dream fragment

I remember feeling - in between sleep paralysis - this overwhelming feeling of fear, and a very dark presence being very close to me - like I was standing and she was right there, but a dark and terrifying version of her - the ex again, right in front of me. I just want to get over this. We were talking in class today on the stages of grieving, and talking about how some people may think they have reached acceptance when they are still in the depression stage. I feel like my consciousness is in the acceptance stage while my subconscious is still grieving and depressed/angry..

Hoping for a lucid dream tonight, back home so hopefully i'll get a good nights rest

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

[I apologize in advance for how much of the page this entry takes up. It was my longest lucid dream to date, though, and I wanted to make the best record of it I could.]

I'm at my old high school, outside the entrance to my mom's old classroom. The open-air entrance on one side of the classroom and the semi-enclosed atrium on the other side are reversed from the sides they're on in real life. I'm listening to an old woman [Betty J.? Aunt Edie? I'm not sure] talk about life. I also remember reading some text about how in the old days, we just lived together with love and respect for one another as a matter of course, without any need for external forces like social programs to manipulate or engineer good feelings between people. [Yep. That sounds like my mind, all right.]

I'm playing PackRat. [Again. I am so sick of dreaming about PackRat, and I know perfectly well that the only way to stop dreaming about it is to stop playing it. That'll happen at the end of this year, I hope.] I discover that the reason an old collection cannot be completed is that they created all the cards, with artwork and everything, but never actually made them available to players.

I'm looking through a rack of envelopes of photo prints, organized by the subject of the photos.

I'm reading a novel on a shiny, black electronic reader. The last page of one chapter has a small illustration of a rolling, bouncing boulder on it [this illustration is from a particular PackRat card]. The electronic reader has small, rectangular “previous page” and “next page” buttons in the lower right corner. It also has readouts in the lower left corner of the screen that show remaining battery life and how many inches from your eyes the screen is. It says that a distance of at least 9 inches is recommended. I see my reflection in its surface and am surprised to discover that I'm wearing glasses. [I don't wear them in real life, but I might have to, someday.]

I go to say good night to my dad. He shows me that he's discovered a way to screw this cylindrical part onto his guitar so that it still has its protective plastic cover.

WBTB at 3:58 A.M. I stayed up for 10-15 minutes, taking notes on the dreams I recalled so far. Then I listened to the second half of my binaural beats file and continued doing affirmations, this time including remembering to stabilize my dream as one of them. I then spent about 45 minutes being kept awake by my coughing and sneezing, but eventually, I managed to get back to sleep. I think I even experienced sleep paralysis for the first time ever; I remember a moment when it felt like my body was vibrating or shaking really fast.

When I find myself in House #1, I immediately know I'm dreaming. [Since I was lucid from the very beginning and can remember a little bit of the sleep paralysis, I think I may have just performed a successful WILD, even though I didn't originally intend to.] This time, I succeed in remembering to stop and take in the scene before doing anything else, in order to stabilize the dream. Once again, I gaze around in awe of the fact that my mind can create such a detailed and realistic environment. Everything looks real, even though I know it's not. I walk around the house a bit, and when I get to the sinks in the bathroom and kitchen, I look at the faucets and quietly expect them to turn on, and they do, without my touching them. [I think that's pretty cool.]

I go out into the study, which looks pretty much just as it did in reality, except that the space inside it is entirely filled with spiderwebs. I turn back and go back into the house, with spiderwebs sticking all over me. When I come back in, I accidentally let a spider into the house, too. It has a big, nearly spherical body with stripes in two different shades of gray. I squash it while it's walking along the wall in the master bedroom. Then I discover another, even bigger, red spider/crab thing on the carpet, and squash that one, too, saying something about how sorry I am for making a stain on the carpet. [The carpet I squashed the spider into was light brown and semi-shaggy. House #1 never had carpet like that; that's the kind of carpet we have in House #3. I didn't notice this until after I woke up, at which point I found it highly amusing that the details of the carpet had been off in one of my dreams and I hadn't noticed. ]

My mom is there in the house. [I don't really remember the specifics of this part, but] I lie down on the bed in the master bedroom and get under the covers so that my parents won't see that I'm quivering and shaking in the throes of SP. [I don't even know.]

