mom had just last night.

      - After waking, most of this second dream did immediately feel very symbolic and story-like. My female partner felt like an anima archetype (especially as she later became apparently domineering), and the character I was in the role of felt like a hero archetype.
    14. cclxv.

      by , 05-09-2021 at 09:33 PM
      8th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Mom, new medications, a swap or trade for her? (not sure what I meant by this and recall is too gone)

      Fragment:

      Watching HW play an undead rogue wearing a T2 helm, he's sort of streaming PvP activity where he's killing other horde players but also alliance, not focusing on any particular group more than another. He is in a full party with some friends who are helping him with the PvP?

      (gap)

      HW is visiting me, at a mix of my current and old home. I'm with him in the kitchen, downstairs. There's a moment of intense laughter when I or he make a joke, sort of together, but I forget what it was about. We're about to head upstairs and I go into the pantry (what pantry, which home?) and grab the only two beers there, as well as an orange juice drink in a similar but clear glass bottle. I ask HW what he wants but he doesn't seem to hear me. I ask him again once we are upstairs, also asking H if he wants one of these things too. I have some feeling of concern about who will pick what?

      9th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Planet-landing, some colony and I'm? using a tank to take over the colony. Something about it being a job in planning by others for three years. I prove them wrong by myself by assaulting a base and then I eventually get some reinforcements to assist me. Then in a cave, the dream changes and becomes about wrestling or some form of free fighting. I remember breaking things up, made of wood.

      Dream:

      I'm in a place like L with H, walking across a busy street. It's sunny and looks pretty much as I might expected, considerably busy too. I see MB walking ahead in front of us at one point as we walk to wherever we're going but H doesn't notice or care. I feel annoyed and think to myself "yeah, you walk away you bastard" as I watch him go up another street on an incline, beside some kind of train or transit station.

      We eventually go up the same street too and H says he's going to call someone (one of our parents) but he notices the phone number is totally wrong for the contact, deciding to ring anyway and finding out who it might be. The other person answers and is equally curious and confused but they are nearby so we backtrack a little to a bit with a cafe. We approach and H talks to this person he had been on the phone with. I don't realise it in the dream but any awareness of them drops off as I focus on my aunt B who is sat at the next table over, facing an unknown dream character who is her friend.

      For some reason, as we get talking, this unknown character is showing me the inside of her mouth, which impossibly looks bigger on the inside than on the outside. Under her tongue, there is a pepperoni pizza pattern thing going on, but it's some kind of fungal structure that is an uncontrolled infection. I remember being told about this but in no detail.



      Notes:

      - The last dream with MB was about four months ago.

      - The dream recall for all of these is poor because while I did make initial notes, they were extremely brief and I had planned on getting around to typing them up sooner, whilst recall was still fresh, but the days didn't allow for it.

      - For some time now I have been feeling like there's something wrong internally, on a physical level. I worry on some level that part of recent dream symbolisms are related to this but I have no real basis for this other than some recent aches that haven't subsided. Recently I have been getting random intrusive thoughts about cancer, possibly since that's essentially what AH passed away from.

      - I had some more notes I wanted to put down but I'm currently distracted and have a headache, so I'm being unable to focus.
    15. cclxiii. Lodged bullet, Upheaval

      by , 05-05-2021 at 08:53 PM
      2nd May 2021

      Fragment:

      Initially something about Terraria. I'm on some kind of mini MMO server. It's 2D at first as it should be, but then starts to become 2.5D and eventually blends into normal reality as I exit some caves I'd been mining in. There was a lot of ore in the caves, but mostly copper and iron.

      I exit the cave to an exterior location. It's sunny but I'm under the shade of a metal canopy of some kind. I have guns like in UT or something. There are some flying enemies nearby, to my right, and I think about shooting them with a beam weapon but I don't for some reason. They have wings? Are they eyes, maybe? Some kind of stereotype fantasy creature, at any rate.

      Then I climb or jump down further ahead, where there's a lower roof, using it as a midway point to the ground. There's a human but he's some kind of boss? I'm talking with H at the same time, discussing what's happening I think. Some recall is missing but I eventually change to a traditional sniper rifle and fire at point blank range against the man's neck. I can imagine the bullet and it goes through the front of the neck but leaves no visible wound or blood and it gets lodged under the cranium at the back, on the right side.

      But then the person becomes H and I turn the head to inspect and there's the lump of the bullet about where I thought it would be. I tell H it's fine, we'll get someone to remove it.



      4th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Something about schools part of a network/group called "plus (something)"? I'm in a town but unsure where. Reminds me of my native country and there's these small and perfectly laid out buildings, which are taking over everywhere as if they are invading and replacing other things. The buildings are alien in origin or something, the dream implies, but they look like regular buildings in a modern style, though having something to do with this group of schools or something.

      There's some kind of instancing effect going on and things phase in and out of reality depending on where I stand exactly; in the phase space there are only two specific things to eat for some reason and this becomes a way for me to identify that I'm in this phased space. I think something about the colour of the atmosphere changes too but recall is somewhat muddled and partly gone and some bits of this feel as if they were from an earlier awakening.

      Some recall is missing but later on, there's some bit in a kitchen underground in a bunker of some kind and this is like the headquarters of whatever is going on. In this kitchen, there are two women, they are busy cooking and concocting things? I think they have aprons on but I don't recall any other details other than that maybe one had her hair tied up. They are the masterminds, it's implied somehow. They don't seem to care about my presence. The door to the kitchen is locked with some type of electronically controlled lock and some people want to get in here because a meteor is crashing soon and this is the safest place, even within the entirety of this bunker. There's a large window into the next room and there are random groupings of people through there. I remember interacting and talking with the two women but I'm not sure what any of us said.

      Then the meteor hits and some people outside the room get scared but nothing much happens other than some prolonged shaking.

      (recall gap)

      Outside with someone, implied to be after the meteor hit on the surface. I was here before at some point in the dream but it wasn't like this, everything looks kind of orange and wrecked now, debris and general mess everywhere. There are dead headcrabs? The person I'm with is cooking and eating them.

      (gap)

      Some other bit where I see a city like London (which layout I know vaguely) in some kind of overview and it's broken up by ravines and mountains. Someone wants a new map made to reflect all this or something and I or another dream character draw it on some kind of black sandy stuff with a stick or rod? The lines are a dark blood red.
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