I decide I want to leave the house and go explore other parts of this dream world, but I feel obliged to take leave of my parents first and tell them where I'm going, but I want to keep it a secret from them that I'm dreaming. I say to myself, “If I told them I was going to school, would they believe me? Given the setting, they might.” As I say this, what I have in mind is that I'm going to pretend to be setting out on foot for my junior high school. [Funny; that was the only school I ever took the school bus to. I did walk from my house to the bus stop, though.]

I walk through the side yard toward the front gate. I find my parents in the corner of the yard, where the wall with said gate in it meets the wall of the neighbors' house, doing some kind of yard work. I say, “I'm going to school. Bye, Mom!”

“Bye, (Emiko)!” says my mom, and it sounds exactly the same as it always does when my real mom says it. [Obviously, an unaltered memory.] “Have a good day!”

“You, too!” I say, or something like it. I walk out through the front gate and down toward the street. The neighborhood seems more spacious and spread-out than it is in reality. Now that no one is looking, I begin flying, taking off from the middle of the street and traveling parallel to it and upward from it at an angle, like an airplane taking off.

As I fly higher into the air, the dream and my dream consciousness start to fade away. Now, having read the DEILD tutorial, I had some idea of what to do. I lay absolutely still in my bed and concentrated intently on the dream I had just been having, willing myself to start dreaming again. It worked. [First successful DEILD, too! I was really on a roll last night!]

I end up in a group of interconnected, upstairs rooms in a building somewhere. I seem to have flown there. The rooms are white, and there are chairs, upholstered stools, and bookshelves in them. From reading a plaque on a wall near a doorway, I learn that these rooms are reading rooms dedicated to a strange alternate take on Christianity, centered around an alternate set of gospels written by different people. [I didn't recognize it as any sect that exists in real life.] One of the rooms has an analog clock on the wall. It doesn't have numbers, just a circle and two hands, all made of the same rough, gray metal. Even though I already know I'm dreaming, I deliberately look at the clock, glance away, and then look at it again to see if the hands have jumped. The first time I try this, they seem to be in pretty much the same position they were in, so I try again. The second time, they've jumped to a totally different position. I am pleased with myself; again, I was expecting that to happen, so it did.

I leave these rooms and start walking down a flight of stairs. The dream starts to fade again, but again, I manage to stay in it through sheer willpower.

The stairs end in a wide hallway. There is a set of double doors to the right, leading into a room. Judging by the decorations and items outside these doors and inside the room, it looks like there's a wedding going on. Am I the bride? I wonder, but when I enter the large, rectangular room and see the retail-style displays of clothing and stuff, I think, Oh, good. Just a fair, then. I see a real-life friend [I forget who] to my right, who says to me, “Cute dress, (Emiko)!”

“Thank you!” I answer, even though I think this is an odd thing to say, because all I'm wearing is a damp, clammy black blanket wrapped around me. It feels like it's made of swimsuit material. I continue further into the room, turning to my left and walking that way. I look down and to the left, between two racks of clothing, and see another real-life friend, Eleanor B. She's wearing a royal-blue bridesmaid dress [the one she was wearing the last time I saw her in real life, which was at the wedding of some mutual friends]. I call her name twice to get her attention. She looks up, sees me, and stands up to talk to me. I come over and talk to her. When I take a closer look at the clothes hanging on the rack we're standing next to, I say something like, “And are these the new Christmas sweatshirts from Target? Cute! I want!” The sweatshirts are white and have patterns on them of snowflakes made up of narrow lines, either in shades of pink or shades of teal. They also have hems and seams in those colors. I take one pink one and one teal one off the rack and carry them with me. They feel soft.

I leave that room and find myself outside. In the distance, I can see big mountains with snow on top of them. I continue exploring and somehow [I don't remember the exact route I took] make it into an old Japanese temple (or residence, or something). It has a very old, very traditional room with tatami mats on the floor. I pry off each of my sneakers in turn, using the toe of the other foot (suddenly, I'm wearing sneakers, I think). [Yes, I actually thought that while in the dream. Now that I think of it, I think I was suddenly wearing regular clothes, too.] Leaving my sneakers (the exact same ones I have in real life, I note) out in the passageways, I enter the room with the tatami mats and walk around in it. I can feel the mats and my socks under my feet. I say aloud to myself, “Wait – we're allowed to walk around in here? Oh – of course we are; that's what I was expecting.” Yet again, something is so because I expected it to be so. [In all my real-life experience visiting historical tourist sites in Japan, we were never allowed to actually enter the rooms with the tatami; we were only allowed to look into them from the outside. I always wanted to walk around inside them, though, so now, in a dream, I got my wish. Cool.]

Outside of this room are some passageways that are all painted a dusty shade of teal, and have wooden signs hanging in them. I walk around in here for a few minutes. One of the signs says “Telephone,” and indeed, there is a pay telephone on the wall in a wooden box. It looks like an old tourist facility.

One of the doorways within these passageways leads into a spacious, modern restaurant that I recognize as the one inside the onsen [hot spring] that I visited while I was living in Japan. There are a few people sitting at tables here and there. I walk through the restaurant, looking for one of my real-life friends [I don't remember which one now]. I don't find her there, so I decide to head for the restaurant's exit and go somewhere else.

The way to the exit is through a long passageway with a wall on the right side and an upholstered bench on the left side where guests can sit and wait for tables, which separates the passageway from the rest of the restaurant. There are two people sitting on the bench. As I approach the door, I think, What shall I do next? Task of the Month – cell phone – oh, yeah! For a split second I think of getting out my cell phone to text somebody, but then I remember the new Task of the Month for November. I turn to one of the two DCs sitting on the bench, the one sitting nearest the door, who happens to be a black, pregnant woman. “Hey, can I tell you what I'm thankful for?” I say to her.

“Okay.” She straightens, sitting forward on the edge of the bench, listening to me.

“I'm thankful for my family, and [something else I can't remember now], and my computer, and for being able to come here!” I say. [Meaning, to the dream world.] Unfortunately, the dream starts to fade again just as I'm finishing my sentence.

FA in which, instead of being me, I'm Cobb. Mal is there when I wake up, the real one. [They're characters from Inception.] We talk about something, probably the dream I just had. [I don't remember now exactly what it was we talked about, but dude. That was a really weird FA.]

FA in which I count my fingers while they're spread out against the legs of my jeans. When I find I have a sixth finger on my left hand, my reaction is, “Oh, damn. Gosh-darn it!” Apparently, I really want to actually be awake. But I'm still feeling sleepy, so I lie down, sprawling over the sides of the white, wooden bench I'm sitting on.

When I woke up for real, I just lay there for several minutes because my body still felt heavy. I recalled my dream and was pretty impressed.

--------------------------------

Side notes:

That was the longest lucid dream I've ever had. I'm also very impressed and pleased with the number of times I succeeded in controlling what happened just by expecting something to happen. I really got the hang of that skill last night. Finally, I'm amazed that I managed to stay lucid for that long, and to force myself to keep dreaming so many times when the dream threatened to end. Wow!

Barely remembered a thing from last night except...

My coworker didn't like me because I looked like a celebrity. I can't remember the celebrity, but I remember looking at a picture of the celebrity and thinking, "Ohhh, I look like her! That's why she doesn't like me!" I think the celebrity was wearing some kind of sexy leather outfit in the picture and posing provocatively. It was like a pic for a Maxim magazine shoot or something.

I know that this is a result of a coworker who, in real life, I believe doesn't like me. I've had suggestions from other coworkers that she may feel threatened by me personally, so I'm sure that's where this dream stemmed from.

[This is a catch-up journal entry. These dreams are from the night of October 30-31.]

My parents and I are visiting Epcot. We're walking to the entrance through a city. There are signs pointing to Epcot and the Magic Kingdom.

I'm at a pizza restaurant. There's an eating contest going on to see how many slices of pizza you can eat in 15 minutes. I have most of a pizza in front of me and start eating it, going through the slices, which aren't very big, quite quickly. When I'm in the middle of my third one, I look at the remaining slices of pizza and try to decide which are the smallest ones, so I can eat them. It occurs to me that this is a form of cheating. I keep track of how much time I have left by looking at the clock up on the wall. [Figures! The one time I actually see an analog clock in a dream, it works correctly! ]

So this is probably my 3rd dream about this game. It had the same elements, just that I was Nancy drew, but it wasn't as if it were the game. The only things I specifically remember were
1. I talked to Miwako, but she was done up in a kimono and make-up. Instead of her office being behind her it was the bathroom. She was telling me that I couldn't go in my whole stay (women and men were indicated by certain colored flags).
and 2. I needed money for something but I ran out and needed to do something to get more.

Besides that, I can only remember wandering around the halls.

04.11.2010

Splattered (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I don't quite remember how I became lucid (because this dream happened a few weeks ago and I just found my missing notes), but the first thing I remember is standing in the suburbs. It was night, and I was staring down a wide, open street. There was a park to my right. Suddenly there was a commotion from behind a small patch of trees. Out stepped a gigantic "Smoke Monster". It was composed entirely of swirling black smoke, and was moulded into the shape of a 30-foot tall woman. Very Lost-esque.



She started wreaking havok- throwing cars around and firing lightning bolts everywhere. I thought I should probably take her on, so I hovered a few metres up, and flew at her. Before I even got close, she hurled a car at me. I was swatted out of the air like a fly, and was suprised to find that my head was actually spinning from the impact. I tried again. I got a running start this time, then leapt towards the smoke monster like a ninja. She picked up a car in each hand, and slammed them together with me in the middle, still in mid-flight.

Complete blackout. I must've been splattered.

DJ Log: November 4, 2010 – Morning, 4:45AM (USA Eastern)
Text color legend: · NON-DREAM · NOTES · DREAM · LUCID ·

(Note: After a long dry spell, I finally have some recall. It's only a fragment, but at this time I'll take whatever I can get.)

I am pushing an empty shopping cart across a large parking lot, walking toward a car wash in bare feet. While I approach the car wash bay, I can see some kind of small objects all over the floor. As I get closer, I realize that the whole car wash is full of turtles, ranging from babies to fully grown. I push the shopping cart into the car wash, being very careful not to run over a turtle. Once inside, the turtles stop moving, turn and start walking in my direction. A couple of the larger turtles try to climb up my legs, while a couple of others bite at my toes. I raise one foot off the ground, then lean forward on the shopping cart so I can lift the other foot. The cart flips over and I fall on the ground. When I open my eyes, everything is white and has no detail.

I have recently decided to cease all contact with a friend - S - and for some reason I have started having dreams involving her. They are not solely about her but she features in them and I rarely dream about people I know. It's kinda strange, I am not thinking about her consciously but obviously she is on my mind...

Lucid

Dream

1.

1p on Monday, 3p on Wednesday and 7p on Friday - the clubs way of socialising. An old bum stole Porygon we had Golem. From the bottle-o. I had S' umbrella to return to her. We were going to eat Golem.

2.

I was jumping off of waterfalls and it was just so nice being free in the air. Also I should buy $12 gloves.

3.

I was on a large wooden ship. There was me and the captain and possibly someone else on board. There was a 'fake' humpback whale like creature in a round cylinder. It was not alive but we were going to make it live. We had a vial of fake blood which we gave it and then suddenly it became living.
I realised that it was growing too big for the current cylinder so I moved it to another cylinder. Still it kept growing. So I opened the cylinder and it went down one level and we swam around and then we went all the way down to the bottom of the ship - it was all full of water. One half of the ship opened up and the creature was set free.
I jumped in after it and was very happy. I was young though and had to go back to the deck. They sent me somewhere whilst on my way I passed a school and the kids saw something (me?) and were curious. And the owl said 'teacher I think you better bring in your students' which were young animals.

4.

Car racing and a Plane crash.

5.

On a street and a boy teases a girl and another boy comes in and grabs some food off of her. I (?) in 3rd person see it and I am about to do the right thing, the boy focuses his attention on a kid with a basketball, when an old man comes out and forces the boy to be nice.
A young woman gets really sick and she is incurable the old man gives her something to feel better and off I go.
My other friend is in trouble so she is lying down on a bed, floating above it. I ask for the sick points and they appear, then I ask for the worst one to be taller than the others and it does so and I thank it. I become smaller and enter into the girl. there is blood on me but I am in the throat so I don't understand where it came from. Another person has followed. We are floating freely in the throat and then we are where her eyes are. I have a vial to administer...

I had a terrible night's sleep. I was waking up very often an I was itchy as hell. I only remember a bit of a fragment. Something about a rock band, or an unrelated competition.

I can't recall much. But i'll post what i remember.

It was me and 2 other friends in the dream. I remember Walking up a very narrow hallway of stairs. It was really long and felt far to reach the top. As i was walking up, i looked back at where i came from, It was black, and i hear faint moaning coming down from there, getting louder and louder. My friends are gone. As i walk further up, A little bit of light shows up, but barely. I look back again and see 2 other shadows besides mine. They were my friends, i feel like they were at the same place as me, just in another dimension. As i got closer to the top, I see a little girl standing there looking down at me. She is just staring at me, wearing rugged clothes. When i get to the top, my friends appear too. They line up against the wall, and i do the same. A lady shows up, She is very pale, Her eyes are all black and wide, wearing a long red dress. She goes up to my friends, and they grab her hand and kiss it. I do the same. After that i remember walking by a big fence that says, Throw used socks here. It was a big sock disposal. I made a joke about it to my friend. There was big mountains of socks. And we just walked passed it. I then remember getting to what looked like a kitchen. I saw something that looked like a devil come up to me, then in the blink of my eyes, turned into something weird. Its hard to explain, It was like a pencil shape, and had to tube coming out, one on top, and one on bottom. And it had legs. Looked kinda cartoony, and was inflatable. It said something about raping some girl. But i didnt want it too. So i popped the top tube, until all the air came out, and squeezed it into a ball. Next thing i could remember is being in a ballroom, with a lot of people, all of used seemed to be tiny, because when i looked outside, There was Giant people looking inside the ball room. That is all i can recall, It was a very long and interesting dream. too bad i cant remember all of it.

October 30, 2010

Not much to report. I remember some co-workers being present, and there being a bright room, possibly a cafeteria.

October 31, 2010

Dangling Spiders (DILD)
There was some kind of event going on the 4th floor of my building.I helped the kitchen staff set up. We were then all in the basement, and one of the guys asked me to get something across the room.

It was then, that I noticed little spiders dangling from the ceiling. I didn't want to walk through them, and complained, and started freaking out. The other guy was all like, "Whatever, it's fine! I like spiders!" Well... I don't.

There was some other bit in the dream where I stood there, talking with one of the guys and I was doing something socially awkward (that's all I'm going to say!). I realized that it was something that I randomly do sometimes when dreaming, so I recognized it as a dream sign. I continued talking with the guy and woke up not too long, after.

I'm a bit perturbed by my lucidity this month. It's probably down to the fact that I slept during the day and worked at night, most days... but I felt like I had no focus for goals, and even when I got lucid, the clarity of thought was really low for the majority of the month. Here's to a better November!

November 1, 2010

Kept having dreams about seeing the sunrise.

Also had some weird dream where I saw how Susanne Summers murdered someone. She threw scorpions on the guy, stabbed him in the neck with a stick several times, and then shot him in the head twice. Some other being came up and she started firing at it....turned out to be some kinda imagination she had in her head giving her the next mission. I turned the channel and there was this weird sport going on that was a combination of basketball soccer and tennis...depending on which balls came out of this machine. Some guy was wearing a spider costume with a suit over it....pretty much everyone was silly.

fragment
Talking to a girl. She asks me when I lost my virginity. I answer and ask her the same. Then I realize how flirtatious she is and move in to kiss her. To my surprise, she pulls me down to lay on top of her. Coitus ensues.

fragment
Another sex dream, but I can't recall any details.

Lucid Donuts
Method DILD (absurdity)
This was in my last sleep cycle. I'm laying on a bed. On and around the bed are a bunch of coworkers. I have the impression that we are on a work retreat near the beach. They are talking about the company's goals and culture. There is a box of donuts on the bed that people are eating. Chris is typing at a laptop and asking for people's opinions. He turns to me, but I'm more interested in the donuts. As I reach for a donut, I realize that I am not in my own bed, these people shouldn't be here, and I shouldn't be eating donuts. I am lucid for just a moment and then wake up.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Good morning! Didn't dream anything yesterday, only got a few hours of sleep. I did have two fragments last night. And Monica told me I spoke in my sleep, apparently I had said to her: "Fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty!" Haha I'm such a nice boyfriend.

05.15: Fragments

*I'm playing wow. It's a virtual reality game and I meet this Chinese girl. She's selling a "Veez". It's a creature from a book I'm reading. I tell her something and she tells me to "Fook off!"

*Monica is on the balcony and she's shaking. Crying and moaning about how sucky her life is.

Amount of sleep: 7½ hours

Food before bed: 1 x 100 mg B6, 2 x Omega-3

That's it!

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

This is only a fragment and i didnt really want to write it down. This is my first time using something on this site and i would like to get better at lucid dreaming so i figure i should right down everything i can.

My memory is coming back in at running for my life from a bunch of aliens that i cant see. There are several other people with me that i cant remember specifically. There were a lot of sensors that, when tripped, turned on a bunch of bright lights and caused me to be discovered. (I think the lights are taken from the movie I Am Legend which i just watched over the weekend.) the scenery reminds me of war trenches over a big battlefield but with much more grass. i finally get inside a building and go up to the second or third floor. (the journey up those floors i cannot remember though.) the building is not an exact copy of the church i just renovated in real life but the rooms are VERY similar. so, naturally , i start pulling all the stuff off the walls so i can renovate the room. a person from my high school marching band was there whom i never speak to. she seemed to be working for the aliens and watching over my work. i remember the step of pulling out nails that were in the wall after i had ripped something down, and i had all the nails in my hand. i could feel the nails. the room next door i had to renovate to but for some reason i wanted to run away or hide the room from her. so when she went to open the door i said it was locked. so she went out into the hallway and around the other side to another door. i quickly stepped in the room and found it renovated also.(just like how the setup is at my church.) then i went over to the door and made a screeching noise to scare the person and not want them to open it. she came back around and said we shouldnt do that room because theres something in there. that was the end of that. right before i walked into the hallway i grabbed something next to the door. it looked like cotton candy. (tasted like it too). then one of my other friends said oh do you like my cotton candy unicorn? then she got into a conversation with another person there who claimed she left there subs in the car... my friend said, i didnt know they were in there! as the other person said you could smell them! which led to her greatest quote of my dream. oh i didnt know, i thought it was one of my "well developed farts." haha then i think i woke up or lost memory of it.

there was much more dreaming before this one but i woke up in between and i cant remember. i do remember that it was an amazing and really long dream though. if i remember it through out the day ill make sure i write it down.

if there is anything wrong with how i posted or anything of that sort, please let me know. i'm new and couldnt find any type of formatting. i also wanted to get the dream down before forgetting it early this morning. thanks if anyone reads this